And we’ve got two very fun short films this week as well.

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #58, for July 2026, is out now! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2026 Backrooms

• Directed by: Kane Parsons

• Written by: Will Soodik, Kane Parsons

• Stars: Chiwetel Ejiofor, Renate Reinsve, Mark Duplass

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 50 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The IMDB.com description says “When a counselor’s client vanishes into a surreal realm of infinite corridors, she is forced to journey into the abyss to bring him back.” But it’s more complicated than that with infinite layers of weirdness. Which is the backrooms, which is the real world, and which is just distorted memories?

It’s a very strange film, and we both liked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s 1990, and we open on a guy filming inside an empty set of rooms. He stops in a room full of radio equipment, and he reports that he’s never been this far before, and he really wants someone to come and get him.

As he continues, we see that birds, leaves, and nature have somehow intruded into the hallway, and various pieces of furniture are embedded into the walls. Then something jumps out and kills the guy. The video ends, and the credits roll.

We get a voiceover about making the same mistakes over and over again, and we see Clark coming to work at Cap’n Clark’s Ottoman Empire, a furniture store. “Rip Off” is painted in the window, and he’s got a bunch of past due bills on his desk.

Clark talks to his therapist, Mary, about his sad life. He talks about the night Barbara left him. He’s a little bitter about his career.

Kat and Bobby record Clark doing a really bad pirate commercial. The electric bill is higher than it should be, so he calls in an electrician to find out why. There’s a whole bunch of power being used, but not for the store. That night, we see that Clark now lives in the store, and there are still electrical problems at night.

A light comes on the downstairs area, so Clark goes down to shut it all off, except it won’t shut down. When it does finally shut off, he notices a light behind one of the walls; a secret door? He leans on the wall and goes right through, into a large yellow room with buzzing fluorescent lights. The portal seems to work both ways, so he starts to explore a bit.

He walks through the place, a lot larger than it appears, until he comes to a stop sign in a dark place. He skips that and goes a different direction. He finds a dead bird and more rooms.

He eventually finds a backpack behind a hidden door hiding a tunnel. On the other side, he finds various shoes embedded in the floor. He hears something weird moving around in the tunnels and runs back to the first room, where he started. The portal is still there, so he goes back to his own world.

We see that someone has a video camera in the backrooms and knows that Clark was there.

Clark goes to see Mary for another session. He’s agitated about what he’s found and sounds like a lunatic.

Clark has Kat and Buddy come back in with the video recorder. He shows them the door, drawn on the wall, and they think he’s insane– until it works. He then shows them around the huge place. Kat’s terrified of the whole place, but Buddy is as curious as Clark is. Bobby goes down into a kind of pit and sees someone down there– pulls him back in and does something bad to him.

We cut to Mary, a little girl who’s not allowed to go outside. “They’re all over the place,” warns her mother. Then adult Mary wakes up. She gets a cryptic call from Clark that he won’t be coming back. She goes to the furniture store to look around; it’s unlocked and has been for days, but no customers ever come here. She goes downstairs and sees the door outline on the wall.

Soon, Mary is in the yellow room. As with the others, she starts wandering around the place. She finds Clark, who grabs her and chokes her out.

Mary then flashes back to her weird childhood and insane mother. Clark explains the weird people that are in these room; it’s sorta-kinda how the room remembers them, just not quite right. Everything here is just a little bit mis-remembered. The poorly recreated people, as it turns out, are edible, since they’re made of food.

Mary wants to help Clark, psychologically, but he’s got some special needs. He’s gone pretty much insane, and makes Mary wear his wife-stand-in’s hair. Mary gets annoyed and says Clark’s problem is all the whining. He likes it in here. “For the first time in a long while, I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

Suddenly, a giant pirate lumbers into the room, and Clark says Mary was just leaving. The huge thing takes a bite out of Clark, and Mary runs away. The creature pursues her until she finds a trap door in the ceiling and gets back into the actual furniture store. Except it’s not really the store, it’s just more of the same, and the big pirate is still there. Somehow, she gets to another room with men in hazmat suits who gas her into unconsciousness.

Now, Mary’s in some kind of endless hospital/lab, and there are lots of scientists there. Eventually, a guy named Phil comes in. He wants to know how she got in here. He’s been exploring the place for a very long time, and he knows it’s all super important.

… And that’s all.

Brian’s Commentary

“Furniture Store: The Movie”

The whole “backroom/liminal spaces” thing on Reddit never made any sense to me, so I didn’t expect much going into this. I was expecting something like “Skinamarink” only with bigger sets.

Turns out, there’s a whole story here, with acting and everything. The sets are really well done, and it all looks like it’d be a fun place to explore– until it’s not.

I was thoroughly entertained, but the ending was just out of nowhere and too abrupt. I didn’t expect there to be an explanation, but the story just basically stops.

Overall, it was far better than I expected. I liked it!

Kevin’s Commentary

Just think of all the money you could make harvesting furniture, electronics, and oddities out of The Backrooms and selling them on eBay.

I agree with Brian that it was much more entertaining than I expected. But I’m not sure it was worth the hype. I liked it, I didn’t love it.

2006 Underworld: Evolution

• Directed by: Len Wiseman

• Written by: Danny McBride, Len Wiseman, Kevin Grevioux

• Stars: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 46 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

After a flashback to a battle in 1202 AD and a little narrative to catch up, this continues immediately following the first movie. The action is stepped up even more, putting the horror elements on the back burner again. They answer more questions about events of the past.

It’s pretty consistent in look and quality with the first movie, not quite as good but almost. If you liked that one, you’ll probably enjoy this one as well.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re reminded about the war between vampires and lycans, two groups started by two immortal brothers. Markus, bitten by a bat, and William, bitten by a wolf. They became the first of their species.

In 1202 AD, we see Markus, Amelia, and Viktor arrive at a slaughter perpetrated by William, who has gone rogue. Suddenly, the dead get, turning into werewolves. There’s a major battle, and William is captured. Markus, his brother, wants William released, but Viktor and Amelia have other ideas. Viktor says William will be imprisoned for all time, and then credits roll.

We cut to Selene, in the present, who reminds us about the first film. She’s run off with Michael, the only person she can trust. She’s now on the run from both races. Her plan is to re-awaken Markus before he’s killed by Kraven.

The two hide out in a safehouse that used to be used for experimenting on lycans.

Meanwhile, back at vampire castle, Kraven goes into the sleep chamber and orders Markus to be re-awakened. The dead scientist from the previous film is still laying there in a pool of blood that has run down into Markus’s pit. He’s already gone.

Markus shows up, looking like a big flying demon. The scientist’s blood has given Markus the whole true story of the last film. Kraven doesn’t last long.

A bunch of men in a helicopter land on a big ship and carry several bodybags inside. They come to an old man who leads them. The soldiers update him on more events from the first film. Two of the three elder vampires are dead now, brought in the body bags, and he wonders about Markus.

The old man, Corvinus, looks at what’s left of Amelia, Lucien, and Viktor. He pulls a metal disk out of Viktor’s chest and smiles.

Michael goes out for dinner and finds that human food doesn’t work for him anymore. His face comes up on the TV screen as “wanted” and the local police draw their guns. He makes a scene on the way out.

Selene and Michael are soon tracked by Markus, who tries to bite her. Michael fills Markus with holes, and they run for it. The sun starts to rise before they make a clean getaway, and Michael has to take over. After a bit of completely unnecessary first-aid, they have sex in a storage container.

We watch as Corvinus’s men clean up the werewolf-experimenting lab to keep it from the normal humans.

Selene sorta remembers Michael’s locket and wants to talk to Tanis, the vampire historian, about what it means. Tanis isn’t big on visitors, and he’s got a trio of werewolves as guard dogs. Tanis explains that Markus was the first true vampire, Viktor came later. He also explains about the first Lycans, who couldn’t take human form at all. If either Markus or William is killed, their whole species will go extinct. Turns out, Selene’s father was the one who built William’s prison. Turns out, Selene knows where William’s cell is, and Michael had the key. She doesn’t remember any of this, but her blood knows, and Markus can read it.

Selene and Michael go to visit Alexander Corvinus, the father of them all. He’s been cleaning up his sons’ mess for many centuries. He won’t kill either of his sons. Markus drops in unexpected;y and fights with Michael. He drinks Selene’s blood, so now he knows what she knows about the key and the cell. He leaves, and Michael dies.

Markus and Corvinus talk about family. Markus then stabs the old man and steals the second key. As he dies, Corvinus tells Selene how to beat Markus; he feeds her his own blood.

Markus goes to the location where William’s cell is and opens the door. Selene and Corvinus’s soldiers approach outside.

William, now free, attacks Selene and the others, as does Markus. With her Corvinus-upgraded blood, she’s able to go one-on-one with Markus now. During the fight, dead Michael wakes up, not dead at all.

Soon, it’s Selene vs. William, and she brings down the house, literally burying all of them. Michael rejoins the fight against William, while Markus works on escaping his prison. Markus gets out and pulls the helicopter into the room with them (someone’s gonna end up in that rotor!)

Selene fights Markus as Michael fights William. Michael rips William’s head right off, and Markus proves me right about the helicopter rotor.

In the morning, the sun comes up, and it doesn’t burn Selene. She and Michael kiss. Selene explains that chaos and infighting is inevitable, but the future is wide open…

Brian’s Commentary

This one takes off just after the events of the first film, and most of the actors return, even if their parts are small. It added a bit to the lore with the two brothers and the father, but between them and now all three ancient vampires being dead, there’s room for lots more drama in the further sequels.

As before, the special effects and fight sequences are excellent, but overall, I preferred the first one. Still, for a sequel, it’s not bad.

Kevin’s Commentary

I’d never seen this one before, only the first movie. I thought it does a good job continuing the story. I almost felt like it could have been just one big movie. The consistency was very good, though it did feel like a small step down around the edges. I was still entertained.

1993 Return of the Living Dead III

• Directed by: Brian Yuzna

• Written by: John Penney

• Stars: J. Trevor Edmond, Melinda Clarke, Kent McCord

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

After the first two movies and in another place, different mayhem ensues as the military tries to weaponize Trioxin animated corpses and things spiral out of control. This one is less funny and more grim than the first two movies were, with no cast returning and barely a hint of the events that came before. The practical effects are nice and juicy.

It’s not bad, but it lacks the unique humor that made the first one so excellent.

Spoilery Synopsis

Colonel John Reynolds meets Colonel Sinclair, here from Washington; she’s been working on reanimating dead people for use as weapons. John says his program is more humane, and then they wheel a corpse into the lab. John notices that he’s lost his ID badge somewhere.

We cut to a bunch of stereotypical teenagers, including Curt Reynolds, John’s son, who has stolen his father’s security pass. His girlfriend Julie wants to investigate because she thinks they’re experimenting on poor, suffering lab animals.

Back in the lab, the corpse is exposed to trioxin. Curt and Julie basically walk right into the warehouse and proceed toward the lab. They watch as the dead man revives. The teens then leave, shocked. The soldiers shoot it in the head, and it dies. No– not really, he was faking it. The corpse sits up and kills one of the techs. Failure! They strap down the dead subject, but then the dead lab tech gets up and starts trouble.

Julie seems obsessed with what they saw at the lab. John comes home and says they’re being relocated due to his failure. They argue and Curt and Julie storm off on his motorcycle, which goes badly. They soon crash, and Julie goes face first into a telephone pole and dies. Then he remembers the key card to the lab in his pocket.

Curt carries Julie’s body into the lab and exposes her to the trioxin, just as he saw it done earlier. Not knowing how all the equipment works, he just punctures the canister. She starts to twitch and move, but the creature inside the canister starts to move as well. She wakes up and doesn’t remember much, and he explains it to her as they leave.

A bit later, John watches the security footage and knows what Curt’s done. Anyone that Julie bites or attacks will also change, and she’s really hungry. They stop at a convenience store, and she’s being weird. The people in the store rob the place, and Julie ends up biting one of them on the way out. Julie also ends up eating the store owner’s brains in the getaway car.

John and the army drive through town, doing “damage control” and cleaning up the bodies as it spreads. Julie starts sticking herself with pins and screws since the pain makes the hunger go away. She says she’d rather be dead than like this.

Mogo, the criminal that Julie bit, starts getting sick, and Santos, the leader of the gang, decides to find Julie and make her pay. Meanwhile, Colonel Sinclair replaces John as leader of the project, so he takes off alone.

Curt and Julie hide underground with Riverman, a homeless guy who’s got a whole lair in the sewers. She’s still hungry and still cutting herself to relieve the feeling. As Curt sleeps, Julie gets into all kinds of body modifications. The gang continues to follow Julie through the sewers, and they soon catch up. Julie shows up, looking like someone from a Hellraiser film.​​ The gang dies very quickly, but they don’t stay that way.

John shows up and disables the undead gang members. He wants to shoot Julie, who just wants to die. John shoots her as well.

John and Curt make their peace, but Julie has been given to the Colonel as a new project. The Colonel’s specialty is mechanically augmenting the dead with exoskeletons. “Biomechanical weapons driven by meat batteries.” What could go wrong?

We soon find out, as the augmented Riverman breaks loose and Curt releases Julie. Soon, all the monsters are free and the triocin cans are smashed. As they try to get out, Curt is finally bitten by a zombie. He and Julie walk into the incinerator and burn up.

Brian’s Commentary

It takes the basic ideas from the first two films and does something completely new. None of the cast of the previous films makes a return, so this is a sort of reboot.

Unfortunately, they’ve done away with almost all the humor, which was what made the first two films really unique. As a straight-up horror movie, it’s fine, but it doesn’t really fit in with the crazy humor that made the first two films great.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was bracing myself for awfulness, but I was pleasantly surprised by this. It’s not a great film, but it was a decent original continuation of what can happen in a world where Trioxin exists. It was different from the first in the level of comedy which was tamped down, and horror which was ramped up. So it was more of a mid-level straight up horror rather than horror comedy. But still pretty entertaining.

1986 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

• Directed by: Tobe Hooper

• Written by: L.M. Kit Carson, Tobe Hooper

• Stars: Dennis Hopper, Caroline Williams, Jim Siedow

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 41 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

“The saw is family.” It’s years later, and the family is still up to their mischief. This time they tangle with a radio DJ and a Texas marshal obsessed with taking them down. They kept a lot of the grindhouse vibe, but it’s not as organically gross and grimy as the original. Though the gore is bumped up. And there is a lot more humor and satire this time, still grim with horror but almost making fun of itself. It’s pretty entertaining, different, but worth checking out if you’re a fan of the original.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get a brief recap of the events of the first film. Lawmakers could never find the cannibals, so officially, it never happened. Except that it did happen. Credits roll.

A couple of young preppy guys (with a car phone!) are on the way to a party, and they cause some trouble on the road. “Stretch” is a radio DJ, and they call in and harass her. They pass the wrong truck to cause trouble. A maniac on a truck pulls out a chainsaw and cuts through the roof of the moving car. The driver loses his head as Stretch listens at the radio station.

In the morning, Lieutenant Lefty Enright is there to investigate what’s left of the “accident.” He’s got a personal connection to the chainsaw killings fourteen years ago, and this might be related. He wants information. Stretch comes to him with a recording of what she heard last night, but he’s hesitant to even listen to it (why not?). She’s a wanna-be reporter, and he’s not getting involved with that.

As stretch leaves Lefty’s room, she and L.G. watch a Texas Chili Cook-Off where one of the winners is Drayton Sawyer, who seems to win a lot of chili cook-offs. Second year in a row, but he says the secret ingredient is the meat. “This town loves prime meat!”

Enright goes to a chainsaw shop and starts waving the merchandise around, creeping out the store’s owner. He goes all “Leatherface” on the log outside. After, he wants to listen to Stretch’s tape; he wants her to play it on her show so everyone can hear it. He thinks the killers are here in Dallas.

The cook, Drayton, gets a phone call from his family about the recording that they heard on the radio, and he’s not pleased. Not long after, Stretch encounters Chop-Top, a very strange man who claims to be a fan. He wants a tour of the radio station and really creeps her out. Suddenly, Leatherface barges in and starts chasing her around.

Stretch hides behind a big steel door, and Leatherface can’t get to her. L.G. returns, oblivious to what’s going on, and catches Chop-Top digging through the records. He doesn’t live long after that. Stretch, on the other hand, knows exactly how to distract Leatherface, who lets her go– sorta.

As Leatherface and Chop-Top leave with L.G.’s body, Stretch jumps in her car and follows them to Texas Battleland, a theme park that’s closed. Lefty shows up, and he’s not as much help as he should be when Stretch falls into a pit full of corpses.

Lefty gets out his own chainsaw, and he’s maybe a little unhinged. Stretch wakes up in the family meat locker, and she hears Cook ranting to the others. Cook’s got a food truck, and he’s been really successful selling the human meat to tourists. Stretch watches and Leatherface gets L.G. ready for cooking. Leatherface catches Stretch hiding, but she talks him into sparing her again, and soon, she’s wearing L.G.’s face. They dance, then he ties her up and leaves.

Turns out, L.G. isn’t dead yet, but he’s missing his face and a lot of skin. He cuts Stretch loose before dying of shock. She sneaks around as the three baddies rant and act goofy. Meanwhile, Lefty is somewhere else, chainsawing the tunnels apart.

Leatherface corners Stretch again, and again, she tries to talk her way out of it. Too late– the others show up. They know Leatherface lied about killing her earlier.

Stretch soon wakes up, tied at the dinner table as Cook rings the dinner bell. The Sawyer family wheels in Grandpa, who’s on a liquid diet… of blood. The old man’s not as spry as he used to be and can’t even hold a murder weapon anymore.

Lefty shows up, and confronts the family. Lefty’s gone all delusional, and releases Stretch. He then gets into a chainsaw battle against Leatherface as Stretch runs from Chop-Top.

Lefty gets his chainsaw stuck inside Leatherface and then pulls out his spare for more. Things get a little weird at this point, as Cook pulls out a hand grenade and drops it.

Chop-Top chases Stretch outside to where they have Granda all propped up, with a chainsaw of her own. She finally shows Chop-Top who’s the boss. She does the “Chainsaw Dance” at the end, the only survivor…

Brian’s Commentary

Link to the first film: https://www.horrorguys.com/the-texas-chainsaw-massacre-1974/

What kind of theme park is this? It’s a very weird set.

If you count screams-per-minute, Stretch is gotta be way up there on the “scream Queen” chart. She’s constantly screaming and freaking out in nearly every scene.

It’s got most of the same elements of the first film, but this one steers well into over-the-top silliness territory.

Dennis Hopper said this was the worst film he’d ever been in, at least until “Super Mario Brothers.”

Yeah, it’s a weird one. Not bad, but a lot more mainstream than the gritty, dirty original.

Kevin’s Commentary

Jim Siedow who plays Cook here is the only cast member to return from the original, where he was credited as Old Man.

Stretch certainly is a screamer in this one.

I love how the family has their lair decorated with all the salvaged stuff, bones, and lights.

I think it’s necessary to have seen the first movie to really enjoy this one, or it at least helps. I’d say that I liked this sequel better than the first movie.

Short Films:

2026 Short Film Siren Head

• Directed by: Nicolo Fumero, Luca Zanlorenzi

• Written by:

• Stars: Matteo Fumero

• Run Time: 4:41

• Watch it:

What Happens

An electrician is sent out into the remote countryside to fix a damaged electrical pole. When he gets there, he sees it’s all torn up, as if something big smashed it. Before he can get to work, he gets a phone call from his little brother and then notices an abandoned building that he checks out. Inside, he finds graffiti on the wall and a cryptic radio message…

Commentary

It’s a longtime copypasta meme thing, and I don’t know any of the lore behind the creature, but it’s pretty neat. This version of the story is very well done, albeit way too short. It’s just one guy out in a creepy wooded area, running from a CGI monster, but it’s well done.

2026 Short Film Help

• Directed by: Collin Black

• Written by: Collin Black, Erin Bechler

• Stars: Erin Bechler, Chris Herring, Jim Cumings

• Run Time: 11:29

• Watch it:

What Happens

A woman watches scary videos on her phone in the car and then decides to walk to her home in the dark. She has to walk past a house with newspapers all over the windows first, since she lives in the back. We see that someone’s following her home. Wait– is that a zombie? Sure looks like it, as she hides and grabs a knife.

Commentary

I love how much effort she puts into locking the door and then leaving the window wide open. People in horror movies are always ignoring the windows! This is paced really well, looks clear and sharp, and we always know what’s going on– except that we don’t!

Contact Info:

Email: mailto:email@horrorguys.com

Websites:

• https://www.horrorguys.com

• https://www.horrormonthly.com

For our classics, we’ll watch the first of five “Underworld” films, and then go way back and visit “The Stepford Wives” of 1975.

And we’ve got a very weird short film this week as well.

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #58, for July 2026, is out now! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2026 Passenger

• Directed by: André Øvredal

• Written by: Zachary Donohue, T.W. Burgess

• Stars: Jacob Scipio, Lou Llobell, Melissa Leo

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A young couple living van life on the road encounter a car accident and end up unintentionally picking up a passenger while they are at it. It relies excessively on jump scares, but it’s quite good anyway. The main duo is really good together, and it’s well made. We were both entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

Lucas and Daniel drive along the empty road late at night, and they’re both bored. They whine about Lucas’s dry mouth and needing to pee. Not long after, Lucas does have to pee, so they stop. When Lucas gets back to the car, Daniel is gone and the car is all scratched up. Suddenly, Daniel flies into the windshield, dropped from high up. Lucas gets back in the car and speeds away, but he keeps passing the same man on the side of the road, over and over. Credits roll.

Maddie and Tyler pack up their big-city apartment to live in a van. They start their big road trip. Six weeks later, they’re living the mobile lifestyle, stuck in traffic and missing out on their reservations. Tyler proposes to her, right there in the van. Suddenly, a neighborhood watch guy bangs on the door and makes them move. They drive on, another hour to a motel.

A car with a crazy driver overtakes them and passes; it’s Lucas, from earlier. He crashes the car not far ahead. The couple stops to help. Lucas starts to crawl out of the car, but something yanks him back in. Maddie hears something moving around out in the woods.

They get to the motel for the night, but there just might be something hiding in their van. In the morning, they find a claw mark just like the one on Lucas’s car.

The couple goes to a “Van Life” meetup, and there’s a lot of people there. Maddie notices a whole bunch of “Missing” posters on the wall. She meets a long-term van person, Diane, who vaguely warns her to stay off those lonely roads.

That night, after leaving a gym, Maddie runs into some creepiness in the parking lot. The Passenger attacks her in the van, and she scares it off with Tyler’s St. Christopher medal. The dashcam that showed the man before, doesn’t work now. She tells Tyler, who doesn’t really believe any of this.

Maddie buys a book that discusses “The Hobo Code” and learns that three slashes means “Not Safe,” and there’s a whole bunch of lore behind that. The van has three deep gashes in the side that won’t buff out.

Maddie’s ready to go back to a normal life, but Tyler’s talking about living remotely forever. She’s hesitating marrying him because of the van thing; it’s not fun anymore. It seems like they’re just about to break up, when Tyler finally sees something unnatural. They run inside the van, and the creature shakes the whole thing crazily.

Tyler can’t find his keys, so he gets back out of the van to look around for them. He sees the creature again, and now he understands what Maddie’s been telling him. “This thing latches onto you when you’re on the road,” Maddies explains. “Some people call him ‘The Passenger’.”

Maddie wants to contact Diane, who seemed to know about the creature and warned her. They get a flat tire, and suddenly the bolts go missing. Something drags Madddie off while Tyler is stuck under the van.

Maddie wakes up next to a car accident, where a car hit a motorcycle. Tyler catches up to her, no, it’s really the monster. The real Tyler shows up just in time to break the spell, and they drive off.

They arrive at another camper meetup, looking for Diane. Diane just wants them to get out of here, as do all the many other campers. They all know about the trouble. “He’s the highwayman from Hell. It’s demonic!” There’s a St. Christopher church that might offer protection and weaken its powers. She offers to take them there. The demon kills Diane right there in front of them.

Suddenly, it’s night again, and they’re still out on the road and almost out of gas. Maddie notices more Hobo Code symbols and follows them– off the road. They pass a bunch of old, deserted cars, all with the creature’s claw mark on them. Also, there are thousands of dead bodies in sheets, but Tyler doesn’t think those are real. But they all go “squish” and “thump” as the van drives over them.

The demon appears inside the van and torments Tyler before being thrown outside. When Maddie reaches the holy grounds of the church, the creature starts to smoke and steam. She drives right through the wall of the church, with the creature on the hood, and he’s not happy about it. She ends up impaling him on the St. Christopher statue’s sword. The demon melts in front of her.

The church explodes in fire, and Maddie gets out of the van to escape. She meets up with Tyler. Still, they’re out in the middle of the desert with no van or supplies. Somehow, the police show up (why? how?). Maddie and Tyler agree to get married and buy a normal house.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s the “Van Life” horror movie. The YouTubers all make this look like a fun lifestyle, but the movie shows the other side of it. Living in a van, your life will be full of overloud jump-scares.

It looks good, it’s very well paced; the acting is good. Overall, I liked it a lot, but there are a lot of jump scares.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was heavy on the jump scares to make them a little predictable and annoying. Other than that, it’s a movie that moves well, and I thought the casting was excellent. There wasn’t a lot new here, but I enjoyed it.

2024 New Year’s Absolution

• Directed by: Nick Leisure

• Written by: Damion Stephens

• Stars: Michael Copon, Joel Brady, Josh Gilmer

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of eight friends get together for a New Year’s Eve party. The movie takes a while letting us get to know the group. It’s short enough that the pacing moves things along really well. Then something happens and leads to something else, and it ends up being the worst party ever. It’s got some horror elements, but it seemed more like a crime thriller. We both thought it was very good.

Spoilery Synopsis

Claire and Damon are expecting guests for New Year’s Eve. Stuart and Travis are the first to arrive, with their dog. Travis brings his weird little dog, Cookie, to the party. They talk about Stuart’s new $50,000 antique car that doesn’t even have airbags. Jacob and Misty show up next, and he might be a fitness nut on steroids. Roy and Kira come last, and they’ve brought drugs.

It starts raining, so Roy and Kira go to the bathroom for sex while Misty watches from afar. After, the four men play a game where they write out New Year’s resolutions and then draw them out of a hat. They have to try to do the thing over the next year. Stuart gets to write a novel. Roy has to apologize to someone. Damon has to do something for his spouse, even if it hurts. Jacob’s says he has to kill someone.

Jacob gets angry and goes to leave. The others try to stop him, and he shows them that he’s got a gun. He then uses it to accidentally shoot Travis in the leg. Roy, who’s a doctor, starts working on the leg when his drugs begin to kick in. No one wants to call the cops because that’ll ruin Jacob’s career, so they put him in the bathtub to hold the bleeding.

Damon tells the story of Ben, the fifth friend who died in a game-related sporting accident in 2014. Kira suggests the whole thing is just done to show off. They go back in to check on Travis who is very, very dead now. “People don’t just look the other way when white cops shoot gay black dudes, bro,” Jacob whines. Roy and Jacob, who are both at fault, cook up a plan to explain it all in the morning.

Misty, who thinks Travis is hot, sneaks into the bathroom and finds he’s dead. She looks down his pants and leaves, oblivious to him being dead. Meanwhile, Damon is obsessed with cleaning up blood stains on the hardwood floors.

It’s time for the countdown to the new year! As the others celebrate, Stuart finds Travis’s body. Kira says, “You couldn’t even wait till midnight to kill someone,” she says, also adding that Roy killed a patient out of negligence because of their game last year. Soon, she’s dead too. Claire and Damon come in and learn what’s been going on. Damon’s upset about the blood on the floor.

Misty starts threatening everyone, which annoys Claire. Why not go for three? Claire stabs Misty. They pull out the knife, and she bleeds out all over Damon’s floor. Jacob then empties his gun into Claire.

Jacob, Roy, and Stuart talk about their secrets. Damon snaps, comes out of nowhere, and strangles Jacob with the Christmas lights. Stuart didn’t do anything, but Roy says he will blame him for Kira’s death if he doesn’t help cover things up.

Stuart runs outside, where he’s attacked by Damon, and both wind up in the swimming pool. Damon, who can’t swim, drowns. Now Stuart’s killed someone too. Roy comes up with a story that covers, well, some of it. Roy then spikes Stuart’s drink with all his drugs.

Roy amends his story to include Stuart overdosing on medications. Roy then calls 911, he just woke up because someone hit him, hangs up, and breaks a bottle over his own head to fake a wound.

Cookie the dog survives too.

Brian’s Commentary

This takes place on New Year’s Eve of 2024/New Year’s Day 2025, so it’s a little slow being released.

It also takes a while to get to the action, but once it does, it’s all pretty intense. It’s pretty low-budget, with eight actors and one house, but it all looks good, is nicely paced, and never lets up.

I guess Roy got away with it in the end? I was half-expecting an end credit scene with a twist, but that was just the real ending. Overall, it was fun.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was expecting more outright horror, but this was pretty low key. I’d call it more of a crime thriller or drama. Whatever the genre, I thought it was really well made and entertaining. It’s short and moves well. I liked it.

2024 Short Film: Fish Balls

• Directed by: Anwar Johari Ho

• Written by: Victor Yee Fei Chen, Andy Darrel Gomes, Anwar Johari Ho

• Stars: Kahoe Hon, Elise Shick

• Run Time: 15 Minutes

• Watch it:

What Happens

A man cries in the shower; he’s got a serious problem. We flash back to him cutting up fish, which he somehow turns into an erotic thing. We later see him with a bulge in his pants, and it’s throbbing excessively. He pulls the dead fish out of the trash can and buries it in the yard.

Not long after, he finds that he’s losing his hair and his skin is getting scaly. But that’s not the worst of it…

Commentary

Well, that’s a truly unique story.

It’s from Malaysia, and we don’t see much from them, so this is a nice surprise.

It’s not always entirely clear what’s going on, but some of it is all too clear. Our main character has a lot of self-control and self-esteem issues, and that leads to problems of a sexual nature.

The green lighting gives it all a sickly feel, but at times it’s too dark to see clearly, which is not good. The body horror and prosthetics are just about right, and it’s plenty weird.

1975 The Stepford Wives

• Directed by: Bryan Forbes

• Written by: Ira Levin, William Goldman

• Stars: Katherine Ross, Paula Prentiss, Peter Masterson

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 55 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A family moves to the small town of Stepford, Connecticut, where the wife and mom starts noticing a sinister undertone and some strange behavior from the wives of the town. It’s a good slow burn thriller and a time capsule of the society and life of 1975. It’s very dated and very entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

Joanna looks depressed at moving out of her big-city apartment. She, husband Walter, and the two kids are moving to a small town named Stepford. It’s a huge house, much bigger than what she’s used to.

Carol, one of the neighbors, comes over and brings a casserole and an offer of assistance if they need it. Walter is impressed. After sending the kids to school, Joanna is almost immediately bored.

The lady who runs the newspaper comes over and has lots of questions for Joanna. She notices how romantic the couple across the street are. Walter comes home and talks about being invited to the Men’s Association, where all the important men in town get together.

The family witnesses a minor fender-bender at the grocery store, and everyone freaks out. They call an ambulance for the woman who bumped her head but keeps insisting she’s fine. Joanna notices that the ambulance drives off in the opposite direction from the hospital.

Walter goes to the Men’s Club meeting and when he comes home, something has him very disturbed.

Joanna meets Bobby, who’s also a new transplant from the city. She’s very plainspoken and energetic, almost pushy.

The men from the group come over that night, and Joanna meets Dale Coba, AKA Diz, a multimillionaire who used to work at Disneyland. As the men make summer plans, one of them draws a creepy sketch of Joanna– especially detailed in certain parts of her face.

Diz throws a party, and Joanna and Bobby make jokes about the other women there; the women are strange. Carol gets especially weird, wandering around repeating herself. Diz catches on and so does her husband, who chastises her for drinking too much and leads her away.

The next day, Carol comes around and apologizes for being an alcoholic. Joanna comments that this town needs some more Women’s Lib. Marie and the other local women aren’t at all interested in that. Between ironing, baking, and gardening, the women are all too busy to join a movement. Eventually, they come to Charmaine, who seems normal and is interested in joining the two women. She also has only just recently moved here.

Claude comes over, also wanting to interview Joanna for no particular reason, just a hobby of his he says. He wants her to read a bunch of stuff into a tape recorder for voice sampling. She refuses unless the Stepford wives come to her Women’s Lib meeting, so the husbands all make sure their wives attend. All the women then show up, but they don’t participate at all. They do like talking about housework.

Joanna goes out to walk the dog, and the local policeman warns her not to go out at night. It’s a tiny, quiet town, so that seems odd to her.

The next day, the old newspaper lady comes around bragging that a black family is going to move into town soon; Stepford is such a liberal town! She mentions that there used to be a big Women’s Lib group in town, but interest in that all just suddenly dried up. Carol, of all people, used to be the president of the group.

Joanna and Bobby drive by Charmaine’s house and notice them tearing up the tennis court. Charmaine explains that her husband always hated tennis, and all she cares about now is pleasing him. She seems very different. She’s fired her maid and now likes to do all the housework herself.

Bobby literally thinks there’s something in the water in this town. There are so many computer, technology, and chemical companies in town, they could be doing something. They take a water sample to one of Joanna’s old boyfriends, but he says there’s nothing wrong with the water.

Bobby doesn’t like this answer and says she plans to leave town. Joanna asks Walter about moving, but he likes it here. Still, he agrees to move in the fall. Joanna and Bobby start looking for houses in a nearby town. Bobby mentions that her husband has a weekend getaway planned for them this week.

After Bobby gets back from her weekend, she’s dressed differently. She looks and acts differently. She loves housework, just like Charmaine!

Joanna tells Walter all about Bobby, and he says she’s going crazy. He goes on and on about how their house is a dump; when is she going to start fixing up the house? He makes a logical argument, and she’s not sure what to say or think.

Joanna goes to a psychiatrist, and the doctor knows Stepford is “unsocial.” Joanna tells the doctor her suspicions, but what can she do? She doesn’t want to become like one of those robots in Disneyland.

Joanna goes home to find the kids are away; only Walter is there, and he’s been drinking. She runs to Bobby, gets into an argument with her, and stabs the other woman. Bobby doesn’t bleed. Bobby does start glitching out in strange ways.

Joanna goes to “The Association’s” building to find her children, but the place looks deserted. She runs into Diz there, and he says she’s had the wrong idea all along. “It’s just another stage,” he explains. “Why? Because we can.”

She runs down the hall, into an exact replica of her bedroom; even her dog is there. So is she– an exact copy of her, but with weird unfinished eyes and bigger boobs. The robot approaches Joanna menacingly…

Some time later, we see the various women at the grocery store, as well as that new black family. All the women are there, including Charmain, Carol, Bobby, and yes, even Joanna is there now, doing the happy shopper things. She’s one of them now..

Brian’s Commentary

I saw this on network TV when it was first released, probably around 1976 or so, and I’d heard it was about robots. I was expecting something like “The Six Million Dollar Man” and was sorely disappointed– I was way too young to be entertained by this.

So many wood-paneled station wagons.

“Women’s Lib” and equal rights for women were the big topic when the film came out, and the whole film is basically pointing that out, contrasting “free” women from the subservient types. The whole thing is a little comical today, but it was a big deal back in the day.

It’s very dated, but I was still entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s said in trivia that the original screenplay by William Goldman included an ending where we see the Joanna robot violently kill the real Joanna. Director Bryan Forbes didn’t like that and did some rewriting, which angered Goldman, and they never spoke again.

As I was watching this, I realized I saw this at the theater when it came out (OVER FIFTY YEARS AGO?!?) and barely remembered it. So this was a refresher. I read the book more recently, and that’s really good too.

Katherine Ross is great in the role, I especially liked her scene talking to the therapist.

I’d consider this a classic. It’s excellent.

2003 Underworld

• Director: Len Wiseman

• Writers: Len Wiseman, and Danny McBride

• Stars: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Michael Sheen, Shane Brolly, Bill Nighy

• Runtime: 121 minutes (2 hours 1 minute)

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Vampires and werewolves have been at war for hundreds of years. Things get more complicated when one of the vampire warriors falls for a human that the werewolves seem to want for some reason. A reason we do find out in a complicated political situation and backstory. Out 23 years ago, the effects still hold up well. The movie is high on action and low on the horror elements, on the long side, but pretty entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that Lucien, the leader of the Lycans, has been killed and the Lycans all ran off to hide. The vampires have won the age-old battle. Six-hundred years later, the war continues. New Lycans don’t need the full moon anymore, so they’ve become even more dangerous. Selene is a Death-Dealer, a vampire whose job it is to hunt and kill Lycans.

Selene follows a man into the subway, but she’s not the only one following him. Suddenly, there’s a massive shootout, and Selene’s partner dies painfully from sunlight-filled bullets. Selene picks up a gun with special bullets from one of the dead Lycans, but she has to avoid the many others.

Back in the mansion, the vampires get upset when they see the bullets, but Kraven advises not taking the battle to the dogs. She then goes to a room with some ominous-looking manhole covers on the floor. Selene says that Viktor would be more proactive in the battle, but he’s asleep right now, leaving Kraven in charge of the local situation.

Meanwhile, a mad-scientist-type injects a man with a new serum. The leader of the werewolves comes in to check his progress. It’s another failure. We then cut to Michael, the man the wolves were following in the subway; he’s a doctor, and still the subject of their hunt.

At the big vampire party, Kraven is annoyed when Selene goes off looking for Michael instead of staying at the party. She finds him at home, but he has no idea why they’re after him. There’s an immediate attack, and Michael runs off– right into the Lycan leader. Selene shoots the man a few times, but he still has time to bite Michael and get a blood sample.

Selene gets stabbed and passes out, and Michael tries to save her since he’s a doctor. The werewolf leader says because of the bite, Michael will soon be one of them. Turns out, Michael’s blood tests positive– he is the one they’re looking for.

Michael is having nightmares now, and it gets worse when he sees his first vampire and runs off.

Kraven, on the other hand, seems ridiculously jealous of Michael for no particular reason. Turns out, he’s been meeting with the werewolf leader in some kind of backstabbing ploy. The werewolf leader is revealed to be Lucien, the old-time leader who is supposed to be dead. Kraven and Lucien faked the werewolf leader’s death centuries ago.

Knowing that there’s something wrong about Kraven, Selene sneaks into the manhole cover room and awakens Viktor, one of the ancient vampires. It’s not actually Viktor’s turn to wake up, Amelia was just about to awaken Marcus tomorrow night; Viktor is a hundred years too early.

Selene explains to Michael what’s going on. She tells him about her origin story, where Viktor turned her as a child. As all this is going on, the Lycan load their guns and trucks, preparing to attack the vampire castle.

Viktor isn’t sympathetic to being awakened early and says Selene must go on trial when Amelia, the current leader, arrives. Amelia soon does arrive, by train, and they hear the Lycans howling outside. They’re massacred on the train while Kraven and his vampires stand by and do nothing to help.

Selene comes for Michael as the Lycans break into the building beneath them. He gets captured by the Lycans, sees the full moon, and starts to change.

Selene brings the mad scientist before Viktor and Kraven. She makes him tell about Michael’s special trait. Michael is a descendant of the original creature who gave birth to both Lycans and Vampires. Michael can combine the two bloodlines into something new. He also fingers Kraven for helping Lucien escape six hundred years ago.

Viktor orders Selene to kill Michael immediately.

Michael and Lucien have a talk, and Lucien makes a lot of sense. We get a flashback to what actually started the war. Viktor had Lucien’s vampire wife killed - his own daughter - because he couldn’t abide the mixing of the races. Kraven then shoots Lucien in the back with a liquid silver bullet. Raze, the number two Lycan, finds Lucien’s body and then fights a vampire with silver whips.

Viktor shows up, and quickly demonstrates his badassery. Selene rescues Michael as Lucien watches from afar. Kraven shoots Michael with silver, and then reveals that it was Viktor who actually killed Selene’s parents long ago. Lucien tells Selene to bite Michael, and he’ll be half-and-half. Kraven then shoots Lucien repeatedly.

Viktor walks in, and he looks Michael over before throwing him into the next room. He’s not happy. As he and Selene argue about old times, Michael turns into a new kind of creature and attacks Viktor. Viktor gets the advantage, but Selene turns against him and slices her Maker’s head in half. She and Michael walk off together.

Meanwhile, back at the vampire castle, the dead mad scientist bleeds into the manhole cover in the floor, which will wake up Marcus, the third ancient vampire…

Brian’s Commentary

Probably the best part of all this is the complicated backstory, politics, and world-building behind the plot. The sets and costumes are memorable, and the special effects are good as well. The werewolves don’t quite hold up to today’s CGI, but they aren’t bad.

It was good in 2003, and it still holds up really well today. Well, except for the cheap foldable cellphones everyone uses.

Kevin’s Commentary

I saw this at the theater when it came out, and I’d forgotten how high in action it is. It’s got style too. And a real lack of bright color.

The effects hold up pretty well, though the CGI is pretty obvious at times. It felt a bit on the long side, but I was still entertained seeing it again.

Contact Info:

Email: mailto:email@horrorguys.com

Websites:

• https://www.horrorguys.com

• https://www.horrormonthly.com

We’ll then watch something really unusual. What if Star Wars was a horror film? “Project: Blackwing” is exactly that. We’ll then watch a couple of vintage classics, “The Black Sleep” from 1956 and “I Spit on Your Grave” from 1978. Good stuff!

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #58, for July 2026, is out now! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://amzn.to/4vlSZv3

Mainstream Films:

2026 Obsession

• Directed by: Curry Barker

• Written by: Curry Barker

• Stars: Michael Johnston, Inde Navarrette, Cooper Tomlinson

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 48 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A guy taps into some magic to make a wish that his crush will like him back. And the movie proceeds into a lesson of be careful what you wish for. It’s said that it was made on a small budget, but you wouldn’t know it. The pacing, direction, effects, story, and cast are all excellent. It’s an all around very good movie. We both really enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Bear tells Nikki how much he loves her, and that she’s out of his league. No– he’s just rehearsing with friends; he could never tell the real Nikki all that. He’s afraid to even flirt with the real girl. Ian tries to give him tips on asking her out, but it’s obviously not going to work. Bear gets home and finds out his cat got into his drugs and died, which makes his day even worse. Credits roll.

Nikki calls and wants Bear to meet her for trivia night, the one thing Ian warned him not to do. He goes to a store to buy her a necklace, but instead, he finds a “One Wish Willow,” which supposedly grants wishes. The clerk tells him not to come back and complain.

After a trivia night with Ian and Sarah, Bear drives Nikki home. They talk, and she’s going to quit her job, where she works with him. We see that Sarah really likes Bear, but he only has eyes for Nikki. He’s just too shy to say anything and blows the opportunity badly.

He forgot to give her the “One Wish Willow,” so he opens it himself. “I wish Nikki would love me more than anyone in the fucking world!”

Nikki comes back to the car, and her attitude seems different; she invites him inside. No, she wants to go to his place. He doesn’t want to take advantage, but she doesn’t make that easy, since she wants him to sleep in the same bed with her. Turns out, she doesn’t want to do any sleeping. Occasionally, she seems to “wake up” from whatever is controlling her.

Bear Googles the One Wish Willow to see if they really work, and the consensus is “No,” they’re a scam.

In the morning, Nikka has made a really gross memorial to Bear’s dead cat. At work, he tries to explain the previous night to Ian, but he doesn’t understand it. Nikki spends all day at work just staring at Bear.

That night, Nikki shows up dressed for their date, and Bear didn’t even know they had one. She apologizes for being on MDMA last night, and she doesn’t remember much about last night.

Soon, they are inseparable. Ian notices the sudden change in Nikki and tells Bear that something is wrong. Bear just has no confidence at all, and Nikki loves that more than anyone in the world. He knows what’s up, but he doesn’t stop, either.

She watches him sleep. She wears his clothes. She gets just a little bossy. In the morning, he makes her promise “No more weird stuff.” Except he soon finds that she’s taped the door shut so he can’t go to work today.

Sarah also thinks that Nikki is playing some kind of game with Bear, but he knows better. Sarah complains about the notes someone keeps sending her at work. Is Bear’s lunch sandwich made of weeks-old dead cat?

Bear notices a customer-service phone number on the box of the One Wish Willow and calls it. The man on the other end says he can cancel the wish, but he can’t modify it. No, just kidding, he can’t cancel it either. “As long as you live,” says the man. “If you die, the wish will go away.” The man puts the real Nikki on the phone, and all she does is scream.

At Ian’s party, Niki reads a story she’s been working on, and it’s…. Weird. The party games get awkward– really awkward. The party ends badly. It gets to the point where she waits outside the bathroom door when he has to pee.

Bear tries to explain to Nikki that this is not normal. He just wants her to be normal.

Later that night, Bear gets a text from Sarah, who wants to meet him in the park. “Kill me, please,” says Nikki without moving her mouth. Bear sneaks out to meet Sarah, who wants to know what’s going on. She explains that Nikki and Ian had been hooking up for years, and he believes this whole thing is to get back at him. Suddenly, Nikki shows up and beats Sarah to death with a brick. “This is all your fault,” she explains.

Bear goes back to the occult shop, covered with blood, to buy another One Wish Willow, and the man inside knows all about them. It’s called ONE wish willow for a reason, since you only get one chance. Maybe he could get someone else to make a new wish.

Ian says Sarah keeps texting him from Bear’s house, wanting him to come over. Nikki’s trying to lure him to his death. Bear explains about the wishes. Ian wishes for a billion dollars instead, and it starts raining money from the sky. Almost immediately after, Nikki shoots Ian in the head.

Knowing this will end with his death, Bear puts the gun in his mouth and can’t do it. Instead, he takes a bunch of pills. He kisses her and falls over, dead.

The spell is broken. Nikki wakes up and starts screaming.

Brian’s Commentary

How’s she going to explain all this to the police?

It starts out normal enough, but spirals more and more out of control. The pacing is really good, it never slows down even a little bit.

It’s pretty great.

Kevin’s Commentary

The most awful romance movie ever. But a great horror movie. I think I’d agree with the positive hype around this movie. It is a really good one. The whole package, all the elements are there.

2026 Hungry

• Director: James Nunn

• Writers: James Nunn

• Stars: Madison Davenport, Tracey Bonner, Joaquim de Almeida, Michel Curiel, Samantha Coughlan, Olivia Bernstone, Jim Meskimen

• Runtime: 93 minutes (1 hour 33 minutes)

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A rogue hippopotamus in the Louisiana swamp makes sport of a tour group there to see the gators. It’s a very serious movie, supposedly loosely based or inspired by the action board game “Hungry, Hungry Hippos,” but it’s not for kids.

It takes a little while to get to the mayhem, but it’s pretty realistic in how it gets there. It was a better than average people vs nature creature feature.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a swamp, with all the usual wildlife. There’s an alligator out there, but something big that we don’t see eats it. Credits roll.

It’s New Orleans. Sistine (Tina) and Hannah talk to Rodrigo about an alligator tour in the bayou. Tina gets the phone call that she’s been fired for taking her approved vacation days.

In the morning, the girls get on “Gator Joe’s” tour bus. There’s an older guy Tim, his daughter Sally, and her son, Mike, along as well. Dionne is there too. Rodrigo is their driver and tour guide.

The group stops at the gift ship for a look at the trinkets and bones. Mr. Walker claims that the most dangerous creature he ever killed was a hippopotamus in Africa. He explains that they’re vegetarian, but they’re still more dangerous than you’d think. He explains that at the turn of the century, hippos were brought over here as a food source to replace cows, but it never caught on.

The boat leaves, and Rodrigo homes in on the alligators, which all have tracking devices on them. They arrive where “Big Ben,” the largest alligator is supposed to be, but he doesn’t appear. They soon find Ben, torn into pieces, on the bank of the river. Tim gets scared; Dionne wants in closer for a better photo. They all start to argue.

Something big hits the boat and capsizes it. Rodrigo gets injured, and everyone gets on the bottom of the capsized boat. Some of them climb into nearby trees. Rodrigo admits that they’re off course, as he took a bribe from Dionne to see Big Ben.

Hannah thinks old man Tim, a retired firefighter, is pretty hot. Dionne just wants out of all this. Sistine is depressed about her mother’s medical bills and her lost job.

The hippo returns, smashes into the tree, and knocks Hannah into the water. Tim and Sistine jump in to help, but both Tim and Hannah become hippo chow. They all see what kind of animal they’re dealing with now.

Back at Gator Joe’s they notice the boat is five hours late returning. Walker has a tracker on all the boats and goes looking for them, alone.

Next, we get a contrived scene where Sistine has to dive under the boat to retrieve the tracker and finds Hannah’s body under there. They pour gasoline in the water to scare off the hippo. They retrieve the tracker and turn it on, which alerts Walker as to where they are.

The group watches as Walker’s boat approaches in the dark; he says it’s impossible that it could be a hippo. Everyone gets into his boat. Dionne goes berserk and pushes Mike into the water, and he’s promptly swallowed.

Walker says there’s a change of plan: they’re all getting back up into the trees. He’s got some tranquilizers, but they might not be enough for the huge hippo. Sally, who just lost her father and her son, jumps into the water and swims off into the fog.

The hippo attacks, bites Walker in the leg, but Rodrigo shoots it with one of the tranquilizers before dying. Walker, Sistine, and Dionne get in Walker’s boat, which is out of fuel, and start rowing. Walker talks about an old plan to farm hippos in Louisiana, and this one must be a leftover from that.

The trio stops at an old abandoned gator farm. Walker thinks that maybe they grew the hippos here. They find many large cages and generations of skeletons. They find a baby hippo, but then the big one attacks.

The plan is to burn the place to the ground and hope someone sees the fire. Before they can do that, Dionne locks Walker in a room with a big baddie. Dionne wants to go back to the boat, but Sistine wants to sit on top of the cages and wait for help to arrive. Dionne pays for her stupidity.

In the meantime, Sistine releases the trapped baby hippo. The big one leads the baby away as helicopters approach. As she flies away, Sistine sees the hippos playing in the river.

Brian’s Commentary

From the name and subject matter, I was expecting this to be funnier: “Hungry Hungry Hippos The Movie” or something like that. It’s actually a fairly standard people-versus-wildlife horror movie.

The first fifteen minutes or so, as the characters arrive and the tour starts, all seems very authentic, the way this sort of tour actually works.

The hippo looks surprisingly real. Overall, the whole thing was far better than I expected.

Kevin’s Commentary

I too was surprised by how serious the movie is. The game is much zanier.

Everything was seeming pretty realistic until they got to the gasoline fire on the surface of the water, a measure meant to keep the hippo away, that burned way better and longer than it should have. But other than that, the effects are good.

And as she flew away, the baby hippo said, “Thank you lady. When I get big I won’t eat you.”

I was expecting the worst, but it ended up being a decently entertaining movie.

2026 Short Film: Project Blackwing

• Directed by: Courtlan Gordon

• Written by: Courtlan Gordon

• Stars: Mark Gonzalez, Tom Hinchcliffe, Vincente DiSanti

• Run Time: 23 Minutes

• Watch it:

What Happens

Rebel pilot “Orphan” gets his X-Wing shot down over a mysterious planet. He’s badly injured, and there’s no one around to help except for the disembodied head of an Imperial medical droid. The droid has a story to tell, but Orphan may not be able to wait out a rescue mission due to the strange monster that attacks every night…

Commentary

This is really good for a fan-made film. It doesn’t look cheap, the pacing and cinematography are well done, and it’s a lot of fun. It’s essentially the Star Wars version of a zombie horror movie.

If you’re a Star Wars fan who likes horror, this is a must-see!

1978 I Spit on Your Grave

• Director: Meir Zarchi

• Writer: Meir Zarchi

• Stars: Camille Keaton, Eron Tabor, Richard Pace, Anthony Nichols

• Runtime: 102 minutes (1 hour 42 minutes)

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

After a writer living alone is attacked and assaulted by four men, she takes brutal revenge on them. They didn’t double check their math when they made the poster that says she took care of five men. This is a weak movie surrounding multiple long scenes of graphic violence and suffering. The violence and sexual assaults are very realistic. There’s some debate if the movie is exploitative or empowering. Either way, it’s notorious for a reason.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch Jennifer load her car with suitcases in the big city. She stops at a small-town gas station (with 63 cent gas) to ask directions to the lake. She explains that she’s rented a summer house there.

She arrives at the house, strips naked, and jumps in the lake. When she unpacks later, she finds a pistol in one of the drawers. Matthew comes to the door to deliver her food, and he thinks New York City is an evil place. He’s pretty simple, and he’s impressed when he hears that she’s a writer. He’s weird, but he’s a nice weird.

Matthew tells all about Jennifer to the guys at the gas station. He, along with Johnny, Stanley, and Andy, go fishing and talk about the sexy chicks. Matthew insists that Jennifer is special to him, and the others notice.

The next day, Jennifer is out working on her book and sees the guys approach in their boat. They’re annoying, so she goes inside to work. That night, she hears someone outside and considers the gun, but nothing happens.

The following day, she’s out in her canoe and the guys catch up to her in their motorboat and annoy her some more. Andy and Stanley drag her boat to the swamp and chase her through the woods until they run into Johnny, the leader of the group. They hold her down and tear her clothes off, and then call Matthew over to rape her. He can’t do it, but Johnny can– and does!

When it’s done, they still want Matthew to take his turn, but Matthew knows that’s wrong. She ends up walking home through the woods and swamp, naked, crying all the way. After a long walk she runs into the same guys again, and this time, Andy takes a turn. Jennifer can barely stand up after this round.

Jennifer finally makes it home, and she’s a mess. She crawls inside and gets to the phone to call the police– except the guys are already there waiting for her. After a great deal of goading, Matthew finally loses his virginity– nope, he can’t finish with an audience. Stanley finally gets his turn, right there in the living room.

On the way out, the guys decide they need to kill Jennifer to keep her quiet. They talk Matthew into doing it. He goes inside, chickens out, and wipes some of her blood on the knife before leaving.

Jennifer eventually wakes up, cleans up, and rests up. Johnny wonders why they haven’t seen any police at Jennifer’s house, and it’s been two weeks. Someone should have found the body by now. They start to wonder if Matthew really killed her. They’re all getting jittery about the whole thing. They drive by and see Jennifer outside.

Jennifer is somewhat recovered, scars and all, and she takes the gun with her to town. She stalks Johnny at the gas station and sees that he’s married with kids. She follows Matthew on his grocery deliveries. She orders some food, and Matthew knows the address; he takes a knife. When he arrives, she lures him out into the woods and seduces him. Then she hangs him with a noose and dumps his body in the river.

At the gas station, Jennifer shows up and seduces Johnny as well. She pulls out her gun and tells him to undress. He says this was all her fault; she drove them to do it. A bit later, she castrates him in the bathtub and he bleeds to death after a lot of screaming. There’s quite a mess to clean up.

Andy and Stanley head out in their boat toward Jennifer’s place; they know she had something to do with the disappearances. She swims over to Stanley’s boat, pushes him in, and chews him up with the propeller. She then kills Andy with his own axe.

Jennifer smiles as she speeds away in the motorboat.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s gotta be compared to “Last House on the Left,” (1972), which was six years before this. Both portray brutal rape scenes followed by revenge.

There’s the rape scenes and four murders (the poster lies about the body count). Other than that, there’s not much of a plot. The gore is pretty good and everything plays out pretty realistically.

I didn’t hate it.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was originally released in 1978 under the title “Day of the Woman,” and it was a flop. In 1980 distributor Jerry Gross renamed it, and publicity took off, with Siskel and Ebert complaining about it helping quite a bit. It’s been a notorious anti-hit ever since.

I’m sure I was taken to see “Last House on the Left” (a very similar film) when it showed at the drive-in, but I am quite sure this was the first time I’d seen this one.

Some of the scenes are graphic and realistic, without any body double work. It would have been a really awkward movie to make.

It’s interesting, but I didn’t find it very entertaining.

1956 The Black Sleep

• Director: Reginald LeBorg

• Writers: John C. Higgins (Screenplay) | Gerald Drayson Adams (Story)

• Stars: Basil Rathbone, Akim Tamiroff, Lon Chaney Jr., John Carradine, Bela Lugosi

• Runtime: 82 minutes (1 hour 22 minutes)

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A rich and brilliant scientist isn’t quite mad, but he does have a secret lair and dabbles in extreme medication and experimental brain surgery. Once he gets a willing assistant, he goes full tilt with his work. It’s well made with good special effects of the time and great sets, but the pacing is slow and uneven. It’s on the dull side with some entertaining moments.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get a voiceover about a strange drug that essentially makes zombies. It’s an ancient drug, and it induces “the black sleep.” Credits roll.

At Newgate Prison in 1872, we watch as Sir Joel Cadman visits Dr. Ramsay in his cell. Gordon Ramsay was a promising student, but he’s scheduled to be hanged in the morning. Gordon says he was framed for killing Curry, but he doesn’t really remember any of it. Sir Joel gives Gordon some of the “black sleep” drug to help him through the execution in the morning.

In the morning, Gordon is dead, probably of heart failure, hours before the execution. Sir Joel Cadman takes possession of the body, takes him home, and tells his servant, Odo, that Gordon is just in suspension, not dead. When Gordon wakes up, Cadman reads him his own death certificate. Cadman explains the whole thing to him.

The two doctors head off to Cadman’s remote castle to do more experiments. Casimir, the butler, lets them in. One of Cadman’s patients, Mungo, chases Laurie around the house until Daphne makes him stop. Daphne’s the nurse, and she keeps all the patients sleeping with the drug. Angelina, for example, has been in a drug-induced coma for 238 days, waiting for brain surgery.

Gordon mentions that Mungo reminds him of Dr. Munro, a brilliant doctor. Turns out, it’s the same man, now insane. Cadman discusses his theories of brain surgery and phrenology. Cadman’s got his laboratory in a secret room in the castle. Daphne and Laurie are already there getting a cadaver ready for them. We see that the corpse has the same tattoo that Odo has. By electrically stimulating various areas of the brain, he can make the corpse respond in various ways. Cadman eventually admits that the man they’re cutting into is still alive, under the black sleep. Gordon objects, but Cadman says it’s all justified.

That night, Gordon breaks up another fight between Mungo and Laurie. Laurie takes Gordon into her confidence; she feels sad for Mungo, who is actually her father but is now just a monster. Cadman operated on his brain, and it went badly. Dr. Cadman has an evil streak, and she knows it.

Cadman talks about his past surgeries with Gordon, and there’s a lot he’s hiding. Odo shows up unexpectedly, and he’s had trouble from the police while acquiring new corpses.

We then get a long scene where Odo pays a woman to model for him but then drugs her. He gives her the tattoo and gets her body ready to send off to Cadman. The police show up and want to search the place. This whole scene goes on for ages, and not much happens. Afterward, Odo simply kills the woman to keep her quiet.

Gordon and Laurie talk about prisoners and patients. Gordon starts calling the patients, “victims.” Gordon theories that one of the previous patients was Curry, the man he was accused of murdering. Gordon tells her all about his situation.

They find a different secret door, and inside this one, they find a dungeon with prisoners. An old man, Bohemond, thinks it’s the year 1100. They also find the man that they operated on the other day, and he’s all disfigured now. There are more, including Curry, who’s not dead at all.

Cadman and the other characters catch them in the act, and Daphne orders Mungo to grab Gordon. They all go upstairs, not realizing that Gordon gave the cell keys to Curry.

Cadman needs Gordon to help with one more operation, this time on Angelina, Cadman’s wife, who needs brain surgery. She’s the reason he’s been doing all this. Odo shows up with the dead woman, and Cadman is not pleased. Cadman decides to use Odo as his next subject– no, maybe Laurie will do instead.

The police arrive downstairs, following Odo. Cadman gets rid of them quickly. Curry, Bohemond, and the others break out of the prison, shouting “Kill! Kill!” Meanwhile, Gordon sedates Mungo and then the crazies kill him. Cadman carries in Angelina, and the crazies make him fall off a ledge to his death. The police return and arrest Odo as they get the full story from Gordon.

Gordon and Laurie have a happy ending.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s got a great cast of old horror icons that really don’t do anything other than lend their name to the movie poster. Lugosi doesn’t speak. Chaney doesn’t do much other than shamble around, as does Tor Johnson. John Carradine gets lines, but he’s little more than a cameo.

It’s not awful, but it’s a long way from great. Probably its worst offense is all the wasted talent.

Kevin’s Commentary

That was the coolest fireplace secret door.

This was the actual last film of Bela Lugosi, or last complete role. Two big names in non-speaking roles, draws an audience and saves money. Plus lots of other recognizable faces of the time.

They almost had Peter Lorre too, he was meant to be the gypsy role, but he wanted more salary than the budget would allow.

It had some interesting moments, but overall I thought it was on the dull side.

Contact Info:

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Websites:

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All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #58, for July 2026, is releasing soon! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Short Films:

2025 Short Film: Hand

• Directed by: Jennifer Winterbotham

• Written by: Jennifer Winterbotham

• Stars: Sharlene Cruz, Dario Vazquez, Emma Ramos

• Run Time: 18 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

Amber and Justin are in the process of breaking up, and she’s taking it badly. As she walks back to her car in a daze, she accidentally cuts her hand on a cactus. Out of the blue, Justin slits his wrists, but that’s OK because she’s got bandages. Or maybe that was a dream.

Later, she talks to her friend on the phone, and we see the cut on her hand and the breakup are real. At work, her hand starts bothering her, and she continues to hallucinate Justin.

What exactly is going on here?

Commentary

So many horror movies could simply be avoided if people actually went to the doctor! Anyway, on to the important question— does mustard expire?

We know something is off about Amber right from the beginning, but finding out the specifics takes some time, and it’s all very suspenseful. The hallucinations are really well done with the accompanying special effects.

Great!

2026 Short Film: The End is at Hand

• Directed by: Japhet E. Velazquez

• Written by: Sam Gallen

• Stars: Efren Ramirez, Richard Kind

• Run Time: 9 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

Frank calls the phone repair place, and he’s not happy about how long it’s taking to get his phone back. Meanwhile, the repairman gets to work on his phone and pulls out something gooey.

Wait— is that blood?

The repairman’s never had a job like this before!

Commentary

Richard Kind is getting up there in years, but his voice is still identifiable and hilarious. The creature and body horror effects are very good, and it’s obvious exactly what’s going on at all times. And be sure to continue watching (and listening) through the closing credits.

2025 Short Film: Ce qu’on laisse derrière / What We Leave Behind

• Directed by: Jean-Sebastien Hamel, Alexandra Myotte

• Written by: Jean-Sebastien Hamel, Alexandra Myotte

• Stars: Jack Jackel, Jean-Sebastien Hamel

• Run Time: 11 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

Dan tries to watch TV, but his neck has a huge hole in it, so his head won’t sit up straight. He gets drunk and breaks into the hockey rink, where he hallucinates getting beat up. The guard comes in and sees the hole in his neck.

What’s going on here?

Commentary

It is animated in a very psychedelic, dreamlike way, and it’s interesting to watch one thing develop into the next. Dan is remembering his tormented, bullied youth, and it’s not pleasant. We eventually find out about his neck-hole, and it’s not a fun trip.

2025 Short Film: MANTIS STREAM! LIKE & SUBSCRIBE

• Directed by: Sarah Maerten, Lincoln Robisch

• Written by: Sarah Maerten, Lincoln Robisch

• Stars: Joseph Anthony Carroll, Sarah Maerten, Donald Inn

• Run Time: 9 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

A man proposes to a woman dressed like a praying mantis. It’s all a part of their livestream show. Craig is all very serious, but Mandy is only in it for likes and subscribes. He asks her for a mantis egg, and she pours them down his throat.

Craig, on the other hand, chokes on the egg. She can’t help him because of her costume. The paramedics show up, and they’re into the “likes” again. Craig staggers outside, where the police are filming a thing, and he’s dying the whole time.

Will Craig be OK? Will he get enough likes?

Commentary

It’s really dumb, but it’s also a representation of streamer culture, doing anything for likes. It gets weirder and weirder as it progresses, and it’s all really well done. The special effects are really impressive once it gets going as well.

If you agree with my review, LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE!

2026 Short Film: Don’t Puke

• Directed by: Daniel Chisholm

• Written by: Daniel Chisholm

• Stars: Janka Horakova, Claire Uicker, Mitra Adib-Moghaddam

• Run Time: 9 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

It’s Charlie’s birthday, and she’s out with her friends drinking… heavily. She leaves the bar looking for food and staggers around trying hard not to puke. As she walks up to Kebab Castle, she watches as another woman pukes and barely manages not to join in.

Will she succeed?

Commentary

When that room starts spinning, there’s no getting off the ride. Anyone who’s tried to avoid barfing knows the terror involved. It’s fun, and fairly effective body horror at that!

2026 Short Film: Imago

• Directed by: Ariel Zengotta

• Written by: Ariel Zengotta

• Stars: Didi Romero, Josh Plasse, Denise Blazer

• Run Time: 13:20

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

It’s Ana’s birthday, and everyone sings. She sees a bug on the table and just stares at it. Later, she laughs at Billy’s gringo accent. Things soon devolve to him admitting that he loves her. Ana’s mother calls, and they both panic ridiculously.

Ana’s mother is having some kind of emergency, so Ana has to leave in a hurry. When Ana pulls back the covers, we see that her mother is turning into a big bug— that doesn’t keep her from arguing with Ana. “I’ve got like sixteen fucking legs now!”

And then it gets weird…

Commentary

The bug creature is really well done. The mother-daughter dynamics are more than a little on-the-nose.

It’s very funny, and very well done.

2026 Short Film: Scissors

• Directed by: Hanna Alline

• Written by: Hanna Alline

• Stars: Ethan Embry, Jenna Kanell, Georgia Bridgers

• Run Time: 12 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

A woman buys beer in a convenience store and flashes the clerk. A stranger, Terry, watches her do it, and he follows her out. Terry calls his ex on the phone, and she hates him so much it’s on her answering machine.

Terry’s a stalker/serial killer, but he’s chosen the wrong house…

Commentary

Don’t mess with the lesbians!

Terry’s maybe the worst stalker ever; he talked himself right out of the whole thing. Then again, sometimes a stalker isn’t the worst guy at the party.

Very well done!

2025 Short Film: I have A

• Directed by: Rory WT

• Written by: Rory WT

• Stars: Nathan Rizwan (animated)

• Run Time: 5 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

An animated man decides to list all the good things in life. Somehow, this goes terribly wrong.

Commentary

Horror? Well, it’s life and death; sometimes it’s pretty horrific.

The animation is fun, and the rhyme is amazing. It kept reminding me of the “Pen Pineapple Apple Pen” from a few years ago.

2025 Short Film: What Are Grandchildren Made Of?

• Directed by: Lindsey Susor

• Written by: Lindsey Susor

• Stars: Mike Gassaway, Jeanine Henry, Loralei Godwin

• Run Time: 12 Minutes

• Submitted as an entry in the “Palm Springs International ShortFest”

What Happens

Lilly’s grandfather forgot and left her in the car for many hours, and now she’s dead. Or is she? No, she’s back alive again. She can respawn after death. “You think this can help us pay off our car?” asks Grandma.

Grandpa takes her out back and shoots her in the head. Then he goes inside, grabs, and does it again. Soon, there’s a whole pile of dead Lillys in the backyard.

Yes, Grandpa’s found a way to pay off the car.

Commentary

So THAT’s how organ harvesting works. This is really clever and funny, and it actually makes sense, in a twisted way.

The ending is great as well. Oops!

Contact Info:

Email: mailto:email@horrorguys.com

Websites:

• https://www.horrorguys.com

• https://www.horrormonthly.com

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #57, for June 2026, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2025 Hold the Fort

• Director: William Bagley

• Writers: William Bagley (written by), Scott Hawkins (story)

• Stars: Haley Leary, Chris Mayers, Julian Smith, Tordy Clark, Hamid-Reza Benjamin Thompson

• Runtime: 74 minutes

• Official Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Because they didn’t read their home owners association contract, a young couple find themselves in a battle with assorted creatures from a hell portal. It’s very funny while being full on horror with a gory body count. The effects, cast, and script were all very good. We thought it was really entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

An old man and woman argue about defending the house against something. There’s something wrong with their land, and she wants to sell the place. He refuses, but he may not have a choice.

When the realtor and a new buyer come to look at the house in the morning, there are bullets everywhere and the old woman, covered in blood, says “We’ll sell.” Credits roll as a whole new subdivision is built on the spot.

Lucas argues with Jenny about moving into a place with an HOA. She’s not a fan of HOAs, but he thinks it’s all pretty cool. They get an invitation to the annual equinox party tonight. Jerry, the HOA guy, shows up at the door.

“Welcome to the Equinox. Please don’t die” says the banner at the party. Ted and Annette say there’s plenty of weird stuff that goes on here. They explain the legend of the equinox; once a year, a portal from Hell opens up and all kinds of creatures pour out to kill. The “Fort” that was here defends against the monsters, so now they can all get drunk and celebrate. Ted asks, “Can you shoot? You can always tell which neighbors are gonna last.”

Jerry starts his presentation, and he talks about expecting a horde of witches. “Magic can’t stop bullets,” but the price of silver is going to limit their werewolf defenses. The Stick Man might be the worst of all of them, the leader of the dark army. Then there’s a raffle and Lucas wins a shotgun. Everyone jokes that there’s no way Lucas is going to survive the night.

Jerry freaks out and says “They’re early tonight!” and everyone goes on full alert. We get a glimpse of the Hell portal, wide open outside.

The witches attack, and one man dies right away, splattering Lucas with blood. McScruffy, the local weapons guy, shows up, and he’s armed for witches. It’s all very violent, but the witches are soon dead. Lucas, who doesn’t know guns, shoots McScruffy in the leg.

Jerry explains that this is all pretty standard HOA stuff “Gotta pay for bullets and shit,” he explains, which is why the fees are so high. Jerry then passes out because he ate too many cheesesticks with muscle relaxers in them.

Three of the men inside the house turn into zombies. There’s a crazy battle, and soon there are five zombies. Everyone hides in the closet. Lucas tries to call 911, but they keep hanging up on him. “Didn’t you read anything in your HOA contract?”

Ted explains that there’s no property tax here, so the portal to Hell is generally worth it. They explain about the kung-fu spirits that control the zombies, and Lucas thinks he can get to the special sword. When they get out of the closet, the zombies are gone.

The fog rolls in. “He’s here,” says Jerry. Ted gives Lucas a sort of pep talk as they hear a werewolf outside. The two finally defeat the kung-fu zombies by working together. Suddenly, a huge werewolf shows up, and it takes forever for Jenny to figure out how to load the gun with silver bullets.

Ted gets killed in the meantime, but that doesn’t keep him down. Lucas uses the mini-chainsaw on him.

Lucas apologizes to Jenny for moving into an HOA. She says she would have liked the place under different circumstances. Jerry and Annette say that there’s another wave coming. Jerry wants to mix things up by attacking the portal with Annette’s moonshine bottles.

Lucas, with McScruffy duct-taped on his back, runs toward the portal with a huge load of moonshine as they are swarmed by kamikaze bats. They fall down and lose the moonshine, but McScruffy has a huge bomb strapped to his chest, so that’s Plan B.

Back in the clubhouse, something grabs Jerry, leaving Jenny and Annette alone. It suddenly gets really cold, and the Stick Man shows up just in time to kill Annette. As he moves in to kill Jenny, Lucas helps McScruffy to jump into the Hell portal with his bomb.

As the portal explodes, so do the remaining monsters.

One year later, new people move into the HOA, and Jerry shows up to invite them to a party tonight. Lucas and Jenny don’t expect anything will happen this year, and they’re part of the HOA.

As the closing credits roll, we see the power of cocaine in large quantities.

Brian’s Commentary

Always read your HOA contract. At least now we really understand what those fees are for.

It’s fast-paced, funny, and has excellent effects. I thought it was pretty great.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was really a lot of fun. Which continues into the closing credits with some outtakes. It’s well made and entertaining.

2026 Love is the Monster

• Director: Alex Noyer

• Writers: Alex Noyer, Hannu Aukia, Blair Bathory

• Stars: Madeline Zima, Leonardo Nam, Kimberly-Sue Murray, Moe Jeudy-Lamour, Kristina Tonteri-Young, Milla Puolakanaho, Sheila McCarthy

• Runtime: 86 minutes

• Official Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Multiple couples go on a therapy retreat in Finland, which is unfortunately the home of an ancient goddess of love who damages her playthings. Things aren’t quite right from the beginning and only go downhill from there. It’s well put together, a little on the slow side, but overall pretty good. We were entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch a commercial for a romantic retreat for couples. Lempo has many testimonials of people that it’s helped. “Free your hearts in the name of love,” the woman, Tina, says. We then cut to some kind of blood ritual of Lempo that involves glowing eyes and human sacrifice. Credits roll.

Ana wakes up, hearing a bird inside the house. She doesn’t find a bird but does find the ghost of her dead boyfriend outside. Justin wakes up inside, and he has a weird vision as well. There’s no phones allowed in this resort, but it’s only three days, so they’ll probably survive that. They come outside and meet the rest of the guests: Harper says this place isn’t for everyone, but doesn’t get to finish her thought.

They all notice the many loud birds on the island, and then Tina, their host, arrives. Tina shows an unusual interest in Ana, but mostly ignores Justin. Tina is weird. Blake introduces herself and mentions that Lempo is a Finnish word, and it’s also the goddess of birds.

All the guests convene in the sauna, and they all beat each other with tree branches. After, something attacks Ana in the lake. She then starts noticing various people’s eyes glowing oddly.

The group does an exercise looking at each other in broken mirrors and Ana sees Marko, her dead boyfriend, once again. Justin has no idea who Marko is; Tina accuses Justin of being unfaithful. Tina knows that Ana blames herself for Marko’s death.

Everyone then gets naked and goes swimming after Tina paints herself with blood. There is much frolicking, and even Ana and Justin go at it. All the couples pair off for sex, and each pair behaves differently as Tina does a ritual. An old ghost-woman appears to watch all of them, as their eyes all glow. By the time they’re all done, one couple is dead; Petri and Blake dispose of the bodies.

In the morning, Ana and Justin argue about their respective affairs. Ana runs outside and sees Tina and Petri being weird in the woods. All the guests are surprisingly hostile with each other.

Ana wants to go home, and Justin thinks a lot of the strangeness is all in her head, which just makes her angrier. Petri explains that she can’t leave, as it’s Midsummer and all the taxis have shut down.

Everyone wanders around outside, and they all notice just how many birds, both alive and dead, are all over the place. Ana sees Marko again, and this time, she follows him.

Tina starts another ritual, and the old bird-woman, Lempo, is there. Everyone is in a trance except for Ana, who is there unwillingly. Tina cuts the old woman’s throat and puts the blood in a cup. Tina wants Ana to be Lempo’s new vessel; she forces Ana to drink the blood. Everyone else is some kind of trance. Justin and Harper have sex right there in front of everyone.

Lance, Harper’s husband, wakes up and causes trouble while Blake grabs Ana and runs off into the woods. Blake admits that Marko was her half-brother, and she’s part of the Lempo cult. Petri sneaks up and stabs Blake in the back before coming after Ana.

Some of the other couples have lethal difficulties. After killing Harper, Ana grabs a rowboat and heads away from the island– at least until Justin shows up begging her to come back for him. She’s captured once again.

Tina and Petri use Justin to sacrifice Ana to Lempo. He resists, and ends up stabbing Tina. Petri prays to Lempo, who brings Tina back to life. Tina then rips out his heart with her bare hand.

Out of nowhere, Blake, who isn’t dead, shows up and calls on a different Finnish god to stop Lempo-Tina. Blake doesn’t live long after that. Tina then pulls out Ana’s still-beating heart and bleeds all over it attempting to transfer into Ana.

A bird crawls out of Blake’s body and attacks Tina, who bursts into flame.

Later, Ana wakes up as a man in a boat approaches. He sees Ana and recognizes her as Lempo; he’s a cultist as well. Justin and Harper are still alive, but no longer in a trance. They leave all the corpses for the birds.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s clear from the beginning that this whole thing is some kind of weird setup, and that Tina and Petri have something going on.

There are lots of CGI birds, some well done, and some not. We also noticed some bonfires looked completely computer generated for some reason.

It’s not a mythology I’m familiar with, so all the Lempo stuff was new for me. Overall, I was entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

Wind and fire conditions must have limited them to CGI fires at times.

Overall though, I thought it was pretty well made, and I enjoyed it.

2026 Animals

• Director: Maya Gray

• Writers: Maya Gray

• Stars: Rachel Alig, Serine Sianosian, Geneva Cimone, Jamie Criss, Chad Anderson, Peter Kalisch

• Runtime: 22 minutes

• Official Trailer: N/A

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A grieving woman answers the door to find another woman there who believes she rented the place as an AirBNB. What starts out as a friendly gesture to stay goes downhill in a big way as time goes on.

Spoilery Synopsis

Zoya finishes praying and then the doorbell rings. A woman comes to the door saying she rented this place on AirBNB. Zoya explains that it’s her mother’s house, who just recently died from cancer, and the strange visitor wants to come inside to sort out the issue. She brings her suitcase in with her. Zoya wants to know where Amelia will be staying, but Amelia stalls with her answer and begins making herself at home…

Brian’s Commentary

There are squatters, and then there’s this.

It all starts off pretty awkward, but it progresses realistically until it gets weird. It’s well shot and well acted, and both characters seem to have some major issues.

We all need friends as accepting as Amelia’s. Very nice!

Kevin’s Commentary

The quiet realism of this is impressive, and it builds nicely. Great script, great actors, and good direction. I thought it was excellent.

2001 Planet of the Apes

• Director: Tim Burton

• Writers: William Broyles Jr., Lawrence Konner, Mark Rosenthal (Based on the novel by Pierre Boulle)

• Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Paul Giamatti, Estella Warren

• Runtime: 120 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In the far distant future of 2029, an astronaut lands on a planet where apes rule, and humans are slave labor. It’s a reboot and reimagining of the 1968 original, with practical makeup and prosthetics. Kind of an interim between the original series of the 60s and 70s and the CGI heavy “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” which started the modern reboot series in 2011. It’s not bad, quite entertaining, but also unnecessary.

Spoilery Synopsis

A normal-looking monkey flies a spaceship and works the controls. Things go badly, but it’s only a simulator. It’s the year 2029, and there’s a huge space station orbiting Saturn. Captain Leo Davidson and a bunch of scientists are out there training apes.

Suddenly, the lights go out. A space storm approaches, and they start getting TV broadcasts from many different time periods. Leo wants to pilot the ship out there because he doesn’t believe the monkeys can handle it, but the commander overrules him.

Pericles the ape pilots his ship into the storm, as instructed. They soon lose his signal. The commander wants to give up, so Leo hops in a pod and launches himself after Pericles. A space disturbance hits both pods, and something strange happens. Leo loses power but soon sees the chronometer going crazy. He does an emergency landing on the strange planet below.

Leo finds himself on a forest planet, in the middle of a bunch of humans that are running from — apes! Many of the humans, including Leo, are captured in nets and beaten. The apes then lead a procession of human prisoners to their city.

They’re taken to a slave trader, Limbo, who’s a hoot. General Thade and his assistant Attar walk through, and it’s clear they’re in charge. Thade’s niece wants one of the human children to play with, and Limbo has no choice but to donate it.

Limbo gets to branding the slaves, but then Ari, a human-friendly ape activist, interrupts. She thinks humans can be taught to live with them as equals. She buys Leo and a blonde woman as house servants. Ari’s father is a senator, and he doesn’t care for humans.

The senator has guests over, including another senator and General Thade. Thade talks about his ailing father. Thade is all for eliminating the entire human population, but there are financial reasons for keeping them around.

Thade’s men find the remains of Leo’s space pod and let him know about it. He then kills the soldiers who know about it.

Meanwhile, Leo knows some tricks and uses them to escape their cages. They run through the town, causing all kinds of mischief. Ari and her bodyguard, Krull, help them, and Thade soon hears about that.

They all make their way to Leo’s crash site, but his ship has sunk. He dives in and retrieves a supply bag. He’s got a radio, but can’t talk to his ship; he can, however, get a direction toward where they are. They run into and take Limbo along as a hostage.

Thade uses the situation to convince the senator to declare martial law, so he can purge the planet of all the humans. He talks to his own sickly father, who explains that this has all happened before, and way back in the past, humans were the masters and apes the slaves. He’s even got proof, an old human-made pistol. He warns Thade not to allow the humans to reach Calima, which has the secret of their origins.

Meanwhile, Ari tells Leo and the others about Calima, where they originally came from, but maybe that’s just a religious fairy tale. Leo’s tracker seems to be pointing in that direction. But first, they have to steal some horses and cross a river while avoiding a whole camp of Attar’s apes.

Leo’s group soon reaches Calima, which is the space station from earlier, but it’s been crashed on the planet for a very long time. There are no survivors present. Turns out, Calima is “Caution: Live Animals.” Yes, these modern apes have all descended from his own experiments in training apes. Leo watches the ship’s logs and finds out what happened.

Apparently, all the humans everywhere have learned about Leo and show up outside. All the apes are not far behind.

Ari turns herself in to Thade, who wants to trade herself for the lives of the humans. He doesn’t buy what she’s selling and sends her back to die with the humans.

Meanwhile, Leo has a plan to defeat the ape army using some trick with the Oberon. As the thousands of ape soldiers charge, the space station’s engines ignite, blowing up many of them.

Thade’s had enough waiting, and they all start the big battle. Attar and Krull face off, old teacher and mean pupil. Attar easily wins. Thade, on the other hand, has eyes only for Leo.

The apes are easily winning, but suddenly, there’s a boom from the sky and another space pod lands. Turns out, it’s Pericles, who is a much better pilot than Leo ever was. The apes think he’s the second coming of Cemos, and all bow down.

Thade isn’t giving up so easily. He chases Leo and Pericles into the ship and there’s another fight. Pericles brought a blaster, and the ape and the man fight over it. Thade gets the gun, but he’s also trapped in the animal chamber.

Everything starts to settle down, and Leo finds that Pericles’s pod can still be used. He wants to use it to go home. He blasts off and soon finds that same space-storm. He retraces his steps and soon sees Earth. He comes in over Washington DC and picks up radio transmissions. He crashes into the Lincoln Memorial, which doesn’t feature Lincoln: It’s Thade instead. Police show up, and they’re all apes as well.

What?

Brian’s Commentary

It’s probably easiest to compare this to the 1968 original. This is much faster-paced, with Leo in Ape City in the first twenty minutes. Then again, since everyone knows how the story goes they can dispense with the suspenseful reveal.

At one point, we see two planets or moons in the sky, so this isn’t our Earth. They obviously had plans for sequels, but the movie flopped, so that never happened.

This time around, the humans can speak, which kinda limits how “special” Leo is compared to the others. Unlike the newer Ape series, the characters here are all done with practical effects, more like the original series, but it’s clear that the makeup and prosthetics have gotten much better.

It all looks really good, but the story is just too neat and tidy; everything wraps up too cleanly except for the twist in the final scene. I didn’t hate it, but this is one of those films that doesn’t really improve on the source materials (the films, not the book).

Kevin’s Commentary

We’d better get on the ball if we want a space station like that in the next three years.

So, the space storm wasn’t just messing with time, it was sending them to different dimensions as well.

I do like the practical effects way better than the CGI motion capture of the modern reboot series that started in 2011. Though I can see why the actors would prefer the CGI. That’s a lot of hours getting it on and off every day, and a lot of hours in it all day.

I thought this was pretty good, and I know it gets a lot of hate. It’s not deserved. Not a perfect movie, but it’s entertaining.

1997 Lost Highway

• Director: David Lynch

• Writers: David Lynch, Barry Gifford

• Stars: Bill Pullman, Patricia Arquette, Balthazar Getty, Robert Blake

• Runtime: 2 Hours, 14 Minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The IMDB.com listing for this movie summarizes it perfectly: “Anonymous videotapes presage a musician’s murder conviction, and a gangster’s girlfriend leads a mechanic astray.” There’s other things that happen too, but that’s the gist. It’s a David Lynch film, so every shot and every character seems a little off or unsettling or unusual. It’s a strange and quiet movie that unfolds at a relaxed pace for the most part. Some might call it boring. Some might think it could be trimmed down by a lot.

Spoilery Synopsis

Credits roll as we drive along… a lost highway.

We cut to Fred Madison, who’s annoyed by the doorbell. “Dick Laurent is dead” says the voice on the intercom. Renee comes in, and they talk before he goes to work; she says she’ll stay home and read a book. He’s a saxophone player in a loud bar (he’s horrible, by the way). He calls her later, and she’s not at home reading a book. Still, when he gets home, she’s there asleep. Maybe he’s just suspicious over nothing.

In the morning, Renee finds an unlabeled videotape waiting for her outside. Fred puts it in the player, and it’s their house. “Must be from a real estate agent,” she quips. Then they have sex for a long time, and Fred… fails. He tells her about the dream he had last night. She was in bed with him, but her face looked like Robert Blake for some reason.

The next morning, there’s another videotape. This time, it’s their house from the outside and on the inside. It also shows them sleeping in their bed. The police detectives show up and look the place over, but they don’t find anything.

At Andy’s houseparty not long after, Fred sees that same weird man. “We’ve met before, haven’t we? At your house? As a matter of fact, I’m there right now, at your house.” Fred calls home and the man, who is standing right in front of him, answers. It’s a weird conversation. When they get home, no one is there.

Fred finds another videotape. This one shows Fred murdering Renee. Did he really do that? The police think he did, and he goes to prison for it– on death row. The prison doctor gives him something to make him sleep, but he has headaches that won’t go away. He gets another vision of the mystery man and some even stranger things.

The warden and the guard look into Fred’s cell, but that’s some other guy in there now. How did that happen? This guy is Peter Dayton, not Fred at all. They release Peter to his family, since he’s not even supposed to be in prison at all.

Peter goes out with friends, but he’s changed. He doesn’t really know what happened to him. He goes back to work, fixing cars for Arnie. Mr. Eddy, a gangster, comes in, and he’s a good friend to Pete. They go for a drive and a tail-gater messes with the wrong car. Let’s just say Mr. Eddie is a stickler for safety rules.

Pete and his girlfriend, Sheila, make out in the car that night, with the police watching from their tail-car.

The next day, at the auto shop, Pete gets a headache when he hears saxophone music on the radio. Mr. Eddy comes in again and leaves his car. He notices Eddy’s new girl in the passenger seat, and she looks just like Renee, but she’s not. She comes by later that evening to talk to Pete, alone; she’s Alice.

Pete’s parents saw everything that happened the night Pete went missing. There was a strange man involved. Not long after, Eddy warns Pete about staying away from Alice. Alicec, on the other hand, wants to run away with Pete. She talks to him about doing pornos for Mr. Eddy. She’s got a whole plan laid out for leaving town with the help of Andy.

Mr. Eddy calls Pete on the phone. Mr Eddy puts the Mystery Man on the phone. “We’ve met before, haven’t we? At your house.” Yeah, he knows about Alice, and that’s not good for Pete.

Pete goes to the rendezvous spot to meet Alice at Andy’s house. He sees a porno movie playing on a big screen, and it’s Alice in the movie. Pete attacks Anyd, who dies in the fight, albeit accidentally. Pete sees a photo of Alice and Renee together, along with Andy and Eddy.

Pete’s head goes all wonky, and he goes up to the bathroom, bleeding heavily. The two drive out to the desert to meet her fence, who will pay them to leave the country. As they wait, they have more sex. When they’re done, Pete is gone and Fred is there taking his place. The Mystery Man is there as well.

Fred gets freaked out by the strange man and drives off alone, to the Lost Highway Hotel, where Renee is having sex with Eddy. Fred takes Eddy, at gunpoint, out into the desert and kills him.

At Andy’s house, the detectives look at the photo, and only Renee, Andy, and Eddy are in it. Fred then goes to his house, rings the bell, and says “Dick Laurant is dead.” The detectives spot him there and chase him way out into the desert. As he drives, Fred becomes some else…

Brian’s Commentary

You know it’s a weird movie when Gary Busey plays one of the more reasonable characters.

I had only seen this one once before, when it came out, and all I remember was that I didn’t care for it. I’m a huge David Lynch fan, but this was my least favorite of his films. Now I see why: It’s boring as hell; we didn’t get a single laugh until Robert Loggia showed up to give us a driving lesson.

We get a whole bunch of stuff with Bill Pullman, and then he disappears for the majority of the movie. Then we get Balthazar Getty for a chunk of the film with no explanation for the shift.

I don’t get it. It probably needs three or four more viewings before I do, just like “Mulholland Drive” did.

Kevin’s Commentary

I’d forgotten how many recognizable faces are in it in supporting roles.

I too had only seen this once before and didn’t care for it too much. It’s Lynch, so the cinematography is amazing and the script is weird. There are some solidly entertaining moments. And I liked it better this time. But it also felt too long and drawn out. I’d trim it back half an hour or so.

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The Prophecy (1995)

• Directed by Gregory Widen

• Written by Gregory Widen

• Stars Christopher Walken, Elias Koteas, Virginia Madsen, Eric Stoltz, Viggo Mortenson

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 38 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s an interesting take on ideas of creation and good versus evil. It’s helped a lot by a strong cast, with Christopher Walken being an especially bright spot with what he brings to the movie. It’s a little slow at the beginning but builds well. We’d give it a thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

Simon says that he remembers the first war, Hell was created and many angels died. Lucifer fell and it was all terrible. He never thought there would be another war… Credits roll.

We cut to a big church in the middle of a ritual to ordain new priests. Thomas Dagget watches the process, but when it’s his turn to be ordained, he has a weird vision and screams. Years later, Thomas is now a police detective; “Heaven showed me too much.”

Simon is perched unnaturally on a chair. Simon pulls out Thomas’s thesis; he wrote about angels. He smells something and then stops a demon who breaks through the window. He pokes out the demon’s eyes and then throws the demon out the window, and Thomas comes to investigate. The only lead is a newspaper from Chimney Rock.

In Chimney Rock, it’s a funeral for an old man who died at age 85. Simon is there, clearly injured from his battle. He opens the old corpse’s mouth and kisses him.

The coroner tells Thomas that the dead man never had eyes, and he’s very weird overall with both male and female sex organs. He was carrying an old handwritten Bible with an extra book at the end about a second war in Heaven.

Gabriel checks out the room where Simon and the demon fought. He smells things. He talks to Jerry, who looks post-suicidal. He wants Jerry to steal stuff from the police station evidence room.

Mary is playing hide and seek and finds Simon. Katherine, her teacher, comes looking for her and has a conversation with Simon, who’s hiding upstairs. He gives Mary something, and she gets sick. Katherine drives Mary home to the reservation.

Thomas translates the new book and it predicts a new war of the angels and demons, that hasn’t happened yet. The weird corpse in the morgue is Usiel, an angel. Meanwhile, Gabriel finds the body in the morgue and burns it. Jerry recovers all Usiel’s things, but the Bible isn’t there. The two of them set off for Chimney Rock. Gabriel calls Jerry a “talking monkey,” his name for humans. They dig up the body of the old man Simon already met. The soul that Gabriel wants is gone from the man now.

Gabriel tracks down Simon; he wants that soul. He does not want to be replaced by talking monkeys. Gabriel sets Simon on fire, demanding to know where the soul is.

Katherine comes to school and the police are there, looking at what’s left of Simon. Meanwhile, Mary, a Native American, is acting sick, so her people pray over her.

Thomas arrives at the cemetery where the old man is being buried a second time. The gravedigger tells Thomas about Simon’s body being found. He talks to Katherine, who mentions Mary and her strange illness. Thomas researches the old Colonel, who was accused of doing human sacrifices during the war; there’s even a film. The old man even left behind a box full of faces. He was a special kind of evil, which makes his soul a weapon that Gabriel wants.

Thomas goes to the church and Gabriel finds him there. He’s weird but doesn’t really do anything. Mary dreams about the old Colonel. Gabriel visits the school and looks inside the children’s mouths for the soul.

Thomas and Katherine visit Mary; she’s got the old Colonel’s soul inside her. Thomas knows that the angels want that dead, psychotic Colonel. She tells him about Gabriel. Katherine takes Thomas to the old shut-down copper mine; she thinks Gabriel is in there. They see thousands of angels, impaled on spikes.

Thomas and Katherine go to Mary’s house and find Gabriel there. Jerry attacks Thomas while Katherine tries to distract Gabriel. Katherine shoots the propane tank and blows up the house, which clobbers Gabriel. But Mary says that to really kill Gabriel, they need to cut his heart out.

The good guys take Mary to the Indian village to have a magic procedure done. Mary tells Thomas that this place is defensible; “One man could hold off an entire battalion.”

Since Jerry’s dead for real now, he needs a new servant. He goes to the hospital and resurrects Rachael, who committed suicide.

Katherine gets a very special visit from Lucifer himself. He explains the angels’ motivations and purposes. The Colonel was the “blackest soul” on Earth, and Gabriel wants it to help him win. Lucifer is actually here to stop Gabriel. He makes her an offer.

Gabriel and Rachael visit a local diner, and Rachael isn’t appreciating still being alive. Lucifer visits Thomas next and gives him some tips.

Night falls, and Gabriel approaches the place where the Native Americans are doing their songs. Thomas has set up boobytraps for Gabriel. There’s a bit of a battle, and Lucifer ends up confronting and killing Gabriel. Meanwhile, the ritual completes and Mary coughs up the Colonel’s soul which is destroyed by light from Heaven.

Lucifer wants Katherine and Thomas to go home with him, but they refuse. He leaves them unharmed.

Brian’s Commentary

I saw this when it came out and remembered this being more interesting than it was. About all I remembered from the original watch was the way the angels perched up above everything like birds; it’s still a neat touch. It’s very slow for the first hour, but the intensity of the last half hour is worth the wait.

What really makes this movie is the casting. How did they get all these big-name people involved? It holds up pretty well; there are some subtle special effects, but they all mostly still work. It’s good!

Kevin’s Commentary

The cast really does help this one a lot, elevating the movie quite a bit. I also saw this when it came out, and this was my second viewing thirty years later. How time flies. I thought it held up well enough to entertain me overall.

The Prophecy II (1998)

• Directed by Greg Spence

• Written by Gregory Widen, Matt Greenberg, Greg Spence

• Stars Christopher Walken, Russell Wong, Jennifer Beals, Brittany Murphy, Eric Roberts

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 27 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one was a little bit of a step down from the first one, but not too much. There are some new characters, and a couple of actors are replaced, but Christopher Walken is still here doing his thing, with a little more dark humor to liven things up. It’s a worthy sequel.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear a voiceover from a man who has had visions of the end of Heaven and Earth as credits roll.

Valerie Rosales is a nurse, and we open on her drive to work through the downtown area of the city– until someone falls onto her car. Meanwhile, at a monastery, there’s a bunch of screaming from one of the monks, Thomas Daggett, from the first movie.

Lucifer walks in a dark alley and says it’s time for Thomas to go. He kisses the ground, which then breaks open and releases someone from Hell. We soon see that it’s Gabriel, and he goes straight to Thomas. He burns up Thomas and the whole apartment.

Valerie talks to the man she hit with her car; he’s Danyael, and says he’s harder to kill than that. He’s being released, so they have a talk about her work and her lack of a husband. Naturally, they end up having sex a few moments later. This results in her getting visions of angels.

Later, Danyael reports to his boss, who asks, “Is it done?” They are soon attacked by two opposing demons. They both beat the invaders, but Gabriel comes sniffing around afterward. He kills Danyael’s boss, Rafael.

Valerie wakes up with a headache and her belly hurts. She gets a test, and sure enough, she’s pregnant, and it’s only been two days. The doctor says, no, she’s in the second trimester.

We cut to Izzy and Julian, two whiny teens who are about to complete a suicide pact… as Gabriel watches. He swoops in afterward to revive Izzy; he needs a new servant.

Valerie gets a call from the police; Danyael killed one of the demons, and they have the body. Joseph, the coroner from the first film, has seen this before, four years ago. He tells Valerie his experiences. A bit later, Gabriel burns that body as well.

Valerie goes to see Father William about Thomas, and the old priest tells her what Thomas told him. He talks about a Nephilim, a child of angels and humans.

She goes home and finds Gabriel there, waiting for her. Danyael breaks in and interrupts Gabriel before he can kill her. Danyael ends up taking her to a nearby church and tells her how important she is; she’s going to have a Nephilim. She doesn’t believe him, so he shows her his true form. He wants to take her to Michael for protection.

Gabriel takes a radio and a gun from a policeman, and Izzy shoots herself with it, to no effect. He hears a report about a break in at a nearby church and goes right there; that’s where Valerie is. Danyael arrives just in time to rescue her, but he drops Father William’s book.

Gabriel soon wakes up in the morgue and walks right out with Izzy. Meanwhile, Danyael takes Valerie to Eden, or what’s left of it to see Michael. They talk briefly, but then Gabriel comes to the gate, also wanting to talk to Michael. Michael… lets him inside.

Danyael attacks Gabriel, one on one, as Izzy goes after Valerie. This goes badly for Danyael and Izzy. Gabriel closes in on Valerie, but she fights back. She grabs onto him and jumps off the roof. Gabriel gets impaled pretty seriously, and then Michael finishes him off. He turns Gabriel into a human and leaves him there.

Michael talks to Valerie after. She knows he’s going to come and take her son away someday. Five years later, Valerie sends her son to school on the bus, which passes a homeless guy on the street; it’s Gabriel, begging for coffee. “Everything’s gonna be made right soon.”

Brian’s Commentary

They still had a pretty decent cast, even though they did end up replacing both Thomas and Lucifer from the first film. Christopher Walken returns, and he leans more into his comedic talents here, with some great lines in a film that’s otherwise very serious.

It’s got the benefit of not having to explain everything, since that’s already been covered. This feels like a logical progression, and also leads into it possibly becoming a series.

It’s pretty good, not far off from the first one.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought this was a bit of a step down from the first one, but not too much. Christopher Walken really makes the movie, and I’m glad they went with him again. The story continues pretty well, which I liked. The writing was decent. It’s a thumbs up.

The Prophecy 3: The Ascent (2000)

• Directed by Patrick Lussier

• Written by Gregory Widen, Carl V. Dupre, Joel Soisson

• Stars Christopher Walken, Vincent Spano, Davino Buzzotta

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This continues on from the second movie, years later, with a couple of the kids grown up and Christopher Walken’s Gabriel a little older. And he’s stuck being a human, which is pretty humorous. It’s worth the watch to see the storyline get wrapped up.

Spoilery Synopsis

Credits roll as someone throws a Molotov cocktail into the house of a woman and her young son.

We cut to long haired Gabriel, looky pretty shabby after being turned human at the end of the previous film. He walks into a sermon being given by a street preacher in an abandoned building. Suddenly, a zealot in the audience shoots the preacher about 60 times. Maggie screams and runs to help the dead young man as Gabriel watches in amusement.

The zealot, who is blind, somehow manages to get away and go home. He hears voices in his apartment, “I did what you told me.” The voice wanted more done to the preacher, but the man got pushed away by the stampeding crowd and couldn’t finish the job. Whoever he’s been talking to reveals himself.

Over at the morgue, coroner Joseph looks at the dead body of the preacher. Meanwhile, another angel walks the streets looking weird and creepy. The corpse is Danyael Rosales, the son of Valerie, and Joseph remembers her.

Gabriel talks to a detective, and they get along really well; Gabriel seems very human now. Maggie is there to identify the body.

The new angel is A.Z. Jones, and he makes the guard see that he has an FBI ID, which he doesn’t really. He goes to the morgue, and they let him right in. He walks right past Gabriel, who is on his way out. “I let myself go,” Gabriel quips to Zophael. Zophael is against “The monkeys,” but Gabriel has changed sides. “I like it here; I even learned to drive.”

Meanwhile, down in the morgue, Danyael wakes up. By the time Zophael gets there, he’s gone. Maggie is very skeptical that someone gets up from the morgue and walks away. Danyael runs into Gabriel in the alley. Coroner Joseph has a research montage as he learns about Nephilim and the second war and Pyriel.

Danyael is having flashbacks to being dead on a pile of corpses. He goes to the apartment of the man who shot him, and the man is dead. Zophael comes in, so Danyael leaves in a hurry.

Zophael catches Danyael, and they fight. Zophael’s about to kill Danyael when Gabriel shows up in a car and smashes the evil angel.

Somehow, Maggie finds Danyael. She spots Zophael and calls 911. Zophael tells Danyael about Pyriel, “The Next God” and then kidnaps Maggie to drive him around town. He explains his side of the story to her.

Gabriel runs into Danyael again, and this time, he explains things. Danyael rides out to the desert and finds Mary, from the first film, who has also grown up.

Zophael chases Danyael, and he injures Maggie to lure Danyael in closer. Danyael finally beats and kills the bad angel. Gabriel gives Danyael one more pep talk before comforting Maggie as she dies.

Danyael finds the skeleton of an angel in the desert, and as he approaches, it reforms itself into Pyriel. Pyriel wants to wipe out all humans and start over. They argue until Pyriel is struck by Holy lightning and Danyael pulls out his heart.

Danyael comes back to Gabriel, who is now an angel once again. He waves his hand and Maggie wakes up.

Brian’s Commentary

The previous film led right into this one, although it takes place several years later, as young Danyael has grown up and Gabriel has aged a bit by this time. Gabriel has “gone native” and is actually on the side of the humans now, which makes him twice as funny.

A lot of screen time is Zophael wandering around with this long hair and longer coat talking cryptically and stomping around like a GQ Terminator. Probably half the movie is devoted to one character chasing another.

Although there were two more films in the series, this is the end of the main storyline. What comes later… are poor imitations.

Kevin’s Commentary

Thank goodness for Christopher Walken who really saves this one. The story continues, and it’s okay, but there’s a lot of filler time with people wandering around and chasing each other. I liked that they had the same baffled coroner dealing with this weirdness through all three. I found it watchable, and it wraps things up. Yet there are two more sequels…

The Prophecy: Forsaken (2005)

• Directed by Joel Soisson

• Written by Gregory Widen, John Sullivan, Joel Soisson

• Stars Kari Wuhrer, John Light, Jason Scott Lee, Tony Todd

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 15 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This felt more like a part 2 than a sequel, perhaps something that could have just been combined with the previous film to make a slightly longer one. As it is, this one drags along a bit, taking its time to wrap things up. Tony Todd is always a pleasure to watch, which helps the time pass, and there’s some bright spots. It’s necessary to see for completion, but it’s not great.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with a flashback to Father Constantine and the book in the church basement from the previous film. As before, Allison comes down and finds the book, which leads to a whole mess. Credits roll.

John Reigart appears in front of little Maria and asks her to send a message. She’s immediately run over by a truck, and we see Allison watching from afar. She starts running right past Dylan. Maria gives Allison the message… right after she dies.

Dylan talks to Stark, whom we don’t see. Stark orders Dylan to shoot Allison. Rather than do that, Dylan kills himself. Stark isn’t going to let that stop him, so he brings Dylan back from the dead.

Dylan immediately tracks down Allison and pulls a gun on her. He still has some doubts as to the job and wants her to convince him to let her live. Meanwhile, Stark searches Allison’s apartment and finds a decoy book, just the cover with a bunch of junk stuffed inside. Dylan and Allison end up in a foot chase, being pursued by “Thrones” who work for Stark. He disguises her and douses her with perfume to mask her scent. They look her over carefully, sniff, and even lick her but eventually let her pass.

Reigart explains the “rules” to Allison. There used to be a rule against hired assassins, but Dylan used to be a CIA agent, and he’s been turned, so the rules have changed. She leaves and soon finds that she’s being stalked rather unsubtly. She joins a funeral parade, and the baddies lose her in the crowd. Turns out, it’s little Maria’s funeral! Her death was set up knowing that it would save Allison.

Stark beats up Dylan for disobeying him. Allison has a conversation with Maria’s ghost until Dylan shows up. She thinks he’s on her side, but she also knows that he’s a hitman. He wastes no time in turning her over to the enemy.

Stark says that he’s a Seraphim, and on Allison’s side. He wants the last page of the Lexicon, which will reveal the name of the AntiChrist, whom Stark wants to kill. He doesn’t want the apocalypse to take place. Allison realizes that there’s something special about her since Stark simply cannot kill her.

Allison talks to Reigert again, and he helps her realize what Stark’s motivation is. Reigert does want Armageddon. So by keeping the book from Stark, she’s actually helping Satan himself. Elsewhere, Stark questions Dylan about where Allison tends to hang out, suspecting she’d hide the book somewhere she goes often, just to keep an eye on it.

Some random lunatic stabs Allison in the park. With a little divine assistance, she gets up and kills her attacker. Stark figures out where the book is, and everyone makes a beeline to the place. Allison runs inside and learns the name of the AntiChrist. Stark chases her up to the roof, but she scatters loose pages from the book everywhere, slowing him down.

Stark confronts Allison. He wants to know the name of the child so he can kill it. Dylan staggers in, and he’s looking a lot more dead. He tells her that she’s a Nephilim, but she thinks he’s lying. She’s Simon’s daughter, child of a human and angel. Dylan pulls out his pistol and… shoots Allison everywhere but in the head, knowing it won’t kill her. As she falls off the roof, pages of the book go everywhere.

After a moment, Allison wakes up. Because she is a Nephilim. One little boy picks up one of the book’s pages and sees his name at the end…

Brian’s Commentary

This was filmed simultaneously with the previous film, and they were always intended to be one story. This one, however, is very short, even ignoring the “filler” scenes. Whereas the previous film was entertaining, even having ignored the first three films, this one feels unnecessary, like they were really scraping for a story.

It’s not very good.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was a wrap up, but not a very good one. It was kind of a money grab I guess. Since this and part 4 were filmed at the same time, they really could and should have kept it as one slightly longer movie. I’d recommend it for completion, but it’s kind of a drag. At least it’s short.

The Prophecy: Uprising (2005)

• Directed by Joel Soisson

• Written by Gregory Widen, John Sullivan, Joel Soisson

• Stars John Light, Sean Pertwee, Kari Wuhrer, Doug Bradley

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

• Trailer: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8hqv21

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was a bit of a reset of the story, without Christopher Walken this time around. It’s more of the angels battling with humanity stuck in the middle. It’s a step down from the first three, but it’s not too bad. The setting in Romania helps the atmosphere, and Doug Bradley adds some extra life to it. It was fairly entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch old footage of an unnamed tyrant in Europe. Twenty-five years later, the country is a mess. A man starts running from something. He’s in a panic and even gets hit by a car, but he doesn’t stop, making his way to a big old church.

The man chasing him goes through the scared man’s pants; he’s Dani, a cop. Serban is the running man, a drug dealer.

We cut to a church, where Dani makes eye contact with Allison. Allison helps out the old priest there. Father Constantine goes into a hidden area of the basement with a pickaxe and opens one of the tombs. He finds an ancient book inside. He reads it in Romanian, and new words appear on the page. He has a massive heart attack and dies.

Dani goes outside and meets John Reigert from Interpol. Dani tells him to get lost and tries to leave, but then his car won’t get going, which is awkward when John walks up and gets into the passenger seat. They get a call that a man has jumped from the roof of a church; it’s Serban. It looks like his heart has been removed. John says the heart was removed before he fell.

They meet two local cops who introduce themselves as Laurel and Hardy. There’s a message written on the wall, “Welcome Dani Simionescu.”

Clara, a waitress, walks through the park and sees dogs attacking a woman on the ground; she runs the dogs off. Something from the woman on the ground possesses Clara and she walks off– straight to that same old church. She goes down into the basement, where she talks to a glowing entity, Simon, who calls her Belial. Simon says that the book is gone.

Allison has the book after finding dead Father Constantine with it, and Simon warns her that Belial is coming for it. “He is going to rip you apart.”

Reigert has Dani drop him off at home, but when Dani goes around the corner to follow, Reigert has vanished. The next day, the two get called to the woman who was killed by the dogs; her heart is gone too.

Carla/Belial goes to the morgue to see Father Constantine. She rubs his eyeball to see what happened when he died. The undertaker comes in, and she transfers Belial into him. Florian then tears her heart out.

Dani starts to do research on the case, and gets an online response from the coroner Joseph from the previous films. He warns that angels are involved; “All angels are terrifying.” They go to an old house that used to be the headquarters for the old Communist Secret Police. They go into the basement and Dani gets a vision of the tortures that used to go on here. He watches his own parents murdered by the Communists. Reigert says the killer was a man named Treptow. Reigert continues and reveals that Dani had a sister who was taken away: Allison.

Allison goes to talk to Ion, a priest, and shows him the book. He gets a nosebleed as he explains that Revelation is not just the last chapter of the Bible, but it’s incomplete, waiting for God to write the ending. He goes to the restroom, and it goes badly for him. Inside her head, Simon warns her that Belial is approaching once again. She doesn’t know it, but Belial is now inside Ion.

Reigert wants Dani to meet his sister and explains that she’s at the heart of a prophecy. Laurel calls, and he’s done facial recognition on Reigert, and he dates all the way back to the seventies. Reigert admits that he’s an angel and gives a brief overview of the war in Heaven. The book that Allison has is capable of ending the world.

Reigert demonstrates to Dani that he’s not necessarily a “good guy.” Laurel and Hardy come in and they all discuss Reigert. They have Ion in custody, and he has a staring contest with Reigert. Ion/Belial has a seizure. Something nasty comes out of his mouth and goes into Laurel, who walks out the front door– after killing Hardy.

Allison calls another priest friend and gets the scoop on who Belial is. Dani explains that Laurel is going to try to kill Allison before she gets to the old government house. There’s a brief chase, and everyone ends up at the old torture asylum.

Allison goes inside, and she also gets visions of what used to go on there. Treptow was behind it all, killing his own people and then himself. Dani, Reigert, and Belial come in, separately, Belial talks, and it seems that he and Reigert were once on the same side; Reigert is the devil himself. They all argue over who gets the book.

Dani points his gun at Belial, who promises to possess him next. Dani says he’ll kill himself if that happens. Dani shoots him, but Belial takes him over as promised. Allison then shoots Dani. Belial then goes into Reigert, who just sort of absorbs him and walks away says that Belial is where he belongs now, with him.

Allison goes outside and talks to Reigert. He says it’s over for now, but there are more out there.

Brian’s Commentary

Romania was a very inexpensive place to make movies, and there were a lot of them filmed here around this time period. “Hellraiser VII: Deader” (2005) even had the same stars. Still, it’s a very alien and exotic place, and it adds a lot to an otherwise fairly bland story. This was filmed simultaneously with the following film, “The Prophecy: Forsaken” (2005).

This one doesn’t have Christopher Walken, but it’s still got good points. Still, it’s definitely a step down from the predecessors. We get a flash of what’s to come… in the next film.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was bracing myself for a boring abomination of a sequel dragging the story on beyond where it should have ended in the third movie, and I was pleasantly surprised. While it’s not a terrific film, I thought it was quite good and it entertained me. If you enjoyed the first three, I’d recommend carrying on with this one.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Hokum

• Directed by: Damian McCarthy

• Written by: Damian McCarthy

• Stars: Adam Scott, Peter Coonan, David Wilmot

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 47 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

An American writer visits Ireland to scatter his parent’s ashes and do some writing. But there might be ghosts and witchery afoot, and his trip gets more complicated than he expected. Adam Scott does a good job in a dramatic role, and the whole thing is well put together. The script is excellent, and we both thought it was very entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man in armor wanders across the desert and consults a map. He soon runs out of water but sees a big circle in the sand.

We cut back to a man writing a story about the conquistador in the desert. “They were doomed,” says the story. The writer, Ohm Bauman, gets distracted by someone in his house. A ghost? He considers shooting himself, but decides to go to Ireland instead (is that better?). Credits roll.

Ohm soon arrives at the remote hotel in the woods. A man inside tells the story of a witch to two terrified children. Ohm arrives, and he’s already pretty judgmental of the locals. The old man is the owner of the hotel, and Ohm makes an impression on everyone.

Ohm has a photo of his mother standing next to a big redwood tree, and he tracks down the tree. He pours out his parents’ ashes on the tree. An old man, Jerry, watches and offers him a drink of moonshine. He’s also got some psilocybin-laced milk. They talk about the local goats which have a tendency to climb on cars and mess up the paint.

Fiona, one of the staff, talks about the honeymoon suite, which is supposed to be haunted. The owner, old man Cobb, has locked a witch inside, or so they say. He tells Fiona about his mother, who was shot in the face by someone too young to prosecute. Alby, the bellboy, also believes the story. Ohm says it’s all “Hokum” and gets snarky with the man. Not long after, Fiona finds Ohm hanging from the ceiling, apparently dead from suicide.

Ohm wakes up in an elevator, in black-and-white land. He later wakes up for real in the hospital, after having a vision of his dead mother. When he recovers, he goes back to the hotel, which is about to close for the season. He learns that Fiona has gone missing since his incident– but she’s not the first. Old Jerry, the man with the milk, has also gone missing under suspicious circumstances. Ohm wonders if she might have gotten into the Honeymoon Suite.

On the way out of town, Ohm runs into Jerry in the woods. Jerry admits he killed his sick wife, but he had nothing to do with Fiona’s disappearance. He’s seen her ghost, and he has the key to the suite. The plan is for Jerry to go back after the hotel is closed and empty, but now he invites Ohm to go with him.

The two soon arrive at the hotel, now closed for the season, and go inside. Turns out, Fergal, the manager, is still there and he chokes out Jerry and ties him up. Fergal takes Jerry and drives away.

Ohm, on the other hand, hears the bell ringing for the honeymoon suite. It’s been neglected for a long time. He goes to sleep and dreams about how he shot his own mother. Mal comes in and wakes him up. Mal insists that there’s nothing in the creepy basement elevator shaft. When ohm finds what’s left of Fiona, Mal locks him inside the suite.

We get a flashback to Halloween night and what actually happened to Fiona. Mal drugged her and took her to the honeymoon suite, where he put her in the dumb waiter and left her. She left a recording explaining that she was pregnant by Mal, who wasn’t happy.

Elsewhere, Jerry escapes from Fergal and jumps out of the van.

After trying to get out of the suite, Ohm notices that Fiona’s body is gone. He then watches the best children’s TV show ever. He then figures out how to take the dumb waiter down to the basement. After a quick look around, he finds that he’s trapped down there as well. He sees someone else down there just as the dumb waiter returns him to the suite.

The witch follows him right upstairs, and, as she closes in, he remembers what he’s been told about chalk circles and uses it.

In the morning, Mal returns and finds Jerry trying to get into the honeymoon suite. Mal explains how he drove Ohm to the airport last night. Ohm rings the bell, and Jerry knows he’s there. Jerry heads up to the honeymoon suite to free Ohm while Mal sets up a fire to start before heading to the honeymoon suite himself with his crossbow. He kills Jerry and intends to lock Ohm in again but also gets locked in himself.

Ohm goes back down to the basement, taking the key with him. Mak gets ready to follow him. The witch makes another appearance, but this time, Ohm knows how to protect himself and starts to draw a chalk circle, but the witch is right behind him and grabs him before he can complete it. Mal comes down and finds the key among the witch’s souvenirs, and she gets him too. Ohm talks to the ghost of his mother and makes peace with her. Ohm gets out; Mal does not.

Ohm goes down to the main floor in the elevator and finds the whole place ablaze. He passes out, but Fergal comes in and finds him.

Some time later, Ohm works on his book in the hospital when Alby comes for a visit. He explains that they found Fiona and Jerry’s bodies, but not Mal’s. Alby admits he spikes Ohm’s whisky with Jerry’s mushroom milk. Was anything he experienced real?

He finishes his book, this time giving it the happy ending that Fiona wanted.

Brian’s Commentary

There’s gotta be a better way to break a glass bottle. What was with the goats? The business with Ohm’s mother’s death seems a little tacked on, and I didn’t have much to do with the main plot.

It’s a really well-done haunted house story mixed with a murder mystery, and most of it makes sense.

Overall, I liked it.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was strange seeing Adam Scott in such a grim and serious role after seeing him in so much comedy, but he does a really good job with it. He’s been in other horror films, such as “Krampus” and “The Monkey,” but those had a thread of humor. This movie does not.

I liked the script. The elements of bad people doing bad things in tandem with supernatural forces.

It was a winner!

2025 Exit 8

• Directed by: Genki Kawamura

• Written by: Kotake Create, Kentaro Hirase, Genki Kawamura

• Stars: Kazunari Ninomiya, Yamato Kochi, Naru Asanuma

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 35 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A man becomes trapped in an endless subway station and has to complete a mission to escape. Kind of like a video game, which this movie is based on. We are both in agreement that it’s a cool idea and very well made. We are split opinion though, with Brian finding it too repetitious, and Kevin finding it just about right.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man scrolls through his phone on a crowded train. A businessman yells at a crying baby, which is sure to help. It’s all pretty unpleasant, so he cranks up the music in his earbuds. The man’s girlfriend calls and asks where he is. She’s pregnant and wants him to come to the hospital. Our guy starts coughing uncontrollably and uses his inhaler.

He’s in the subway tunnels, so his cell signal isn’t very good. He approaches Exit 8, the way out. Suddenly, he’s alone; all the people are gone. He passes one man walking– twice. Did he just walk in a circle? No, he’s very clearly not going in a circle, and then he passes that man again. About the fifth time passing, the strange man stops and smiles maniacally. It soon becomes clear that something weird is going on.

The Lost Man

The Lost Man notices a poster for an “Escher exhibition,” with one of those famous impossible loops on it. Suddenly, the poster drips blood. He finds a sign about finding anomalies and turning back. “Do not overlook any anomalies.”

The man starts taking photos of everything to compare for anomalies, but the photos in the phone get corrupted. The smiling man, however, clearly isn’t normal. He passes the sign for Exit 1 and then Exit 2, so he must be doing it right. He passes the photo booth and lockers we’ve seen before, but this time, he hears a baby crying inside one of the lockers. No– all the lockers have babies, which could indicate an anomaly.

He spots the eyes of people in posters following him, and then makes it to Exit 4 and then 5. Progress! His girlfriend calls again, wanting to know where he is. He tells her he can’t get out, walking in circles, and she laughs at him. She can’t decide what to do about the baby, after all, the two broke up not long ago. He doesn’t see her right there in the tunnel with him, and he’s now back at Exit 0, needing to start all over again. He finds a little boy in the tunnel, but he might not be an anomaly.

The Walking Man

We cut to the Walking Man’s point of view, and he’s lost as well. He’s made it up to Exit 4. He also counts the posters, lockers, and photo booth. He, however, passes a girl in the hallway and walks with the little boy. The girl asks to join them on their search for the way out. She wonders if they’re dead and in Hell. She gets creepy fast, He turns back and hits Exit 6. He misses a weird doorknob and goes back to zero.

No– he sees the stairway to Exit 8 and runs to it. The little boy with him refuses to go up there. The man runs up the stairs, and the little boy goes back into the maze. He then runs into the Lost Man, and we’ve seen this part before.

The Boy

The boy follows the lost man through the maze of tunnels. This time the man notices the odd doorknob and turns back. Then he sees some real horror weirdness and freaks out. The boy sees his mother, but it’s also the Lost Man’s pregnant girlfriend.

They’ve made it up to 5 and this time one of the side doors is open. They look inside and the lost man sees himself in the distance from earlier when he was riding the subway listening to music. That’s an obvious anomaly, so they turn back and they’ve made it to 6.

Suddenly, the Silent Hill siren goes off. The tunnel violently fills with water. And then the lost man is on the beach with his girl and the boy, who is their boy. She talks about deciding the right thing to do. Then he and the boy are back in the tunnel, and the lost man saves him by putting him up on top of the ceiling sign before he is swept away himself. The boy wakes on the floor in the corridor now filled with what looks like the aftermath of a tidal wave. He goes back, and he has made it to 7. He goes forward through his 8th, and the lost man comes through a moment later for his 8th pass - no anomalies. And he comes to the stairs down for exit 8.

Eventually, he finds the exit, and he’s back in the normal subway. He buys a water from the vending machine, puts his earbuds back in, and calls his girlfriend. She’s still at the hospital and asks “What are we going to do?” He gets on the train, and we see the same routine as in the opening sequence with the man screaming at the baby. Our guy, who was ashamed at not intervening the first time, still does nothing– or does he? Will it all be different this time?

Brian’s Commentary

This one is all about paying attention to the visual cues and trying to find the anomalies before the characters do. But oh boy, did that middle section drag and drag and drag.

It was a very cool concept, and it was very well produced, but it was a bit too repetitive, which, unfortunately, was the entire point of the film.

Kevin’s Commentary

Some of the anomalies are obvious and some are pretty subtle. If the maze really wanted to be a jerk about it, something super subtle like the number of rows of tiles could change.

I thought it was great. I didn’t find it too repetitious like Brian and some reviewers have. I thought it was just about right. It was a good time, and I’d recommend it.

2026 Chum

• Directed by: Jonathan Zuck

• Written by: Dick Grunert, Ryan R Johnson, James Kondelik

• Stars: Alice Eve, Eric Michael Cole, Jim Klock

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 27 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A newlywed couple, and some friends, on a yacht excursion encounter the double whammy of a psycho guy and a psycho shark who make their trip the worst ever. Flaky people doing clumsy things and making bad decisions accelerate the chaos. It’s not the worst shark movie, or the worst CGI, that we’ve seen, but it’s not a great film. It’s stupid, but at least it wasn’t dull and had some entertainment value.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get a very ominous voiceover about a woman going missing in the sea. After that, we cut to a woman swimming in the ocean. We get an underwater view of something under there near her. Chomp– one bite! Her husband jumps in after her, and that goes badly too. Credits roll as we hear about global warming changing predator’s hunting habits.

We open on Tina’s wedding, and her father gives a speech about her and Tom. We soon see that the happy couple doesn’t really like each other very much. The next morning, the groom wakes up out on the beach, with her back in the room. Everyone is happy for the couple– except for the couple.

Tom’s friend Rick rents a boat for the wedding party. Tina hates the ocean, and can’t swim. Tom doesn’t really feel it either. Still, it’s a three-hour tour , and Rick paid a lot for it. They all get on the boat, peer pressure and all. The captain explains that there’s never been a shark attack in these waters, and then they set sail.

Tina admits to her friends that she’s getting an annulment. Tom’s a heavy-duty environmentalist, and she’s a lawyer for the big corporations. This has broken up their romance. Tina’s sister says he’s always been too high-and-mighty for her. During all this, we see a huge fin following the boat. The boat hits “something” and both the anchor and the captain go overboard. He soon comes up, but then a shark bites his leg off.

Through a series of rapid bad decisions, Tina goes overboard, Tom dives in after her, and the boat catches fire. A fishing boat arrives on the scene and pulls Tom and Tina out of the water. The four people on the burning boat swim over to the fishing boat before their boat explodes. The shark finishes off the captain.

The fishing boat captain says there’s a storm coming, so he can’t take them back to their resort. Everyone thinks there’s something “off” with this new guy, Roy. He serves them food, and they’re mostly all condescending toward him. He’ll go south, and says there’s a port there.

Tom and Tina explore their feelings. Roy picks up on it and talks to Tina, giving her a pep talk. Roy says it’ll take a few hours to get them to port, but they stopped seeing the shore a while ago. Suddenly, everyone passes out; Roy drugged them all. “Get some rest. Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.”

When they all wake up, Brittany is tied up in a shark cage as Roy prepares to lower her into the water. He cuts her and drops her in… as bait. The CGI shark rapidly approaches. Roy shoots at the shark when it gets close. Brittany gets out of the cage, and this time, the shark gets her.

Roy explains that he wants revenge on the shark. That was his wife in the opening sequence. He’s been using homeless people as bait, but now he’s got a bunch of stranded tourists.

Suddenly, a police siren approaches, and a tiny little boat with two cops, out looking for their missing boat. When they see Brittany’s arm floating past, the jig is up, and there’s a shootout. Both cops wind up as shark food, and Rick gets shot as well. Tom also gets knocked out and thrown overboard.

Rashinda jumps overboard to swim to the police boat, but Roy runs her over with his boat– the propellers chew her up better than the shark.

Way out in the ocean, Tom wakes up, not drowned or eaten. He starts making his way over to the police boat. He uses their radio to call the police.

Everyone gets untied and fights back all at once. Out of nowhere, the shark leaps up onto the boat and eats Rick. Soon after, Roy lowers Tina into the ocean in the shark cage. The rope holding the cage breaks, and the cage sinks to the bottom and opens right up. Since she can’t swim, she soon drowns. Out of nowhere, Tom shows up in scuba equipment and rescues her. When the shark comes after Tom, Tina grabs a knife, jumps on its back (like a bucking bronco ride that was mentioned earlier) and stabs it repeatedly.

Tom, Tina, and Tina’s sister sneak back onto Roy’s boat and cover him in chum. He gets the drop on them until Tina shoots him with an air tank. “Come on, finish him!” they yell at the shark. The shark does his part. CHOMP! CRUNCH CRUNCH.

Eventually, the boat police show up. We watch Roy’s stripped skull landing next to his wife’s stripped skull at the bottom of the ocean.

On the news, Tina is now talking against the corporations; she’s on Tom’s side now.

Brian’s Commentary

The CGI isn’t atrocious, but it is pretty obvious. The sequence of nonsense that led to the first boat’s demise was so contrived that it’s ridiculous. The growling and bone-crunching noises when the shark eats someone is a nice touch.

It’s very similar to last year’s “Dangerous Animals” only with a larger cast of idiots. Except it’s really, really stupid.

Kevin’s Commentary

Roy said that he’s been tracking this one particular shark because he tagged it. He had tagging stuff along with him on their honeymoon in that opening scene? But that’s the only real point to nitpick in this movie, everything else is spot on.

We like sharks that growl and make bone crunching juicy noises when they attack people.

It wasn’t truly awful all things considered. It’s a really stupid movie, but I’m going to give it a moderate thumbs up.

2026 Iron Lung

• Directed by: Mark Fischbach

• Written by: Mark Fischbach, David Szymanski

• Stars: Mark Fischbach, Caroline Kaplan, Troy Bake

• Run Time: 2 Hours, 5 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In a far future where “The Quiet Rapture” is making stars and space stations and populated planets vanish, a convict is sent to explore a moon covered with a vast ocean of blood in a clunky submarine in the hopes of finding something to help mankind survive.

For it being two hours plus of mostly just a guy in a room, a lot goes on. The acting, story, and effects are great. It’s that two hours plus that we both thought was its only real fault. It’s on the long side.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told about the end of civilization and that they might be able to survive on a planet’s moons. One moon seems special since it has an ocean of blood; maybe there’s life there. We see a man wearing a cloak in what appears to be a submarine. He’s a convict, and this is some kind of redemption mission. “You did test this thing right?” “This is the test,” the radio explains. All they have are surface scans, and they don’t know what they’re going to find under the surface.

He descends to the maximum depth and then stops. The radio cuts out, leaving him on his own. He figures out the camera and finds a map. He figures out how to make the sub move and gets going as credits roll.

He’s not sure, but it looks like there are living creatures swimming around outside his ship. He also hears things out there. Yes, the thing outside is attacking the sub, and he gets knocked all over the place.

He gets on the radio and reports seeing a skeleton on the bottom. The people on the surface get really excited and they bring him back up. He’s welded inside the thing, so they don’t have time to switch him out for another pilot. The captain explains that this is really important and that he really has no choice. They’re changing his deal.

He turns on the camera, which blasts all the people outside with radiation– it’s an x-ray camera since you can’t see through blood, but he didn’t know that because they didn’t tell him. They send him back down. There’s someone new on the radio now; the others had to get radiation treatments.

The prisoner sees someone inside with him, but that might only be a hallucination. He finds a note: “Cross the wires.” When he does, a computer activates, and he learns about a previous mission where the pilot died. He takes more pictures, and that skeleton from earlier is gone now. The captain gets back on the radio and says again that he’s the first one they’ve sent down. They argue over whether or not humanity is done for.

He finds the skeleton again, and this time, they want him to grab a sample. He needs to ram the skeleton with the ship, and it’ll grab a piece of it. They start to bring him back up, but something grabs the ship.

When he wakes up, the power is mostly off, but he finds a light and learns that the sub has a basement level. He finds the dynamo and gets the power back on. He explores a bit, but then there’s a hull breach and he gets blood from outside splattered on himself. Oh, and there’s a fire as well.

Once he gets all that under control, he starts mapping the ocean floor and goes through a cave. He sees more of those big living creatures outside and finds another submarine. Somehow, he makes radio contact with the people on that sub. Ava, on the other ship, says the light was what caused the Quiet Rapture and the end of the universe. They might have some answers as to why that happened.

There’s a lot of talking but then Simon notices the speaker has been unplugged the whole time. Are the aliens talking to him? He gets a weird bloody vision.

The captain calls him back again, and suddenly, the speaker is plugged in again. She says it’s been days and he should have run out of oxygen long again. She says they aren’t going to bring him back up– they just want to observe now. When she learns that he found the missing SM-8 sub, they get really interested. “If you want it, you have to get me out!” She promises to get in another sub and meet him in 30 minutes. It sounds really important– all of humanity will be saved.

Simon returns to the dead sub and starts the process to recover the other ship’s “black box.” He’s running out of oxygen and has a hard time functioning. The voice on the recording says the oceans are actually made of blood– human blood at that. So maybe that’s where everyone has been disappearing to.

As Ava approaches, he hears her, but he also hears the alien voice, and they contradict each other. The crawlspace under the sub is slowly filling with blood, but Simon has to go down there and retrieve his own black box. He ties it to the life preserver he found, but by this point, the entirety of the ship is covered in blood and growing gross things all over. Simon himself starts growing into the ship.

The ship is destroyed. The black box, however, is recovered.

Brian’s Commentary

I was not aware going in that this was based on a video game; I’ve not heard about that one. I’d recommend subtitles for this one, as the voices on the radio are very garbled and often hard to understand.

It’s a really good concept, with good acting from the start, and the set is perfect for the story. It’s just too long though. The last half hour is really hard to understand what’s going on. There’s just too much here that’s not explained (maybe it’s in the videogame?).

The first hour and half is good, but the last part was incomprehensible.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was glad of the subtitles. The radio voices tend to be garbled and Simon mumbles a lot with echoey acoustics in the sub.

I can see how they set the record for most fake blood used in a movie production.

Mark Fischbach is great in the role, the story is good, the setting and effects are very cool. I liked everything about it except the length, I thought it could have been tightened up timewise.

1988 Return of the Living Dead II

• Directed by: Ken Wiederhorn

• Written by: Ken Wiederhorn

• Stars: James Karen, Thom Mathews, Michael Kenworthy

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Once again, a barrel of Trioxin ends up where it shouldn’t be and is opened by a clueless couple of guys. Since it’s right next to a cemetery, hilarity ensues as the living dead return again to terrorize a community. It’s pretty entertaining, but less so than the first one. If you loved the original and wish you could see it almost the same again but not quite as good or funny, this is for you.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told about the army’s experiments with Trioxin, which didn’t work out. It has since all been destroyed— or so they claim. We cut to a truck full of the stuff, driving through the rain. The truck driver is having a much better time than he should, and some canisters fall off the truck into the river.

Some annoying children go to the cemetery to hang out. This leads to a foot chase, and one kid hiding in a storm drain, where the canister is. They open it up, because of course they do, and inside, they see a face. They run and lock Jesse into a mausoleum.

Ed, Joey, and Joey’s girlfriend Brenda arrive at the same cemetery. Ed’s a bit of a graverobber. They open the crypt that little Jesse’s been locked into.

The canister bursts open, and the other two kids breathe in the gas, which quickly spreads throughout the cemetery. It then rains and soaks all the gas into the ground.

Jesse’s sister, Lucy lets in Tom, the cable guy, and Jesse sneaks outside. He goes over to Billy’s house, and Billy is really sick after breathing the gas. Jesse goes back to the canister and finds it empty now. He writes down the army’s phone number from the can and sees the “Tar Man” there. “Brains” yells the monster, and Jesse runs away. He soon spots the dead rising out of their graves. We then get a musical montage of zombies.

Ed and Joey take a break from head hunting to have a sandwich. Brenda gets tired of waiting and comes looking for them. All three of them soon figure out that they’re in trouble. They steal Tom the cable guy’s truck and make a run for it, but Joey’s an awful driver and knocks out the phone lines.

Back at home, Jesse calls the army’s phone number and reports the canister. The colonel comes to the phone just as Jesse loses phone service. Meanwhile, Billy’s dad gets his brain eaten. Everyone piles into Jesse’s house, much to Lucy’s surprise. The head in Ed’s bag starts moving, and now they all know what’s happening. There’s a lot of screaming.

Tom fights one of the dead and accidentally turns on Lucy’s Jazzercise video, which the dead find entertaining.

The group heads to the neighbor’s house for a car, and the doctor lets them use it. There are some automotive hijinks, as Ed fights a disembodied hand. There’s a lot more screaming until the group arrives at the local hospital. The doctor looks at Joey and Ed, but they aren’t looking good. The doctor thinks they’re already dead.

Tom, Lucy, and Jesse drive into town to the police station, but it’s locked up; the zombies are already here. They break into a house and grab some guns.

Brenda loads Joey and Ed into a car and drives off. She runs into the army, which has arrived. Ed and Joey go full zombie and eat Brenda’s brain.

The rest of the cast convenes at the meat packing plant and loads up with animal brains. They then drive through town, leading the dead behind them pied-piper-style. They stop at the electric generator plant and Tom the cable guy rewires the city’s power grid as an electrical trap.

Billy’s been a zombie the whole time, and now he’s with the others, but he’s got an axe to grind with Jesse. Jesse, on the other hand, has a screwdriver and isn’t afraid to use it. Jesse throws the switch, turns the power back on, and fries all the zombies outside.

The army comes in and burns what’s left of the zombies. Tom, Lucy, Jesse, and the Doc all walk off– they’re going to have to explain this all in the morning.

Brian’s Commentary

The original “Return of the Living Dead” (1985) is a huge classic of horror comedies. James Karen, one of the stars of that film, reappears here as Ed, not the same character, and Thom Matthews is back as his sidekick. “It’s almost like we’ve been here before,” Joey jokes at one point.

The dialogue is very 80s, but it works here. The creature effects are really good, with some being makeup and some animatronic.

It’s entertaining, but definitely a step down from the original.

Kevin’s Commentary

Someone thought it would be hilarious to have Thom Matthews and James Karen return as basically the same characters with different names in different jobs, which did help the movie, I think.

The effects are excellent and there are some laughs, but the originality is low. It didn’t do it for me like the first movie did, but it’s okay.

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To offset all that fun, we had to watch 2007's “The Mist” to calm down. “Catnado” and “Wishmaster 2” both had us eager to Do the Time Warp Again.

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #57, for June 2026, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

1975 The Rocky Horror Picture Show

• Directed by: Jim Sherman

• Written by: Richard O’Brien, Jim Sherman

• Stars: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

IMDB.com has a good succinct description. “A rain-soaked couple takes refuge in the castle of a transvestite mad scientist from outer space who is about to unveil his greatest creation.” They neglect to mention that it’s also a musical, and it’s got some songs in it. It was originally a stage musical titled “The Rocky Horror Show” which premiered in 1973 with Tim Curry and the same trio playing the servants and Jonathan Adams (now Dr. Scott) as the Narrator/Criminologist. It’s weird and funny, with very catchy songs. We’d recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

A giant mouth comes on screen and sings about sci-fi movies as credits roll.

We cut to a wedding, as the happy couple leaves with rice and a cheering crowd. We get a quick look at Tim Curry in the background in a second role as the preacher. Plus Richard O’Brien and Patricia Quinn as church custodians (American Gothic custodians, at that!). And is that Nell Campbell as a third custodian?

Best man Brad congratulates the groom, and then his girlfriend Janet catches the bouquet, so he may be next. Brad and Janet talk about their future, which leads Brad to sing to Janet, dammit. He wants to go tell his old teacher about their impending engagement.

But first, we cut to a criminologist who introduces the case of Brad and Janet. He’s going to narrate the story for us.

The young couple’s car breaks down on the road, and they have to walk to the nearby castle for help. They sing on the walk there. A strange hunchback man opens the door and reluctantly invites them in. There’s a party going on, and the two servants lead them to the party, where they all do the Time Warp (again). The criminologist enjoys that a little too much, but it’s more than Janet can handle.

Their host, Dr Frank-N-Furter, makes an appearance, and he’s really something; something Brad and Janet have never seen before, at least. He explains in song how he’s a transvestite from Transexual Transylvania. He invites them up to visit his laboratory upstairs, where he’s got a whole audience awaiting to see his newest project.

Yes, Dr. Frank-N-Furter has a whole Frankenstein setup, and he knows how to use it. Soon, the creature starts to move. He’s Rocky, and he’s here to sing another song. Dr. Frank-N-Furter clearly put some time into assembling this body. Frank is smitten with his creation, and he has to sing about that as well.

Suddenly, a motorcycle breaks through the wall, and Eddie, a biker, breaks through and interrupts with a rock and roll number that has everyone dancing. Frank is not amused that he’s lost control of the event. Eddie was one of Frank’s previous experiments, and he’s lost half his mind to Rocky. Frank grabs a pick and kills him dead, ending the song. Then he sings and dances his way to the honeymoon suite with Rocky.

The party breaks up, and Brad and Janet go to separate rooms, both watched by Riff-Raff and Magenta through the closed-circuit TVs. Frank visits Janet, who protests her innocence, but Frank’s all into that. She doesn’t protest all that much, though. Meanwhile, Riff Raff torments the monster because that’s what Frankenstein’s henchmen do, and Rocky escapes. Frank then visits Brad in the same way as Janet, and it has almost exactly the same result.

Guilt-ridden Janet makes her way to the lab, sees Brad and Frank on the monitor, then finds Rocky hiding there. She sings her feelings to him; she’s got an itch to scratch, and she wants him to touch her, which he does, as Columbia and Magenta watch on the monitor from their room.

Dr Everett Scott arrives at the front door, and he’s Brad’s old high school science teacher— and an expert on UFOs. Frank thinks this is all a conspiracy to spy on his work. Scott says he’s here looking for his nephew, Eddie.

They all stop and have a very awkward dinner. Dr Scott sings about Eddie. Eddie sent him a note begging for a rescue, but it’s too late for that. Frank then makes it clear what happened to Eddie. Janet flees with Frank chasing and singing, and everyone makes their way to the lab again, where Frank petrifies Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott into statues.

All the action stops as Columbia yells at Frank about his behavior. He statues her too and Rocky for good measure. Riff Raff and Magenta argue briefly with Frank and then give each other sneaky looks. They’re up to something.

Meanwhile, Frank has moved all the statues to a stage and releases them one at a time for a burlesque confession dance show. Which morphs into a pool orgy with Frank in the lead. And suddenly they are in a rocking chorus line song and dance. It gets just a little weird at this point.

Riff Raff and Magenta break into the room, and they look different now. They’re definitely aliens, and they’ve revealed themselves. They’ve had enough of Frank’s extremes and are ready to go home to Transylvania, but first, Frank sings to explain himself and rejoice that he’s going home. But when he’s done, Riff Raff admits that only he and Magenta are going home, and he’s got a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure antimatter. Columbia is killed. And Frank tries to climb the curtain to get away unsuccessfully. Rocky freaks out at Frank’s death, but Riff Raff’s beam doesn’t work on him with just one shot. He finally dies when he falls from the RKO radio tower that he tried climbing with Frank’s body.

As Janet, Brad, and Scott leave, the whole castle blasts off into space. The criminologist comes back to the scene and concludes the story. One final song plays over the closing credits, as well as an instrumental reprise of The Time Warp.

Brian’s Commentary

Most of the cast were pretty inexperienced at screen acting, but all of them went on to long careers (most are still alive fifty years later). This is all pretty tame by today’s standards, but this was way out there in ‘75.

The main thing here is, of course, the very catchy songs, and the soundtrack is one of the best ever.

This was actually only my second time watching it. I don’t know that I’d want to watch it every weekend, as some do, but it’s pretty darned good.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was, and still is to a lesser degree, a thing to go see the movie at the theater, preferably at Midnight, and participate with lines echoing and mocking the dialogue, use props (such as throwing rice during the wedding), interact with the screen, dance to the Time Warp, and there would often be a cast of fans (known as The Floor Show) acting out the movie in sync down in front and in the aisles - often in costume and makeup.

In the late 1980s, I saw this 150 some times at midnight showings. I even played Frank-N-Furter, Janet, and the Criminologist a few times in The Floor Show when they were short on people and needed bodies. And of course, I joined in dancing the Time Warp every time.

It took a lot of self-control watching this with Brian and not bombing him with the audience participation lines.

I’ve also seen several productions done on stage, and they don’t always get the element of Frank being both trans and someone who could kick serious ass if he wanted to, which Tim Curry does have in the movie version.

I watch this through a filter of nostalgia, and I still find it really entertaining and fun.

2026 Strange Journey: The Story of Rocky Horror

• Directed by: Linus O’Brien

• Written by: Avner Shiloah

• Stars: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Richard O’Brien

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

There’s not a story to spoil. This is a documentary about how the play and movie came to be, interviewing actor writer musician Richard O’Brien and his past, and much about the people involved with Rocky Horror. It’s loaded with interviews and vintage footage and stills. Clearly the folks in this had a good time back in the day, and in the making of this documentary. It’s really well put together and a lot of fun to watch.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Richard O’Brien in New Zealand, talking about his “historic house.” We see a statue of Riff Raff in front of a museum. O’Brien then talks about his life as a barber. We then cut to scenes from the movie and views of the crowds as credits roll.

We hear from a guy who talks about being gay and learning about the show; he often participated in the live show. He eventually became a drag actor.

O’Brien talks about his early career and Method Acting. He’d been in several major parts in musical theater and then became a father to Linus, this film’s director. He eventually decided to write his own musical, and he sings “Science Fiction Double Feature” for us live. He wrote most of the play in a hurry because time was so limited.

We hear from the costume designer next; most people turned down the job. Tim Curry and Nell Campbell explain how they got involved. They all talk about opening night at the theater, and the tickets sold out very quickly— a huge hit. O’Brien then talks about his sexuality in the younger days and how that went in the 50s and 60s— that just didn’t fly. His wife at the time didn’t approve, but his kid was fine with it.

We then shift to the initial production of the movie version of the play. They brought in many of the cast and crew from the London play, which was unusual for a film. It wasn’t taken over by the Hollywood crowd; the small theater group basically did the whole thing for a budget of about a million dollars. Barry Bostwick and Susan Sarandon came in at this point as outsiders, just like their characters. The producer explains that a lot of the low-budget, cheap-looking special effects were actually intended to be cheesy, and he often told the effects people to tone it down and make it look goofier.

Jack Black tells us about seeing the film when he was nine years old and what an influence Meat Loaf had on him. Peter Hinwood, as Rocky, wasn’t an actor, but hired for his muscle.

Linus reads fan letters to his father, and it’s clear that the movie changed some people’s lives.

After three years in London and Hollywood, the play moved to Broadway, but the critics and New Yorkers hated it. It soon closed. The film was released, and it was a flop as well. They eventually landed the idea of showing the film at midnight in theaters, and that brought in a whole new audience. It was a surprise hit. People kept going to see it over and over, every week, which surprised everyone.

We move on to talk about the film’s audience and how they dressed up, brought props, and acted out scenes. The whole concept of a “shadow cast” was a new thing. The dressing up, cross-dressing, and message of sexual freedom was an outlet for young, queer people through the 70s, 80s, and onwards.

As the film winds down, we’re told that the Rocky Horror Picture Show is the longest-running theatrical release in history.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s surprising that so many of the people involved are still alive, but they’re all looking good and eager to talk about their work. The stories are interesting and relevant, and it’s clear that they all owe a lot to the play and movie.

I’m a relative newcomer to Rocky, but I liked it a lot, and this film helps explain the appeal and history of the whole phenomenon. It was definitely worth watching.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was very cool. I’d never seen this much of the history of Rocky Horror, and I didn’t know that much about Richard O’Brien. I’m glad this was made at this time when almost all the main folks were still available to interview.

2007 The Mist

• Directed by: Frank Darabont

• Written by: Frank Darabont

• Stars: Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden

• Run Time: 2 Hours, 6 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In a small Maine town, people are trapped in a supermarket after a strange mist envelopes the town. There just might be creatures in the mist, too. There’s a strong cast with a lot of recognizable faces, a suspenseful story with action, and decent special effects. It’s on the long side, but it moves well. It’s one of the better Stephen King adaptations, and we both thought it was very entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on David Drayton, who appears to be Stephen King’s personal artist. There’s a weird storm, and the family heads down to the basement just before a tree falls on the house. In the morning, they assess the damage and notice there’s a strange mist coming down off the mountain.

The next-door neighbor Brent, has a bunch of damage as well. The two, along with little Billy, pass a bunch of military trucks on the way into town. Rumor has it that there’s a crashed alien saucer up the military base on the mountain.

The three head into the local grocery store, which is packed and without power. While there, we meet some of the town’s quirkier characters. They notice a lot of army people in town this morning for some reason.

Suddenly, the tornado siren goes off. Dan Miller runs in, covered in blood, yelling “There’s something in the mist!” The fog rolls into town, and they all hear people screaming out there. Then there’s an earthquake, and everyone in the crowded store knows they’re in big trouble.

Everyone has somewhere else they’d rather be, but one woman left kids home alone and insists on leaving. The mist is so dense that they don’t know what happened to her. Billy goes into shock from the fear. Old Irene introduces Amanda, the new teacher in town. Mr. Carmody says it’s Judgment Day for all the sinners.

David goes into the back room and something outside really wants in through the loading dock door. David immediately comes to the conclusion that there’s a monster outside, but the others are skeptical. Norm crawls out under the door into the mist to unclog the ventilator for the generator, but something with a huge tentacle grabs him, and it’s quite a violent scene.

David, Ollie, Myron, and Jim watch Norm die and wonder how they’re going to keep the monsters out of that giant plate-glass window in the front of the store. They tell Norton about the situation, and he thinks it’s a prank.

David explains the monsters in the mist to the gathered crowd, but it’s a hard sell. Bud the store manager, goes back to see the mess from the attack, and now he’s a believer. Everyone gets to work reinforcing the windows. Mrs. Carmody prays hard, wondering if everyone in the store is a sinner; she’s not very nice.

Norton and Carmody have their own views about what’s going on, and the bring a bunch of dissent to the crowd. Amanda contributes a gun to the cause.

Norton and some of the group decide that enough is enough and leave the store. They tie a rope to big biker dude and he goes out with them; what they pull back in is just a bloody mess. Now, no one is doubting.

Night falls, and the lights inside attracts some bugs. Big bugs. Carmody goes on about locusts. Then come little dragon-looking things to eat the bugs. Soon, the windows break and things start coming in for the lights. Sally gets bitten by a bug and quickly dies, as do many others. There’s quite a battle, and there are more deaths throughout the night.

David points out that it’s just a matter of time until Carmody turns the locals against them and do a human sacrifice or something. It doesn’t take very long until that happens.

A group decides to go next door to the pharmacy to get some painkillers for the wounded. The doors on the pharmacy are wide open, so anything could have gotten in.There’s a spider web and human carcasses in it, including one army guy who’s only mostly dead and says that it’s all their fault. Things escalate very quickly, and we lose a few more characters.

Carmody continues preaching to the crowd all day. David, Ollie, Irene, Amanda, and some of the others still want to leave. David and the last remaining soldier talk about “The Arrowhead Project” up at the army base. He admits he heard stuff about a doorway to other dimensions to see what was on the other side. The creatures probably came from another world.

Goaded by Carmody, the crowd attacks the soldier and throws him outside, where something really big gets him.

David’s group is ready to leave, but now Carmody forbids it— and her followers are ready to enforce what she says. At least until Ollie shoots her, and her followers scatter like rats. The group makes a run for the car, but there are more deaths on the way.

David, Billy, Amanda, Dan, and Irene make it to the car, but the others are killed by things. They start the car and slowly drive out of the store’s lot. They drive and drive, and everyone they pass is dead. David’s house is covered in spider webs, so his wife has to be dead.

They head out of town, and they don’t see anything better. They spot one creature that’s just about mountain-sized; it doesn’t even notice them. Everyone gets more and more depressed, and they eventually run out of gas.

Without any hope of rescue, David offers to kill them all, and the others agree. He uses the gun to kill his four companions, but then he doesn’t have a bullet for himself. He tries, but four bullets is four bullets. He gets out the car, planning to be eaten, but then he hears engines,

Turns out, the army, with tanks and heavy weapons, were right behind them, along with a truckload of survivors. The army is fighting the monsters and winning, and the mist is even breaking up, but it’s too late for David, who just shot all his friends and his son.

Brian’s Commentary

The casting in this is amazing— so many recognizable faces. The pacing is really good, as it’s long but never drags.

It’s got probably the bleakest ending of any movie, but its also really appropriate and works well. Stephen King actually preferred this to his own book’s ending.

The creature effects hold up pretty well, but the characters and rising tension are what really drive this one. It’s a classic!

Kevin’s Commentary

An early draft of the script had a prologue scene of Project Arrowhead running an experiment during the thunderstorm that gets out of control and opens a portal to another dimension through which the mist and critters come through. They decided not to include it.

This was very good, but I actually prefer the novella that it’s based on. And I dislike the ending of the movie versus the novella that was more open ended.

2022 Catnado

• Directed by: Curtis Everett, Donald Farmer, Alaine Huntington

• Written by: Blake Blasko, Curtis Everett, Donald Farmer

• Stars: Rebecca Rinehart, Blair Kelly, Joshua Gotte

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

IMDB says, “It’s like Sharknado, but with cats,” and that’s a pretty apt description. It also has a harsh rating of 1.7 out of 10 at the time of this posting. This is an anthology, and as a voice on the radio warns, those catnadoes can pop up anywhere, anytime. It is a supernaturally powered tornado full of evil, angry cats, for some reason. The movie is stupid and bad, yet entertaining and quite hilarious at the same time.

Spoilery Synopsis

A woman talks about the day that the sky went dark and then cats started killing. “This was no ordinary tornado. This was a catnado. No one was safe.” We’re going to see some of those stories in this anthology…

Crimes and Felines

On Halloween, we see the neighborhood is all decorated. A man talks about not being able to book their vacation cruise because of the catnadoes, which is a lot like the COVID hoax.

A woman picks up her ex from prison; he’s just been released. He’s got a lead on 1.3 million dollars hidden in a mattress. They need some cash to get there, so they rob a woman coming out of the pet store.

They arrive at the victim’s house, and it’s full of cats. Suddenly, the tornado siren goes off. Could it be a catnado? Yes, it’s a tornado full of cats, spitting them out all willy-nilly and killing people. There’s nothing worse than stirred-up cats!

To make it worse, a cat bursts out of the boyfriend’s belly and kills the girl. The pet shop lady then takes her money back.

Of Cats and Men

A man arrives at his home in the country and gets a storm warning on his phone. He then sits outside and drinks beer until the storm hits. He runs out of beer and goes after more— he runs into a cat with his truck, and it makes a big splat.

He’s about to get into a fight with another motorist when they hear a bunch of meowing. Soon, the cat-astrophe is upon them, and Mal gets hit by a car himself.

Everyone wakes up in a cabin, and they argue a lot as the yowling surrounds the house. They all go over their family drama and some deaths in the past; they all have a backstory. The drama continues until the cats get inside.

Storm Window

A man who doesn’t like storms reads Bible verses. He finds that he’s locked in a storm shelter with several cats who talk in funny accents (where did these cats grow up to learn these accents? That’s not what real cats talk like). The cats trash-talk Raymond until he slowly goes insane. “The catnado is coming for you, Raymond!”

Apocalypse Meow

A scriptwriter writes a story about a cat plague that kills millions of cats. There’s even a cat church now. The two guys, Jerry and Oliver, have a cat, but one of them is afraid of the cat. There’s a storm coming, and the weather report is pretty weird. Maybe the cat vaccine has something to do with it.

Something scratches at the door, and Oliver doesn’t want to let it in. Jerry, on the other hand, has a gun. The vaccine made millions of killing machines and hundreds of catnadoes. The two soon form a vigilante group to look for pussy.

The pair soon encounter a really big catnado. Oliver is killed, and Jerry puts on his silly hat. Somehow, Oliver has become a cat-man and comes after Jerry.

Cat Burglar

A woman talks about a man who stole her cat. There’s been a “cat burglar” in the neighborhood, and he’s wearing a mask. The detectives check out one of their informants, and he’s seen the man.

We then cut to the cat burglar, in a mask, and there’s some science-y stuff going on. The burglar promises to conjure up a catnado. There’s a shootout with the detectives, and the burglar is killed.

Nightmare at 10,000 Feet

A couple of guys are flying their small plane home, but they hear something on the roof of the plane. There’s a gremlin-cat left over from a catnado on the wing of the plane! They use a cat toy to get its attention, and the reject from “Cats” takes it away from them.

Cosmic Catnado

After the credits, another segment appears. It doesn’t make any sense at all, something about “Stinky cheese of the soul” and “Astro the Space Hero.”

Brian’s Commentary

“It’s raining cats and …” “When there’s no more room in the cat box, cats shall rule the Earth!” So many “pussy” jokes.

This has some of the worst special effects I’ve ever seen, but they’re still hilarious. It’s extremely low budget, but it’s so silly it’s hard not to like it.

Kevin’s Commentary

Who doesn’t love a vortex of cats sweeping across the land?

It’s low-budget and bad, but in a good way. The effects are terrible. I thought it was funny and entertaining. Don’t expect great cinema, but if you’re a fan of sharknado-level movies, you can expect a good time.

I have no regrets seeing it.

1999 Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies

• Directed by: Jack Sholder

• Written by: Peter Atkins, Jack Sholder

• Stars: Holly Fields, Chris Weber, Al Foster, Andrew Divoff

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

During a botched robbery, Demerest the Wishmaster is accidentally released, and he becomes linked to the surviving thief. The djinn has to collect 1001 souls in exchange for wishes to trigger an apocalypse. So he gets to work, causing mayhem and death - very few of his granted wishes are benevolent. Andrew Divoff is great again as the djinn; it’s got a decent story, and the effects are very good. But the pacing is clunky, and we both thought it was pretty dull.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a group of thieves in the museum. They take paintings, but when they break some glass, the alarm goes off. During the ensuing gunfight, a statue gets shot and spits out a huge gemstone, which one of the thieves grabs. Morgana shoots a guard and then gets shot herself, but the jewel stops the bullet. Eric also gets shot, but he stays behind to die— except the jewel reveals something to him. The Wishmaster comes out of the jewel, and he’s quite a mess. Eric wishes he’d never been born. He suddenly de-ages down to the fetus level and then vanishes. “Done,” says the Wishmaster. When the police show up, the creature has turned into his human form, Nathaniel, and they promptly arrest him. Nathaniel tries to get the detective to make a wish, but the cop isn’t biting.

In the jail cell, Nathaniel tries to “help” some of the inmates. One guy wishes to walk right through the bars, which soon happens— like Play-Doh through the extruder. With another prisoner, he offers to make his lawyer suffer.

Meanwhile, Morgana takes Eric’s death badly. She has a nightmare about the Wishmaster demon and then goes to church. She meets an old friend, Gregory, who is now a priest. She tells him all about her odd dreams, which all seem to involve a prophecy.

Meanwhile, the djinn continues making deals for souls in prison where he’s being held. He ends up talking cryptically to Morgana in jail. Later, he makes a prison bully’s henchmen beat him to death because he wished to get “wasted.” Morgana tries to convince Gregory that evil is happening, and she keeps having visions. Gregory goes to see the djinn himself, and he’s convinced that he’s not of this world.

Gregory looks up djinns and explains the thing about needing 1,001 souls to free the Wishmaster’s entire race, and he has to finalize it by giving three wishes to the one who released him. Morgana then cuts off her pinky finger as a sacrifice to become “pure.”

Nathaniel gives a guard his wish, a minute alone to dance. He then steals the guard’s skin to walk out the front door along with his friend Osip. He soon meets Pushkin, a mob boss. Pushkin wants his enemy’s head, and he’s soon wearing it— so his men kill him. Suddenly, Morgana rushes in and shoots Nathaniel, who turns into his demon form. He offers her a wish as a reward for waking him, but she runs away.

Morgana and Gregory return to Osip, who refuses to help them. He shoots Morgana to prevent the prophecy, and she’s OK with that. Somehow, that doesn’t work - she’s locked in with the Djinn until he finishes his work. Meanwhile, Nathaniel goes to the Vegas casinos, where lots of people have wishes. It’s not going to take long for him to get the 800 more souls that he needs.

Not long after, it seems everyone is a winner at the casino. Then, everyone he granted wishes to starts dropping dead as he collects their souls from them. Now, he has only to grant Morgana’s three wishes, and he wins the Earth.

The Wishmaster takes Morgana to Hell for a chat. He’s torturing Gregory, and getting him released is her first wish. Gregory dies; that’s a release, right? She tries a lot of things, but none of them work against him. He takes her back to the casino, which has gotten all possessed, and it’s killing the patrons. Morgana wishes the guard she killed in the opening scene were alive again— this makes her pure enough to put the Wishmast back in his crystal. As she says the magic words, all his victims’ souls are returned to their owners.

Back in Hell, the Wishmaster doesn’t look happy. He’ll probably be back.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s been a while since we saw the first film, so here’s a link. This is more of the same. The deaths seem a little less creative this time, and the characters didn’t do much for me either. Andrew Divoff, as the djinn, is the only thing worth seeing here, and it’s clear that at least he’s having a good time.

I was a little bored with this one.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was initially thinking I’d seen this, but I now think it was just a compilation of some key scenes on YouTube.

It’s pointed out that when Andrew Divoff is in his human form, in this movie and the first movie, he doesn’t blink. Trivia says the director was impressed that he was doing it, but Andrew said he didn’t even realize that he was. I agree with Brian that Divoff is the bright spot in this. He’s perfect in the role, and it’s clear he’s really into it.

It’s on the dull side overall.

Contact Info:

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As a special bonus, we’ll also talk about the mostly non-horrorish series, “Fallout Season 2” that just hit a physical media release. We liked it!

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #56, for May 2026, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

1968 Dracula Has Risen from the Grave

• Director: Freddie Francis

• Writers: Anthony Hinds

• Stars: Christopher Lee, Rupert Davies, Veronica Carlson

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

• Link:

Spoilery Synopsis

A boy rides his bicycle to the church; he’s the janitor. He goes to ring the church bell and notices that the rope is covered in blood. The priest comes in and climbs the long, winding stairs to the bell tower to find a dead girl hanging inside the bell with bite marks on her neck. “When shall we be free of his evil?” The priest cries. Time passes, and we see that winter has come and gone.

A year has passed since Dracula was destroyed in the previous film, “Dracula: Prince of Darkness.” The monsignor comes to town, and he says he wants to “clean” the castle of its evil influence. The local priest is terrified to even talk about it and refuses to walk all the way up the mountain to the castle. It’s dark by the time he arrives and begins his blessing. The terrified priest runs away and falls down the mountain, injuring himself and cracking open the ice that has trapped Dracula. The priest looks and finds that… Dracula Has Risen from the Grave!

The monsignor returns to the town and says everything is fine now; the castle has been exorcised. We soon see that Dracula has enslaved the priest. Dracula and the priest hop on a carriage and hurry to the nearest town, which just happens to be where the monsignor lives. Dracula has dinner on the way there, picking on Maria’s waitress friend Zena for a first course.

The monsignor returns to his own city. He is raising his niece, Maria, his ward, and her mother. Maria’s boyfriend accidentally gets soaked in beer, which doesn’t impress the snooty monsignor. When the boyfriend mentions that he’s an atheist, that impresses the monsignor even less.

The priest rents a room at the inn, and in the basement is a secret area where he hides Dracula and his coffin. Dracula tells Zena to bring Maria to him; he wants revenge on the monsignor. Zena does her job, and Maria is brought in before Dracula. He’s ready to bite her, but Paul interrupts and runs Dracula off. Dracula enters her bedroom later that night, uninvited, and finally bites her.

The monsignor finds the bite marks and knows immediately what has happened. Dracula comes back the next night, and the monsignor runs him off with a cross and chases him across the rooftops. The evil priest bashes the monsignor in the head with a rock. The monsignor calls for Paul to help, and he explains everything to him before he dies.

Paul catches on to the evil priest and makes him lead Paul to Dracula, who is in his coffin. Paul places the stake above his heart and impales him. It’s still not enough to kill Dracula because Paul is an atheist and will not pray. Dracula grabs Maria as he escapes. They both board a carriage driven by the priest, and once again, they head out of town.

They all run to the castle. Maria pulls the big cross off the door and throws it down the mountain. Paul and Dracula wrestle, and Dracula gets thrown down the mountain and impaled on the cross. The evil priest comes to his senses and prays, causing the final death of Dracula. When we look again, Dracula is gone. Did he get away? Did he turn to dust? We don’t see what happened. Surely, we’ll never see him again, will we?

Brian’s Commentary

Several interior sets from previous Hammer films are noticeable here, from the previous Dracula film as well as Frankenstein Created Woman.

It looks good and has a good story. Dracula actually gets lines this time, and not only that, but he also has a plan for revenge.

Paul freely admits that he’s an atheist. I’m no expert on the customs of the time period, but I suspect that’s not something anyone would have admitted to a monsignor in the vague-1800s. Atheism is a common-enough status today, but it would have been likely to cause all sorts of trouble for him in town in those days. Still, it’s an important point later when Paul actually drives a stake through Dracula’s heart, and it doesn’t work. The necessity of prayer to kill a vampire is unique to this film, as far as I am aware.

A lot of the plot has to do with Dracula needing to hide out because he can’t get back into the castle after the monsignor puts the cross on the door. Near the end of the film, he gets Maria to pull down the cross for him and throw it away, and that was good enough; why couldn’t he have simply told the possessed priest-servant to do the same about an hour earlier?

1995 Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace

• Director: Farhad Mann

• Writers: Farhad Mann

• Stars: Patrick Bergin, Matt Frewer, Austin O’Brien, and Ely Pouget

• Runtime: 92 minutes (1h 32m)

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This takes place immediately following the first movie, and about six years later. Despite Jobe putting himself into the machine and leaving his body behind in movie one, he’s still alive and doctors reconstruct his damaged face so Matt Frewer can play him this time. It’s sort of a stand alone more than a sequel. And the opening credits call the movie “Lawnmower Man 2: Jobe’s War.”

It’s tame and lame, pretty bland. Neither of us cared much for it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with some scenes from the ending of the previous film, where Cyber-Jobe gets out of the machine into the system before the building explodes. Dr. Benjamin Trace defends his Chiron Chip in court as credits roll.

A body is retrieved from the burning facility, and it turns out to be Jobe. Dr. Cori Platt communicates with the man through a computer terminal, but then he can speak. He was burned and reconstructed, so he doesn’t look like Jeff Fahey now, he looks more like Max Headroom. Jonathan Walker, the owner of the company, wants Jobe to build the Chiron Chip for him. They put Jobe into the VR machine, and things get weird quickly.

In Los Angeles, in the future, it looks like Blade Runner, but with less steam and more VR helmets. Peter, Jade, Shawn, and Travis steal access codes. Their group is like the Lost Boys meets “Hackers.” They all go into the VR world, but it’s a warzone now. With a little help from Harvey, the too-intelligent dog, they find Jobe, who has missed Peter.

Jobe says Cyberscape is dying, and he needs Peter to find Dr. Trace. Walker talks to the senator about his nefarious plans.

Peter comes to Dr. Trace’s house, and they talk about Jobe. Peter explains how the new and improved VR works; if you die in the game, you die in the real world. Trace jacks in and talks to Jobe about the Chiron chip, which he’s using to build a virtual world. Trace quickly comes to the conclusion that Jobe is insane. Jobe wants to know what “Egypt” means, and it’s some kind of encoded secret. Trace explains that the Egypt code would let Jobe access any system in the world.

Walker uses Jobe to blackmail rich Democrats like the senator, who wants to revoke their license. Jobe then kills the senator by making his plane crash.

Cori confronts Walker about putting the project online tomorrow. She’s worried about Jobe, but Walker doesn’t care. Trace warns Cori about Jobe yet again and then sneaks into the Virtual Light compound with the kids. They steal the Chiron Chip, and soon all the guards chase them as Jobe giggles on the monitors. This leads to all the good guys running to the exit and getting away.

Turns out, they stole a fake chip, and Walker still has the real one. He gets the President of the USA to jack in along with many VIPs. Jobe is there with the Chiron Chip, and he makes it so that he has twelve hours until the global interface. He starts taking over systems around the world, but it’s not irreversible for another twelve hours.

Jobe takes over a helicopter and crashes it into Trace’s house. He then creates computerized mayhem all over the world. Jobe wants people to hate their world and live in his. Walker confronts him and Jobe quickly shows him who the real boss is.

Trace needs to go into the system and trick Jobe into destroying himself. They do a virtual sword fight, and the Chiron Crystal is destroyed. The Egypt thing takes over and destroys Jobe and the whole cyberworld.

Trace and the others find Jobe, who’s regressing to his old lawnmower-man self. Walker comes in and grabs Peter, but he’s electrocuted instead.

Everyone smiles as they go outside into the post-apocalyptic hellscape that is Earth.

Brian’s Commentary

Peter’s like five years older than in the previous film, but the world has gone full cyberpunk Blade Runner in that time. Jobe, whose body melted in the previous film, is back in a corporeal body again, which isn’t really explained.

This feels like a sci-fi movie targeted towards children, and it’s just as logical as that sounds. Most of it makes no real sense. Plus, they’ve stolen a whole lot of plot elements from the various Star Wars movies.

Why were the guards suddenly following Jobe’s orders? He was Walker’s slave, and a secret one at that.

There’s surprisingly little VR in this film, but the sci-fi that is here is all very cliched and gimmicky. It’s just plain awful.

Kevin’s Commentary

So despite it taking place immediately after the first movie, with some time for Jobe to heal with about six years passing, it’s now a futuristic Blade Runnerish world now.

It’s said that there was conflict in the editing stage, with the producers taking over from director-writer Farhad Mann, so it’s not quite the movie he intended. Perhaps it would have been better. Like Brian pointed out, it seems like a sci-fi movie for kids. But with quite a bit of violence and a pretty good body count.

We paused for a break, saw there was half an hour to go, and both groaned. This is not a good sign for a movie. It’s not the worst movie I’ve seen, but I wasn’t very entertained.

2026 This is Not a Test

• Director: Adam MacDonald

• Writers: Adam MacDonald

• Stars: Olivia Holt, Froy Gutierrez, Luke MacFarlane, Corteon Moore, Chloe Avakian, and Carson MacCormac

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 43 Minutes

• Trailer (YouTube):

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Five students in their twenties shelter in their high school after a zombie outbreak. It starts out fast, and there are some frantic moments, but the pacing is uneven, and it often drags. We both agreed there wasn’t anything new here, which really reduced the entertainment for us.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Sloane in the bathtub, with a suicide note in-hand, but then she changes her mind. Sloane’s sister left them, and she’s not happy about it, especially since dad’s an abusive jerk. Suddenly, there’s abrupt chaos, and her dad says they need to leave. Yes, it’s a very sudden zombie apocalypse! Dad gets bitten in a violent but quick battle, and then Sloane runs outside. Credits roll.

The next day, we cut to a group of teenagers hiding inside the high school. They have to beat the principal to death with a phone, but he’s a zombie, so that’s OK.

We flash back to Sloane’s run yesterday. She runs into Rhys and Cary and goes with them. They join Grace, Trace, and their mother and hide in a house. They decide to run to the school, but are attacked on the way.

We get additional flashbacks concerning Sloane’s sister, who left the abusive father and sister alone together. Of the five survivors, there are already conflicts and alliances.

They find Mr. Baxter, one of the teachers, hiding in a closet; he won’t tell them how he got inside. He’s a perv for Sloane, and creepy to boot. Cody says the teacher’s been bitten and wants to shoot him. Rather than be shot, he volunteers to leave. On the way out, he bites Cory.

After ejecting Baxter, they decide to isolate and observe Cory. Sloane and Rhys have some happy-time together, as do Cory and Grace. Baxter returns, and Trace shoots Grace by mistake in the ensuing scuffle.

Sloane gets a text from her sister and wants to go to the family home in the morning. Trace has killed himself, so now there are only three left. They make a run for Sloane’s house and lose Cody along the way.

Sloane and Rhys make it to the house and find Sloane’s sister, Lilly, there– but she’s been turned, so Sloane has to kill her. She and Rhys drive off to find the safe zone they heard about on the radio.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s teenagers and drama in a high school during a zombie outbreak. That’s all there is to this. There are also lots of people yelling over each other in many scenes to make it seem more tense.

It’s well-made and looks good, but there’s nothing here that we haven’t seen MANY times before.

Kevin’s Commentary

It starts fast, and there are fast moments, but it’s inconsistent with some really dragging points. And there’s too much “teen” drama.

There wasn’t much new that we haven’t seen before in fast zombie movies, and the pacing wasn’t great. While the production values were very good, I was actually kind of bored through much of it.

2026 Lee Cronin’s The Mummy

• Director: Lee Cronin

• Writers: Lee Cronin

• Stars: Jack Reynor, Laia Costa, May Calamawy, Natalie Grace, and Verónica Falcón

• Runtime: 133 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A girl disappears in Egypt. Eight years later, she turns up and is returned to her family. But she’s not at all right, and it’s a nightmare for everyone that just gets worse and worse as the movie progresses. The effects are nasty and effective. The story and pacing are good, and it never lets up. We both thought it was great.

Spoilery Synopsis

An Egyptian family is on vacation, and Mom is grumpy. The pet bird has somehow fallen over into a puddle of blood. The adults know what’s going on and head to the pyramid they have buried in the basement. “How do we know it’s time?” asks the husband. “We check,” says the wife. They open the huge stone sarcophagus using a complicated winch setup and peek inside. “Is he awake?” Yeah, he’s awake. Credits roll.

Charlie Cannon is in Cairo teaching his kids Morse Code. He’s a reporter in Egypt. His wife, Larissa, is pregnant with another kid, but the first two like to fight a lot. The little girl, Katie, meets Layla’s mother, the magician, and she looks very familiar. She’s got candy and magic tricks, and she gives Katie candy and an apple. She also feeds her a magic bug. When Charlie goes to look for her, she’s vanished.

Detective Zaki is newly assigned to Missing Persons at the police department, and she’s assigned Katie’s case. The chief detective thinks Charlie killed his own daughter.

Eight years later, Charlie and his family live in New Mexico, and they have never found Katie. Older Sebastian wants to go on a school trip to Europe, but his mother won’t allow it. Maud has been born and is about eight.

Back in Egypt, an airplane falls from the sky. Inside the plane was that stone sarcophagus we saw before. Experts try to image what’s inside but can’t see through it. They open it up, and there’s a mummy inside. The mummy inside is in surprisingly good shape and then sits up, screaming. It’s Katie.

Charlie gets a call from Cairo, and the man there says they found Katie– alive. She’s catatonic and has weird skin, seems heavily sedated, andt she’s not quite right. Zaki explains about the way Katie was recovered.

As monstrous as Katie is now, the parents take her home. She quickly goes full-Exorcist in front of the whole family. Seb and Maud are a little terrified of her, and the parents are at a loss as well. Katie sneaks into the big crawl space in the walls that night and leads them all on a chase.

The next day, Larissa and her mother try to clean up Katie, and her toenails and teeth are horrific. This goes… badly. Charlie suggests finding a place for Katie to live, but Larissa’s not having that; this leads to an argument. Katie pulls off a big strip of skin from her leg, and Charlie notices that it has Egyptian writing on the inside.

Charlie shows the strips of skin to Professor Baxter, an expert. The text is extremely old, and the professor gets to work on translating it. Katie doesn’t speak, but she makes clicking noises that Charlie recognizes as Morse Code. She says, “Layla” over and over. Charlie soon figures out that Layla was the neighbor girl back in Egypt.

Late that night, Katie uses her supernatural powers to possess Maud. Baxter tells Charlie that Nazmeranian is an ancient Egyptian demon, a destroyer of families who travels from person to person. Then it was trapped by using an ancient ritual.

Zaki works on tracking down Layla at a nectarine farm in the middle of the desert. She finds the house with the pyramid inside and goes exploring. She shoots Layla’s mother and then chases Layla through the farm. She eventually finds a videotape about Katie, and it talks about how using an innocent child is best. “Katie is not supposed to be outside the box.” Layla has no tongue, so she writes out a full explanation.

Meanwhile, Katie and a pack of coyotes mess up Grandma. At the funeral, Maud is looking pretty evil as Katie’s bedroom door now has a big padlock on it. Still, Katie starts her corrupting work on Seb next. The funeral is memorable, to say the least.

Zaki shows up and shows Charlie and Lari the tape. Eighty-two people have been mummified to contain the evil Nazmaranian - children work the best because they hold up the longest. We see what they did to little Katie; Nazmeranian came out of the old, dead mummy and into her. Then they wrapped her like a mummy and sealed her away.

At the same time, Seb is upstairs helping Katie peel her skin off. Dead-Grandma gets up out of her coffin and torments Charlie. Katie goes berserk and attacks… everyone. All manner of nastiness ensues. Eventually, Zaki says the magic words that make Nazmaranian leave Katie’s body and go into Charlie’s.

Katie wakes up, mentally normal now. They bury Charlie in a chained-up box in the basement with the proper runes to keep him inside. He taps out in Morse Code to the three kids. Katie’s normal again, as are Seb and Maud.

Zaki and Lari talk; Layla’s mother isn’t dead, but in prison. Lari comes into her cell and brings Charlie with her… to transfer Nazmeranian into the evil woman…

Brian’s Commentary

The scariest part might be the toenail-clipping scene. There’s a lot of body horror and gore here, and it’s all really well done. All the creature effects here are really excellent.

The family needed to institutionalize Katie after about the first hour, but even after her weirdness became evident to everyone, they still didn’t do anything.

The acting, sets, and everything are really good here, especially the pacing, which never slows down or gets boring for a minute.

This was excellent!

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s got some real cringe and wince moments with the gore and effects with body horror.

That was the best wake ever.

Everything about it was really well put together, very impressive. I liked it a lot. Best of the modern Mummy movies for sure.

2026 Undertone

• Directed by: Ian Tuason

• Written by: Ian Tuason

• Stars: Nina Kiri, Adam DiMarco

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A skeptical paranormal podcast producer starts to believe a bit as strange audio gets a little too real. It’s interesting how it’s made, with only two actors seen - Nina Kiri as Evy, mostly - and everyone else as audio only, and all taking place inside one house. It’s quiet and slow-moving, all about the audio. It gradually builds and gets creepier as it goes along. We were both very entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on an old woman in bed as Evy sings to her. The old woman is clearly dying, and credits roll.

Evy puts on her headphones and calls Justin on her computer. She tells him about her sick mother– she just wants it to be over. They talk about “The Undertone,” a podcast they both create about “freaky” things. This time, they talk about a cursed video that made 91 people kill themselves, but it’s been debunked.

On another topic, Justin shares a weird email that’s full of random letters and audio clips. Justin plays the first clip, and it’s a couple of people talking. Mike wants to record Jessa, because he says she talks in her sleep. At one point, Jessa starts singing in her sleep. In the second clip, there’s a sound like “Mike kill all.”

Evy tells Justin she wants to stop recording for the night, and they sign off. She goes upstairs to check on her mother and goes to bed. In the morning, Evy calls the doctor about a pregnancy test and talks to Mama’s nurse.

Evy’s invited to a party, but when the time comes, she has to clean up her mother - and she tells her mother she’ll be back in a few hours. She doesn’t get home until morning, and then finds her mother on the bedroom floor.

Evy and Justin resume their talk about the weird sound clips. The fourth clip is about a weird doll that Jessa and Mike have, and then there’s some loud banging. They put off recording for a couple days so Evy can get some sleep.

Instead, she looks at that audio clip in more detail and plays some of it backwards. It says “Come in Abyzou” over and over, putting Evy into a trance. Abyzou is “the taker of children,” an old-time demon. The lore has a bunch of dead babies and stillborn births, which doesn’t do much for the now-confirmed-pregnant Evy.

One of Mike and Jessa’s clips now has a baby crying on it, but they don’t have a baby. Then there’s a scream. The next clip has another baby and some music, as well as more screaming. There’s more about “Ba Ba Black Sheep” and Abyzou.

Justin gets scared and wants to scrap this episode, but Evy thinks it’s gold. Maybe do a two-parter episode? Evy keeps noticing that things move in Mama’s room. Maybe she’s not as comatose as she appears?

Evy listens to a meditation/relaxation recording to help her get to sleep. It’s not as relaxing as you might think.

It’s time to record the next podcast, and they have two audio clips left to analyze. Evy’s still convinced that the whole thing is a hoax, but Justin believes it’s all real. They take live callers (on a recorded podcast?) and the caller recognizes Mike and Jessa, who died from suicides. Another listener talks about music played backwards and a mother who killed her baby.

The final audio file says “She is listening” over and over. There’s more loud banging, screaming, and children’s music. Then Jessa name-drops Justin’s name in the recording. A caller explains that they shouldn’t have called out to Abyzou, who lives in the tenth file. Another caller, Abby, talks about killing her own baby.

Out of the blue, Evy admits she killed her mother. The call with Abby gets even weirder after that, tying together all the things we’ve heard so far.

Meanwhile, Evy’s house turns red, and she stops to watch that cursed video that was mentioned in the beginning of the film. The power goes out, and then things get really weird. Maybe Mama’s not dead after all… and the call ends.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s all done in one house, with one actress and a bunch of voice actors, so it’s obviously pretty low budget. Still, what we get looks good, but not much happens on-screen. It’s all about the audio files and sounds.

I was entertained throughout, but it was definitely a slow burn.

Kevin’s Commentary

For such a quiet, low-action movie, I thought it was fascinating to watch. And listen to. Nina Kiri is great, and it’s really well put together.

Hmm. They were recording a podcast and taking live callers at the same time. Somehow, folks knew where and when to call.

I liked how it ended with just audio. Pretty cool. I liked it.

2026 Fallout Season 2

• Directed by: Various, depending on the episode

• Written by: Various, depending on the episode

• Stars: Ella Purnell, Aaron Moten, Walton Goggins, Kyle MacLachlan

• Run Time: Around 55 minutes per episode / 8 Episodes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Let us state up front that Season Two is every bit as entertaining as Season One, if not more so. The weird retro-futuristic-alternate timeline is still there. The dark humor, satire, and violence are dialed up. We laughed, chuckled, and winced many times watching this. As people who are barely familiar with the video game, we say it’s not a requirement to have ever played the game to have fun with this show. But from what we have seen in commentary and trivia, there is a lot of homage and references to the video game that you’ll recognize if you have played it.

Besides the great stories going on in the foreground, the richness of the background details, sets, and characters is impressive. They clearly had money to work with after the success of Season One and put it to excellent use.

This season seems more fragmented than the last, showing the stories of The Ghoul, his life as a human in the past with his wife Barb and her conflict of loving him and their daughter overlapping with her role in the Company, the sagas of the Maclean family (Lucy, Norm, and Hank), Maximus trying to do the right thing, and the struggles and politics of Vaults 31, 32, and 33. And there’s the power struggle over cold fusion running throughout. The transitions between the different individuals and groups is smooth, and they all interact and overlap nicely like a handful of pebbles thrown into a pond with expanding circles. The writers knew what they were doing.

The use of songs is so great, very well placed, and well used.

It’s a strong thumbs-up from us. If you liked Season One, do continue on to Season Two for a good time. It’s a skilled cast with high production values that all come together.

Brian’s Commentary

It moves a lot more quickly than Season One, since it doesn’t need to set up all the characters and situations, but it still feels like it’s dragging out a story too long, especially the Howards’ story from the past— just tell us what happened and get on with it! I guess they need to drag this out so they can let Walton Goggins have some screen time with his own face.

There are essentially three main story lines, one for Lucy and her father, one for Maximus, and one for The Ghoul, or maybe four if you count Cooper Howard from the past. Oh, yeah, and whatever’s going on with Norm and the guys in the vaults, but we don’t get as much of those this year. Any one of these would be an interesting basis for a series, but we get some part of each story in every episode.

The visuals are excellent, a mix of practical and CGI, as are the many creatures and monsters that appear this year. I assume they’re all right out of the video games, but I have no experience with those. The choice of old-timey songs from our grandparents’ days is fun, and those songs are still entertaining today.

I’ve seen that it has been renewed for Season Three, but the ending this year mostly wraps up the main storylines we’ve been seeing. Time for a new chapter?

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought it was very entertaining through the whole thing. I was never bored.

We do jump right in after Season One, continuing smoothly with that stuff as well as introducing new things as the story moves along. There’s more explanation about how the world got to be the way it is now thanks to the generous flashbacks from the past, with a surprising number of characters who still manage to be around 200 plus years later.

I loved that Lucy and Maximus get back together at the end, my two favorite characters.

I’m looking forward to more fun in Season Three - I see that was already renewed and underway before this season started showing.

Contact Info:

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Websites:

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All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #56, for May 2026, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2026 Voidance

• Directed by: Marianna Dean

• Written by: Simon X Frederick

• Stars: Zoe Cunningham, James Cosmo, Eloise Lovell Anderson

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Alana wants to join the elite ATIC guard, but in order to be accepted she has to complete a simulated mission to solve a mystery and stop a terrorist attack. It plays out like a holographic video game that she gradually solves in steps and goes back to the beginning of the program when she fails - and she only has 20 chances to get it right. It’s far in the future and far from Earth, heavy science fiction, really not horror. Kevin thought it was great. Brian thought it was well made, but he wasn’t entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

At ATIC headquarters, Atopia, an agent is congratulated on making it this far. Agent Polo comes in a hologram and explains to Alana about her mission. A spaceship has been stolen and used to rob a cargo ship. This crime was perpetrated by a terrorist group on the neighboring planet, Cho-Hacha. Alana’s mission is to find the ship, arrest the assailants, and figure out what’s going on.

Later, in The Forge, the space-bar on Cho-Hacha, the people there don’t like ATIC very much, and no one will talk to her. Suddenly, everyone in the bar starts arguing with each other, and a curfew is immediately announced. The power resets, and suddenly, everyone is normal again.

She goes to another room and finds a dead man and woman. Three men are there, claiming to have found the bodies first. One of the men, Tashir, isn’t supposed to be there. They all argue and something happens behind Alana. Fail.

Back in the Forge, Alana watches everything she saw before… again. Curfew is raised again. There’s some young people there handing around a petition. She uses the re-do opportunity to check out the murder site, and she sees the two victims, still alive. Alana recognizes that they’re saboteurs, about to wreck the ship. Things turn out differently this time. But someone shoots Alana, so she has to reset and try again.

Alana goes back to the bar, and the group is more friendly now. There’s more investigation going on, and she’s killed a few more times as are some of the characters; at least we get to know the characters a little better. It’s a complicated scenario to solve, and it keeps taking her more and more attempts. While her countdown from 20 is running out.

Eventually, Alana narrows it down to two drug-addicted terrorists and an EMP-like device that shuts down the station. Alana learns from Polo that this situation is all real, and it’s a test of her loyalty as well as her problem solving skills. In the process, she learns that ATIC may not be worth fighting for.

In several more rounds, Alana decides to try to save everyone, even the bad guys. But now she’s down to two more attempts, and she’s run out of ideas. But Polo insists that it can be solved, and she knows the solution. Alana finally talks to Issy about why she hates ATIC, and Polo tells her not to listen. Maybe Issy’s group aren’t terrorists after all. She uses what she knows to kill both terrorists and Issy has to die too - and that’s the solution.

Alana has passed the exam and now graduated as a real agent of ATIC. Alana then returns to the real Forge and joins the resistance group.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s like one of the time-loop episodes of “Star Trek,” or a videogame with save-points, but this one is set in a training simulator.

They make good use of limited sets and rooms. The costumes are good, and it’s clear that the writers have a whole backstory/world in mind that we only get small glimpses of.

I thought there was too much going on that we didn’t know. It wasn’t like a whodunnit, since we really had no idea what was going on. It wasn’t an action movie, either. It was a lot like someone playing a video game and getting through it by brute force trial-and-error.

It’s well made, but it didn’t do much for me.

Kevin’s Commentary

In the future, Britain will conquer space.

I thought it was fun how we get to see the same scenario and characters played out repeatedly with different variations as she tries different things. And it’s cool how she knows she’s in a simulation, and interacts with the gamemaster, which often confuses the characters because they think it’s real from their point of view, and they have no memory of the previous run throughs.

I kept thinking of “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray.

It reminded me of the frustration of playing some walk through video games. You might want it to end one way with certain results, but there is only one way you can win and you have to do those things whether you want to or not.

It’s clearly a low budget project and also clear that the makers knew what they were doing. Good script, limited sets, good minimal special effects, and a small, talented cast were all put to good work.

I thought the ending was ambiguous. Was she there to join the resistance? Or was she fully on board with ATIC because they showed her there was only one way to win, and she was there to infiltrate and destroy the resistance?

I thought it was excellent, I really enjoyed it.

2026 Strawstalker

• Directed by: George Henry Horton

• Written by: George Henry Horton

• Stars: Branika Scott, George Henry Horton, Dallas Steinback

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A fame seeking social media couple moves to a community on the edges of LA and gets ensnared with a powerful scarecrow creature. It’s found footage being livestreamed with a stream of follower comments scrolling along the side of the screen for much of the movie, which was an interesting touch. We both thought it was technically good, a decent story at the core, and realistic effects but we also both wished it had gotten to the good stuff sooner. Brian didn’t dig it at all, Kevin gives it a low-key thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Kurt, one of those financial vloggers who clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing. He talks about fake and pretentious vloggers, while obviously being one himself. He talks about being high last night, so much so that he doesn’t even remember what he’s going to show us.

We start with a girl talking about an “influencer house.” Kurt comes back on and talks about what a weird neighborhood that is. Henry and Haley are in that house, and they’re influencers. They’re obnoxiously pleased with being in L.A., heavy on the “obnoxious.”

They go into their new rental house and find it full of someone else’s clothes. They stop and have sex, but we see someone stalking around outside their window. After way too much foolishness, they find a stuffed scarecrow-looking thing in their backyard.

The couple takes a cab tour of downtown L.A. and Hollywood, and it’s not so impressive. Haley is really concerned about that scary scarecrow outside, but Henry laughs it off– worrying about it laying in the backyard literally keeps her up all night. She gets Henry to go out and find the scarecrow, which might have made one of the neighbors scream. Also, maybe it moves when they aren’t looking.

Eleanor comes over in the morning to see their “monster.” She’s the owner of the house, and she promises to have the gardener remove it next week. The couple then prepare to give a houseparty.

At the party, we get bodycam footage from the cops, who have come to warn them about the neighborhood. There’s a creepy guest there who asks about the dead crows they found in the backyard. She asks Henry about the scarecrow, which has vanished. Now Henry is terrified of the scarecrow.

Suddenly, the scarecrow comes inside and grabs Henry. After Haley says she loves Henry, the monster grabs her too. It drags them outside, where a bunch of cultists stand in a circle, waiting. These guys have a whole religion based around the Strawstalker, who keeps their community safe from deception and lies.

Eleanor is there, and she admits that she’s enticed many people there as an offering to the StrawStalker. The monster is not pleased and kills her. Haley tries to convince Henry that the StrawStalker is an actual monster, but he’s the densest man who ever lived and still thinks it’s a prank.

The cops show up, and they’re useless. As the scarecrow kills the final cop, Henry and Haley set it on fire. They run outside, straight into their next-door neighbor, who runs the cult. Eventually, the monster carries off Henry.

Kurt, the livestreamer, comes back on and doesn’t remember seeing any of that before. Then the monster kills him as well.

Brian’s Commentary

If I knew someone who said “Baybeee” as often as Henry, I’d kill him myself. Actually, I was hoping everyone in the film would die a lot quicker than actually happened. The filming is fine, the acting is all right, and the creature is interesting, although cheap-looking. The problem here is all the influencer/livestreaming stuff, which is just annoying as hell.

It’s dullsville, bay-beeee!

Kevin’s Commentary

Oh my goodness, I thought, Henry and Haley are people I would block on social media not follow. And I could have overlooked that if something interesting actually happened sooner - it went on far too long just watching their domestic and social life. It was a relief when things picked up, and much more entertaining.

Interesting premise that the community, so close to a major city, was a cult worshiping a demigod creature. The story itself is pretty cool, and it’s well made on the technical side of things. It just took too long to get to the good stuff.

2024 Protanopia

• Directed by: Matthew Mahler

• Written by: Matthew Mahler

• Stars: Timothy J. Cox, Anthony Carey, Paula Mahler

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 15 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a young woman goes missing, her brother has dreams about the house where Alan Roscoe Jr lives. And things aren’t at all normal with Alan or his house. It’s interestingly loaded with trippy visuals, bright colors, dreamlike sequences, camera tricks, and general weirdness. It’s thin on story, but still an interesting watch. We both give it a thumbs up overall.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a Bible lesson talking about a leprous house, and then credits roll.

A woman runs through the fog and opens a door; then she’s hit with a hammer, and someone starts putting up “Missing” posters about her.

A detective interviews Luke about the missing girl, his half-sister. Elsewhere, we see Alan, who kills an animal with his lawn mower and feeds the remains to someone in his basement. He obsessively cleans his house.

Alan bakes a pie and lets his guests in, but Janice also brings a pie, which throws off his routine. This is the neighborhood group, and they all have a prayer for Alan’s dead father. The meeting doesn’t go as Alan expects, so he’s not happy about that; Janice seems to be making a power play. They all eat her pie and not his.

Luke and Jack talk about his writing, which is hard since Mallory went missing. Luke then has a very weird vision.

Alan hears someone downstairs and grabs a shotgun. He goes down and finds the ghost of his dead father there, and the old man isn’t happy. He warns Alan to move the bones before he gets caught. He goes outside, digs up something, and his hallucinations just get more and more wild.

Naturally, Janice shows up in the middle of all this to retrieve her pie plate. He leads her to the basement and something happens.

Luke shows up at Alan’s house and looks around. He’s followed his visions of Mallory– but first, a song! Once he wakes up, Jack is still there, reading his book of dreams, but Luke explains that they aren’t his poems, someone is putting them there.

There’s a search for the missing girl, and Alan participates. Everyone wonders where Janice is, but no one really likes her. When he gets home after, he sees his father again.

The detective searches Alan’s backyard and finds bones. The detective and Luke wander around the foggy forest at night. They both head to Alan’s house and check out the basement. Alan calls Luke, “Jack.” The detective bursts in and shoots Alan, who turns into flowers. The detective also calls Luke “Jack.” Jack points at the detective and turns him into dirt.

As the poem said, there really is a lot of dirt in that house…

Luke, who is now Jim, lets in the neighborhood group for another meeting.

Brian’s Commentary

Wikipedia: Protanopia is a severe form of red-green color blindness caused by the complete absence of long-wavelength sensitive (L-cones) in the eye, commonly known as red blindness. People with this condition cannot detect red light, making them dichromats who only see in shades of blue, yellow, and beige.

When the screen goes red, Alan is really crazy.

Janice totally had it coming.

There are lots of weird visuals, colors, and camera tricks in this one. The music adds a lot to the experience as well. Kevin said toward the end, “There’s a story in there somewhere,” and that’s the main impression I got as well. This is visually very neat, but there’s not much plot to it.

Kevin’s Commentary

There is totally nothing wrong with having two pies at a gathering.

This one is all about the visuals and audio, which are excellent and kept me interested. The story, not so much - we have to hunt for that.

I was drawn to the screen and never bored, but would have enjoyed more of a straightforward story. I certainly liked it more than disliked it.

1978 Faces of Death

• Directed by: Conan LeCilaire

• Written by: Alan Black

• Stars: Michael Carr, Samuel Berkowitz, Mary Ellen Brighton

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

There isn’t a story to spoil. It’s really just a collection of death and violence, some real and some staged, involving both animals and humans, put together as a sort of documentary exploring the many Faces Of Death, narrated by actor Michael Carr proclaiming himself to be Dr. Francis B. Gröss. There’s a lot of real graphic content, and even the staged stuff is pretty realistic, so it’s not for the squeamish. It’s an interesting piece of work, a little on the long side.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on grainy footage of an open-heart surgery. We watch the heart beating in the opened-up chest and then stop (it looks more like a freeze-frame than the heart actually stopping). We see many photos of shrivelled-up dead people and an autopsy as the credits roll.

The doctor comes out and looks into the next patient. He tells us about medical failures, which are common. He’s Dr. Francis B Gröss, a pathologist, and he’s compiled a whole library of the faces of death. He tells us about a recurring dream he used to have about a woman, a priest, and a funeral.

He talks about a cemetery in Mexico with a lot of mummified corpses. He also talks about Matadors, bullfighting, and pitbulls in Mexico. He shows us a “lost tribe” in the Amazon jungle that uses blow-gun darts to kill monkeys for food. Not only that, but these guys are head hunters! We then cut to watch some farm animals being slaughtered.

We then cut to a middle-eastern restaurant that serves monkey. They bring a live monkey out to the table and beat it to death with little hammers. Then they cut open the skull and eat its raw, warm brains.

We then shift to poachers and other animal slaughtering. This leads us to a very fake-looking alligator attacking a policeman who was trying to catch him.

Political assassinations are up next. A hired assassin tells us about his work.

At the L.A. Morgue, we talk to the (real) coroner and see how the bodies are treated and stored.

Executions are the next fun topic as we focus on a murderer’s execution by electric chair. We see him led in, strapped to the chair, and get all wired up. It’s pretty nasty (and one of the fake ones). There’s also a beheading by sword in the middle-east.

A flesh-eating cult in California is up next, and they’re weird in a 70s kind of way. This leads us to snake-handler churches in Kentucky.

Surprisingly, cryonics comes up next, with a man who was frozen after he died. This one was real.

Drownings are up next, with a real body caught on film. Spelunkers, hikers, natural disasters, pollution, burning, war, the Holocaust, plagues, poverty, cancer, bad parachutes, train wrecks, car accidents, plane crashes, and more are all addressed.

The narrator then goes into the idea of life after death. What about ghosts and the supernatural? We watch a seance.

Dr. Gröss returns to the screen and wraps things up.

Brian’s Commentary

Back when video stores were a new thing, this was one of the first tapes I rented, and I assumed it was all real. It wasn’t. More than sixty percent of the deaths are real, but many are still fake. It’s all done very seriously, in the usual documentary style of the 70s.

It’s a little hard to tell with some shots whether they’re real or fake, so it is very effective. There’s a lot of gore and blood here. This was crazy in the 70s, but it’s pretty mild by modern standards. Or maybe I just read too much on Reddit.

It’s overlong, and I was ready for it to be over a half hour before the end.

Kevin’s Commentary

Adolf Hitler is listed in the credits, and today I learned he has 43 credits in IMDB as “Self” plus one upcoming at the time of this writing.

It’s a mix of real death and realistic staged stuff - violence, surgery, and gore. Trivia says it is about 60% real. The director openly admitted to everything after the movie was made. There’s a well put together Wikipedia page that tells about how it was made and information about what’s real and what’s not.

I don’t know if I’d define it as entertaining but it is at least interesting. Though like Brian said, it does start to feel long.

2026 Faces of Death

• Directed by: Isa Mazzei and Daniel Goldhaber

• Written by: Isa Mazzei

• Stars: Barbie Ferreira, Dacre Montgomery, Josie Totah, and Charli XCX

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A video content moderator starts coming across videos where someone seems to be recreating scenes from “Faces of Death” from 1978 for real. Or are they? Mystery and tension ensues as she tries to figure it out and gets involved herself. It’s not really a remake or a sequel - it’s a horror movie that exists in the same universe that the 1978 movie does. Brian didn’t like it, Kevin did. Split opinion on this one.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see someone watching violent videos on the internet in a cubicle. They’re content moderators. They allow or disallow submitted videos, and we get the familiar narrator from the original “Faces of Death” movies. Margot is interrupted, but she allows the video, tagged as “Likely fake.” Then she goes home to a creepy old factory where she talks to her roommate, Ryan, the artist. He wants her to go to a party; she’s not comfortable going out, but finally agrees. She’s immediately recognized as “that girl from the train video” and goes home.

The next day, Margot gives a lecture to new hires about the moderation process. She goes up to the roof for her lunch break and talks to a workfriend, who finishes her sandwich. When she goes back to work, we hear that narrator again, but the video isn’t from the old movie. We see a re-enactment of the electric chair scene from the 1978 film. Josh looks at the video and says to let it through, since “DIY horror is trending right now.” Still, she has doubts that this one might actually be real and cries in the restroom.

Arthur, a guy who works in a phone store, sees Samantha’s social media posting and tracks her down. We soon see him following the influencer around town. “Someone” in a mask grabs her in the locker room.

Margot watches a re-enactment of the monkey-brain scene, but this one uses a real person instead of a monkey. This one she flags to remove. She tells Josh again, but he doesn’t want to escalate to the police, because that’s bad PR. This causes a flashback to Margot’s sister’s death by train during an influencer-stunt. She posts the beheading video on Reddit and asks if it’s real or not.

Arthur, meanwhile, is stalking someone new. Neal invites Arthur in, and they talk about making videos. Neal works in television, but when his son walks in, Arthur finds a reason to leave– with Neal’s keys. That night, Arthur returns wearing a mask and knocks out Ryan– and his son Drew as well.

Margot obsesses down the Reddit rabbit hole about the video, and someone mentions that it reminds them of “Faces of Death,” a low budget documentary from 1978. Ryan, a horror fan, just happens to have an old VHS copy, so she watches it. She gets to the monkey brain scene and knows what she’s seeing. Then the electric chair scene looks really familiar too. Ryan says “None of it was real.”

Margot thinks someone is copying the old movie murders for real today. She recognizes the victim of the electrocution as a movie director who recently went missing. She hacks into the system at work to get at the metadata.

At his home dungeon, Arthur makes his prisoners watch the movie. He’s got Samantha, Neal, and Drew locked up in cages. He pulls out Neal and sets him up to re-enact a scene where cops shoot him a bunch of times.

Margot traces the videos to the same local area, but Arthur simultaneously tracks her. Ryan makes her stop. Arthur watches the train video that killed Margot’s sister– ouch! Margot goes to the police, who don’t believe any of her story. Josh fires her the next day.

Arthur comes to Margot’s door and attacks Ryan; Margot’s in the next room with headphones on. He then kidnaps both of them. Arthur’s videos are getting a lot of press and people are copycatting them. Margot gets loose, but Ryan gets decapitated.

Samantha also escapes, but Arthur shoots and recaptures her. Margot hears the shooting as she gathers digital evidence inside the house. Which saves her from a bullet when she escapes and now has a hole in it. She runs away and calls the police; she leads them right to Arthur’s house. Arthur, in the meantime, calls the police and reports Margot for trespassing. Arthur says she does this all the time, and Margot gets so upset that they arrest her.

Arthur knows Margot has his hard drive, and he texts her to return it or Drew and Samantha will die. She returns to him, but doesn’t take the drive, which he doesn’t know was destroyed. He talks about how famous his videos have become. “People love remakes.”

Arthur shows Margot Drew and Samantha’s cut-up corpses; he’s already killed them. He gives her a needle and forces her to inject herself. Margot, on the other hand, has a hidden knife, and she uses it on him repeatedly.

Margot records a video where she explains who Arthur is. She uploads her video of his confession and laughs as Arthur dies.

Brian’s Commentary

Are all horror films about filmmakers or influencers now?

It’s a neat idea using the old film as a template for murder, but the characters here are all annoying stereotypes.

It was a good attempt, but no, I didn’t like it.

Kevin’s Commentary

The 1978 “Faces of Death” was a mix of real death and violence along with realistic staged segments, so it’s interesting to play on that with Margot not being able to tell if the scenes she’s seeing are real or not. And others not knowing.

Narcan doesn’t work before you take drugs, like it did for Margot in the movie knowing Arthur was going to sedate her. Other than that point which I had an issue with, I really liked it a lot.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Send Help

• Directed by: Sam Raimi

• Written by: Damian Shannon and Mark Swift

• Stars: Rachel McAdams, Dylan O’Brien, Edyll Ismail, Xavier Samuel, Chris Pang, and Dennis Haysbert

• Run Time: 113 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When an employee and the company president are stranded on a tropical island after a plane crash, the boss has to rely on his underling to survive. But things get more complicated and interesting as time goes on. It’s really a good mix of drama, thrills, dark comedy, and horror. It was really good, and there was more to it than we expected.

Spoilery Synopsis

Linda goes to the office and sits in her stereotypical cubicle. Her boss, Donovan, takes her detailed report and takes credit for the whole thing. Linda’s not very popular in the office, maybe a little weird.

Linda thinks she’s next in line for VP when Bradley takes over for his father soon. As she explains things to her pet parrot, we see she has lots of survivor skill books on her shelf; and she’s a big fan of the TV show, “Survivor.”

The next day, Bradley and Donovan get promoted, and Linda gets her lunch on Bradley, who decides to fire her. Donovan gets the job Linda was expecting. She goes in to talk to Bradley about it, and he explains how she’s not ready for a VP yet; he needs more of a “People Person,” or someone who golfs. He’s not super-mean about it, and invites her to a meeting in another country that’s coming up. Linda meets Zuri, Preston’s fiancee. She goes out to the car to cry.

The group boards the private jet and talks about golf, while Linda continues working on her reports. They watch Linda’s audition for “Survivor” and laugh about that. Suddenly, the plane lurches, and everyone straps in.

Then it does a lot more than lurch as the whole plane comes apart. There’s a brutal struggle to see who’s going to be thrown out the hole, and then the plane crashes in the ocean.

Linda wakes up on the beach of a small island. She then finds Bradley passed out there as well. While he’s still unconscious, she uses her “Survivor” skills to make shelter and catch water. Bradley wakes up a day and a half later.

Linda makes fire, collects food and water, and sets up a camp, but he’s not appreciative. He’s her boss after all. She gets fed up with his crap and leaves him by himself, with no food or water. By the next day, he’s screaming for her help.

Linda eventually comes back, and now she wants to hunt a boar. That doesn’t go as well as she expected, but she does kill the boar. It’s a bloody mess. They have pig for dinner.

Linda spots a boat and runs to wave at it, but then stops. “Not yet.” Yes, she likes it here. Bradley whines about being here for two weeks, but Linda’s not whining, “It’s not that bad.”

Bradley still thinks he’s the boss, and he can do all the things she can. He can’t. He’s soon down to eating bugs. Linda’s got all kinds of food, and she doesn’t hide the fact. He ends up apologizing for everything. The power dynamic has clearly shifted. They make a sorta-ceasefire.

She leads him way up onto the mountain, but he can barely walk. She shows him a part of the island that’s totally covered in vines and that he should never go over there.

That night, they get drunk, and Linda talks about how her husband died. There’s a huge storm, and they end up hiding in a cave. Their camp is washed away, so they rebuild a new one together.

Bradley makes dinner for them, and Linda falls over; he drugged her with poison berries. He’s secretly built a raft and stolen some of her supplies. The raft quickly falls apart in the waves. Somehow, Linda rescues Bradley, while puking on him repeatedly.

Linda sets down some new rules. She drugs him right back with a poisonous octopus. Then she pulls out a knife and makes him a eunuch. No, not really, but she could have.

A boat pulls up, Zuri, Bradley’s fiancee, is on board. She’s continued searching even after everyone else has stopped. It’s just her and a boat captain, so Linda shows them a “short cut” over the mountain. Zuri falls, but we don’t see exactly what happens to the two newcomers. Linda returns to their camp alone.

That night, Zuri washes up on shore, still alive, and Linda freaks out. Zuri’s not real, just a nightmare. In the morning, Bradley finds Zuri buried on the beach, her huge diamond ring still showing.

When confronted, Linda says she slipped; it was an accident. He’s not buying that and chases her into the jungle with the stolen knife. They fight, and it’s not a play fight; there’s lots of biting and hair-pulling. He pokes her in the eye, and she swallows the engagement ring.

Bradley runs to the part of the island where Linda told him to never go. Turns out, there’s a huge house over there. Linda’s there, and she explains how she already got rid of all the knives except for hers. She’s watching him on the security cameras. She admits how she’s been coming to the house for quite some time. We get a flashback to what happened with Zuri - the boat captain was about to haul her up, but Linda gave him a shove.

Bradley begs for his life when she comes in with a shotgun. “I’ve changed!” he begs. He promises to live here on the island with her forever. He’s lying, of course, and they fight some more. Linda plays golf with Bradley’s head.

We cut to Linda, now being interviewed about her ordeal in the plane crash a year ago. They’re making a movie about her ordeal, and she’s famous now.

Brian’s Commentary

A CEO of a major corporation’s airplane crashes in the ocean within sight of an island, and there wasn’t any effort to search? They couldn’t have been that far off course.

For a long time, it looked like they would be rescued, Bradley would recognize Linda’s competence, and give her the promotion. That’s not the way it went at all. It eventually went “full Misery.”

Kevin’s Commentary

This reminded me a bit of “Castaway” meets “Misery.” Trivia also mentions similarities to “Triangle of Sadness,” which I have not seen.

It was well done as it builds, and we get to see how far Linda would go.

There was much more to it than I expected, and I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. It was great.

2026 Do Not Enter

• Director: Marc Klasfeld

• Writers: Dikega Hadnot, Spencer Mandel, David Morell

• Stars: Adeline Rudolph, Nicholas Hamilton, Jake Manley

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

• Trailer (YouTube):

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

As you might guess, they do enter. A group of urban explorer online fame wanna-bes break into a huge abandoned hotel seeking views and hidden treasure. They run into a competing group and they all run into supernatural troubles. It’s not stupendous, but it’s pretty good and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a woman crawling slowly down a hallway and then credits roll. We see old newspaper clippings of gangsters, hotels, and murders.

We cut to Diane, Rick, Cora, JD, and Vern as they do their video show about… subways? No, they’re just disguised as subway workers to sneak equipment aboard the train which allows them to jump off and break into a place to admire graffiti. JD steals a piece of the wall, which enrages Rick, who fires JD for “going against our code.” We then see the video and learn that they’re all “urban explorers.”

Only 82 people watch their video. What can they do to boost views? They want to explore the Paragon next. That’s where gangster Meyer Lansky stashed his millions, and anyone who has ever gone looking for it has gone missing. They notice that JD has started his own channel, and he’s got way more views than they do.

Ballenger, with VICE News, comes to the motel to accompany them to the abandoned hotel. Cora vouches for the guy, but he looks more gangster than journalist. They all soon arrive at the Paragon, and there’s a big “Do Not Enter” on the old place. The only way in is by crawling through the sewers. There are trillions of rats, all running past them (away from something?).

Diane gets separated from the others and runs into something creepy. Cora and Ballenger talk about the group so we know what everyone’s job is. Vern, the photographer, finds weird bloody claw marks on the walls. Rick steps into a bear trap, and it’s pretty nasty. Still, he doesn’t want to leave without Diane, who they still haven’t found.

The group comes to a tree, and hanging from the branches are cell phones, cameras, and other things that clearly aren’t old-timey. Rick spots Diane’s phone there, and now they know something happened to her. Rick decides that they don’t have time to call the police.

JD’s gang shows up, with guns, and takes the group hostage. Tod’s the leader, and he’s more extreme than even JD expects. Ballenger admits that he’s not a reporter, he’s here to look for his wife, who went missing here a few months ago. Tod throws Rick over the stairway, and the fall looks bottomless. Rick, however, had the plans to the motel, so they have to go find him.

They run into Beth, the photographer who was with Amanda, Ballenger’s wife. “He’s coming. We’re all gonna die,” she whispers. JD is killed in the dark and something attacks the group, who start shooting. Beth is accidentally shot.

Meanwhile, Diane, who is not dead, wakes up in a room full of candles and a big pentagram. Cora finds Rick, who isn’t dead either, but knows something is coming for them. The skinny white creature comes after them, and he’s really strong. Cora runs to an elevator, which has power apparently and escapes to a security room full of monitors. She sees the room Diane is in on one of them.

Cora finds videotapes and Diane finds a book, and between the two, we get some idea of the Satanic stuff that’s been happening here. Tod and Mack find the manager’s office with some bodies and a huge pile of cash, but they don’t live long afterward.

Frank drops an elevator car on the white creature, so it must all be over, right? Frank finds Amanda’s phone, and not long after, her corpse, with heart removed.

Frank, Cora, and Vern get together in the security room and decide to find Diane. They see her on the monitor and head that direction. Then they see the creature on the screen, totally not dead.

Diane, in the meantime, has put on a wedding dress to become the bride of the creature. She smacks him in the head and runs away, where Frank tackles him; they both fall a dozen stories. Frank dies, and the creature is impaled on the “phone tree.”

Diane then finds Rick, who for some reason still isn’t dead yet. We get headlines that Lansky’s millions were found. Their video has hundreds of millions of views. Rick surprises everyone by showing them a bagful of money; he’s given up “the code.”

Brian’s Commentary

The hotel is full of sculptures, ornaments, and looks intact inside after being closed for decades (on the NJ shoreline as well). In all those years, no developer wanted that real estate? The creature is well done, but nothing outstanding. The sets are really good, although it’s more like a mall than a hotel.

The acting was fine. It had a few surprises. Nothing outstanding, but I was entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

At first I was thinking it was a “Hills Have Eyes” situation set in an abandoned hotel, but it was quickly clear that wasn’t correct.

A fundamental flaw, it’s a huge building of prime shoreline real estate, full of salvageable decor, fixtures, and art. It’s a stretch to think that it’s just been sitting there for decades. Plus it seems to be fairly well known that there’s possibly hundreds of millions of dollars hidden in there somewhere. Supposedly everyone who goes in there is never heard from again, or something like that, but that wouldn’t hold up in the real world - action would be taken. But I suppose the dark forces were keeping things the way they were. I had a hard time buying into it.

All things considered though, the cast is good, all the technical aspects are good, the suspense was good. I’d call it a win overall.

2023 Malibu Horror Story

• Director: Scott Slone

• Writer: Scott Slone

• Stars: Dylan Sprayberry, Robert Bailey Jr., Valentina de Angelis, Rebecca Forsythe, and Tommy Cramer

• Runtime: 85 minutes

• Trailer (YouTube):

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A quartet of paranormal investigating filmmakers look into the footage and clues regarding a quartet of guys who vanished without explanation. They do indeed find out what happened to the four guys. It’s sort of found footage within a movie and well put together. The build, tension, and effects are all good. We both thought it was all right, Kevin more so than Brian.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a bunch of people camping in a cave and making a documentary about ghosts. They have a “ghost communication” device. Ashley lights a candle and starts talking to spirits. Something happens, and the camera sorta-kinda sees something. Josh, Matt, Ashley, and Jess celebrate. Jess shows Josh the footage they’ve already got which doubles as some exposition for us. Four local teenagers went missing in these same caves. Josh found video footage from the teens’ misadventure. Meta-credits roll.

Jake, Carlos, Tyler, and Carter got into a van in 2012 and were never seen again. We get news footage and interviews with their families from ten years ago. Eventually, the police gave up until the van and a video camera were found in the hills. We watch some of their video as the teens party. People were not pleased with the drunken, drugged-up teens and everyone stopped caring that they had never been found.

We’re told that the area where the boys went missing was Indian territory, so there could be all kinds of weirdness there. They did, in fact, find some burial plots. Then they found a cave and went right inside, completely unequipped to do so. They all talk about portals to “other worlds” like the ones in this cave. We then hear about how Jake’s great-grandfather murdered a bunch of Indians that wouldn’t leave his land– he buried them in one of the caves.

Carlos sneaks some of the muffins out of Jake’s bag and unknowingly eats a triple-dose of shrooms. Carlos starts seeing weird things, probably hallucinating. Jakes explains that his grandparents went missing, and they just found the skulls. Could the whole family be cursed? They follow Carlos into a cave, and that’s where the footage stops.

Ashley, Josh, and their group explains a little more about apparitions that appeared in the found footage. Their group is now camped out in the same cave. Jess manages to uncorrupt some additional old footage, and we see what was living in the cave. Carlos was possessed by an Indian demon, a skinwalker. The thing grabs Carter and drags him back into the caves while the others follow. It goes badly for the others, too.

Ashley warns that it’ll get really bad if it possesses one of them, and they did invite it in with the candle ritual earlier. They all start packing up, but it’s too late. All their ghost-hunting equipment starts signaling, and it gets weird inside the cave. Ashley is dragged off by something invisible. Matt goes off looking for her and disappears as well.

Matt gets possessed and starts crawling after Josh as Ashley and Jess search the caves. There’s a lot of wandering around in the dark. The two girls then look for an exit after narrowly avoiding the creature. None of them make it out alive but the cameras record everything…

Brian’s Commentary

About half the film is the documentary explaining what happened with Jake’s group, and the rest is about Josh’s group ten years later. The creature is well-made and looks good, but it relies way too much on loud jump scares to make it creepy. The cave is surprisingly clean, with wide hallways and perfectly level floors.

It was OK as a found footage, but not great.

Kevin’s Commentary

Even not being an expert, I can see it’s a generic mishmash of Native American history and lore, but it gets the job done for the story.

It seemed familiar at a lot of points and in a lot of ways, but it’s well put together. It’s a little on the bland side, but I’d call it a win for entertainment.

2023 Baby Blue

• Directed by: Adam Mason

• Written by: Simon Boyes, Adam Mason

• Stars: Aramis Knight, Ally Loannides, Cyrus Arnold

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of young people attempt a true crime documentary about the deceased serial killer Baby Blue who might still be continuing his work from beyond the grave. There were a lot of elements that we’ve seen before, but it’s well put together with a lot of interesting touches that kept it interesting enough to entertain. We both enjoyed it and would recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Laura, in an interrogation room, being questioned for murder. “He made me do it.” Who? “Blue!” She’s possessed by Baby Blue and starts singing there in the interrogation room. She then kills herself with a pencil. Credits roll.

Three half-siblings argue about the merit of making bad prank videos. August, Alice, and J.J. all seem to hate what they’re doing, but they put on the gorilla suit and start filming. Their manager, Mo, hates it; it’s not cutting edge. He wants them to do “true crime” instead. He then fires the group. Alice thinks of doing a film about The Redmont, a place with a lot of deaths. She shows them a video of a man named Kelvin being attacked in an elevator by something invisible and then jumping off the roof. It’s a supernatural true crime, and they decide to investigate.

They stop to talk to Joy, the last person to see Kelvin Jones alive. She warns them that they’re all going to die if they keep investigating. Baby Blue will kill them all; he was the first victim of the Redmont. They go to the Redmont and meet the manager, Bud. The power to the apartment has been shut off, so it’s all dark and creepy– and there are rats.

As April, JJ, and Hutch keep the property manager busy in Kelvin’s apartment, August goes up to the roof. JJ finds a bloody cellphone that used to belong to Kelvin, and upstairs, August hears someone singing a song. Everything that happened to Kelvin now happens to August– but he doesn’t die.

The group goes home and opens Kelvin’s phone. It’s got a video from Kelvin on it, saying that this is really Baby Blue’s phone, and it’s cursed. He warns them not to watch the other video on the phone, which cannot be deleted. Can an iPhone video really be cursed? JJ wants to watch it, but the others aren’t so sure. They toss the phone.

Hutch, on the other hand, digs out the phone and makes his own video with August. We don’t see much of the video, but it seems to involve cannibalism. Hutch then throws the phone into the ocean. They wonder if they’re cursed now.

They are.

Baby Blue comes to Hutch that night, and they have a conversation before Hutch cuts his own throat.

In the morning, JJ has done more research, and they learn there have been many more Baby Blue suicides. August, meanwhile, is freaking out because he knows he watched the video. They interview Manos Sloane about one of the deaths. He sold the phone to Kelvin after his son David bought it.

David lives in the dark basement, strapped to a table to keep him from killing himself. David tells his story; Baby Blue got inside his head. “He goes inside you until he’s in control. He slaughtered over 30 people when he was alive. How many more since he died?” They set up remote cameras to watch over David that night when Baby Blue comes to him. August admits he watched the video, and he’s terrified.

They go to see Ellen, a psychic, to help. She touches the cursed phone and immediately gets taken over. She’s a hoot. She suggests returning the cursed phone to its owner, and maybe the spirit will rest then.

They take August to a motel, tie him up, and gag him for his own safety. “We shoulda done that years ago,” JJ quips. JJ and Alice snoop and find out where Baby Blue lived with his mother and sister. Mama Blue and Sadie Blue still live in the old house in the country, and they invite the siblings inside. Mama says her son didn’t do anything wrong, since all his victims were sinners. Mama explains that she buried Blue’s ashes in the backyard, but she also drugged their drinks, which turned out to be breast milk.

Meanwhile, Baby Blue and August have an all-day conversation.

JJ wakes up chained to a bed with a pacifier as Mama sings the Baby Blue song as she milks herself. In the basement, Sadie makes Alice watch the cursed video of Blue’s suicide. Sadie relents and lets Alice go, and she runs right outside to bury the iPhone. Sadie then kills Mama and releases JJ.

Before she can bury the phone, Baby Blue possesses Alice, who hangs herself. Surprisingly, back at the motel, August puts up quite a resistance to Blue. Blue then comes to JJ and taunts him, but JJ never actually watched the video. JJ drops the phone into Blue’s grave. Blue puffs into a cloud of red flame. And suddenly, Alice wakes up.

In the morning, Alice and JJ return to find August in the motel, bloody but alive. The group then finds the suicide tape online, and now everyone can see it. August admits it was him.

Brian’s Commentary

There are lots of weird little visual details that you have to be paying attention to notice, which add some fun depth to this.

Milk is disgusting, no matter what it comes out of.

There are lots of cameras, and the characters are filmmakers, but it’s not a found footage film. Overall, it’s not bad!

Kevin’s Commentary

The IMDB description refers to the gang who are clearly in their 20s as teenagers, but at least they don’t play that up and aren’t shown going to high school.

If you watch closely, you can see that JJ doesn’t believe in stop signs when he drives.

Little details like smoke coming out of the back of Baby Blue’s head when he was having a cigarette was a nice touch too. Plus it’s a movie that will make you want to have a nice glass of milk afterward.

I thought it was really good.

1992 Lawnmower Man

• Directed by: Brett Leonard

• Written by: Stephen King, Brett Leonard, Gimel Everett

• Stars: Jeff Fahey, Pierce Brosnan, Jenny Wright

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 48 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A simple-minded guy becomes an experimental subject, which greatly increases his intelligence. And psychic abilities. And cyberspace mastery. The story is cool, but the computer graphics were more ambitious than the technology of the time allowed - they are basic by today’s standards. It holds up pretty well for entertainment, heavy on science fiction, but not so much on computer visuals.

Spoilery Synopsis

We are told that by the turn of the millennium, a new technology, VIRTUAL REALITY, will allow people to enter computer generated artificial worlds. It may be a new form of mind control…

At Virtual Space Industries, Larry Angelo talks about his artificially intelligent ape. He’s a great warrior in the battle simulations. We then see the ape inside the VR system, which rolls and tilts as the ape sees a “realistic” world inside. Credits roll.

Later, the ape picks the lock on his cage and escapes– straight to the VR lab, which he activates. The ape shoots a guard with his own, real gun. The security team is sent to track the ape, which they soon do.

Dr. Angelo tries to watch TV, but there’s nothing on but war. Timms his boss calls Smith about the ape, which is only doing what they trained it to.

We cut to a nearby church, where Jobe, the gardner, whistles at birds. The wounded ape approaches him and determines that he’s not a threat. Jobe hides the ape in his shed from the helicopters. Jobe introduces himself as the Lawnmower Man because he can fix things like lawn mowers. Jobe thinks the ape is Cyboman from a comic book. The priest spots them and calls Timms, who brings in the troops. Jobe is very not-smart and doesn’t really know what’s going on.

Despite Angelo’s screams, the soldiers shoot the ape repeatedly, killing it this time. They want to take Jobe in for questioning, but father McKeen says Jobe has the mind of a child. Jobe’s been a ward of the church since he was a kid, and Father McKeen has no problem using the belt on him. After his beating, Jobe gets to work repairing his special new mower, Big Red.

Father McKeen’s brother, Terry, runs the landscaping business that employs Jobe.

Angelo wants to quit, but Timms warns him that might not be a healthy thing to do. He wants to evolve the human mind and believes that VR is the way to do that. The director of the company wants Angelo returned to work.

Angelo, in the meantime, does VR stuff at home. His wife does not approve of his “hobby” and they argue. After, Angelo notices Jobe outside cutting the lawn and thinks he’s probably smarter than a chimp, so why not use him?

Angelo hooks Jobe up to the computer and shows him how to make it work. The game is a little intense for Jobe, but Peter, the boy next door, says he’ll get used to them. Angelo says he has a game that might be able to make Jobe smarter, and Jobe’s willing to try.

Angelo gives Jobe a shot or experimental chemicals, and then the psychedelic game begins. Meanwhile, Angelo is modifying Jobe’s brain by stimulating certain areas.

Fairly quickly, Jobe starts to change. He notices the sexy neighbor lady, and he’s never done that before. He gets smarter and smarter, but he also occasionally has seizures. Jobe realizes that Father McKeen isn’t such a nice guy after all. Soon, Jobe is beating Peter at all the games. Angelo reports everything to Timms, who says he’ll hold off letting the big boss know about what’s going on.

Jobe stands up for himself against the evil priest. He buys some new clothes and gets a haircut, and now the neighbor lady notices him. She wants her lawn mowed now.

Angelo can’t work from home anymore, so he starts taking Jobe to his big lab in the secret base on the mountain. The VR machines there are far more elaborate, and Jobe can’t wait. Angelo turns the juice way up, and soon, Jobe can read minds, like the neighbor lady, Marnie, which leads to sex.

Angelo realizes that Jobe’s smart, but not educated, so he uses VR to teach him pretty much everything in one afternoon. Angelo says no one can learn that quickly, but it’s true. Jobe admits that he can read minds now, and he doesn’t like it. Jobe’s abilities keep growing, even without the treatments.

The company Director wants Timms to switch out the drug for the one that they used on the ape– to make him a warrior. Timms doesn’t tell Angelo, he just switches bottles.

The next day, Jobe has an unexpected seizure, but Angelo doesn’t figure out why. Jobe can now move things with his mind.

Jobe takes his new girlfriend, Marnie, to the VR lab and wires her up. Things get carried away, and she winds up brain damaged. Angelo says Jobe is moving too fast, it’s unnatural. Jobe knows he’s smarter than Angelo now, and he’s not willing to stop the treatments.

Timms and Angelo fly out to see the Director, who spills the beans about the military drugs, which Angelo says is going to lead to unpredictable results. They want Jobe to meet the Director. Meanwhile, back at the lab, Jobe takes all the drugs and upgrades himself.

Jobe pays Father McKeen a visit and sets him on fire using telekinesis. Jake, the town jerk, also gets his due; Jobe uses his mind powers to put the Lawnmower Man in Jake’s head. Peter’s abusive father is next on the list; Big Red the lawnmower eats him.

Angelo returns home from the meeting the next day and finds the neighborhood in a bit of a mess. Angelo’s wife is now completely on Jobe’s side and pretty vacuous; she’s been changed into someone resembling a Stepford Wife. Angelo knows exactly what happened.

Jobe raves that he’s become one with the virtual world and wants to fix the whole planet. He plans to merge with all technology and make all the phones ring as a signal when it happens. Angelo thinks Jobe has had a psychotic break, but there’s nothing he can do.

Jobe mentally calls Terry for a ride to VSL, where an army of security guys wait for him. Jobe unleashes a swarm of digital bees to take care of them. The security chief shoots and kills Terry, which really gets Jobe in a mood.

Angelo shows up at VSL, and he’s got bombs, a gun, and apparently thinks he’s James Bond now. He plants bombs all over the place. Meanwhile, Jobe’s body shrivels as he enters the computer world permanently. Except he didn’t know that Timms and company already cut the computer off from the outside world. Unless he can find a way out, Jobe is going to be trapped in there and die for real when the bombs go off. And he lost his telekinesis over the real world now.

As Angelo and Jobe battle inside the computer, Peter sneaks inside and is at risk of dying from the bombs. Jobe releases Angelo to save Peter, but he’s still trapped inside the mainframe. As the bombs start going off, Jobe works furiously at the combination to escape. He gets out just in time.

Angelo vows to keep working on the VR project. He, Peter, and Peter’s mom leave town just as every phone in the world rings at the same time…

Brian’s Commentary

I assume Angelo’s going to be facing severe legal issues after destroying the whole VSL company.

I remember the effects being pretty good back in 1992, but they’re laughably dated today. I also didn’t remember it being this long, but then we were watching the extended director’s cut, which I probably hadn’t seen before.

It’s been 34 years, and VR still isn’t really a thing. It’s a pretty good story, but it may be the single worst adaptation of a book ever, having nothing in common with the Stephen King story other than the name.

Kevin’s Commentary

It has very little to do with the Stephen King short story by the same name. New Line Cinema obtained the rights to the story, and they had a script ready to go called “Cyber God.” They slapped Stephen King’s name and title on the script and made it happen. Much to Stephen King’s displeasure who sued and ended up with quite a bit of money from it.

It’s also said in the trivia that a team of 7 people spend 8 months and $500,000.00 on 8 minutes of cyberspace effects in the movie. And they don’t hold up well. I thought the movie overall does hold up. It’s dated, but entertaining.

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2026 They Will Kill You

• Director: Kirill Sokolov

• Writers: Kirill Sokolov, Alex J. Litvak, Dan Berk, Robert Olsen

• Stars: Zazie Beetz, Patricia Arquette, Myha’la

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A woman hires on as a maid in a luxury high-rise in New York and quickly finds out that everything there is not normal. And things get wilder from there. This is a good one to go into as blind as you can if possible. There is much unexpected. It’s well put together, heavy on practical effects and sets, with a strong cast and Zazie Beetz excellent in the lead.

Spoilery Synopsis

Two sisters are on the run from an abusive father, and hide in a convenience store, but they soon get caught. Asia shoots her father in the parking lot just as the police arrive. Asia runs off, but Maria is caught.

Ten years later, Asia comes to Lily Woodhouse under a different name; she’s the new maid. It’s a very high-security building. Asia meets Sharon and the other residents. There are a lot of maids in this place as well as Ray, Lily’s weird husband. Credits roll.

Right away, Asia notices something weird in the vents. And in the hallway. We see that her room isn’t as secure as she thinks it is, as a pig-man sneaks in and licks her toes as she sleeps. He knocks out Asia and lets in the others, the residents, all wearing pig masks. The cultists, or whatever they are, aren’t very good at this, and Asia came heavily armed. She decapitates one of them, shoots another, and uses various ninja skills to take out the rest. Lily walks up and says that was pretty impressive. More credits roll.

Asia tells Lily about abandoning her sister, who went home with her father, who survived. Asia spent time in prison and learned to fight there. She hired a PI to find her sister, who went missing in this very hotel.

Lily says she also has an unusual family with unusual needs. All the dead cultists then get back up and collect their missing body parts– even the headless guy. Soon, Asia’s on the run from everyone yet again. The baddies need her alive for some reason, and the hotel has quite a maze of (well-lit) secret tunnels.

Ray’s down in the tunnels as well, and he helps Asia hide. He explains about the Virgil Hotel, a temple to Satan. Their ancestors made a deal: immortality for human sacrifices. Literally nothing can kill these guys as long as a single piece of them remains. The only way they can die is if their names are removed from the devil’s list. As they crawl through the tunnels, Sharon’s eyeball follows them.

Ray takes Asia to Maria, her now-grown sister. Maria explains that she got a job at the Virgil and went through all the ordeals but then was invited to join them instead of being a sacrifice. Yeah, she’s on the list now, and she doesn’t want to leave.

There’s a lot more running and fighting as Asia tries to find a way out of the building, but the cultists have a huge number of followers who are all in on it.

Lily and the others finally corner Asia and tell her what Marie did to earn her place here– nothing yet. Asia (or Isobel, the woman she replaced) was supposed to be the sacrifice she needed to survive.

The whole group goes downstairs to see Satan, who looks like a talking pig head on a stick. The pig erases Ray’s name from the list, which is written on his head. He tells Lily to kill Ray, which she does. He then tells Maria to write her name on his head and then kill Asia.

Marie writes a name and then kills herself; the name she wrote was Asia’s, who is now immortal. Her wounds now heal instantly. Time for more fighting, but amped up a notch!

During the battle, the pig head climbs on top of Lily and uses her body as his own. The battle is crazy, but Asia ends up removing all the names from the pig’s head, killing all the main baddies permanently and turning all the other residents of the hotel mortal again.

Asia takes her sister’s body and goes outside, where the P.I. is waiting with a car. Asia, it turns out, had written Marie’s name on the pig skin before killing it; Marie revives. The P.I. is very confused.

Brian’s Commentary

This is hilarious; the fight scenes and choreography alone are worth the watch. The fights are so incredibly over the top as to make the whole film.

This was a lot of fun, easily my favorite of the week.

Kevin’s Commentary

I went into this blind, and I was quite surprised by the surprises. I’m glad I hadn’t heard anything about this ahead of time. There were elements that reminded us of “Ready or Not” and the sequel, which we’ve reviewed as well.

The violence is so over the top it crosses over into humor. I thought it was great.

2026 We’re Not Safe Here

• Directed by: Solomon Gray

• Written by: Solomon Gray

• Stars: Hayley McFarland, Sharmita Bhattacharya, Margaret Wuertz

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 33 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two women get together late at night, and one of them tells scary stories. After far too long a period of talk and minor jump scares, things get a little real - maybe. The acting and all the technical aspects are good. But we both thought it was pretty drawn out and dull.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see shots of someone with a bloody pillowcase over their head as credits roll.

Sarah and Neeta talk about Neeta’s artist block. Later, Rachel calls and wants to come over. Rachel sees several men in bloody pillowcases banging on her car. “We’re all around you,” one says.

Rachel arrives and admires Neeta’s many paintings. She explains about her “dreams” that keep her up at night. This has been going on since she was little.

Rachel tells about her childhood friend, Lily, who told her a story about a little girl fifty years ago, who put a pillowcase over her mother’s head and killed her. The girl claimed her friend in the closet made her do it. Lily also said her dead grandma told her the story. Lily then rode her bicycle to the house where the little girl did the killing.

Rachel stops the story, thinking she’s hearing someone else in the house. There’s no one there.

Anyway, back to Rachel’s childhood story. Lily walked into the abandoned house, and Rachel went with her. They found a photograph of themselves, except Lily had a pillowcase over her head.

Rachel goes to the bathroom and sees someone with a pillowcase inside. This one removes the covering, and the woman inside is a real mess.

Rachel comes out and continues her apparently neverending story. She and Lily opened the closet in the abandoned house, and they saw something. They rode back home in a hurry, but that night, Lily and her mother just vanished, never to be seen again.

Rachel still thinks she hears something inside the house. She pulls out her diary, where she’s been making notes about the weird stuff she’s seen.

Neeta interrupts to tell her nightmare story about a siren. Rachel ignores that and continues with her story. She grew up, and the weirdness all went away– until it came back. Upset, both women turn in for the night, but Neeta takes a weapon with her just in case Rachel’s as crazy as she seems.

Nope– Rachel comes into Neeta’s bedroom and goes on with the interminable tale. She talks about how the visions eventually returned, and why she needed to tell the story.

Neeta hears the siren from her own story as someone else appears in the room. Neeta screams and freaks out but then realizes she’s alone in the silent room and Rachel’s asleep in her own room.

Neeta sneaks out and goes to the address from Rachel’s diary. Rachel, in the meantime, wakes up and deals with her own nightmares. Across town, Neeta explores the empty old house from Rachel’s diary and story. She finds a closet with a photo of her and Rachel. She gets scared and runs back to her car.

In the morning, Neeta wakes up tied to a chair and hears voices. “Fear is the path to grace. That’s what led you to us,” says an old woman, who puts a pillowcase over Neeta’s head. Nope– just a dream, maybe.

Neeta goes home, and Rachel knows what she’s done. Neeta now sees the pillowcase-head people outside. Neeta looks again at the photo she found, and it’s different now. It’s Neeta’s demon now, and Rachel is free.

Ten months later, Neeta goes to Sarah’s house and wants to tell her a story…

Brian’s Commentary

Rachel’s story about Lily takes most of the film’s run time. It’s like listening to someone telling a ghost story around the campfire. This is pretty cool in theory, but it goes on for far too long. It’s like a “creepypasta” stretched out for an hour and a half.

The set is very interesting, and the acting is fine, but it just takes way too long for anything to actually happen. Something beyond just jump scares between the quiet bits.

I thought it was pretty dull, but it might be good to watch in a dark room all by yourself some night.

Kevin’s Commentary

I turned on my iPad during viewing and a game being played on there was much more entertaining than this movie. Most of the strangeness just seemed like mental illness, distorted memories, stress, fatigue, and nightmares - which can be a sort of horror in itself. Things did get real and sort of explained at the very end, but by then I didn’t care much anymore.

It’s well made, and the acting is good, but it didn’t hold my interest.

2026 Touch Me

• Directed by: Addison Heimann

• Written by: Addison Heimann

• Stars: Olivia Taylor Dudley, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jordan Gavaris

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two best friends find their friendship put to the test when they both fall for an alien lover. It’s very funny, very weird, and beautifully filmed with an excellent script. Plus there are plenty of horror elements. The trailer doesn’t do it justice, and we were both pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Joey cleans her ear with a Q-Tip, and it comes out bloody. We then cut to her in therapy where she tells a story about meeting an alien in a bar last night. He had a whole story about seeds and saving the Earth from climate change. He touched her with his tentacle as well and then they had sex under glowing trees. There were many tentacles. It’s quite a long and convoluted story. Credits roll.

Joey then goes home to Craig, her gay bestie who lets her live with him. She sees Brian, the alien, in the coffee shop the next day, and he says he misses her. Or is she imagining him?

Due to a bathroom disaster, Joey has to get a job. She tries at the local convenience store. They whine about their financial situation and consider themselves “trash pandas.” Craig accidentally watches Joey’s alien sex tape.

Brian invites Joey and Craig to his house for the weekend. Yeah, he’s an alien, but he was good at sex, so she wants to go back. It’s quite a house. They meet Brian and Laura, the housekeeper. Brian admits again that he’s an alien and demonstrates to Craig. He explains that he’s allergic to sugar-free lemonade powder. He’s also really into shirtless dancing.

Brian shows them his chrysalis. It requires a sad story and a blood sacrifice. They tell their stories and crystal begins to glow and then knocks them all out.

Laura doesn’t like Joey and makes that very clear. Everyone has a story, and Brian tells his. Afterward, he and Joey have sex again, and this time, we see the tentacles. Very shortly afterward, He does the same with Craig. Laura watches the whole thing on a remote screen while touching herself..

In the morning, both Joey and Craig feel really good. They split up for more “therapy.” Joey tells the crystal about being sexually assaulted as a teenager.

We get a flashback to three days ago, where Noah texts Brian and hooks up. Noah drives to Brian’s house and is quickly taken prisoner and locked in a cage. Back in the present, Noah’s head explodes and makes a real mess. Brian says to Laura that he thought Noah might be “compatible.” Joey sees all this on the security cameras.

Laura is jealous that Brian won’t use his lubricated appendages on her, but Brian refuses.

Joey tells Craig what Brian has been doing to Noah, but even so, neither of them really wants to leave. They know Brian’s been murdering people, but the sex is soooo good.

Everyone stays, and dinner is awkward. Joey turns against Craig, who soon winds up in a cell. When Brian admits he wants to eat Craig, Joey is fine with that.

Laura knocks out Joey and tells her that Brian has already eaten Craig’s left hand. Brian knows all about Laura, but he has a plan to deal with her. Laura then stabs Brian in the back with lemonade powder, and his outer form melts. Laura finally gets what she wants, more or less. Brian recovers, but Laura doesn’t.

Brian thinks Joey was involved with Laura and puts her in a cell as well, right next to Craig, who is no longer as supportive as he once was.

That night, Brian eats Joey’s hand, but then it turns out to not really be Brian, but one of his glowing trees.

The three sit around the magic crystal for another round of admitting how terrible they all are. This goes badly for Brian, as Joey and Craig have this all planned out.

Craig’s got something growing inside him, and he asks Joey to cut it out– which she does. And kills Brian’s offspring. Brian shows up in his full tentacled form and clears the air for his two prisoners. Until they douse him with lemonade powder and he explodes.

Craig’s got a big hole in his stomach, falls down, and dies.

We cut to Joey, back in therapy, telling the story. The therapist has many questions. She remembers that Brian’s alien trees spit out clones. And ends with her saying “Kill” while interacting with her Duolingo app.

Brian’s Commentary

Are YOU ready for some cross-species intercourse?

There are numerous monologues and long stories told, which sounds like it ought to be boring, but it’s not. The cinematography is very interesting, with lots of cool shots and effects.

I liked this one. It’s got a good mix of humor, grossness, and weird ideas. It’s a winner!

Kevin’s Commentary

I wasn’t expecting to like this as much as I did. I thoroughly enjoyed it and chuckled many times. It’s weird and keeps your attention throughout. The script, effects, and cinematography are all excellent. I’d call it a winner.

2026 The Yeti

• Directed by: Gene Gallerano, William Pisciotta

• Written by: Gene Gallerano, William Pisciotta

• Stars: Brittany Allen, Eric Nelsen, Jim Cummings, William Sadler, Corbin Bernsen

• Run Time: 93 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a group vanishes in the wilds of 1947 Alaska, a rescue party of eclectic and eccentric characters is sent on a rescue mission. The reason they disappeared, as you might guess from the title and poster, is a Yeti on the rampage. It has the look of studio work on sets and a lack of cold temperatures, but the effects are good with a strong cast. Still, things didn’t really come together. It felt like a missed opportunity that should have been better than it was.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s 1947 in the Alaskan Territory. An old man has something in a cage. Other men play cards until they hear roaring outside. “Did you feed it today?” One guy climbs up to fix the hole in the roof, and something big pulls him up and pulls him apart. Credits roll.

We then get a newsreel introducing us to the “experts” who are going to find out what happened to the oil exploration crew. Elaine Bannister gives a lecture on cartography, but all anyone cares about is her famous father. Belle Parker comes to visit her to join the rescue team, and they want Ellie to lead the search.

Within a few days in Alaska, some of the crew are already ready to leave. They can’t even make camp, so they decide to blow up the ground itself. That night, they talk about monsters, which keep people from going where they don’t belong. Dynamite Dan brags about blowing stuff up before going out to pee; that goes badly for him.

Ellie sees the creature, and soon, everyone knows about Dan’s death. They all decide to keep on moving to find their missing fathers. Parker soon goes missing, and everyone splits up to search. Margaret finds a huge footprint in the snow. She and Coates see the monster clawing on Parker in the fog. Coates mercy-kills Parker as Margaret watches.

Ellie and her group find the cabin we saw in the opening credits, blood and all. Margaret is in there hiding from the creature. Coates comes in and describes the monster. Margaret, the animal expert, explains what the creature is; an ancient, not-extinct great ape.

Then they hear the roaring outside. It reaches in through the window and disembowels Coates right in front of Ellie. They also find some of the original crew, dead in their bunks. Booker reports that the radio is down, so they can’t call for help. Booker then gives Ellie a much-needed pep talk.

Booker climbs the radio tower with Ellie’s help, and that goes badly– the yeti rips his arm off. She runs off and finds a cabin with a cage in it. Inside the cage is Mr. Sunday, the man they expedition came out here to find. She also finds big drums of morphine.

Ellie finds the records of the expedition; the men weren’t up here for oil, they wanted the creature. Turns out, Ellie’s father, Hollis, was the one who locked Sunday in the cage after being lied to about why they came up here. They found a baby yeti, and Hollis stole it and turned against Sunday.

Old man Sunday and Sunday Jr. don’t see eye to eye about all this. They pour the morphine all over Ellie’s unconscious body and use her for bait inside the cage. Margaret’s outside the cage as a second lure.

Ellie wakes up and comes face to face with the monster. The morphine takes effect and knocks out the yeti, which Sunday Jr reluctantly runs to tie up. By the time he gets to the cage, the thing is empty. Ellie sneaks up behind Junior and strangles him, but the old man gets the best of Ellie.

Ellie’s father, Hollis, comes out of the woods to negotiate with Sunday Sr. The negotiations are short.

Ellie wakes up in the cabin, and Hollis is there as well. He’s been raising the baby yeti and protecting the adults from Sunday. He takes the baby and runs off into the woods to lure the female away from Ellie.

Meanwhile, outside, Sunday Jr wakes up after being strangled, not as dead as everyone thought. He sits down and freezes to death next to his father.

Ellie pulls out her compass, grabs a rowboat, and heads home.

Brian’s Commentary

The characters are obviously all old pulp-novel hero types, each very distinctive in style and personalities. It’s all very surreal and over-the-top in the way it’s filmed. The sets are all pretty weak; it never felt like the actual, cold Alaska to me, and no one’s breath even fogged.

I liked the style and basic idea, but it was all too clean and polished, the editing left a lot to be desired. I think this one may have been a little more low-budget than it really should have been.

Good idea; flawed execution.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought the pacing was kind of odd and clunky in this one. They were trying to make it stylized and retro, but I don’t feel like they quite pulled it off.

As Brian pointed out, it looks like it’s on sets with fake plants, fake fog, fake snow, and no indication they are actually in cold temperatures. I couldn’t stop noticing that.

This one didn’t quite work for me. I wasn’t bored, but I was only moderately entertained

2007 The Hills Have Eyes 2

• Directed by: Martin Weisz

• Written by: Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven

• Stars: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Jacob Vargas, and Flex Alexander

• Run Time: 97 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Set not long after the first movie released the year before and in the same desert area, a group of National Guard troops find out that the hills still have eyes. This is a remake of 1984’s “The Hills Have Eyes Part 2” and we both thought this one is miles more entertaining. It’s heavy on action, with a high body count and lots of painful looking injuries and death. We give it a thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a woman being tortured as the credits roll. It looks like she’s been there a long time, and now she’s giving birth. Her “midwife” leaves a lot to be desired, and the baby doesn’t look so great either. She’s killed as soon as the baby shows up.

We’re told that after half the family in the first film escaped, the military started monitoring the area. Almost immediately, the feed shows more people there than there should be, and then it goes dead. At the army base, people start going missing all at once. Dr. Foster runs into a couple of mutants and dies quickly. Colonel Redding knows what’s really going on, but that doesn’t save him.

We cut to a bunch of soldiers under fire in the Middle East. Turns out, it’s just a drill, and they aren’t doing well. The whole squad ships out to Sector 16, where the old-time atomic testing took place. On the truck, we get to know the soldiers a bit.

The group soon arrives at the top-secret base, but wonder where all the people there have gone. They see something shiny up in the hills and go to look, leaving Napoleon behind to guard the latrine and Amber to work the radio.

Napoleon finds a man in the porta-potty tank, and he’s not happy about it. Someone gave him shallow cuts all over so he’d die slowly of infection. He dies before he can give them much of a warning about what happened. They don’t see a thing until the company truck explodes and their weapons are stolen.

Amber runs up toward the rest of the troops, while Napoleon stays with the radio. Amber is grabbed by a mutant and is rescued by Mickey, who was on his way back down the hill. Someone in a hole grabs Mickey’s leg and pulls him in.

Sarge and the soldiers find what’s left of Dr. Foster. The mutants make an appearance, and one of the soldiers accidentally shoots Sarge. Now they all know they’re being stalked, but they aren’t sure what to do about it.

Someone steals their ropes, and now they can’t get down off the mountain. They have to look for another way, but run into many dead ends. They find Colonel Redding, who’s badly hurt but explains about mutants living in the mines here. He then shoots himself rather than be captured by the mutants.

Missy and Amber know what’ll happen to them if they’re captured, and they want to go home now. Turns out, they’re the bait that managed to lure in one of the muties who promptly get shot by the soldiers. Even then, Missy gets grabbed and hauled off.

The group goes into the mines looking for Missy, and it soon becomes impossible to go back the way they came. Amber and Napoleon fall down a chute and get separated from the others.

Missy, still alive, experiences Papa Hades, and she’s also not happy about it. Delmar, Crank, Napoleon, and Amber get reunited and meet one of the mutants who has offered to help them.

The three remaining soldiers argue about what to do next and then Crank accidentally blows himself up. The other two find Missy and untie her. Papa Hades smashes the door in and attacks everyone, and Amber finds that she has only one bullet left, but she knows how to use it. They all still have to work together to finish him off.

Still, they aren’t alone and have no way out…

Brian’s Commentary

This was far, far better than the original “Hills 2” which was one of the lamest sequels ever made. I don’t think the real National Guard trains that hard; these guys started out like Marines in combat, but I could be wrong. They’re also really good at making really bad choices at every turn.

It’s a little formulaic, but it’s well done for what it is.

Kevin’s Commentary

It moves fast, and it’s one damn thing after another for these folks getting picked off and fighting back. It’s not a perfect film, but it’s sooo much better than the original Part 2 from 1984. Such a different reboot that it’s pretty much a different movie entirely. I was entertained.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 The Bride!

• Directed by: Maggie Gyllenhaal

• Written by: Maggie Gyllenhaal

• Stars: Jessie Buckley, Christian Bale, Peter Sarsgaard, Annette Bening, Jake Gyllenhaal, Penélope Cruz

• Run Time: 126 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In the 1930s, the Creature asks Dr. Euphronious to make him a Bride. It works, but they don’t realize she’s a murdered woman which causes complications when elements from her past life cross over. Plus, she’s a radical and feminist getting things fired up. It’s sort of Bonnie and Clyde meets horror meets weird romance. There’s a lot of humor and strangeness, and it’s entertaining, after a few minutes at the beginning, which was a questionable start. We both liked it much more than we disliked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Mary Shelley comes onscreen and tells us that she didn’t write what she really wanted to; that was too much for the time. Now, she’s in Purgatory or something and wants to get the story out of her head.

The story begins with Ida, who is bored at a party. She seems to be possessed by Mary Shelly, who is using her to tell the story. She makes a major scene at the restaurant and gets thrown out. She then falls down the stairs and dies. Credits roll.

In Chicago, Frank, aka Frankenstein’s Creature, comes to see Dr. Euphronious, who knows who he is. She examines him and is thrilled. He doesn’t want any kind of treatment at the institute, he’s here for “an intercourse.” Yes, he wants her to “reinvigorate” him a bride. He’s become very impatient over the many years since he was created.

“I thought you were a mad scientist,” he says, which wins her over. Soon, they’re out digging up graves. Frank thinks the body they picked is too beautiful, but they can’t dig up more, so they go ahead. They throw the switch, sparks fly, and all the meters go off the scale.

The Bride sits up and thinks she had too much absinthe last night; she’s weird. They explain that she’s to marry Frank, but surprisingly, the bride doesn’t remember him at all.

Suddenly, Mary Shelley butts in and talks to the bride in her mind. Not long after, the bride and Frank break out of the lab, go to a movie and the red light district. She knows all the dance moves, but Frank’s not a dancer– but he does have an imagination. She dances most of the night, but eventually, her dance partners get carried away and Frank has to step in, violently.

Soon, the pair are on the run from the gangsters about the two men Frank just killed. He says he’s been through all this before, and there’s gonna be a mob. He doesn’t want the bride mixed up in all this, but she’s got nowhere else to go.

A couple of detectives, Wiles and Malloy, start investigating the murder, whose suspect looks like Frankenstein’s monster. Soon, “Frankenstein and his bride” are the headlines in the newspaper.

She wants the two of them to have sex, but he’s missing an important piece of the necessary equipment. They arrive in New York City, hoping to see Frank’s favorite movie star, Ronnie Reed. They’re quickly recognized as “The Killer Monsters,” and start a riot, complete with angry villagers and torches.

Frank and his bride crash a party, grab some food, and manage to spot Ronnie Reed, who is one of the guests. They have a conversation that’s very confusing for poor Ronnie. This soon turns into a dance number with “Puttin on the Ritz.”

The detectives storm in, and Wiles recognizes the bride. The bride recognizes Wiles. She grabs a gun and takes Ronnie as a hostage. She uses the opportunity to tell the police that the mob boss is paying off cops and killing women. She shoots a cop, and they escape.

They go on the run, and he gets her name tattooed on his chest. They have sex (I guess) repeatedly. Women all over the country start painting their faces like the bride’s face-marks. “Brain attack” is their new battlecry, causing mayhem everywhere as women revolt.

Lupino, the mob boss, recognizes the bride as Ida, a woman he had killed. Her killers swear they did the job, but he obviously knows they didn’t.

Detective Molloy realizes that the criminal pair has only been to places where Ronnie’s films took place. She wants credit if they solve this case, but he makes it clear that that’s not going to happen. She knows something is off about Wiles.

Frank makes up a whole story about his and the bride’s engagement. They get pulled over by an abusive cop, and Mary Shelley tells the bride to take care of him. She bites his tongue out but gets shot in the process, a minor wound.

Detective Wiles catches up to the monsters and calls the bride “Ida.” He says he got her into all this. Frank approaches him, and Moloy shoots him. Ida/The Bride then shoots Wiles in the foot and they run off. Wiles explains his connection to Ida to Molloy, but the hitman overhears the whole story. He’s a crooked cop, but he’s not all bad. He resigns and gives Molloy his badge.

Frank feels bad about lying to Ida about her past, and he also comes clean about their history. Molloy loiters outside the car and overhears his story. “I am a monster.” “Yeah, so am I.” They profess their love for each other, and he proposes to her. She refuses, which he finds hilarious. Then the police show up and kill Frank. The bride throws him in the car, and they have a high-speed chase with the cops.

The Bride and Mary talk about her identity. She drives them back to Dr. Euphonius, to patch Frank up. Both Molloy and the hitman follow them to the lab. There’s an over-the-top firefight, and the bride is shot umpteen times. She falls onto Frank’s corpse and dies.

Molloy takes charge, clears the cops out, and tells the doctor to take as much time as she needs to clean things up. Dr. Euphronius gets back to work; she can fix them.

Brian’s Commentary

For the first ten minutes, I was already mostly expecting this to be the first of over two thousand-plus movies that we didn’t finish. It did pick up fairly quickly though, and we did finish it.

It’s a remake of “Bride of Frankenstein” (1935), obviously. Mary Shelley makes an appearance in that film as a narrator, but that’s totally unnecessary and distracting here.

“Puttin on the Ritz” may have been a little too on-the-point, as I saw it coming an hour before it happened. Overall, though, the soundtrack is very good here.

It looks great, it’s very stylish, and it doesn’t get boring. It seems to go “weird for the sake of weird” several times, which you may or may not appreciate. There are some good laugh-out-loud parts, but it’s not a comedy. Christian Bale, as Frank, is outstanding here, but I did not care for Jessie Buckley’s The Bride, at all. I warmed up to her a bit before the end, but I think they could have done better with casting.

Overall, I’d say it was quite good, but I had some issues.

Kevin’s Commentary

After a start that had me grimacing in displeasure, it gets past that and into a really entertaining movie. It took a while, but I warmed up to Jessie Buckley at The Bride.

It’s not a perfect movie, but I liked it quite a bit.

2026 Souls Chapel

• Directed by: Jake C. Young

• Written by: Jake C. Young

• Stars: Brian Bremer, Jake C. Young, Adrianna Curtsinger

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 23 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A young drifter seeking treasure encounters demonic forces and a church that isn’t too holy. It’s set in a post-war-apocalyptic time, retro and modern at the same time, with a steampunk vibe. We both thought it was very well put together, but it was on the slow side and could have used more action. It’s a moderate thumbs-up from both of us.

Spoilery Synopsis

We are told about the origin of evil. We then cut to a man chopping up a body and doing some kind of ritual with it. He then hides a box in the woods and kills himself. Credits roll.

The Drifter tells us that time passes differently now that the world has moved on as he walks through a ghost town. He runs into a priest dressed in red with a gas mask who explains about the talisman he just picked up. Apparently, people did some really bad things back in the day. The weird priest gives the drifter a mission.

The drifter then goes to a weird church where he’s offered coffee. The priest, Red, is insistent about the coffee. Red introduces Sister Agatha. There’s a “Soul Storm” coming, and Jim mentions he hasn’t seen anyone on the road to town.

The drifter shows Red a drawing of the thing he’s looking for. Jim says he just wants the treasure. Soon, there’s a fight with their steampunk guns, and the drifter is knocked out. Red gives the drifter 24 hours to confess his crimes against humanity.

The drifter, chained up, has a vision of the woman in white, probably some kind of witch. Agatha tries to ingratiate herself with the drifter to get more information out of him. The talisman led them all to this place. Red used to have the mark of the talisman on his hand, but now the drifter has it.

Red gets a vision and finds the treasure chest. There’s gold and a newspaper article about seven strangers who showed up in this city. Meanwhile, the drifter talks to Father Moore, another prisoner in the town jail. He says they’re safer in jail than outside because night is coming. Jim comes in and talks about getting captured by the Skeezers during the war.

We cut to the white witch, who does a ritual and conjures up a monster. The monster then quickly kills the schoolboy.

Agatha and Red then torture the drifter to find out who killed the schoolboy. Jim talks to himself in a mirror and decides to turn against the others.

The drifter escapes his chains and explores. He finds a room full of heads in jars. He also finds newspaper accounts of the former priest here sacrificing seven people.

The drifter confronts Agatha and Red, and Agatha kills Red. She wakes up Jim and splits the gold with him. No– they forgot about the monster, who kills them both. Meanwhile, the drifter finds the talisman he’s been looking for. The dead rise.

The drifter, with his talisman, runs into the white witch, with hers. He banishes her. The red priest shows up again and takes the talisman. At least he’s got a bag of gold now. The drifter laughs and moves on…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s got the moody, atmospheric post-apocalyptic, sorta-steampunk landscape done well. The sound, costumes, and lighting are well done, better than most indie films of this budget. The pacing, on the other hand, is really slow and could have used more action.

Kevin’s Commentary

“Smells like pigs liver and sacrifice.” That’s very specific.

I liked the retro look with the steampunk vibe. It’s well put together, I thought, and interesting. Jake C. Young, doing triple duty as writer, director, and main character, did a good job. My only real complaint is how slow-moving and low-action it is. But I liked it much more than I disliked it.

2026 Ready or Not 2: Here I Come

• Directed by: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

• Written by: Guy Busick and R. Christopher Murphy

• Stars: Samara Weaving, Kathryn Newton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Shawn Hatosy, David Cronenberg, and Elijah Wood

• Run Time: 1h 45m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

But wait, the game isn’t over. Picking up immediately where the first “Ready or Not” movie ended, Grace and her sister (a new character) find themselves forced into the next level. The rules are clearly explained, new players enter the contest, and there’s a new site for the hunting fun. It probably wasn’t a necessary sequel, but it was really fun. And Kevin enjoyed it at least as much as the first film.

Spoilery Synopsis

Immediately after the events of the first film, Grace sits down as the house burns and explodes behind her. The EMTs load her onto the ambulance as credits roll. As they shock her chest, we get flashbacks to the previous movie.

Grace wakes up in the hospital, cuffed to the bed; she’s suspected in several murders. Faith comes in; she’s Grace’s estranged sister. Faith says Grace is a negative person. Grace eventually explains her game of “Hide and Seek” that involved devil sacrifices.

Meanwhile, old man Chester Danforth creates the news. Mr. Le Bail’s lawyer shows up with news about the now-dead family. Danforth decides to summon his children, since the game is not over. We see various characters getting their notifications. “This is our chance!” Chester tells his twin kids Ursula and Titus that the ball is still in play and they need to win to keep their power and success. The game starts with them murdering their father, Chester.

On the way out of the hospital, the detective in charge is killed by Bill Wilkinson, one of the early arrivals. As Bill closes in to kill Grace, he explodes like a water balloon of blood. The lawyer comes in, and he knows all about the devil and his rules - Bill died because he tried to start early.

Usulla and Titus head out to their “lodge” and welcome all the freaky relatives. The lawyer flies in with the two sisters, tied up and ready for the game to begin. Mr. Le Bail’s lawyer enters, and everyone pays attention. He explains the situation, the reward, and the rules. The stakes are higher this time. All she has to do is survive until dawn as the rest of the families try to kill her. Whichever family does kill her will wear the ring, and basically have so much power they control the world. There are five main hunters, but if they die, the next generation of relatives will have to join in.

The game begins. Faith and Grace wake up handcuffed to each other on the golf course. Ursula and Titus approach on a golf cart, Wan Chen Xing uses a drone to find the girls. Ignacio shoots a propane tank that almost kills Viraj.

The girls hide in the abandoned casino that’s on the property and talk about their history. Viraj makes it inside first, and he fights the girls, who have broken their handcuffs. He ends up cooked in an industrial washing machine. Mahdu, Viraj’s brother, is ordered into the field but chooses to send his own wife, Martina, instead.

Wan Chen Xing reveals herself and says there’s a loophole in the agreement that would take the power away from the Danforths. The only trick is that Grace will have to marry Wan Cheng Fu. She would be spared, and he would have the power. Wan says her son is dumb but kind and would be better for the world than the Danforths. Wan ends up accidentally stabbing Ignacio, and he’s not getting back up again. Rules broken, Wan Cheng explodes in a bloody mess; so does her son.

Titus and Ursula ambush the girls at the front date, just as Martina drives her car through the gate and escapes. This leads to more drama between the two sisters and the surviving players. Francesca shows up with a rocket launcher, but doesn’t know how to use it. Grace and Francesca both get splattered and blinded with pepper spray and have to fight blind. Meanwhile Faith faces off against Titus. It looks pretty bad for both of them.

Grace wins her fight, but Titus takes Faith as a hostage. Grace offers to marry Titus to save Faith and explains the loophole to him. The lawyer nods that this is true. Ursula doesn’t like this at all, since it eliminates her from the power position.

Suddenly, there’s about to be a wedding. Ursula comes to Grace and talks about how terrible her brother is. Titus comes in and kills Ursula, which doesn’t break the rules - they can kill their own family members, just not other families.

The wedding commences, attended by everyone we’ve seen so far and a crowd of cultists. The lawyer calls on Mr. Le Bail to witness. The wedding actually goes through and finishes. It’s all good until Grace stabs Titus with the sharp, pointy pen. It’s not against the rules to kill a family member, as Titus proved with Ursula.

Grace wins. She puts on the ring and takes over. She then immediately abdicates. Whoever’s wearing the ring at dawn, in three minutes, will be the new leader. She throws the ring down into the pit, and most everyone jumps in after it. Everyone fights to the death for the ring. Everyone in the family explodes.

Grace, Faith, and the sacrificial goat leave the estate.

Brian’s Commentary

This is a sequel to 2019’s “Ready or Not.” This one is full of familiar faces, much more so than the original. It did not, however, have the fun theme song this time around.

This was one of those sequels that didn’t really need to be made, but it was still fun.

Kevin’s Commentary

Grace can surely take a lot of punishment and damage in these movies. So can her sister. After getting beaten up and wounded as badly as they were, they walked off at the end just fine and dandy.

I went into this thinking we didn’t need a sequel and it was totally unnecessary. I changed my mind once it got going. I enjoyed it as much as the first one, if not more.

2025 Dolly

• Directed by: Rod Blackhurst

• Written by: Rod Blackhurst, Brandon Weavil

• Stars: Fabianne Therese, Seann William Scott, Ethan Suplee, Max the Impaler

• Run Time: 83 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a couple goes hiking, the young woman of the duo is abducted by a crazy masked killer who wants her to be her living doll baby. It was filmed in 16mm and has a 70s grainy look to it and a vibe of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” but is in the modern day with smartphones. The gore is visceral with realistic shots that will make you cringe. We both thought it was really good.

Spoilery Synopsis

As the credits roll, we see a house full of dolls and what appears to be a crazy woman tending to a corpse in a bed.

Chapter 1: Mother

A couple of parents drop off their daughter to the babysitter’s house so they can have a day alone where Chase can propose to Macy. Macy’s not sure about the whole thing since Chase has a daughter, Evy. As soon as they get to the woods for their hike, we cut to the crazy old woman, now dismembering that corpse. The old woman then holds a funeral for the dead person, with many dolls as witnesses.

Macy noticed that there are dolls nailed to the trees in the woods. They think that’s pretty weird. As they reach the overlook, they hear a weird music box playing in the woods, and Chase goes to check it out. He soon comes across the old woman, who wears a red dress suit and a doll-face mask– maybe it’s not an old woman, since “Dolly” picks up Chase and strangles him, cuts his leg off, and then does even worse things.

Chapter 2: Daughter

Macy gets tired of waiting and goes looking for Chase. She finds Dolly and the headless corpse before she finds Chase. She runs, falls, and is knocked out.

When she wakes up, Dolly is there, and Macy stabs Dolly with a tiny pocketknife. Dolly knocks her out again and takes her home to her place.

Chapter 3: Home

Macy wakes up in a tiny crib in a child’s room. She talks through the wall to a man she can’t see. He tells her to play along with the dolls. Dolly comes in and wants Macy to wear a diaper and suck on a pacifier.

Somehow, out in the woods, what’s left of Chase wakes up. He’s a real mess. He doesn’t get very far, but he’s still alive.

Dolly finally notices the pocketknife stuck in her side, pulls it out, and starts spurting blood. Macy uses the opportunity to try to escape. That doesn’t last long before Dolly decides it’s time for Macy’s feeding. Clearly, Dolly wants Macy as a baby doll. When Macy refuses to drink milk from a bottle, it all gets pretty weird.

Macy makes it down to the basement, where she finds a doll shrine, including the head of Dolly’s mother. Dolly finds Macy and rips her ear off. Dolly then sews it back on, which is even worse.

Chapter 4: Father

In the morning, Macy wakes up and steals a key from the sleeping Dolly. She opens the locked door where the man’s voice was coming from, and she soon finds him inside, all chained up. She unchains him and then very soon regrets it. They’re family. He grabs Macy, holds a piece of glass to her throat, and calls for Dolly. He needs Dolly to unlock the back door and let him out. As soon as Dolly unlocks the door, her father goes off on her with the shovel. Macy and Dolly work together to take care of him. He’s not gonna be getting back up again.

Macy hears Chase calling her name outside and jumps through a window.

Chapter 5: Reunion

Macy tells Chase that she found his ring and that she loves him, but they have to get away. Dolly shows up and makes Chase’s problems even worse. Macy and Dolly fight it out in the woods, and Dolly loses part of her mask.

Chapter 6: FIght

Macy hides in Dolly’s mother’s grave. She gets the shovel away from Dolly and makes good use of it, but stops beating too soon.

Chapter 7: Goodbye

The park ranger literally runs into Macy, “Are you OK?” “NO!”

He calls on the radio, “Guys, we got another one.” Dolly then comes out of the woods and kills him. Macy starts the ranger’s truck and runs over Dolly. She takes back her engagement ring, gets back in the truck, and drives away to freedom…

Brian’s Commentary

There are a couple of really cringey gore shots that were painful to watch.

After the opening scenes, there’s not much dialogue, which makes it all the more creepy.

It’s pretty intense, never slows down, and has lots of good bits to it. I liked this one!

Kevin’s Commentary

The 16mm grindhouse 70s vibe was an interesting mash-up with modern-day technology and smartphones. I also liked the division into chapters.

It kind of surprised me how quickly they killed Chase off. And then I was even more surprised that he wasn’t dead yet in the condition the psycho left him in.

I said “ouchie!” more than once with some of the painful-looking injuries that take place.

I thought it was really good.

2015 Muck

• Directed by: Steve Wolsh

• Written by: Steve Wolsh

• Stars: Kane Hodder, Lachlan Buchanan, Bryce Draper, Lauren Francesca, Stephanie Danielson

• Run Time: 1h 38m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The IMDB.com summary says “After narrowly escaping an ancient burial ground, a group of friends find themselves trapped between two evils, forcing them to fight, die, or go back the way they came.” The movie seems to start in the middle of a story, and we don’t really know what happened before. There’s much bad acting, strange choices made, random seeming editing, young women scantily dressed, and not a lot of story that’s explained or makes sense. Both of us agree this was phenomenally bad.

Spoilery Synopsis

A woman runs through the swamp, screaming for help. Her three friends soon catch up, but Billy’s been injured. They’re all freaked out, as some of their friends are dead. There’s an inordinate amount of screaming and arguing before they head toward the house they see. Credits roll as another girl is left out in the swamp alone.

The group breaks into the house and quickly settles in to warm up. Billy explains that they’re in a horror movie and how they’re all going to die. He predicts that Kylie is going to be the final girl since she’s wearing the most clothes. Noah decides to go for help, since the house doesn’t have a phone.

The group settles in. Desiree goes upstairs for a shower, and Kylie goes into the basement looking for a first-aid kit.

Noah makes it to town and stops in at the bar– it’s St. Patrick’s Day and everything is green. He goes to the restroom and washes up, then gets distracted by the women in the ladies’ room. He orders a couple of drinks for himself and the ladies, seemingly forgetting to call the police or any help for his friends.

Desiree takes her long, slow shower and then comes out just to get chopped up by a man with an axe.

Noah finally calls his friend Troit, telling him he’s in the town of West Craven. Troit and his hate-girlfriend Chandi go to rescue the group. We then take a time-out to watch one of the bar women change clothes in the restroom. They talk about West Craven a dozen times so we are sure to catch the reference.

Random stuff seems to happen. Noah runs down the street. Kylie gets tortured by bald cultists. Troit and his girlfriends stagger around the parking lot and talk about buying a boat. There’s an ad for Red Bull– it gives you wings. Something has grabbed Billy and Mia that we didn’t even see. Noah then plays hide and seek in a graveyard.

There’s no point in giving more of a synopsis, as none of this makes any damned sense at all. Kevin paid good money for this Blu-Ray, so I guess I have to finish it, but oh, is it ever bad. (At least, Kevin adds, it was a really good deal on the Blu-Ray.)

Brian’s Commentary

We never really find out what happened to the group before the movie started, but people have already died by that point, and the characters already know they’re in a horror movie. Who were these bald men, cultists or something? What was any of this for?

Well, that was truly awful. Not one of the “Actors” can act, which isn’t helped by the awful dialogue and pacing. It’s got lots of barely-dressed girls running around through most of the film, so there’s that if you’re into that sort of thing, but that’s probably the only reason anyone would watch this. Even the editing is noticeably terrible, with odd, half-second bits of blackness where the shots didn’t quite align in the editing room.

Worst of the month, easily. It’s far from the worst I’ve ever seen, but it’s probably in the top twenty.

Kevin’s Commentary

The very beginning had me wondering if we’d started in the middle of the movie by mistake. After the credits roll, we realize they did that on purpose. This was intended to be the second movie of a trilogy, making the second movie first for some reason. It’s been eleven years, so that plan is doubtful.

Apparently, despite having been attacked, some people missing, one guy badly injured, it doesn’t occur to the characters to call 911. Just one of many strange and bad choices made. But don’t think about that too much, look, here’s another young woman strutting or running about scantily dressed or topless. And then, for some reason bald pale attacker guys show up. Stuff happens, and then it ends abruptly, unfinished and waiting for the third in the trilogy.

It wasn’t available for streaming, and I wanted to see it, so I picked up a cheap Blu-ray copy. That seemed like a good idea at the time. I was intensely disappointed.

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2025 The Arborist

• Director: Andrew Mudge

• Writers: Andrew Mudge

• Stars: Lucy Walters, Hudson West, Will Lyman

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

An arborist in mourning and her somewhat surly son land a wood trimming gig, hired by a recluse living in a big mansion on big land. But there’s some haunting going on along with big loads of guilt and grief, and it’s not just a simple job. It’s beautifully filmed with a strong cast of just a few main characters, but it didn’t really connect with either of us.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear a woman shushing a baby as a large ball of woven vines rolls into the room. Credits roll.

Ellie gets up in the morning and runs the breast pump. She goes looking for her son Wyatt, but then finds something very wrong with the baby.

One year later, Ellie and Wyatt drive to a large estate where they have been promised work. She’s still grieving over the death of the baby. She meets Mr. Randolph, the owner of the house, and he mostly just wants her to cut firewood. Meanwhile, Wyatt finds a mysterious ball of woven vines near the truck that scares him enough that he hides from it. They move into the little gardener’s cottage.

Wyatt asks about the old man living all alone in that huge mansion. He gripes about her drinking and then plays videos of the baby, which annoys her.

In the morning, the two get to work. They find what looks like an old amphitheater in the woods and then argue over how to use a chainsaw.

As Ellie works, Wyatt goes canoeing and sees something not quite human on the bank. Ellie finds him passed out on the bank and has flashbacks to the baby.

Old man Randolph brings him a fishing pole to use, and Ellie asks him why hire an arborist when anyone with a chainsaw could do the work. Why those particular healthy trees?

Wyatt believes that some thing killed his little sister, but Ellie explains it was just SIDS. A bit later, Wyatt sees the monster under the canoe, repeating his mother’s words. He also sees the vine ball again, as well as some kind of demon. “What killed her? What killed Rachel?” it asks.

Ellie talks to Randolph about quitting, but she’s already been paid. The old man shows her that Wyatt has been inside the house for some reason. When confronted with the knife, Wyatt says he dropped it from the canoe. “It followed us here,” he complains. He’s clearly got some mental issues. He goes outside and talks to the creature in the trees, who says he is dying.

Ellie finds a locked box in a hidden room in the basement. Inside, she finds many old photos of children. Also, there’s a news report about seven children dying on the estate. Randolph, upstairs, finds wet footprints in his bedroom, and he’s suddenly terrified of Wyatt.

Ellie wants to pack the truck and leave, but Wyatt refuses and runs off into the woods. Randolph explains that his older brother, Victor, looked exactly like Wyatt. Ellie’s grandfather was Randolph’s cousin. Ellie and Wyatt are all that’s left of his family. He also explains about the tragedy; his brother Victor used the gas heater to kill a bunch of orphans who were there as a treat. Randolph killed Victor afterward by drowning him in the pond.

Wyatt starts channeling Victor, and it’s clear that there really is something going on here. Ellie sees the thing in the woods as well. Outside, the ghosts of the dead children surround Randolph; they believe Wyatt is Victor and want their revenge. Since Victor is now inside Wyatt, they’re aren’t really wrong.

Randolph explains that about a year ago, he started noticing things were weird in the area. This would have been around the same time Ellie’s baby died.

That night, Randolph grabs Wyatt and tries to drown him in the swimming pool, but Ellie jumps in and saves only one of them.

Later, Ellie finds the vine ball, and it’s got a baby inside. Wyatt-Victor stabs the baby and turns it into sticks. This leads Ellie to scream and melt the vine ball.

In a dreamscape of their home in town, Wyatt explains what happened the night the baby died. He accidentally fell asleep on top of the baby and killed her.

Some time later, Ellie and Wyatt return to the house, which has now been torn down. They’ve inherited what’s left from Randolph.

Brian’s Commentary

I figured from the credits that the vine ball was guilt. Also, from the way it was filmed, it seemed likely the baby’s killer was in the closet, and I assumed it was Wyatt. Turns out, that’s not the way it was going at all, which is good. Well, not completely the way it turned out.

It’s really long, and a lot of it doesn’t make sense to me.

Kevin’s Commentary

The paycheck Ellie and Wyatt get from Mr. Randolph is $3,500.00, and that’s a heck of a lot of work for two people for that amount.

When we pause, and Brian exclaims, “What?! It’s got another half hour to go!” That’s not a good sign for how entertained we are.

It turned out guilt and grief were the monsters all along. Sort of.

All the technical aspects, the cast, and the location are excellent. But it’s a long, drawn-out affair that I thought was on the dull side.

2025 Diabolic

• Director: Daniel J. Phillips

• Writers: Mike Harding, Ticia Madsen, and Daniel J. Phillips

• Stars: John Kim, Elizabeth Cullen, and Mia Challis

• Runtime: 1 hour, 35 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A woman goes back to her childhood area in the hopes of finding answers to problems she is having now and what happened in her forgotten youth. What she finds is religious extremism, a mystery, and some witchery. It builds slowly but pretty effectively, with a good cast, great cinematography, and excellent special effects. We both dug it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get an on-screen summary of what the FLDS flavor of Mormonism is all about, focusing on the culty bits.

We then cut to what looks to be a very strange baptism as credits roll. It’s 2015, and the group is doing baptisms for the dead. The final name is called, and a demon possesses the baptized girl.

Ten years later, Elise and Adam talk about her paintings. Later, in the garden, she digs up a dead animal’s skeleton. When Adam gets home, he finds that she’s dug holes all over the entire yard and doesn’t remember why.

She brings the incident to the attention of her therapist. Also, she’s killed the neighbor’s little dog and feels bad about that. The episodes are getting longer and more violent, and he brings up the possibility of an institution. He knows that this is a not-uncommon trait of people who exited from the FLDS. He wants her to confront the healers from the church to face them.

Adam and Elise decide to go see the healers, and they take Gwen with them. She’ll chaperone them as they take some kind of weird drug to open up their minds.

Hyrum talks to his overbearing mother about their new “patient,” Elise. He knew her in her younger days and wants to help her. “Her kind will find no help here,” she insists.

Elise’s group shows up at the baptistry, the only building remaining in the town after a historical flood. She remembers the baptismal font, and it makes her uncomfortable. Elise talks about how they baptist the dead by proxy. Eise doesn’t remember much of what went on that night. She almost remembers Clara, her almost-girlfriend from those days.

As the trio sets up camp, Hyrum and his mother, Alma, arrive. She doesn’t remember him. She tells them about her blackouts, and Hyrum talks about the hallucinogenic drugs their group has always used. Hyrum mixes up some hallucinogenic soup for Elise and Adam to drink. Bottom’s up!

Hyrum tells them to “embrace the visions,” and they do. Elise remembers Clara, and their kisses. “She’s coming,” Clara warns. In the real world, Elise starts vomiting blood, and Alma writes bloody runes on her belly. The candles spring to life. “We must get it out of her now!” Alma pulls a long black worm out of Elise, who sits up, mostly recovered. She watches as the worm melts and re-forms into a person, but no one else sees that.

In the morning, Hyrum and Alma talk about the evil in this place and then leave. Adam and Gwen wonder if Elise is actually better now or not. Elise swears it feels like a weight has been lifted from her stomach and now feels great. When Elise talks about Clara, Adam takes offense to that because they have no sex life.

Elise finds an ancient altar in the woods and suddenly wants to have sex right on top of it; Adam doesn’t complain. Meanwhile, Gwen follows a stranger into the baptistry and gets locked in with a ghost. When they come back out, they find a bunch of dead animals impaled on poles. Also, the car battery is now inexplicably dead.

Hyrum, who has had a crush on Elise since they were kids, comes to jumpstart the car and tells Elise that Alma pulled a demon out of her, and it’s free now to do as it pleases. Meanwhile, Alma prays and then hangs herself.

Hyrum gets home and finds his mother, not dead but even weirder. She talks about Larue, the witch-spirit they released from Elise. “The bodies were never found; she consumed them!” Larue vowed with her dying breath to get revenge on the church, and it was her name who caused the crazy baptism in the opening scenes. Then, Alma dies.

Back at the baptistry, Elise catches Adam and Gwen kissing and runs off into the woods. We get a flashback to Elise arguing with her father about loving Clara. Her father disowned her and threatened to send her away to an orphanage in the morning.

Gwen sees Larue in her tent, freaks out, and steals Adam’s car. Elise uses that key she found to open a padlocked cellar and the doors fly open mysteriously. She finds Clara’s ghost down there, who tells her to “Dig.” Elise digs up Clara’s skeleton and remembers how she murdered Clara back in the day. Now, Clara’s not in the basement, but Larue is, and she ain’t pretty. “I remember you; you’ve been with me all along.” Larue appears to kill Elise.

Gwen, driving down the road, stops when she sees Larue in the middle of the street. Is it Larue or is it Elise now? Either way, it goes really badly for Gwen. Adam finds her in the baptistry as Hyrum arrives to help. The baptismal font fills with blood as the men watch. Elise drowns Hyrum in the blood. She then crushes Adam’s head with her hands.

Elise, now alone, makes the bloody pool burn and smiles evilly.

One month later, Elise leads the girls to the new church for baptisms…

Brian’s Commentary

The cast is good, and the way the mystery unfolds is interesting. The whole FLDS thing is rarely handled in horror movies, but it’s really the best part of this movie. I was totally expecting Hyrum and Alma to be the evil crazies, but they were completely genuine, which made a nice little twist.

Kevin’s Commentary

“The following is inspired by true events” lost me a little right off the bat. IMDB trivia says that it refers to co-writer Ticia Madsen’s real-life experiences in the Mormon church. I’m assuming there was less magic and a lower body count in real life.

It was very effective at keeping us guessing what was really going on until close to the end. Then things get revealed nicely. Sometimes the dragon wins as the saying goes.

1934 Maniac

• Directed by: Dwain Esper

• Written by: Hildagarde Stadie

• Stars: Bill Woods, Horace B. Carpenter, Ted Edwards

• Run Time: 51 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The poster from a 1983 rerelease touts “Sex…Drugs…Psychos” and “The First word in bad taste,” and that’s about right. It’s awful and fascinating at the same time, surprisingly gross and graphic for 1934. And it’s short at only 51 minutes, so give it a try if you’d like something historically interesting and pretty entertaining - more chuckles and eww moments than scares for sure.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get an opening scroll that talks about fear, faith, and unhealthy thought. All criminals suffer from some mental disease.

We cut to Dr. Meirschultz and Maxwell working in their lab. The old man wants to experiment on a dead body and needs Maxwell’s help to get one. He’s going to impersonate the coroner to steal the body. They enter the morgue and inject one of the bodies with the doctor’s serum. She soon begins to move, and they need to get her out of the morgue, past the guard and attendants.

The police start looking into the missing body, and Dr. Meirschultz’s name comes up right away. So does Maxwell’s name.

Back at the lab, Dr. Meirschultz wants another body that he can transplant a still-beating heart into. He doesn’t care where the next body comes from, so Maxwell breaks into the nearby undertaker’s place, but he’s run off by angry cats. After he reports failure to the old doctor, Meirschultz wants Maxwell to kill himself for the experiment. Instead, Maxwell shoots the old madman.

We then cut to another scroll about “Dementia Precox,” a very common form of insanity.

Maxwell gives himself a speech about the “spark of life” as he hallucinates the devil. One of the doctor’s patients shows up, and Maxwell makes himself look like Meirschultz using his makeup and acting skills. He then treats Mr. Buckley and gives him a shot of super-adrenaline by mistake. Mr. Buckley has… a reaction; oh-boy does he ever. He goes berserk and steals the undead woman from the morgue.

Mrs. Buckley finds the old doctor’s corpse and thinks it’s murder. As Maxwell and Mrs. Buckley talk about blackmail and murder, Mr. Buckley and the undead woman run off into the hillside. Meanwhile, Satan the cat eats the beating heart from the jar on the desk. Maxwell grabs the cat and pops his eye out and eats it.

Maxwell walls up the doctor’s corpse and the one-eyed cat behind the wall in the basement.

The police come to a man who owns thousands of cats for the skins. He’s got it all figured out.

We cut to Maxwell’s forgotten wife, Alice, who lives with three other women who don’t seem to own many clothes. They read that Maxwell has inherited a small fortune, but no one can find him to let him know. She goes to “Meirschiltz” and tells him about the inheritance. He figures she’s going to murder him for the money, so he talks Mrs. Buckley into killing Alice. When Alice shows up, he tells her about Mrs. Buckley as a double-cross.

As the two women fight in the basement, Maxwell cackles like a lunatic, causing the cat-obsessed neighbor to call the police. Everyone runs to the basement, where the police hear the one-eye-cat yowling from behind the wall.

We cut to Maxwell, in jail, who goes on and on about his need to be a great actor, but no one appreciates him.

Brian’s Commentary

The movie poster promises “Sex, Drugs, and Psychos.” We do, in fact, get all of those. It’s all pretty ridiculous, but then again, this was 1934, so this was pretty over-the-top and extreme for the time.

The acting is awful, the plot is thin, but it’s really interesting considering what they got away with at the time.

It’s… weird.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was my second viewing after recommending it to Brian for a review. It’s kind of awful, yet interesting at the same time. It’s pretty wild and graphic considering it’s a film from 1934.

The Phyllis Diller in this movie is not the comedian Phyllis Diller.

It’s a strange little movie that I enjoyed seeing.

1956 Satellite in the Sky

• Directed by: Paul Dickson

• Written by: John Mather, J.T. McIntosh, Edith Dell

• Stars: Kieron Moore, Lois Maxwell, Donald Wolfit

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

• Clip:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The British (in their first science fiction movie in color) launch the world’s first orbital vehicle, along with a big experimental bomb, and the mission doesn’t go smoothly. It’s sort of an alternate timeline of 1956, blending real technology with science more advanced than they had at the time. It’s a little draggy in places, but it was still interesting and low-key entertaining. Not on par with other classics of the era.

Spoilery Synopsis

We are told that apparently, Nostradamus predicted space flight, as the credits roll.

We cut to “modern” jet fighters zooming around in the sky, as one of them lands and Commander Michael Hayden gets out. There’s a press thing afterward to talk about Project Stardust, which will escape the Earth’s gravity for the first time, a height of about 1000 miles, where there probably isn’t any gravity to stop it.

Mike explains that the power and fuel are the real problems with the experiment. Kim asks what we’ll gain from all this; shouldn’t we fix our own world first? She’s very negative about the whole thing. There’s a test flight this afternoon. Professor Merrity hints that there’s a more secret aspect to the mission: the bomb. The test is successful, so Project Starlight can proceed tomorrow.

After the flight, Mike and Kim argue some more about the value of space flight. He gives her a tour of the facilities on the airbase. She also sees the rocketship that Mike will be flying in the morning. She thinks it looks… evil.

Larry, one of the scientists, is having trouble with his wife, Barbara, and his money, and they argue about the rocket. He promises to take her out, but he gets called back for more rocket work.

That night, Kim sneaks back into the airbase, and apparently, there’s no security whatsoever. Nothing is locked up, and she makes her way into the rocket unseen by anyone.

The professor explains that the flight tomorrow will carry the very first tritanium bomb to test. That’s really the whole point of the flight; Mike had no idea. The bomb is too powerful to explode on Earth, but it’ll just dissipate in space. Mike and Larry are told about this, but they’re not happy about it.

Meanwhile, Barbara goes to the party alone and meets Tony there. Jimmy breaks up his date with Ellen when she has to work on a fashion show. He ends up proposing to her– over the telephone. There’s lots of character drama.

The morning of the flight arrives, and they load the huge bomb aboard. Mike, Professor Merrity, Larry, Jimmy, and Lefty board as well, and they soon launch. The G-force is tremendous, and they all suffer, but soon it’s over and they are in space. Mike explains about the bomb to Lefty and Jimmy; that’s why Merrity had come along.

Merrity goes back to the cargo hold to check on the bomb and finds Kim hiding in the closet. They report her being a stowaway to the people on the ground. Soon, Kim is making coffee for the crew. She didn’t know anything about the T-1 bomb. Merrity explains that the bomb is so powerful that they’ll feel gale force winds on the surface. Kim thinks it’s a waste of resources, and for once, Mike agrees with her. “This could be the end of the world for all we know,” she points out.

They launch the bomb out the cargo door and watch as it jets away. Kim and Merrity argue about the bomb yet again. Suddenly, the bomb turns around and floats back to their ship with failed jets. If they start the rockets, the bomb may explode. They try anyway, and the bomb doesn’t explode, but it does stay magnetically attached to the ship.

Mike puts on a space suit and goes outside to release the bomb manually. They can’t possibly land with the bomb, as it’ll destroy a huge area of the Earth. If they don’t the bomb’s going off at nine o’clock either way. He pushes the bomb away, but it floats right back again.

The men on Earth debate what to do, since the bomb can’t be defused or deactivated. They decide the crew will just have to stay with the bomb when it blows up.

Aboard the ship, Professor Merrity goes berserk and tries to take over, but they get control of him pretty quickly.

The Americans have a new experimental jet that might be able to reach the ship, but time is tight. It’s not so tight that Mike and Kim can’t squeeze in a kiss.

Merrity and Lefty go back outside to fiddle with the bomb some more– without permission. They can’t disarm the bomb, but they grab the bomb and use their jetpacks to push the bomb far away, giving the others a chance to escape. They blast the rockets and head back down to Earth.

Up in orbit, the bomb explodes, and it’s a biggie. The end.

Brian’s Commentary

There are lots of shots of jet planes flying, landing, and taxiing around; this was all still new in the 50s, and it was interesting to audiences of the time, I guess. Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel like stock footage, which was pretty common for this kind of film. This was also Britain’s first color sci-fi film.

The sets are good, the acting is fine, and the special effects are decent for the 50s. There are both pro- and anti-science and war opinions given, and overall, there’s a lot of talk.

It’s a little dull, actually.

Kevin’s Commentary

The real technology of the time, combined with the science fiction tech, was pretty cool.

I never knew that before Miss Moneypenny worked for the secret service, she had a career as a reporter.

I wasn’t bored, but it did drag in places, and the pacing isn’t continuously lively. I don’t regret watching it, but it’s not a classic worth a repeat viewing.

1956 World Without End

• Directed by: Edward Bernds

• Written by: Edward Bernds

• Stars: Hugh Marlowe, Nancy Gates, Nelson Leigh

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 20 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

What starts out as a manned mission to orbit Mars takes an unexpected turn when the craft goes through a time warp and they’re propelled into the year 2508 where Earth is populated by mutants and very few normal humans. But it’s really science fiction, not much horror. For such a short film, they fit a lot into it as far as storytelling. The effects and so forth are very dated, but it’s fun and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with an atomic explosion and credits roll.

XRM has lost contact, and the men at the Pentagon are concerned. Henry Jaffe’s last report was cut off in mid-transmission, but we soon see him and the other men on their spaceship– they have lost contact as well. John, the captain, wishes they could land on Mars, but that’s not the mission. They set course to return to Earth after successfully orbiting Mars, and we watch as the ship accelerates. John, Henry, Doc, and Herb all sit up and watch Mars fade into the background– BOOM! Suddenly, there’s an explosion, and everything gets crazy.

Everyone passes out, and when they wake up, they’ve already landed. It’s clearly not Mars, and the gravity seems normal, so they go outside. The radiation level is three times what the Earth’s should be; they were at a crazy speed, so they could be anywhere. Hank has a family back home, and he’s whiny about getting back to them.

They find a cave with giant spiders inside– good thing they brought pistols. They’re surprised, but no one gets hurt. They move on and camp for the night. We see that they’re being watched by what appear to be cavemen. The one-eyed cyclopean cavemen attack in the night, but the pistols again come in handy.

Then they come to a graveyard with tombstones in English. Some of the dates end with 2188, so this is actually Earth in the future. Doc says that if you go fast enough, time slows down, so they seem to have proven that to be true. An atomic war in 2188 would account for the radiation levels. Those one-eyed monsters must be what remains of humanity. What other monsters might exist here?

The cavemen attack in numbers this time, and the four men hide in a cave. In the back of the cave is a super-hard metal door that opens to a clean-looking hallway. The group is taken to a council of humans led by Timmek. The people know all about space-time warps being possible, or at least they did before the big atomic war. Timmek explains that it’s 2508 AD now. Timmek’s daughter, Garnet, leads them to a nice dinner.

Garnet explains about Deena, the daughter of the mutants outside, but she wasn’t born deformed. She escaped, and the underground community took her in.

It soon becomes clear that these people are cowardly pacifists - or at least very complacent and content, afraid to go to the surface or reclaim the planet, even though they are technologically capable. Meanwhile, John gets cozy with Garnet. Mories, one of the leaders, likes Garnet and is jealous of John already. All the women seem to be really interested in the strong, virile men from the past.

Mories makes up some stories about the men from the past planning a coup and taking over, and Timmek falls for it. John asks Timmek to give them weapons and supplies to retake the surface, but Timmek suspects they have bad intentions. Timmek refuses to make them the weapons.

Mories takes the men’s pistols, kills James in the process, and hides them to frame the men for killing James. The four outsiders are taken into custody and put on trial. Timmek banishes them back to the surface. Deena knows the truth, but Mories attacks her, too. She tells Timmek about Mories before passing out. Mories runs outside, where he’s quickly killed by the Mutates.

Timmek realizes mistake and orders his people to assist the four men with retaking the surface. The weapons they make aren’t very good, so Hank comes up with the idea of making a bazooka.

The four men go outside, alone, armed with a single rocket launcher. The Mutates are terrified of the big noisy thing. Turns out, some of the people outside aren’t mutants, but normal people enslaved by the Mutates. Deena joins them to help translate, but in the next attack, Hank gets a spear in the back, but he’ll be okay. Naga, the mutant leader, threatens to kill his normal-hostages.

John challenges Naga to an axe-to-axe fight. John is smart and has two eyes, so he wins fairly easily. John is now the “chief” of the mutates and orders the release of the slaves and hostages.

Within a few months, the underground people come up to live with the human-looking ex-slaves, who are learning English. The underground children are thriving in the outdoors. Maybe the human race will survive after all!

Brian’s Commentary

The plot borrows a lot from “The Time Machine,” and was actually sued by the Estate of H.G. Wells for infringement. One of the cast, Rod Taylor, eventually starred in the film version of “The Time Machine” (1960). The time-traveling spaceship was a newer idea, as this film predates “The Planet of the Apes” book by several years. It was also an obvious visual influence for “Star Trek,” which was also several years off.

There’s not much horror here beyond oversized spiders and one-eyed mutants, but overall, it was pretty good.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s no Planet of the Apes, but the concept is the same. A group of astronauts end up on Earth of the future. There’s no doubt this influenced that story as well as Star Trek the original series and many other science fiction movies and shows of the late 1950s and 1960s. For only an hour and 20 minutes, a lot happens in it. And I learned a new word, “palavering.” I’d never seen this one before, and I’m glad I did. It was quite entertaining.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Mercy

• Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov

• Written by: Marco van Belle

• Stars: Chris Pratt, Rebecca Ferguson, Kali Reis, Annabelle Wallis, Chris Sullivan, Kylie Rogers

• Run Time: 100 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In the near future, a detective stands trial accused of murdering his wife. He has 90 minutes to prove his innocence to the advanced A.I. Judge he once championed, before it determines his fate. Chris Pratt and Rebecca Ferguson star in the high-tech action-thriller Mercy. Own it now on 4K, Blu-ray™ and DVD.

The technology is believable, but it is a stretch to think it will be that advanced only three years from now, in 2029. There’s some suspense, with an arbitrary running clock, and a mystery being solved. It’s a science fiction thriller, certainly not horror, but the Horror Guys did their duty. We both thought it was interesting, pretty entertaining, very well made, but not quite a solid film when you give it a lot of thought.

Spoilery Synopsis

Chris Raven wakes up strapped to a chair. We then cut to an ad talking about Los Angeles’s crime epidemic and the Mercy program, which judges criminals with AI as judge, jury, and executioner. Crime has fallen 69 percent. Chris is the next prisoner who is to be judged, case #19. Judge Maddox is the AI in charge of the case.

Chris is not sure why he’s there, and she explains that he’s being tried for the murder of his own wife. He watches a video where his dying wife says he was the one who stabbed her. He pleads “Not Guilty.” He has ninety minutes to prove his innocence or he’s going to be executed.

She recites the facts, and he says she’s lying. But she has a video to back up everything she says. He claims he doesn’t remember any of it. She replays scenes of their wedding, birth of their child, and lots of fighting and arguing. He uses his phone calls to talk to his daughter Britt and partner Jaq. With Jaq’s assistance, they all go over the crime scene and evidence.

Jaq traces a phone in downtown Hollywood, which is a riotous wasteland now. She chases a sketchy chef across the rooftop and questions him. He’d been having an affair with Nicole, and they used burner phones for privacy. He also has a video alibi for the time of the murder.

We get more video that shows us Chris’s partner’s death, which was partially Chris’s fault.

He calls the affair partner again, and he has some information about Nicole’s job, maybe doing some shady stuff. There was a BBQ at Chris’s house last weekend, and it’s possible that one of the guests stayed over and hid in the basement. Could it be Nicole’s co-worker Holt, who may have been stealing UG chemicals, an ingredient in meth, from work.

Chris calls Holt, who says Rob, Chris’s AA sponsor, may have put him up to all of it. Rob was off yesterday, so he has no alibi for the murder. At this point, it seems that Chris is really on to something, so you’d expect that the judge would pause the countdown timer, but no. Instead, the judge starts stuttering and showing issues.

A search of Rob’s house shows a lab and lots of evidence that he might be making explosives, not meth. He’s got a whole container truck full of explosives, so he’s heading toward something big. Turns out, Rob’s secret brother was David Webb, the first man Chris brought to Mercy for execution. Rob’s also got Britt in the cab with him as a hostage. This is all a crazy revenge plot against Chris and Mercy, he wants to take them both out.

The judge admits her logic has failed her and Chris is innocent. He tries to talk her into helping him stop Rob. Chris and the judge work together with the police to stop Rob’s truck, which is quickly approaching the Mercy building.

The judge releases Chris, who runs downstairs to confront Rob personally. The judge offers Rob a chance to prove his dead brother’s innocence. Chris gets the drop on Rob, but at the last minute, Jaq comes in and kills him. Turns out, Jaq was behind David Webb’s false verdict and shot at Rob to cover it all up so that Mercy would be seen as a success.

Jaq is arrested, and the trial ends.

Brian’s Commentary

There’s a lot going on here with “the surveillance state” and tracking of people and devices that aren’t too far from reality, although I doubt we’ll be that far along in 2029 (the date on the videos). I think the whole idea of phoning people to testify in court is unlikely; I hang up on 80% of the phone calls I get.

There’s no follow-up to explain how it all worked out. The trial is over, and Mercy’s first verdict was discredited, but did that really change anything?

None of the characters, especially Chris, are likeable or particularly interesting. I thought the first hour was really pretty dull, although once Chris starts tracking down the real killer, it picks up quite a bit. I suspect this is one that the more I think about it, the more it’s going to fall apart.

Kevin’s Commentary

Yeah, I don’t see us being that advanced or apocalyptic in 2029, three years from now.

I spent most of the movie wondering if Jessica Ferguson as Judge Maddox was benign and neutral.

I was finding it pretty tedious for the first half hour, but I warmed to it as the story progressed. It does get moving and more interesting. The counting timer was really just a plot device to create suspense, arbitrary and no reason it couldn’t have been longer or extended as needed.

They lost me a bit at the end when Rob drove his truck into the building but didn’t immediately detonate it so Chris and the Judge had a chance to stop him. But that allowed for another twist at the end and wrap up. Overall, I’d say I was entertained, but I wouldn’t call it great.

1976 Squirm

• Directed by: Jeff Lieberman

• Written by: Jeff Lieberman

• Stars: Don Scardino, Patricia Pearcy, R.A. Dow

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Powerlines serving a small town are knocked down in a storm. They zap the ground and drive the local worm population into a carnivorous rage. It’s kind of slow-moving but it’s pretty good, building as it goes along.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that in 1975, an electrical storm knocked down a bunch of power lines that sent hundreds of thousands of volts into the muddy ground. This resulted in some weirdness, and this is that story…

We watch as the wires spark into the ground and lightning happens as credits roll. The next day, the rain stops, and we watch Geri take a shower as Roger works in the garden. Naomi, Alma, and Geri talk about the bridge being washed out, and they hear about the downed power lines on the radio.

Geri’s boyfriend, Mick, gets off the bus, since the road is blocked, and walks the rest of the way to Naomi’s truck. They stop at the store, and Mick gets a weird drink as he listens to the locals talk about the storm. Mick finds a worm in his drink. The waitress and the sheriff think he put the worm in the glass. He’s not from around here, and they all know it.

Willie and Roger, who run the worm farm, talk about all their escaped worms. Willie is not pleased, and Mick sorta gets blamed for that as well. Geri explains that the worms around here bite, and Mick admits he’s got worm-o-phobia.

Geri and Mick find a dead body, or at least a skeleton, picked clean. They bring in the sheriff, who really doesn’t like Mick, to see, but the skeleton is gone when they get back.

Back at the house, Mick and Alma smoke some pot and talk about the area; he’s got poison ivy. Later, they find another skeleton in the back of Roger’s truck– or maybe it’s the same one, they all look alike.

Roger takes Geri and Mick out on his boat fishing, and Mick doesn’t want to put the worm on his hook. Roger says he hates worms too. The worm bites Mick. Roger tells a story about how worms like electricity and how they bit off his thumb when they were little.

Mick gets off the boat to investigate the skeleton some more, leaving Geri alone with Roger. Mick steals the skull while Roger tries to show Geri his worm. Roger, in turn, gets a face full of carnivorous worms.

Mick and Alma break into the dentist’s office to try to identify the skull. Afterwards, they go back to the worm farm and find Willie’s body, now dead as well. As before, the sheriff ignores them.

Then everyone stops and has an awkward dinner. Naomi wonders why Roger didn’t come to dinner, and she’s weird about it. Suddenly, a random tree falls through the house. Turns out, a billion worms were under the tree and ate the roots.

Roger attacks Mick in the woods, and he’s a mess now. Alma wants to take a shower and accidentally fills the tub with worms. No, the whole ROOM is full of worms that spill out when she opens the door.

The sheriff and his girlfriend realize that worms exist. The worms also attack Quigley’s bar and everyone inside.

Mick returns to the house and finds a sea of worms, as well as Naomi’s body. Roger attacks again, but gets thrown into the worms and is quickly devoured. Mick and Geri climb down a tree to get out of the house.

In the morning, the power guy shows up to report that the power lines are back up, but no one in town’s answering the telephone. We see that Alma hid in a chest until the worms had gone, so she’s OK. It’s all over now… or is it?

Brian’s Commentary

What’s an egg cream?

This one is full of weird characters, and the actors mostly lean into the silliness. The number of worms used here was insane, literally causing a worm shortage since they bought all of them.

I’m not quite sure what was wrong with Naomi, the mother, who was weird and scared throughout the movie, even though she had no idea what was going on until the end. Half the house was crushed, and Mick had to walk half a mile through the woods to find a board for the window?

It’s pretty formulaic, but the humor helps. I was entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s said they used so many worms for this movie that it caused a shortage for fishermen. There are indeed mass quantities in this movie.

This is another one that I saw when it came out at the theater in 1976, and it was scarier then. It was still pretty good and entertaining though seeing it again today.

1972 Frogs

• Directed by: George McCowan

• Written by: Robert Hutchison, Robert Blees

• Stars: Ray Milland, Sam Elliott, Joan Van Ark

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A rich family, and a young pre-mustache Sam Elliot, gather on an estate on an isolated swampy island for a birthday and Fourth of July celebration. The body count rises as nature rises up and attacks, including the frogs, who mostly sit around watching. There are plenty of attacks, but it’s still on the tame side, and the ending is very abrupt. It’s just okay.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man, Pickett Smith, in a canoe, taking photos of wildlife, as credits roll. He starts out with frogs and lizards but soon gets distracted by all the floating garbage in the water.

We then cut to Clint Crockett and his sister, Karen, speeding around in circles in their high-powered speedboat. Clint’s busy drinking and driving when he nearly runs over Smith’s canoe. They at least stop and pick him up afterward and tow him to shore; Smith loses his camera and all his stuff in the process.

On shore, old man Jason watches it all with his binoculars and sends Stuart to find out what’s going on. Clint and Karen invite Smith to stay around and join in their party games this afternoon. We see many frogs around the place. Jason is combative about the photography, but the conversation soon turns towards the huge frogs on the island.

We soon get to meet the rest of the weird family. Jason is a bossy old fart, and all the others obey, since he’s the rich one. Again, they all complain about the growing frog population. Jason wants Smith to tour the island and give his expert opinion on the frog problems.

Smith does take a walk through the island woods and notices that poison has been used; there’s lots of dead birds, lizards, and other animals beyond just the frogs. He also finds Jason’s handyman, Grover, dead and covered in snakes.

Night falls, and Maybelle and Bella talk about the crazy white family. Smith returns to the big house but doesn’t say anything about finding the body; the phone is out. We see that there’s a big snake in the dining room, and Jason shoots it with his pistol. Smith does eventually tell Jason about the body.

Jason and Smith talk about living in harmony with nature; what if nature is trying to get back at them? Clint and Jenny argue about getting the old man’s money when he dies. Karen and Smith get closer.

The next morning, it’s the Fourth of July, and the family celebrates and argues. Michael goes out to see why the phone lines are down and shoots himself in the leg by mistake. As he lies there, he’s killed by spiders… and grass? Kenneth goes into the greenhouse and dies when some lizards mix up poison gas from the chemicals stored there. Meanwhile, Jason insists the family is going to have fun today, no matter what!

Smith finds Kenneth and reports to the family, which actually does interrupt the party. Meanwhile, Iris is killed by poisonous snakes and leeches while she’s out looking for butterflies; Stuart, on the other hand, comes face to face with a crocodile.

Back at the house, Jason goes back to insisting on the party, even regardless of the deaths. Smith points out that the phones are still down and there hasn’t been a boat on the lake all day– could this be happening everywhere? The servants and Bella want to leave, so Clint takes them to the boat and back to the mainland. The place is deserted; it’s happening here too. Clint never makes it back to the island. A giant turtle eats Jenny.

Karen and the kids want to leave, and Smith is in agreement. Jason, on the other hand, thinks they’re all out to get him and insists on staying home, alone. The group hops into Smith’s canoe and sets off, barely escaping a bunch of snakes.

The group makes it to shore and takes the same route the servants did. They find the servants’ luggage, but not the bodies– something got them. Smith flags down a car, and they all get in for a ride. The woman complains that she’s been driving for three hours and hasn’t seen a single person on the road.

Back on the island, Jason plays patriotic music as the frogs break the windows and get inside. Alone, he starts to realize he’s made a mistake in staying, but it’s too late.

Brian’s Commentary

Yay, Florida!

This was the first of many “Eco Horror” movies of the 70s. It was Sam Elliotts’s first starring role and Joan Van Ark’s first film. Most of the live frogs used in the film eventually escaped into the wilderness.

There’s a lot more going on here than just killer frogs, as all the wildlife on the island has turned hostile. Actually, the frogs never hurt anyone, as they seem to more the brains of the operation. Most of the deaths happen just after the camera cuts away, as it’d be nearly impossible to make a fatal turtle attack look realistic.

Kevin’s Commentary

I saw this one when it came out, and it freaked me out at the time. It’s less scary seeing it a second time as an adult. I’d forgotten it wasn’t just the frogs rising up but other critters as well.

They did the best they could with the budget they had, and the practicality of having normally harmless creatures causing fatal harm, but it’s really not a great movie. It was fairly entertaining, but just middling.

1977 Kingdom of the Spiders

• Directed by: John Bud Cardos

• Written by: Richard Robinson, Alan Laillou, Jeffrey M Sneller

• Stars: William Shatner, Tiffany Bolling, Woody Strode

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes

• Watch it:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Masses of scary, hairy tarantulas invade an Arizona farm town, and things gradually turn deadly as they step up their attacks. William Shatner, as the town veterinarian, takes the lead as things get overly dramatically worse. The movie gets made fun of quite a bit, and it might deserve it some, but they do try to take it seriously. It’s a pretty entertaining creature feature.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see lots of Arizona desert footage as the country-music-themed credits roll.

A couple admire their soon-to-be prizewinning cow out in the pasture. The cow, on the other hand, doesn’t see the vicious predators sneaking up on him…

We cut to Dr. Rack Hansen, out riding his horse doing cowboy things only with more injections. He then ropes in Terry for some hanky panky until she calls him, “John,” which is his dead brother’s name.

Rack soon gets a call from Walt, the owner of that cow we saw attacked. The calf soon dies, and Rack can’t really explain it– but he does send some blood samples to the lab. He stops at the service station, where the man inside digs through his stock of old tires and gets bitten by a spider.

Diane arrives in town and rents a cabin from Emma, who mentions that the big annual festival is coming up real soon now.

The mayor visits Rack about the quarantine at Walt’s place. He doesn’t want to panic people at the big festival in a few weeks and wants to cover it all up. Diane arrives and explains that she’s an entomologist from the university. She says the calf died from a massive dose of spider venom.

Back at the cabin, Diane and Emma meet a family of tourists. Later, in her cabin, we see a spider crawling around. She finds the spider and lets him outside.

Rack and Diane go to Walt’s farm and find Walt’s dog is also dead from venom. Walt knows all about spiders, as there’s a huge spider hill on his property. Diane explains that most spiders aren’t susceptible to poison; then they go out to dinner and talk about Women’s Lib.

Diane suggests that the spiders are readjusting their waiting habits because of the changing environment. Spiders are usually cannibalistic, but now, they’re working together to find prey. Maybe they should burn the mound?

Diane and Rack head over to Walt’s again, and Walt’s already got the gas can ready. They find a huge bull covered in spiders. Walt sets the spider-hill on fire, but it’s just the surface of the hill, so all the spiders simply hide.

Rack takes Diane to meet Terry, and Terry takes it badly. They go on a picnic, and the little girl doesn’t see the spiders approaching and narrowly escapes getting eaten.

Walt, on the other hand, decides to see a doctor to fix up his spider-bitten hand. He doesn’t see the spiders in the back seat until they’re crawling all over him and crashes over a cliff.

The sheriff calls, and he’s found 20 or 30 more spider mounds. Diane calls the mayor stupid, so that doesn’t win him over. He insists on using pesticides, which Diane insists will only make things worse.

The crop duster man takes off with a tank full of nasty pesticides. He, like Walt, doesn’t check the cockpit first. He freaks out and crashes into the gas station. Meanwhile, Walt’s wife is killed by spiders as is Terry. Rack shows up in time to rescue Linda, but Terry’s toast.

Rack, Diane, and Linda head to Emma’s lodge and get Emma to hole up there as the tarantulas assemble outside. The phones are out, since the old-style operator has been killed. We see the spiders sneaking in through the air vents.

The whole place is surrounded by uncountable spiders, and they keep finding a way inside.

Meanwhile, the sheriff drives to town, and that state fair isn’t going to happen; people are dying in droves and it’s pandemonium.

Back at the lodge, things are getting worse, as the power goes out. Rack goes into the basement to fix the fuse and gets bitten several times.

Morning comes and Rack wants to look outside. They get the radio working, and there’s no mention of spiders. Rack uncovers a window and looks outside. The whole town is buried inside webbing. It is now… the Kingdom of the Spiders!

Brian’s Commentary

They used a lot of real spiders in this one, and quite a few got squished for real. Everything is explained clearly, and it mostly more or less makes sense. The acting is mostly good, but we’re here to see spiders killing people, so does that really matter?

Of this genre of killer insect movies, this is one of the better ones.

Kevin’s Commentary

The 70s music in this one is fun. I chuckled seeing the trope of a mayor not wanting any scare or quarantine that might interfere with the annual fair, the town’s big tourist event.

Trivia points out this movie doesn’t have the disclaimer that no animals were harmed or killed in the making of this movie. And William Shatner said in a biography it was distressing how many of the spiders were killed during filming, hearing them crunch under car tires specifically. $50,000 of the movie budget went toward acquiring 5,000 spiders at $10 each.

The attacks were a little silly looking at times as people didn’t just brush or pick the spiders off while screaming and flailing about, but overall it was pretty grim and serious. It’s more entertaining than not.

2006 The Hills Have Eyes

• Directed by: Alexandre Aja

• Written by: Alexandre Aja, Grégory Levasseur

• Stars: Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin, Dan Byrd, Robert Joy, Ted Levine

• Run Time: 1h 47m (Theatrical); 1h 48m (Unrated)

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A family traveling through the New Mexico desert runs into a clan/family of cannibalistic mutants and misfits. This is a remake of the 1977 film by the same name, and follows the original pretty closely but set in 2006. It’s grim and gruesome and suspenseful. We both thought it was really good, a very good remake.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that between 1945 and 1962, the US conducted a whole bunch of nuclear tests and have since denied that any genetic defects were caused by those tests.

We cut to some scientists checking out a radioactive place in the New Mexico desert. A man runs out of nowhere and asks for help, but a big bald man comes out of nowhere and kills them all. Credits roll.

The gas station attendant grabs his shotgun and starts calling out for Ruby, who is nowhere to be found. He finds a bag of stolen goods on his doorstep, along with a severed ear, and screams, “I can’t do this anymore!” An RV drives up containing a big family that really doesn’t want to be there. Big Bob, Ethel, Bobby, Brenda, Lynn, and Doug are on a long road trip for their anniversary. Lynn sees the bag of loot, and suddenly the attendant recommends that the family take a “shortcut” through the desert.

The family drives over some tire spikes and crashes way out in the middle of nowhere. They all argue about whose fault this all is for a while. Bob and Doug decide they need to walk back to civilization, but first, we get to know all the characters a bit as they stop and pray. We see that someone out in the hills is watching them. The two German Shepherds know something’s up, but no one listens to them.

Beauty, the dog, runs away, and Bobby goes after her into the hills. He soon finds the dog, dead, and then falls off a cliff. Doug, on the other hand, finds a whole bunch of cars abandoned in a crater. We zoom in through the crater and see a suspicious-looking mine shaft…

Big Bob finally makes it back to the gas station, but the attendant isn’t there. Someone else is stalking around outside. He goes inside and snoops around until he finds the severed ear, then he draws his gun. He reads newspaper clippings about nuclear tests in a nearby mining town. There are photos of mutated children as well. He finds the attendant, but the man shoots himself before he can answer any questions. The people in the dark soon kidnap Bob and wheel him into the mine shaft.

Brenda, Lynn, and Ethel find Bobby and patch him up. Bobby knows there’s something bad outside, but he never really saw anything specific. Beast, the second dog, gets off his chain just about the time that Doug returns. Everyone shuts up the camper and goes to sleep.

It’s all very relaxing until someone throws Big Bob on the bonfire. As the family runs out to see Bob, two mutants, Pluto and Lizard, come into the camper, where Brenda is asleep, and do bad things to her. Ethel walks in, and they just shoot her– and Lynn.

Beast the dog is still alive and kills Goggle, one of the mutants we haven’t seen before. He brings Goggle’s arm and radio to the camper, where Doug hears the bad guys talking.

In the morning, Beast leads Doug to the mine shaft, and they go inside looking for the baby. Back at the camper, Brenda and Bobby work on setting up some booby-traps.

Doug continues on and finds one of those old atomic testing mockup towns, completely abandoned. Inside one of the houses, he hears the baby crying and goes inside, where he’s quickly captured. He gets loose and runs into a mutant with a giant head who explains what’s going on. There’s lots of hiding and fight, and Doug eventually stabs Pluto, which barely slows him down. Doug loses some fingers to Pluto’s axe. Doug eventually gets the best of the mutant and kills him.

Ruby, the girl mutant, has taken the baby, but Doug has killed all the tough mutants by this point. Lizard comes in to kill the baby, but Ruby steals it away from him as well and runs off into the hills.

Back at the camper, Bobby’s early warning system pays off. No, it was a distraction while the mutants stole Ethel and Lynn’s bodies. Bobby and the mutants’ leader, Papa Jupiter, have a chase that leads to Jupiter going boom in a gas explosion.

Doug catches up to Ruby and tries to take the baby back from her. Lizard jumps down and attacks him. This goes very badly for Doug, but he doesn’t die. Doug gets back up and finally becomes a badass, shooting Lizard repeatedly. Ruby then gives the baby back to Doug. In a final horror-movie trope, Lizard gets back up and points the shotgun at them, but Ruby tackles him, and they both go over the cliff.

Bobby and Brenda finish off Jupiter and spot Doug, Beast, and the baby walking back to them. The camera pulls back, and we see that someone’s still watching them, and they’re still stuck in the desert, only now with no camper or supplies at all…

Brian’s Commentary

This is a remake of 1977’s “The Hills Have Eyes.” It’s not a sequel, but a remake. It’s shot in a more modern style, looks much nicer, but is almost word-for-word the same story. There are a few differences in the way it all plays out, but it’s almost the same.

The mutants’ makeup effects are much better than the original, but they really should have fit in Michael Berryman in some way.

It was good. Not as nasty and gritty as the original, and much more polished. Still, it was well done.

Kevin’s Commentary

It did not have a happy ending exactly, but it was a win for the survivors, and he did rescue his baby. And then what happens next, I wondered, out in the middle of a desert with no water, no food, no transportation.

I don’t know how necessary this remake was, but it was very well done. It was a good watch.

Contact Info:

Email: mailto:email@horrorguys.com

Websites:

• https://www.horrorguys.com

• https://www.horrormonthly.com

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #55, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link:

https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2026 Scream 7

• Directed by: Kevin Williamson

• Written by: Kevin Williamson, Guy Busick

• Stars: Neve Campbell, Isabel May, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding, Anna Camp, David Arquette, Matthew Lillard, Courteney Cox

• Run Time: 1h 54m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Years have passed, Sydney has a new town, new home, new job, a cop husband, and a teenage daughter in her 20s. Things are idyllic in the affluent area until, of course, the killings start again. And the who-is-doing-it begins again. It’s very well put together with a strong cast, but we didn’t feel like it was much different than the rest of the series. If you’re a Scream fan, you’ll probably like this one too. If you’re tired of the Scream movies, there’s not much reason to see this one.

Spoilery Synopsis

A couple of influencers arrive at the “Stab” house. It’s a murder house based on the movie series, which was also based on the real-life murders. Numerous murders happened here, but now it’s a themed-BNB museum, with body outlines on the floor and everything. They soon come across an animatronic Ghostface and a shrine to Stu, who legend says is still alive. Scott and Madison get “the” phone call about scary movies, which is a put on for part of the tourist experience. The whole trip goes very badly after that. Credits roll.

Ben crawls through his girlfriend Tatum’s bedroom window and points out that it’s just like in the first “Stab” movie. Turns out, it’s Sydney’s house, and she’s wise to his tricks. Her husband, Mark, knows all about Sydney’s past.

We spend a while meeting all of Tatum’s friends. Lucas wants to start a podcast about Sydney’s story. They’re all involved in an unrealistically elaborate school play for the theater club. Sydney still gets calls from the Woodsboro killer, but she doesn’t believe it’s really him. The killer Facetimes her, and she immediately recognizes that it’s Stu. He threatens to do something to Tatum at the theater, so Sydney gets the whole police force involved.

Ghostface kills a girl on stage, but then Sydney shows up and starts blasting. Tatum turns out to be fine, but two of her friends are killed. Mark, a policeman, swears that Stu is really dead. Ben is a computer whiz, and he could have AI-deepfaked that video of Stu, so he’s Sydney’s main suspect.

As Sydney and Tatum argue about leaving town, the killer pops out of the attic, inside the house. They hide in a safe room, but they both decide to sneak out to see how Mark is doing. There’s a lot of cat-and-mouse, but eventually, the killer is run over by Gale, who shows up out of the blue. They pull off the killer’s mask, and no one knows who that guy is. After a bit, we hear that he’s a former mental patient with no connection to anyone. “There’s always more than one,” Sydney points out. Sydney and Gale immediately turn their suspicions on Lucas.

Stu calls, and this time, he gets Gale. Gale and Sydney go to the mental hospital to research the now-dead killer, Karl. They show the orderly Stu’s photo, and the man recognizes him as a John Doe patient who spent a lot of years there. He was released two weeks ago. Stu and Karl were close friends.

Mindy and Chad, Gale’s intern camera people, talk to Tatum and discuss their suspicions. They talk about how horror-cliched it is that no one recognized Stu after all these years. They say it’s all about nostalgia and old movie franchises.

Meanwhile, Ghostface kills Mark. Gale interviews Sydney on TV to draw out the killer. He does call, and he’s right outside where all the kids are. Sydney calls Mark, who doesn’t answer because he’s already dead. Meanwhile, Tatum finds an AI-deepfake that Ben made and smashes his face thinking he’s involved, but there’s still another Ghostface out there. Inside, Mindy points out that they are locked inside and all their suspects have conveniently disappeared. Lucas, Chloe, Mindy, and Chad all die in rapid succession.

Tatum, on the other hand, is being chased through town by Ghostface. And since there’s been a curfew established, no one is in the entire downtown to help. Ben shows up and proves that he’s not the killer– by dying. Sydney and Tatum text each other but don’t call 911. Sydney talks to Tatum about how to use a gun and to shoot through the wall where the killer is standing. As usual with a horror movie, that doesn’t kill him. On the other hand, a second Ghostface shows up and they both get her.

Sydney runs home and confronts Sydney; “Stu” unmasks himself on screen, and turns into various dead characters we’ve seen before. Eventually, we see that it’s actually the hospital worker from the asylum. Mark is there, only mostly dead, with the other Ghostface, who is Jessica, the next door neighbor and Lucas’s mother. They talk about Sydney being a scream queen and final girl.

Mark secretly cuts Tatum loose, and they turn the tables on the baddie, but only briefly. Sydney’s had enough and stabs the Hell out of Jessica, and then Tatum shoots Jessica, but not in the head. Then she does, repeatedly.

Gale shows up, along with not-dead Chad and Mindy to report on the story.

Brian’s Commentary

I like that everyone suspected that the Stu calls were AI-faked; I’ve never seen anyone in a movie go down that route before.

We’re just spinning our wheels with this whole franchise at this point. There’s really not much new going on here. It’s well-made, highly budgeted, looks good, but there’s absolutely nothing new here.

Kevin’s Commentary

That was a very affluent high school.

There were some updates using current technology, but it just mostly seemed like more of the same. I can’t fault the quality. The cast, effects, sets, everything were top notch. But the Scream movies all kind of run together for me, and a little weariness is creeping in. Oh look, there’s more than one killer, and they have crazy reasons for taking over the Screamface persona. This didn’t do much to excite me.

2026 I Know Exactly How You Die

• Director: Alexandra Spieth

• Writers: Mike Corey (Screenplay)

• Stars: Rushabh Patel, Stephanie Hogan, Bobby Liga, Summer Hernandez, Zachary Leipert

• Runtime: 90 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a horror writer working on a slasher story checks into a motel to get some work done on his book, the lines between reality and fiction start blurring. The problem he finds is that a writer can’t control every single thing in the world, and things get crazier as the story progresses. Who is really in charge? It’s got an ideal location where most of it takes place, the acting is good, the effects are effective, and it’s a clever script. We both thought it was quite good and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man does laundry as another man comes in behind him and kills him excessively with a brick. Credits roll.

Rian, a writer, checks into a motel to self-isolate to get some work done. He tends to overshare and is a little bit of a creep. He gets to work writing his horror novel about Katie getting killed.

We watch as the real Katie parks her car at the very same motel and goes into a really sketchy restroom. A man comes in and has some kind of seizure, and she rescues him. She and Naja, the motel manager, watch a news report about Katie’s neighbor, who turned out to be a serial killer. Actually, she’s come to the motel to be away from the killer, who is still at large. As soon as she goes into her room, we see her stalker approaching the door with a brick…

Rian takes a break from his writing and goes outside to the indoor pool. As he swims, he thinks about Katie’s story some more. Someone steals his clothes, and then he’s attacked and kidnapped. No– he’s just dreaming, passed out on the pool room floor. Katie comes and helps him as well. Maybe that was all a dream.

Rian’s neighbors have sex 24/7, so he wants to change rooms. The new one is smaller and not as nice. He gets back to work. In another room, a woman is sick and doesn’t notice the killer breaking into her room. As the woman runs out of her room, Rian thinks he can actually hear her screams and looks out his window. He watches the woman be murdered out there, but then, when he goes outside, there’s no one else there. Could the story he’s been writing have come true?

Rian goes to Naja about the maybe-murder, and they look around the parking lot. Turns out, the woman is staying in the motel’s “haunted room,” where murders have happened before. The man who stayed there wrote down “his intrusive thoughts” and then killed his family. Rian thinks the motel makes written stories come true.

Rian tells his agent that he can “take control of my story.” Katie finds evidence that her stalker is in the area and tells Naja about it. She runs into Rian, who asks her if anything weird is going on. They find a room with the killer’s stuff in it and then hide as the stalker pounds on the door. They both find their cars sabotaged, so they can’t leave. It’s not long before they wind up in bed together.

Rian decides to “write them out of this” and gets back to work. He writes the scene we already saw with the laundry guy getting killed. He also kills the other woman we’ve seen in a nearby room. Katie finds another note, along with a bloody brick. Rian and Katie find the murderer’s room, but it’s got more victims than Rian’s story, so he loses confidence that he’s the one really in charge. The story is now writing itself.

As Rian rants to Naja and ends up restraining her in the closet. The serial killer gets her shortly afterward. Katie looks at Rian’s computer and reads the story, which is all about her. Rian tries to explain the story-thing to Katie, and she thinks he’s insane.

Rian writes that the stalker catches and sedates Katie. He then writes that the hero, Rian, storms in and saves the day. In the real world, the stalker grabs and strangles Rian.

The killer has filled a bathtub full of his victims’ blood and wants Katie to soak in it. This goes badly for the killer.

Rian finishes typing his story, but then she injects him with the same sedative the stalker used. Then she sprays him with bear spray. He put her through a lot, and she wants revenge…

Brian’s Commentary

There’s some CGI gore that’s pretty cheap-looking, but otherwise, the characters and situations are interesting and well done. This was all shot in and around a cheap motel, so they didn’t spend much on sets, which was smart on their part.

It was definitely confusing in a few parts, but it all resolves well. I liked it.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was especially impressed with the clever script. Rian does his best to write and manage his story. But there are a lot of details and free will and things happening in the background of a book, and Rian finds out there’s no way to control it all.

All the other aspects of it got the job done. I thought it was an entertaining piece.

2026 Night Patrol

• Director: Ryan Prows

• Writers: Tim Cairo, Jake Gibson, Shaye Ogbonna, Ryan Prows

• Stars: Justin Long, Jermaine Fowler, RJ Cyler, Dermot Mulroney, Freddie Gibbs, CM Punk, YG, Flying Lotus, Jon Oswald, and Nicki Micheaux

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 43 Minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

An L.A. cop is hot to get on the special Night Patrol section, and when he does he finds out they are indeed very special. It takes a little too long to get to anything that’s supernatural or even really horror, but once it does it goes full tilt. We went into it blind, but there are plenty of hints that it’s a vampire movie starting with the fangs on the poster. It’s a unique take on the genre, dealing with class and race. We both thought it was on the long side with a weak start, but good overall.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man in a police interrogation room, and he’s got a knife stuck in his side. A cop walks in and makes him sign a paper before he can get medical attention.

We cut to the same guy on a bicycle, painted with “Cripboy” on the side, who meets a woman in a car under a bridge. He gives her a ring and says it was his mom’s. She doesn’t want to get too close to him because of his gang affiliation. Suddenly, a police car shows up behind them and makes them both get out of the car for a search. Ethan gets out of the back of the police car and executes the girl. The guy makes a run for it, but when the cops see his ring, they back off and let him go. Credits roll.

We cut to Ethan, in uniform, talking about being a cop and “bad apples” to a bunch of kids. Suddenly, a gang member comes into the room, shoots Ethan, and terrorizes the class. No– it’s all just part of the show; the “gang member” was his partner, Xavier Carr, in a mask. We follow along with them on a few runs. Xavier used to be a Crip, but now he’s a cop.

Ethan asks Carr about a bicycle with “Cripboy” painted on it, and it might be Carr’s brother. He calls his brother, Wazi, who is the guy who ran into trouble last night. Afterwards, Wazi goes to see Bornelius, another gang guy, to tell him about the cops shooting Bornelius’s sister, Primo. They’ve all heard about “The Night Patrol,” and what they do.

The group goes to the scene of the shooting and finds pieces of the dead girl. Bornelius says there’s demonic energy in this place. They all talk about various conspiracies.

Ethan tells Carr that he’s gotten into the Night Patrol, but they’re all white guys, so Carr isn’t going to be invited.

Wazi goes home and argues with his mother, who gets angry over the ring. He tells her about what happened to Primo last night. She knows all about Night Patrol, and they’re not good people.

We cut to Night Patrol, out executing black people. Carr talks about his whole family being Crips; his and Wazi’s mother is into all kinds of weird African Voodoo stuff, and Carr says she’s crazy. Ethan says his dad was Night Patrol and died because of it. Ethan wants answers, which is why he wanted into the Night Patrol.

Ethan goes off with the Night Patrol guy, Deputy, and he’s got lots of background on Ethan’s military experience. Sarge is in charge of the Night Patrol unit, and he wants Ethan in. He’s ordered Ethan to take Wazi’s brother’s bike home to him– and then shoot him. Wazi recognizes him as the cop who shot his girlfriend. Ethan comes out and tells the deputy that Wazi wasn’t home.

Ethan gets taken to see Sarge, who is the leader of Night Patrol– and also Ethan’s “dead” father. He’s been reborn, or so he says. Ethan knows his father is dead. He talks about “Death defeating Death.” Sarge cuts his own wrist and makes Ethan drink his blood. “Drink it and live forever.” Then Sarge shoots him four times.

Carr talks to his supervisor about getting into Night Patrol. He says he’s a better cop than Ethan, and it’s not fair. He’s told to “Prove it.” Carr gets a new partner, Rivetta, and he’s weird.

Wazi’s mother wants help fortifying the house against demons. The neighbors think she’s crazy, too. Wazi calls Carr about the murder he witnessed. At the meeting, Carr’s mother kills Rivetti, and her friends beat up Carr. Meanwhile, Bornelius’s group of Bloods arms up and gets ready for war.

Sarge gives a speech to the members of Night Patrol and wants them to show Ethan how it’s done. He commands dead-Ethan to “Rise. Learn how to use your gift.” Ethan then wakes up. Their plan is to clean up the whole Colonial Courts neighborhood. Bornelius comes to Wazi’s house and declares a cease-fire with his mother, Ayanda; they all want to beat the Night Patrol.

Carr wakes up and heads to Colonial Courts, meeting up with Ethan along the way. Ethan’s not feeling quite right, but goes along. The rest of the Night Patrol puts metal vampire-fangs into their mouths and start blasting. As they kill people, they drain them of blood and fill tanks with the stuff.

Ethan can’t help himself as he bites Carr on the neck and drinks his blood. Wazi sees all this, and Bornelius shoots Ethan in the back, but that doesn’t stop him. Wazi tells them that they’re dealing with vampires, not lizard people.

Deputy terrorizes the prisoners from the neighborhood.

Wazi and Bornelius are taken prisoner and taken to a bunker to be bled out. Ethan shows up and goes against Deputy. Wazi uses the opportunity to escape. Sarge talks to Ethan telepathically, and loses control of his own body. He’s forced to drink blood, but he’s soon staked through the heart. .

Ayanda explains the vampires to Bornelius and Wazi; this is an old African Zulu thing.

Ethan wakes up; the stake through the heart didn’t kill him. He goes to the tank of blood and gets supercharged.

Ayanda tells Wazi where to find her guided missiles before she dies, but all that’s in the box is a Zulu mask and spear. His ring glows green, so he decides to go with the Zulu magic.

Wazi comes out to fight the Night Patrol in full Zulu warrior outfit. He confronts Ethan, who decides to go full-evil at last. They fight, and it looks like it goes badly for Ethan.

We cut back to the interrogation room from the opening scene. Wazi’s been stabbed and needs help. He tells the captain about the vampires. The captain knows all about the vampires and takes him to Sarge. Wazi pulls out the dagger from his side and stabs Sarge in the head, causing him to explode. Now he’s gotta beat all the others…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s nearly an hour before anything supernatural is introduced. We went into this one blind, not even knowing what kind of monster we were dealing with.

It’s got lots of racial tension, gang tension, ACAV tension, and lots more. If you want “gangs vs vamps,” this is the movie for you.

Kevin’s Commentary

I liked that it was a unique take on vampires, tying it in with cops and the hood, class and racism. It took too long to get to the good stuff, and it started to feel long. Then the ending was abrupt, and it could have used more. I wish some of the beginning could have been trimmed back, and more action tacked on to the end.

2024 The Wailing

• Directed by: Pedro Martin-Calero

• Written by: Isabel Pena, Pedro Martin-Calero

• Stars: Ester Exposito, Mathilde Ollivier, Malena Villa

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 47 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In different times and locations, an invisible entity that only shows up on film stalks and torments several young women. It looks really good, with skilled acting and direction, but the story and explanation is a little lacking. It moves slowly, mostly steadily, and then ends kind of abruptly. Neither of us found it very satisfying.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open up to a woman at a party. She meets a guy there and they go to a dance club. As the strobes come, she has some kind of attack.

We cut to a small family having dinner. The oldest girl, Andrea, asks if there’s any news, and the father says no.

Andrea, 2022

Andrea’s in the middle of some Facetime sex with a boyfriend when the power goes out. On the way home from school, she hears someone crying, but there’s no one around on the street. Her boyfriend, Pau, is in Sydney and having a good time without her. She sends him a selfie, and he says he sees someone else in the room with her. She looks at the video, and there is someone there behind her. It’s just her father… maybe.

Andrea’s father talks to her about her adoption process back in 1999. They all live in Madrid, but she’s from Argentina, which displeases her. Also, her birth mother is dead. When Andrea researches her mother, Marie, she reads that she was a murderer who killed her friend Camila.

She looks at videos on her phone, and a lot of them have someone dark and shadowy standing in the background, just out of sight. Pau wants her to come visit, and they talk over a video call. She sees someone dark standing behind him in the video. This time, the figure comes out and beats Paul to death right on camera as she watches.

She tells her friends, but no one really believes the man who only exists on the camera is real. She starts sleeping with her camera on. We watch as the creepy man lays down next to her as she sleeps.

Two months pass, and her parents are concerned about her phone addiction problem. Andrea thinks there is something about her birth mother, Maria, that no one is telling her.

Walking home at night with her friends, they all heard the wailing in front of that same building. This time, she goes inside to investigate. Andrea sorta remembers this building from Argentina. Something bad happens in the dark, and Andrea gets locked inside with “the man.”

Camila, 1998

We cut to Camila in a film class, and she’s the smart one in the room. This is Camila, in La Plata, in 1998. She takes a bulky video camera out into the world to film “something real.” She sees an interesting-looking girl and follows her around for a while. The girl turns out to be Marie. The teacher doesn’t like the resulting video.

While out shooting, she hears a wailing cry near a familiar-looking building. She sneaks back to film Marie some more, and this time, she sees the same creepy bald man that we saw in Andrea’s video. He shows up again in several of the previous videos that she hadn’t noticed before.

Camila goes to the dance club looking for Maria and they soon become friends and spend the night together. Maria says she’s cursed and thinks she’s going crazy. Camila finds a used pregnancy test in the trash. Marie’s father talks about her mother to Camila; crazy seems to run in the family, but he won’t get specific.

Camila shows the videos to Maria, and she doesn’t know anything about the creepy old man. Suddenly, something invisible kills Camila and starts fondling Marie, just like in the video.

Marie

Marie, still in shock over all that, runs off, leaves her mother to find Camila’s body. She tells her father about the old man in the film, and maybe he’s the one who made her own mother crazy. He explains that no, her mother killed herself.

She goes to that same abandoned building and breaks in. The place is empty, but she still hears crying. The place seems to be full of crying ghosts, including her mother. The old man appears and then throws her out, where she’s arrested for murder…

Back in 2022, Lisbeth, Marie’s sister. Gets a call about Andrea from Andrea’s mother that “it’s happening again.”

Lisbeth 2023

The story continues, but the film does not.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s really slow moving, but it continually ramps up the mystery. Who is this weird old man and why does he keep showing up on video?

It’s well made, and the locations are interesting, but there’s not much here, plotwise, that we haven’t seen before, and it’s just way too sluggish.

And then it all just kinda ends. We don’t know who the old man is, why this is happening, and why that family gets to suffer.

Kevin’s Commentary

So, there’s a strange old man who is invisible and only shows up on video. But he can abruptly kill people and move things in the physical world because… We’re never told who he is or why he is and there’s nothing that could be done against him. Perhaps he’s supposed to be a metaphor for grief and madness or something but I didn’t pick up on that.

It’s a well made, well acted, well directed movie that failed to connect with me or impress.

1995 Ice Cream Man

• Directed by: Norman Apstein

• Written by: David Dobkin and Sven Davison

• Stars: Clint Howard, Justin Isfeld, and Anndi McAfee

• Run Time: 1h 26m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Little Gregory is institutionalized after seeing an ice cream man killed in front of him. So, when he grows up and gets out, he becomes an ice cream man himself. And despite being out, he’s not at all sane. It’s weird and over the top. There is a body count and some horror for sure, but it’s oddly paced and dated. Brian was substantially more entertained by it than Kevin was.

Spoilery Synopsis

We start in black-and-white times, as a car pulls up and the man inside shoots the ice cream man in front of a bunch of children, including little Gregory. “Who’s going to sell me ice cream, Mommy?” he asks. Credits roll.

In the modern day, the ice cream man comes to the neighborhood, and it’s Gregory, all grown up. He growls at the children and makes them say “Please.” His ice cream has bugs in it.

Small Paul is reading about the Pied Piper, and that’s probably not going to be relevant later. Gregory watches a man spearing trash in the park and flashes back to his own treatment at the asylum. He then kidnaps little Roger and kills a dog. Johnny’s mother gets a call about Roger’s disappearance.

Gregory lives with Nurse Wharton, who is his caretaker. The police ask him about the missing child. We see that Gregory makes his own ice cream, using chopped-up children as ingredients.

Heather goes home and watches her reverend father get his mother to speak in tongues. Small Paul goes to the ice cream truck alone, and Gregory is weird. As Gregory grabs Paul and loads him into the truck, Tuna sees it all. Hiding, Tuna comes across Roger, who escaped from Gregory.

Tuna starts seeing Gregory everywhere and knows he’s being followed. Tuna finally convinces his mother that he’s seen something, and the police soon show up to search Gregory’s place– with an axe. They tear the place up extremely thoroughly, but they don’t find anything at all. Detective Gifford still thinks Gregory is involved, even without evidence.

Gregory has Small Paul hidden in a secret room, but he hasn’t hurt him. He talks to him and gives him butter brickle. Tuna, Johnny, and Heather pledge to bring Gregory to justice, but they’re just kids, so that’s gonna be hard. They follow him to the cemetery, where he disposes of a body. The police also follow him there. No, it’s not a body, it’s ice cream that he’s putting on the grave of the Ice Cream King, the man we saw gunned down in the opening scene.

Tuna and Johnny shoot at the cops, who pick them up and take them home. Heather takes some photos, and we get a great scene as she takes them to a place to get developed (how archaic!). Meanwhile, Gregory shows Small Paul how to make ice cream.

The police go to the asylum and learn that Gregory was Nurse Wharton’s favorite patient. They see all kinds of weirdness in the hospital. It’s a great place to be institutionalized.

Gregory grabs Tuna off the street and locks him in the truck’s cooler. “You’re ice cream!” he snarls. Johnny’s older brother Jacob wants to be a cop, and he has a gun. Gregory kills Jacob’s girlfriend, “Now that’s what I call brain freeze.” Johnny and Heather hide, but they end up getting a “puppet show” from Gregory using two dead cops’ heads.

The kids run to Nurse Wharton’s house to hide, and she lets them inside. She turns them over to Gregory right away. Small Paul pretends to be the Ice Cream King and lures Gregory inside the gigantic, oversized nut-chopping machine that chews him up good.

The next morning, the police are all over the place, and Nurse Wharton is still looking for her dog. The kids have invited Roger to join their group, but Small Paul has gone to therapy. He’s going to be the next Ice Cream Man…

Brian’s Commentary

This is a weird one, full of odd choices and goofiness.

It’s got really cheesy dialogue and funky acting, but it’s also got a lot of recognizable faces doing small cameos, and everything looks purposefully over the top. It’s oddly paced and feels a little out of date and slow.

It’s clearly making fun of horror movies, but it’s not a straight-up comedy. It’s like all the humor is derived from just how ridiculous this all is, rather than specific jokes.

It’s a little unusual, and it does have problems, but I was also very entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

Everything about the movie is strange. And I’d go as far as saying it’s interesting. Clint Howard is a hoot, and there are a lot of recognizable faces. But I was a little bored and not very entertained. Though I did appreciate how horribly funny it was when he was using the cops heads as puppets.

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2026 Death Name

• Director: Réi Talas

• Writers: Réi Talas and Regina Kim

• Stars: Amy Keum, Kevin Woo, and Vana Kim

• Runtime: 81 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A young woman of Korean descent tries exploring her family history and accidentally awakens a family curse that followed her grandma to America. It is slow-moving and talky with some suspense and story that builds to a climax. But it’s low on scares, and neither of us were very impressed with it. It’s just middling in pretty much every way.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on an old news report of General Eisenhower and the Korean War. A pregnant woman hides in the closet as a strange man in a hat walks in to find a woman hanging from the ceiling. The man in the hat finds the woman in the closet, and she screams. Credits roll as we see Korean immigrants coming to America.

It’s Sophie’s first day of university, and all the good classes have been taken. She asks her mother why they never bothered teaching her Korean, and she doesn’t even have a Korean name. It’s something her grandma wanted. Grandma overhears part of the phone conversation and freaks out. Her father texts her that she was, in fact, given a Korean name, but there was a fight over it. She wants to know her name, and he sends it to her, in Korean text, which makes her phone blink with static.

Brian, Kwan, and Ari meet Sophie in class, and they’re all friendly. Professor Lee runs the Korean History class. Some of the students want to be called by their Korean names. She asks them for help translating her Korean Name, since she can’t read Korean. When Kwan tries, the power goes out.

Sophie goes home on a break and eats with the family. Grandma is especially interesting, asking the same question repeatedly– she must have some dementia. She mentions thinking about going by her Korean name now, and Grandma insists that she doesn’t have a Korean name– excitedly. Sophie’s parents explain about some of Grandma’s history– her great-grandmother killed herself, which was a big scandal in Korea. Grandma says there’s more to it than that; she’s been trying to protect the whole family from the family curse. “Don’t speak that name!”

Sophie goes to a nearby bar and meets Jun, a single guy from Korea. He tells her that it’s never too late to learn Korean. They talk a lot, and he walks her home for a kiss. Later, Ari says Sophie isn’t a real Korean; it’s just trendy for her– she’s been whitewashed.

Sophie and Jun have another date, and he admits that he’s got baggage too. Something keeps dripping through the ceiling in Sophie’s dorm room.

On the next break, Sophie takes Jun home to meet her parents. Her parents are normal, but Grandma’s taken a turn for the worse. Jun has brought a gift from Seoul for Grandma, and when she sees it, she screams. It’s pearls– no, it’s berries. She calls him an evil spirit.

As they talk later, Sophie tells him her Korean name, Park Joo-Hyun. This leads to kissing and sex for some reason. Later, she hears voices calling that name. All her photos of Jun are blurry, but only on his face. Is he real?

Sophie gets a flashback to her great-grandmother and the man in the big hat, who has a melted face. When his face is intact, he looks like Jun. Sophie gets a call from her parents; she needs to drive home and check on Grandma. Turns out, Grandma is right there on campus to warn Sophie about the curse. Sophie drives Grandma home, which is a mess.

Grandma tells the story about her mother, the man in the hat, and Sophie’s new boyfriend, who knows her Korean name. One of her ancestors caused Jun to kill himself and become a ghost. We see that opening scene again, with more detail this time. She moved to the USA and took a new name; he couldn’t find them under a different name. Now, with Sophie speaking her true name out loud, the ghost has found them.

Sophie has to go out to pick up more of Grandma’s medication, and leaves her home alone. When she gets home, Grandma is unconscious on the floor. At the hospital, she sees Jun in the room, and he’s angry. He wants Sophie to be his bride in the afterlife, and she volunteers. She wants 48 hours to tie up loose ends before going with him, and he agrees to the terms.

Sophie talks to Professor Lee about some old family tree documents she needs to translate. Back in 1902, Jun committed suicide, and the family had his name cut out of the records. Sophie then runs to the Korean records library, which is closed for construction, and breaks right in. Ari follows her to see what’s going on and helps translate what they find.

Ari says Sophie’s name, and the ghost finds them immediately. Jun lets Sophie choose the manner of her death, and she chooses poison. Ari helped her find the ghosts’ true name, and she says it aloud. Suddenly, Grandma jumps out of bed, and Sophie accidentally cuts her throat. Jun the ghost vanishes.

Later, Sophie rubs her belly. She’s got Jun’s baby inside there…

Brian’s Commentary

If you don’t like this movie, you’re not a real Korean. OK, maybe you are, I dunno. A lot of the film seems to revolve around what a “real” Korean is versus a second- or third-generation immigrant.

I suspect the doctors are going to suspect foul play when they find Grandma’s throat cut in her hospital room.

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t find it particularly compelling at all. The backstory of the curse, the deaths, none of it was particularly interesting.

Meh.

Kevin’s Commentary

There’s a lot of talk and not a lot of scare here. The Korean culture things were kind of interesting. The whole movie was kind of interesting, but I wouldn’t go much further than that.

I’d call it just okay over all.

2026 Cold Storage

• Director: Jonny Campbell

• Writers: David Koepp

• Stars: Georgina Campbell, Joe Keery, and Liam Neeson

• Runtime: 99 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A semi-retired bioterrorism agent gets called back into action with his sidekick when a deadly fungus gets on the loose. Throw a couple of civilians into the mix, and hilarity ensues. This one has lots of humor and body horror. It’s juicy and gross.

Everything was well done, and it’s entertaining, but it’s not super original. There’s a lot here we’d seen before.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told about Skylab and the debris that mostly burned up in orbit. Some of it hit the Earth.

In Western Australia, 18 years ago, Enos rushes to make a phone call. Dr. Martins in Rome gets the call. “Something came out of your tank! We’re all dying!” The tank is NASA’s, and she doesn’t know much about it. 27 hours later, she arrives there to investigate. Robert Quinn arrives on the scene with Romano; they’re military of some sort. There was an O2 tank from Skylab that fell down here, but it had a parasitic fungus on it. We sent it up there in the first place, but what came down wasn’t the same thing.

The three check out the small town where the “outbreak” has taken place. There are no people. They soon find the tank and check it out. Dr. Martins quickly figured out what happened. Someone was trying to clean the tank and accidentally fed the thing inside. The creature finds its way into her through a hole in her boot. Then they find all the townspeople on the roofs of the buildings, dead.

Quinn calls in the military to burn the town to the ground. Martins has one sample in her bag and another in her foot. It acts really fast and takes over her mind. She shoots herself. As credits roll, the town is destroyed and the sample is taken to a secret research facility where it’s put into Cold Storage.

Years pass, and the facility shuts down and is eventually sold. Teacake drives to the new self-storage facility, which is the re-tasked cold storage place from before. He works security there, and his boss, Griffin, wants to do something illegal. He talks to Naomi, a new employee about how awful this job is.

An old woman comes in and wants to access her unit. She goes into the unit and finds her gun; this is her anniversary, and she’s thinking of shooting herself. She takes a nap first.

In North Carolina, Robert Quinn gets a phone call about the sample. There’s an alarm about a temperature change at the storage facility. He’s soon on the way to the facility.

Teacake and Naomi hear a beeping inside the wall and want to investigate. They break open the wall and see the same alarm that Quinn was notified about. There’s a whole wall of control-panel stuff back there. Naomi wants to explore the place’s sub-sub-basement, where the lab is. It takes a while, but they get there.

Naomi’s crazy boyfriend Mike drives up outside, and he’s more or less a stalker now. He calls her, but she doesn’t get the message due to being so far underground. Also, he’s got someone dead in the trunk of his car. It’s not a body, it’s a cat who appears to be infected. It climbs to the roof and explodes a load of spores that infect Mike, a deer, and gets the ball rolling.

Naomi and Teacup open the vault and go inside. They find an infected “rat king” on the ground. They nope right out and head back upstairs.

Quinn talks to Abigail and Jerabek, who explains that the man in charge of the cold storage unit died a year and a half ago. Jerabek is in charge now, but he doesn’t believe there’s any real problem here. Abigail takes it more seriously and wants to help Quinn.

We get a flashback to several years ago as the fungus broke out. It infected a cockroach just a few hours ago that got outside and into Mike’s trunk and the dead cat. Meanwhile, Naomi and Teacup watch the infected deer, which explodes. Mike shows up, and he’s acting very strangely. He starts shooting, which wakes up old Mrs. Rooney, who was asleep in her unit. Naomi calls the government agency whose name was on the vault door.

Quinn lands and meets with Romano, from the old days, and they have equipment to pick up. They get Naomi’s call. Naomi and Teacup argue about whether or not zombies are real. Outside, Quinn’s criminal friends arrive to steal stuff. They come upon the deer carcass and the hole in the wall. Ironhead, The Rev, Garbage, Cuba, and Dr. Friedman come inside to loot 4K TVs.

Mike finds and pukes all over Cuba, Garbage, and Ironhead. The Rev hears the action and just drives away. Old lady Rooney shoots Mike in the head, causing him to explode.

Teacup and Naomi get outside and run into Quinn, who has a mini-nuke. He gives the young couple hazmat suits and sends them down to the lab to place the nuke. Quinn stays outside to kill anyone who tries to leave the building. When they get down to the lab, they find that the timer is already counting down. Can they make it out in time?

Teacup, Naomi, Quinn, and Romano limp to the car and try to get away from the blast.

The bomb goes off, and it’s a BIG one. It turns the whole facility into a mile-wide crater.

Some time passes, and Abigail visits Quinn in the hospital. Naomi and Teacup are a thing now.

We then cut to another deer in the wild that explodes into green stuff.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s got loads of fairly big stars and recognizable faces in it. It takes zombie action, contagion action, and a little “Die Hard” action and mixes it all up with fun characters and a crazy setting. There’s not much new here, but it combines old tropes into a fun mix.

It’s billed as a horror comedy, but it didn’t seem all that comedic to me. It was good, though.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought the casting was especially good in this one. It’s well made, but a bit formulaic. Everything is well done, but I didn’t feel like there was a lot new here that I hadn’t already seen before. It was entertaining though.

2013 Stranded

• Director: Roger Christian

• Writers: Roger Christian, Christian Piers Betley

• Stars: Christian Slater, Brendan Fehr, Amy Matysio, Michael Therriault

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Four astronaut miners on a moon base get clobbered by meteors. Which would be bad enough by itself, but the meteors bring an alien lifeform that dials the peril and body horror up high. Miscommunication and bad choices help move the somewhat predictable plot along, but the effects are good, as is the acting. The sum total is a pretty good movie that Kevin was more entertained by than Brian.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on the moonbase ARK, with four crew. It’s day 187 of the one-year mission. There’s an incoming meteor storm, and it blasts the base. The rocks keep falling, and there’s lots of damage. Commander Gerard Brockman wants to evacuate back to Earth, but suddenly, a meteor hits them right in the control room. Credits roll.

They all work on damage control for a while. Ava Cameron goes into a damaged section to seal a leak, and she finds a piece of a meteor embedded in a machine. That goes badly, but she does bring a piece of the meteor back to the inhabitable area; it’s got an unusual spore on it.

It’s going to be several days before an evacuation ship arrives, so they have to patch up whatever’s left. The spore starts growing, and it’s obviously of alien origin. Ava works with the spore, and she’s got a cut on her hand, so we know where this is heading now. She almost immediately starts feeling weird but doesn’t tell anyone.

Bruce and Lance find her and examine her; she’s suddenly very pregnant. They put her into a very loose kind of isolation. The thing inside her grows very fast, and she has nightmares. Then the real thing comes out, and it’s even worse. This brings about lots of arguing about what to do next.

Ava wakes up to find some kind of monstrous baby feeding from her, and she doesn’t react well. It bites Bruce and runs off. Lance insists that Bruce and Ava are hallucinating from the bad air in the place. Bruce starts hallucinating that he’s infected as well after the bite. We see the creature growing and mutating into something fully grown and humanoid; it looks like Bruce, only naked and slimy.

Bruce keeps imagining seeing the alien creature, but no one believes him. He unties Ava from the “quarantine” room and lets her out. Gerard finds out and sedates her, but not before she stabs him with a scalpel. Meanwhile, the alien doppelganger kills Bruce, makes it look like a suicide, and steals his clothes.

Lance finds Bruce’s body at the same time Gerard is attacked… by Bruce. They have no choice but to release Ava to help them find the alien. The alien then traps Lance in an airlock and he gets blasted out on a very slow timer.

Gerard and Ava decide that now that there’s only the two of them that they can take the escape pod. This requires all manner of running around and packing supplies.

Soon, there’s a big three-way brawl, and the alien gets in the escape pod, launching in one minute. Can they stop it? No– the rocket blasts off toward Earth.

With only 17 minutes left to live, the escape shuttle arrives. Can they run to the shuttle with no air for three-and-a-half minutes?

We cut to Earth, where the escape pod has landed. There’s no one inside and no tracks. Not far away, the creature is mutating again…

Brian’s Commentary

These may be the dumbest space-people who ever lived. None of them know what “quarantine” means. They know there’s something alive on the base, but they all keep pretending it isn’t. Ava gets infected by an alien spore and doesn’t report it at all.

The acting is fine, the sets are good, and the creature effects are effective. The overall plot, however, requires all the characters to make every stupid decision in the book. It’s pretty predictable and more than a little dull after it gets going.

Kevin’s Commentary

It starts right out with the meteor clobbering and doesn’t let up with one damn thing after another.

For a group of astronauts isolated on a base who would have been highly vetted and trained, they don’t communicate well, and they make some dumb decisions.

The pluses outweighed the negatives overall though, and I was more entertained than not.

1986 Monster Dog

• Director: Claudio Fragasso

• Writers: Claudio Fragasso

• Stars: Alice Cooper, Victoria Vera, Carlos Santurio

• Runtime: 84 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A rocker returns to his hometown with his crew to shoot a music video, and they find a town infested with killer dogs. But there are supernatural forces at work, and they aren’t just ordinary doggies. It’s not awful, but there’s nothing really noteworthy either. It’s generic and pretty forgettable.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Vincent Raven making a music video. He sounds and looks a lot like Alice Cooper. We get most of a whole music video with him, then we cut to later, while he’s in a van with Sandra, talking about how terrible it was. He wants to make something more original. They’re all heading back to his ancestral home; he hasn’t been home in decades.

Meanwhile, at the big house, the caretaker investigates some strange noises. It sounds like a dog has gotten into the house. Turns out, it’s a whole bunch of snarling, growling dogs. In the van, Vince and his friends talk about hearing about the wild dog problem in the area. Vince and the sheriff have a weird history. The sheriff warns him about the dogs– there have already been five deaths to those dogs. Back in the day, something happened with Vince’s father, and the locals remember the incident. As soon as Vince’s group leaves, the sheriff and deputy are killed by a nasty-looking dog.

Vince hits a dog with his car, and they all stop to help. Vince finishes the dog off with a blow to the head. A creepy old man comes out and says, “Now you’ve done it. Now he’s back at last. He will command the hounds, and all of you will die!” He’s fun. Vince and Sandra get a glimpse of the monster in the woods.

The group arrives at Vince’s family home, but old Joss, the caretaker, is nowhere to be found. Vince grabs a shotgun and investigates the upper levels of the house. Angela senses that they’re all in danger and horrible things are about to happen. She has a weird nightmare where she sees Vince as a werewolf who kills all of them. When she tells Vince about it, he doesn’t laugh.

Vince pulls out a big book about werewolves and explains to Sandra that it’s related to some kind of heart condition and that werewolves do exist. His own father was accused of being a werewolf; he would go out under the full moon and kill animals. The locals eventually caught and killed Vince’s father.

In the morning, the group sets about getting started filming their music video, the reason they came here. We soon get a second musical number (This is better than the first one). Suddenly, in the middle of the song, they find the caretaker’s body.

Angela wanders off into the countryside, and Vince goes looking for her. At the same time, a group of locals cut the phone lines and talk about killing Vince. They want in the house to wait for Vince, but Sandra doesn’t like their looks. Frank and Jordan invite the group inside for beers which turns into a mistake almost instantly.

Lou, the leader of the troublemakers, explains that Vince is a werewolf, and he intends to kill him. Lou explains what really happened with Vince’s father, and he’s convinced that it wasn’t a mistake. Vince controls and commands all the wild dogs in the area; that’s his special power.

Vince and Angela return to the house, and Lou shoots Angela dead by accident. The men play hide-and-seek with Vince and shotguns. Meanwhile, the pack of wild dogs arrives outside. Vince eventually shoots all the bad guys, but by this time, the dogs are inside the house.

The dogs tear up Frank and Jordan, but suddenly go away, as if they’ve been called. The big dog wants in, and he’s going to break in the door. Yep, it’s the werewolf, and the dogs obey him. Things get hectic, quickly.

Soon, it’s just Sandra and Marylou locked in a room as the werewolf tries to get them. Vince shows up, and the werewolf vanishes. Marylou puts two and two together and decides that Vince is the monster; where was he during all the attacks? Vince definitely has a calming presence on the wild dogs, who sit and whimper when he’s around.

The group runs out to Lou’s car after retrieving the keys and drives off. They don’t notice right away that Marylou is dead and the monster dog is in the backseat. Sandra jumps out the door, and Vince crashes the car.

Sandra goes to the crash scene, but doesn’t find Vince or the monster. The creepy old man shows up, apparently a minion of the werewolf, saying “We have a new king!” before dying.

Sandra finds Vince, and he warns her to stay away. He is a werewolf, at least now. He wants her to shoot him. As he turns into a werewolf, the monster dog comes out of the bushes. She shoots Vince, and everything gets calm immediately.

We get the opening musical number again, this time overlaid over a retrospective of scenes from the rest of the movie.

Brian’s Commentary

The dubbing is really poor here, and it detracts from all the performances. The story is pretty formulaic, and the film is very low-budget.

They used a bunch of real dogs for this, but the werewolf is basically a mask in the dark or a mask in the fog; we never get much of a look at it. The monster dog, which isn’t the werewolf, is a big puppet.

Overall, it’s a very generic 80s international horror film.

Kevin’s Commentary

The old man is the least subtle harbinger ever; he was awesome.

It’s said that no one did their own dubbing in the film, and the only time we hear Alice Cooper’s real voice is during the musical numbers. It’s strange seeing him just being a normal looking and acting guy when we usually see him being freaky and made-up on stage. But it would have been better with their own voices or at least better dubbing.

I had never even heard of this movie before. And I can see why. It wasn’t too bad, but it was very bland and forgettable.

2018 Godzilla: The Planet Eater

• Director: Kōbun Shizuno, Hiroyuki Seshita

• Writers: Gen Urobuchi

• Stars: Mamoru Miyano, Takahiro Sakurai, Tomokazu Sugita, Yūki Kaji

• Runtime: 91 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is the third in the anime trilogy of a fully science fiction Godzilla movie set in the future. This one has much less action than the second movie, and a lot more talk about philosophy and religion. We thought it was okay, on the weak side for a finish.

Spoilery Synopsis

Metphies narrates about how the Exif have been watching humanity since long before Godzilla appeared. He talks about humanity’s need for heroes, religion, and God. He thinks the hero that humanity needs is Haruo Sakaki. Credits roll.

Martin talks about Godzilla and the other monsters’ origins. Maybe humanity’s whole purpose all along was to create the monsters. There’s arguing between the Bilusaludo and human leaders. After the previous battle, Yuko is now brain-dead, but not completely dead. Some of the humans have come to the conclusion that Sakaki is being divinely guided somehow. God is watching over them all, and he might be speaking through Sakaki.

Martin points out that the Hauta treatment that Sakaki got was what saved him from the nanometal. Metphies is fully aware of this, but he promotes the religious ideas of the others anyway. Metphies’ god is supposedly capable of beating Godzilla. Metphies explains that only Sakaki can summon their god to Earth– by using his hatred.

Up in orbit, Dolu-Do and the Bilusaludo revolt and take over the mothership by force. They want Sakaki’s head, so Sakaki has to go into hiding, and Maina, one of the Hauta twins, offers to help. Meanwhile, Metphies uses the religious crystal thing he had repaired in the previous film to send a signal into space.

Metphies and Miana discuss their telepathic abilities. He then does something bad to her. Maina, the twin, senses that something has happened to her sister. The Exifs, on the planet and on the spaceship, hold rituals, and all the human followers call upon their god, named Ghidorah, to come to them.

Ghidorah hears and arrives quickly, killing the human followers one at a time. Yeah, it’s that Ghidorah, coming through a black hole that suddenly appears. It surrounds the mothership and pulls it toward the black hole; time gets messed up and the whole ship explodes spectacularly.

Sakaki quickly comes to the conclusion that Metphies is crazy and has sold them out. As the disturbance from space reaches the planet, Godzilla wakes up again and heads toward the trouble. Godzilla blasts it with atomic breath, but it bends the ray away with his gravitational field. The human’s machines don’t pick up the new monster at all; is it real? Does it not have a physical form? All three of the glowing yellow monster snakes grab onto Godzilla.

Sakaki confronts Metphies, who explains everything. The Exifs have travelled around the universe, choosing planets for Ghidorah to eat, like the Silver Surfer and Galactus. They all basically have a death wish for the entire universe. As he rambles on, Godzilla’s body temperature goes up, but the energy is going somewhere else. Sakaki gets a vision of the people who have died fighting Godzilla.

Meanwhile Miana grabs Professor Martin and takes him to the Hauta’s base. They talk to the Great Egg inside. After about a month’s worth of exposition, Sakaki turns against Metphies and smashes his magic eye.

Suddenly, Godzilla is able to physically touch Ghidorah, and the big yellow monster is now visible on the humans’ sensor. Godzilla then, quite easily, defeats the three-headed monster from space. Metphies dies, and Sakaki cries.

The human survivors go to live with the Hauta and learn their natural ways. Professor starts the nuclear reactor on a crashed vulture. He can use the nanotechnology to rebuild civilization, which Sakaki realizes is the pathway to destruction, just as before. He takes Yuki’s body and steals the vulture. He flies into Godzilla.

Brian’s Commentary

This is the third of the anime trilogy. The appearance of Ghidorah is treated like a big reveal, but he’s right there on the movie poster, so that wasn’t a shock. Mothra never really did make an appearance other than a sort of telepathic messenger.

This one is very talkie, with Metphies’s explanation seemingly going on for an hour. Still, the series overall has a lot going on, with many details and interesting ideas. I guess at the end, they all learn to live with Godzilla, which is weird.

I liked the first two films of the trilogy a lot, but this one was just slow moving, too philosophical/religious, and not that much actually happened beyond all the talking. It was a weak ending to a trilogy that started out pretty great. Overall, I still liked the trilogy, but the ending really brought it down a lot.

Kevin’s Commentary

Summoning an even bigger and worse monster to fight Godzilla. What could go wrong?

I didn’t care for the first movie that much. I thought the second one was really good. So I thought the third would be even better! It’s not. There’s too much talk and not enough action. The animation is still cool and equal in quality, but the script isn’t nearly as entertaining. It wasn’t a strong finish to the trilogy.

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2026 Bone Keeper

• Director: Howard J. Ford

• Writers: Howard J. Ford

• Stars: Sarah Alexandra Marks, Louis James, Tiffany Hannam-Daniels, and John Rhys-Davies

• Runtime: 96 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of seven young folks explore a cave infested with creatures that arrived thousands of years ago by meteor. As you might guess, it goes badly for them. The basics are laid out right away.

The effects look very good and it was entertaining. We both enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch a meteorite crashing down as credits roll. Whatever it is, it’s got tentacles and slithers into a cave. It’s 400,000 years ago, and the cavepeople of the time fear it since it eats them.

In 1976, a woman narrates about her grandfather, a journalist, who went exploring in a cave. He sees cave paintings and skeletal remains. Then the monster gets him.

In the present day. Professor Harrison looks depressed. “I’ve killed him. I killed her, too,” he yells.

Olivia and Annabelle want to go search for her mother, who has gone missing while investigating the grandfather’s disappearance; the police aren’t doing enough.

They, and their friends, a group of monster hunters, head to the remote location and pick up Ashley, a travel blogger. They’re off to find the “Bone Keeper.” With the addition of Ashley, the trip just got a lot less scientific. Ethan, Nick, and Ravi plan to find the monster, and maybe get lucky with the girls in the process.

The group goes to the local pub, and everyone watches them as they come in. They look at all the “Missing Persons” posters on the wall. They’re here to meet Professor Harrison, and the locals are strangely hostile.

Harrison knew Olivia’s father, and he warns them not to go into the caves. Everyone who has ever gone in there has… stayed in there. He really doesn’t want to tell them which cave has the monster; too many people have died. He even has Olivia’s grandfather’s film footage of what happened in the cave. He even thinks the monster is an ancient alien.

The next morning, the seven characters go to the cave that Harrison told them about. They climb, crawl, and do all the usual cave-explorer-y things. They find some slime, and Ravi looks at it in the microscope he’s apparently carried into the cave with him. Ashley stays behind to film some vlogging stuff and the monster grabs her. For some reason, the others can’t hear her screaming as it rips her apart.

The others find some hair with a bit of skull attached, so they know someone has died in this cave. Nick goes looking for Ashley, but he finds what killed her instead.

Ravi and Nadia actually see one of the tentacles and get all excited. When it grabs and kills Nadia, they get even more excited.

Ravi catches up with the others and reports what he saw. There’s a whole nest of the alien creatures down here. They find a huge mound of slowly digesting merging melted bodies, including Olivia’s mother.

They decide it might be a good time to head for the exit, but now they’re lost. They find the exit, and Ethan even gets a few photos of what’s left of Nick still crawling around.

Outside now, Olivia, Annabelle, and Ethan tend to Ravi’s severe wounds. “It gets inside you. It becomes you,” Ravi rants. Ethan calls Harrison and sends him all the footage he’s taken.

The tentacle-monster attacks the girls in the campsite, outside, and Ethan runs to help. It drags Ethan and Ravi back down into the cave. When Olivia and Annabelle see just how big the thing is, they run for the road, but Annabelle is grabbed next.

Olivia hears her mother singing and prepares to go back inside. She goes through all the caves, back to the big digesting mess, and retrieves her mother’s necklace.

Outside, Harrison and the military show up and plant explosives at the cave entrance. They shoot at the many monsters inside and find Olivia, still alive. Then they blow up the cave entrance.

Six months later, Olivia wakes up in the hospital, and the doctor says she’s pregnant. They do an ultrasound, and it’s a little baby tentacle monster. Nope-just a nightmare. She’s with the soldiers and Harrison, who says blowing up the caves may not be the end of the creatures.

Naturally, for the final shot, we see that it’s definitely not over.

Brian’s Commentary

None of these people are spelunkers or regular cave explorers, and yet none of them are claustrophobic or terrified by the caves alone.

Despite being specifically warned to stick together, the group continually splits up so that one person can die at a time. One after another, they die, and no one else ever seems to hear the screams. That’s nowhere near as stupid as Olivia going back inside the cave after seeing what the creature really is.

The creatures are pure CGI, but they are really well done. We see more of them than I expected we would, and they all look good. John Rhys-Davies is too old to be climbing around in caves, but he still has a significant amount of screen time here.

Other than the stupid choices the characters made, the film is really very good!

Kevin’s Commentary

One point that deeply troubled me was the way there would be attacks and rock collapses causing much commotion, and the others who were not that far away in the cave heard absolutely nothing or very little.

That aside, the story is basic but pretty effective I thought. The creature and gore effects look really good, slimy and creepy. The cast does a nice job with it. There’s some issues here and there, but all in all I’d call it a win. I was very entertained.

2026 Dead Lover

• Director: Grace Glowicki

• Writers: Grace Glowicki, Ben Petrie

• Stars: Grace Glowicki, Ben Petrie, Leah Doz, Lowen Morrow

• Runtime: 83 minutes (1 hr 23 mins)

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A lonely and smelly gravedigger laments she can’t find love, then finds a man who adores her just as she is. And when she loses him, she goes to extremes to bring him back from the dead. This was a fun story with lots of chuckles and some real horror at the core. It’s unique, with the look of a stage play, and we both really enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that this is done with “Stink-O-Vision,” where a number appears on the screen at various points, and we’re supposed to scratch-n-sniff at various times.

A strange-looking woman plants seeds as credits roll. She’s a grave digger and doesn’t smell very good. She’s trying to make a perfume to hide the smell of death on her. She tries to seduce the priest at a funeral; her perfume doesn’t work. When no one shows up for the funeral, the gravedigger tells us all about the too-generic dead woman.

Three old women with big hair talk about the gravedigger and the dead opera singer. We cut to the funeral and the woman’s weird funeral guests. The opera singer’s brother runs off in anguish and is attacked by a wild wolf, but the gravedigger saves him. He smells her and doesn’t hate it; could it be the smell of the wolf’s blood that makes her attractive to him?

The two go for a wash in the ocean, and he “wants to lick your stink. I want to shower in your rot, the feast on your fetid funk. I want to pick up a piece of your poo and eat it like a banana.” (Which Kevin notes might be his favorite monologue and following sex scene ever.) He might be a little weird, but then she has sex with him while holding her shovel.

The two get very close and talk about their needs and dreams. He leaves her because he can’t have children; he goes overseas for an operation to possibly fix that. His postcards are quite descriptive. In the meantime, she works on growing a rosebush to make her smell better; he loves her because of the stink. On the way home, he’s lost at sea, all but his finger. Some foreign fishermen find the finger and bring it to the gravedigger.

We-have-Johnny-Depp-at-home lights his opium pipe, and dreams of the dead opera singer, his wife.

The gravedigger gets the finger returned to her, but she’s not really willing to let her dead lover go. She thinks about the flowers and fertilizer; can she re-grow him? She starts catching lizards and stealing their regeneration-juice. She injects the finger with lizard-elixir and creates a whole Frankenstein’s Lab setup to bring him back. It works– sorta. The finger comes to life and grows… into a very long finger.

What can a lonely woman do when her lover is only one long finger? Well, yeah, that.

The finger wants a body, and the gravedigger is well-equipped to get one. How about the dead man’s sister, the opera singer? She grafts on the special finger to the dead woman’s corpse and zaps it with lightning power.

The opera star with the very long finger doesn’t look too happy to be alive at this point. She likes the lizards more than the gravedigger. The three tall-haired women go to the Dollar-Store-Depp and tell him that the gravedigger has dug up his dead wife; they also tell the priest. He goes to the gravedigger’s house and sees his undead wife there. They fight, sword vs shovel, and shovel wins.

The opera star’s husband takes the gravedigger hostage as the opera star hooks up with a blind fisherman. The gravedigger gets out of her restraints and runs off into the night. The priest, the tall-haired women, and the foreign fishermen all come after the gravedigger as an angry mob. She makes a stink that knocks the priest right out. The widower also comes to her defense and kills the tall-haired women, the foreign fishermen, and the priest.

The gravedigger finds the opera star with the long finger and realizes she’s been cheating on her with the dead, blind fisherman. The opera star gives her the finger, fatally.

The opera star makes her own dead-finger creation and lives happily ever after.

Brian’s Commentary

Note that we didn’t have a Stink-O-Vision card, so the whole Stink-O-Vision didn’t do much for us. I did fart a time or two, and that livened up the show, albeit only briefly and without much variety of scent.

There’s only a cast of four actors who play all the various characters. The sets and lighting are all very plain, giving it a very stage-play look. It’s very obviously made with a super low budget, but they still use a lot of interesting camera shots and lighting to make it visually interesting. The dialogue is ridiculous and perfect at the same time.

I wasn’t expecting much from the trailer, but it’s very funny, paced well, and super creative. I liked this a lot.

Kevin’s Commentary

The sets and the way it’s filmed and the costuming seem very much like a stage play, and actors playing multiple characters add to that vibe. I saw that it was actually filmed on a couple of black box stages, and Grace Glowicki (who co-wrote, directs, and plays the lead) wanted the vibe of experimental theater. Mission accomplished.

I wish we had our Stink-o-vision cards. They are real, I read about them online, but I couldn’t find where we’d get some. We had to imagine the smells. And it is a very smell-focused movie. So marketed only to theaters? Will home releases come with cards enclosed?

I thought it was great. Raunchy and funny, making some real horror something to laugh at. The writing is terrific. My only complaint is a big feature/gimmick of the movie that we couldn’t participate in because it was a home screener.

2026 The Kinderhook Creature: In the Shadow of Sasquatch

• Director: Seth Breedlove

• Writers: Bruce Hallenbeck (Author of the companion book, The Kinderhook Creature and Beyond: A Personal Reminiscence)

• Stars: Bruce Hallenbeck, various eyewitnesses

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 12 Minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s a documentary profiling a town in New York called Kinderhook that has a long history and maybe a big hulking creature lurking around in the woods. Bruce Hallenbeck gives us first hand memories of the place. Neither of us had heard of this cryptid before this viewing. The film is well put together, weaving in some Washington Irving history and the past of a really old town. There’s plenty of UFO talk too for folks who are into that. It was interesting and well put together.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man talking about his grandmother living in what might be a haunted house. Kinderhook is an old rural town north of New York City, an hour southeast of Albany. We get some initial history of the town, founded in the 1600s, and famous people who have some affiliation with the area. This was the source of “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” story.

Bruce Hallenback’s story soon turns to the Hudson Valley’s cryptids. There’s been lots of UFO activity there, as well as a white energy “blob” he found in 1962. His father tells us his own experience with the white blob. There is a bit of discussion about ghosts, poltergeists, and hauntings in the area.

The Kinderhook Creature, basically Bigfoot, is up next. We get an old video of Bruce’s grandmother talking about the creature on an old interview show in the 70s. Something was stealing her trash and taking the food out of the bags. Also, she saw the creature sleeping in the backyard once. Turns out, lots of people in the region had seen something like that creature and it started to become famous.

The rest of the film is Bruce and various family members telling us stories of their supernatural encounters…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s another of the “Small Town Monsters” documentaries, and we’ve done a bunch of these by now. It’s a collection of interviews, re-creations, and stories about a creature that I’ve actually never heard of before. As always, the production values are good, the visuals are decent, and the interview subjects are interesting.

The majority of eyewitnesses here are members of Bruce Hallenback’s family, which is a bit suspicious, but overall, the story is well told and kept me entertained for the runtime.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was very well put together weaving in Bruce Hallenbeck’s memories of the place with other folk’s stories and oral histories. I was expecting just Bigfoot stuff, but there’s ghost and UFO stuff too. He even manages to throw in a leprechaun story. So it covers a lot.

It might be kind of cool living somewhere with your yard backed up to the woods where you might see deer and bear and big mysterious creatures.

I thought it was interesting and entertaining.

2026 The Strangers: Chapter 3

• Director: Renny Harlin

• Writers: Alan R. Cohen & Alan Freedland

• Stars: Madelaine Petsch, Gabriel Basso, and Ema Horvath

• Runtime: 91 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The carnage continues with this conclusion of the reboot/trilogy/sequel/prequel. Maya from the previous two movies is still on the run, and we get some flashbacks showing the origin of the Strangers. Quite a bit is explained, but some points you really don’t want to analyse too deeply. We both felt this was the best of the three, with the most going on and the most backstory. And there’s not an after credit scene, but the closing credits are very cool.

Spoilery Synopsis

It is three years ago, when a woman goes to a cheap motel and the woman behind the counter is a little off. That night, there’s a knock at the door. “Is Tamara here?” Dollface takes the woman and ties her up for some wholesome torture. “Why?” “Because you’re here!” Scarecrow and Pinup watch her work and kiss. Credits roll.

Back in the present day, Maya watches as Scarecrow looks at the dead Pinup’s body and hacks at her with his ax. They all get in their truck and drive away, leaving Maya on the road. Not long after, Sheriff Rotter drives past, but Maya hides from him.

Maya comes to an old church and runs into creepy Gregory there. “Relax. Nobody has a mask here,” he says. She’s pretty sure he’s Scarecrow, but it’s not absolutely clear, because he lets her leave. She runs into the sheriff outside, and she has to go with him this time. He’s over-the-top weird at every turn, and she ends up stealing his car.

She soon crashes the car into a tree because she’s in a horror movie– right next to Scarecrow was apparently waiting for her. He throws her in the back of his truck and drives off.

We get a flashback to the trial for Tamara’s murder. The boy is Sheriff Rotter’s son. A few weeks later, the boy and his friend kill a hiker in the woods, and Rotter helps them dispose of the evidence. “I’ll fix it. No more townsfolk, you understand?”

Dollface and Scarecrow take Maya to an old lumberyard. Scarecrow turns on the shredder and puts Shelly/Pinup’s body into it. He then hits Maya with the ax.

In the morning, Maya’s family arrives in town looking for her. They ask the whole group at the diner, but no one says much. The waitress, Annie, says she’s sad that it’s all happening again; non-local people often go missing around here. She says the sheriff knows everything.

Deputy Walters wants to call in the State Police, and the sheriff kills him. Maya’s sister and family watch the sheriff carry Howard’s body out of the morgue and follow him.

Maya wakes up, not dead, to find that Scarecrow has tattooed a smiley-face on her, just like they have. He makes her put on Pinup’s mask. Then he leans in for a mask-to-mask kiss, which she doesn’t like.

Twelve years ago, young Scarecrow and Pinup scout out victims at the truck stop. They follow a pair of likely victims to the motel and do the whole “Tamara” thing. When they go in, the woman inside has already killed her boyfriend.

Back in the present, Maya, in the Pinup mask, rides along with Scarecrow and Dollface to the motel and they make her do the “Tamara” thing. They insist that she kill one of the people inside. As Scarecrow hacks up the man, Maya uses the opportunity to kill Dollface. He then makes Maya kill the woman in the motel room.

The sheriff realizes he’s being followed and leads Maya’s sister, Debbie, to the sawmill; he calls Scarecrow to meet him there. The PI that Debbie hired goes into the sawmill and finds the meat grinder– and the sheriff, who shoots him very dead. Scarecrow kills Debbie’s husband and drags her to the truck where Maya is and kills her too, as Maya watches.

Scarecrow unties Maya and leaves her alone in his truck with Debbie. She starts to drive out of town, but then decides to go back. Somehow, she knows to go to a huge underground maze of dungeons and tunnels with electricity out in the woods. She finds the sheriff there and shoots him a few times.

Maya goes to a room full of candles and photos and sees a sort of shrine to all the victims. Scarecrow comes in behind her and sits down. “I freed you,” he says. He takes off his mask, and it’s Gregory. (Which was not a surprise at this point.) “All these years, you’re the only one who’s survived.”

Everything Maya cared about is gone, and she came here to kill him, but now she reconsiders. “You’re all that’s left.” They start getting romantic, at least until she stabs him. As he lays there on the floor, she grabs his ax and finishes him off.

Maya walks off into the woods, but she’s carrying the Scarecrow mask as she goes. Will she continue as… The Stranger?

Brian’s Commentary

None of the locations in this movie (or the previous one) ever have any other people around, even the busy motel is empty, like the hospital in the previous film.

In this conclusion, we finally get answers as to how this all got started and who the people involved really are. I don’t see how the sheriff could possibly have covered up that many deaths, but I guess that’s a minor thing to nitpick about with some of the stuff going on here.

The soundtrack was very good, as was the casting. Richard Brake should have won some kind of award for creepiness in this one.

Still, this episode explains it all, has a lot of action, and things actually happen (unlike the second film), so all in all, it’s the best of the three.

Kevin’s Commentary

I do appreciate that there was more to the trilogy than just the home-invasion-slowly-torment-and-kill-a-couple formula of the original. On the other hand this was three full length movies that probably would have been fine with just one long one.

The casting was excellent for the young versions of the Strangers, the resemblance was strong..

This third movie was the best of the three, with the most steady action, explanations, and a wrap up. Or maybe a new beginning.

2017 Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle

• Directed by: Hiroyuki Seshita, Kobun Shizuno

• Written by: Gen Urobuchi, Sadayuki Murai, Tetsuya Yamada

• Stars: Mamoru Miyana, Takahiro Sakurai, Kana Hanazawa

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 41 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is the second animated movie in the trilogy after “Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters,” and continues the story right where it left off. Far in the future, Earth belongs to Godzilla and humans returning to the planet hatch a plan to get rid of the big lizard once and for all. But since we know there’s a third movie, things are still left unresolved. The animation is cool, the story is gripping and full of action, it entertained us both.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear a report from Earth’s surface that now there’s another Godzilla. It’s been growing for 20,000 years and is the size of a mountain. His heat ray is powerful enough to kill them in orbit, so they retreat to the moon. Credits roll.

Sakaki wakes up, surprised to still be alive. He quickly meets up with a human survivor from Earth. The humans must have adapted to the changed atmosphere. He follows after the strange girl and wonders where his crewmates have gone.

Yuko’s group shoots at the girl, and Sakaki shows up right after. Then others show up and surround the group and lead them away to an underground city. Professor Martin is there, and he’s made some observations about the human-ish descendants.

Two of the natives are twins, and they seem to be telepathic. They aren’t happy about the bombings that the humans did before landing. Godzilla is the ancient enemy of their god. There are several subspecies of Godzilla now; most of the lifeforms in the forest now shares some of Godzilla’s DNA.

The group is released to find a landing ship and signal the mothership. The twins go with the group. They fight some monsters and reunite with Metphies, the Exif; they soon call for an evac. Galu-Gu and Belu-Be, the Bilusaludos, come up with a plan to beat the big Godzilla. They want to use the nanometal from the locals’ speartips. The self-regenerating metal was originally used for Mechagodzilla, but that didn’t work out so well. They all decide to search for Mechagodzilla and see how that turns out.

They find an entire city made of nanometal; it’s grown here from Mechagodzilla’s carcass. Yes, it’s “Mechagodzilla City.” The Hauta twins call it “Sinister. Evil. Poison.” The group enters the city and finds the head of Mechagodzilla. They reactivate it, and it starts to regenerate the control center.

Sakaki explains his plan to capture and kill Godzilla using the whole city as a trap. They build a new flying weapon, the Vulture, and they want to use it to lure Godzilla into the trap.

Professor Martin has noticed that the people who were treated by the Hauta seem to be feeling sick, as if their treatment and the nanometal aren’t compatible. Metphies also doesn’t like the whole idea of the nanometal, and they’re all starting to get a little creeped out. There’s also some friction between the Bilusaludo and Exif ideas. Metphies explains that his own world was destroyed by a monster far worse than Godzilla, but we don’t hear its name.

The Bilusaludo want to join with MechaGodzilla city to evolve into a superior life form. Some of them are volunteering to join with the machines. The city starts thinking for itself, and that might be trouble.

Meanwhile, the Hauta talk about their egg.

Godzilla notices the city and approaches. Everyone gets ready for a big battle. Sakaki and Yuko fly out in three vultures to slow him down. They lead him to the trap point and spray Godzilla with liquid nanometal as planned. They shoot and shoot until Godzilla’s shield collapses, then they shoot him with an EMP harpoon. Godzilla collapses but doesn’t die.

The barometric pressure suddenly changes; Godzilla’s not exploding, his temperature’s rising. It’s going to melt the city, and the vultures can’t get close enough to hurt it.

Galu-Gu becomes one with the machine and tells Yuko and Sakai that they need to join the nanometal as well. Yuko starts to change, but Sakaki’s body rejects the change. Galu-Gu and Metphies get into a philosophical argument about the war, and Sakaki has to make a decision. Sakaki blows up the command center and Galu-Gu as well.

Godzilla gets up, and he ain’t happy. He wipes out what’s left of MechaGodzilla City with his super-atomic-breath. Sakaki lands his vulture, but Yuko dies from the half-completed conversion.

Brian’s Commentary

This picks up immediately after “Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters.” It has the benefit of not needing to explain the whole situation and characters this time, but it’s definitely still the middle of the story. There’s lots of action, and it’s easy enough to follow and understand what’s going on at all times.

I liked it.

Kevin’s Commentary

I am impressed with how detailed and rich the animation is. And I enjoyed this one much more than the first movie in the trilogy. There was less gibber jabber and more action.

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2025 Whistle

• Director: Corin Hardy

• Writer: Owen Egerton

• Stars: Dafne Keen, Sophie Nélisse, Nick Frost

• Runtime: 97 minutes (Note: some sources report up to 108 minutes)

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of young people come into possession of a cursed whistle that summons the future death of anyone who blows it or hears it. So they learn about the magical situation as they are getting picked off one at a time.

It’s a little formulaic, but it’s well made and above average in quality. We were both entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a basketball game with the Stalkers versus the Wolves. One of the players, Horse, sees something weird up in the audience. As he makes the winning shot, he sees someone who appears to be on fire that scares him off back to the locker room. The player runs into the locker room and smashes an old-looking urn as the smoky-ashy-man approaches. It sets him on fire in the shower. Credits roll.

Six months later, Chrys argues with her cousin Rel about unpacking her stuff. It’s her first day of high school after moving here. She’s assigned Horse’s locker and some of the kids take offense to that. We get to meet some of the other “kids” of the school, as well as a teacher, Mr. Craven. Also, Chrys may have a bit of history. Grace tries to be nice to the new girl, but doesn’t get any support.

Inside Horses’s locker, Chrys finds all Horses’s stuff, still there, including that ancient urn with an ugly skull-whistle inside. She’s about to blow it when the bell rings.

Mr. Craven looks at the whistle, and it’s got ancient writing on the side which he just happens to be able to read. Someone Googles the script and says it means “Summon the Dead.” He blows in it to see if it works and it makes the mirror shatter.

Chrys meets Noah, a youth pastor who invites her to church. He’s very sketchy– no, he’s also a knife-wielding drug dealer. Meanwhile, Rel steals the whistle off Craven’s desk. Not long after, a bloody bald man crushes Craven’s lungs and makes him lose all his hair.

At Grace’s houseparty, Grace blows the whistle, and they all cringe at the sound. Ellie is nice to Chrys and invites her to the harvest festival tomorrow night. Chrys soon develops a crush on Ellie.

Later that night, Grace works on her homework next to the pool. She hears someone scrabbling around on the deck and checks it out. She gets a jump scare, but that’s all.

The next morning, Rel and Chrys arrive at school and hear about Craven’s death from lung cancer last night.

Chrys and Ellie go to Horse’s house to return the whistle to his parents. His mother, Ivy, is broke and has to sell all her possessions. She’s very self-obsessed. “You didn’t find it, it found you,” she says about the whistle. It doesn’t say “Summon the dead,” it says “Summon YOUR death.” It shows you how you’re going to die. It brings Death to you earlier; you die in the way you were meant to, but much sooner than intended.

Could Mr. Craven have used it like Horse did? Ellie works at the hospital, so she checks on Horse’s death records. Horse’s dental records show that he was in his forties, but he was really just seventeen. He would have died in a gas leak at age forty. Mr Craven would have died of lung cancer eventually, but it happened last night because of the whistle.

It’s time for the harvest festival, and it’s quite a party. Rel and Grace are there. She buys some weed from Noah, who then tries unsuccessfully to sell some to Chrys. Meanwhile, Grace goes into the scare maze and runs into a terrifying old woman who chases her. It catches her and she ages seventy years in a matter of seconds.

Ellie and Chrys explain the whistle to Dean and Rel; they all heard the whistle, so it’ll be coming after them as well. Dean doesn’t believe any of it until he gets home and sees himself after a drinking and driving death.

Chrys tells Ellie about how she OD’d last year and her father died on the way taking her to the hospital. This leads to a makeout session. Meanwhile, Rel has visions of his death at the steel mill.

The next morning, they all go back to see Horses’ mother about Choka, the whistle of Death. She says there’s no way to stop it, but they can change its course. “Give your death someone else’s life. Offer Choka a new sacrifice. Mark another with your blood and you will be spared.”

Alone in his bedroom, Dean dies from a massive traffic accident in the grisliest way possible.

Meanwhile, at the church, Rel has decided to trade Noah’s life for his own to break the curse. Noah takes his gun away, but Rel knows he’s not going to die that way. Rel knocks him out and takes him to the steelmill. Chrys and Ellie show up and talk Rel out of marking Noah with his blood. The invisible steel-chewing machine then kills Rel as the girls watch.

Chrys says they summoned Death and have to die– but they don’t have to stay dead. Ellie’s a diabetic, and she’s got enough insulin to kill both of them and then revive. Ellie injects Chrys, she dies, and then Ellie resuscitates her.

Noah, meanwhile, breaks out of where they had him tied up, and he works on getting into where the girls are.

Noah gets in with his gun as Ellie lays on the floor dying. She’s bleeding out, but Noah dips his fingers in the puddle like it’s a religious experience. Yep, he’s marked with Ellie’s blood now. His own Death comes after him, and he doesn’t escape it.

Three months later, Chrys is back in high school and she’s with Ellie. We cut to another girl opening a locker and finding the whistle inside…

Brian’s Commentary

I went into this one blind except for knowing a cursed whistle was involved. I liked it quite a bit. The casting, soundtrack, and deaths were all good, and the plot was fairly unique. The film leaves it wide open for a sequel, and it was good enough that I’d watch it if there was one.

Kevin’s Commentary

The basic formula seems familiar. A group of friends in their 20s still in high school get their hands on a magic object that kills them off one by one in unique ways. I thought they milk things out a bit, but overall it’s well made and entertaining. The effects are excellent, the cast is good as are all the technical aspects.

I’d call it above average for this type of movie.

2025 The Strangers Chapter 2

• Director: Renny Harlin

• Writers: Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland (Based on characters by Bryan Bertino)

• Stars: Madelaine Petsch, Gabriel Basso, Froy Gutierrez, Ema Horvath, Ella Bruccoleri

• Runtime: 98 minutes

• YouTube Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Immediately after Chapter 1, survivor Maya wakes up in the hospital and has a peaceful recovery. Okay, not really, the Strangers are still after her. There’s lots of chasing and incidental body count. The Strangers are persistent, and we get hints about their origin. And then it stops and says, “To be continued.” Yep, that happened.

Spoilery Synopsis

As credits roll, we get flashbacks to the three “Strangers” killing a man in the woods. We cut to Maya, from the previous film, who wakes up in the hospital. She describes them and tells the story to Sheriff Rotter, who is still creepy. She wonders who “Tamara” is that they kept asking about. The people in the local diner speculate about the killers, and they’re all suspicious-looking themselves. We cut to an angry little girl who has a doll that looks like Dollface.

That night, at the hospital, the place is nearly empty. Maya gets a phone call, “Is Tamara here?” Then there’s screaming out in the hallway. Suddenly, the lights go out, and her cell phone stops getting reception. Soon, she sees Scarecrow wandering around with his axe. Fortunately, it appears that Maya is the only patient in the huge hospital. Soon, they’re all playing hide-and-seek in the hospital’s basement workings.

She hides in the morgue, in the same drawer as her dead fiancé, Ryan. This works pretty well, so she gets away from the hospital and runs outside into the rain. She runs into a woman who tells her that the sheriff isn’t going to help her “Because he’s–” and then she dies. Maya runs into a horse farm or stable to hide.

Running back outside, she’s picked up by two women whom Maya obviously doesn’t trust, but at least they have a car. They pick up two guys on the road, and she finds it all very suspicious. It’s all very tense. She panics and jumps out of the moving car and back to the woods.

As the sun comes up, Maya uses a stolen first aid kit to sew up the wound in her side, screaming all the while. Somehow, the three baddies have tracked her to this location as well, even though there are miles of forest between where Maya jumped out of the car and where the bad guys were left behind. Instead, Maya gets attacked by a wild boar, which is pretty random.

She’s having a really bad day. But not as bad as the pig.

Pinup comes across the scene and has a flashback about playing with baby pigs herself.

Maya makes her way back to the murder cabin from the previous film and grabs a knife, some clothes, and food. She meets a man who says he’s with the State Police, and they get into his car. He doesn’t last long before the masked women kill him.

She hurries to another house, with a strange man inside, and passes out. When she wakes up, Turns out this is the house of the two men from the car she was in earlier. Gregory is creepy, but the women say it’s fine to ignore him.

Family has sent an EMT to pick up Maya at the house, but he stops at a gas station and maybe tells the wrong person where he’s going.

Back at the house, Gregory explains that this stuff has been going on for years, and she’s the only one who has survived. After a few minutes, Pinup arrives and tries to break in. Dollface, however, is already in her bedroom somehow. She makes it outside to find the EMT’s ambulance and his dead body outside.

Pinup is waiting inside the ambulance, and they have a quick fight. She dies. Later, Scarecrow takes off her mask, and we see a face inside; it’s– I have no idea who that is. We get another flashback to the creepy, animal-killing little girl. The little girl kills Tamara, another girl whom she was jealous of. The little boy sees what she’s done and smiles.

To be continued.

Brian’s Commentary

Takes place immediately after the first film in the reboot series. Ever notice how deserted hospitals in horror movies get at night? It’s like doctors, nurses, and patients all go home at closing time.

The film is mostly just Maya running from one bad situation to another, with The Strangers ahead of her at every turn. There’s lots of suspense and tension, but not really much in the way of a plot, except for watching bad things happen to Maya.

You know how in many horror movies, there’s a part in the middle where everything just drags a little bit before the exciting finale? This whole movie is that draggy middle part.

A waste of time.

Kevin’s Commentary

The hospital made for a good cat and mouse setting for Maya vs the killers, but it was absurdly empty of people other than them and a very few folks at the wrong place and time.

It’s quite remarkable, to the point of silly, how the Strangers are able to travel from place to place wherever Maya flees.

Brian summed it up perfectly referring to this as the draggy middle part of a mediocre movie. A looooong three-movie movie.

I was not impressed.

1977 The Car

• Director: Elliot Silverstein

• Writers: Dennis Shryack and Michael Butler

• Stars: James Brolin, Kathleen Lloyd, and John Marley

• Runtime: 98 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A small desert town is terrorized by a killer on wheels. As the body count and attacks climb, the local sheriff and his crew struggle to stop it, and gradually learns it’s no ordinary car and driver. The pacing is a little clunky, but a good cast and decent script with some surprises elevates it. It’s not excellent, but we were both entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

After the credits, we open in the desert as a couple of bicyclists zoom down the desert road and into a dark tunnel. We see a car drive into the other end of the tunnel (from the car’s POV). The not-so-subtle music hints that something bad is going to happen. The car comes up behind the bikers and both young people die gruesome deaths. The car, on the other hand, honks gleefully and drives on.

Wade and his girlfriend Lauren wake up and do hanky-pankie as his young children listen outside the bedroom door. Elsewhere, John Morris plays his French Horn outside grumpy old Amos’s house. John puts out his thumb for a ride when the car swerves to hit him. It misses, but then comes back for more.

Wade is the sheriff’s deputy, and he gets called out to Amos’s place, where the car has repeatedly run over John the hitchhiker. His description is a little sketchy, but it was obviously intentional. Not long after, they find the dead bicycle girl, but they don’t find the boy, who went over a bridge at a different point.

Meanwhile, Amos’s wife, Bertha, is at the police station. Sheriff Beck wants her to sign an abuse complaint against her husband. Beck’s had a crush on her since high school. Beck watches as the car zooms toward Amos, but it hits and kills him instead. An old Indian woman sees what happened and blames an evil spirit; there was no driver in the car. Wade takes over as the new sheriff, and he’s not happy about it.

There’s going to be a parade rehearsal this afternoon, and Wade knows it’s a bad idea. They get a call that they’ve found the bicycle-boy’s body, so that distracts everyone for a while. In the meantime, Deputy Luke starts drinking again.

At the fairgrounds, the kids and teachers practice their parade marching as the wind picks up and visibility drops. Everyone panics when they hear a car horn, and the horses go berserk. The kids all run a mile or so to the cliffs instead of going into a building or onto the bleachers or something. They all hide in the old cemetery, but the car stops just outside the gate and waits as Lauren taunts it from inside the fence.

Deputy Ray spots the car in the desert and follows it. All the other cops move in sped-up footage to get to that area. Things go badly for Ray as the car slowly pushes him over the edge of a cliff.

Somehow, the car rolls over, takes out two more police cars and comes to a stop in front of Wade and his little pistol. Wade shoots the car’s tires and windshield, but it appears to be bulletproof. It then knocks him down when he approaches the driver’s door - which has no handles, and Wade passes out.

In the hospital, the deputies all discuss what they know. Lauren wonders about the wind at the parade; it was almost like magic. Luke admits he’s started drinking again and simply forgot to cancel the parade rehearsal with everything that’s been going on.

Deputy Chas drives Lauren home, and the car follows them. As she goes into the house, the wind picks up; the car wants revenge for all her taunting earlier. It drives right through her living room and kills her. We get a long scene where Wade is sad. Luke thinks the car didn’t go into the cemetery because the ground was hallowed. Wade is skeptical, but he doesn’t have a real explanation that beats that.

Wade has a plan, but he needs Amos’s help with explosives. We get a long scene of Wade repairing his motorcycle, only to find the car is in his garage. After a standoff, the car chases Wade and his motorcycle down the road. He lures the car to where the surviving deputies and Amos are rigging up dynamite in the cliffs.

Wade keeps the car busy while the deputies finish wiring everything, and blow it up excessively. Afterwards, Wade and Luke debate what they saw in the fire. As the closing credits roll, we see the car is in a city now…

Brian’s Commentary

There’s no explanation for any of this. We never find out why the car is killing people.

It’s got a lot of similarities with “Duel” from 1971 as well as “Christine” from 1983. One came before, and one after, but the influences carry over between films. It may be stretching things a little, but “Rubber” (2010) is also in the same neighborhood.

The dialogue and the pacing are really weird. They focus on lots of things that aren’t really all that important to the plot. The cast is surprisingly good for such a weak film; most of the actors were big at the time, or would become big later.

I was entertained, but it’s a long way from great.

Kevin’s Commentary

I saw this one when it came out at the theater. I was eleven, and it was a formative movie for my enjoyment of horror. I haven’t seen it since, and I was interested in seeing what I thought of it now.

In one scene a group of teachers and kids seeks refuge in an old cemetery, and the car doesn’t follow them in. It’s said that the car wouldn’t go on hollowed ground, and I thought at the time I first saw it that it made perfect sense - it was afraid of falling in the hollowed ground of graves. It was years later that it suddenly occurred to me oooooooh, they said “hallowed ground,” not “hollowed.”

The cast has lots of familiar faces of actors from the 70s that were in lots of stuff before and after. James Brolin was young once.

That’s quite a few deputies for such a small town, though they do have a big area of land to cover, but that was necessary for the action and body count.

Watching it now, almost 50 years later, I was still entertained.

2026 Return to Silent Hill

• Director: Christophe Gans

• Writers: Christophe Gans, Sandra Vo-Anh, Will Schneider

• Stars: Jeremy Irvine, Hannah Emily Anderson

• Runtime: 106 minutes

• Trailer Link:

• 2

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

James gets a letter from his lost love imploring him to return to Silent Hill, and so he does. Once there he goes through a series of encounters and scenes with creepy stuff, very much like walking through a video game, interspersed with flashbacks of his relationship with Mary.

While the setting and creatures are similar, this doesn’t seem to be connected to the previous two movies in terms of characters or story. The plot is sparse, mostly just a quest that goes on for quite a bit of time through scene after scene of strangeness. It was… okay.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man driving too fast through the windy, curvy, mountain roads. Unsurprisingly, this goes badly, as he nearly hits a woman in the road, causing her to miss her bus. She talks about Silent Hill, her hometown. She’s Mary, and he’s James, and he offers to drive her home.

James wakes up– that was all just a dream. He’s very drunk and gets thrown out of the bar. His therapist calls to nag him about his appointment tomorrow. He goes home and finds a letter asking him to come back to “their place” from Mary. We get a flashback to James and Mary’s big romance. James returns to Silent Hill. Credits roll.

A woman named Angela tells James to grab a sandbag and follow her. There are ashes falling from the sky, and she says some fires are still burning. Then, there were floods, and she warns him not to go to town.

James walks into town, and it’s not only deserted, it’s also covered in ash and haze. James gets a flashback to the people of Silent Hill talking about Mary’s father, Jacob Crane, and all he’s done for the town. Meanwhile, outside, an armless monster attacks a homeless man.

Suddenly, an air raid siren goes off, and everything gets really dark. He sees all sorts of weird creatures outside, and runs inside to hide. He sees, or imagines, seeing a great deal of weirdness and calls his therapist back.

James runs into Eddie, a man hiding in town, and he talks about all the monsters that just moved into town. They find a little girl, Laura, trapped behind some bars. Eddie turns on James, but that’s not as bad as a Pyramid-Head, who starts chasing James through the old building. He then runs into a giant spider-woman who chases him some more. Pyramid kills the spider-woman and cuts her arms off.

James runs into Angela, who tells him he shouldn’t have come, as there are too many secrets here.

He next runs into Maria, who leads him through town to the hospital, but Mary’s not there. She tells him about Joshua Crane, who was an old-time cult leader in the town. The two walk into a room full of freeze-frame nurses who chase them. Maria gets injured, so James finds Laura, who says she knows where Mary is.

James finally finds Mary, who is now a four-armed monster who kills him– no, he wakes up, that was all a dream. He’s in the Silent Hill Hospital, as a regular patient. There are doctors and nurses, and it all seems normal again. They tell James that Mary has been dead for months now, but he knew that.

We get another flashback to the couple in Silent Hill arguing about what her father did to her with the cult. This ends with him storming out and leaving town. He feels like he let her down.

Suddenly, James is back in the horror version of the town, explaining what happened to Maria. She looks just like Mary, and they kiss. They take the elevator all the way down.

James wakes up next to the river and watches as the hospital burns to the ground behind him. James remembers that Mary’s full name was Mary Angela Laura Crane; all the women have been Mary all along. He remembers her getting sick; her father had been poisoning her all her life. She wanted to die, and he smothered her to death.

Back in Silent Hill, James sees Mary turn into a big, undead-looking moth with four arms and flies away. He then puts her corpse in his car and drives into the river to drown…

Nope– another dream. We’re back in the opening scene where James almost hits Mary with his car. This time around, the two of them drive to anywhere other than Silent Hill…

Brian’s Commentary

This seems to ignore all the previous films. It is much like a video game, with James running from one unexplained situation to another, because– why?

The setting is everything here. There’s no real acting or characterization to speak of. There’s only a hint of a plot; it’s mostly just one scary scene after another, just like a video game.

This was dull, made no sense, and was overall… atrociously bad.

Kevin’s Commentary

They stepped up the creepy and unsettling encounters a bit in this one. And it has the video game vibe, almost more so than a movie. The plot is thin; it’s really all about the quest and encounters. It started feeling tedious after a while.

I can’t help but think I’d be more into these movies if I was a fan of the games. This one is said to be based on the game Silent Hill 2 from 2001. I’ve never played any of them.

2017 Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

• Director: Kōbun Shizuno, Hiroyuki Seshita

• Writer: Gen Urobuchi

• Stars (Main Cast): Mamoru Miyano, Takahiro Sakurai, Kana Hanazawa, Yūki Kaji

• Runtime: 88 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s far in the future, and refugees from space come back to Earth after everyone left due to the giant monsters ruining everything. Before they can resettle, they have to deal with Godzilla. This one is an anime style animated movie, but it’s still considered an official movie in the Toho series. Brian enjoyed it quite a bit, while Kevin - who has a bias against cartoons - didn’t get much of anything from it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Aboard a space station, guards point their guns at a docked spaceship. The pilot, Captain Sakaki, is refusing to take colonists to Tau-E, which everyone knows is uninhabitable. They’re just trying to dump and abandon their elderly. The old colonist in charge calls Sakaki, and he says the colonists want to land on the planet, any planet. Sakaki gives in and launches toward the planet below. From the space station’s window, Sakaki watches as the landing shuttle explodes in orbit. Credits roll.

We hear a report about monsters appearing on Earth at the end of the 20th century. The monsters came from everywhere and Godzilla was the worst of them. Aliens, the Exif, arrived, and they wanted to live here. Then the Bilusaludo, another race arrived as well. They also offered to rid Earth of Godzilla. Godzilla overwhelmed them as well.

Sakaki remembers life on Earth and the rush to evacuate to the stars. Life aboard the space station wasn’t much better. Sakaki, now in jail aboard the ship, researches the history of Earth and Godzilla. He wants to go back and fight the big monster. The ship’s chances of finding a habitable planet are really small; returning to Earth is maybe the only option. Due to relativity, over a thousand years have passed on Earth.

There’s a plan floating around that says they can defeat Godzilla; Sakaki wrote it, and the Exifs say it might be possible. Everyone rushes to the windows to see their homeworld; the younger generation have never seen it. It’s been 10,000 years on Earth, so even Godzilla couldn’t still be around.

One of the drones goes dead. It must have been Godzilla and his atomic breath. He is still alive down there, which brings on a lot of discussion. Sakaki is released from jail to lead the fight.

The space force lands on Earth and prepares the area for a battle. Sakaki explains his whole plan, and there’s a lot that has to go right. Godzilla has a hidden organ that gives him protective shields, and he hopes to disable it.

Life on Earth has changed. Some of the trees are razor sharp, and the air is barely breathable. A group of flying monsters attacks the base, and they’re something completely new. Nothing could have evolved that quickly, could they? Turns out, they were really gone for 19,200 years, so… maybe?

Martin, the scientific leader, says there’s no real benefit in staying since everything here is toxic now. He wants to set up a base on the moon instead. In order to retreat, they have to join up with another company that still has working ships to evacuate. In order to get there, they have to pass through Godzilla’s territory.

Metphies, the Exif scientist, suggests that Godzilla will be looking for them. He’s “the vengeful hammer for the arrogant.” He’s seen it before with other races.

Godzilla soon shows up on the scene, and he somehow causes the human’s ship to crash. They use a failed attack by Colonel Leland to figure out where Godzilla’s shield emitter is located. With Leland dead, Metphies is the new commander, but he puts Sakaki in charge instead.

There’s another battle with Godzilla, but in the middle of the fight, more of those flying things show up to get in the way. The group leads Godzilla to the trap point, and they set off their traps. Godzilla is mostly buried, and they hit him with everything they have.

Godzilla has been defeated– the plan worked! Martin thinks this probably wasn’t the original Godzilla from 20,000 years ago but one of his descendants. If they find another one, at least they know they can beat it.

Suddenly, there’s an earthquake. Something even more powerful than Godzilla is coming! It’s… big. Yes, it’s the original Godzilla, and he’s spent millennia growing to be mountain-sized.

Everyone retreats as Sakaki vows to kill the monster…

Brian’s Commentary

This one is animated, but still counts as an official Toho Godzilla film. It’s a much more ambitious, complicated story than more non-animated films.

Overall, it added a lot of new stuff to the far-future world, and it more or less all made sense.

Godzilla himself only shows up toward the end of the story, but he makes an impression. Overall, I liked it more than I thought I would.

Kevin’s Commentary

Anime something something cartoon blah blah.

It’s highly detailed with top notch animation, there’s a lot happening in the story, the technology is advanced, and Godzilla is more powerful than ever. All that said, this really didn’t do much for me at all.

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2026 The Dreadful

• Directed by: Natasha Kermani

• Written by: Natasha Kermani

• Stars: Sophie Turner, Kit Harington, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurence O’Fuarain, Jonathan Howard

• Run Time: 94 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two women in 1400s England live a quiet life on their own on the edges of society. And it’s a quiet and slow build of a movie. But the dread does build and things get darker as things go along. It’s pretty low key in every way, with beautiful scenery and strong performances. We both liked it quite a bit.

Spoilery Synopsis

Anne goes to church and has Communion. Her mother-in-law, Morwen, is a pickpocket, stealing from young mothers. They’re poor, and all the men from the village have gone off to war.

Anne dreams of her husband, Seamus, returning from war, but there’s something very wrong with him. Morwen says, “This war will make us rich.”

The next day, she runs into Jago, home from the war. He tells the story of how Seamus was rather brutally killed in the war. She still remembers when they were all little and growing up together. Anne and Morwen take the news badly.

Not long after, there’s a shipwreck nearby, and one survivor makes it to the beach. Morwen stabs him in the back, which Anne doesn’t see, and then she and Anne loot the bodies. “God is smiling on us to send such good luck,” Morwen adds. They eat well that night.

Jago likes Anne, but she’s not really interested in him. Morwen doesn’t like him either; he was always jealous of Seamus.

A wandering priest comes by and shows them his relic. He wants to sell it to them for three silver pieces. As he prays with Anne, Morwen cuts his throat. Anne is horrified, but Morwen justifies it all.

Some time later, Anne watches as a knight in armor kills a man in the field. She’s seen the knight before. She runs to Jago for protection, and he likes that. Later, she has a dream where Morwen is eating raw flesh. She sneaks out of the house late at night and goes to Jago; they have sex. He wants her to move in with him, but she thinks Morwen needs her.

Anne starts helping Morwen kill and rob travelers of their valuables. When Jago comes around for Anne, Morwen runs him off with her knife. She sneaks off to do her thing with Jago when Morwen’s asleep.

Meanwhile, Morwen watches as a knight in armor comes to their house. She follows him and kills him from behind. She takes off his helmet and loots him.

Anne tells Morwen that she’s leaving to be Jago’s wife. Morwen does not take it well, and she goes to live with Jago. That night, Anne dreams that the demon knight came and killed them both.

Anne notices discrepancies in Jago’s story about her husband’s death. Could he have killed Seamus? He tells the story about how Seamus would kill soldiers and rob their bodies– just like his mother’s been doing. Seamus killed the knight in the helmet and put on the helmet. The helmet burned Seamus and wouldn’t come off; Jago left him there on the battlefield. Anne turns against him and leaves.

We get a flashback to Morwen killing the knight, who turned out to be Seamus in that same helmet.

Anne goes to the village and finds the priest has been murdered by the knight. She runs to Morwen’s house, but the old woman isn’t home. The knight shows up, and it’s Morwen inside the helmet. She screams that she can’t get it off. Anne rips the mask off, and Morwen is all disfigured under there now. “Now you really are a demon,” Anne says.

An actual demon comes out of the helmet, and the two women run for the house. When Anne looks outside, all she finds is the helmet.

Anne and Jago talk about demons. He still wants her, but now she’s loyal to Morwen, who has gone blind from what the helmet did to her. Anne goes outside and picks up the helmet…

Brian’s Commentary

This is based on the same Buddhist parable as “Onibaba” (1964). Like that film, this one is slow-moving and atmospheric. There aren’t any jump scares or anything like that; just a slow buildup of dread that you know isn’t going to end well. And it doesn’t.

Kevin’s Commentary

The scenery and quiet of the movie are very soothing. The dreadfulness is there, but it’s pretty low-key. I thought it was a good watch. Excellent cast.

2025 The Other

• Directed by: Paul Etheredge

• Written by: Paul Etheredge

• Stars: Olivia Macklin, Dylan McTee, Avangeline Friedlander

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 38 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a couple brings home a little orphan girl, it’s not a simple happily ever after. There’s a reason she’s holding that drill in the poster, and we get to find out why. It builds slowly to a big finish, then a very abrupt ending. It’s on the unique side, and we liked it more than disliked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

The lady at the adoption agency explains that Kathelia doesn’t speak , but they don’t know why. She’s been returned to the orphanage before. Robin and Daniel go ahead and adopt her anyway. Credits roll.

Robin’s mother has done some research and learned that Kathelia’s mother killed and cut up her whole family, which might be why Kathelia doesn’t speak. We see that all the food in the house has very suddenly gone off.

That night, everyone goes to bed, and Kathelia grabs a big knife from the kitchen as something out in the pool goes, “Bloop!”

In the morning, Daniel finds some pink sludge growing in the pool. Robin finds that all her kitchen knives are missing. Kathelia looks hard at the pink stuff.

Kathelia meets Fiona, a neighbor with Down Syndrome. They spend the morning throwing dolls in the sewer. She’s… weird. Her mother, Lizzie, comes over, and Fiona says, “That lady is a door” to Robin. Robin starts being afraid to be home alone.

The family throws a party for all the people they know with children, and Kathelia doesn’t look happy to be there. All the kids know about Kathelia’s murderous mom, which soon turns into a fight. Afterward, Robin gets into the jellyfish-infested pool. Meanwhile, Kathelia packs a bag and runs out the front door until she gets a nosebleed. They soon find her.

In the morning, Fiona knows that Kathelia “tried to get away” and couldn’t. “You’re stuck here now.” She follows this up with, “Monsters are coming. They’ll be here soon.”

The parents take Kathelia to a child psychologist, but that goes badly. Robin thinks adopting was a mistake, but Daniel wants to stick with her. Robin’s pregnant again, and her priorities have changed.

Kathelia gags Robin and ties her to the bed somehow, which is over the line for Robin, who wants to send her back. Also, it looks like she lost the baby.

Kathelia writes down an address for Daniel, which he checks out. He goes inside to talk to the old woman inside, but all the food on the table is rotten. The old woman is weird and has a worm crawling out of her leg. Turns out, the woman is insane and tied to a leash. The husband blames all their troubles on Kathelia and warns Daniel that he’ll find out. His wife got pregnant with something nasty after Kathelia came to live with them. “Get rid of that child any way you can!”

Robin goes to the doctor and shows her the thing that came out of her. The multiple things that came out of her, and they don’t look quite right. The doctor wants her to go to the hospital, but Robin says she’s fine and leaves.

By the time Robin gets home, she’s fat and really pregnant-looking. She kicks down Kathelia’s door and threatens her. Kathelia can’t scream.

Kathelia runs to Fiona’s house; she talks to ghosts and plays with bugs. Then she whacks Kathelia with a hammer, which involves a hospital visit. By the time Daniel gets home, Robin looks ready to deliver and has become completely unhinged.

The doctor calls; Kathelia has “vanishing twin syndrome,” where Kathelia “ate” her own twin in utero. Thanks to Fiona’s attack, they discovered this. The twin got stuck in her frontal lobe, which is why she can’t speak.

At home, Robin looks terrible and immediately gives birth to something nasty. Daniel and Kathelia go to see Fiona, who seems to know things. Lizzie tells Daniel Fiona’s origin story. She knew hitting Kathelia on the head would result in finding the monster in her head.

Things get weird from here.

The whole group goes up to the attic so Fiona can put on a weird raincoat and do a ritual to communicate with the monster. The twin inside Kathelia is trying to use any woman as a door to be born into the world.

The gynecologist comes to the house to talk to Robin about “the baby.” Daniel comes home, and Robin stabs him with scissors a few times. The doctor gets it even more severely. Kathelia hides and finds all of Robin’s previous dead babies. Robin drags Kathelia out to the pool, which appears to have become a gateway to Hell.

Lizzie and Fiona show up out of nowhere and rescue Kathelia, who goes over and beats on Robin’s belly. “It’s not there. She’s just a door,” Fiona explains. Robin then slices Lizzie’s neck and kills her on the spot. When Robin comes after the rest of them with a sledgehammer, they all barricade themselves in the workroom lab.

Fiona tells Kathelia that she needs to dig out the body from her brain or they’re all gonna die. Kathelia looks at the power tools on the wall and chooses a drill. Daniel puts the drill to Kathelia’s scar and lets it rip.

As the fetus gets drilled out of Kathelia’s brain, Robin stops her assault. Suddenly, a deformed little baby crawls out of Kathelia’s otherwise normal-sized head and attacks Daniel. Kathelia picks up the little thing and breaks its neck. Then she drops it in the trash.

Brian’s Commentary

I kept waiting for Kathelia to become Cthulhu, but that didn’t happen.

I’m sure the police will eat up any explanation they offer about the dead doctor, the dead Lizzie, the stab wound, and the drill-headed child.

The ending is pretty cool, but it was a bit of a slog to get there.

Kevin’s Commentary

Being understanding is good up to a point, but this kid went past the point of “time to take her back to the orphanage” early on in the movie. But it wouldn’t have been much of a movie if they had, I suppose.

It didn’t go in the direction that I expected, and I wasn’t expecting that much body horror. Like Brian pointed out, how are they going to explain all this to the police?

I thought the ending was a little too abrupt, but overall I’d say I liked it.

2009 The Hills Run Red

• Director: Dave Parker

• Writers: David J. Schow (Screenplay), John Carchietta (Story), John Dombrow (Based on screenplay)

• Stars: Sophie Monk, Tad Hilgenbrink, Janet Montgomery, Alex Wyndham, William Sadler

• Runtime: 1 hour, 21 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of horror fans take a road trip to hunt down the lost film “The Hills Run Red” from 1982. It’s well made, with a decent cast, and good special effects. It takes too long to get to the good stuff though. And while there are some unique aspects, overall it wasn’t anything we haven’t seen before. We give it a weak thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

As credits roll, we watch a young man cut his own face up with scissors. He then covers the mess with an ugly baby mask.

We’re told that in 1982, Wilson Wyler Concannon, an indie director, released his only film, “The Hills Run Red,” which was sadistic and quickly pulled from theaters. It soon became a lost film, nothing left but an intriguing trailer. The director was also never heard from again.

Tyler watches the trailer, and it’s about an ax-wielding murder called “Babyface.” He wants to know why the film was banned– what was so terrible about it? There are no prints, no actors, and no director; everything about the film has disappeared. His friend, Lalo, doesn’t see the attraction.

Tyler has tracked down Alexa, Concannon’s daughter, and he wants to ask her about the movie. Alexa is working as a stripper in a bar. Tyler visits Alexa at “work” while Lalo bangs Tyler’s girlfriend, Serina, at home. Alexa, an addict, takes Tyler home to a skeezy hotel.

Alexa agrees to take them to see the film– no, not really, Tyler kidnaps her, ties her up, and apparently breaks her addiction in a matter of hours. When sobered up, Alexa tells what she knows about the film; she was in it a little, but she hasn’t seen the whole thing.

On the way out to the middle of nowhere, Lalo explains the rules of horror movies, and everyone laughs. As they stop for a pee break, still a hundred miles from their destination, Alexa sees someone in the woods filming them.

They stop at a gas station near Concannon’s old house and talk to people there who actually saw the movie.

They arrive at the woods where Concannon’s house is supposed to be, and they all make jokes about horror movies that take place in the woods. They’re obviously not alone as they hike to the remote cabin.

They find a ribcage in the woods; could some of the murders in the film have been real? Alexa explains that the guy who played Babyface was actually deformed and really wore a mask.

That night, they’re all knocked out and tied up by the crazy locals. Sonny wants to use their film equipment to make a porn film, starring Alexa and Serina. They don’t get very far before someone in the woods kills them. Someone wearing a Babyface mask. Alexa remembers him, and he remembers her as well.

Alexa runs into the woods with Babyface in pursuit. Tyler goes after them, but Lalo and Serina call 911 but don’t know where they are. Lalo tries to hold off the killer, but Babyface has a gun and uses it.

Tyler comes to a farmhouse and goes inside. He finds evidence that he’s been followed since the beginning of the film. He finds Alexa, who reveals that Concannon’s movie is still being shot. Turns out, Alexa and Babyface have been in cahoots all along.

Babyface chases Serina into his smokehouse, where he has all his victims hanging up to be cured. Serina hides in a big tub of blood, but he soon catches her as well.

Tyler wakes up tied to a chair, surrounded by cans and cans of “The Hills Run Red” films that he’s collected over the years. Alexa’s “dead” father, Concannon, comes in, not dead at all. He shows Tyler a film of him killing the original Babyface actor. He found a real method actor to play the new Babyface, Alexa’s and her father’s own son.

Meanwhile, Alexa torments Lalo, while Babyface works on Serina. Concannon gives Tyler a lesson in filmmaking, and Lalo plays the victim. Meanwhile, Concannon and Alexa argue about parenting until he shoots her. This enrages Babyface, her son, who turns on his father/grandfather and stabs him repeatedly as Tyler films it all. Babyface is just about to kill Tyler as well when Serina stabs him in the back.

Alexa, not dead, knocks Tyler back out. He wakes up in a movie theater full of corpses as Alexa starts showing him the actual film. “This is what you came here for. Are you ready?” As he watches the film, Tyler laughs and goes insane…

Brian’s Commentary

By the halfway point, no one had died, and nothing interesting had happened. It did eventually pick up, but it never really got good– it’s just another masked killer in the woods movie. He could have been wearing a hockey mask and nothing needed to have been changed. The whole theme about horror films and filmmaking gives it a little bit of a “Scream” vibe, but only a little.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought this took too long to get to the good stuff. And then the ending seemed kind of rushed. It’s pretty well made, the cast was fun, the effects were realistic. The movie within a movie aspect made things a little more interesting than typical, but there wasn’t enough new here that we haven’t already seen.

I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t find it very satisfying.

2012 Silent Hill Revelation

• Director: Michael J. Bassett

• Writers: Michael J. Bassett

• Stars: Adelaide Clemens, Sean Bean, Radha Mitchell, Carrie-Anne Moss

• Runtime: 94 minutes

• YouTube Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Little Sharon from the first movie is all grown up now into a teenager in her 20s and on the run and in hiding with her father. But the pull of Silent Hill is strong, and when dad vanishes she visits the town with a guy pal. It very much had the vibe of walking through a video game. Both of us thought it was on the dull side and lacked entertainment value, especially comparing it to the first one.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a woman running through a carnival while being pursued by cultists. The carnival rides are straight out of Hell, powered by the Pyramid-head man. “Do not go to Silent Hill,” warns one of the dead. No– it’s just a nightmare, and Heather wakes up.

Heather asks where her name comes from. She used to be Sharon, and now she’s Heather. Her father used to be Christopher, and now he’s Harry. She’s turning eighteen, and they’ve moved around a lot. She goes off to school, and Harry/Christopher remembers Rose, who’s been missing for so long, trapped in Silent Hill. She warns him that the cultists are still coming for their daughter.

At school, Heather is the new student, along with Vincent, another new kid. Between classes, Heather has a creepy flashback/vision.

Also, there’s a creepy man who seems to be following Heather, and she catches on to that right away, calling her father to meet her. The man chases her to the mall, where he calls her Sharon. He’s Douglas, a P.I. who has been hired to find her– by the cult. He knows about Silent Hill, and they want her back. He explains things to her as a monster attacks their elevator. He doesn’t live long.

Heather meets up with Vincent on the way out of the mall. Harry isn’t answering the phone; something might have gotten him. Vincent talks about his crazy Uncle Leonard, who’s been institutionalized.

Heather gets home and finds “Come to Silent Hill” written in blood on the wall, and her father is nowhere to be found. She and Vincent go through her father’s papers. The police have found Sharon through the P.I.’s papers, and now they suspect her of the murder. They also see the Silent Hill message on the wall.

On the way to Silent Hill, Heather reads to Vincent from her father’s notes on the town, the cult, and everything. The pyramid-head man is Elessa’s guardian and executioner. Alessa was the girl born to the cult to become a receptacle for their god, and she’s also probably Heather/Sharon. Vincent admits that he’s also been born and raised in Silent Hill, and it’s his job to get her to return.

Suddenly, the motel room melts around them and they’re soon attacked again. Heather leaves the motel and finds herself in Silent Hill, where it’s all gray and ashy. She soon runs into Dahilia, Alessa’s mother. The woman explains that the evil Alessa, who was burned alive, put her soul into a newborn orphan, Heather.

Heather then hides in a mannequin factory, and that get weird fast. Meanwhile, the cultists, led by Claudia, reward Vincent for bringing Heather to them; he’s put into the asylum for treatment.

Meanwhile, Heather breaks into the Silent Hill asylum to talk to Leonard, Vincent’s crazy uncle. Leonard says Claudia is corrupted by the darkness. Leonard is glad that the traitor Vincent is here now as well. He identifies half a key, and he has the other half, which he uses.

Elsewhere, a bunch of undead nurses kill Vincent’s guard and hack him to pieces. The nurses seem to be motion-activated, and he just waits until Heather releases him. They walk to a nearby abandoned amusement park.

Heather comes face to face with Elissa, and they don’t care much for one another. They are two halves of the same being, and Heather ends up absorbing her evil part. She walks through the cultists and finds her father.

Claudia shows up, looking all menacing, and monologues to Heather. They want their god to be born through Heather for some reason that even Claudia can’t explain. They want that key that she’s been carrying around to summon the god. The key reveals Claudia’s true form, which then has to fight pyramid-head for some reason. Heather and Vincent, who has just sort of shown up, untie Harry and head to the exit. Claudia loses her head, and Pyramid-head lumbers off alone.

Heather, Harry, and Vincent walk out of Silent Hill, but Harry warns that it’ll start up again soon. Harry wants to stay here and find Rose, who never came home after the first movie.

Heather and Vincent hitch a ride on a truck and leave town. They pass a whole bunch of police cars going into the silent town…

Brian’s Commentary

This starts out completely adding new stuff to the end of the first film so that this one has somewhere to go.

Kit Harrington’s American accent is atrocious, but otherwise, the actors and characters are OK. The creature effects and sets are also pretty good. It was filmed in 3D, and there are a few shots that highlight this, but it’s not excessive.

I assume this is all based on the videogame, as it’s basically Heather going from one weird situation to another with very little reason or story behind any of it. It all looks really cool, but I never really understood most of what was going on.

This was just awful on many levels.

Kevin’s Commentary

I think this one lacks the atmosphere and creepiness of Silent Hill that the first movie had. Heather is on a quest for the sake of questing, or at least that’s how it felt sometimes. Like a video game walkthrough. Which is what it’s based on. The story could be followed, but there were things that just popped up, and we are supposed to go with it without enough explanation.

I’m sure Kit Harington worked hard on his American accent, but it fluctuated noticeably.

I bet I would have enjoyed this one more if I were a fan of the video games. Or maybe not. It wasn’t paced very well and was on the dull side. I thought it was a big step down from the first one.

2004 Godzilla: Final Wars

• Director: Ryuhei Kitamura

• Writers: Isao Kiriyama and Wataru Mimura

• Stars: Masahiro Matsuoka, Rei Kikukawa, Don Frye

• Runtime: 125 minutes (2 hours, 5 minutes)

• YouTube Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This fiftieth anniversary movie is heavy on science fiction with super weapons, aliens, mutants, and many creatures in addition to Godzilla, and it takes place in 2044. There’s also a lot of hand-to-hand combat and fights that defy physics among humans, aliens, and mutants. This movie has it all. And unlike some of the other sequels, this one takes place in a world where apparently all the events of all the Godzilla movies have taken place. It’s a fun watch with loads of action and a lot crammed into it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Godzilla versus a bunch of tanks. Suddenly, a crazy drill-vehicle bursts out of the mountains at the south pole and starts blasting. There’s an earthquake, and Godzilla falls into a crevasse. The screw-ship drops a mountain into the hole on top of him. Game over, they defeated Godzilla.

We get a report about how mankind has been so busy fighting the atomic monsters that they don’t fight with each other any more. Meanwhile, a new breed of human-mutants develops. They are the Earth Defense Force. Credits roll as we get a montage of all the previous films.

On the ocean floor, the screwship submarine Gotengo battles a giant snake, Manda. They freeze it and then shatter it. Captain Gordon and his ship win the battle, but now he’s facing court-martial.

We cut to two Earth Defense Force mutant-men fighting in an arena at M Organization. Afterward, they are evaluated. Kazama wins, Ozaki loses because he’s too soft and has a heart.

Miyuki, a biologist, is coming from the UN to examine a mummified monster they found. But she’s hot, so Ozaki is more than willing to play bodyguard. It’s some kind of alien cyborg that’s 12,000 years old. It has the same genetic markers as the modern mutants. How are they linked?

The Mothra fairies appear to them and explain that the monster is Gigan, and he destroyed everything 12,000 years ago. Mothra fought it, and the mutants have the same evil in their blood. They warn Ozaki about choosing evil and give him an amulet.

The UN Secretary General’s airplane is destroyed when something big flies by. In New York City, a flying monster attacks the ghetto. It’s Rodan, and he’s very destructive to the skyscrapers. Anguirus and King Caesar have shown up in other cities. Other CGI monsters are appearing all over the world, all at once.

The humans do their best against the monsters, but there are a lot of them. Even Minilla, Baby Godzilla, shows up. Basically, all the Toho monsters show up in one form or another (I don’t even know who some of them are). The mutants lock and load and get on the case, fighting Ebirah, the giant shrimp. They beat it, but then the body vanishes. Likewise, Rodan and Aguirus vanish as well; aliens are abducting the beasts.

The UFO stops right outside the EDF headquarters. An alien beams down– no, it’s the head of the UN; the aliens saved him from the air disaster. He says they’re friendly. The aliens say they come in peace from Planet X. They’re Xilians. They warn that Planet Gorath is on a collision course with Earth in about a year.

The United Nations becomes the Space Nations, and everyone cheers. Not everyone, as the variety shows all have debates about it. Ozaki wonders if the Xillians are related to Gigan somehow. Miyuki notices that the leader of the UN doesn’t blink since his “rescue.” He’s been corrupted by the Xiloans somehow and is no longer human. The EDF leader is also on the wrong side.

Scientists figure out that Planet Gorath is a hologram, and the threat has been a hoax. Ozaki picks out the only man he knows isn’t corrupted: Captain Gordon. Gordon wastes no time exposing the aliens’ true form and killing the head of the UN. The second-command of the Xilians then kills the leader and takes over. He doesn’t want to play nice; humans are just food, and he controls the monsters anyway. It’s now mutants versus aliens, but the mutants can’t resist X’s control and turn against the good guys.

Somehow, this leads into a motorcycle chase through the city between Ozaki and Kazama. Meanwhile, Commander X wakes up Gigan, who immediately goes on a rampage. All the other monsters are released as well.

Minilla and his new human friends see the destruction and escape in a pickup truck. Captain Gordon gets to the Gotenga and talks to the crew about waking up Godzilla. Godzilla doesn’t have the M-Base gene, so the aliens can’t control him.

The Gotengo makes it to the South Pole and wakes up Godzilla, who is not happy. Gigan is there, and the fight commences. One blast of atomic breath, and Gigan loses his head.

Next up is Zilla, the GINA from the 1998 film. He doesn’t last long, and neither does the Sydney Opera House. One stop after another, Godzilla cleans up the South Sea (South CGI?) Islands.

Godzilla makes it to the Tokyo region, and Minilla wants to get closer to him. Godzilla takes on King Caesar, Rodan, and Anguirus all at the same time, and it takes a minute or two: Godzilla is way overpowered here.

Gotenga attacks the alien mothership, and Kazma gets his chance at redemption by flying into the mothership and blows up the reactor in the center which disables the ship’s shields. The Gotenga crew gets captured.

The Mothra fairies finally send Mothra, who kills heads to Tokyo, where Ebirah and the Smog Monster are fighting each other.

Commander X has one more trick up his sleeve. A meteorite from space comes crashing down, and inside it is Monster X, a new baddie. The two seem evenly matched until Mothra shows up to fight the upgraded Gigan. Meanwhile, Command X explains to Ozaki that he’s a Keizer, a superhuman hybrid.

The four monsters continue to fight. Ozaki, now the “Chosen One,” has all kinds of powers to beat the evil Xilians. He fights hand to hand with Commander X. Everyone fights for a long time. After a lot of talk, Ozaki beats the crap out of Commander X, who sets the ship to self-destruct.

Everyone makes their way back to the Gotenga and they work to get out before it’s too late.

Down on the ground, Godzilla and Monster X go at it with atomic breath. Monster X starts to mutate and grows three– uh-oh, he’s really been King Ghidorah all this time. Ghidorah bites Godzilla with all three heads and starts to drain his life force. Only Ozaki can help now. He supercharges the Gotenga with “Infinity Power” and energizes Godzilla again. Godzilla starts ripping heads off, and the battle is soon over.

Godzilla then turns against the Gotenga, and he just doesn’t know when to quit. As he moves in for the kill, Godzilla sees Minilla come running in and pauses. Minilla tells his dad that he’s done enough and they should go home– which they do.

Now it’s time to clean up all the mess. Godzilla and Minilla swim off into the sunset…

Brian’s Commentary

Wow!

This is the 50th anniversary of Godzilla. It’s all very futuristic sci-fi, with flying ships and super submarines– it takes place in 2044, and apparently physics works differently in that year. There’s not much left of Earth after this one.

They really just threw everything into this one. Monsters, mutants, mayhem, and machines all over the place. It is so incredibly over the top that we couldn’t help but laugh a few times. It’s excessively long at more than two hours, but they’ve got a lot to deal with.

This is the last film in the “Millennium Series” and was the last live-action Godzilla film until “Godzilla” (2014), an American release came out. It didn’t do terribly well at the box office, which is weird because it’s got literally everything.

It’s way, way overblown to the point of ridiculousness, but I liked it

Kevin’s Commentary

I think this is the most science fiction loaded of any of the Godzilla movies so far. And there’s definitely some influences from “The Matrix” in the human fights and action scenes.

They fully embraced the CGI in this one, with multiple scenes being entirely CGI. But there are also plenty of practical puppets and guys in rubber suits and little model cities getting stomped and blown up. So much collateral damage in this one.

This was a good time, and I’d recommend it.

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