To offset all that fun, we had to watch 2007's “The Mist” to calm down. “Catnado” and “Wishmaster 2” both had us eager to Do the Time Warp Again.

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #57, for June 2026, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

1975 The Rocky Horror Picture Show

• Directed by: Jim Sherman

• Written by: Richard O’Brien, Jim Sherman

• Stars: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

IMDB.com has a good succinct description. “A rain-soaked couple takes refuge in the castle of a transvestite mad scientist from outer space who is about to unveil his greatest creation.” They neglect to mention that it’s also a musical, and it’s got some songs in it. It was originally a stage musical titled “The Rocky Horror Show” which premiered in 1973 with Tim Curry and the same trio playing the servants and Jonathan Adams (now Dr. Scott) as the Narrator/Criminologist. It’s weird and funny, with very catchy songs. We’d recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

A giant mouth comes on screen and sings about sci-fi movies as credits roll.

We cut to a wedding, as the happy couple leaves with rice and a cheering crowd. We get a quick look at Tim Curry in the background in a second role as the preacher. Plus Richard O’Brien and Patricia Quinn as church custodians (American Gothic custodians, at that!). And is that Nell Campbell as a third custodian?

Best man Brad congratulates the groom, and then his girlfriend Janet catches the bouquet, so he may be next. Brad and Janet talk about their future, which leads Brad to sing to Janet, dammit. He wants to go tell his old teacher about their impending engagement.

But first, we cut to a criminologist who introduces the case of Brad and Janet. He’s going to narrate the story for us.

The young couple’s car breaks down on the road, and they have to walk to the nearby castle for help. They sing on the walk there. A strange hunchback man opens the door and reluctantly invites them in. There’s a party going on, and the two servants lead them to the party, where they all do the Time Warp (again). The criminologist enjoys that a little too much, but it’s more than Janet can handle.

Their host, Dr Frank-N-Furter, makes an appearance, and he’s really something; something Brad and Janet have never seen before, at least. He explains in song how he’s a transvestite from Transexual Transylvania. He invites them up to visit his laboratory upstairs, where he’s got a whole audience awaiting to see his newest project.

Yes, Dr. Frank-N-Furter has a whole Frankenstein setup, and he knows how to use it. Soon, the creature starts to move. He’s Rocky, and he’s here to sing another song. Dr. Frank-N-Furter clearly put some time into assembling this body. Frank is smitten with his creation, and he has to sing about that as well.

Suddenly, a motorcycle breaks through the wall, and Eddie, a biker, breaks through and interrupts with a rock and roll number that has everyone dancing. Frank is not amused that he’s lost control of the event. Eddie was one of Frank’s previous experiments, and he’s lost half his mind to Rocky. Frank grabs a pick and kills him dead, ending the song. Then he sings and dances his way to the honeymoon suite with Rocky.

The party breaks up, and Brad and Janet go to separate rooms, both watched by Riff-Raff and Magenta through the closed-circuit TVs. Frank visits Janet, who protests her innocence, but Frank’s all into that. She doesn’t protest all that much, though. Meanwhile, Riff Raff torments the monster because that’s what Frankenstein’s henchmen do, and Rocky escapes. Frank then visits Brad in the same way as Janet, and it has almost exactly the same result.

Guilt-ridden Janet makes her way to the lab, sees Brad and Frank on the monitor, then finds Rocky hiding there. She sings her feelings to him; she’s got an itch to scratch, and she wants him to touch her, which he does, as Columbia and Magenta watch on the monitor from their room.

Dr Everett Scott arrives at the front door, and he’s Brad’s old high school science teacher— and an expert on UFOs. Frank thinks this is all a conspiracy to spy on his work. Scott says he’s here looking for his nephew, Eddie.

They all stop and have a very awkward dinner. Dr Scott sings about Eddie. Eddie sent him a note begging for a rescue, but it’s too late for that. Frank then makes it clear what happened to Eddie. Janet flees with Frank chasing and singing, and everyone makes their way to the lab again, where Frank petrifies Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott into statues.

All the action stops as Columbia yells at Frank about his behavior. He statues her too and Rocky for good measure. Riff Raff and Magenta argue briefly with Frank and then give each other sneaky looks. They’re up to something.

Meanwhile, Frank has moved all the statues to a stage and releases them one at a time for a burlesque confession dance show. Which morphs into a pool orgy with Frank in the lead. And suddenly they are in a rocking chorus line song and dance. It gets just a little weird at this point.

Riff Raff and Magenta break into the room, and they look different now. They’re definitely aliens, and they’ve revealed themselves. They’ve had enough of Frank’s extremes and are ready to go home to Transylvania, but first, Frank sings to explain himself and rejoice that he’s going home. But when he’s done, Riff Raff admits that only he and Magenta are going home, and he’s got a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure antimatter. Columbia is killed. And Frank tries to climb the curtain to get away unsuccessfully. Rocky freaks out at Frank’s death, but Riff Raff’s beam doesn’t work on him with just one shot. He finally dies when he falls from the RKO radio tower that he tried climbing with Frank’s body.

As Janet, Brad, and Scott leave, the whole castle blasts off into space. The criminologist comes back to the scene and concludes the story. One final song plays over the closing credits, as well as an instrumental reprise of The Time Warp.

Brian’s Commentary

Most of the cast were pretty inexperienced at screen acting, but all of them went on to long careers (most are still alive fifty years later). This is all pretty tame by today’s standards, but this was way out there in ‘75.

The main thing here is, of course, the very catchy songs, and the soundtrack is one of the best ever.

This was actually only my second time watching it. I don’t know that I’d want to watch it every weekend, as some do, but it’s pretty darned good.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was, and still is to a lesser degree, a thing to go see the movie at the theater, preferably at Midnight, and participate with lines echoing and mocking the dialogue, use props (such as throwing rice during the wedding), interact with the screen, dance to the Time Warp, and there would often be a cast of fans (known as The Floor Show) acting out the movie in sync down in front and in the aisles - often in costume and makeup.

In the late 1980s, I saw this 150 some times at midnight showings. I even played Frank-N-Furter, Janet, and the Criminologist a few times in The Floor Show when they were short on people and needed bodies. And of course, I joined in dancing the Time Warp every time.

It took a lot of self-control watching this with Brian and not bombing him with the audience participation lines.

I’ve also seen several productions done on stage, and they don’t always get the element of Frank being both trans and someone who could kick serious ass if he wanted to, which Tim Curry does have in the movie version.

I watch this through a filter of nostalgia, and I still find it really entertaining and fun.

2026 Strange Journey: The Story of Rocky Horror

• Directed by: Linus O’Brien

• Written by: Avner Shiloah

• Stars: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Richard O’Brien

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

There’s not a story to spoil. This is a documentary about how the play and movie came to be, interviewing actor writer musician Richard O’Brien and his past, and much about the people involved with Rocky Horror. It’s loaded with interviews and vintage footage and stills. Clearly the folks in this had a good time back in the day, and in the making of this documentary. It’s really well put together and a lot of fun to watch.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Richard O’Brien in New Zealand, talking about his “historic house.” We see a statue of Riff Raff in front of a museum. O’Brien then talks about his life as a barber. We then cut to scenes from the movie and views of the crowds as credits roll.

We hear from a guy who talks about being gay and learning about the show; he often participated in the live show. He eventually became a drag actor.

O’Brien talks about his early career and Method Acting. He’d been in several major parts in musical theater and then became a father to Linus, this film’s director. He eventually decided to write his own musical, and he sings “Science Fiction Double Feature” for us live. He wrote most of the play in a hurry because time was so limited.

We hear from the costume designer next; most people turned down the job. Tim Curry and Nell Campbell explain how they got involved. They all talk about opening night at the theater, and the tickets sold out very quickly— a huge hit. O’Brien then talks about his sexuality in the younger days and how that went in the 50s and 60s— that just didn’t fly. His wife at the time didn’t approve, but his kid was fine with it.

We then shift to the initial production of the movie version of the play. They brought in many of the cast and crew from the London play, which was unusual for a film. It wasn’t taken over by the Hollywood crowd; the small theater group basically did the whole thing for a budget of about a million dollars. Barry Bostwick and Susan Sarandon came in at this point as outsiders, just like their characters. The producer explains that a lot of the low-budget, cheap-looking special effects were actually intended to be cheesy, and he often told the effects people to tone it down and make it look goofier.

Jack Black tells us about seeing the film when he was nine years old and what an influence Meat Loaf had on him. Peter Hinwood, as Rocky, wasn’t an actor, but hired for his muscle.

Linus reads fan letters to his father, and it’s clear that the movie changed some people’s lives.

After three years in London and Hollywood, the play moved to Broadway, but the critics and New Yorkers hated it. It soon closed. The film was released, and it was a flop as well. They eventually landed the idea of showing the film at midnight in theaters, and that brought in a whole new audience. It was a surprise hit. People kept going to see it over and over, every week, which surprised everyone.

We move on to talk about the film’s audience and how they dressed up, brought props, and acted out scenes. The whole concept of a “shadow cast” was a new thing. The dressing up, cross-dressing, and message of sexual freedom was an outlet for young, queer people through the 70s, 80s, and onwards.

As the film winds down, we’re told that the Rocky Horror Picture Show is the longest-running theatrical release in history.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s surprising that so many of the people involved are still alive, but they’re all looking good and eager to talk about their work. The stories are interesting and relevant, and it’s clear that they all owe a lot to the play and movie.

I’m a relative newcomer to Rocky, but I liked it a lot, and this film helps explain the appeal and history of the whole phenomenon. It was definitely worth watching.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was very cool. I’d never seen this much of the history of Rocky Horror, and I didn’t know that much about Richard O’Brien. I’m glad this was made at this time when almost all the main folks were still available to interview.

2007 The Mist

• Directed by: Frank Darabont

• Written by: Frank Darabont

• Stars: Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden

• Run Time: 2 Hours, 6 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In a small Maine town, people are trapped in a supermarket after a strange mist envelopes the town. There just might be creatures in the mist, too. There’s a strong cast with a lot of recognizable faces, a suspenseful story with action, and decent special effects. It’s on the long side, but it moves well. It’s one of the better Stephen King adaptations, and we both thought it was very entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on David Drayton, who appears to be Stephen King’s personal artist. There’s a weird storm, and the family heads down to the basement just before a tree falls on the house. In the morning, they assess the damage and notice there’s a strange mist coming down off the mountain.

The next-door neighbor Brent, has a bunch of damage as well. The two, along with little Billy, pass a bunch of military trucks on the way into town. Rumor has it that there’s a crashed alien saucer up the military base on the mountain.

The three head into the local grocery store, which is packed and without power. While there, we meet some of the town’s quirkier characters. They notice a lot of army people in town this morning for some reason.

Suddenly, the tornado siren goes off. Dan Miller runs in, covered in blood, yelling “There’s something in the mist!” The fog rolls into town, and they all hear people screaming out there. Then there’s an earthquake, and everyone in the crowded store knows they’re in big trouble.

Everyone has somewhere else they’d rather be, but one woman left kids home alone and insists on leaving. The mist is so dense that they don’t know what happened to her. Billy goes into shock from the fear. Old Irene introduces Amanda, the new teacher in town. Mr. Carmody says it’s Judgment Day for all the sinners.

David goes into the back room and something outside really wants in through the loading dock door. David immediately comes to the conclusion that there’s a monster outside, but the others are skeptical. Norm crawls out under the door into the mist to unclog the ventilator for the generator, but something with a huge tentacle grabs him, and it’s quite a violent scene.

David, Ollie, Myron, and Jim watch Norm die and wonder how they’re going to keep the monsters out of that giant plate-glass window in the front of the store. They tell Norton about the situation, and he thinks it’s a prank.

David explains the monsters in the mist to the gathered crowd, but it’s a hard sell. Bud the store manager, goes back to see the mess from the attack, and now he’s a believer. Everyone gets to work reinforcing the windows. Mrs. Carmody prays hard, wondering if everyone in the store is a sinner; she’s not very nice.

Norton and Carmody have their own views about what’s going on, and the bring a bunch of dissent to the crowd. Amanda contributes a gun to the cause.

Norton and some of the group decide that enough is enough and leave the store. They tie a rope to big biker dude and he goes out with them; what they pull back in is just a bloody mess. Now, no one is doubting.

Night falls, and the lights inside attracts some bugs. Big bugs. Carmody goes on about locusts. Then come little dragon-looking things to eat the bugs. Soon, the windows break and things start coming in for the lights. Sally gets bitten by a bug and quickly dies, as do many others. There’s quite a battle, and there are more deaths throughout the night.

David points out that it’s just a matter of time until Carmody turns the locals against them and do a human sacrifice or something. It doesn’t take very long until that happens.

A group decides to go next door to the pharmacy to get some painkillers for the wounded. The doors on the pharmacy are wide open, so anything could have gotten in.There’s a spider web and human carcasses in it, including one army guy who’s only mostly dead and says that it’s all their fault. Things escalate very quickly, and we lose a few more characters.

Carmody continues preaching to the crowd all day. David, Ollie, Irene, Amanda, and some of the others still want to leave. David and the last remaining soldier talk about “The Arrowhead Project” up at the army base. He admits he heard stuff about a doorway to other dimensions to see what was on the other side. The creatures probably came from another world.

Goaded by Carmody, the crowd attacks the soldier and throws him outside, where something really big gets him.

David’s group is ready to leave, but now Carmody forbids it— and her followers are ready to enforce what she says. At least until Ollie shoots her, and her followers scatter like rats. The group makes a run for the car, but there are more deaths on the way.

David, Billy, Amanda, Dan, and Irene make it to the car, but the others are killed by things. They start the car and slowly drive out of the store’s lot. They drive and drive, and everyone they pass is dead. David’s house is covered in spider webs, so his wife has to be dead.

They head out of town, and they don’t see anything better. They spot one creature that’s just about mountain-sized; it doesn’t even notice them. Everyone gets more and more depressed, and they eventually run out of gas.

Without any hope of rescue, David offers to kill them all, and the others agree. He uses the gun to kill his four companions, but then he doesn’t have a bullet for himself. He tries, but four bullets is four bullets. He gets out the car, planning to be eaten, but then he hears engines,

Turns out, the army, with tanks and heavy weapons, were right behind them, along with a truckload of survivors. The army is fighting the monsters and winning, and the mist is even breaking up, but it’s too late for David, who just shot all his friends and his son.

Brian’s Commentary

The casting in this is amazing— so many recognizable faces. The pacing is really good, as it’s long but never drags.

It’s got probably the bleakest ending of any movie, but its also really appropriate and works well. Stephen King actually preferred this to his own book’s ending.

The creature effects hold up pretty well, but the characters and rising tension are what really drive this one. It’s a classic!

Kevin’s Commentary

An early draft of the script had a prologue scene of Project Arrowhead running an experiment during the thunderstorm that gets out of control and opens a portal to another dimension through which the mist and critters come through. They decided not to include it.

This was very good, but I actually prefer the novella that it’s based on. And I dislike the ending of the movie versus the novella that was more open ended.

2022 Catnado

• Directed by: Curtis Everett, Donald Farmer, Alaine Huntington

• Written by: Blake Blasko, Curtis Everett, Donald Farmer

• Stars: Rebecca Rinehart, Blair Kelly, Joshua Gotte

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

IMDB says, “It’s like Sharknado, but with cats,” and that’s a pretty apt description. It also has a harsh rating of 1.7 out of 10 at the time of this posting. This is an anthology, and as a voice on the radio warns, those catnadoes can pop up anywhere, anytime. It is a supernaturally powered tornado full of evil, angry cats, for some reason. The movie is stupid and bad, yet entertaining and quite hilarious at the same time.

Spoilery Synopsis

A woman talks about the day that the sky went dark and then cats started killing. “This was no ordinary tornado. This was a catnado. No one was safe.” We’re going to see some of those stories in this anthology…

Crimes and Felines

On Halloween, we see the neighborhood is all decorated. A man talks about not being able to book their vacation cruise because of the catnadoes, which is a lot like the COVID hoax.

A woman picks up her ex from prison; he’s just been released. He’s got a lead on 1.3 million dollars hidden in a mattress. They need some cash to get there, so they rob a woman coming out of the pet store.

They arrive at the victim’s house, and it’s full of cats. Suddenly, the tornado siren goes off. Could it be a catnado? Yes, it’s a tornado full of cats, spitting them out all willy-nilly and killing people. There’s nothing worse than stirred-up cats!

To make it worse, a cat bursts out of the boyfriend’s belly and kills the girl. The pet shop lady then takes her money back.

Of Cats and Men

A man arrives at his home in the country and gets a storm warning on his phone. He then sits outside and drinks beer until the storm hits. He runs out of beer and goes after more— he runs into a cat with his truck, and it makes a big splat.

He’s about to get into a fight with another motorist when they hear a bunch of meowing. Soon, the cat-astrophe is upon them, and Mal gets hit by a car himself.

Everyone wakes up in a cabin, and they argue a lot as the yowling surrounds the house. They all go over their family drama and some deaths in the past; they all have a backstory. The drama continues until the cats get inside.

Storm Window

A man who doesn’t like storms reads Bible verses. He finds that he’s locked in a storm shelter with several cats who talk in funny accents (where did these cats grow up to learn these accents? That’s not what real cats talk like). The cats trash-talk Raymond until he slowly goes insane. “The catnado is coming for you, Raymond!”

Apocalypse Meow

A scriptwriter writes a story about a cat plague that kills millions of cats. There’s even a cat church now. The two guys, Jerry and Oliver, have a cat, but one of them is afraid of the cat. There’s a storm coming, and the weather report is pretty weird. Maybe the cat vaccine has something to do with it.

Something scratches at the door, and Oliver doesn’t want to let it in. Jerry, on the other hand, has a gun. The vaccine made millions of killing machines and hundreds of catnadoes. The two soon form a vigilante group to look for pussy.

The pair soon encounter a really big catnado. Oliver is killed, and Jerry puts on his silly hat. Somehow, Oliver has become a cat-man and comes after Jerry.

Cat Burglar

A woman talks about a man who stole her cat. There’s been a “cat burglar” in the neighborhood, and he’s wearing a mask. The detectives check out one of their informants, and he’s seen the man.

We then cut to the cat burglar, in a mask, and there’s some science-y stuff going on. The burglar promises to conjure up a catnado. There’s a shootout with the detectives, and the burglar is killed.

Nightmare at 10,000 Feet

A couple of guys are flying their small plane home, but they hear something on the roof of the plane. There’s a gremlin-cat left over from a catnado on the wing of the plane! They use a cat toy to get its attention, and the reject from “Cats” takes it away from them.

Cosmic Catnado

After the credits, another segment appears. It doesn’t make any sense at all, something about “Stinky cheese of the soul” and “Astro the Space Hero.”

Brian’s Commentary

“It’s raining cats and …” “When there’s no more room in the cat box, cats shall rule the Earth!” So many “pussy” jokes.

This has some of the worst special effects I’ve ever seen, but they’re still hilarious. It’s extremely low budget, but it’s so silly it’s hard not to like it.

Kevin’s Commentary

Who doesn’t love a vortex of cats sweeping across the land?

It’s low-budget and bad, but in a good way. The effects are terrible. I thought it was funny and entertaining. Don’t expect great cinema, but if you’re a fan of sharknado-level movies, you can expect a good time.

I have no regrets seeing it.

1999 Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies

• Directed by: Jack Sholder

• Written by: Peter Atkins, Jack Sholder

• Stars: Holly Fields, Chris Weber, Al Foster, Andrew Divoff

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 26 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

During a botched robbery, Demerest the Wishmaster is accidentally released, and he becomes linked to the surviving thief. The djinn has to collect 1001 souls in exchange for wishes to trigger an apocalypse. So he gets to work, causing mayhem and death - very few of his granted wishes are benevolent. Andrew Divoff is great again as the djinn; it’s got a decent story, and the effects are very good. But the pacing is clunky, and we both thought it was pretty dull.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a group of thieves in the museum. They take paintings, but when they break some glass, the alarm goes off. During the ensuing gunfight, a statue gets shot and spits out a huge gemstone, which one of the thieves grabs. Morgana shoots a guard and then gets shot herself, but the jewel stops the bullet. Eric also gets shot, but he stays behind to die— except the jewel reveals something to him. The Wishmaster comes out of the jewel, and he’s quite a mess. Eric wishes he’d never been born. He suddenly de-ages down to the fetus level and then vanishes. “Done,” says the Wishmaster. When the police show up, the creature has turned into his human form, Nathaniel, and they promptly arrest him. Nathaniel tries to get the detective to make a wish, but the cop isn’t biting.

In the jail cell, Nathaniel tries to “help” some of the inmates. One guy wishes to walk right through the bars, which soon happens— like Play-Doh through the extruder. With another prisoner, he offers to make his lawyer suffer.

Meanwhile, Morgana takes Eric’s death badly. She has a nightmare about the Wishmaster demon and then goes to church. She meets an old friend, Gregory, who is now a priest. She tells him all about her odd dreams, which all seem to involve a prophecy.

Meanwhile, the djinn continues making deals for souls in prison where he’s being held. He ends up talking cryptically to Morgana in jail. Later, he makes a prison bully’s henchmen beat him to death because he wished to get “wasted.” Morgana tries to convince Gregory that evil is happening, and she keeps having visions. Gregory goes to see the djinn himself, and he’s convinced that he’s not of this world.

Gregory looks up djinns and explains the thing about needing 1,001 souls to free the Wishmaster’s entire race, and he has to finalize it by giving three wishes to the one who released him. Morgana then cuts off her pinky finger as a sacrifice to become “pure.”

Nathaniel gives a guard his wish, a minute alone to dance. He then steals the guard’s skin to walk out the front door along with his friend Osip. He soon meets Pushkin, a mob boss. Pushkin wants his enemy’s head, and he’s soon wearing it— so his men kill him. Suddenly, Morgana rushes in and shoots Nathaniel, who turns into his demon form. He offers her a wish as a reward for waking him, but she runs away.

Morgana and Gregory return to Osip, who refuses to help them. He shoots Morgana to prevent the prophecy, and she’s OK with that. Somehow, that doesn’t work - she’s locked in with the Djinn until he finishes his work. Meanwhile, Nathaniel goes to the Vegas casinos, where lots of people have wishes. It’s not going to take long for him to get the 800 more souls that he needs.

Not long after, it seems everyone is a winner at the casino. Then, everyone he granted wishes to starts dropping dead as he collects their souls from them. Now, he has only to grant Morgana’s three wishes, and he wins the Earth.

The Wishmaster takes Morgana to Hell for a chat. He’s torturing Gregory, and getting him released is her first wish. Gregory dies; that’s a release, right? She tries a lot of things, but none of them work against him. He takes her back to the casino, which has gotten all possessed, and it’s killing the patrons. Morgana wishes the guard she killed in the opening scene were alive again— this makes her pure enough to put the Wishmast back in his crystal. As she says the magic words, all his victims’ souls are returned to their owners.

Back in Hell, the Wishmaster doesn’t look happy. He’ll probably be back.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s been a while since we saw the first film, so here’s a link. This is more of the same. The deaths seem a little less creative this time, and the characters didn’t do much for me either. Andrew Divoff, as the djinn, is the only thing worth seeing here, and it’s clear that at least he’s having a good time.

I was a little bored with this one.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was initially thinking I’d seen this, but I now think it was just a compilation of some key scenes on YouTube.

It’s pointed out that when Andrew Divoff is in his human form, in this movie and the first movie, he doesn’t blink. Trivia says the director was impressed that he was doing it, but Andrew said he didn’t even realize that he was. I agree with Brian that Divoff is the bright spot in this. He’s perfect in the role, and it’s clear he’s really into it.

It’s on the dull side overall.

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As a special bonus, we’ll also talk about the mostly non-horrorish series, “Fallout Season 2” that just hit a physical media release. We liked it!

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #56, for May 2026, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link: https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

1968 Dracula Has Risen from the Grave

• Director: Freddie Francis

• Writers: Anthony Hinds

• Stars: Christopher Lee, Rupert Davies, Veronica Carlson

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

• Link:

Spoilery Synopsis

A boy rides his bicycle to the church; he’s the janitor. He goes to ring the church bell and notices that the rope is covered in blood. The priest comes in and climbs the long, winding stairs to the bell tower to find a dead girl hanging inside the bell with bite marks on her neck. “When shall we be free of his evil?” The priest cries. Time passes, and we see that winter has come and gone.

A year has passed since Dracula was destroyed in the previous film, “Dracula: Prince of Darkness.” The monsignor comes to town, and he says he wants to “clean” the castle of its evil influence. The local priest is terrified to even talk about it and refuses to walk all the way up the mountain to the castle. It’s dark by the time he arrives and begins his blessing. The terrified priest runs away and falls down the mountain, injuring himself and cracking open the ice that has trapped Dracula. The priest looks and finds that… Dracula Has Risen from the Grave!

The monsignor returns to the town and says everything is fine now; the castle has been exorcised. We soon see that Dracula has enslaved the priest. Dracula and the priest hop on a carriage and hurry to the nearest town, which just happens to be where the monsignor lives. Dracula has dinner on the way there, picking on Maria’s waitress friend Zena for a first course.

The monsignor returns to his own city. He is raising his niece, Maria, his ward, and her mother. Maria’s boyfriend accidentally gets soaked in beer, which doesn’t impress the snooty monsignor. When the boyfriend mentions that he’s an atheist, that impresses the monsignor even less.

The priest rents a room at the inn, and in the basement is a secret area where he hides Dracula and his coffin. Dracula tells Zena to bring Maria to him; he wants revenge on the monsignor. Zena does her job, and Maria is brought in before Dracula. He’s ready to bite her, but Paul interrupts and runs Dracula off. Dracula enters her bedroom later that night, uninvited, and finally bites her.

The monsignor finds the bite marks and knows immediately what has happened. Dracula comes back the next night, and the monsignor runs him off with a cross and chases him across the rooftops. The evil priest bashes the monsignor in the head with a rock. The monsignor calls for Paul to help, and he explains everything to him before he dies.

Paul catches on to the evil priest and makes him lead Paul to Dracula, who is in his coffin. Paul places the stake above his heart and impales him. It’s still not enough to kill Dracula because Paul is an atheist and will not pray. Dracula grabs Maria as he escapes. They both board a carriage driven by the priest, and once again, they head out of town.

They all run to the castle. Maria pulls the big cross off the door and throws it down the mountain. Paul and Dracula wrestle, and Dracula gets thrown down the mountain and impaled on the cross. The evil priest comes to his senses and prays, causing the final death of Dracula. When we look again, Dracula is gone. Did he get away? Did he turn to dust? We don’t see what happened. Surely, we’ll never see him again, will we?

Brian’s Commentary

Several interior sets from previous Hammer films are noticeable here, from the previous Dracula film as well as Frankenstein Created Woman.

It looks good and has a good story. Dracula actually gets lines this time, and not only that, but he also has a plan for revenge.

Paul freely admits that he’s an atheist. I’m no expert on the customs of the time period, but I suspect that’s not something anyone would have admitted to a monsignor in the vague-1800s. Atheism is a common-enough status today, but it would have been likely to cause all sorts of trouble for him in town in those days. Still, it’s an important point later when Paul actually drives a stake through Dracula’s heart, and it doesn’t work. The necessity of prayer to kill a vampire is unique to this film, as far as I am aware.

A lot of the plot has to do with Dracula needing to hide out because he can’t get back into the castle after the monsignor puts the cross on the door. Near the end of the film, he gets Maria to pull down the cross for him and throw it away, and that was good enough; why couldn’t he have simply told the possessed priest-servant to do the same about an hour earlier?

1995 Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace

• Director: Farhad Mann

• Writers: Farhad Mann

• Stars: Patrick Bergin, Matt Frewer, Austin O’Brien, and Ely Pouget

• Runtime: 92 minutes (1h 32m)

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This takes place immediately following the first movie, and about six years later. Despite Jobe putting himself into the machine and leaving his body behind in movie one, he’s still alive and doctors reconstruct his damaged face so Matt Frewer can play him this time. It’s sort of a stand alone more than a sequel. And the opening credits call the movie “Lawnmower Man 2: Jobe’s War.”

It’s tame and lame, pretty bland. Neither of us cared much for it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with some scenes from the ending of the previous film, where Cyber-Jobe gets out of the machine into the system before the building explodes. Dr. Benjamin Trace defends his Chiron Chip in court as credits roll.

A body is retrieved from the burning facility, and it turns out to be Jobe. Dr. Cori Platt communicates with the man through a computer terminal, but then he can speak. He was burned and reconstructed, so he doesn’t look like Jeff Fahey now, he looks more like Max Headroom. Jonathan Walker, the owner of the company, wants Jobe to build the Chiron Chip for him. They put Jobe into the VR machine, and things get weird quickly.

In Los Angeles, in the future, it looks like Blade Runner, but with less steam and more VR helmets. Peter, Jade, Shawn, and Travis steal access codes. Their group is like the Lost Boys meets “Hackers.” They all go into the VR world, but it’s a warzone now. With a little help from Harvey, the too-intelligent dog, they find Jobe, who has missed Peter.

Jobe says Cyberscape is dying, and he needs Peter to find Dr. Trace. Walker talks to the senator about his nefarious plans.

Peter comes to Dr. Trace’s house, and they talk about Jobe. Peter explains how the new and improved VR works; if you die in the game, you die in the real world. Trace jacks in and talks to Jobe about the Chiron chip, which he’s using to build a virtual world. Trace quickly comes to the conclusion that Jobe is insane. Jobe wants to know what “Egypt” means, and it’s some kind of encoded secret. Trace explains that the Egypt code would let Jobe access any system in the world.

Walker uses Jobe to blackmail rich Democrats like the senator, who wants to revoke their license. Jobe then kills the senator by making his plane crash.

Cori confronts Walker about putting the project online tomorrow. She’s worried about Jobe, but Walker doesn’t care. Trace warns Cori about Jobe yet again and then sneaks into the Virtual Light compound with the kids. They steal the Chiron Chip, and soon all the guards chase them as Jobe giggles on the monitors. This leads to all the good guys running to the exit and getting away.

Turns out, they stole a fake chip, and Walker still has the real one. He gets the President of the USA to jack in along with many VIPs. Jobe is there with the Chiron Chip, and he makes it so that he has twelve hours until the global interface. He starts taking over systems around the world, but it’s not irreversible for another twelve hours.

Jobe takes over a helicopter and crashes it into Trace’s house. He then creates computerized mayhem all over the world. Jobe wants people to hate their world and live in his. Walker confronts him and Jobe quickly shows him who the real boss is.

Trace needs to go into the system and trick Jobe into destroying himself. They do a virtual sword fight, and the Chiron Crystal is destroyed. The Egypt thing takes over and destroys Jobe and the whole cyberworld.

Trace and the others find Jobe, who’s regressing to his old lawnmower-man self. Walker comes in and grabs Peter, but he’s electrocuted instead.

Everyone smiles as they go outside into the post-apocalyptic hellscape that is Earth.

Brian’s Commentary

Peter’s like five years older than in the previous film, but the world has gone full cyberpunk Blade Runner in that time. Jobe, whose body melted in the previous film, is back in a corporeal body again, which isn’t really explained.

This feels like a sci-fi movie targeted towards children, and it’s just as logical as that sounds. Most of it makes no real sense. Plus, they’ve stolen a whole lot of plot elements from the various Star Wars movies.

Why were the guards suddenly following Jobe’s orders? He was Walker’s slave, and a secret one at that.

There’s surprisingly little VR in this film, but the sci-fi that is here is all very cliched and gimmicky. It’s just plain awful.

Kevin’s Commentary

So despite it taking place immediately after the first movie, with some time for Jobe to heal with about six years passing, it’s now a futuristic Blade Runnerish world now.

It’s said that there was conflict in the editing stage, with the producers taking over from director-writer Farhad Mann, so it’s not quite the movie he intended. Perhaps it would have been better. Like Brian pointed out, it seems like a sci-fi movie for kids. But with quite a bit of violence and a pretty good body count.

We paused for a break, saw there was half an hour to go, and both groaned. This is not a good sign for a movie. It’s not the worst movie I’ve seen, but I wasn’t very entertained.

2026 This is Not a Test

• Director: Adam MacDonald

• Writers: Adam MacDonald

• Stars: Olivia Holt, Froy Gutierrez, Luke MacFarlane, Corteon Moore, Chloe Avakian, and Carson MacCormac

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 43 Minutes

• Trailer (YouTube):

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Five students in their twenties shelter in their high school after a zombie outbreak. It starts out fast, and there are some frantic moments, but the pacing is uneven, and it often drags. We both agreed there wasn’t anything new here, which really reduced the entertainment for us.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Sloane in the bathtub, with a suicide note in-hand, but then she changes her mind. Sloane’s sister left them, and she’s not happy about it, especially since dad’s an abusive jerk. Suddenly, there’s abrupt chaos, and her dad says they need to leave. Yes, it’s a very sudden zombie apocalypse! Dad gets bitten in a violent but quick battle, and then Sloane runs outside. Credits roll.

The next day, we cut to a group of teenagers hiding inside the high school. They have to beat the principal to death with a phone, but he’s a zombie, so that’s OK.

We flash back to Sloane’s run yesterday. She runs into Rhys and Cary and goes with them. They join Grace, Trace, and their mother and hide in a house. They decide to run to the school, but are attacked on the way.

We get additional flashbacks concerning Sloane’s sister, who left the abusive father and sister alone together. Of the five survivors, there are already conflicts and alliances.

They find Mr. Baxter, one of the teachers, hiding in a closet; he won’t tell them how he got inside. He’s a perv for Sloane, and creepy to boot. Cody says the teacher’s been bitten and wants to shoot him. Rather than be shot, he volunteers to leave. On the way out, he bites Cory.

After ejecting Baxter, they decide to isolate and observe Cory. Sloane and Rhys have some happy-time together, as do Cory and Grace. Baxter returns, and Trace shoots Grace by mistake in the ensuing scuffle.

Sloane gets a text from her sister and wants to go to the family home in the morning. Trace has killed himself, so now there are only three left. They make a run for Sloane’s house and lose Cody along the way.

Sloane and Rhys make it to the house and find Sloane’s sister, Lilly, there– but she’s been turned, so Sloane has to kill her. She and Rhys drive off to find the safe zone they heard about on the radio.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s teenagers and drama in a high school during a zombie outbreak. That’s all there is to this. There are also lots of people yelling over each other in many scenes to make it seem more tense.

It’s well-made and looks good, but there’s nothing here that we haven’t seen MANY times before.

Kevin’s Commentary

It starts fast, and there are fast moments, but it’s inconsistent with some really dragging points. And there’s too much “teen” drama.

There wasn’t much new that we haven’t seen before in fast zombie movies, and the pacing wasn’t great. While the production values were very good, I was actually kind of bored through much of it.

2026 Lee Cronin’s The Mummy

• Director: Lee Cronin

• Writers: Lee Cronin

• Stars: Jack Reynor, Laia Costa, May Calamawy, Natalie Grace, and Verónica Falcón

• Runtime: 133 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A girl disappears in Egypt. Eight years later, she turns up and is returned to her family. But she’s not at all right, and it’s a nightmare for everyone that just gets worse and worse as the movie progresses. The effects are nasty and effective. The story and pacing are good, and it never lets up. We both thought it was great.

Spoilery Synopsis

An Egyptian family is on vacation, and Mom is grumpy. The pet bird has somehow fallen over into a puddle of blood. The adults know what’s going on and head to the pyramid they have buried in the basement. “How do we know it’s time?” asks the husband. “We check,” says the wife. They open the huge stone sarcophagus using a complicated winch setup and peek inside. “Is he awake?” Yeah, he’s awake. Credits roll.

Charlie Cannon is in Cairo teaching his kids Morse Code. He’s a reporter in Egypt. His wife, Larissa, is pregnant with another kid, but the first two like to fight a lot. The little girl, Katie, meets Layla’s mother, the magician, and she looks very familiar. She’s got candy and magic tricks, and she gives Katie candy and an apple. She also feeds her a magic bug. When Charlie goes to look for her, she’s vanished.

Detective Zaki is newly assigned to Missing Persons at the police department, and she’s assigned Katie’s case. The chief detective thinks Charlie killed his own daughter.

Eight years later, Charlie and his family live in New Mexico, and they have never found Katie. Older Sebastian wants to go on a school trip to Europe, but his mother won’t allow it. Maud has been born and is about eight.

Back in Egypt, an airplane falls from the sky. Inside the plane was that stone sarcophagus we saw before. Experts try to image what’s inside but can’t see through it. They open it up, and there’s a mummy inside. The mummy inside is in surprisingly good shape and then sits up, screaming. It’s Katie.

Charlie gets a call from Cairo, and the man there says they found Katie– alive. She’s catatonic and has weird skin, seems heavily sedated, andt she’s not quite right. Zaki explains about the way Katie was recovered.

As monstrous as Katie is now, the parents take her home. She quickly goes full-Exorcist in front of the whole family. Seb and Maud are a little terrified of her, and the parents are at a loss as well. Katie sneaks into the big crawl space in the walls that night and leads them all on a chase.

The next day, Larissa and her mother try to clean up Katie, and her toenails and teeth are horrific. This goes… badly. Charlie suggests finding a place for Katie to live, but Larissa’s not having that; this leads to an argument. Katie pulls off a big strip of skin from her leg, and Charlie notices that it has Egyptian writing on the inside.

Charlie shows the strips of skin to Professor Baxter, an expert. The text is extremely old, and the professor gets to work on translating it. Katie doesn’t speak, but she makes clicking noises that Charlie recognizes as Morse Code. She says, “Layla” over and over. Charlie soon figures out that Layla was the neighbor girl back in Egypt.

Late that night, Katie uses her supernatural powers to possess Maud. Baxter tells Charlie that Nazmeranian is an ancient Egyptian demon, a destroyer of families who travels from person to person. Then it was trapped by using an ancient ritual.

Zaki works on tracking down Layla at a nectarine farm in the middle of the desert. She finds the house with the pyramid inside and goes exploring. She shoots Layla’s mother and then chases Layla through the farm. She eventually finds a videotape about Katie, and it talks about how using an innocent child is best. “Katie is not supposed to be outside the box.” Layla has no tongue, so she writes out a full explanation.

Meanwhile, Katie and a pack of coyotes mess up Grandma. At the funeral, Maud is looking pretty evil as Katie’s bedroom door now has a big padlock on it. Still, Katie starts her corrupting work on Seb next. The funeral is memorable, to say the least.

Zaki shows up and shows Charlie and Lari the tape. Eighty-two people have been mummified to contain the evil Nazmaranian - children work the best because they hold up the longest. We see what they did to little Katie; Nazmeranian came out of the old, dead mummy and into her. Then they wrapped her like a mummy and sealed her away.

At the same time, Seb is upstairs helping Katie peel her skin off. Dead-Grandma gets up out of her coffin and torments Charlie. Katie goes berserk and attacks… everyone. All manner of nastiness ensues. Eventually, Zaki says the magic words that make Nazmaranian leave Katie’s body and go into Charlie’s.

Katie wakes up, mentally normal now. They bury Charlie in a chained-up box in the basement with the proper runes to keep him inside. He taps out in Morse Code to the three kids. Katie’s normal again, as are Seb and Maud.

Zaki and Lari talk; Layla’s mother isn’t dead, but in prison. Lari comes into her cell and brings Charlie with her… to transfer Nazmeranian into the evil woman…

Brian’s Commentary

The scariest part might be the toenail-clipping scene. There’s a lot of body horror and gore here, and it’s all really well done. All the creature effects here are really excellent.

The family needed to institutionalize Katie after about the first hour, but even after her weirdness became evident to everyone, they still didn’t do anything.

The acting, sets, and everything are really good here, especially the pacing, which never slows down or gets boring for a minute.

This was excellent!

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s got some real cringe and wince moments with the gore and effects with body horror.

That was the best wake ever.

Everything about it was really well put together, very impressive. I liked it a lot. Best of the modern Mummy movies for sure.

2026 Undertone

• Directed by: Ian Tuason

• Written by: Ian Tuason

• Stars: Nina Kiri, Adam DiMarco

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A skeptical paranormal podcast producer starts to believe a bit as strange audio gets a little too real. It’s interesting how it’s made, with only two actors seen - Nina Kiri as Evy, mostly - and everyone else as audio only, and all taking place inside one house. It’s quiet and slow-moving, all about the audio. It gradually builds and gets creepier as it goes along. We were both very entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on an old woman in bed as Evy sings to her. The old woman is clearly dying, and credits roll.

Evy puts on her headphones and calls Justin on her computer. She tells him about her sick mother– she just wants it to be over. They talk about “The Undertone,” a podcast they both create about “freaky” things. This time, they talk about a cursed video that made 91 people kill themselves, but it’s been debunked.

On another topic, Justin shares a weird email that’s full of random letters and audio clips. Justin plays the first clip, and it’s a couple of people talking. Mike wants to record Jessa, because he says she talks in her sleep. At one point, Jessa starts singing in her sleep. In the second clip, there’s a sound like “Mike kill all.”

Evy tells Justin she wants to stop recording for the night, and they sign off. She goes upstairs to check on her mother and goes to bed. In the morning, Evy calls the doctor about a pregnancy test and talks to Mama’s nurse.

Evy’s invited to a party, but when the time comes, she has to clean up her mother - and she tells her mother she’ll be back in a few hours. She doesn’t get home until morning, and then finds her mother on the bedroom floor.

Evy and Justin resume their talk about the weird sound clips. The fourth clip is about a weird doll that Jessa and Mike have, and then there’s some loud banging. They put off recording for a couple days so Evy can get some sleep.

Instead, she looks at that audio clip in more detail and plays some of it backwards. It says “Come in Abyzou” over and over, putting Evy into a trance. Abyzou is “the taker of children,” an old-time demon. The lore has a bunch of dead babies and stillborn births, which doesn’t do much for the now-confirmed-pregnant Evy.

One of Mike and Jessa’s clips now has a baby crying on it, but they don’t have a baby. Then there’s a scream. The next clip has another baby and some music, as well as more screaming. There’s more about “Ba Ba Black Sheep” and Abyzou.

Justin gets scared and wants to scrap this episode, but Evy thinks it’s gold. Maybe do a two-parter episode? Evy keeps noticing that things move in Mama’s room. Maybe she’s not as comatose as she appears?

Evy listens to a meditation/relaxation recording to help her get to sleep. It’s not as relaxing as you might think.

It’s time to record the next podcast, and they have two audio clips left to analyze. Evy’s still convinced that the whole thing is a hoax, but Justin believes it’s all real. They take live callers (on a recorded podcast?) and the caller recognizes Mike and Jessa, who died from suicides. Another listener talks about music played backwards and a mother who killed her baby.

The final audio file says “She is listening” over and over. There’s more loud banging, screaming, and children’s music. Then Jessa name-drops Justin’s name in the recording. A caller explains that they shouldn’t have called out to Abyzou, who lives in the tenth file. Another caller, Abby, talks about killing her own baby.

Out of the blue, Evy admits she killed her mother. The call with Abby gets even weirder after that, tying together all the things we’ve heard so far.

Meanwhile, Evy’s house turns red, and she stops to watch that cursed video that was mentioned in the beginning of the film. The power goes out, and then things get really weird. Maybe Mama’s not dead after all… and the call ends.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s all done in one house, with one actress and a bunch of voice actors, so it’s obviously pretty low budget. Still, what we get looks good, but not much happens on-screen. It’s all about the audio files and sounds.

I was entertained throughout, but it was definitely a slow burn.

Kevin’s Commentary

For such a quiet, low-action movie, I thought it was fascinating to watch. And listen to. Nina Kiri is great, and it’s really well put together.

Hmm. They were recording a podcast and taking live callers at the same time. Somehow, folks knew where and when to call.

I liked how it ended with just audio. Pretty cool. I liked it.

2026 Fallout Season 2

• Directed by: Various, depending on the episode

• Written by: Various, depending on the episode

• Stars: Ella Purnell, Aaron Moten, Walton Goggins, Kyle MacLachlan

• Run Time: Around 55 minutes per episode / 8 Episodes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Let us state up front that Season Two is every bit as entertaining as Season One, if not more so. The weird retro-futuristic-alternate timeline is still there. The dark humor, satire, and violence are dialed up. We laughed, chuckled, and winced many times watching this. As people who are barely familiar with the video game, we say it’s not a requirement to have ever played the game to have fun with this show. But from what we have seen in commentary and trivia, there is a lot of homage and references to the video game that you’ll recognize if you have played it.

Besides the great stories going on in the foreground, the richness of the background details, sets, and characters is impressive. They clearly had money to work with after the success of Season One and put it to excellent use.

This season seems more fragmented than the last, showing the stories of The Ghoul, his life as a human in the past with his wife Barb and her conflict of loving him and their daughter overlapping with her role in the Company, the sagas of the Maclean family (Lucy, Norm, and Hank), Maximus trying to do the right thing, and the struggles and politics of Vaults 31, 32, and 33. And there’s the power struggle over cold fusion running throughout. The transitions between the different individuals and groups is smooth, and they all interact and overlap nicely like a handful of pebbles thrown into a pond with expanding circles. The writers knew what they were doing.

The use of songs is so great, very well placed, and well used.

It’s a strong thumbs-up from us. If you liked Season One, do continue on to Season Two for a good time. It’s a skilled cast with high production values that all come together.

Brian’s Commentary

It moves a lot more quickly than Season One, since it doesn’t need to set up all the characters and situations, but it still feels like it’s dragging out a story too long, especially the Howards’ story from the past— just tell us what happened and get on with it! I guess they need to drag this out so they can let Walton Goggins have some screen time with his own face.

There are essentially three main story lines, one for Lucy and her father, one for Maximus, and one for The Ghoul, or maybe four if you count Cooper Howard from the past. Oh, yeah, and whatever’s going on with Norm and the guys in the vaults, but we don’t get as much of those this year. Any one of these would be an interesting basis for a series, but we get some part of each story in every episode.

The visuals are excellent, a mix of practical and CGI, as are the many creatures and monsters that appear this year. I assume they’re all right out of the video games, but I have no experience with those. The choice of old-timey songs from our grandparents’ days is fun, and those songs are still entertaining today.

I’ve seen that it has been renewed for Season Three, but the ending this year mostly wraps up the main storylines we’ve been seeing. Time for a new chapter?

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought it was very entertaining through the whole thing. I was never bored.

We do jump right in after Season One, continuing smoothly with that stuff as well as introducing new things as the story moves along. There’s more explanation about how the world got to be the way it is now thanks to the generous flashbacks from the past, with a surprising number of characters who still manage to be around 200 plus years later.

I loved that Lucy and Maximus get back together at the end, my two favorite characters.

I’m looking forward to more fun in Season Three - I see that was already renewed and underway before this season started showing.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Voidance

• Directed by: Marianna Dean

• Written by: Simon X Frederick

• Stars: Zoe Cunningham, James Cosmo, Eloise Lovell Anderson

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Alana wants to join the elite ATIC guard, but in order to be accepted she has to complete a simulated mission to solve a mystery and stop a terrorist attack. It plays out like a holographic video game that she gradually solves in steps and goes back to the beginning of the program when she fails - and she only has 20 chances to get it right. It’s far in the future and far from Earth, heavy science fiction, really not horror. Kevin thought it was great. Brian thought it was well made, but he wasn’t entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

At ATIC headquarters, Atopia, an agent is congratulated on making it this far. Agent Polo comes in a hologram and explains to Alana about her mission. A spaceship has been stolen and used to rob a cargo ship. This crime was perpetrated by a terrorist group on the neighboring planet, Cho-Hacha. Alana’s mission is to find the ship, arrest the assailants, and figure out what’s going on.

Later, in The Forge, the space-bar on Cho-Hacha, the people there don’t like ATIC very much, and no one will talk to her. Suddenly, everyone in the bar starts arguing with each other, and a curfew is immediately announced. The power resets, and suddenly, everyone is normal again.

She goes to another room and finds a dead man and woman. Three men are there, claiming to have found the bodies first. One of the men, Tashir, isn’t supposed to be there. They all argue and something happens behind Alana. Fail.

Back in the Forge, Alana watches everything she saw before… again. Curfew is raised again. There’s some young people there handing around a petition. She uses the re-do opportunity to check out the murder site, and she sees the two victims, still alive. Alana recognizes that they’re saboteurs, about to wreck the ship. Things turn out differently this time. But someone shoots Alana, so she has to reset and try again.

Alana goes back to the bar, and the group is more friendly now. There’s more investigation going on, and she’s killed a few more times as are some of the characters; at least we get to know the characters a little better. It’s a complicated scenario to solve, and it keeps taking her more and more attempts. While her countdown from 20 is running out.

Eventually, Alana narrows it down to two drug-addicted terrorists and an EMP-like device that shuts down the station. Alana learns from Polo that this situation is all real, and it’s a test of her loyalty as well as her problem solving skills. In the process, she learns that ATIC may not be worth fighting for.

In several more rounds, Alana decides to try to save everyone, even the bad guys. But now she’s down to two more attempts, and she’s run out of ideas. But Polo insists that it can be solved, and she knows the solution. Alana finally talks to Issy about why she hates ATIC, and Polo tells her not to listen. Maybe Issy’s group aren’t terrorists after all. She uses what she knows to kill both terrorists and Issy has to die too - and that’s the solution.

Alana has passed the exam and now graduated as a real agent of ATIC. Alana then returns to the real Forge and joins the resistance group.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s like one of the time-loop episodes of “Star Trek,” or a videogame with save-points, but this one is set in a training simulator.

They make good use of limited sets and rooms. The costumes are good, and it’s clear that the writers have a whole backstory/world in mind that we only get small glimpses of.

I thought there was too much going on that we didn’t know. It wasn’t like a whodunnit, since we really had no idea what was going on. It wasn’t an action movie, either. It was a lot like someone playing a video game and getting through it by brute force trial-and-error.

It’s well made, but it didn’t do much for me.

Kevin’s Commentary

In the future, Britain will conquer space.

I thought it was fun how we get to see the same scenario and characters played out repeatedly with different variations as she tries different things. And it’s cool how she knows she’s in a simulation, and interacts with the gamemaster, which often confuses the characters because they think it’s real from their point of view, and they have no memory of the previous run throughs.

I kept thinking of “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray.

It reminded me of the frustration of playing some walk through video games. You might want it to end one way with certain results, but there is only one way you can win and you have to do those things whether you want to or not.

It’s clearly a low budget project and also clear that the makers knew what they were doing. Good script, limited sets, good minimal special effects, and a small, talented cast were all put to good work.

I thought the ending was ambiguous. Was she there to join the resistance? Or was she fully on board with ATIC because they showed her there was only one way to win, and she was there to infiltrate and destroy the resistance?

I thought it was excellent, I really enjoyed it.

2026 Strawstalker

• Directed by: George Henry Horton

• Written by: George Henry Horton

• Stars: Branika Scott, George Henry Horton, Dallas Steinback

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A fame seeking social media couple moves to a community on the edges of LA and gets ensnared with a powerful scarecrow creature. It’s found footage being livestreamed with a stream of follower comments scrolling along the side of the screen for much of the movie, which was an interesting touch. We both thought it was technically good, a decent story at the core, and realistic effects but we also both wished it had gotten to the good stuff sooner. Brian didn’t dig it at all, Kevin gives it a low-key thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Kurt, one of those financial vloggers who clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing. He talks about fake and pretentious vloggers, while obviously being one himself. He talks about being high last night, so much so that he doesn’t even remember what he’s going to show us.

We start with a girl talking about an “influencer house.” Kurt comes back on and talks about what a weird neighborhood that is. Henry and Haley are in that house, and they’re influencers. They’re obnoxiously pleased with being in L.A., heavy on the “obnoxious.”

They go into their new rental house and find it full of someone else’s clothes. They stop and have sex, but we see someone stalking around outside their window. After way too much foolishness, they find a stuffed scarecrow-looking thing in their backyard.

The couple takes a cab tour of downtown L.A. and Hollywood, and it’s not so impressive. Haley is really concerned about that scary scarecrow outside, but Henry laughs it off– worrying about it laying in the backyard literally keeps her up all night. She gets Henry to go out and find the scarecrow, which might have made one of the neighbors scream. Also, maybe it moves when they aren’t looking.

Eleanor comes over in the morning to see their “monster.” She’s the owner of the house, and she promises to have the gardener remove it next week. The couple then prepare to give a houseparty.

At the party, we get bodycam footage from the cops, who have come to warn them about the neighborhood. There’s a creepy guest there who asks about the dead crows they found in the backyard. She asks Henry about the scarecrow, which has vanished. Now Henry is terrified of the scarecrow.

Suddenly, the scarecrow comes inside and grabs Henry. After Haley says she loves Henry, the monster grabs her too. It drags them outside, where a bunch of cultists stand in a circle, waiting. These guys have a whole religion based around the Strawstalker, who keeps their community safe from deception and lies.

Eleanor is there, and she admits that she’s enticed many people there as an offering to the StrawStalker. The monster is not pleased and kills her. Haley tries to convince Henry that the StrawStalker is an actual monster, but he’s the densest man who ever lived and still thinks it’s a prank.

The cops show up, and they’re useless. As the scarecrow kills the final cop, Henry and Haley set it on fire. They run outside, straight into their next-door neighbor, who runs the cult. Eventually, the monster carries off Henry.

Kurt, the livestreamer, comes back on and doesn’t remember seeing any of that before. Then the monster kills him as well.

Brian’s Commentary

If I knew someone who said “Baybeee” as often as Henry, I’d kill him myself. Actually, I was hoping everyone in the film would die a lot quicker than actually happened. The filming is fine, the acting is all right, and the creature is interesting, although cheap-looking. The problem here is all the influencer/livestreaming stuff, which is just annoying as hell.

It’s dullsville, bay-beeee!

Kevin’s Commentary

Oh my goodness, I thought, Henry and Haley are people I would block on social media not follow. And I could have overlooked that if something interesting actually happened sooner - it went on far too long just watching their domestic and social life. It was a relief when things picked up, and much more entertaining.

Interesting premise that the community, so close to a major city, was a cult worshiping a demigod creature. The story itself is pretty cool, and it’s well made on the technical side of things. It just took too long to get to the good stuff.

2024 Protanopia

• Directed by: Matthew Mahler

• Written by: Matthew Mahler

• Stars: Timothy J. Cox, Anthony Carey, Paula Mahler

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 15 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a young woman goes missing, her brother has dreams about the house where Alan Roscoe Jr lives. And things aren’t at all normal with Alan or his house. It’s interestingly loaded with trippy visuals, bright colors, dreamlike sequences, camera tricks, and general weirdness. It’s thin on story, but still an interesting watch. We both give it a thumbs up overall.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a Bible lesson talking about a leprous house, and then credits roll.

A woman runs through the fog and opens a door; then she’s hit with a hammer, and someone starts putting up “Missing” posters about her.

A detective interviews Luke about the missing girl, his half-sister. Elsewhere, we see Alan, who kills an animal with his lawn mower and feeds the remains to someone in his basement. He obsessively cleans his house.

Alan bakes a pie and lets his guests in, but Janice also brings a pie, which throws off his routine. This is the neighborhood group, and they all have a prayer for Alan’s dead father. The meeting doesn’t go as Alan expects, so he’s not happy about that; Janice seems to be making a power play. They all eat her pie and not his.

Luke and Jack talk about his writing, which is hard since Mallory went missing. Luke then has a very weird vision.

Alan hears someone downstairs and grabs a shotgun. He goes down and finds the ghost of his dead father there, and the old man isn’t happy. He warns Alan to move the bones before he gets caught. He goes outside, digs up something, and his hallucinations just get more and more wild.

Naturally, Janice shows up in the middle of all this to retrieve her pie plate. He leads her to the basement and something happens.

Luke shows up at Alan’s house and looks around. He’s followed his visions of Mallory– but first, a song! Once he wakes up, Jack is still there, reading his book of dreams, but Luke explains that they aren’t his poems, someone is putting them there.

There’s a search for the missing girl, and Alan participates. Everyone wonders where Janice is, but no one really likes her. When he gets home after, he sees his father again.

The detective searches Alan’s backyard and finds bones. The detective and Luke wander around the foggy forest at night. They both head to Alan’s house and check out the basement. Alan calls Luke, “Jack.” The detective bursts in and shoots Alan, who turns into flowers. The detective also calls Luke “Jack.” Jack points at the detective and turns him into dirt.

As the poem said, there really is a lot of dirt in that house…

Luke, who is now Jim, lets in the neighborhood group for another meeting.

Brian’s Commentary

Wikipedia: Protanopia is a severe form of red-green color blindness caused by the complete absence of long-wavelength sensitive (L-cones) in the eye, commonly known as red blindness. People with this condition cannot detect red light, making them dichromats who only see in shades of blue, yellow, and beige.

When the screen goes red, Alan is really crazy.

Janice totally had it coming.

There are lots of weird visuals, colors, and camera tricks in this one. The music adds a lot to the experience as well. Kevin said toward the end, “There’s a story in there somewhere,” and that’s the main impression I got as well. This is visually very neat, but there’s not much plot to it.

Kevin’s Commentary

There is totally nothing wrong with having two pies at a gathering.

This one is all about the visuals and audio, which are excellent and kept me interested. The story, not so much - we have to hunt for that.

I was drawn to the screen and never bored, but would have enjoyed more of a straightforward story. I certainly liked it more than disliked it.

1978 Faces of Death

• Directed by: Conan LeCilaire

• Written by: Alan Black

• Stars: Michael Carr, Samuel Berkowitz, Mary Ellen Brighton

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

There isn’t a story to spoil. It’s really just a collection of death and violence, some real and some staged, involving both animals and humans, put together as a sort of documentary exploring the many Faces Of Death, narrated by actor Michael Carr proclaiming himself to be Dr. Francis B. Gröss. There’s a lot of real graphic content, and even the staged stuff is pretty realistic, so it’s not for the squeamish. It’s an interesting piece of work, a little on the long side.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on grainy footage of an open-heart surgery. We watch the heart beating in the opened-up chest and then stop (it looks more like a freeze-frame than the heart actually stopping). We see many photos of shrivelled-up dead people and an autopsy as the credits roll.

The doctor comes out and looks into the next patient. He tells us about medical failures, which are common. He’s Dr. Francis B Gröss, a pathologist, and he’s compiled a whole library of the faces of death. He tells us about a recurring dream he used to have about a woman, a priest, and a funeral.

He talks about a cemetery in Mexico with a lot of mummified corpses. He also talks about Matadors, bullfighting, and pitbulls in Mexico. He shows us a “lost tribe” in the Amazon jungle that uses blow-gun darts to kill monkeys for food. Not only that, but these guys are head hunters! We then cut to watch some farm animals being slaughtered.

We then cut to a middle-eastern restaurant that serves monkey. They bring a live monkey out to the table and beat it to death with little hammers. Then they cut open the skull and eat its raw, warm brains.

We then shift to poachers and other animal slaughtering. This leads us to a very fake-looking alligator attacking a policeman who was trying to catch him.

Political assassinations are up next. A hired assassin tells us about his work.

At the L.A. Morgue, we talk to the (real) coroner and see how the bodies are treated and stored.

Executions are the next fun topic as we focus on a murderer’s execution by electric chair. We see him led in, strapped to the chair, and get all wired up. It’s pretty nasty (and one of the fake ones). There’s also a beheading by sword in the middle-east.

A flesh-eating cult in California is up next, and they’re weird in a 70s kind of way. This leads us to snake-handler churches in Kentucky.

Surprisingly, cryonics comes up next, with a man who was frozen after he died. This one was real.

Drownings are up next, with a real body caught on film. Spelunkers, hikers, natural disasters, pollution, burning, war, the Holocaust, plagues, poverty, cancer, bad parachutes, train wrecks, car accidents, plane crashes, and more are all addressed.

The narrator then goes into the idea of life after death. What about ghosts and the supernatural? We watch a seance.

Dr. Gröss returns to the screen and wraps things up.

Brian’s Commentary

Back when video stores were a new thing, this was one of the first tapes I rented, and I assumed it was all real. It wasn’t. More than sixty percent of the deaths are real, but many are still fake. It’s all done very seriously, in the usual documentary style of the 70s.

It’s a little hard to tell with some shots whether they’re real or fake, so it is very effective. There’s a lot of gore and blood here. This was crazy in the 70s, but it’s pretty mild by modern standards. Or maybe I just read too much on Reddit.

It’s overlong, and I was ready for it to be over a half hour before the end.

Kevin’s Commentary

Adolf Hitler is listed in the credits, and today I learned he has 43 credits in IMDB as “Self” plus one upcoming at the time of this writing.

It’s a mix of real death and realistic staged stuff - violence, surgery, and gore. Trivia says it is about 60% real. The director openly admitted to everything after the movie was made. There’s a well put together Wikipedia page that tells about how it was made and information about what’s real and what’s not.

I don’t know if I’d define it as entertaining but it is at least interesting. Though like Brian said, it does start to feel long.

2026 Faces of Death

• Directed by: Isa Mazzei and Daniel Goldhaber

• Written by: Isa Mazzei

• Stars: Barbie Ferreira, Dacre Montgomery, Josie Totah, and Charli XCX

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A video content moderator starts coming across videos where someone seems to be recreating scenes from “Faces of Death” from 1978 for real. Or are they? Mystery and tension ensues as she tries to figure it out and gets involved herself. It’s not really a remake or a sequel - it’s a horror movie that exists in the same universe that the 1978 movie does. Brian didn’t like it, Kevin did. Split opinion on this one.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see someone watching violent videos on the internet in a cubicle. They’re content moderators. They allow or disallow submitted videos, and we get the familiar narrator from the original “Faces of Death” movies. Margot is interrupted, but she allows the video, tagged as “Likely fake.” Then she goes home to a creepy old factory where she talks to her roommate, Ryan, the artist. He wants her to go to a party; she’s not comfortable going out, but finally agrees. She’s immediately recognized as “that girl from the train video” and goes home.

The next day, Margot gives a lecture to new hires about the moderation process. She goes up to the roof for her lunch break and talks to a workfriend, who finishes her sandwich. When she goes back to work, we hear that narrator again, but the video isn’t from the old movie. We see a re-enactment of the electric chair scene from the 1978 film. Josh looks at the video and says to let it through, since “DIY horror is trending right now.” Still, she has doubts that this one might actually be real and cries in the restroom.

Arthur, a guy who works in a phone store, sees Samantha’s social media posting and tracks her down. We soon see him following the influencer around town. “Someone” in a mask grabs her in the locker room.

Margot watches a re-enactment of the monkey-brain scene, but this one uses a real person instead of a monkey. This one she flags to remove. She tells Josh again, but he doesn’t want to escalate to the police, because that’s bad PR. This causes a flashback to Margot’s sister’s death by train during an influencer-stunt. She posts the beheading video on Reddit and asks if it’s real or not.

Arthur, meanwhile, is stalking someone new. Neal invites Arthur in, and they talk about making videos. Neal works in television, but when his son walks in, Arthur finds a reason to leave– with Neal’s keys. That night, Arthur returns wearing a mask and knocks out Ryan– and his son Drew as well.

Margot obsesses down the Reddit rabbit hole about the video, and someone mentions that it reminds them of “Faces of Death,” a low budget documentary from 1978. Ryan, a horror fan, just happens to have an old VHS copy, so she watches it. She gets to the monkey brain scene and knows what she’s seeing. Then the electric chair scene looks really familiar too. Ryan says “None of it was real.”

Margot thinks someone is copying the old movie murders for real today. She recognizes the victim of the electrocution as a movie director who recently went missing. She hacks into the system at work to get at the metadata.

At his home dungeon, Arthur makes his prisoners watch the movie. He’s got Samantha, Neal, and Drew locked up in cages. He pulls out Neal and sets him up to re-enact a scene where cops shoot him a bunch of times.

Margot traces the videos to the same local area, but Arthur simultaneously tracks her. Ryan makes her stop. Arthur watches the train video that killed Margot’s sister– ouch! Margot goes to the police, who don’t believe any of her story. Josh fires her the next day.

Arthur comes to Margot’s door and attacks Ryan; Margot’s in the next room with headphones on. He then kidnaps both of them. Arthur’s videos are getting a lot of press and people are copycatting them. Margot gets loose, but Ryan gets decapitated.

Samantha also escapes, but Arthur shoots and recaptures her. Margot hears the shooting as she gathers digital evidence inside the house. Which saves her from a bullet when she escapes and now has a hole in it. She runs away and calls the police; she leads them right to Arthur’s house. Arthur, in the meantime, calls the police and reports Margot for trespassing. Arthur says she does this all the time, and Margot gets so upset that they arrest her.

Arthur knows Margot has his hard drive, and he texts her to return it or Drew and Samantha will die. She returns to him, but doesn’t take the drive, which he doesn’t know was destroyed. He talks about how famous his videos have become. “People love remakes.”

Arthur shows Margot Drew and Samantha’s cut-up corpses; he’s already killed them. He gives her a needle and forces her to inject herself. Margot, on the other hand, has a hidden knife, and she uses it on him repeatedly.

Margot records a video where she explains who Arthur is. She uploads her video of his confession and laughs as Arthur dies.

Brian’s Commentary

Are all horror films about filmmakers or influencers now?

It’s a neat idea using the old film as a template for murder, but the characters here are all annoying stereotypes.

It was a good attempt, but no, I didn’t like it.

Kevin’s Commentary

The 1978 “Faces of Death” was a mix of real death and violence along with realistic staged segments, so it’s interesting to play on that with Margot not being able to tell if the scenes she’s seeing are real or not. And others not knowing.

Narcan doesn’t work before you take drugs, like it did for Margot in the movie knowing Arthur was going to sedate her. Other than that point which I had an issue with, I really liked it a lot.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Send Help

• Directed by: Sam Raimi

• Written by: Damian Shannon and Mark Swift

• Stars: Rachel McAdams, Dylan O’Brien, Edyll Ismail, Xavier Samuel, Chris Pang, and Dennis Haysbert

• Run Time: 113 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When an employee and the company president are stranded on a tropical island after a plane crash, the boss has to rely on his underling to survive. But things get more complicated and interesting as time goes on. It’s really a good mix of drama, thrills, dark comedy, and horror. It was really good, and there was more to it than we expected.

Spoilery Synopsis

Linda goes to the office and sits in her stereotypical cubicle. Her boss, Donovan, takes her detailed report and takes credit for the whole thing. Linda’s not very popular in the office, maybe a little weird.

Linda thinks she’s next in line for VP when Bradley takes over for his father soon. As she explains things to her pet parrot, we see she has lots of survivor skill books on her shelf; and she’s a big fan of the TV show, “Survivor.”

The next day, Bradley and Donovan get promoted, and Linda gets her lunch on Bradley, who decides to fire her. Donovan gets the job Linda was expecting. She goes in to talk to Bradley about it, and he explains how she’s not ready for a VP yet; he needs more of a “People Person,” or someone who golfs. He’s not super-mean about it, and invites her to a meeting in another country that’s coming up. Linda meets Zuri, Preston’s fiancee. She goes out to the car to cry.

The group boards the private jet and talks about golf, while Linda continues working on her reports. They watch Linda’s audition for “Survivor” and laugh about that. Suddenly, the plane lurches, and everyone straps in.

Then it does a lot more than lurch as the whole plane comes apart. There’s a brutal struggle to see who’s going to be thrown out the hole, and then the plane crashes in the ocean.

Linda wakes up on the beach of a small island. She then finds Bradley passed out there as well. While he’s still unconscious, she uses her “Survivor” skills to make shelter and catch water. Bradley wakes up a day and a half later.

Linda makes fire, collects food and water, and sets up a camp, but he’s not appreciative. He’s her boss after all. She gets fed up with his crap and leaves him by himself, with no food or water. By the next day, he’s screaming for her help.

Linda eventually comes back, and now she wants to hunt a boar. That doesn’t go as well as she expected, but she does kill the boar. It’s a bloody mess. They have pig for dinner.

Linda spots a boat and runs to wave at it, but then stops. “Not yet.” Yes, she likes it here. Bradley whines about being here for two weeks, but Linda’s not whining, “It’s not that bad.”

Bradley still thinks he’s the boss, and he can do all the things she can. He can’t. He’s soon down to eating bugs. Linda’s got all kinds of food, and she doesn’t hide the fact. He ends up apologizing for everything. The power dynamic has clearly shifted. They make a sorta-ceasefire.

She leads him way up onto the mountain, but he can barely walk. She shows him a part of the island that’s totally covered in vines and that he should never go over there.

That night, they get drunk, and Linda talks about how her husband died. There’s a huge storm, and they end up hiding in a cave. Their camp is washed away, so they rebuild a new one together.

Bradley makes dinner for them, and Linda falls over; he drugged her with poison berries. He’s secretly built a raft and stolen some of her supplies. The raft quickly falls apart in the waves. Somehow, Linda rescues Bradley, while puking on him repeatedly.

Linda sets down some new rules. She drugs him right back with a poisonous octopus. Then she pulls out a knife and makes him a eunuch. No, not really, but she could have.

A boat pulls up, Zuri, Bradley’s fiancee, is on board. She’s continued searching even after everyone else has stopped. It’s just her and a boat captain, so Linda shows them a “short cut” over the mountain. Zuri falls, but we don’t see exactly what happens to the two newcomers. Linda returns to their camp alone.

That night, Zuri washes up on shore, still alive, and Linda freaks out. Zuri’s not real, just a nightmare. In the morning, Bradley finds Zuri buried on the beach, her huge diamond ring still showing.

When confronted, Linda says she slipped; it was an accident. He’s not buying that and chases her into the jungle with the stolen knife. They fight, and it’s not a play fight; there’s lots of biting and hair-pulling. He pokes her in the eye, and she swallows the engagement ring.

Bradley runs to the part of the island where Linda told him to never go. Turns out, there’s a huge house over there. Linda’s there, and she explains how she already got rid of all the knives except for hers. She’s watching him on the security cameras. She admits how she’s been coming to the house for quite some time. We get a flashback to what happened with Zuri - the boat captain was about to haul her up, but Linda gave him a shove.

Bradley begs for his life when she comes in with a shotgun. “I’ve changed!” he begs. He promises to live here on the island with her forever. He’s lying, of course, and they fight some more. Linda plays golf with Bradley’s head.

We cut to Linda, now being interviewed about her ordeal in the plane crash a year ago. They’re making a movie about her ordeal, and she’s famous now.

Brian’s Commentary

A CEO of a major corporation’s airplane crashes in the ocean within sight of an island, and there wasn’t any effort to search? They couldn’t have been that far off course.

For a long time, it looked like they would be rescued, Bradley would recognize Linda’s competence, and give her the promotion. That’s not the way it went at all. It eventually went “full Misery.”

Kevin’s Commentary

This reminded me a bit of “Castaway” meets “Misery.” Trivia also mentions similarities to “Triangle of Sadness,” which I have not seen.

It was well done as it builds, and we get to see how far Linda would go.

There was much more to it than I expected, and I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. It was great.

2026 Do Not Enter

• Director: Marc Klasfeld

• Writers: Dikega Hadnot, Spencer Mandel, David Morell

• Stars: Adeline Rudolph, Nicholas Hamilton, Jake Manley

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

• Trailer (YouTube):

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

As you might guess, they do enter. A group of urban explorer online fame wanna-bes break into a huge abandoned hotel seeking views and hidden treasure. They run into a competing group and they all run into supernatural troubles. It’s not stupendous, but it’s pretty good and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a woman crawling slowly down a hallway and then credits roll. We see old newspaper clippings of gangsters, hotels, and murders.

We cut to Diane, Rick, Cora, JD, and Vern as they do their video show about… subways? No, they’re just disguised as subway workers to sneak equipment aboard the train which allows them to jump off and break into a place to admire graffiti. JD steals a piece of the wall, which enrages Rick, who fires JD for “going against our code.” We then see the video and learn that they’re all “urban explorers.”

Only 82 people watch their video. What can they do to boost views? They want to explore the Paragon next. That’s where gangster Meyer Lansky stashed his millions, and anyone who has ever gone looking for it has gone missing. They notice that JD has started his own channel, and he’s got way more views than they do.

Ballenger, with VICE News, comes to the motel to accompany them to the abandoned hotel. Cora vouches for the guy, but he looks more gangster than journalist. They all soon arrive at the Paragon, and there’s a big “Do Not Enter” on the old place. The only way in is by crawling through the sewers. There are trillions of rats, all running past them (away from something?).

Diane gets separated from the others and runs into something creepy. Cora and Ballenger talk about the group so we know what everyone’s job is. Vern, the photographer, finds weird bloody claw marks on the walls. Rick steps into a bear trap, and it’s pretty nasty. Still, he doesn’t want to leave without Diane, who they still haven’t found.

The group comes to a tree, and hanging from the branches are cell phones, cameras, and other things that clearly aren’t old-timey. Rick spots Diane’s phone there, and now they know something happened to her. Rick decides that they don’t have time to call the police.

JD’s gang shows up, with guns, and takes the group hostage. Tod’s the leader, and he’s more extreme than even JD expects. Ballenger admits that he’s not a reporter, he’s here to look for his wife, who went missing here a few months ago. Tod throws Rick over the stairway, and the fall looks bottomless. Rick, however, had the plans to the motel, so they have to go find him.

They run into Beth, the photographer who was with Amanda, Ballenger’s wife. “He’s coming. We’re all gonna die,” she whispers. JD is killed in the dark and something attacks the group, who start shooting. Beth is accidentally shot.

Meanwhile, Diane, who is not dead, wakes up in a room full of candles and a big pentagram. Cora finds Rick, who isn’t dead either, but knows something is coming for them. The skinny white creature comes after them, and he’s really strong. Cora runs to an elevator, which has power apparently and escapes to a security room full of monitors. She sees the room Diane is in on one of them.

Cora finds videotapes and Diane finds a book, and between the two, we get some idea of the Satanic stuff that’s been happening here. Tod and Mack find the manager’s office with some bodies and a huge pile of cash, but they don’t live long afterward.

Frank drops an elevator car on the white creature, so it must all be over, right? Frank finds Amanda’s phone, and not long after, her corpse, with heart removed.

Frank, Cora, and Vern get together in the security room and decide to find Diane. They see her on the monitor and head that direction. Then they see the creature on the screen, totally not dead.

Diane, in the meantime, has put on a wedding dress to become the bride of the creature. She smacks him in the head and runs away, where Frank tackles him; they both fall a dozen stories. Frank dies, and the creature is impaled on the “phone tree.”

Diane then finds Rick, who for some reason still isn’t dead yet. We get headlines that Lansky’s millions were found. Their video has hundreds of millions of views. Rick surprises everyone by showing them a bagful of money; he’s given up “the code.”

Brian’s Commentary

The hotel is full of sculptures, ornaments, and looks intact inside after being closed for decades (on the NJ shoreline as well). In all those years, no developer wanted that real estate? The creature is well done, but nothing outstanding. The sets are really good, although it’s more like a mall than a hotel.

The acting was fine. It had a few surprises. Nothing outstanding, but I was entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

At first I was thinking it was a “Hills Have Eyes” situation set in an abandoned hotel, but it was quickly clear that wasn’t correct.

A fundamental flaw, it’s a huge building of prime shoreline real estate, full of salvageable decor, fixtures, and art. It’s a stretch to think that it’s just been sitting there for decades. Plus it seems to be fairly well known that there’s possibly hundreds of millions of dollars hidden in there somewhere. Supposedly everyone who goes in there is never heard from again, or something like that, but that wouldn’t hold up in the real world - action would be taken. But I suppose the dark forces were keeping things the way they were. I had a hard time buying into it.

All things considered though, the cast is good, all the technical aspects are good, the suspense was good. I’d call it a win overall.

2023 Malibu Horror Story

• Director: Scott Slone

• Writer: Scott Slone

• Stars: Dylan Sprayberry, Robert Bailey Jr., Valentina de Angelis, Rebecca Forsythe, and Tommy Cramer

• Runtime: 85 minutes

• Trailer (YouTube):

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A quartet of paranormal investigating filmmakers look into the footage and clues regarding a quartet of guys who vanished without explanation. They do indeed find out what happened to the four guys. It’s sort of found footage within a movie and well put together. The build, tension, and effects are all good. We both thought it was all right, Kevin more so than Brian.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a bunch of people camping in a cave and making a documentary about ghosts. They have a “ghost communication” device. Ashley lights a candle and starts talking to spirits. Something happens, and the camera sorta-kinda sees something. Josh, Matt, Ashley, and Jess celebrate. Jess shows Josh the footage they’ve already got which doubles as some exposition for us. Four local teenagers went missing in these same caves. Josh found video footage from the teens’ misadventure. Meta-credits roll.

Jake, Carlos, Tyler, and Carter got into a van in 2012 and were never seen again. We get news footage and interviews with their families from ten years ago. Eventually, the police gave up until the van and a video camera were found in the hills. We watch some of their video as the teens party. People were not pleased with the drunken, drugged-up teens and everyone stopped caring that they had never been found.

We’re told that the area where the boys went missing was Indian territory, so there could be all kinds of weirdness there. They did, in fact, find some burial plots. Then they found a cave and went right inside, completely unequipped to do so. They all talk about portals to “other worlds” like the ones in this cave. We then hear about how Jake’s great-grandfather murdered a bunch of Indians that wouldn’t leave his land– he buried them in one of the caves.

Carlos sneaks some of the muffins out of Jake’s bag and unknowingly eats a triple-dose of shrooms. Carlos starts seeing weird things, probably hallucinating. Jakes explains that his grandparents went missing, and they just found the skulls. Could the whole family be cursed? They follow Carlos into a cave, and that’s where the footage stops.

Ashley, Josh, and their group explains a little more about apparitions that appeared in the found footage. Their group is now camped out in the same cave. Jess manages to uncorrupt some additional old footage, and we see what was living in the cave. Carlos was possessed by an Indian demon, a skinwalker. The thing grabs Carter and drags him back into the caves while the others follow. It goes badly for the others, too.

Ashley warns that it’ll get really bad if it possesses one of them, and they did invite it in with the candle ritual earlier. They all start packing up, but it’s too late. All their ghost-hunting equipment starts signaling, and it gets weird inside the cave. Ashley is dragged off by something invisible. Matt goes off looking for her and disappears as well.

Matt gets possessed and starts crawling after Josh as Ashley and Jess search the caves. There’s a lot of wandering around in the dark. The two girls then look for an exit after narrowly avoiding the creature. None of them make it out alive but the cameras record everything…

Brian’s Commentary

About half the film is the documentary explaining what happened with Jake’s group, and the rest is about Josh’s group ten years later. The creature is well-made and looks good, but it relies way too much on loud jump scares to make it creepy. The cave is surprisingly clean, with wide hallways and perfectly level floors.

It was OK as a found footage, but not great.

Kevin’s Commentary

Even not being an expert, I can see it’s a generic mishmash of Native American history and lore, but it gets the job done for the story.

It seemed familiar at a lot of points and in a lot of ways, but it’s well put together. It’s a little on the bland side, but I’d call it a win for entertainment.

2023 Baby Blue

• Directed by: Adam Mason

• Written by: Simon Boyes, Adam Mason

• Stars: Aramis Knight, Ally Loannides, Cyrus Arnold

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of young people attempt a true crime documentary about the deceased serial killer Baby Blue who might still be continuing his work from beyond the grave. There were a lot of elements that we’ve seen before, but it’s well put together with a lot of interesting touches that kept it interesting enough to entertain. We both enjoyed it and would recommend it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Laura, in an interrogation room, being questioned for murder. “He made me do it.” Who? “Blue!” She’s possessed by Baby Blue and starts singing there in the interrogation room. She then kills herself with a pencil. Credits roll.

Three half-siblings argue about the merit of making bad prank videos. August, Alice, and J.J. all seem to hate what they’re doing, but they put on the gorilla suit and start filming. Their manager, Mo, hates it; it’s not cutting edge. He wants them to do “true crime” instead. He then fires the group. Alice thinks of doing a film about The Redmont, a place with a lot of deaths. She shows them a video of a man named Kelvin being attacked in an elevator by something invisible and then jumping off the roof. It’s a supernatural true crime, and they decide to investigate.

They stop to talk to Joy, the last person to see Kelvin Jones alive. She warns them that they’re all going to die if they keep investigating. Baby Blue will kill them all; he was the first victim of the Redmont. They go to the Redmont and meet the manager, Bud. The power to the apartment has been shut off, so it’s all dark and creepy– and there are rats.

As April, JJ, and Hutch keep the property manager busy in Kelvin’s apartment, August goes up to the roof. JJ finds a bloody cellphone that used to belong to Kelvin, and upstairs, August hears someone singing a song. Everything that happened to Kelvin now happens to August– but he doesn’t die.

The group goes home and opens Kelvin’s phone. It’s got a video from Kelvin on it, saying that this is really Baby Blue’s phone, and it’s cursed. He warns them not to watch the other video on the phone, which cannot be deleted. Can an iPhone video really be cursed? JJ wants to watch it, but the others aren’t so sure. They toss the phone.

Hutch, on the other hand, digs out the phone and makes his own video with August. We don’t see much of the video, but it seems to involve cannibalism. Hutch then throws the phone into the ocean. They wonder if they’re cursed now.

They are.

Baby Blue comes to Hutch that night, and they have a conversation before Hutch cuts his own throat.

In the morning, JJ has done more research, and they learn there have been many more Baby Blue suicides. August, meanwhile, is freaking out because he knows he watched the video. They interview Manos Sloane about one of the deaths. He sold the phone to Kelvin after his son David bought it.

David lives in the dark basement, strapped to a table to keep him from killing himself. David tells his story; Baby Blue got inside his head. “He goes inside you until he’s in control. He slaughtered over 30 people when he was alive. How many more since he died?” They set up remote cameras to watch over David that night when Baby Blue comes to him. August admits he watched the video, and he’s terrified.

They go to see Ellen, a psychic, to help. She touches the cursed phone and immediately gets taken over. She’s a hoot. She suggests returning the cursed phone to its owner, and maybe the spirit will rest then.

They take August to a motel, tie him up, and gag him for his own safety. “We shoulda done that years ago,” JJ quips. JJ and Alice snoop and find out where Baby Blue lived with his mother and sister. Mama Blue and Sadie Blue still live in the old house in the country, and they invite the siblings inside. Mama says her son didn’t do anything wrong, since all his victims were sinners. Mama explains that she buried Blue’s ashes in the backyard, but she also drugged their drinks, which turned out to be breast milk.

Meanwhile, Baby Blue and August have an all-day conversation.

JJ wakes up chained to a bed with a pacifier as Mama sings the Baby Blue song as she milks herself. In the basement, Sadie makes Alice watch the cursed video of Blue’s suicide. Sadie relents and lets Alice go, and she runs right outside to bury the iPhone. Sadie then kills Mama and releases JJ.

Before she can bury the phone, Baby Blue possesses Alice, who hangs herself. Surprisingly, back at the motel, August puts up quite a resistance to Blue. Blue then comes to JJ and taunts him, but JJ never actually watched the video. JJ drops the phone into Blue’s grave. Blue puffs into a cloud of red flame. And suddenly, Alice wakes up.

In the morning, Alice and JJ return to find August in the motel, bloody but alive. The group then finds the suicide tape online, and now everyone can see it. August admits it was him.

Brian’s Commentary

There are lots of weird little visual details that you have to be paying attention to notice, which add some fun depth to this.

Milk is disgusting, no matter what it comes out of.

There are lots of cameras, and the characters are filmmakers, but it’s not a found footage film. Overall, it’s not bad!

Kevin’s Commentary

The IMDB description refers to the gang who are clearly in their 20s as teenagers, but at least they don’t play that up and aren’t shown going to high school.

If you watch closely, you can see that JJ doesn’t believe in stop signs when he drives.

Little details like smoke coming out of the back of Baby Blue’s head when he was having a cigarette was a nice touch too. Plus it’s a movie that will make you want to have a nice glass of milk afterward.

I thought it was really good.

1992 Lawnmower Man

• Directed by: Brett Leonard

• Written by: Stephen King, Brett Leonard, Gimel Everett

• Stars: Jeff Fahey, Pierce Brosnan, Jenny Wright

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 48 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A simple-minded guy becomes an experimental subject, which greatly increases his intelligence. And psychic abilities. And cyberspace mastery. The story is cool, but the computer graphics were more ambitious than the technology of the time allowed - they are basic by today’s standards. It holds up pretty well for entertainment, heavy on science fiction, but not so much on computer visuals.

Spoilery Synopsis

We are told that by the turn of the millennium, a new technology, VIRTUAL REALITY, will allow people to enter computer generated artificial worlds. It may be a new form of mind control…

At Virtual Space Industries, Larry Angelo talks about his artificially intelligent ape. He’s a great warrior in the battle simulations. We then see the ape inside the VR system, which rolls and tilts as the ape sees a “realistic” world inside. Credits roll.

Later, the ape picks the lock on his cage and escapes– straight to the VR lab, which he activates. The ape shoots a guard with his own, real gun. The security team is sent to track the ape, which they soon do.

Dr. Angelo tries to watch TV, but there’s nothing on but war. Timms his boss calls Smith about the ape, which is only doing what they trained it to.

We cut to a nearby church, where Jobe, the gardner, whistles at birds. The wounded ape approaches him and determines that he’s not a threat. Jobe hides the ape in his shed from the helicopters. Jobe introduces himself as the Lawnmower Man because he can fix things like lawn mowers. Jobe thinks the ape is Cyboman from a comic book. The priest spots them and calls Timms, who brings in the troops. Jobe is very not-smart and doesn’t really know what’s going on.

Despite Angelo’s screams, the soldiers shoot the ape repeatedly, killing it this time. They want to take Jobe in for questioning, but father McKeen says Jobe has the mind of a child. Jobe’s been a ward of the church since he was a kid, and Father McKeen has no problem using the belt on him. After his beating, Jobe gets to work repairing his special new mower, Big Red.

Father McKeen’s brother, Terry, runs the landscaping business that employs Jobe.

Angelo wants to quit, but Timms warns him that might not be a healthy thing to do. He wants to evolve the human mind and believes that VR is the way to do that. The director of the company wants Angelo returned to work.

Angelo, in the meantime, does VR stuff at home. His wife does not approve of his “hobby” and they argue. After, Angelo notices Jobe outside cutting the lawn and thinks he’s probably smarter than a chimp, so why not use him?

Angelo hooks Jobe up to the computer and shows him how to make it work. The game is a little intense for Jobe, but Peter, the boy next door, says he’ll get used to them. Angelo says he has a game that might be able to make Jobe smarter, and Jobe’s willing to try.

Angelo gives Jobe a shot or experimental chemicals, and then the psychedelic game begins. Meanwhile, Angelo is modifying Jobe’s brain by stimulating certain areas.

Fairly quickly, Jobe starts to change. He notices the sexy neighbor lady, and he’s never done that before. He gets smarter and smarter, but he also occasionally has seizures. Jobe realizes that Father McKeen isn’t such a nice guy after all. Soon, Jobe is beating Peter at all the games. Angelo reports everything to Timms, who says he’ll hold off letting the big boss know about what’s going on.

Jobe stands up for himself against the evil priest. He buys some new clothes and gets a haircut, and now the neighbor lady notices him. She wants her lawn mowed now.

Angelo can’t work from home anymore, so he starts taking Jobe to his big lab in the secret base on the mountain. The VR machines there are far more elaborate, and Jobe can’t wait. Angelo turns the juice way up, and soon, Jobe can read minds, like the neighbor lady, Marnie, which leads to sex.

Angelo realizes that Jobe’s smart, but not educated, so he uses VR to teach him pretty much everything in one afternoon. Angelo says no one can learn that quickly, but it’s true. Jobe admits that he can read minds now, and he doesn’t like it. Jobe’s abilities keep growing, even without the treatments.

The company Director wants Timms to switch out the drug for the one that they used on the ape– to make him a warrior. Timms doesn’t tell Angelo, he just switches bottles.

The next day, Jobe has an unexpected seizure, but Angelo doesn’t figure out why. Jobe can now move things with his mind.

Jobe takes his new girlfriend, Marnie, to the VR lab and wires her up. Things get carried away, and she winds up brain damaged. Angelo says Jobe is moving too fast, it’s unnatural. Jobe knows he’s smarter than Angelo now, and he’s not willing to stop the treatments.

Timms and Angelo fly out to see the Director, who spills the beans about the military drugs, which Angelo says is going to lead to unpredictable results. They want Jobe to meet the Director. Meanwhile, back at the lab, Jobe takes all the drugs and upgrades himself.

Jobe pays Father McKeen a visit and sets him on fire using telekinesis. Jake, the town jerk, also gets his due; Jobe uses his mind powers to put the Lawnmower Man in Jake’s head. Peter’s abusive father is next on the list; Big Red the lawnmower eats him.

Angelo returns home from the meeting the next day and finds the neighborhood in a bit of a mess. Angelo’s wife is now completely on Jobe’s side and pretty vacuous; she’s been changed into someone resembling a Stepford Wife. Angelo knows exactly what happened.

Jobe raves that he’s become one with the virtual world and wants to fix the whole planet. He plans to merge with all technology and make all the phones ring as a signal when it happens. Angelo thinks Jobe has had a psychotic break, but there’s nothing he can do.

Jobe mentally calls Terry for a ride to VSL, where an army of security guys wait for him. Jobe unleashes a swarm of digital bees to take care of them. The security chief shoots and kills Terry, which really gets Jobe in a mood.

Angelo shows up at VSL, and he’s got bombs, a gun, and apparently thinks he’s James Bond now. He plants bombs all over the place. Meanwhile, Jobe’s body shrivels as he enters the computer world permanently. Except he didn’t know that Timms and company already cut the computer off from the outside world. Unless he can find a way out, Jobe is going to be trapped in there and die for real when the bombs go off. And he lost his telekinesis over the real world now.

As Angelo and Jobe battle inside the computer, Peter sneaks inside and is at risk of dying from the bombs. Jobe releases Angelo to save Peter, but he’s still trapped inside the mainframe. As the bombs start going off, Jobe works furiously at the combination to escape. He gets out just in time.

Angelo vows to keep working on the VR project. He, Peter, and Peter’s mom leave town just as every phone in the world rings at the same time…

Brian’s Commentary

I assume Angelo’s going to be facing severe legal issues after destroying the whole VSL company.

I remember the effects being pretty good back in 1992, but they’re laughably dated today. I also didn’t remember it being this long, but then we were watching the extended director’s cut, which I probably hadn’t seen before.

It’s been 34 years, and VR still isn’t really a thing. It’s a pretty good story, but it may be the single worst adaptation of a book ever, having nothing in common with the Stephen King story other than the name.

Kevin’s Commentary

It has very little to do with the Stephen King short story by the same name. New Line Cinema obtained the rights to the story, and they had a script ready to go called “Cyber God.” They slapped Stephen King’s name and title on the script and made it happen. Much to Stephen King’s displeasure who sued and ended up with quite a bit of money from it.

It’s also said in the trivia that a team of 7 people spend 8 months and $500,000.00 on 8 minutes of cyberspace effects in the movie. And they don’t hold up well. I thought the movie overall does hold up. It’s dated, but entertaining.

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2026 They Will Kill You

• Director: Kirill Sokolov

• Writers: Kirill Sokolov, Alex J. Litvak, Dan Berk, Robert Olsen

• Stars: Zazie Beetz, Patricia Arquette, Myha’la

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A woman hires on as a maid in a luxury high-rise in New York and quickly finds out that everything there is not normal. And things get wilder from there. This is a good one to go into as blind as you can if possible. There is much unexpected. It’s well put together, heavy on practical effects and sets, with a strong cast and Zazie Beetz excellent in the lead.

Spoilery Synopsis

Two sisters are on the run from an abusive father, and hide in a convenience store, but they soon get caught. Asia shoots her father in the parking lot just as the police arrive. Asia runs off, but Maria is caught.

Ten years later, Asia comes to Lily Woodhouse under a different name; she’s the new maid. It’s a very high-security building. Asia meets Sharon and the other residents. There are a lot of maids in this place as well as Ray, Lily’s weird husband. Credits roll.

Right away, Asia notices something weird in the vents. And in the hallway. We see that her room isn’t as secure as she thinks it is, as a pig-man sneaks in and licks her toes as she sleeps. He knocks out Asia and lets in the others, the residents, all wearing pig masks. The cultists, or whatever they are, aren’t very good at this, and Asia came heavily armed. She decapitates one of them, shoots another, and uses various ninja skills to take out the rest. Lily walks up and says that was pretty impressive. More credits roll.

Asia tells Lily about abandoning her sister, who went home with her father, who survived. Asia spent time in prison and learned to fight there. She hired a PI to find her sister, who went missing in this very hotel.

Lily says she also has an unusual family with unusual needs. All the dead cultists then get back up and collect their missing body parts– even the headless guy. Soon, Asia’s on the run from everyone yet again. The baddies need her alive for some reason, and the hotel has quite a maze of (well-lit) secret tunnels.

Ray’s down in the tunnels as well, and he helps Asia hide. He explains about the Virgil Hotel, a temple to Satan. Their ancestors made a deal: immortality for human sacrifices. Literally nothing can kill these guys as long as a single piece of them remains. The only way they can die is if their names are removed from the devil’s list. As they crawl through the tunnels, Sharon’s eyeball follows them.

Ray takes Asia to Maria, her now-grown sister. Maria explains that she got a job at the Virgil and went through all the ordeals but then was invited to join them instead of being a sacrifice. Yeah, she’s on the list now, and she doesn’t want to leave.

There’s a lot more running and fighting as Asia tries to find a way out of the building, but the cultists have a huge number of followers who are all in on it.

Lily and the others finally corner Asia and tell her what Marie did to earn her place here– nothing yet. Asia (or Isobel, the woman she replaced) was supposed to be the sacrifice she needed to survive.

The whole group goes downstairs to see Satan, who looks like a talking pig head on a stick. The pig erases Ray’s name from the list, which is written on his head. He tells Lily to kill Ray, which she does. He then tells Maria to write her name on his head and then kill Asia.

Marie writes a name and then kills herself; the name she wrote was Asia’s, who is now immortal. Her wounds now heal instantly. Time for more fighting, but amped up a notch!

During the battle, the pig head climbs on top of Lily and uses her body as his own. The battle is crazy, but Asia ends up removing all the names from the pig’s head, killing all the main baddies permanently and turning all the other residents of the hotel mortal again.

Asia takes her sister’s body and goes outside, where the P.I. is waiting with a car. Asia, it turns out, had written Marie’s name on the pig skin before killing it; Marie revives. The P.I. is very confused.

Brian’s Commentary

This is hilarious; the fight scenes and choreography alone are worth the watch. The fights are so incredibly over the top as to make the whole film.

This was a lot of fun, easily my favorite of the week.

Kevin’s Commentary

I went into this blind, and I was quite surprised by the surprises. I’m glad I hadn’t heard anything about this ahead of time. There were elements that reminded us of “Ready or Not” and the sequel, which we’ve reviewed as well.

The violence is so over the top it crosses over into humor. I thought it was great.

2026 We’re Not Safe Here

• Directed by: Solomon Gray

• Written by: Solomon Gray

• Stars: Hayley McFarland, Sharmita Bhattacharya, Margaret Wuertz

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 33 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two women get together late at night, and one of them tells scary stories. After far too long a period of talk and minor jump scares, things get a little real - maybe. The acting and all the technical aspects are good. But we both thought it was pretty drawn out and dull.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see shots of someone with a bloody pillowcase over their head as credits roll.

Sarah and Neeta talk about Neeta’s artist block. Later, Rachel calls and wants to come over. Rachel sees several men in bloody pillowcases banging on her car. “We’re all around you,” one says.

Rachel arrives and admires Neeta’s many paintings. She explains about her “dreams” that keep her up at night. This has been going on since she was little.

Rachel tells about her childhood friend, Lily, who told her a story about a little girl fifty years ago, who put a pillowcase over her mother’s head and killed her. The girl claimed her friend in the closet made her do it. Lily also said her dead grandma told her the story. Lily then rode her bicycle to the house where the little girl did the killing.

Rachel stops the story, thinking she’s hearing someone else in the house. There’s no one there.

Anyway, back to Rachel’s childhood story. Lily walked into the abandoned house, and Rachel went with her. They found a photograph of themselves, except Lily had a pillowcase over her head.

Rachel goes to the bathroom and sees someone with a pillowcase inside. This one removes the covering, and the woman inside is a real mess.

Rachel comes out and continues her apparently neverending story. She and Lily opened the closet in the abandoned house, and they saw something. They rode back home in a hurry, but that night, Lily and her mother just vanished, never to be seen again.

Rachel still thinks she hears something inside the house. She pulls out her diary, where she’s been making notes about the weird stuff she’s seen.

Neeta interrupts to tell her nightmare story about a siren. Rachel ignores that and continues with her story. She grew up, and the weirdness all went away– until it came back. Upset, both women turn in for the night, but Neeta takes a weapon with her just in case Rachel’s as crazy as she seems.

Nope– Rachel comes into Neeta’s bedroom and goes on with the interminable tale. She talks about how the visions eventually returned, and why she needed to tell the story.

Neeta hears the siren from her own story as someone else appears in the room. Neeta screams and freaks out but then realizes she’s alone in the silent room and Rachel’s asleep in her own room.

Neeta sneaks out and goes to the address from Rachel’s diary. Rachel, in the meantime, wakes up and deals with her own nightmares. Across town, Neeta explores the empty old house from Rachel’s diary and story. She finds a closet with a photo of her and Rachel. She gets scared and runs back to her car.

In the morning, Neeta wakes up tied to a chair and hears voices. “Fear is the path to grace. That’s what led you to us,” says an old woman, who puts a pillowcase over Neeta’s head. Nope– just a dream, maybe.

Neeta goes home, and Rachel knows what she’s done. Neeta now sees the pillowcase-head people outside. Neeta looks again at the photo she found, and it’s different now. It’s Neeta’s demon now, and Rachel is free.

Ten months later, Neeta goes to Sarah’s house and wants to tell her a story…

Brian’s Commentary

Rachel’s story about Lily takes most of the film’s run time. It’s like listening to someone telling a ghost story around the campfire. This is pretty cool in theory, but it goes on for far too long. It’s like a “creepypasta” stretched out for an hour and a half.

The set is very interesting, and the acting is fine, but it just takes way too long for anything to actually happen. Something beyond just jump scares between the quiet bits.

I thought it was pretty dull, but it might be good to watch in a dark room all by yourself some night.

Kevin’s Commentary

I turned on my iPad during viewing and a game being played on there was much more entertaining than this movie. Most of the strangeness just seemed like mental illness, distorted memories, stress, fatigue, and nightmares - which can be a sort of horror in itself. Things did get real and sort of explained at the very end, but by then I didn’t care much anymore.

It’s well made, and the acting is good, but it didn’t hold my interest.

2026 Touch Me

• Directed by: Addison Heimann

• Written by: Addison Heimann

• Stars: Olivia Taylor Dudley, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jordan Gavaris

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two best friends find their friendship put to the test when they both fall for an alien lover. It’s very funny, very weird, and beautifully filmed with an excellent script. Plus there are plenty of horror elements. The trailer doesn’t do it justice, and we were both pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Joey cleans her ear with a Q-Tip, and it comes out bloody. We then cut to her in therapy where she tells a story about meeting an alien in a bar last night. He had a whole story about seeds and saving the Earth from climate change. He touched her with his tentacle as well and then they had sex under glowing trees. There were many tentacles. It’s quite a long and convoluted story. Credits roll.

Joey then goes home to Craig, her gay bestie who lets her live with him. She sees Brian, the alien, in the coffee shop the next day, and he says he misses her. Or is she imagining him?

Due to a bathroom disaster, Joey has to get a job. She tries at the local convenience store. They whine about their financial situation and consider themselves “trash pandas.” Craig accidentally watches Joey’s alien sex tape.

Brian invites Joey and Craig to his house for the weekend. Yeah, he’s an alien, but he was good at sex, so she wants to go back. It’s quite a house. They meet Brian and Laura, the housekeeper. Brian admits again that he’s an alien and demonstrates to Craig. He explains that he’s allergic to sugar-free lemonade powder. He’s also really into shirtless dancing.

Brian shows them his chrysalis. It requires a sad story and a blood sacrifice. They tell their stories and crystal begins to glow and then knocks them all out.

Laura doesn’t like Joey and makes that very clear. Everyone has a story, and Brian tells his. Afterward, he and Joey have sex again, and this time, we see the tentacles. Very shortly afterward, He does the same with Craig. Laura watches the whole thing on a remote screen while touching herself..

In the morning, both Joey and Craig feel really good. They split up for more “therapy.” Joey tells the crystal about being sexually assaulted as a teenager.

We get a flashback to three days ago, where Noah texts Brian and hooks up. Noah drives to Brian’s house and is quickly taken prisoner and locked in a cage. Back in the present, Noah’s head explodes and makes a real mess. Brian says to Laura that he thought Noah might be “compatible.” Joey sees all this on the security cameras.

Laura is jealous that Brian won’t use his lubricated appendages on her, but Brian refuses.

Joey tells Craig what Brian has been doing to Noah, but even so, neither of them really wants to leave. They know Brian’s been murdering people, but the sex is soooo good.

Everyone stays, and dinner is awkward. Joey turns against Craig, who soon winds up in a cell. When Brian admits he wants to eat Craig, Joey is fine with that.

Laura knocks out Joey and tells her that Brian has already eaten Craig’s left hand. Brian knows all about Laura, but he has a plan to deal with her. Laura then stabs Brian in the back with lemonade powder, and his outer form melts. Laura finally gets what she wants, more or less. Brian recovers, but Laura doesn’t.

Brian thinks Joey was involved with Laura and puts her in a cell as well, right next to Craig, who is no longer as supportive as he once was.

That night, Brian eats Joey’s hand, but then it turns out to not really be Brian, but one of his glowing trees.

The three sit around the magic crystal for another round of admitting how terrible they all are. This goes badly for Brian, as Joey and Craig have this all planned out.

Craig’s got something growing inside him, and he asks Joey to cut it out– which she does. And kills Brian’s offspring. Brian shows up in his full tentacled form and clears the air for his two prisoners. Until they douse him with lemonade powder and he explodes.

Craig’s got a big hole in his stomach, falls down, and dies.

We cut to Joey, back in therapy, telling the story. The therapist has many questions. She remembers that Brian’s alien trees spit out clones. And ends with her saying “Kill” while interacting with her Duolingo app.

Brian’s Commentary

Are YOU ready for some cross-species intercourse?

There are numerous monologues and long stories told, which sounds like it ought to be boring, but it’s not. The cinematography is very interesting, with lots of cool shots and effects.

I liked this one. It’s got a good mix of humor, grossness, and weird ideas. It’s a winner!

Kevin’s Commentary

I wasn’t expecting to like this as much as I did. I thoroughly enjoyed it and chuckled many times. It’s weird and keeps your attention throughout. The script, effects, and cinematography are all excellent. I’d call it a winner.

2026 The Yeti

• Directed by: Gene Gallerano, William Pisciotta

• Written by: Gene Gallerano, William Pisciotta

• Stars: Brittany Allen, Eric Nelsen, Jim Cummings, William Sadler, Corbin Bernsen

• Run Time: 93 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a group vanishes in the wilds of 1947 Alaska, a rescue party of eclectic and eccentric characters is sent on a rescue mission. The reason they disappeared, as you might guess from the title and poster, is a Yeti on the rampage. It has the look of studio work on sets and a lack of cold temperatures, but the effects are good with a strong cast. Still, things didn’t really come together. It felt like a missed opportunity that should have been better than it was.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s 1947 in the Alaskan Territory. An old man has something in a cage. Other men play cards until they hear roaring outside. “Did you feed it today?” One guy climbs up to fix the hole in the roof, and something big pulls him up and pulls him apart. Credits roll.

We then get a newsreel introducing us to the “experts” who are going to find out what happened to the oil exploration crew. Elaine Bannister gives a lecture on cartography, but all anyone cares about is her famous father. Belle Parker comes to visit her to join the rescue team, and they want Ellie to lead the search.

Within a few days in Alaska, some of the crew are already ready to leave. They can’t even make camp, so they decide to blow up the ground itself. That night, they talk about monsters, which keep people from going where they don’t belong. Dynamite Dan brags about blowing stuff up before going out to pee; that goes badly for him.

Ellie sees the creature, and soon, everyone knows about Dan’s death. They all decide to keep on moving to find their missing fathers. Parker soon goes missing, and everyone splits up to search. Margaret finds a huge footprint in the snow. She and Coates see the monster clawing on Parker in the fog. Coates mercy-kills Parker as Margaret watches.

Ellie and her group find the cabin we saw in the opening credits, blood and all. Margaret is in there hiding from the creature. Coates comes in and describes the monster. Margaret, the animal expert, explains what the creature is; an ancient, not-extinct great ape.

Then they hear the roaring outside. It reaches in through the window and disembowels Coates right in front of Ellie. They also find some of the original crew, dead in their bunks. Booker reports that the radio is down, so they can’t call for help. Booker then gives Ellie a much-needed pep talk.

Booker climbs the radio tower with Ellie’s help, and that goes badly– the yeti rips his arm off. She runs off and finds a cabin with a cage in it. Inside the cage is Mr. Sunday, the man they expedition came out here to find. She also finds big drums of morphine.

Ellie finds the records of the expedition; the men weren’t up here for oil, they wanted the creature. Turns out, Ellie’s father, Hollis, was the one who locked Sunday in the cage after being lied to about why they came up here. They found a baby yeti, and Hollis stole it and turned against Sunday.

Old man Sunday and Sunday Jr. don’t see eye to eye about all this. They pour the morphine all over Ellie’s unconscious body and use her for bait inside the cage. Margaret’s outside the cage as a second lure.

Ellie wakes up and comes face to face with the monster. The morphine takes effect and knocks out the yeti, which Sunday Jr reluctantly runs to tie up. By the time he gets to the cage, the thing is empty. Ellie sneaks up behind Junior and strangles him, but the old man gets the best of Ellie.

Ellie’s father, Hollis, comes out of the woods to negotiate with Sunday Sr. The negotiations are short.

Ellie wakes up in the cabin, and Hollis is there as well. He’s been raising the baby yeti and protecting the adults from Sunday. He takes the baby and runs off into the woods to lure the female away from Ellie.

Meanwhile, outside, Sunday Jr wakes up after being strangled, not as dead as everyone thought. He sits down and freezes to death next to his father.

Ellie pulls out her compass, grabs a rowboat, and heads home.

Brian’s Commentary

The characters are obviously all old pulp-novel hero types, each very distinctive in style and personalities. It’s all very surreal and over-the-top in the way it’s filmed. The sets are all pretty weak; it never felt like the actual, cold Alaska to me, and no one’s breath even fogged.

I liked the style and basic idea, but it was all too clean and polished, the editing left a lot to be desired. I think this one may have been a little more low-budget than it really should have been.

Good idea; flawed execution.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought the pacing was kind of odd and clunky in this one. They were trying to make it stylized and retro, but I don’t feel like they quite pulled it off.

As Brian pointed out, it looks like it’s on sets with fake plants, fake fog, fake snow, and no indication they are actually in cold temperatures. I couldn’t stop noticing that.

This one didn’t quite work for me. I wasn’t bored, but I was only moderately entertained

2007 The Hills Have Eyes 2

• Directed by: Martin Weisz

• Written by: Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven

• Stars: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Jacob Vargas, and Flex Alexander

• Run Time: 97 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Set not long after the first movie released the year before and in the same desert area, a group of National Guard troops find out that the hills still have eyes. This is a remake of 1984’s “The Hills Have Eyes Part 2” and we both thought this one is miles more entertaining. It’s heavy on action, with a high body count and lots of painful looking injuries and death. We give it a thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a woman being tortured as the credits roll. It looks like she’s been there a long time, and now she’s giving birth. Her “midwife” leaves a lot to be desired, and the baby doesn’t look so great either. She’s killed as soon as the baby shows up.

We’re told that after half the family in the first film escaped, the military started monitoring the area. Almost immediately, the feed shows more people there than there should be, and then it goes dead. At the army base, people start going missing all at once. Dr. Foster runs into a couple of mutants and dies quickly. Colonel Redding knows what’s really going on, but that doesn’t save him.

We cut to a bunch of soldiers under fire in the Middle East. Turns out, it’s just a drill, and they aren’t doing well. The whole squad ships out to Sector 16, where the old-time atomic testing took place. On the truck, we get to know the soldiers a bit.

The group soon arrives at the top-secret base, but wonder where all the people there have gone. They see something shiny up in the hills and go to look, leaving Napoleon behind to guard the latrine and Amber to work the radio.

Napoleon finds a man in the porta-potty tank, and he’s not happy about it. Someone gave him shallow cuts all over so he’d die slowly of infection. He dies before he can give them much of a warning about what happened. They don’t see a thing until the company truck explodes and their weapons are stolen.

Amber runs up toward the rest of the troops, while Napoleon stays with the radio. Amber is grabbed by a mutant and is rescued by Mickey, who was on his way back down the hill. Someone in a hole grabs Mickey’s leg and pulls him in.

Sarge and the soldiers find what’s left of Dr. Foster. The mutants make an appearance, and one of the soldiers accidentally shoots Sarge. Now they all know they’re being stalked, but they aren’t sure what to do about it.

Someone steals their ropes, and now they can’t get down off the mountain. They have to look for another way, but run into many dead ends. They find Colonel Redding, who’s badly hurt but explains about mutants living in the mines here. He then shoots himself rather than be captured by the mutants.

Missy and Amber know what’ll happen to them if they’re captured, and they want to go home now. Turns out, they’re the bait that managed to lure in one of the muties who promptly get shot by the soldiers. Even then, Missy gets grabbed and hauled off.

The group goes into the mines looking for Missy, and it soon becomes impossible to go back the way they came. Amber and Napoleon fall down a chute and get separated from the others.

Missy, still alive, experiences Papa Hades, and she’s also not happy about it. Delmar, Crank, Napoleon, and Amber get reunited and meet one of the mutants who has offered to help them.

The three remaining soldiers argue about what to do next and then Crank accidentally blows himself up. The other two find Missy and untie her. Papa Hades smashes the door in and attacks everyone, and Amber finds that she has only one bullet left, but she knows how to use it. They all still have to work together to finish him off.

Still, they aren’t alone and have no way out…

Brian’s Commentary

This was far, far better than the original “Hills 2” which was one of the lamest sequels ever made. I don’t think the real National Guard trains that hard; these guys started out like Marines in combat, but I could be wrong. They’re also really good at making really bad choices at every turn.

It’s a little formulaic, but it’s well done for what it is.

Kevin’s Commentary

It moves fast, and it’s one damn thing after another for these folks getting picked off and fighting back. It’s not a perfect film, but it’s sooo much better than the original Part 2 from 1984. Such a different reboot that it’s pretty much a different movie entirely. I was entertained.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 The Bride!

• Directed by: Maggie Gyllenhaal

• Written by: Maggie Gyllenhaal

• Stars: Jessie Buckley, Christian Bale, Peter Sarsgaard, Annette Bening, Jake Gyllenhaal, Penélope Cruz

• Run Time: 126 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In the 1930s, the Creature asks Dr. Euphronious to make him a Bride. It works, but they don’t realize she’s a murdered woman which causes complications when elements from her past life cross over. Plus, she’s a radical and feminist getting things fired up. It’s sort of Bonnie and Clyde meets horror meets weird romance. There’s a lot of humor and strangeness, and it’s entertaining, after a few minutes at the beginning, which was a questionable start. We both liked it much more than we disliked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Mary Shelley comes onscreen and tells us that she didn’t write what she really wanted to; that was too much for the time. Now, she’s in Purgatory or something and wants to get the story out of her head.

The story begins with Ida, who is bored at a party. She seems to be possessed by Mary Shelly, who is using her to tell the story. She makes a major scene at the restaurant and gets thrown out. She then falls down the stairs and dies. Credits roll.

In Chicago, Frank, aka Frankenstein’s Creature, comes to see Dr. Euphronious, who knows who he is. She examines him and is thrilled. He doesn’t want any kind of treatment at the institute, he’s here for “an intercourse.” Yes, he wants her to “reinvigorate” him a bride. He’s become very impatient over the many years since he was created.

“I thought you were a mad scientist,” he says, which wins her over. Soon, they’re out digging up graves. Frank thinks the body they picked is too beautiful, but they can’t dig up more, so they go ahead. They throw the switch, sparks fly, and all the meters go off the scale.

The Bride sits up and thinks she had too much absinthe last night; she’s weird. They explain that she’s to marry Frank, but surprisingly, the bride doesn’t remember him at all.

Suddenly, Mary Shelley butts in and talks to the bride in her mind. Not long after, the bride and Frank break out of the lab, go to a movie and the red light district. She knows all the dance moves, but Frank’s not a dancer– but he does have an imagination. She dances most of the night, but eventually, her dance partners get carried away and Frank has to step in, violently.

Soon, the pair are on the run from the gangsters about the two men Frank just killed. He says he’s been through all this before, and there’s gonna be a mob. He doesn’t want the bride mixed up in all this, but she’s got nowhere else to go.

A couple of detectives, Wiles and Malloy, start investigating the murder, whose suspect looks like Frankenstein’s monster. Soon, “Frankenstein and his bride” are the headlines in the newspaper.

She wants the two of them to have sex, but he’s missing an important piece of the necessary equipment. They arrive in New York City, hoping to see Frank’s favorite movie star, Ronnie Reed. They’re quickly recognized as “The Killer Monsters,” and start a riot, complete with angry villagers and torches.

Frank and his bride crash a party, grab some food, and manage to spot Ronnie Reed, who is one of the guests. They have a conversation that’s very confusing for poor Ronnie. This soon turns into a dance number with “Puttin on the Ritz.”

The detectives storm in, and Wiles recognizes the bride. The bride recognizes Wiles. She grabs a gun and takes Ronnie as a hostage. She uses the opportunity to tell the police that the mob boss is paying off cops and killing women. She shoots a cop, and they escape.

They go on the run, and he gets her name tattooed on his chest. They have sex (I guess) repeatedly. Women all over the country start painting their faces like the bride’s face-marks. “Brain attack” is their new battlecry, causing mayhem everywhere as women revolt.

Lupino, the mob boss, recognizes the bride as Ida, a woman he had killed. Her killers swear they did the job, but he obviously knows they didn’t.

Detective Molloy realizes that the criminal pair has only been to places where Ronnie’s films took place. She wants credit if they solve this case, but he makes it clear that that’s not going to happen. She knows something is off about Wiles.

Frank makes up a whole story about his and the bride’s engagement. They get pulled over by an abusive cop, and Mary Shelley tells the bride to take care of him. She bites his tongue out but gets shot in the process, a minor wound.

Detective Wiles catches up to the monsters and calls the bride “Ida.” He says he got her into all this. Frank approaches him, and Moloy shoots him. Ida/The Bride then shoots Wiles in the foot and they run off. Wiles explains his connection to Ida to Molloy, but the hitman overhears the whole story. He’s a crooked cop, but he’s not all bad. He resigns and gives Molloy his badge.

Frank feels bad about lying to Ida about her past, and he also comes clean about their history. Molloy loiters outside the car and overhears his story. “I am a monster.” “Yeah, so am I.” They profess their love for each other, and he proposes to her. She refuses, which he finds hilarious. Then the police show up and kill Frank. The bride throws him in the car, and they have a high-speed chase with the cops.

The Bride and Mary talk about her identity. She drives them back to Dr. Euphonius, to patch Frank up. Both Molloy and the hitman follow them to the lab. There’s an over-the-top firefight, and the bride is shot umpteen times. She falls onto Frank’s corpse and dies.

Molloy takes charge, clears the cops out, and tells the doctor to take as much time as she needs to clean things up. Dr. Euphronius gets back to work; she can fix them.

Brian’s Commentary

For the first ten minutes, I was already mostly expecting this to be the first of over two thousand-plus movies that we didn’t finish. It did pick up fairly quickly though, and we did finish it.

It’s a remake of “Bride of Frankenstein” (1935), obviously. Mary Shelley makes an appearance in that film as a narrator, but that’s totally unnecessary and distracting here.

“Puttin on the Ritz” may have been a little too on-the-point, as I saw it coming an hour before it happened. Overall, though, the soundtrack is very good here.

It looks great, it’s very stylish, and it doesn’t get boring. It seems to go “weird for the sake of weird” several times, which you may or may not appreciate. There are some good laugh-out-loud parts, but it’s not a comedy. Christian Bale, as Frank, is outstanding here, but I did not care for Jessie Buckley’s The Bride, at all. I warmed up to her a bit before the end, but I think they could have done better with casting.

Overall, I’d say it was quite good, but I had some issues.

Kevin’s Commentary

After a start that had me grimacing in displeasure, it gets past that and into a really entertaining movie. It took a while, but I warmed up to Jessie Buckley at The Bride.

It’s not a perfect movie, but I liked it quite a bit.

2026 Souls Chapel

• Directed by: Jake C. Young

• Written by: Jake C. Young

• Stars: Brian Bremer, Jake C. Young, Adrianna Curtsinger

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 23 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A young drifter seeking treasure encounters demonic forces and a church that isn’t too holy. It’s set in a post-war-apocalyptic time, retro and modern at the same time, with a steampunk vibe. We both thought it was very well put together, but it was on the slow side and could have used more action. It’s a moderate thumbs-up from both of us.

Spoilery Synopsis

We are told about the origin of evil. We then cut to a man chopping up a body and doing some kind of ritual with it. He then hides a box in the woods and kills himself. Credits roll.

The Drifter tells us that time passes differently now that the world has moved on as he walks through a ghost town. He runs into a priest dressed in red with a gas mask who explains about the talisman he just picked up. Apparently, people did some really bad things back in the day. The weird priest gives the drifter a mission.

The drifter then goes to a weird church where he’s offered coffee. The priest, Red, is insistent about the coffee. Red introduces Sister Agatha. There’s a “Soul Storm” coming, and Jim mentions he hasn’t seen anyone on the road to town.

The drifter shows Red a drawing of the thing he’s looking for. Jim says he just wants the treasure. Soon, there’s a fight with their steampunk guns, and the drifter is knocked out. Red gives the drifter 24 hours to confess his crimes against humanity.

The drifter, chained up, has a vision of the woman in white, probably some kind of witch. Agatha tries to ingratiate herself with the drifter to get more information out of him. The talisman led them all to this place. Red used to have the mark of the talisman on his hand, but now the drifter has it.

Red gets a vision and finds the treasure chest. There’s gold and a newspaper article about seven strangers who showed up in this city. Meanwhile, the drifter talks to Father Moore, another prisoner in the town jail. He says they’re safer in jail than outside because night is coming. Jim comes in and talks about getting captured by the Skeezers during the war.

We cut to the white witch, who does a ritual and conjures up a monster. The monster then quickly kills the schoolboy.

Agatha and Red then torture the drifter to find out who killed the schoolboy. Jim talks to himself in a mirror and decides to turn against the others.

The drifter escapes his chains and explores. He finds a room full of heads in jars. He also finds newspaper accounts of the former priest here sacrificing seven people.

The drifter confronts Agatha and Red, and Agatha kills Red. She wakes up Jim and splits the gold with him. No– they forgot about the monster, who kills them both. Meanwhile, the drifter finds the talisman he’s been looking for. The dead rise.

The drifter, with his talisman, runs into the white witch, with hers. He banishes her. The red priest shows up again and takes the talisman. At least he’s got a bag of gold now. The drifter laughs and moves on…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s got the moody, atmospheric post-apocalyptic, sorta-steampunk landscape done well. The sound, costumes, and lighting are well done, better than most indie films of this budget. The pacing, on the other hand, is really slow and could have used more action.

Kevin’s Commentary

“Smells like pigs liver and sacrifice.” That’s very specific.

I liked the retro look with the steampunk vibe. It’s well put together, I thought, and interesting. Jake C. Young, doing triple duty as writer, director, and main character, did a good job. My only real complaint is how slow-moving and low-action it is. But I liked it much more than I disliked it.

2026 Ready or Not 2: Here I Come

• Directed by: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

• Written by: Guy Busick and R. Christopher Murphy

• Stars: Samara Weaving, Kathryn Newton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Shawn Hatosy, David Cronenberg, and Elijah Wood

• Run Time: 1h 45m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

But wait, the game isn’t over. Picking up immediately where the first “Ready or Not” movie ended, Grace and her sister (a new character) find themselves forced into the next level. The rules are clearly explained, new players enter the contest, and there’s a new site for the hunting fun. It probably wasn’t a necessary sequel, but it was really fun. And Kevin enjoyed it at least as much as the first film.

Spoilery Synopsis

Immediately after the events of the first film, Grace sits down as the house burns and explodes behind her. The EMTs load her onto the ambulance as credits roll. As they shock her chest, we get flashbacks to the previous movie.

Grace wakes up in the hospital, cuffed to the bed; she’s suspected in several murders. Faith comes in; she’s Grace’s estranged sister. Faith says Grace is a negative person. Grace eventually explains her game of “Hide and Seek” that involved devil sacrifices.

Meanwhile, old man Chester Danforth creates the news. Mr. Le Bail’s lawyer shows up with news about the now-dead family. Danforth decides to summon his children, since the game is not over. We see various characters getting their notifications. “This is our chance!” Chester tells his twin kids Ursula and Titus that the ball is still in play and they need to win to keep their power and success. The game starts with them murdering their father, Chester.

On the way out of the hospital, the detective in charge is killed by Bill Wilkinson, one of the early arrivals. As Bill closes in to kill Grace, he explodes like a water balloon of blood. The lawyer comes in, and he knows all about the devil and his rules - Bill died because he tried to start early.

Usulla and Titus head out to their “lodge” and welcome all the freaky relatives. The lawyer flies in with the two sisters, tied up and ready for the game to begin. Mr. Le Bail’s lawyer enters, and everyone pays attention. He explains the situation, the reward, and the rules. The stakes are higher this time. All she has to do is survive until dawn as the rest of the families try to kill her. Whichever family does kill her will wear the ring, and basically have so much power they control the world. There are five main hunters, but if they die, the next generation of relatives will have to join in.

The game begins. Faith and Grace wake up handcuffed to each other on the golf course. Ursula and Titus approach on a golf cart, Wan Chen Xing uses a drone to find the girls. Ignacio shoots a propane tank that almost kills Viraj.

The girls hide in the abandoned casino that’s on the property and talk about their history. Viraj makes it inside first, and he fights the girls, who have broken their handcuffs. He ends up cooked in an industrial washing machine. Mahdu, Viraj’s brother, is ordered into the field but chooses to send his own wife, Martina, instead.

Wan Chen Xing reveals herself and says there’s a loophole in the agreement that would take the power away from the Danforths. The only trick is that Grace will have to marry Wan Cheng Fu. She would be spared, and he would have the power. Wan says her son is dumb but kind and would be better for the world than the Danforths. Wan ends up accidentally stabbing Ignacio, and he’s not getting back up again. Rules broken, Wan Cheng explodes in a bloody mess; so does her son.

Titus and Ursula ambush the girls at the front date, just as Martina drives her car through the gate and escapes. This leads to more drama between the two sisters and the surviving players. Francesca shows up with a rocket launcher, but doesn’t know how to use it. Grace and Francesca both get splattered and blinded with pepper spray and have to fight blind. Meanwhile Faith faces off against Titus. It looks pretty bad for both of them.

Grace wins her fight, but Titus takes Faith as a hostage. Grace offers to marry Titus to save Faith and explains the loophole to him. The lawyer nods that this is true. Ursula doesn’t like this at all, since it eliminates her from the power position.

Suddenly, there’s about to be a wedding. Ursula comes to Grace and talks about how terrible her brother is. Titus comes in and kills Ursula, which doesn’t break the rules - they can kill their own family members, just not other families.

The wedding commences, attended by everyone we’ve seen so far and a crowd of cultists. The lawyer calls on Mr. Le Bail to witness. The wedding actually goes through and finishes. It’s all good until Grace stabs Titus with the sharp, pointy pen. It’s not against the rules to kill a family member, as Titus proved with Ursula.

Grace wins. She puts on the ring and takes over. She then immediately abdicates. Whoever’s wearing the ring at dawn, in three minutes, will be the new leader. She throws the ring down into the pit, and most everyone jumps in after it. Everyone fights to the death for the ring. Everyone in the family explodes.

Grace, Faith, and the sacrificial goat leave the estate.

Brian’s Commentary

This is a sequel to 2019’s “Ready or Not.” This one is full of familiar faces, much more so than the original. It did not, however, have the fun theme song this time around.

This was one of those sequels that didn’t really need to be made, but it was still fun.

Kevin’s Commentary

Grace can surely take a lot of punishment and damage in these movies. So can her sister. After getting beaten up and wounded as badly as they were, they walked off at the end just fine and dandy.

I went into this thinking we didn’t need a sequel and it was totally unnecessary. I changed my mind once it got going. I enjoyed it as much as the first one, if not more.

2025 Dolly

• Directed by: Rod Blackhurst

• Written by: Rod Blackhurst, Brandon Weavil

• Stars: Fabianne Therese, Seann William Scott, Ethan Suplee, Max the Impaler

• Run Time: 83 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a couple goes hiking, the young woman of the duo is abducted by a crazy masked killer who wants her to be her living doll baby. It was filmed in 16mm and has a 70s grainy look to it and a vibe of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” but is in the modern day with smartphones. The gore is visceral with realistic shots that will make you cringe. We both thought it was really good.

Spoilery Synopsis

As the credits roll, we see a house full of dolls and what appears to be a crazy woman tending to a corpse in a bed.

Chapter 1: Mother

A couple of parents drop off their daughter to the babysitter’s house so they can have a day alone where Chase can propose to Macy. Macy’s not sure about the whole thing since Chase has a daughter, Evy. As soon as they get to the woods for their hike, we cut to the crazy old woman, now dismembering that corpse. The old woman then holds a funeral for the dead person, with many dolls as witnesses.

Macy noticed that there are dolls nailed to the trees in the woods. They think that’s pretty weird. As they reach the overlook, they hear a weird music box playing in the woods, and Chase goes to check it out. He soon comes across the old woman, who wears a red dress suit and a doll-face mask– maybe it’s not an old woman, since “Dolly” picks up Chase and strangles him, cuts his leg off, and then does even worse things.

Chapter 2: Daughter

Macy gets tired of waiting and goes looking for Chase. She finds Dolly and the headless corpse before she finds Chase. She runs, falls, and is knocked out.

When she wakes up, Dolly is there, and Macy stabs Dolly with a tiny pocketknife. Dolly knocks her out again and takes her home to her place.

Chapter 3: Home

Macy wakes up in a tiny crib in a child’s room. She talks through the wall to a man she can’t see. He tells her to play along with the dolls. Dolly comes in and wants Macy to wear a diaper and suck on a pacifier.

Somehow, out in the woods, what’s left of Chase wakes up. He’s a real mess. He doesn’t get very far, but he’s still alive.

Dolly finally notices the pocketknife stuck in her side, pulls it out, and starts spurting blood. Macy uses the opportunity to try to escape. That doesn’t last long before Dolly decides it’s time for Macy’s feeding. Clearly, Dolly wants Macy as a baby doll. When Macy refuses to drink milk from a bottle, it all gets pretty weird.

Macy makes it down to the basement, where she finds a doll shrine, including the head of Dolly’s mother. Dolly finds Macy and rips her ear off. Dolly then sews it back on, which is even worse.

Chapter 4: Father

In the morning, Macy wakes up and steals a key from the sleeping Dolly. She opens the locked door where the man’s voice was coming from, and she soon finds him inside, all chained up. She unchains him and then very soon regrets it. They’re family. He grabs Macy, holds a piece of glass to her throat, and calls for Dolly. He needs Dolly to unlock the back door and let him out. As soon as Dolly unlocks the door, her father goes off on her with the shovel. Macy and Dolly work together to take care of him. He’s not gonna be getting back up again.

Macy hears Chase calling her name outside and jumps through a window.

Chapter 5: Reunion

Macy tells Chase that she found his ring and that she loves him, but they have to get away. Dolly shows up and makes Chase’s problems even worse. Macy and Dolly fight it out in the woods, and Dolly loses part of her mask.

Chapter 6: FIght

Macy hides in Dolly’s mother’s grave. She gets the shovel away from Dolly and makes good use of it, but stops beating too soon.

Chapter 7: Goodbye

The park ranger literally runs into Macy, “Are you OK?” “NO!”

He calls on the radio, “Guys, we got another one.” Dolly then comes out of the woods and kills him. Macy starts the ranger’s truck and runs over Dolly. She takes back her engagement ring, gets back in the truck, and drives away to freedom…

Brian’s Commentary

There are a couple of really cringey gore shots that were painful to watch.

After the opening scenes, there’s not much dialogue, which makes it all the more creepy.

It’s pretty intense, never slows down, and has lots of good bits to it. I liked this one!

Kevin’s Commentary

The 16mm grindhouse 70s vibe was an interesting mash-up with modern-day technology and smartphones. I also liked the division into chapters.

It kind of surprised me how quickly they killed Chase off. And then I was even more surprised that he wasn’t dead yet in the condition the psycho left him in.

I said “ouchie!” more than once with some of the painful-looking injuries that take place.

I thought it was really good.

2015 Muck

• Directed by: Steve Wolsh

• Written by: Steve Wolsh

• Stars: Kane Hodder, Lachlan Buchanan, Bryce Draper, Lauren Francesca, Stephanie Danielson

• Run Time: 1h 38m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The IMDB.com summary says “After narrowly escaping an ancient burial ground, a group of friends find themselves trapped between two evils, forcing them to fight, die, or go back the way they came.” The movie seems to start in the middle of a story, and we don’t really know what happened before. There’s much bad acting, strange choices made, random seeming editing, young women scantily dressed, and not a lot of story that’s explained or makes sense. Both of us agree this was phenomenally bad.

Spoilery Synopsis

A woman runs through the swamp, screaming for help. Her three friends soon catch up, but Billy’s been injured. They’re all freaked out, as some of their friends are dead. There’s an inordinate amount of screaming and arguing before they head toward the house they see. Credits roll as another girl is left out in the swamp alone.

The group breaks into the house and quickly settles in to warm up. Billy explains that they’re in a horror movie and how they’re all going to die. He predicts that Kylie is going to be the final girl since she’s wearing the most clothes. Noah decides to go for help, since the house doesn’t have a phone.

The group settles in. Desiree goes upstairs for a shower, and Kylie goes into the basement looking for a first-aid kit.

Noah makes it to town and stops in at the bar– it’s St. Patrick’s Day and everything is green. He goes to the restroom and washes up, then gets distracted by the women in the ladies’ room. He orders a couple of drinks for himself and the ladies, seemingly forgetting to call the police or any help for his friends.

Desiree takes her long, slow shower and then comes out just to get chopped up by a man with an axe.

Noah finally calls his friend Troit, telling him he’s in the town of West Craven. Troit and his hate-girlfriend Chandi go to rescue the group. We then take a time-out to watch one of the bar women change clothes in the restroom. They talk about West Craven a dozen times so we are sure to catch the reference.

Random stuff seems to happen. Noah runs down the street. Kylie gets tortured by bald cultists. Troit and his girlfriends stagger around the parking lot and talk about buying a boat. There’s an ad for Red Bull– it gives you wings. Something has grabbed Billy and Mia that we didn’t even see. Noah then plays hide and seek in a graveyard.

There’s no point in giving more of a synopsis, as none of this makes any damned sense at all. Kevin paid good money for this Blu-Ray, so I guess I have to finish it, but oh, is it ever bad. (At least, Kevin adds, it was a really good deal on the Blu-Ray.)

Brian’s Commentary

We never really find out what happened to the group before the movie started, but people have already died by that point, and the characters already know they’re in a horror movie. Who were these bald men, cultists or something? What was any of this for?

Well, that was truly awful. Not one of the “Actors” can act, which isn’t helped by the awful dialogue and pacing. It’s got lots of barely-dressed girls running around through most of the film, so there’s that if you’re into that sort of thing, but that’s probably the only reason anyone would watch this. Even the editing is noticeably terrible, with odd, half-second bits of blackness where the shots didn’t quite align in the editing room.

Worst of the month, easily. It’s far from the worst I’ve ever seen, but it’s probably in the top twenty.

Kevin’s Commentary

The very beginning had me wondering if we’d started in the middle of the movie by mistake. After the credits roll, we realize they did that on purpose. This was intended to be the second movie of a trilogy, making the second movie first for some reason. It’s been eleven years, so that plan is doubtful.

Apparently, despite having been attacked, some people missing, one guy badly injured, it doesn’t occur to the characters to call 911. Just one of many strange and bad choices made. But don’t think about that too much, look, here’s another young woman strutting or running about scantily dressed or topless. And then, for some reason bald pale attacker guys show up. Stuff happens, and then it ends abruptly, unfinished and waiting for the third in the trilogy.

It wasn’t available for streaming, and I wanted to see it, so I picked up a cheap Blu-ray copy. That seemed like a good idea at the time. I was intensely disappointed.

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2025 The Arborist

• Director: Andrew Mudge

• Writers: Andrew Mudge

• Stars: Lucy Walters, Hudson West, Will Lyman

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

An arborist in mourning and her somewhat surly son land a wood trimming gig, hired by a recluse living in a big mansion on big land. But there’s some haunting going on along with big loads of guilt and grief, and it’s not just a simple job. It’s beautifully filmed with a strong cast of just a few main characters, but it didn’t really connect with either of us.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear a woman shushing a baby as a large ball of woven vines rolls into the room. Credits roll.

Ellie gets up in the morning and runs the breast pump. She goes looking for her son Wyatt, but then finds something very wrong with the baby.

One year later, Ellie and Wyatt drive to a large estate where they have been promised work. She’s still grieving over the death of the baby. She meets Mr. Randolph, the owner of the house, and he mostly just wants her to cut firewood. Meanwhile, Wyatt finds a mysterious ball of woven vines near the truck that scares him enough that he hides from it. They move into the little gardener’s cottage.

Wyatt asks about the old man living all alone in that huge mansion. He gripes about her drinking and then plays videos of the baby, which annoys her.

In the morning, the two get to work. They find what looks like an old amphitheater in the woods and then argue over how to use a chainsaw.

As Ellie works, Wyatt goes canoeing and sees something not quite human on the bank. Ellie finds him passed out on the bank and has flashbacks to the baby.

Old man Randolph brings him a fishing pole to use, and Ellie asks him why hire an arborist when anyone with a chainsaw could do the work. Why those particular healthy trees?

Wyatt believes that some thing killed his little sister, but Ellie explains it was just SIDS. A bit later, Wyatt sees the monster under the canoe, repeating his mother’s words. He also sees the vine ball again, as well as some kind of demon. “What killed her? What killed Rachel?” it asks.

Ellie talks to Randolph about quitting, but she’s already been paid. The old man shows her that Wyatt has been inside the house for some reason. When confronted with the knife, Wyatt says he dropped it from the canoe. “It followed us here,” he complains. He’s clearly got some mental issues. He goes outside and talks to the creature in the trees, who says he is dying.

Ellie finds a locked box in a hidden room in the basement. Inside, she finds many old photos of children. Also, there’s a news report about seven children dying on the estate. Randolph, upstairs, finds wet footprints in his bedroom, and he’s suddenly terrified of Wyatt.

Ellie wants to pack the truck and leave, but Wyatt refuses and runs off into the woods. Randolph explains that his older brother, Victor, looked exactly like Wyatt. Ellie’s grandfather was Randolph’s cousin. Ellie and Wyatt are all that’s left of his family. He also explains about the tragedy; his brother Victor used the gas heater to kill a bunch of orphans who were there as a treat. Randolph killed Victor afterward by drowning him in the pond.

Wyatt starts channeling Victor, and it’s clear that there really is something going on here. Ellie sees the thing in the woods as well. Outside, the ghosts of the dead children surround Randolph; they believe Wyatt is Victor and want their revenge. Since Victor is now inside Wyatt, they’re aren’t really wrong.

Randolph explains that about a year ago, he started noticing things were weird in the area. This would have been around the same time Ellie’s baby died.

That night, Randolph grabs Wyatt and tries to drown him in the swimming pool, but Ellie jumps in and saves only one of them.

Later, Ellie finds the vine ball, and it’s got a baby inside. Wyatt-Victor stabs the baby and turns it into sticks. This leads Ellie to scream and melt the vine ball.

In a dreamscape of their home in town, Wyatt explains what happened the night the baby died. He accidentally fell asleep on top of the baby and killed her.

Some time later, Ellie and Wyatt return to the house, which has now been torn down. They’ve inherited what’s left from Randolph.

Brian’s Commentary

I figured from the credits that the vine ball was guilt. Also, from the way it was filmed, it seemed likely the baby’s killer was in the closet, and I assumed it was Wyatt. Turns out, that’s not the way it was going at all, which is good. Well, not completely the way it turned out.

It’s really long, and a lot of it doesn’t make sense to me.

Kevin’s Commentary

The paycheck Ellie and Wyatt get from Mr. Randolph is $3,500.00, and that’s a heck of a lot of work for two people for that amount.

When we pause, and Brian exclaims, “What?! It’s got another half hour to go!” That’s not a good sign for how entertained we are.

It turned out guilt and grief were the monsters all along. Sort of.

All the technical aspects, the cast, and the location are excellent. But it’s a long, drawn-out affair that I thought was on the dull side.

2025 Diabolic

• Director: Daniel J. Phillips

• Writers: Mike Harding, Ticia Madsen, and Daniel J. Phillips

• Stars: John Kim, Elizabeth Cullen, and Mia Challis

• Runtime: 1 hour, 35 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A woman goes back to her childhood area in the hopes of finding answers to problems she is having now and what happened in her forgotten youth. What she finds is religious extremism, a mystery, and some witchery. It builds slowly but pretty effectively, with a good cast, great cinematography, and excellent special effects. We both dug it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get an on-screen summary of what the FLDS flavor of Mormonism is all about, focusing on the culty bits.

We then cut to what looks to be a very strange baptism as credits roll. It’s 2015, and the group is doing baptisms for the dead. The final name is called, and a demon possesses the baptized girl.

Ten years later, Elise and Adam talk about her paintings. Later, in the garden, she digs up a dead animal’s skeleton. When Adam gets home, he finds that she’s dug holes all over the entire yard and doesn’t remember why.

She brings the incident to the attention of her therapist. Also, she’s killed the neighbor’s little dog and feels bad about that. The episodes are getting longer and more violent, and he brings up the possibility of an institution. He knows that this is a not-uncommon trait of people who exited from the FLDS. He wants her to confront the healers from the church to face them.

Adam and Elise decide to go see the healers, and they take Gwen with them. She’ll chaperone them as they take some kind of weird drug to open up their minds.

Hyrum talks to his overbearing mother about their new “patient,” Elise. He knew her in her younger days and wants to help her. “Her kind will find no help here,” she insists.

Elise’s group shows up at the baptistry, the only building remaining in the town after a historical flood. She remembers the baptismal font, and it makes her uncomfortable. Elise talks about how they baptist the dead by proxy. Eise doesn’t remember much of what went on that night. She almost remembers Clara, her almost-girlfriend from those days.

As the trio sets up camp, Hyrum and his mother, Alma, arrive. She doesn’t remember him. She tells them about her blackouts, and Hyrum talks about the hallucinogenic drugs their group has always used. Hyrum mixes up some hallucinogenic soup for Elise and Adam to drink. Bottom’s up!

Hyrum tells them to “embrace the visions,” and they do. Elise remembers Clara, and their kisses. “She’s coming,” Clara warns. In the real world, Elise starts vomiting blood, and Alma writes bloody runes on her belly. The candles spring to life. “We must get it out of her now!” Alma pulls a long black worm out of Elise, who sits up, mostly recovered. She watches as the worm melts and re-forms into a person, but no one else sees that.

In the morning, Hyrum and Alma talk about the evil in this place and then leave. Adam and Gwen wonder if Elise is actually better now or not. Elise swears it feels like a weight has been lifted from her stomach and now feels great. When Elise talks about Clara, Adam takes offense to that because they have no sex life.

Elise finds an ancient altar in the woods and suddenly wants to have sex right on top of it; Adam doesn’t complain. Meanwhile, Gwen follows a stranger into the baptistry and gets locked in with a ghost. When they come back out, they find a bunch of dead animals impaled on poles. Also, the car battery is now inexplicably dead.

Hyrum, who has had a crush on Elise since they were kids, comes to jumpstart the car and tells Elise that Alma pulled a demon out of her, and it’s free now to do as it pleases. Meanwhile, Alma prays and then hangs herself.

Hyrum gets home and finds his mother, not dead but even weirder. She talks about Larue, the witch-spirit they released from Elise. “The bodies were never found; she consumed them!” Larue vowed with her dying breath to get revenge on the church, and it was her name who caused the crazy baptism in the opening scenes. Then, Alma dies.

Back at the baptistry, Elise catches Adam and Gwen kissing and runs off into the woods. We get a flashback to Elise arguing with her father about loving Clara. Her father disowned her and threatened to send her away to an orphanage in the morning.

Gwen sees Larue in her tent, freaks out, and steals Adam’s car. Elise uses that key she found to open a padlocked cellar and the doors fly open mysteriously. She finds Clara’s ghost down there, who tells her to “Dig.” Elise digs up Clara’s skeleton and remembers how she murdered Clara back in the day. Now, Clara’s not in the basement, but Larue is, and she ain’t pretty. “I remember you; you’ve been with me all along.” Larue appears to kill Elise.

Gwen, driving down the road, stops when she sees Larue in the middle of the street. Is it Larue or is it Elise now? Either way, it goes really badly for Gwen. Adam finds her in the baptistry as Hyrum arrives to help. The baptismal font fills with blood as the men watch. Elise drowns Hyrum in the blood. She then crushes Adam’s head with her hands.

Elise, now alone, makes the bloody pool burn and smiles evilly.

One month later, Elise leads the girls to the new church for baptisms…

Brian’s Commentary

The cast is good, and the way the mystery unfolds is interesting. The whole FLDS thing is rarely handled in horror movies, but it’s really the best part of this movie. I was totally expecting Hyrum and Alma to be the evil crazies, but they were completely genuine, which made a nice little twist.

Kevin’s Commentary

“The following is inspired by true events” lost me a little right off the bat. IMDB trivia says that it refers to co-writer Ticia Madsen’s real-life experiences in the Mormon church. I’m assuming there was less magic and a lower body count in real life.

It was very effective at keeping us guessing what was really going on until close to the end. Then things get revealed nicely. Sometimes the dragon wins as the saying goes.

1934 Maniac

• Directed by: Dwain Esper

• Written by: Hildagarde Stadie

• Stars: Bill Woods, Horace B. Carpenter, Ted Edwards

• Run Time: 51 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The poster from a 1983 rerelease touts “Sex…Drugs…Psychos” and “The First word in bad taste,” and that’s about right. It’s awful and fascinating at the same time, surprisingly gross and graphic for 1934. And it’s short at only 51 minutes, so give it a try if you’d like something historically interesting and pretty entertaining - more chuckles and eww moments than scares for sure.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get an opening scroll that talks about fear, faith, and unhealthy thought. All criminals suffer from some mental disease.

We cut to Dr. Meirschultz and Maxwell working in their lab. The old man wants to experiment on a dead body and needs Maxwell’s help to get one. He’s going to impersonate the coroner to steal the body. They enter the morgue and inject one of the bodies with the doctor’s serum. She soon begins to move, and they need to get her out of the morgue, past the guard and attendants.

The police start looking into the missing body, and Dr. Meirschultz’s name comes up right away. So does Maxwell’s name.

Back at the lab, Dr. Meirschultz wants another body that he can transplant a still-beating heart into. He doesn’t care where the next body comes from, so Maxwell breaks into the nearby undertaker’s place, but he’s run off by angry cats. After he reports failure to the old doctor, Meirschultz wants Maxwell to kill himself for the experiment. Instead, Maxwell shoots the old madman.

We then cut to another scroll about “Dementia Precox,” a very common form of insanity.

Maxwell gives himself a speech about the “spark of life” as he hallucinates the devil. One of the doctor’s patients shows up, and Maxwell makes himself look like Meirschultz using his makeup and acting skills. He then treats Mr. Buckley and gives him a shot of super-adrenaline by mistake. Mr. Buckley has… a reaction; oh-boy does he ever. He goes berserk and steals the undead woman from the morgue.

Mrs. Buckley finds the old doctor’s corpse and thinks it’s murder. As Maxwell and Mrs. Buckley talk about blackmail and murder, Mr. Buckley and the undead woman run off into the hillside. Meanwhile, Satan the cat eats the beating heart from the jar on the desk. Maxwell grabs the cat and pops his eye out and eats it.

Maxwell walls up the doctor’s corpse and the one-eyed cat behind the wall in the basement.

The police come to a man who owns thousands of cats for the skins. He’s got it all figured out.

We cut to Maxwell’s forgotten wife, Alice, who lives with three other women who don’t seem to own many clothes. They read that Maxwell has inherited a small fortune, but no one can find him to let him know. She goes to “Meirschiltz” and tells him about the inheritance. He figures she’s going to murder him for the money, so he talks Mrs. Buckley into killing Alice. When Alice shows up, he tells her about Mrs. Buckley as a double-cross.

As the two women fight in the basement, Maxwell cackles like a lunatic, causing the cat-obsessed neighbor to call the police. Everyone runs to the basement, where the police hear the one-eye-cat yowling from behind the wall.

We cut to Maxwell, in jail, who goes on and on about his need to be a great actor, but no one appreciates him.

Brian’s Commentary

The movie poster promises “Sex, Drugs, and Psychos.” We do, in fact, get all of those. It’s all pretty ridiculous, but then again, this was 1934, so this was pretty over-the-top and extreme for the time.

The acting is awful, the plot is thin, but it’s really interesting considering what they got away with at the time.

It’s… weird.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was my second viewing after recommending it to Brian for a review. It’s kind of awful, yet interesting at the same time. It’s pretty wild and graphic considering it’s a film from 1934.

The Phyllis Diller in this movie is not the comedian Phyllis Diller.

It’s a strange little movie that I enjoyed seeing.

1956 Satellite in the Sky

• Directed by: Paul Dickson

• Written by: John Mather, J.T. McIntosh, Edith Dell

• Stars: Kieron Moore, Lois Maxwell, Donald Wolfit

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes

• Clip:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The British (in their first science fiction movie in color) launch the world’s first orbital vehicle, along with a big experimental bomb, and the mission doesn’t go smoothly. It’s sort of an alternate timeline of 1956, blending real technology with science more advanced than they had at the time. It’s a little draggy in places, but it was still interesting and low-key entertaining. Not on par with other classics of the era.

Spoilery Synopsis

We are told that apparently, Nostradamus predicted space flight, as the credits roll.

We cut to “modern” jet fighters zooming around in the sky, as one of them lands and Commander Michael Hayden gets out. There’s a press thing afterward to talk about Project Stardust, which will escape the Earth’s gravity for the first time, a height of about 1000 miles, where there probably isn’t any gravity to stop it.

Mike explains that the power and fuel are the real problems with the experiment. Kim asks what we’ll gain from all this; shouldn’t we fix our own world first? She’s very negative about the whole thing. There’s a test flight this afternoon. Professor Merrity hints that there’s a more secret aspect to the mission: the bomb. The test is successful, so Project Starlight can proceed tomorrow.

After the flight, Mike and Kim argue some more about the value of space flight. He gives her a tour of the facilities on the airbase. She also sees the rocketship that Mike will be flying in the morning. She thinks it looks… evil.

Larry, one of the scientists, is having trouble with his wife, Barbara, and his money, and they argue about the rocket. He promises to take her out, but he gets called back for more rocket work.

That night, Kim sneaks back into the airbase, and apparently, there’s no security whatsoever. Nothing is locked up, and she makes her way into the rocket unseen by anyone.

The professor explains that the flight tomorrow will carry the very first tritanium bomb to test. That’s really the whole point of the flight; Mike had no idea. The bomb is too powerful to explode on Earth, but it’ll just dissipate in space. Mike and Larry are told about this, but they’re not happy about it.

Meanwhile, Barbara goes to the party alone and meets Tony there. Jimmy breaks up his date with Ellen when she has to work on a fashion show. He ends up proposing to her– over the telephone. There’s lots of character drama.

The morning of the flight arrives, and they load the huge bomb aboard. Mike, Professor Merrity, Larry, Jimmy, and Lefty board as well, and they soon launch. The G-force is tremendous, and they all suffer, but soon it’s over and they are in space. Mike explains about the bomb to Lefty and Jimmy; that’s why Merrity had come along.

Merrity goes back to the cargo hold to check on the bomb and finds Kim hiding in the closet. They report her being a stowaway to the people on the ground. Soon, Kim is making coffee for the crew. She didn’t know anything about the T-1 bomb. Merrity explains that the bomb is so powerful that they’ll feel gale force winds on the surface. Kim thinks it’s a waste of resources, and for once, Mike agrees with her. “This could be the end of the world for all we know,” she points out.

They launch the bomb out the cargo door and watch as it jets away. Kim and Merrity argue about the bomb yet again. Suddenly, the bomb turns around and floats back to their ship with failed jets. If they start the rockets, the bomb may explode. They try anyway, and the bomb doesn’t explode, but it does stay magnetically attached to the ship.

Mike puts on a space suit and goes outside to release the bomb manually. They can’t possibly land with the bomb, as it’ll destroy a huge area of the Earth. If they don’t the bomb’s going off at nine o’clock either way. He pushes the bomb away, but it floats right back again.

The men on Earth debate what to do, since the bomb can’t be defused or deactivated. They decide the crew will just have to stay with the bomb when it blows up.

Aboard the ship, Professor Merrity goes berserk and tries to take over, but they get control of him pretty quickly.

The Americans have a new experimental jet that might be able to reach the ship, but time is tight. It’s not so tight that Mike and Kim can’t squeeze in a kiss.

Merrity and Lefty go back outside to fiddle with the bomb some more– without permission. They can’t disarm the bomb, but they grab the bomb and use their jetpacks to push the bomb far away, giving the others a chance to escape. They blast the rockets and head back down to Earth.

Up in orbit, the bomb explodes, and it’s a biggie. The end.

Brian’s Commentary

There are lots of shots of jet planes flying, landing, and taxiing around; this was all still new in the 50s, and it was interesting to audiences of the time, I guess. Surprisingly, it doesn’t feel like stock footage, which was pretty common for this kind of film. This was also Britain’s first color sci-fi film.

The sets are good, the acting is fine, and the special effects are decent for the 50s. There are both pro- and anti-science and war opinions given, and overall, there’s a lot of talk.

It’s a little dull, actually.

Kevin’s Commentary

The real technology of the time, combined with the science fiction tech, was pretty cool.

I never knew that before Miss Moneypenny worked for the secret service, she had a career as a reporter.

I wasn’t bored, but it did drag in places, and the pacing isn’t continuously lively. I don’t regret watching it, but it’s not a classic worth a repeat viewing.

1956 World Without End

• Directed by: Edward Bernds

• Written by: Edward Bernds

• Stars: Hugh Marlowe, Nancy Gates, Nelson Leigh

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 20 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

What starts out as a manned mission to orbit Mars takes an unexpected turn when the craft goes through a time warp and they’re propelled into the year 2508 where Earth is populated by mutants and very few normal humans. But it’s really science fiction, not much horror. For such a short film, they fit a lot into it as far as storytelling. The effects and so forth are very dated, but it’s fun and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with an atomic explosion and credits roll.

XRM has lost contact, and the men at the Pentagon are concerned. Henry Jaffe’s last report was cut off in mid-transmission, but we soon see him and the other men on their spaceship– they have lost contact as well. John, the captain, wishes they could land on Mars, but that’s not the mission. They set course to return to Earth after successfully orbiting Mars, and we watch as the ship accelerates. John, Henry, Doc, and Herb all sit up and watch Mars fade into the background– BOOM! Suddenly, there’s an explosion, and everything gets crazy.

Everyone passes out, and when they wake up, they’ve already landed. It’s clearly not Mars, and the gravity seems normal, so they go outside. The radiation level is three times what the Earth’s should be; they were at a crazy speed, so they could be anywhere. Hank has a family back home, and he’s whiny about getting back to them.

They find a cave with giant spiders inside– good thing they brought pistols. They’re surprised, but no one gets hurt. They move on and camp for the night. We see that they’re being watched by what appear to be cavemen. The one-eyed cyclopean cavemen attack in the night, but the pistols again come in handy.

Then they come to a graveyard with tombstones in English. Some of the dates end with 2188, so this is actually Earth in the future. Doc says that if you go fast enough, time slows down, so they seem to have proven that to be true. An atomic war in 2188 would account for the radiation levels. Those one-eyed monsters must be what remains of humanity. What other monsters might exist here?

The cavemen attack in numbers this time, and the four men hide in a cave. In the back of the cave is a super-hard metal door that opens to a clean-looking hallway. The group is taken to a council of humans led by Timmek. The people know all about space-time warps being possible, or at least they did before the big atomic war. Timmek explains that it’s 2508 AD now. Timmek’s daughter, Garnet, leads them to a nice dinner.

Garnet explains about Deena, the daughter of the mutants outside, but she wasn’t born deformed. She escaped, and the underground community took her in.

It soon becomes clear that these people are cowardly pacifists - or at least very complacent and content, afraid to go to the surface or reclaim the planet, even though they are technologically capable. Meanwhile, John gets cozy with Garnet. Mories, one of the leaders, likes Garnet and is jealous of John already. All the women seem to be really interested in the strong, virile men from the past.

Mories makes up some stories about the men from the past planning a coup and taking over, and Timmek falls for it. John asks Timmek to give them weapons and supplies to retake the surface, but Timmek suspects they have bad intentions. Timmek refuses to make them the weapons.

Mories takes the men’s pistols, kills James in the process, and hides them to frame the men for killing James. The four outsiders are taken into custody and put on trial. Timmek banishes them back to the surface. Deena knows the truth, but Mories attacks her, too. She tells Timmek about Mories before passing out. Mories runs outside, where he’s quickly killed by the Mutates.

Timmek realizes mistake and orders his people to assist the four men with retaking the surface. The weapons they make aren’t very good, so Hank comes up with the idea of making a bazooka.

The four men go outside, alone, armed with a single rocket launcher. The Mutates are terrified of the big noisy thing. Turns out, some of the people outside aren’t mutants, but normal people enslaved by the Mutates. Deena joins them to help translate, but in the next attack, Hank gets a spear in the back, but he’ll be okay. Naga, the mutant leader, threatens to kill his normal-hostages.

John challenges Naga to an axe-to-axe fight. John is smart and has two eyes, so he wins fairly easily. John is now the “chief” of the mutates and orders the release of the slaves and hostages.

Within a few months, the underground people come up to live with the human-looking ex-slaves, who are learning English. The underground children are thriving in the outdoors. Maybe the human race will survive after all!

Brian’s Commentary

The plot borrows a lot from “The Time Machine,” and was actually sued by the Estate of H.G. Wells for infringement. One of the cast, Rod Taylor, eventually starred in the film version of “The Time Machine” (1960). The time-traveling spaceship was a newer idea, as this film predates “The Planet of the Apes” book by several years. It was also an obvious visual influence for “Star Trek,” which was also several years off.

There’s not much horror here beyond oversized spiders and one-eyed mutants, but overall, it was pretty good.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s no Planet of the Apes, but the concept is the same. A group of astronauts end up on Earth of the future. There’s no doubt this influenced that story as well as Star Trek the original series and many other science fiction movies and shows of the late 1950s and 1960s. For only an hour and 20 minutes, a lot happens in it. And I learned a new word, “palavering.” I’d never seen this one before, and I’m glad I did. It was quite entertaining.

Contact Info:

Email: mailto:email@horrorguys.com

Websites:

• https://www.horrorguys.com

• https://www.horrormonthly.com

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #55, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link:

https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2026 Mercy

• Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov

• Written by: Marco van Belle

• Stars: Chris Pratt, Rebecca Ferguson, Kali Reis, Annabelle Wallis, Chris Sullivan, Kylie Rogers

• Run Time: 100 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In the near future, a detective stands trial accused of murdering his wife. He has 90 minutes to prove his innocence to the advanced A.I. Judge he once championed, before it determines his fate. Chris Pratt and Rebecca Ferguson star in the high-tech action-thriller Mercy. Own it now on 4K, Blu-ray™ and DVD.

The technology is believable, but it is a stretch to think it will be that advanced only three years from now, in 2029. There’s some suspense, with an arbitrary running clock, and a mystery being solved. It’s a science fiction thriller, certainly not horror, but the Horror Guys did their duty. We both thought it was interesting, pretty entertaining, very well made, but not quite a solid film when you give it a lot of thought.

Spoilery Synopsis

Chris Raven wakes up strapped to a chair. We then cut to an ad talking about Los Angeles’s crime epidemic and the Mercy program, which judges criminals with AI as judge, jury, and executioner. Crime has fallen 69 percent. Chris is the next prisoner who is to be judged, case #19. Judge Maddox is the AI in charge of the case.

Chris is not sure why he’s there, and she explains that he’s being tried for the murder of his own wife. He watches a video where his dying wife says he was the one who stabbed her. He pleads “Not Guilty.” He has ninety minutes to prove his innocence or he’s going to be executed.

She recites the facts, and he says she’s lying. But she has a video to back up everything she says. He claims he doesn’t remember any of it. She replays scenes of their wedding, birth of their child, and lots of fighting and arguing. He uses his phone calls to talk to his daughter Britt and partner Jaq. With Jaq’s assistance, they all go over the crime scene and evidence.

Jaq traces a phone in downtown Hollywood, which is a riotous wasteland now. She chases a sketchy chef across the rooftop and questions him. He’d been having an affair with Nicole, and they used burner phones for privacy. He also has a video alibi for the time of the murder.

We get more video that shows us Chris’s partner’s death, which was partially Chris’s fault.

He calls the affair partner again, and he has some information about Nicole’s job, maybe doing some shady stuff. There was a BBQ at Chris’s house last weekend, and it’s possible that one of the guests stayed over and hid in the basement. Could it be Nicole’s co-worker Holt, who may have been stealing UG chemicals, an ingredient in meth, from work.

Chris calls Holt, who says Rob, Chris’s AA sponsor, may have put him up to all of it. Rob was off yesterday, so he has no alibi for the murder. At this point, it seems that Chris is really on to something, so you’d expect that the judge would pause the countdown timer, but no. Instead, the judge starts stuttering and showing issues.

A search of Rob’s house shows a lab and lots of evidence that he might be making explosives, not meth. He’s got a whole container truck full of explosives, so he’s heading toward something big. Turns out, Rob’s secret brother was David Webb, the first man Chris brought to Mercy for execution. Rob’s also got Britt in the cab with him as a hostage. This is all a crazy revenge plot against Chris and Mercy, he wants to take them both out.

The judge admits her logic has failed her and Chris is innocent. He tries to talk her into helping him stop Rob. Chris and the judge work together with the police to stop Rob’s truck, which is quickly approaching the Mercy building.

The judge releases Chris, who runs downstairs to confront Rob personally. The judge offers Rob a chance to prove his dead brother’s innocence. Chris gets the drop on Rob, but at the last minute, Jaq comes in and kills him. Turns out, Jaq was behind David Webb’s false verdict and shot at Rob to cover it all up so that Mercy would be seen as a success.

Jaq is arrested, and the trial ends.

Brian’s Commentary

There’s a lot going on here with “the surveillance state” and tracking of people and devices that aren’t too far from reality, although I doubt we’ll be that far along in 2029 (the date on the videos). I think the whole idea of phoning people to testify in court is unlikely; I hang up on 80% of the phone calls I get.

There’s no follow-up to explain how it all worked out. The trial is over, and Mercy’s first verdict was discredited, but did that really change anything?

None of the characters, especially Chris, are likeable or particularly interesting. I thought the first hour was really pretty dull, although once Chris starts tracking down the real killer, it picks up quite a bit. I suspect this is one that the more I think about it, the more it’s going to fall apart.

Kevin’s Commentary

Yeah, I don’t see us being that advanced or apocalyptic in 2029, three years from now.

I spent most of the movie wondering if Jessica Ferguson as Judge Maddox was benign and neutral.

I was finding it pretty tedious for the first half hour, but I warmed to it as the story progressed. It does get moving and more interesting. The counting timer was really just a plot device to create suspense, arbitrary and no reason it couldn’t have been longer or extended as needed.

They lost me a bit at the end when Rob drove his truck into the building but didn’t immediately detonate it so Chris and the Judge had a chance to stop him. But that allowed for another twist at the end and wrap up. Overall, I’d say I was entertained, but I wouldn’t call it great.

1976 Squirm

• Directed by: Jeff Lieberman

• Written by: Jeff Lieberman

• Stars: Don Scardino, Patricia Pearcy, R.A. Dow

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Powerlines serving a small town are knocked down in a storm. They zap the ground and drive the local worm population into a carnivorous rage. It’s kind of slow-moving but it’s pretty good, building as it goes along.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that in 1975, an electrical storm knocked down a bunch of power lines that sent hundreds of thousands of volts into the muddy ground. This resulted in some weirdness, and this is that story…

We watch as the wires spark into the ground and lightning happens as credits roll. The next day, the rain stops, and we watch Geri take a shower as Roger works in the garden. Naomi, Alma, and Geri talk about the bridge being washed out, and they hear about the downed power lines on the radio.

Geri’s boyfriend, Mick, gets off the bus, since the road is blocked, and walks the rest of the way to Naomi’s truck. They stop at the store, and Mick gets a weird drink as he listens to the locals talk about the storm. Mick finds a worm in his drink. The waitress and the sheriff think he put the worm in the glass. He’s not from around here, and they all know it.

Willie and Roger, who run the worm farm, talk about all their escaped worms. Willie is not pleased, and Mick sorta gets blamed for that as well. Geri explains that the worms around here bite, and Mick admits he’s got worm-o-phobia.

Geri and Mick find a dead body, or at least a skeleton, picked clean. They bring in the sheriff, who really doesn’t like Mick, to see, but the skeleton is gone when they get back.

Back at the house, Mick and Alma smoke some pot and talk about the area; he’s got poison ivy. Later, they find another skeleton in the back of Roger’s truck– or maybe it’s the same one, they all look alike.

Roger takes Geri and Mick out on his boat fishing, and Mick doesn’t want to put the worm on his hook. Roger says he hates worms too. The worm bites Mick. Roger tells a story about how worms like electricity and how they bit off his thumb when they were little.

Mick gets off the boat to investigate the skeleton some more, leaving Geri alone with Roger. Mick steals the skull while Roger tries to show Geri his worm. Roger, in turn, gets a face full of carnivorous worms.

Mick and Alma break into the dentist’s office to try to identify the skull. Afterwards, they go back to the worm farm and find Willie’s body, now dead as well. As before, the sheriff ignores them.

Then everyone stops and has an awkward dinner. Naomi wonders why Roger didn’t come to dinner, and she’s weird about it. Suddenly, a random tree falls through the house. Turns out, a billion worms were under the tree and ate the roots.

Roger attacks Mick in the woods, and he’s a mess now. Alma wants to take a shower and accidentally fills the tub with worms. No, the whole ROOM is full of worms that spill out when she opens the door.

The sheriff and his girlfriend realize that worms exist. The worms also attack Quigley’s bar and everyone inside.

Mick returns to the house and finds a sea of worms, as well as Naomi’s body. Roger attacks again, but gets thrown into the worms and is quickly devoured. Mick and Geri climb down a tree to get out of the house.

In the morning, the power guy shows up to report that the power lines are back up, but no one in town’s answering the telephone. We see that Alma hid in a chest until the worms had gone, so she’s OK. It’s all over now… or is it?

Brian’s Commentary

What’s an egg cream?

This one is full of weird characters, and the actors mostly lean into the silliness. The number of worms used here was insane, literally causing a worm shortage since they bought all of them.

I’m not quite sure what was wrong with Naomi, the mother, who was weird and scared throughout the movie, even though she had no idea what was going on until the end. Half the house was crushed, and Mick had to walk half a mile through the woods to find a board for the window?

It’s pretty formulaic, but the humor helps. I was entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

It’s said they used so many worms for this movie that it caused a shortage for fishermen. There are indeed mass quantities in this movie.

This is another one that I saw when it came out at the theater in 1976, and it was scarier then. It was still pretty good and entertaining though seeing it again today.

1972 Frogs

• Directed by: George McCowan

• Written by: Robert Hutchison, Robert Blees

• Stars: Ray Milland, Sam Elliott, Joan Van Ark

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A rich family, and a young pre-mustache Sam Elliot, gather on an estate on an isolated swampy island for a birthday and Fourth of July celebration. The body count rises as nature rises up and attacks, including the frogs, who mostly sit around watching. There are plenty of attacks, but it’s still on the tame side, and the ending is very abrupt. It’s just okay.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man, Pickett Smith, in a canoe, taking photos of wildlife, as credits roll. He starts out with frogs and lizards but soon gets distracted by all the floating garbage in the water.

We then cut to Clint Crockett and his sister, Karen, speeding around in circles in their high-powered speedboat. Clint’s busy drinking and driving when he nearly runs over Smith’s canoe. They at least stop and pick him up afterward and tow him to shore; Smith loses his camera and all his stuff in the process.

On shore, old man Jason watches it all with his binoculars and sends Stuart to find out what’s going on. Clint and Karen invite Smith to stay around and join in their party games this afternoon. We see many frogs around the place. Jason is combative about the photography, but the conversation soon turns towards the huge frogs on the island.

We soon get to meet the rest of the weird family. Jason is a bossy old fart, and all the others obey, since he’s the rich one. Again, they all complain about the growing frog population. Jason wants Smith to tour the island and give his expert opinion on the frog problems.

Smith does take a walk through the island woods and notices that poison has been used; there’s lots of dead birds, lizards, and other animals beyond just the frogs. He also finds Jason’s handyman, Grover, dead and covered in snakes.

Night falls, and Maybelle and Bella talk about the crazy white family. Smith returns to the big house but doesn’t say anything about finding the body; the phone is out. We see that there’s a big snake in the dining room, and Jason shoots it with his pistol. Smith does eventually tell Jason about the body.

Jason and Smith talk about living in harmony with nature; what if nature is trying to get back at them? Clint and Jenny argue about getting the old man’s money when he dies. Karen and Smith get closer.

The next morning, it’s the Fourth of July, and the family celebrates and argues. Michael goes out to see why the phone lines are down and shoots himself in the leg by mistake. As he lies there, he’s killed by spiders… and grass? Kenneth goes into the greenhouse and dies when some lizards mix up poison gas from the chemicals stored there. Meanwhile, Jason insists the family is going to have fun today, no matter what!

Smith finds Kenneth and reports to the family, which actually does interrupt the party. Meanwhile, Iris is killed by poisonous snakes and leeches while she’s out looking for butterflies; Stuart, on the other hand, comes face to face with a crocodile.

Back at the house, Jason goes back to insisting on the party, even regardless of the deaths. Smith points out that the phones are still down and there hasn’t been a boat on the lake all day– could this be happening everywhere? The servants and Bella want to leave, so Clint takes them to the boat and back to the mainland. The place is deserted; it’s happening here too. Clint never makes it back to the island. A giant turtle eats Jenny.

Karen and the kids want to leave, and Smith is in agreement. Jason, on the other hand, thinks they’re all out to get him and insists on staying home, alone. The group hops into Smith’s canoe and sets off, barely escaping a bunch of snakes.

The group makes it to shore and takes the same route the servants did. They find the servants’ luggage, but not the bodies– something got them. Smith flags down a car, and they all get in for a ride. The woman complains that she’s been driving for three hours and hasn’t seen a single person on the road.

Back on the island, Jason plays patriotic music as the frogs break the windows and get inside. Alone, he starts to realize he’s made a mistake in staying, but it’s too late.

Brian’s Commentary

Yay, Florida!

This was the first of many “Eco Horror” movies of the 70s. It was Sam Elliotts’s first starring role and Joan Van Ark’s first film. Most of the live frogs used in the film eventually escaped into the wilderness.

There’s a lot more going on here than just killer frogs, as all the wildlife on the island has turned hostile. Actually, the frogs never hurt anyone, as they seem to more the brains of the operation. Most of the deaths happen just after the camera cuts away, as it’d be nearly impossible to make a fatal turtle attack look realistic.

Kevin’s Commentary

I saw this one when it came out, and it freaked me out at the time. It’s less scary seeing it a second time as an adult. I’d forgotten it wasn’t just the frogs rising up but other critters as well.

They did the best they could with the budget they had, and the practicality of having normally harmless creatures causing fatal harm, but it’s really not a great movie. It was fairly entertaining, but just middling.

1977 Kingdom of the Spiders

• Directed by: John Bud Cardos

• Written by: Richard Robinson, Alan Laillou, Jeffrey M Sneller

• Stars: William Shatner, Tiffany Bolling, Woody Strode

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes

• Watch it:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Masses of scary, hairy tarantulas invade an Arizona farm town, and things gradually turn deadly as they step up their attacks. William Shatner, as the town veterinarian, takes the lead as things get overly dramatically worse. The movie gets made fun of quite a bit, and it might deserve it some, but they do try to take it seriously. It’s a pretty entertaining creature feature.

Spoilery Synopsis

We see lots of Arizona desert footage as the country-music-themed credits roll.

A couple admire their soon-to-be prizewinning cow out in the pasture. The cow, on the other hand, doesn’t see the vicious predators sneaking up on him…

We cut to Dr. Rack Hansen, out riding his horse doing cowboy things only with more injections. He then ropes in Terry for some hanky panky until she calls him, “John,” which is his dead brother’s name.

Rack soon gets a call from Walt, the owner of that cow we saw attacked. The calf soon dies, and Rack can’t really explain it– but he does send some blood samples to the lab. He stops at the service station, where the man inside digs through his stock of old tires and gets bitten by a spider.

Diane arrives in town and rents a cabin from Emma, who mentions that the big annual festival is coming up real soon now.

The mayor visits Rack about the quarantine at Walt’s place. He doesn’t want to panic people at the big festival in a few weeks and wants to cover it all up. Diane arrives and explains that she’s an entomologist from the university. She says the calf died from a massive dose of spider venom.

Back at the cabin, Diane and Emma meet a family of tourists. Later, in her cabin, we see a spider crawling around. She finds the spider and lets him outside.

Rack and Diane go to Walt’s farm and find Walt’s dog is also dead from venom. Walt knows all about spiders, as there’s a huge spider hill on his property. Diane explains that most spiders aren’t susceptible to poison; then they go out to dinner and talk about Women’s Lib.

Diane suggests that the spiders are readjusting their waiting habits because of the changing environment. Spiders are usually cannibalistic, but now, they’re working together to find prey. Maybe they should burn the mound?

Diane and Rack head over to Walt’s again, and Walt’s already got the gas can ready. They find a huge bull covered in spiders. Walt sets the spider-hill on fire, but it’s just the surface of the hill, so all the spiders simply hide.

Rack takes Diane to meet Terry, and Terry takes it badly. They go on a picnic, and the little girl doesn’t see the spiders approaching and narrowly escapes getting eaten.

Walt, on the other hand, decides to see a doctor to fix up his spider-bitten hand. He doesn’t see the spiders in the back seat until they’re crawling all over him and crashes over a cliff.

The sheriff calls, and he’s found 20 or 30 more spider mounds. Diane calls the mayor stupid, so that doesn’t win him over. He insists on using pesticides, which Diane insists will only make things worse.

The crop duster man takes off with a tank full of nasty pesticides. He, like Walt, doesn’t check the cockpit first. He freaks out and crashes into the gas station. Meanwhile, Walt’s wife is killed by spiders as is Terry. Rack shows up in time to rescue Linda, but Terry’s toast.

Rack, Diane, and Linda head to Emma’s lodge and get Emma to hole up there as the tarantulas assemble outside. The phones are out, since the old-style operator has been killed. We see the spiders sneaking in through the air vents.

The whole place is surrounded by uncountable spiders, and they keep finding a way inside.

Meanwhile, the sheriff drives to town, and that state fair isn’t going to happen; people are dying in droves and it’s pandemonium.

Back at the lodge, things are getting worse, as the power goes out. Rack goes into the basement to fix the fuse and gets bitten several times.

Morning comes and Rack wants to look outside. They get the radio working, and there’s no mention of spiders. Rack uncovers a window and looks outside. The whole town is buried inside webbing. It is now… the Kingdom of the Spiders!

Brian’s Commentary

They used a lot of real spiders in this one, and quite a few got squished for real. Everything is explained clearly, and it mostly more or less makes sense. The acting is mostly good, but we’re here to see spiders killing people, so does that really matter?

Of this genre of killer insect movies, this is one of the better ones.

Kevin’s Commentary

The 70s music in this one is fun. I chuckled seeing the trope of a mayor not wanting any scare or quarantine that might interfere with the annual fair, the town’s big tourist event.

Trivia points out this movie doesn’t have the disclaimer that no animals were harmed or killed in the making of this movie. And William Shatner said in a biography it was distressing how many of the spiders were killed during filming, hearing them crunch under car tires specifically. $50,000 of the movie budget went toward acquiring 5,000 spiders at $10 each.

The attacks were a little silly looking at times as people didn’t just brush or pick the spiders off while screaming and flailing about, but overall it was pretty grim and serious. It’s more entertaining than not.

2006 The Hills Have Eyes

• Directed by: Alexandre Aja

• Written by: Alexandre Aja, Grégory Levasseur

• Stars: Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin, Dan Byrd, Robert Joy, Ted Levine

• Run Time: 1h 47m (Theatrical); 1h 48m (Unrated)

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A family traveling through the New Mexico desert runs into a clan/family of cannibalistic mutants and misfits. This is a remake of the 1977 film by the same name, and follows the original pretty closely but set in 2006. It’s grim and gruesome and suspenseful. We both thought it was really good, a very good remake.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that between 1945 and 1962, the US conducted a whole bunch of nuclear tests and have since denied that any genetic defects were caused by those tests.

We cut to some scientists checking out a radioactive place in the New Mexico desert. A man runs out of nowhere and asks for help, but a big bald man comes out of nowhere and kills them all. Credits roll.

The gas station attendant grabs his shotgun and starts calling out for Ruby, who is nowhere to be found. He finds a bag of stolen goods on his doorstep, along with a severed ear, and screams, “I can’t do this anymore!” An RV drives up containing a big family that really doesn’t want to be there. Big Bob, Ethel, Bobby, Brenda, Lynn, and Doug are on a long road trip for their anniversary. Lynn sees the bag of loot, and suddenly the attendant recommends that the family take a “shortcut” through the desert.

The family drives over some tire spikes and crashes way out in the middle of nowhere. They all argue about whose fault this all is for a while. Bob and Doug decide they need to walk back to civilization, but first, we get to know all the characters a bit as they stop and pray. We see that someone out in the hills is watching them. The two German Shepherds know something’s up, but no one listens to them.

Beauty, the dog, runs away, and Bobby goes after her into the hills. He soon finds the dog, dead, and then falls off a cliff. Doug, on the other hand, finds a whole bunch of cars abandoned in a crater. We zoom in through the crater and see a suspicious-looking mine shaft…

Big Bob finally makes it back to the gas station, but the attendant isn’t there. Someone else is stalking around outside. He goes inside and snoops around until he finds the severed ear, then he draws his gun. He reads newspaper clippings about nuclear tests in a nearby mining town. There are photos of mutated children as well. He finds the attendant, but the man shoots himself before he can answer any questions. The people in the dark soon kidnap Bob and wheel him into the mine shaft.

Brenda, Lynn, and Ethel find Bobby and patch him up. Bobby knows there’s something bad outside, but he never really saw anything specific. Beast, the second dog, gets off his chain just about the time that Doug returns. Everyone shuts up the camper and goes to sleep.

It’s all very relaxing until someone throws Big Bob on the bonfire. As the family runs out to see Bob, two mutants, Pluto and Lizard, come into the camper, where Brenda is asleep, and do bad things to her. Ethel walks in, and they just shoot her– and Lynn.

Beast the dog is still alive and kills Goggle, one of the mutants we haven’t seen before. He brings Goggle’s arm and radio to the camper, where Doug hears the bad guys talking.

In the morning, Beast leads Doug to the mine shaft, and they go inside looking for the baby. Back at the camper, Brenda and Bobby work on setting up some booby-traps.

Doug continues on and finds one of those old atomic testing mockup towns, completely abandoned. Inside one of the houses, he hears the baby crying and goes inside, where he’s quickly captured. He gets loose and runs into a mutant with a giant head who explains what’s going on. There’s lots of hiding and fight, and Doug eventually stabs Pluto, which barely slows him down. Doug loses some fingers to Pluto’s axe. Doug eventually gets the best of the mutant and kills him.

Ruby, the girl mutant, has taken the baby, but Doug has killed all the tough mutants by this point. Lizard comes in to kill the baby, but Ruby steals it away from him as well and runs off into the hills.

Back at the camper, Bobby’s early warning system pays off. No, it was a distraction while the mutants stole Ethel and Lynn’s bodies. Bobby and the mutants’ leader, Papa Jupiter, have a chase that leads to Jupiter going boom in a gas explosion.

Doug catches up to Ruby and tries to take the baby back from her. Lizard jumps down and attacks him. This goes very badly for Doug, but he doesn’t die. Doug gets back up and finally becomes a badass, shooting Lizard repeatedly. Ruby then gives the baby back to Doug. In a final horror-movie trope, Lizard gets back up and points the shotgun at them, but Ruby tackles him, and they both go over the cliff.

Bobby and Brenda finish off Jupiter and spot Doug, Beast, and the baby walking back to them. The camera pulls back, and we see that someone’s still watching them, and they’re still stuck in the desert, only now with no camper or supplies at all…

Brian’s Commentary

This is a remake of 1977’s “The Hills Have Eyes.” It’s not a sequel, but a remake. It’s shot in a more modern style, looks much nicer, but is almost word-for-word the same story. There are a few differences in the way it all plays out, but it’s almost the same.

The mutants’ makeup effects are much better than the original, but they really should have fit in Michael Berryman in some way.

It was good. Not as nasty and gritty as the original, and much more polished. Still, it was well done.

Kevin’s Commentary

It did not have a happy ending exactly, but it was a win for the survivors, and he did rescue his baby. And then what happens next, I wondered, out in the middle of a desert with no water, no food, no transportation.

I don’t know how necessary this remake was, but it was very well done. It was a good watch.

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2026 Scream 7

• Directed by: Kevin Williamson

• Written by: Kevin Williamson, Guy Busick

• Stars: Neve Campbell, Isabel May, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding, Anna Camp, David Arquette, Matthew Lillard, Courteney Cox

• Run Time: 1h 54m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Years have passed, Sydney has a new town, new home, new job, a cop husband, and a teenage daughter in her 20s. Things are idyllic in the affluent area until, of course, the killings start again. And the who-is-doing-it begins again. It’s very well put together with a strong cast, but we didn’t feel like it was much different than the rest of the series. If you’re a Scream fan, you’ll probably like this one too. If you’re tired of the Scream movies, there’s not much reason to see this one.

Spoilery Synopsis

A couple of influencers arrive at the “Stab” house. It’s a murder house based on the movie series, which was also based on the real-life murders. Numerous murders happened here, but now it’s a themed-BNB museum, with body outlines on the floor and everything. They soon come across an animatronic Ghostface and a shrine to Stu, who legend says is still alive. Scott and Madison get “the” phone call about scary movies, which is a put on for part of the tourist experience. The whole trip goes very badly after that. Credits roll.

Ben crawls through his girlfriend Tatum’s bedroom window and points out that it’s just like in the first “Stab” movie. Turns out, it’s Sydney’s house, and she’s wise to his tricks. Her husband, Mark, knows all about Sydney’s past.

We spend a while meeting all of Tatum’s friends. Lucas wants to start a podcast about Sydney’s story. They’re all involved in an unrealistically elaborate school play for the theater club. Sydney still gets calls from the Woodsboro killer, but she doesn’t believe it’s really him. The killer Facetimes her, and she immediately recognizes that it’s Stu. He threatens to do something to Tatum at the theater, so Sydney gets the whole police force involved.

Ghostface kills a girl on stage, but then Sydney shows up and starts blasting. Tatum turns out to be fine, but two of her friends are killed. Mark, a policeman, swears that Stu is really dead. Ben is a computer whiz, and he could have AI-deepfaked that video of Stu, so he’s Sydney’s main suspect.

As Sydney and Tatum argue about leaving town, the killer pops out of the attic, inside the house. They hide in a safe room, but they both decide to sneak out to see how Mark is doing. There’s a lot of cat-and-mouse, but eventually, the killer is run over by Gale, who shows up out of the blue. They pull off the killer’s mask, and no one knows who that guy is. After a bit, we hear that he’s a former mental patient with no connection to anyone. “There’s always more than one,” Sydney points out. Sydney and Gale immediately turn their suspicions on Lucas.

Stu calls, and this time, he gets Gale. Gale and Sydney go to the mental hospital to research the now-dead killer, Karl. They show the orderly Stu’s photo, and the man recognizes him as a John Doe patient who spent a lot of years there. He was released two weeks ago. Stu and Karl were close friends.

Mindy and Chad, Gale’s intern camera people, talk to Tatum and discuss their suspicions. They talk about how horror-cliched it is that no one recognized Stu after all these years. They say it’s all about nostalgia and old movie franchises.

Meanwhile, Ghostface kills Mark. Gale interviews Sydney on TV to draw out the killer. He does call, and he’s right outside where all the kids are. Sydney calls Mark, who doesn’t answer because he’s already dead. Meanwhile, Tatum finds an AI-deepfake that Ben made and smashes his face thinking he’s involved, but there’s still another Ghostface out there. Inside, Mindy points out that they are locked inside and all their suspects have conveniently disappeared. Lucas, Chloe, Mindy, and Chad all die in rapid succession.

Tatum, on the other hand, is being chased through town by Ghostface. And since there’s been a curfew established, no one is in the entire downtown to help. Ben shows up and proves that he’s not the killer– by dying. Sydney and Tatum text each other but don’t call 911. Sydney talks to Tatum about how to use a gun and to shoot through the wall where the killer is standing. As usual with a horror movie, that doesn’t kill him. On the other hand, a second Ghostface shows up and they both get her.

Sydney runs home and confronts Sydney; “Stu” unmasks himself on screen, and turns into various dead characters we’ve seen before. Eventually, we see that it’s actually the hospital worker from the asylum. Mark is there, only mostly dead, with the other Ghostface, who is Jessica, the next door neighbor and Lucas’s mother. They talk about Sydney being a scream queen and final girl.

Mark secretly cuts Tatum loose, and they turn the tables on the baddie, but only briefly. Sydney’s had enough and stabs the Hell out of Jessica, and then Tatum shoots Jessica, but not in the head. Then she does, repeatedly.

Gale shows up, along with not-dead Chad and Mindy to report on the story.

Brian’s Commentary

I like that everyone suspected that the Stu calls were AI-faked; I’ve never seen anyone in a movie go down that route before.

We’re just spinning our wheels with this whole franchise at this point. There’s really not much new going on here. It’s well-made, highly budgeted, looks good, but there’s absolutely nothing new here.

Kevin’s Commentary

That was a very affluent high school.

There were some updates using current technology, but it just mostly seemed like more of the same. I can’t fault the quality. The cast, effects, sets, everything were top notch. But the Scream movies all kind of run together for me, and a little weariness is creeping in. Oh look, there’s more than one killer, and they have crazy reasons for taking over the Screamface persona. This didn’t do much to excite me.

2026 I Know Exactly How You Die

• Director: Alexandra Spieth

• Writers: Mike Corey (Screenplay)

• Stars: Rushabh Patel, Stephanie Hogan, Bobby Liga, Summer Hernandez, Zachary Leipert

• Runtime: 90 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a horror writer working on a slasher story checks into a motel to get some work done on his book, the lines between reality and fiction start blurring. The problem he finds is that a writer can’t control every single thing in the world, and things get crazier as the story progresses. Who is really in charge? It’s got an ideal location where most of it takes place, the acting is good, the effects are effective, and it’s a clever script. We both thought it was quite good and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man does laundry as another man comes in behind him and kills him excessively with a brick. Credits roll.

Rian, a writer, checks into a motel to self-isolate to get some work done. He tends to overshare and is a little bit of a creep. He gets to work writing his horror novel about Katie getting killed.

We watch as the real Katie parks her car at the very same motel and goes into a really sketchy restroom. A man comes in and has some kind of seizure, and she rescues him. She and Naja, the motel manager, watch a news report about Katie’s neighbor, who turned out to be a serial killer. Actually, she’s come to the motel to be away from the killer, who is still at large. As soon as she goes into her room, we see her stalker approaching the door with a brick…

Rian takes a break from his writing and goes outside to the indoor pool. As he swims, he thinks about Katie’s story some more. Someone steals his clothes, and then he’s attacked and kidnapped. No– he’s just dreaming, passed out on the pool room floor. Katie comes and helps him as well. Maybe that was all a dream.

Rian’s neighbors have sex 24/7, so he wants to change rooms. The new one is smaller and not as nice. He gets back to work. In another room, a woman is sick and doesn’t notice the killer breaking into her room. As the woman runs out of her room, Rian thinks he can actually hear her screams and looks out his window. He watches the woman be murdered out there, but then, when he goes outside, there’s no one else there. Could the story he’s been writing have come true?

Rian goes to Naja about the maybe-murder, and they look around the parking lot. Turns out, the woman is staying in the motel’s “haunted room,” where murders have happened before. The man who stayed there wrote down “his intrusive thoughts” and then killed his family. Rian thinks the motel makes written stories come true.

Rian tells his agent that he can “take control of my story.” Katie finds evidence that her stalker is in the area and tells Naja about it. She runs into Rian, who asks her if anything weird is going on. They find a room with the killer’s stuff in it and then hide as the stalker pounds on the door. They both find their cars sabotaged, so they can’t leave. It’s not long before they wind up in bed together.

Rian decides to “write them out of this” and gets back to work. He writes the scene we already saw with the laundry guy getting killed. He also kills the other woman we’ve seen in a nearby room. Katie finds another note, along with a bloody brick. Rian and Katie find the murderer’s room, but it’s got more victims than Rian’s story, so he loses confidence that he’s the one really in charge. The story is now writing itself.

As Rian rants to Naja and ends up restraining her in the closet. The serial killer gets her shortly afterward. Katie looks at Rian’s computer and reads the story, which is all about her. Rian tries to explain the story-thing to Katie, and she thinks he’s insane.

Rian writes that the stalker catches and sedates Katie. He then writes that the hero, Rian, storms in and saves the day. In the real world, the stalker grabs and strangles Rian.

The killer has filled a bathtub full of his victims’ blood and wants Katie to soak in it. This goes badly for the killer.

Rian finishes typing his story, but then she injects him with the same sedative the stalker used. Then she sprays him with bear spray. He put her through a lot, and she wants revenge…

Brian’s Commentary

There’s some CGI gore that’s pretty cheap-looking, but otherwise, the characters and situations are interesting and well done. This was all shot in and around a cheap motel, so they didn’t spend much on sets, which was smart on their part.

It was definitely confusing in a few parts, but it all resolves well. I liked it.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was especially impressed with the clever script. Rian does his best to write and manage his story. But there are a lot of details and free will and things happening in the background of a book, and Rian finds out there’s no way to control it all.

All the other aspects of it got the job done. I thought it was an entertaining piece.

2026 Night Patrol

• Director: Ryan Prows

• Writers: Tim Cairo, Jake Gibson, Shaye Ogbonna, Ryan Prows

• Stars: Justin Long, Jermaine Fowler, RJ Cyler, Dermot Mulroney, Freddie Gibbs, CM Punk, YG, Flying Lotus, Jon Oswald, and Nicki Micheaux

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 43 Minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

An L.A. cop is hot to get on the special Night Patrol section, and when he does he finds out they are indeed very special. It takes a little too long to get to anything that’s supernatural or even really horror, but once it does it goes full tilt. We went into it blind, but there are plenty of hints that it’s a vampire movie starting with the fangs on the poster. It’s a unique take on the genre, dealing with class and race. We both thought it was on the long side with a weak start, but good overall.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man in a police interrogation room, and he’s got a knife stuck in his side. A cop walks in and makes him sign a paper before he can get medical attention.

We cut to the same guy on a bicycle, painted with “Cripboy” on the side, who meets a woman in a car under a bridge. He gives her a ring and says it was his mom’s. She doesn’t want to get too close to him because of his gang affiliation. Suddenly, a police car shows up behind them and makes them both get out of the car for a search. Ethan gets out of the back of the police car and executes the girl. The guy makes a run for it, but when the cops see his ring, they back off and let him go. Credits roll.

We cut to Ethan, in uniform, talking about being a cop and “bad apples” to a bunch of kids. Suddenly, a gang member comes into the room, shoots Ethan, and terrorizes the class. No– it’s all just part of the show; the “gang member” was his partner, Xavier Carr, in a mask. We follow along with them on a few runs. Xavier used to be a Crip, but now he’s a cop.

Ethan asks Carr about a bicycle with “Cripboy” painted on it, and it might be Carr’s brother. He calls his brother, Wazi, who is the guy who ran into trouble last night. Afterwards, Wazi goes to see Bornelius, another gang guy, to tell him about the cops shooting Bornelius’s sister, Primo. They’ve all heard about “The Night Patrol,” and what they do.

The group goes to the scene of the shooting and finds pieces of the dead girl. Bornelius says there’s demonic energy in this place. They all talk about various conspiracies.

Ethan tells Carr that he’s gotten into the Night Patrol, but they’re all white guys, so Carr isn’t going to be invited.

Wazi goes home and argues with his mother, who gets angry over the ring. He tells her about what happened to Primo last night. She knows all about Night Patrol, and they’re not good people.

We cut to Night Patrol, out executing black people. Carr talks about his whole family being Crips; his and Wazi’s mother is into all kinds of weird African Voodoo stuff, and Carr says she’s crazy. Ethan says his dad was Night Patrol and died because of it. Ethan wants answers, which is why he wanted into the Night Patrol.

Ethan goes off with the Night Patrol guy, Deputy, and he’s got lots of background on Ethan’s military experience. Sarge is in charge of the Night Patrol unit, and he wants Ethan in. He’s ordered Ethan to take Wazi’s brother’s bike home to him– and then shoot him. Wazi recognizes him as the cop who shot his girlfriend. Ethan comes out and tells the deputy that Wazi wasn’t home.

Ethan gets taken to see Sarge, who is the leader of Night Patrol– and also Ethan’s “dead” father. He’s been reborn, or so he says. Ethan knows his father is dead. He talks about “Death defeating Death.” Sarge cuts his own wrist and makes Ethan drink his blood. “Drink it and live forever.” Then Sarge shoots him four times.

Carr talks to his supervisor about getting into Night Patrol. He says he’s a better cop than Ethan, and it’s not fair. He’s told to “Prove it.” Carr gets a new partner, Rivetta, and he’s weird.

Wazi’s mother wants help fortifying the house against demons. The neighbors think she’s crazy, too. Wazi calls Carr about the murder he witnessed. At the meeting, Carr’s mother kills Rivetti, and her friends beat up Carr. Meanwhile, Bornelius’s group of Bloods arms up and gets ready for war.

Sarge gives a speech to the members of Night Patrol and wants them to show Ethan how it’s done. He commands dead-Ethan to “Rise. Learn how to use your gift.” Ethan then wakes up. Their plan is to clean up the whole Colonial Courts neighborhood. Bornelius comes to Wazi’s house and declares a cease-fire with his mother, Ayanda; they all want to beat the Night Patrol.

Carr wakes up and heads to Colonial Courts, meeting up with Ethan along the way. Ethan’s not feeling quite right, but goes along. The rest of the Night Patrol puts metal vampire-fangs into their mouths and start blasting. As they kill people, they drain them of blood and fill tanks with the stuff.

Ethan can’t help himself as he bites Carr on the neck and drinks his blood. Wazi sees all this, and Bornelius shoots Ethan in the back, but that doesn’t stop him. Wazi tells them that they’re dealing with vampires, not lizard people.

Deputy terrorizes the prisoners from the neighborhood.

Wazi and Bornelius are taken prisoner and taken to a bunker to be bled out. Ethan shows up and goes against Deputy. Wazi uses the opportunity to escape. Sarge talks to Ethan telepathically, and loses control of his own body. He’s forced to drink blood, but he’s soon staked through the heart. .

Ayanda explains the vampires to Bornelius and Wazi; this is an old African Zulu thing.

Ethan wakes up; the stake through the heart didn’t kill him. He goes to the tank of blood and gets supercharged.

Ayanda tells Wazi where to find her guided missiles before she dies, but all that’s in the box is a Zulu mask and spear. His ring glows green, so he decides to go with the Zulu magic.

Wazi comes out to fight the Night Patrol in full Zulu warrior outfit. He confronts Ethan, who decides to go full-evil at last. They fight, and it looks like it goes badly for Ethan.

We cut back to the interrogation room from the opening scene. Wazi’s been stabbed and needs help. He tells the captain about the vampires. The captain knows all about the vampires and takes him to Sarge. Wazi pulls out the dagger from his side and stabs Sarge in the head, causing him to explode. Now he’s gotta beat all the others…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s nearly an hour before anything supernatural is introduced. We went into this one blind, not even knowing what kind of monster we were dealing with.

It’s got lots of racial tension, gang tension, ACAV tension, and lots more. If you want “gangs vs vamps,” this is the movie for you.

Kevin’s Commentary

I liked that it was a unique take on vampires, tying it in with cops and the hood, class and racism. It took too long to get to the good stuff, and it started to feel long. Then the ending was abrupt, and it could have used more. I wish some of the beginning could have been trimmed back, and more action tacked on to the end.

2024 The Wailing

• Directed by: Pedro Martin-Calero

• Written by: Isabel Pena, Pedro Martin-Calero

• Stars: Ester Exposito, Mathilde Ollivier, Malena Villa

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 47 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In different times and locations, an invisible entity that only shows up on film stalks and torments several young women. It looks really good, with skilled acting and direction, but the story and explanation is a little lacking. It moves slowly, mostly steadily, and then ends kind of abruptly. Neither of us found it very satisfying.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open up to a woman at a party. She meets a guy there and they go to a dance club. As the strobes come, she has some kind of attack.

We cut to a small family having dinner. The oldest girl, Andrea, asks if there’s any news, and the father says no.

Andrea, 2022

Andrea’s in the middle of some Facetime sex with a boyfriend when the power goes out. On the way home from school, she hears someone crying, but there’s no one around on the street. Her boyfriend, Pau, is in Sydney and having a good time without her. She sends him a selfie, and he says he sees someone else in the room with her. She looks at the video, and there is someone there behind her. It’s just her father… maybe.

Andrea’s father talks to her about her adoption process back in 1999. They all live in Madrid, but she’s from Argentina, which displeases her. Also, her birth mother is dead. When Andrea researches her mother, Marie, she reads that she was a murderer who killed her friend Camila.

She looks at videos on her phone, and a lot of them have someone dark and shadowy standing in the background, just out of sight. Pau wants her to come visit, and they talk over a video call. She sees someone dark standing behind him in the video. This time, the figure comes out and beats Paul to death right on camera as she watches.

She tells her friends, but no one really believes the man who only exists on the camera is real. She starts sleeping with her camera on. We watch as the creepy man lays down next to her as she sleeps.

Two months pass, and her parents are concerned about her phone addiction problem. Andrea thinks there is something about her birth mother, Maria, that no one is telling her.

Walking home at night with her friends, they all heard the wailing in front of that same building. This time, she goes inside to investigate. Andrea sorta remembers this building from Argentina. Something bad happens in the dark, and Andrea gets locked inside with “the man.”

Camila, 1998

We cut to Camila in a film class, and she’s the smart one in the room. This is Camila, in La Plata, in 1998. She takes a bulky video camera out into the world to film “something real.” She sees an interesting-looking girl and follows her around for a while. The girl turns out to be Marie. The teacher doesn’t like the resulting video.

While out shooting, she hears a wailing cry near a familiar-looking building. She sneaks back to film Marie some more, and this time, she sees the same creepy bald man that we saw in Andrea’s video. He shows up again in several of the previous videos that she hadn’t noticed before.

Camila goes to the dance club looking for Maria and they soon become friends and spend the night together. Maria says she’s cursed and thinks she’s going crazy. Camila finds a used pregnancy test in the trash. Marie’s father talks about her mother to Camila; crazy seems to run in the family, but he won’t get specific.

Camila shows the videos to Maria, and she doesn’t know anything about the creepy old man. Suddenly, something invisible kills Camila and starts fondling Marie, just like in the video.

Marie

Marie, still in shock over all that, runs off, leaves her mother to find Camila’s body. She tells her father about the old man in the film, and maybe he’s the one who made her own mother crazy. He explains that no, her mother killed herself.

She goes to that same abandoned building and breaks in. The place is empty, but she still hears crying. The place seems to be full of crying ghosts, including her mother. The old man appears and then throws her out, where she’s arrested for murder…

Back in 2022, Lisbeth, Marie’s sister. Gets a call about Andrea from Andrea’s mother that “it’s happening again.”

Lisbeth 2023

The story continues, but the film does not.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s really slow moving, but it continually ramps up the mystery. Who is this weird old man and why does he keep showing up on video?

It’s well made, and the locations are interesting, but there’s not much here, plotwise, that we haven’t seen before, and it’s just way too sluggish.

And then it all just kinda ends. We don’t know who the old man is, why this is happening, and why that family gets to suffer.

Kevin’s Commentary

So, there’s a strange old man who is invisible and only shows up on video. But he can abruptly kill people and move things in the physical world because… We’re never told who he is or why he is and there’s nothing that could be done against him. Perhaps he’s supposed to be a metaphor for grief and madness or something but I didn’t pick up on that.

It’s a well made, well acted, well directed movie that failed to connect with me or impress.

1995 Ice Cream Man

• Directed by: Norman Apstein

• Written by: David Dobkin and Sven Davison

• Stars: Clint Howard, Justin Isfeld, and Anndi McAfee

• Run Time: 1h 26m

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Little Gregory is institutionalized after seeing an ice cream man killed in front of him. So, when he grows up and gets out, he becomes an ice cream man himself. And despite being out, he’s not at all sane. It’s weird and over the top. There is a body count and some horror for sure, but it’s oddly paced and dated. Brian was substantially more entertained by it than Kevin was.

Spoilery Synopsis

We start in black-and-white times, as a car pulls up and the man inside shoots the ice cream man in front of a bunch of children, including little Gregory. “Who’s going to sell me ice cream, Mommy?” he asks. Credits roll.

In the modern day, the ice cream man comes to the neighborhood, and it’s Gregory, all grown up. He growls at the children and makes them say “Please.” His ice cream has bugs in it.

Small Paul is reading about the Pied Piper, and that’s probably not going to be relevant later. Gregory watches a man spearing trash in the park and flashes back to his own treatment at the asylum. He then kidnaps little Roger and kills a dog. Johnny’s mother gets a call about Roger’s disappearance.

Gregory lives with Nurse Wharton, who is his caretaker. The police ask him about the missing child. We see that Gregory makes his own ice cream, using chopped-up children as ingredients.

Heather goes home and watches her reverend father get his mother to speak in tongues. Small Paul goes to the ice cream truck alone, and Gregory is weird. As Gregory grabs Paul and loads him into the truck, Tuna sees it all. Hiding, Tuna comes across Roger, who escaped from Gregory.

Tuna starts seeing Gregory everywhere and knows he’s being followed. Tuna finally convinces his mother that he’s seen something, and the police soon show up to search Gregory’s place– with an axe. They tear the place up extremely thoroughly, but they don’t find anything at all. Detective Gifford still thinks Gregory is involved, even without evidence.

Gregory has Small Paul hidden in a secret room, but he hasn’t hurt him. He talks to him and gives him butter brickle. Tuna, Johnny, and Heather pledge to bring Gregory to justice, but they’re just kids, so that’s gonna be hard. They follow him to the cemetery, where he disposes of a body. The police also follow him there. No, it’s not a body, it’s ice cream that he’s putting on the grave of the Ice Cream King, the man we saw gunned down in the opening scene.

Tuna and Johnny shoot at the cops, who pick them up and take them home. Heather takes some photos, and we get a great scene as she takes them to a place to get developed (how archaic!). Meanwhile, Gregory shows Small Paul how to make ice cream.

The police go to the asylum and learn that Gregory was Nurse Wharton’s favorite patient. They see all kinds of weirdness in the hospital. It’s a great place to be institutionalized.

Gregory grabs Tuna off the street and locks him in the truck’s cooler. “You’re ice cream!” he snarls. Johnny’s older brother Jacob wants to be a cop, and he has a gun. Gregory kills Jacob’s girlfriend, “Now that’s what I call brain freeze.” Johnny and Heather hide, but they end up getting a “puppet show” from Gregory using two dead cops’ heads.

The kids run to Nurse Wharton’s house to hide, and she lets them inside. She turns them over to Gregory right away. Small Paul pretends to be the Ice Cream King and lures Gregory inside the gigantic, oversized nut-chopping machine that chews him up good.

The next morning, the police are all over the place, and Nurse Wharton is still looking for her dog. The kids have invited Roger to join their group, but Small Paul has gone to therapy. He’s going to be the next Ice Cream Man…

Brian’s Commentary

This is a weird one, full of odd choices and goofiness.

It’s got really cheesy dialogue and funky acting, but it’s also got a lot of recognizable faces doing small cameos, and everything looks purposefully over the top. It’s oddly paced and feels a little out of date and slow.

It’s clearly making fun of horror movies, but it’s not a straight-up comedy. It’s like all the humor is derived from just how ridiculous this all is, rather than specific jokes.

It’s a little unusual, and it does have problems, but I was also very entertained.

Kevin’s Commentary

Everything about the movie is strange. And I’d go as far as saying it’s interesting. Clint Howard is a hoot, and there are a lot of recognizable faces. But I was a little bored and not very entertained. Though I did appreciate how horribly funny it was when he was using the cops heads as puppets.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Death Name

• Director: Réi Talas

• Writers: Réi Talas and Regina Kim

• Stars: Amy Keum, Kevin Woo, and Vana Kim

• Runtime: 81 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A young woman of Korean descent tries exploring her family history and accidentally awakens a family curse that followed her grandma to America. It is slow-moving and talky with some suspense and story that builds to a climax. But it’s low on scares, and neither of us were very impressed with it. It’s just middling in pretty much every way.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on an old news report of General Eisenhower and the Korean War. A pregnant woman hides in the closet as a strange man in a hat walks in to find a woman hanging from the ceiling. The man in the hat finds the woman in the closet, and she screams. Credits roll as we see Korean immigrants coming to America.

It’s Sophie’s first day of university, and all the good classes have been taken. She asks her mother why they never bothered teaching her Korean, and she doesn’t even have a Korean name. It’s something her grandma wanted. Grandma overhears part of the phone conversation and freaks out. Her father texts her that she was, in fact, given a Korean name, but there was a fight over it. She wants to know her name, and he sends it to her, in Korean text, which makes her phone blink with static.

Brian, Kwan, and Ari meet Sophie in class, and they’re all friendly. Professor Lee runs the Korean History class. Some of the students want to be called by their Korean names. She asks them for help translating her Korean Name, since she can’t read Korean. When Kwan tries, the power goes out.

Sophie goes home on a break and eats with the family. Grandma is especially interesting, asking the same question repeatedly– she must have some dementia. She mentions thinking about going by her Korean name now, and Grandma insists that she doesn’t have a Korean name– excitedly. Sophie’s parents explain about some of Grandma’s history– her great-grandmother killed herself, which was a big scandal in Korea. Grandma says there’s more to it than that; she’s been trying to protect the whole family from the family curse. “Don’t speak that name!”

Sophie goes to a nearby bar and meets Jun, a single guy from Korea. He tells her that it’s never too late to learn Korean. They talk a lot, and he walks her home for a kiss. Later, Ari says Sophie isn’t a real Korean; it’s just trendy for her– she’s been whitewashed.

Sophie and Jun have another date, and he admits that he’s got baggage too. Something keeps dripping through the ceiling in Sophie’s dorm room.

On the next break, Sophie takes Jun home to meet her parents. Her parents are normal, but Grandma’s taken a turn for the worse. Jun has brought a gift from Seoul for Grandma, and when she sees it, she screams. It’s pearls– no, it’s berries. She calls him an evil spirit.

As they talk later, Sophie tells him her Korean name, Park Joo-Hyun. This leads to kissing and sex for some reason. Later, she hears voices calling that name. All her photos of Jun are blurry, but only on his face. Is he real?

Sophie gets a flashback to her great-grandmother and the man in the big hat, who has a melted face. When his face is intact, he looks like Jun. Sophie gets a call from her parents; she needs to drive home and check on Grandma. Turns out, Grandma is right there on campus to warn Sophie about the curse. Sophie drives Grandma home, which is a mess.

Grandma tells the story about her mother, the man in the hat, and Sophie’s new boyfriend, who knows her Korean name. One of her ancestors caused Jun to kill himself and become a ghost. We see that opening scene again, with more detail this time. She moved to the USA and took a new name; he couldn’t find them under a different name. Now, with Sophie speaking her true name out loud, the ghost has found them.

Sophie has to go out to pick up more of Grandma’s medication, and leaves her home alone. When she gets home, Grandma is unconscious on the floor. At the hospital, she sees Jun in the room, and he’s angry. He wants Sophie to be his bride in the afterlife, and she volunteers. She wants 48 hours to tie up loose ends before going with him, and he agrees to the terms.

Sophie talks to Professor Lee about some old family tree documents she needs to translate. Back in 1902, Jun committed suicide, and the family had his name cut out of the records. Sophie then runs to the Korean records library, which is closed for construction, and breaks right in. Ari follows her to see what’s going on and helps translate what they find.

Ari says Sophie’s name, and the ghost finds them immediately. Jun lets Sophie choose the manner of her death, and she chooses poison. Ari helped her find the ghosts’ true name, and she says it aloud. Suddenly, Grandma jumps out of bed, and Sophie accidentally cuts her throat. Jun the ghost vanishes.

Later, Sophie rubs her belly. She’s got Jun’s baby inside there…

Brian’s Commentary

If you don’t like this movie, you’re not a real Korean. OK, maybe you are, I dunno. A lot of the film seems to revolve around what a “real” Korean is versus a second- or third-generation immigrant.

I suspect the doctors are going to suspect foul play when they find Grandma’s throat cut in her hospital room.

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t find it particularly compelling at all. The backstory of the curse, the deaths, none of it was particularly interesting.

Meh.

Kevin’s Commentary

There’s a lot of talk and not a lot of scare here. The Korean culture things were kind of interesting. The whole movie was kind of interesting, but I wouldn’t go much further than that.

I’d call it just okay over all.

2026 Cold Storage

• Director: Jonny Campbell

• Writers: David Koepp

• Stars: Georgina Campbell, Joe Keery, and Liam Neeson

• Runtime: 99 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A semi-retired bioterrorism agent gets called back into action with his sidekick when a deadly fungus gets on the loose. Throw a couple of civilians into the mix, and hilarity ensues. This one has lots of humor and body horror. It’s juicy and gross.

Everything was well done, and it’s entertaining, but it’s not super original. There’s a lot here we’d seen before.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told about Skylab and the debris that mostly burned up in orbit. Some of it hit the Earth.

In Western Australia, 18 years ago, Enos rushes to make a phone call. Dr. Martins in Rome gets the call. “Something came out of your tank! We’re all dying!” The tank is NASA’s, and she doesn’t know much about it. 27 hours later, she arrives there to investigate. Robert Quinn arrives on the scene with Romano; they’re military of some sort. There was an O2 tank from Skylab that fell down here, but it had a parasitic fungus on it. We sent it up there in the first place, but what came down wasn’t the same thing.

The three check out the small town where the “outbreak” has taken place. There are no people. They soon find the tank and check it out. Dr. Martins quickly figured out what happened. Someone was trying to clean the tank and accidentally fed the thing inside. The creature finds its way into her through a hole in her boot. Then they find all the townspeople on the roofs of the buildings, dead.

Quinn calls in the military to burn the town to the ground. Martins has one sample in her bag and another in her foot. It acts really fast and takes over her mind. She shoots herself. As credits roll, the town is destroyed and the sample is taken to a secret research facility where it’s put into Cold Storage.

Years pass, and the facility shuts down and is eventually sold. Teacake drives to the new self-storage facility, which is the re-tasked cold storage place from before. He works security there, and his boss, Griffin, wants to do something illegal. He talks to Naomi, a new employee about how awful this job is.

An old woman comes in and wants to access her unit. She goes into the unit and finds her gun; this is her anniversary, and she’s thinking of shooting herself. She takes a nap first.

In North Carolina, Robert Quinn gets a phone call about the sample. There’s an alarm about a temperature change at the storage facility. He’s soon on the way to the facility.

Teacake and Naomi hear a beeping inside the wall and want to investigate. They break open the wall and see the same alarm that Quinn was notified about. There’s a whole wall of control-panel stuff back there. Naomi wants to explore the place’s sub-sub-basement, where the lab is. It takes a while, but they get there.

Naomi’s crazy boyfriend Mike drives up outside, and he’s more or less a stalker now. He calls her, but she doesn’t get the message due to being so far underground. Also, he’s got someone dead in the trunk of his car. It’s not a body, it’s a cat who appears to be infected. It climbs to the roof and explodes a load of spores that infect Mike, a deer, and gets the ball rolling.

Naomi and Teacup open the vault and go inside. They find an infected “rat king” on the ground. They nope right out and head back upstairs.

Quinn talks to Abigail and Jerabek, who explains that the man in charge of the cold storage unit died a year and a half ago. Jerabek is in charge now, but he doesn’t believe there’s any real problem here. Abigail takes it more seriously and wants to help Quinn.

We get a flashback to several years ago as the fungus broke out. It infected a cockroach just a few hours ago that got outside and into Mike’s trunk and the dead cat. Meanwhile, Naomi and Teacup watch the infected deer, which explodes. Mike shows up, and he’s acting very strangely. He starts shooting, which wakes up old Mrs. Rooney, who was asleep in her unit. Naomi calls the government agency whose name was on the vault door.

Quinn lands and meets with Romano, from the old days, and they have equipment to pick up. They get Naomi’s call. Naomi and Teacup argue about whether or not zombies are real. Outside, Quinn’s criminal friends arrive to steal stuff. They come upon the deer carcass and the hole in the wall. Ironhead, The Rev, Garbage, Cuba, and Dr. Friedman come inside to loot 4K TVs.

Mike finds and pukes all over Cuba, Garbage, and Ironhead. The Rev hears the action and just drives away. Old lady Rooney shoots Mike in the head, causing him to explode.

Teacup and Naomi get outside and run into Quinn, who has a mini-nuke. He gives the young couple hazmat suits and sends them down to the lab to place the nuke. Quinn stays outside to kill anyone who tries to leave the building. When they get down to the lab, they find that the timer is already counting down. Can they make it out in time?

Teacup, Naomi, Quinn, and Romano limp to the car and try to get away from the blast.

The bomb goes off, and it’s a BIG one. It turns the whole facility into a mile-wide crater.

Some time passes, and Abigail visits Quinn in the hospital. Naomi and Teacup are a thing now.

We then cut to another deer in the wild that explodes into green stuff.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s got loads of fairly big stars and recognizable faces in it. It takes zombie action, contagion action, and a little “Die Hard” action and mixes it all up with fun characters and a crazy setting. There’s not much new here, but it combines old tropes into a fun mix.

It’s billed as a horror comedy, but it didn’t seem all that comedic to me. It was good, though.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought the casting was especially good in this one. It’s well made, but a bit formulaic. Everything is well done, but I didn’t feel like there was a lot new here that I hadn’t already seen before. It was entertaining though.

2013 Stranded

• Director: Roger Christian

• Writers: Roger Christian, Christian Piers Betley

• Stars: Christian Slater, Brendan Fehr, Amy Matysio, Michael Therriault

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Four astronaut miners on a moon base get clobbered by meteors. Which would be bad enough by itself, but the meteors bring an alien lifeform that dials the peril and body horror up high. Miscommunication and bad choices help move the somewhat predictable plot along, but the effects are good, as is the acting. The sum total is a pretty good movie that Kevin was more entertained by than Brian.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on the moonbase ARK, with four crew. It’s day 187 of the one-year mission. There’s an incoming meteor storm, and it blasts the base. The rocks keep falling, and there’s lots of damage. Commander Gerard Brockman wants to evacuate back to Earth, but suddenly, a meteor hits them right in the control room. Credits roll.

They all work on damage control for a while. Ava Cameron goes into a damaged section to seal a leak, and she finds a piece of a meteor embedded in a machine. That goes badly, but she does bring a piece of the meteor back to the inhabitable area; it’s got an unusual spore on it.

It’s going to be several days before an evacuation ship arrives, so they have to patch up whatever’s left. The spore starts growing, and it’s obviously of alien origin. Ava works with the spore, and she’s got a cut on her hand, so we know where this is heading now. She almost immediately starts feeling weird but doesn’t tell anyone.

Bruce and Lance find her and examine her; she’s suddenly very pregnant. They put her into a very loose kind of isolation. The thing inside her grows very fast, and she has nightmares. Then the real thing comes out, and it’s even worse. This brings about lots of arguing about what to do next.

Ava wakes up to find some kind of monstrous baby feeding from her, and she doesn’t react well. It bites Bruce and runs off. Lance insists that Bruce and Ava are hallucinating from the bad air in the place. Bruce starts hallucinating that he’s infected as well after the bite. We see the creature growing and mutating into something fully grown and humanoid; it looks like Bruce, only naked and slimy.

Bruce keeps imagining seeing the alien creature, but no one believes him. He unties Ava from the “quarantine” room and lets her out. Gerard finds out and sedates her, but not before she stabs him with a scalpel. Meanwhile, the alien doppelganger kills Bruce, makes it look like a suicide, and steals his clothes.

Lance finds Bruce’s body at the same time Gerard is attacked… by Bruce. They have no choice but to release Ava to help them find the alien. The alien then traps Lance in an airlock and he gets blasted out on a very slow timer.

Gerard and Ava decide that now that there’s only the two of them that they can take the escape pod. This requires all manner of running around and packing supplies.

Soon, there’s a big three-way brawl, and the alien gets in the escape pod, launching in one minute. Can they stop it? No– the rocket blasts off toward Earth.

With only 17 minutes left to live, the escape shuttle arrives. Can they run to the shuttle with no air for three-and-a-half minutes?

We cut to Earth, where the escape pod has landed. There’s no one inside and no tracks. Not far away, the creature is mutating again…

Brian’s Commentary

These may be the dumbest space-people who ever lived. None of them know what “quarantine” means. They know there’s something alive on the base, but they all keep pretending it isn’t. Ava gets infected by an alien spore and doesn’t report it at all.

The acting is fine, the sets are good, and the creature effects are effective. The overall plot, however, requires all the characters to make every stupid decision in the book. It’s pretty predictable and more than a little dull after it gets going.

Kevin’s Commentary

It starts right out with the meteor clobbering and doesn’t let up with one damn thing after another.

For a group of astronauts isolated on a base who would have been highly vetted and trained, they don’t communicate well, and they make some dumb decisions.

The pluses outweighed the negatives overall though, and I was more entertained than not.

1986 Monster Dog

• Director: Claudio Fragasso

• Writers: Claudio Fragasso

• Stars: Alice Cooper, Victoria Vera, Carlos Santurio

• Runtime: 84 min

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A rocker returns to his hometown with his crew to shoot a music video, and they find a town infested with killer dogs. But there are supernatural forces at work, and they aren’t just ordinary doggies. It’s not awful, but there’s nothing really noteworthy either. It’s generic and pretty forgettable.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Vincent Raven making a music video. He sounds and looks a lot like Alice Cooper. We get most of a whole music video with him, then we cut to later, while he’s in a van with Sandra, talking about how terrible it was. He wants to make something more original. They’re all heading back to his ancestral home; he hasn’t been home in decades.

Meanwhile, at the big house, the caretaker investigates some strange noises. It sounds like a dog has gotten into the house. Turns out, it’s a whole bunch of snarling, growling dogs. In the van, Vince and his friends talk about hearing about the wild dog problem in the area. Vince and the sheriff have a weird history. The sheriff warns him about the dogs– there have already been five deaths to those dogs. Back in the day, something happened with Vince’s father, and the locals remember the incident. As soon as Vince’s group leaves, the sheriff and deputy are killed by a nasty-looking dog.

Vince hits a dog with his car, and they all stop to help. Vince finishes the dog off with a blow to the head. A creepy old man comes out and says, “Now you’ve done it. Now he’s back at last. He will command the hounds, and all of you will die!” He’s fun. Vince and Sandra get a glimpse of the monster in the woods.

The group arrives at Vince’s family home, but old Joss, the caretaker, is nowhere to be found. Vince grabs a shotgun and investigates the upper levels of the house. Angela senses that they’re all in danger and horrible things are about to happen. She has a weird nightmare where she sees Vince as a werewolf who kills all of them. When she tells Vince about it, he doesn’t laugh.

Vince pulls out a big book about werewolves and explains to Sandra that it’s related to some kind of heart condition and that werewolves do exist. His own father was accused of being a werewolf; he would go out under the full moon and kill animals. The locals eventually caught and killed Vince’s father.

In the morning, the group sets about getting started filming their music video, the reason they came here. We soon get a second musical number (This is better than the first one). Suddenly, in the middle of the song, they find the caretaker’s body.

Angela wanders off into the countryside, and Vince goes looking for her. At the same time, a group of locals cut the phone lines and talk about killing Vince. They want in the house to wait for Vince, but Sandra doesn’t like their looks. Frank and Jordan invite the group inside for beers which turns into a mistake almost instantly.

Lou, the leader of the troublemakers, explains that Vince is a werewolf, and he intends to kill him. Lou explains what really happened with Vince’s father, and he’s convinced that it wasn’t a mistake. Vince controls and commands all the wild dogs in the area; that’s his special power.

Vince and Angela return to the house, and Lou shoots Angela dead by accident. The men play hide-and-seek with Vince and shotguns. Meanwhile, the pack of wild dogs arrives outside. Vince eventually shoots all the bad guys, but by this time, the dogs are inside the house.

The dogs tear up Frank and Jordan, but suddenly go away, as if they’ve been called. The big dog wants in, and he’s going to break in the door. Yep, it’s the werewolf, and the dogs obey him. Things get hectic, quickly.

Soon, it’s just Sandra and Marylou locked in a room as the werewolf tries to get them. Vince shows up, and the werewolf vanishes. Marylou puts two and two together and decides that Vince is the monster; where was he during all the attacks? Vince definitely has a calming presence on the wild dogs, who sit and whimper when he’s around.

The group runs out to Lou’s car after retrieving the keys and drives off. They don’t notice right away that Marylou is dead and the monster dog is in the backseat. Sandra jumps out the door, and Vince crashes the car.

Sandra goes to the crash scene, but doesn’t find Vince or the monster. The creepy old man shows up, apparently a minion of the werewolf, saying “We have a new king!” before dying.

Sandra finds Vince, and he warns her to stay away. He is a werewolf, at least now. He wants her to shoot him. As he turns into a werewolf, the monster dog comes out of the bushes. She shoots Vince, and everything gets calm immediately.

We get the opening musical number again, this time overlaid over a retrospective of scenes from the rest of the movie.

Brian’s Commentary

The dubbing is really poor here, and it detracts from all the performances. The story is pretty formulaic, and the film is very low-budget.

They used a bunch of real dogs for this, but the werewolf is basically a mask in the dark or a mask in the fog; we never get much of a look at it. The monster dog, which isn’t the werewolf, is a big puppet.

Overall, it’s a very generic 80s international horror film.

Kevin’s Commentary

The old man is the least subtle harbinger ever; he was awesome.

It’s said that no one did their own dubbing in the film, and the only time we hear Alice Cooper’s real voice is during the musical numbers. It’s strange seeing him just being a normal looking and acting guy when we usually see him being freaky and made-up on stage. But it would have been better with their own voices or at least better dubbing.

I had never even heard of this movie before. And I can see why. It wasn’t too bad, but it was very bland and forgettable.

2018 Godzilla: The Planet Eater

• Director: Kōbun Shizuno, Hiroyuki Seshita

• Writers: Gen Urobuchi

• Stars: Mamoru Miyano, Takahiro Sakurai, Tomokazu Sugita, Yūki Kaji

• Runtime: 91 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is the third in the anime trilogy of a fully science fiction Godzilla movie set in the future. This one has much less action than the second movie, and a lot more talk about philosophy and religion. We thought it was okay, on the weak side for a finish.

Spoilery Synopsis

Metphies narrates about how the Exif have been watching humanity since long before Godzilla appeared. He talks about humanity’s need for heroes, religion, and God. He thinks the hero that humanity needs is Haruo Sakaki. Credits roll.

Martin talks about Godzilla and the other monsters’ origins. Maybe humanity’s whole purpose all along was to create the monsters. There’s arguing between the Bilusaludo and human leaders. After the previous battle, Yuko is now brain-dead, but not completely dead. Some of the humans have come to the conclusion that Sakaki is being divinely guided somehow. God is watching over them all, and he might be speaking through Sakaki.

Martin points out that the Hauta treatment that Sakaki got was what saved him from the nanometal. Metphies is fully aware of this, but he promotes the religious ideas of the others anyway. Metphies’ god is supposedly capable of beating Godzilla. Metphies explains that only Sakaki can summon their god to Earth– by using his hatred.

Up in orbit, Dolu-Do and the Bilusaludo revolt and take over the mothership by force. They want Sakaki’s head, so Sakaki has to go into hiding, and Maina, one of the Hauta twins, offers to help. Meanwhile, Metphies uses the religious crystal thing he had repaired in the previous film to send a signal into space.

Metphies and Miana discuss their telepathic abilities. He then does something bad to her. Maina, the twin, senses that something has happened to her sister. The Exifs, on the planet and on the spaceship, hold rituals, and all the human followers call upon their god, named Ghidorah, to come to them.

Ghidorah hears and arrives quickly, killing the human followers one at a time. Yeah, it’s that Ghidorah, coming through a black hole that suddenly appears. It surrounds the mothership and pulls it toward the black hole; time gets messed up and the whole ship explodes spectacularly.

Sakaki quickly comes to the conclusion that Metphies is crazy and has sold them out. As the disturbance from space reaches the planet, Godzilla wakes up again and heads toward the trouble. Godzilla blasts it with atomic breath, but it bends the ray away with his gravitational field. The human’s machines don’t pick up the new monster at all; is it real? Does it not have a physical form? All three of the glowing yellow monster snakes grab onto Godzilla.

Sakaki confronts Metphies, who explains everything. The Exifs have travelled around the universe, choosing planets for Ghidorah to eat, like the Silver Surfer and Galactus. They all basically have a death wish for the entire universe. As he rambles on, Godzilla’s body temperature goes up, but the energy is going somewhere else. Sakaki gets a vision of the people who have died fighting Godzilla.

Meanwhile Miana grabs Professor Martin and takes him to the Hauta’s base. They talk to the Great Egg inside. After about a month’s worth of exposition, Sakaki turns against Metphies and smashes his magic eye.

Suddenly, Godzilla is able to physically touch Ghidorah, and the big yellow monster is now visible on the humans’ sensor. Godzilla then, quite easily, defeats the three-headed monster from space. Metphies dies, and Sakaki cries.

The human survivors go to live with the Hauta and learn their natural ways. Professor starts the nuclear reactor on a crashed vulture. He can use the nanotechnology to rebuild civilization, which Sakaki realizes is the pathway to destruction, just as before. He takes Yuki’s body and steals the vulture. He flies into Godzilla.

Brian’s Commentary

This is the third of the anime trilogy. The appearance of Ghidorah is treated like a big reveal, but he’s right there on the movie poster, so that wasn’t a shock. Mothra never really did make an appearance other than a sort of telepathic messenger.

This one is very talkie, with Metphies’s explanation seemingly going on for an hour. Still, the series overall has a lot going on, with many details and interesting ideas. I guess at the end, they all learn to live with Godzilla, which is weird.

I liked the first two films of the trilogy a lot, but this one was just slow moving, too philosophical/religious, and not that much actually happened beyond all the talking. It was a weak ending to a trilogy that started out pretty great. Overall, I still liked the trilogy, but the ending really brought it down a lot.

Kevin’s Commentary

Summoning an even bigger and worse monster to fight Godzilla. What could go wrong?

I didn’t care for the first movie that much. I thought the second one was really good. So I thought the third would be even better! It’s not. There’s too much talk and not enough action. The animation is still cool and equal in quality, but the script isn’t nearly as entertaining. It wasn’t a strong finish to the trilogy.

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2026 Bone Keeper

• Director: Howard J. Ford

• Writers: Howard J. Ford

• Stars: Sarah Alexandra Marks, Louis James, Tiffany Hannam-Daniels, and John Rhys-Davies

• Runtime: 96 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of seven young folks explore a cave infested with creatures that arrived thousands of years ago by meteor. As you might guess, it goes badly for them. The basics are laid out right away.

The effects look very good and it was entertaining. We both enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We watch a meteorite crashing down as credits roll. Whatever it is, it’s got tentacles and slithers into a cave. It’s 400,000 years ago, and the cavepeople of the time fear it since it eats them.

In 1976, a woman narrates about her grandfather, a journalist, who went exploring in a cave. He sees cave paintings and skeletal remains. Then the monster gets him.

In the present day. Professor Harrison looks depressed. “I’ve killed him. I killed her, too,” he yells.

Olivia and Annabelle want to go search for her mother, who has gone missing while investigating the grandfather’s disappearance; the police aren’t doing enough.

They, and their friends, a group of monster hunters, head to the remote location and pick up Ashley, a travel blogger. They’re off to find the “Bone Keeper.” With the addition of Ashley, the trip just got a lot less scientific. Ethan, Nick, and Ravi plan to find the monster, and maybe get lucky with the girls in the process.

The group goes to the local pub, and everyone watches them as they come in. They look at all the “Missing Persons” posters on the wall. They’re here to meet Professor Harrison, and the locals are strangely hostile.

Harrison knew Olivia’s father, and he warns them not to go into the caves. Everyone who has ever gone in there has… stayed in there. He really doesn’t want to tell them which cave has the monster; too many people have died. He even has Olivia’s grandfather’s film footage of what happened in the cave. He even thinks the monster is an ancient alien.

The next morning, the seven characters go to the cave that Harrison told them about. They climb, crawl, and do all the usual cave-explorer-y things. They find some slime, and Ravi looks at it in the microscope he’s apparently carried into the cave with him. Ashley stays behind to film some vlogging stuff and the monster grabs her. For some reason, the others can’t hear her screaming as it rips her apart.

The others find some hair with a bit of skull attached, so they know someone has died in this cave. Nick goes looking for Ashley, but he finds what killed her instead.

Ravi and Nadia actually see one of the tentacles and get all excited. When it grabs and kills Nadia, they get even more excited.

Ravi catches up with the others and reports what he saw. There’s a whole nest of the alien creatures down here. They find a huge mound of slowly digesting merging melted bodies, including Olivia’s mother.

They decide it might be a good time to head for the exit, but now they’re lost. They find the exit, and Ethan even gets a few photos of what’s left of Nick still crawling around.

Outside now, Olivia, Annabelle, and Ethan tend to Ravi’s severe wounds. “It gets inside you. It becomes you,” Ravi rants. Ethan calls Harrison and sends him all the footage he’s taken.

The tentacle-monster attacks the girls in the campsite, outside, and Ethan runs to help. It drags Ethan and Ravi back down into the cave. When Olivia and Annabelle see just how big the thing is, they run for the road, but Annabelle is grabbed next.

Olivia hears her mother singing and prepares to go back inside. She goes through all the caves, back to the big digesting mess, and retrieves her mother’s necklace.

Outside, Harrison and the military show up and plant explosives at the cave entrance. They shoot at the many monsters inside and find Olivia, still alive. Then they blow up the cave entrance.

Six months later, Olivia wakes up in the hospital, and the doctor says she’s pregnant. They do an ultrasound, and it’s a little baby tentacle monster. Nope-just a nightmare. She’s with the soldiers and Harrison, who says blowing up the caves may not be the end of the creatures.

Naturally, for the final shot, we see that it’s definitely not over.

Brian’s Commentary

None of these people are spelunkers or regular cave explorers, and yet none of them are claustrophobic or terrified by the caves alone.

Despite being specifically warned to stick together, the group continually splits up so that one person can die at a time. One after another, they die, and no one else ever seems to hear the screams. That’s nowhere near as stupid as Olivia going back inside the cave after seeing what the creature really is.

The creatures are pure CGI, but they are really well done. We see more of them than I expected we would, and they all look good. John Rhys-Davies is too old to be climbing around in caves, but he still has a significant amount of screen time here.

Other than the stupid choices the characters made, the film is really very good!

Kevin’s Commentary

One point that deeply troubled me was the way there would be attacks and rock collapses causing much commotion, and the others who were not that far away in the cave heard absolutely nothing or very little.

That aside, the story is basic but pretty effective I thought. The creature and gore effects look really good, slimy and creepy. The cast does a nice job with it. There’s some issues here and there, but all in all I’d call it a win. I was very entertained.

2026 Dead Lover

• Director: Grace Glowicki

• Writers: Grace Glowicki, Ben Petrie

• Stars: Grace Glowicki, Ben Petrie, Leah Doz, Lowen Morrow

• Runtime: 83 minutes (1 hr 23 mins)

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A lonely and smelly gravedigger laments she can’t find love, then finds a man who adores her just as she is. And when she loses him, she goes to extremes to bring him back from the dead. This was a fun story with lots of chuckles and some real horror at the core. It’s unique, with the look of a stage play, and we both really enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that this is done with “Stink-O-Vision,” where a number appears on the screen at various points, and we’re supposed to scratch-n-sniff at various times.

A strange-looking woman plants seeds as credits roll. She’s a grave digger and doesn’t smell very good. She’s trying to make a perfume to hide the smell of death on her. She tries to seduce the priest at a funeral; her perfume doesn’t work. When no one shows up for the funeral, the gravedigger tells us all about the too-generic dead woman.

Three old women with big hair talk about the gravedigger and the dead opera singer. We cut to the funeral and the woman’s weird funeral guests. The opera singer’s brother runs off in anguish and is attacked by a wild wolf, but the gravedigger saves him. He smells her and doesn’t hate it; could it be the smell of the wolf’s blood that makes her attractive to him?

The two go for a wash in the ocean, and he “wants to lick your stink. I want to shower in your rot, the feast on your fetid funk. I want to pick up a piece of your poo and eat it like a banana.” (Which Kevin notes might be his favorite monologue and following sex scene ever.) He might be a little weird, but then she has sex with him while holding her shovel.

The two get very close and talk about their needs and dreams. He leaves her because he can’t have children; he goes overseas for an operation to possibly fix that. His postcards are quite descriptive. In the meantime, she works on growing a rosebush to make her smell better; he loves her because of the stink. On the way home, he’s lost at sea, all but his finger. Some foreign fishermen find the finger and bring it to the gravedigger.

We-have-Johnny-Depp-at-home lights his opium pipe, and dreams of the dead opera singer, his wife.

The gravedigger gets the finger returned to her, but she’s not really willing to let her dead lover go. She thinks about the flowers and fertilizer; can she re-grow him? She starts catching lizards and stealing their regeneration-juice. She injects the finger with lizard-elixir and creates a whole Frankenstein’s Lab setup to bring him back. It works– sorta. The finger comes to life and grows… into a very long finger.

What can a lonely woman do when her lover is only one long finger? Well, yeah, that.

The finger wants a body, and the gravedigger is well-equipped to get one. How about the dead man’s sister, the opera singer? She grafts on the special finger to the dead woman’s corpse and zaps it with lightning power.

The opera star with the very long finger doesn’t look too happy to be alive at this point. She likes the lizards more than the gravedigger. The three tall-haired women go to the Dollar-Store-Depp and tell him that the gravedigger has dug up his dead wife; they also tell the priest. He goes to the gravedigger’s house and sees his undead wife there. They fight, sword vs shovel, and shovel wins.

The opera star’s husband takes the gravedigger hostage as the opera star hooks up with a blind fisherman. The gravedigger gets out of her restraints and runs off into the night. The priest, the tall-haired women, and the foreign fishermen all come after the gravedigger as an angry mob. She makes a stink that knocks the priest right out. The widower also comes to her defense and kills the tall-haired women, the foreign fishermen, and the priest.

The gravedigger finds the opera star with the long finger and realizes she’s been cheating on her with the dead, blind fisherman. The opera star gives her the finger, fatally.

The opera star makes her own dead-finger creation and lives happily ever after.

Brian’s Commentary

Note that we didn’t have a Stink-O-Vision card, so the whole Stink-O-Vision didn’t do much for us. I did fart a time or two, and that livened up the show, albeit only briefly and without much variety of scent.

There’s only a cast of four actors who play all the various characters. The sets and lighting are all very plain, giving it a very stage-play look. It’s very obviously made with a super low budget, but they still use a lot of interesting camera shots and lighting to make it visually interesting. The dialogue is ridiculous and perfect at the same time.

I wasn’t expecting much from the trailer, but it’s very funny, paced well, and super creative. I liked this a lot.

Kevin’s Commentary

The sets and the way it’s filmed and the costuming seem very much like a stage play, and actors playing multiple characters add to that vibe. I saw that it was actually filmed on a couple of black box stages, and Grace Glowicki (who co-wrote, directs, and plays the lead) wanted the vibe of experimental theater. Mission accomplished.

I wish we had our Stink-o-vision cards. They are real, I read about them online, but I couldn’t find where we’d get some. We had to imagine the smells. And it is a very smell-focused movie. So marketed only to theaters? Will home releases come with cards enclosed?

I thought it was great. Raunchy and funny, making some real horror something to laugh at. The writing is terrific. My only complaint is a big feature/gimmick of the movie that we couldn’t participate in because it was a home screener.

2026 The Kinderhook Creature: In the Shadow of Sasquatch

• Director: Seth Breedlove

• Writers: Bruce Hallenbeck (Author of the companion book, The Kinderhook Creature and Beyond: A Personal Reminiscence)

• Stars: Bruce Hallenbeck, various eyewitnesses

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 12 Minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s a documentary profiling a town in New York called Kinderhook that has a long history and maybe a big hulking creature lurking around in the woods. Bruce Hallenbeck gives us first hand memories of the place. Neither of us had heard of this cryptid before this viewing. The film is well put together, weaving in some Washington Irving history and the past of a really old town. There’s plenty of UFO talk too for folks who are into that. It was interesting and well put together.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man talking about his grandmother living in what might be a haunted house. Kinderhook is an old rural town north of New York City, an hour southeast of Albany. We get some initial history of the town, founded in the 1600s, and famous people who have some affiliation with the area. This was the source of “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” story.

Bruce Hallenback’s story soon turns to the Hudson Valley’s cryptids. There’s been lots of UFO activity there, as well as a white energy “blob” he found in 1962. His father tells us his own experience with the white blob. There is a bit of discussion about ghosts, poltergeists, and hauntings in the area.

The Kinderhook Creature, basically Bigfoot, is up next. We get an old video of Bruce’s grandmother talking about the creature on an old interview show in the 70s. Something was stealing her trash and taking the food out of the bags. Also, she saw the creature sleeping in the backyard once. Turns out, lots of people in the region had seen something like that creature and it started to become famous.

The rest of the film is Bruce and various family members telling us stories of their supernatural encounters…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s another of the “Small Town Monsters” documentaries, and we’ve done a bunch of these by now. It’s a collection of interviews, re-creations, and stories about a creature that I’ve actually never heard of before. As always, the production values are good, the visuals are decent, and the interview subjects are interesting.

The majority of eyewitnesses here are members of Bruce Hallenback’s family, which is a bit suspicious, but overall, the story is well told and kept me entertained for the runtime.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was very well put together weaving in Bruce Hallenbeck’s memories of the place with other folk’s stories and oral histories. I was expecting just Bigfoot stuff, but there’s ghost and UFO stuff too. He even manages to throw in a leprechaun story. So it covers a lot.

It might be kind of cool living somewhere with your yard backed up to the woods where you might see deer and bear and big mysterious creatures.

I thought it was interesting and entertaining.

2026 The Strangers: Chapter 3

• Director: Renny Harlin

• Writers: Alan R. Cohen & Alan Freedland

• Stars: Madelaine Petsch, Gabriel Basso, and Ema Horvath

• Runtime: 91 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The carnage continues with this conclusion of the reboot/trilogy/sequel/prequel. Maya from the previous two movies is still on the run, and we get some flashbacks showing the origin of the Strangers. Quite a bit is explained, but some points you really don’t want to analyse too deeply. We both felt this was the best of the three, with the most going on and the most backstory. And there’s not an after credit scene, but the closing credits are very cool.

Spoilery Synopsis

It is three years ago, when a woman goes to a cheap motel and the woman behind the counter is a little off. That night, there’s a knock at the door. “Is Tamara here?” Dollface takes the woman and ties her up for some wholesome torture. “Why?” “Because you’re here!” Scarecrow and Pinup watch her work and kiss. Credits roll.

Back in the present day, Maya watches as Scarecrow looks at the dead Pinup’s body and hacks at her with his ax. They all get in their truck and drive away, leaving Maya on the road. Not long after, Sheriff Rotter drives past, but Maya hides from him.

Maya comes to an old church and runs into creepy Gregory there. “Relax. Nobody has a mask here,” he says. She’s pretty sure he’s Scarecrow, but it’s not absolutely clear, because he lets her leave. She runs into the sheriff outside, and she has to go with him this time. He’s over-the-top weird at every turn, and she ends up stealing his car.

She soon crashes the car into a tree because she’s in a horror movie– right next to Scarecrow was apparently waiting for her. He throws her in the back of his truck and drives off.

We get a flashback to the trial for Tamara’s murder. The boy is Sheriff Rotter’s son. A few weeks later, the boy and his friend kill a hiker in the woods, and Rotter helps them dispose of the evidence. “I’ll fix it. No more townsfolk, you understand?”

Dollface and Scarecrow take Maya to an old lumberyard. Scarecrow turns on the shredder and puts Shelly/Pinup’s body into it. He then hits Maya with the ax.

In the morning, Maya’s family arrives in town looking for her. They ask the whole group at the diner, but no one says much. The waitress, Annie, says she’s sad that it’s all happening again; non-local people often go missing around here. She says the sheriff knows everything.

Deputy Walters wants to call in the State Police, and the sheriff kills him. Maya’s sister and family watch the sheriff carry Howard’s body out of the morgue and follow him.

Maya wakes up, not dead, to find that Scarecrow has tattooed a smiley-face on her, just like they have. He makes her put on Pinup’s mask. Then he leans in for a mask-to-mask kiss, which she doesn’t like.

Twelve years ago, young Scarecrow and Pinup scout out victims at the truck stop. They follow a pair of likely victims to the motel and do the whole “Tamara” thing. When they go in, the woman inside has already killed her boyfriend.

Back in the present, Maya, in the Pinup mask, rides along with Scarecrow and Dollface to the motel and they make her do the “Tamara” thing. They insist that she kill one of the people inside. As Scarecrow hacks up the man, Maya uses the opportunity to kill Dollface. He then makes Maya kill the woman in the motel room.

The sheriff realizes he’s being followed and leads Maya’s sister, Debbie, to the sawmill; he calls Scarecrow to meet him there. The PI that Debbie hired goes into the sawmill and finds the meat grinder– and the sheriff, who shoots him very dead. Scarecrow kills Debbie’s husband and drags her to the truck where Maya is and kills her too, as Maya watches.

Scarecrow unties Maya and leaves her alone in his truck with Debbie. She starts to drive out of town, but then decides to go back. Somehow, she knows to go to a huge underground maze of dungeons and tunnels with electricity out in the woods. She finds the sheriff there and shoots him a few times.

Maya goes to a room full of candles and photos and sees a sort of shrine to all the victims. Scarecrow comes in behind her and sits down. “I freed you,” he says. He takes off his mask, and it’s Gregory. (Which was not a surprise at this point.) “All these years, you’re the only one who’s survived.”

Everything Maya cared about is gone, and she came here to kill him, but now she reconsiders. “You’re all that’s left.” They start getting romantic, at least until she stabs him. As he lays there on the floor, she grabs his ax and finishes him off.

Maya walks off into the woods, but she’s carrying the Scarecrow mask as she goes. Will she continue as… The Stranger?

Brian’s Commentary

None of the locations in this movie (or the previous one) ever have any other people around, even the busy motel is empty, like the hospital in the previous film.

In this conclusion, we finally get answers as to how this all got started and who the people involved really are. I don’t see how the sheriff could possibly have covered up that many deaths, but I guess that’s a minor thing to nitpick about with some of the stuff going on here.

The soundtrack was very good, as was the casting. Richard Brake should have won some kind of award for creepiness in this one.

Still, this episode explains it all, has a lot of action, and things actually happen (unlike the second film), so all in all, it’s the best of the three.

Kevin’s Commentary

I do appreciate that there was more to the trilogy than just the home-invasion-slowly-torment-and-kill-a-couple formula of the original. On the other hand this was three full length movies that probably would have been fine with just one long one.

The casting was excellent for the young versions of the Strangers, the resemblance was strong..

This third movie was the best of the three, with the most steady action, explanations, and a wrap up. Or maybe a new beginning.

2017 Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle

• Directed by: Hiroyuki Seshita, Kobun Shizuno

• Written by: Gen Urobuchi, Sadayuki Murai, Tetsuya Yamada

• Stars: Mamoru Miyana, Takahiro Sakurai, Kana Hanazawa

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 41 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is the second animated movie in the trilogy after “Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters,” and continues the story right where it left off. Far in the future, Earth belongs to Godzilla and humans returning to the planet hatch a plan to get rid of the big lizard once and for all. But since we know there’s a third movie, things are still left unresolved. The animation is cool, the story is gripping and full of action, it entertained us both.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear a report from Earth’s surface that now there’s another Godzilla. It’s been growing for 20,000 years and is the size of a mountain. His heat ray is powerful enough to kill them in orbit, so they retreat to the moon. Credits roll.

Sakaki wakes up, surprised to still be alive. He quickly meets up with a human survivor from Earth. The humans must have adapted to the changed atmosphere. He follows after the strange girl and wonders where his crewmates have gone.

Yuko’s group shoots at the girl, and Sakaki shows up right after. Then others show up and surround the group and lead them away to an underground city. Professor Martin is there, and he’s made some observations about the human-ish descendants.

Two of the natives are twins, and they seem to be telepathic. They aren’t happy about the bombings that the humans did before landing. Godzilla is the ancient enemy of their god. There are several subspecies of Godzilla now; most of the lifeforms in the forest now shares some of Godzilla’s DNA.

The group is released to find a landing ship and signal the mothership. The twins go with the group. They fight some monsters and reunite with Metphies, the Exif; they soon call for an evac. Galu-Gu and Belu-Be, the Bilusaludos, come up with a plan to beat the big Godzilla. They want to use the nanometal from the locals’ speartips. The self-regenerating metal was originally used for Mechagodzilla, but that didn’t work out so well. They all decide to search for Mechagodzilla and see how that turns out.

They find an entire city made of nanometal; it’s grown here from Mechagodzilla’s carcass. Yes, it’s “Mechagodzilla City.” The Hauta twins call it “Sinister. Evil. Poison.” The group enters the city and finds the head of Mechagodzilla. They reactivate it, and it starts to regenerate the control center.

Sakaki explains his plan to capture and kill Godzilla using the whole city as a trap. They build a new flying weapon, the Vulture, and they want to use it to lure Godzilla into the trap.

Professor Martin has noticed that the people who were treated by the Hauta seem to be feeling sick, as if their treatment and the nanometal aren’t compatible. Metphies also doesn’t like the whole idea of the nanometal, and they’re all starting to get a little creeped out. There’s also some friction between the Bilusaludo and Exif ideas. Metphies explains that his own world was destroyed by a monster far worse than Godzilla, but we don’t hear its name.

The Bilusaludo want to join with MechaGodzilla city to evolve into a superior life form. Some of them are volunteering to join with the machines. The city starts thinking for itself, and that might be trouble.

Meanwhile, the Hauta talk about their egg.

Godzilla notices the city and approaches. Everyone gets ready for a big battle. Sakaki and Yuko fly out in three vultures to slow him down. They lead him to the trap point and spray Godzilla with liquid nanometal as planned. They shoot and shoot until Godzilla’s shield collapses, then they shoot him with an EMP harpoon. Godzilla collapses but doesn’t die.

The barometric pressure suddenly changes; Godzilla’s not exploding, his temperature’s rising. It’s going to melt the city, and the vultures can’t get close enough to hurt it.

Galu-Gu becomes one with the machine and tells Yuko and Sakai that they need to join the nanometal as well. Yuko starts to change, but Sakaki’s body rejects the change. Galu-Gu and Metphies get into a philosophical argument about the war, and Sakaki has to make a decision. Sakaki blows up the command center and Galu-Gu as well.

Godzilla gets up, and he ain’t happy. He wipes out what’s left of MechaGodzilla City with his super-atomic-breath. Sakaki lands his vulture, but Yuko dies from the half-completed conversion.

Brian’s Commentary

This picks up immediately after “Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters.” It has the benefit of not needing to explain the whole situation and characters this time, but it’s definitely still the middle of the story. There’s lots of action, and it’s easy enough to follow and understand what’s going on at all times.

I liked it.

Kevin’s Commentary

I am impressed with how detailed and rich the animation is. And I enjoyed this one much more than the first movie in the trilogy. There was less gibber jabber and more action.

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2025 Whistle

• Director: Corin Hardy

• Writer: Owen Egerton

• Stars: Dafne Keen, Sophie Nélisse, Nick Frost

• Runtime: 97 minutes (Note: some sources report up to 108 minutes)

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of young people come into possession of a cursed whistle that summons the future death of anyone who blows it or hears it. So they learn about the magical situation as they are getting picked off one at a time.

It’s a little formulaic, but it’s well made and above average in quality. We were both entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a basketball game with the Stalkers versus the Wolves. One of the players, Horse, sees something weird up in the audience. As he makes the winning shot, he sees someone who appears to be on fire that scares him off back to the locker room. The player runs into the locker room and smashes an old-looking urn as the smoky-ashy-man approaches. It sets him on fire in the shower. Credits roll.

Six months later, Chrys argues with her cousin Rel about unpacking her stuff. It’s her first day of high school after moving here. She’s assigned Horse’s locker and some of the kids take offense to that. We get to meet some of the other “kids” of the school, as well as a teacher, Mr. Craven. Also, Chrys may have a bit of history. Grace tries to be nice to the new girl, but doesn’t get any support.

Inside Horses’s locker, Chrys finds all Horses’s stuff, still there, including that ancient urn with an ugly skull-whistle inside. She’s about to blow it when the bell rings.

Mr. Craven looks at the whistle, and it’s got ancient writing on the side which he just happens to be able to read. Someone Googles the script and says it means “Summon the Dead.” He blows in it to see if it works and it makes the mirror shatter.

Chrys meets Noah, a youth pastor who invites her to church. He’s very sketchy– no, he’s also a knife-wielding drug dealer. Meanwhile, Rel steals the whistle off Craven’s desk. Not long after, a bloody bald man crushes Craven’s lungs and makes him lose all his hair.

At Grace’s houseparty, Grace blows the whistle, and they all cringe at the sound. Ellie is nice to Chrys and invites her to the harvest festival tomorrow night. Chrys soon develops a crush on Ellie.

Later that night, Grace works on her homework next to the pool. She hears someone scrabbling around on the deck and checks it out. She gets a jump scare, but that’s all.

The next morning, Rel and Chrys arrive at school and hear about Craven’s death from lung cancer last night.

Chrys and Ellie go to Horse’s house to return the whistle to his parents. His mother, Ivy, is broke and has to sell all her possessions. She’s very self-obsessed. “You didn’t find it, it found you,” she says about the whistle. It doesn’t say “Summon the dead,” it says “Summon YOUR death.” It shows you how you’re going to die. It brings Death to you earlier; you die in the way you were meant to, but much sooner than intended.

Could Mr. Craven have used it like Horse did? Ellie works at the hospital, so she checks on Horse’s death records. Horse’s dental records show that he was in his forties, but he was really just seventeen. He would have died in a gas leak at age forty. Mr Craven would have died of lung cancer eventually, but it happened last night because of the whistle.

It’s time for the harvest festival, and it’s quite a party. Rel and Grace are there. She buys some weed from Noah, who then tries unsuccessfully to sell some to Chrys. Meanwhile, Grace goes into the scare maze and runs into a terrifying old woman who chases her. It catches her and she ages seventy years in a matter of seconds.

Ellie and Chrys explain the whistle to Dean and Rel; they all heard the whistle, so it’ll be coming after them as well. Dean doesn’t believe any of it until he gets home and sees himself after a drinking and driving death.

Chrys tells Ellie about how she OD’d last year and her father died on the way taking her to the hospital. This leads to a makeout session. Meanwhile, Rel has visions of his death at the steel mill.

The next morning, they all go back to see Horses’ mother about Choka, the whistle of Death. She says there’s no way to stop it, but they can change its course. “Give your death someone else’s life. Offer Choka a new sacrifice. Mark another with your blood and you will be spared.”

Alone in his bedroom, Dean dies from a massive traffic accident in the grisliest way possible.

Meanwhile, at the church, Rel has decided to trade Noah’s life for his own to break the curse. Noah takes his gun away, but Rel knows he’s not going to die that way. Rel knocks him out and takes him to the steelmill. Chrys and Ellie show up and talk Rel out of marking Noah with his blood. The invisible steel-chewing machine then kills Rel as the girls watch.

Chrys says they summoned Death and have to die– but they don’t have to stay dead. Ellie’s a diabetic, and she’s got enough insulin to kill both of them and then revive. Ellie injects Chrys, she dies, and then Ellie resuscitates her.

Noah, meanwhile, breaks out of where they had him tied up, and he works on getting into where the girls are.

Noah gets in with his gun as Ellie lays on the floor dying. She’s bleeding out, but Noah dips his fingers in the puddle like it’s a religious experience. Yep, he’s marked with Ellie’s blood now. His own Death comes after him, and he doesn’t escape it.

Three months later, Chrys is back in high school and she’s with Ellie. We cut to another girl opening a locker and finding the whistle inside…

Brian’s Commentary

I went into this one blind except for knowing a cursed whistle was involved. I liked it quite a bit. The casting, soundtrack, and deaths were all good, and the plot was fairly unique. The film leaves it wide open for a sequel, and it was good enough that I’d watch it if there was one.

Kevin’s Commentary

The basic formula seems familiar. A group of friends in their 20s still in high school get their hands on a magic object that kills them off one by one in unique ways. I thought they milk things out a bit, but overall it’s well made and entertaining. The effects are excellent, the cast is good as are all the technical aspects.

I’d call it above average for this type of movie.

2025 The Strangers Chapter 2

• Director: Renny Harlin

• Writers: Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland (Based on characters by Bryan Bertino)

• Stars: Madelaine Petsch, Gabriel Basso, Froy Gutierrez, Ema Horvath, Ella Bruccoleri

• Runtime: 98 minutes

• YouTube Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Immediately after Chapter 1, survivor Maya wakes up in the hospital and has a peaceful recovery. Okay, not really, the Strangers are still after her. There’s lots of chasing and incidental body count. The Strangers are persistent, and we get hints about their origin. And then it stops and says, “To be continued.” Yep, that happened.

Spoilery Synopsis

As credits roll, we get flashbacks to the three “Strangers” killing a man in the woods. We cut to Maya, from the previous film, who wakes up in the hospital. She describes them and tells the story to Sheriff Rotter, who is still creepy. She wonders who “Tamara” is that they kept asking about. The people in the local diner speculate about the killers, and they’re all suspicious-looking themselves. We cut to an angry little girl who has a doll that looks like Dollface.

That night, at the hospital, the place is nearly empty. Maya gets a phone call, “Is Tamara here?” Then there’s screaming out in the hallway. Suddenly, the lights go out, and her cell phone stops getting reception. Soon, she sees Scarecrow wandering around with his axe. Fortunately, it appears that Maya is the only patient in the huge hospital. Soon, they’re all playing hide-and-seek in the hospital’s basement workings.

She hides in the morgue, in the same drawer as her dead fiancé, Ryan. This works pretty well, so she gets away from the hospital and runs outside into the rain. She runs into a woman who tells her that the sheriff isn’t going to help her “Because he’s–” and then she dies. Maya runs into a horse farm or stable to hide.

Running back outside, she’s picked up by two women whom Maya obviously doesn’t trust, but at least they have a car. They pick up two guys on the road, and she finds it all very suspicious. It’s all very tense. She panics and jumps out of the moving car and back to the woods.

As the sun comes up, Maya uses a stolen first aid kit to sew up the wound in her side, screaming all the while. Somehow, the three baddies have tracked her to this location as well, even though there are miles of forest between where Maya jumped out of the car and where the bad guys were left behind. Instead, Maya gets attacked by a wild boar, which is pretty random.

She’s having a really bad day. But not as bad as the pig.

Pinup comes across the scene and has a flashback about playing with baby pigs herself.

Maya makes her way back to the murder cabin from the previous film and grabs a knife, some clothes, and food. She meets a man who says he’s with the State Police, and they get into his car. He doesn’t last long before the masked women kill him.

She hurries to another house, with a strange man inside, and passes out. When she wakes up, Turns out this is the house of the two men from the car she was in earlier. Gregory is creepy, but the women say it’s fine to ignore him.

Family has sent an EMT to pick up Maya at the house, but he stops at a gas station and maybe tells the wrong person where he’s going.

Back at the house, Gregory explains that this stuff has been going on for years, and she’s the only one who has survived. After a few minutes, Pinup arrives and tries to break in. Dollface, however, is already in her bedroom somehow. She makes it outside to find the EMT’s ambulance and his dead body outside.

Pinup is waiting inside the ambulance, and they have a quick fight. She dies. Later, Scarecrow takes off her mask, and we see a face inside; it’s– I have no idea who that is. We get another flashback to the creepy, animal-killing little girl. The little girl kills Tamara, another girl whom she was jealous of. The little boy sees what she’s done and smiles.

To be continued.

Brian’s Commentary

Takes place immediately after the first film in the reboot series. Ever notice how deserted hospitals in horror movies get at night? It’s like doctors, nurses, and patients all go home at closing time.

The film is mostly just Maya running from one bad situation to another, with The Strangers ahead of her at every turn. There’s lots of suspense and tension, but not really much in the way of a plot, except for watching bad things happen to Maya.

You know how in many horror movies, there’s a part in the middle where everything just drags a little bit before the exciting finale? This whole movie is that draggy middle part.

A waste of time.

Kevin’s Commentary

The hospital made for a good cat and mouse setting for Maya vs the killers, but it was absurdly empty of people other than them and a very few folks at the wrong place and time.

It’s quite remarkable, to the point of silly, how the Strangers are able to travel from place to place wherever Maya flees.

Brian summed it up perfectly referring to this as the draggy middle part of a mediocre movie. A looooong three-movie movie.

I was not impressed.

1977 The Car

• Director: Elliot Silverstein

• Writers: Dennis Shryack and Michael Butler

• Stars: James Brolin, Kathleen Lloyd, and John Marley

• Runtime: 98 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A small desert town is terrorized by a killer on wheels. As the body count and attacks climb, the local sheriff and his crew struggle to stop it, and gradually learns it’s no ordinary car and driver. The pacing is a little clunky, but a good cast and decent script with some surprises elevates it. It’s not excellent, but we were both entertained.

Spoilery Synopsis

After the credits, we open in the desert as a couple of bicyclists zoom down the desert road and into a dark tunnel. We see a car drive into the other end of the tunnel (from the car’s POV). The not-so-subtle music hints that something bad is going to happen. The car comes up behind the bikers and both young people die gruesome deaths. The car, on the other hand, honks gleefully and drives on.

Wade and his girlfriend Lauren wake up and do hanky-pankie as his young children listen outside the bedroom door. Elsewhere, John Morris plays his French Horn outside grumpy old Amos’s house. John puts out his thumb for a ride when the car swerves to hit him. It misses, but then comes back for more.

Wade is the sheriff’s deputy, and he gets called out to Amos’s place, where the car has repeatedly run over John the hitchhiker. His description is a little sketchy, but it was obviously intentional. Not long after, they find the dead bicycle girl, but they don’t find the boy, who went over a bridge at a different point.

Meanwhile, Amos’s wife, Bertha, is at the police station. Sheriff Beck wants her to sign an abuse complaint against her husband. Beck’s had a crush on her since high school. Beck watches as the car zooms toward Amos, but it hits and kills him instead. An old Indian woman sees what happened and blames an evil spirit; there was no driver in the car. Wade takes over as the new sheriff, and he’s not happy about it.

There’s going to be a parade rehearsal this afternoon, and Wade knows it’s a bad idea. They get a call that they’ve found the bicycle-boy’s body, so that distracts everyone for a while. In the meantime, Deputy Luke starts drinking again.

At the fairgrounds, the kids and teachers practice their parade marching as the wind picks up and visibility drops. Everyone panics when they hear a car horn, and the horses go berserk. The kids all run a mile or so to the cliffs instead of going into a building or onto the bleachers or something. They all hide in the old cemetery, but the car stops just outside the gate and waits as Lauren taunts it from inside the fence.

Deputy Ray spots the car in the desert and follows it. All the other cops move in sped-up footage to get to that area. Things go badly for Ray as the car slowly pushes him over the edge of a cliff.

Somehow, the car rolls over, takes out two more police cars and comes to a stop in front of Wade and his little pistol. Wade shoots the car’s tires and windshield, but it appears to be bulletproof. It then knocks him down when he approaches the driver’s door - which has no handles, and Wade passes out.

In the hospital, the deputies all discuss what they know. Lauren wonders about the wind at the parade; it was almost like magic. Luke admits he’s started drinking again and simply forgot to cancel the parade rehearsal with everything that’s been going on.

Deputy Chas drives Lauren home, and the car follows them. As she goes into the house, the wind picks up; the car wants revenge for all her taunting earlier. It drives right through her living room and kills her. We get a long scene where Wade is sad. Luke thinks the car didn’t go into the cemetery because the ground was hallowed. Wade is skeptical, but he doesn’t have a real explanation that beats that.

Wade has a plan, but he needs Amos’s help with explosives. We get a long scene of Wade repairing his motorcycle, only to find the car is in his garage. After a standoff, the car chases Wade and his motorcycle down the road. He lures the car to where the surviving deputies and Amos are rigging up dynamite in the cliffs.

Wade keeps the car busy while the deputies finish wiring everything, and blow it up excessively. Afterwards, Wade and Luke debate what they saw in the fire. As the closing credits roll, we see the car is in a city now…

Brian’s Commentary

There’s no explanation for any of this. We never find out why the car is killing people.

It’s got a lot of similarities with “Duel” from 1971 as well as “Christine” from 1983. One came before, and one after, but the influences carry over between films. It may be stretching things a little, but “Rubber” (2010) is also in the same neighborhood.

The dialogue and the pacing are really weird. They focus on lots of things that aren’t really all that important to the plot. The cast is surprisingly good for such a weak film; most of the actors were big at the time, or would become big later.

I was entertained, but it’s a long way from great.

Kevin’s Commentary

I saw this one when it came out at the theater. I was eleven, and it was a formative movie for my enjoyment of horror. I haven’t seen it since, and I was interested in seeing what I thought of it now.

In one scene a group of teachers and kids seeks refuge in an old cemetery, and the car doesn’t follow them in. It’s said that the car wouldn’t go on hollowed ground, and I thought at the time I first saw it that it made perfect sense - it was afraid of falling in the hollowed ground of graves. It was years later that it suddenly occurred to me oooooooh, they said “hallowed ground,” not “hollowed.”

The cast has lots of familiar faces of actors from the 70s that were in lots of stuff before and after. James Brolin was young once.

That’s quite a few deputies for such a small town, though they do have a big area of land to cover, but that was necessary for the action and body count.

Watching it now, almost 50 years later, I was still entertained.

2026 Return to Silent Hill

• Director: Christophe Gans

• Writers: Christophe Gans, Sandra Vo-Anh, Will Schneider

• Stars: Jeremy Irvine, Hannah Emily Anderson

• Runtime: 106 minutes

• Trailer Link:

• 2

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

James gets a letter from his lost love imploring him to return to Silent Hill, and so he does. Once there he goes through a series of encounters and scenes with creepy stuff, very much like walking through a video game, interspersed with flashbacks of his relationship with Mary.

While the setting and creatures are similar, this doesn’t seem to be connected to the previous two movies in terms of characters or story. The plot is sparse, mostly just a quest that goes on for quite a bit of time through scene after scene of strangeness. It was… okay.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a man driving too fast through the windy, curvy, mountain roads. Unsurprisingly, this goes badly, as he nearly hits a woman in the road, causing her to miss her bus. She talks about Silent Hill, her hometown. She’s Mary, and he’s James, and he offers to drive her home.

James wakes up– that was all just a dream. He’s very drunk and gets thrown out of the bar. His therapist calls to nag him about his appointment tomorrow. He goes home and finds a letter asking him to come back to “their place” from Mary. We get a flashback to James and Mary’s big romance. James returns to Silent Hill. Credits roll.

A woman named Angela tells James to grab a sandbag and follow her. There are ashes falling from the sky, and she says some fires are still burning. Then, there were floods, and she warns him not to go to town.

James walks into town, and it’s not only deserted, it’s also covered in ash and haze. James gets a flashback to the people of Silent Hill talking about Mary’s father, Jacob Crane, and all he’s done for the town. Meanwhile, outside, an armless monster attacks a homeless man.

Suddenly, an air raid siren goes off, and everything gets really dark. He sees all sorts of weird creatures outside, and runs inside to hide. He sees, or imagines, seeing a great deal of weirdness and calls his therapist back.

James runs into Eddie, a man hiding in town, and he talks about all the monsters that just moved into town. They find a little girl, Laura, trapped behind some bars. Eddie turns on James, but that’s not as bad as a Pyramid-Head, who starts chasing James through the old building. He then runs into a giant spider-woman who chases him some more. Pyramid kills the spider-woman and cuts her arms off.

James runs into Angela, who tells him he shouldn’t have come, as there are too many secrets here.

He next runs into Maria, who leads him through town to the hospital, but Mary’s not there. She tells him about Joshua Crane, who was an old-time cult leader in the town. The two walk into a room full of freeze-frame nurses who chase them. Maria gets injured, so James finds Laura, who says she knows where Mary is.

James finally finds Mary, who is now a four-armed monster who kills him– no, he wakes up, that was all a dream. He’s in the Silent Hill Hospital, as a regular patient. There are doctors and nurses, and it all seems normal again. They tell James that Mary has been dead for months now, but he knew that.

We get another flashback to the couple in Silent Hill arguing about what her father did to her with the cult. This ends with him storming out and leaving town. He feels like he let her down.

Suddenly, James is back in the horror version of the town, explaining what happened to Maria. She looks just like Mary, and they kiss. They take the elevator all the way down.

James wakes up next to the river and watches as the hospital burns to the ground behind him. James remembers that Mary’s full name was Mary Angela Laura Crane; all the women have been Mary all along. He remembers her getting sick; her father had been poisoning her all her life. She wanted to die, and he smothered her to death.

Back in Silent Hill, James sees Mary turn into a big, undead-looking moth with four arms and flies away. He then puts her corpse in his car and drives into the river to drown…

Nope– another dream. We’re back in the opening scene where James almost hits Mary with his car. This time around, the two of them drive to anywhere other than Silent Hill…

Brian’s Commentary

This seems to ignore all the previous films. It is much like a video game, with James running from one unexplained situation to another, because– why?

The setting is everything here. There’s no real acting or characterization to speak of. There’s only a hint of a plot; it’s mostly just one scary scene after another, just like a video game.

This was dull, made no sense, and was overall… atrociously bad.

Kevin’s Commentary

They stepped up the creepy and unsettling encounters a bit in this one. And it has the video game vibe, almost more so than a movie. The plot is thin; it’s really all about the quest and encounters. It started feeling tedious after a while.

I can’t help but think I’d be more into these movies if I was a fan of the games. This one is said to be based on the game Silent Hill 2 from 2001. I’ve never played any of them.

2017 Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

• Director: Kōbun Shizuno, Hiroyuki Seshita

• Writer: Gen Urobuchi

• Stars (Main Cast): Mamoru Miyano, Takahiro Sakurai, Kana Hanazawa, Yūki Kaji

• Runtime: 88 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s far in the future, and refugees from space come back to Earth after everyone left due to the giant monsters ruining everything. Before they can resettle, they have to deal with Godzilla. This one is an anime style animated movie, but it’s still considered an official movie in the Toho series. Brian enjoyed it quite a bit, while Kevin - who has a bias against cartoons - didn’t get much of anything from it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Aboard a space station, guards point their guns at a docked spaceship. The pilot, Captain Sakaki, is refusing to take colonists to Tau-E, which everyone knows is uninhabitable. They’re just trying to dump and abandon their elderly. The old colonist in charge calls Sakaki, and he says the colonists want to land on the planet, any planet. Sakaki gives in and launches toward the planet below. From the space station’s window, Sakaki watches as the landing shuttle explodes in orbit. Credits roll.

We hear a report about monsters appearing on Earth at the end of the 20th century. The monsters came from everywhere and Godzilla was the worst of them. Aliens, the Exif, arrived, and they wanted to live here. Then the Bilusaludo, another race arrived as well. They also offered to rid Earth of Godzilla. Godzilla overwhelmed them as well.

Sakaki remembers life on Earth and the rush to evacuate to the stars. Life aboard the space station wasn’t much better. Sakaki, now in jail aboard the ship, researches the history of Earth and Godzilla. He wants to go back and fight the big monster. The ship’s chances of finding a habitable planet are really small; returning to Earth is maybe the only option. Due to relativity, over a thousand years have passed on Earth.

There’s a plan floating around that says they can defeat Godzilla; Sakaki wrote it, and the Exifs say it might be possible. Everyone rushes to the windows to see their homeworld; the younger generation have never seen it. It’s been 10,000 years on Earth, so even Godzilla couldn’t still be around.

One of the drones goes dead. It must have been Godzilla and his atomic breath. He is still alive down there, which brings on a lot of discussion. Sakaki is released from jail to lead the fight.

The space force lands on Earth and prepares the area for a battle. Sakaki explains his whole plan, and there’s a lot that has to go right. Godzilla has a hidden organ that gives him protective shields, and he hopes to disable it.

Life on Earth has changed. Some of the trees are razor sharp, and the air is barely breathable. A group of flying monsters attacks the base, and they’re something completely new. Nothing could have evolved that quickly, could they? Turns out, they were really gone for 19,200 years, so… maybe?

Martin, the scientific leader, says there’s no real benefit in staying since everything here is toxic now. He wants to set up a base on the moon instead. In order to retreat, they have to join up with another company that still has working ships to evacuate. In order to get there, they have to pass through Godzilla’s territory.

Metphies, the Exif scientist, suggests that Godzilla will be looking for them. He’s “the vengeful hammer for the arrogant.” He’s seen it before with other races.

Godzilla soon shows up on the scene, and he somehow causes the human’s ship to crash. They use a failed attack by Colonel Leland to figure out where Godzilla’s shield emitter is located. With Leland dead, Metphies is the new commander, but he puts Sakaki in charge instead.

There’s another battle with Godzilla, but in the middle of the fight, more of those flying things show up to get in the way. The group leads Godzilla to the trap point, and they set off their traps. Godzilla is mostly buried, and they hit him with everything they have.

Godzilla has been defeated– the plan worked! Martin thinks this probably wasn’t the original Godzilla from 20,000 years ago but one of his descendants. If they find another one, at least they know they can beat it.

Suddenly, there’s an earthquake. Something even more powerful than Godzilla is coming! It’s… big. Yes, it’s the original Godzilla, and he’s spent millennia growing to be mountain-sized.

Everyone retreats as Sakaki vows to kill the monster…

Brian’s Commentary

This one is animated, but still counts as an official Toho Godzilla film. It’s a much more ambitious, complicated story than more non-animated films.

Overall, it added a lot of new stuff to the far-future world, and it more or less all made sense.

Godzilla himself only shows up toward the end of the story, but he makes an impression. Overall, I liked it more than I thought I would.

Kevin’s Commentary

Anime something something cartoon blah blah.

It’s highly detailed with top notch animation, there’s a lot happening in the story, the technology is advanced, and Godzilla is more powerful than ever. All that said, this really didn’t do much for me at all.

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2026 The Dreadful

• Directed by: Natasha Kermani

• Written by: Natasha Kermani

• Stars: Sophie Turner, Kit Harington, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurence O’Fuarain, Jonathan Howard

• Run Time: 94 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two women in 1400s England live a quiet life on their own on the edges of society. And it’s a quiet and slow build of a movie. But the dread does build and things get darker as things go along. It’s pretty low key in every way, with beautiful scenery and strong performances. We both liked it quite a bit.

Spoilery Synopsis

Anne goes to church and has Communion. Her mother-in-law, Morwen, is a pickpocket, stealing from young mothers. They’re poor, and all the men from the village have gone off to war.

Anne dreams of her husband, Seamus, returning from war, but there’s something very wrong with him. Morwen says, “This war will make us rich.”

The next day, she runs into Jago, home from the war. He tells the story of how Seamus was rather brutally killed in the war. She still remembers when they were all little and growing up together. Anne and Morwen take the news badly.

Not long after, there’s a shipwreck nearby, and one survivor makes it to the beach. Morwen stabs him in the back, which Anne doesn’t see, and then she and Anne loot the bodies. “God is smiling on us to send such good luck,” Morwen adds. They eat well that night.

Jago likes Anne, but she’s not really interested in him. Morwen doesn’t like him either; he was always jealous of Seamus.

A wandering priest comes by and shows them his relic. He wants to sell it to them for three silver pieces. As he prays with Anne, Morwen cuts his throat. Anne is horrified, but Morwen justifies it all.

Some time later, Anne watches as a knight in armor kills a man in the field. She’s seen the knight before. She runs to Jago for protection, and he likes that. Later, she has a dream where Morwen is eating raw flesh. She sneaks out of the house late at night and goes to Jago; they have sex. He wants her to move in with him, but she thinks Morwen needs her.

Anne starts helping Morwen kill and rob travelers of their valuables. When Jago comes around for Anne, Morwen runs him off with her knife. She sneaks off to do her thing with Jago when Morwen’s asleep.

Meanwhile, Morwen watches as a knight in armor comes to their house. She follows him and kills him from behind. She takes off his helmet and loots him.

Anne tells Morwen that she’s leaving to be Jago’s wife. Morwen does not take it well, and she goes to live with Jago. That night, Anne dreams that the demon knight came and killed them both.

Anne notices discrepancies in Jago’s story about her husband’s death. Could he have killed Seamus? He tells the story about how Seamus would kill soldiers and rob their bodies– just like his mother’s been doing. Seamus killed the knight in the helmet and put on the helmet. The helmet burned Seamus and wouldn’t come off; Jago left him there on the battlefield. Anne turns against him and leaves.

We get a flashback to Morwen killing the knight, who turned out to be Seamus in that same helmet.

Anne goes to the village and finds the priest has been murdered by the knight. She runs to Morwen’s house, but the old woman isn’t home. The knight shows up, and it’s Morwen inside the helmet. She screams that she can’t get it off. Anne rips the mask off, and Morwen is all disfigured under there now. “Now you really are a demon,” Anne says.

An actual demon comes out of the helmet, and the two women run for the house. When Anne looks outside, all she finds is the helmet.

Anne and Jago talk about demons. He still wants her, but now she’s loyal to Morwen, who has gone blind from what the helmet did to her. Anne goes outside and picks up the helmet…

Brian’s Commentary

This is based on the same Buddhist parable as “Onibaba” (1964). Like that film, this one is slow-moving and atmospheric. There aren’t any jump scares or anything like that; just a slow buildup of dread that you know isn’t going to end well. And it doesn’t.

Kevin’s Commentary

The scenery and quiet of the movie are very soothing. The dreadfulness is there, but it’s pretty low-key. I thought it was a good watch. Excellent cast.

2025 The Other

• Directed by: Paul Etheredge

• Written by: Paul Etheredge

• Stars: Olivia Macklin, Dylan McTee, Avangeline Friedlander

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 38 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a couple brings home a little orphan girl, it’s not a simple happily ever after. There’s a reason she’s holding that drill in the poster, and we get to find out why. It builds slowly to a big finish, then a very abrupt ending. It’s on the unique side, and we liked it more than disliked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

The lady at the adoption agency explains that Kathelia doesn’t speak , but they don’t know why. She’s been returned to the orphanage before. Robin and Daniel go ahead and adopt her anyway. Credits roll.

Robin’s mother has done some research and learned that Kathelia’s mother killed and cut up her whole family, which might be why Kathelia doesn’t speak. We see that all the food in the house has very suddenly gone off.

That night, everyone goes to bed, and Kathelia grabs a big knife from the kitchen as something out in the pool goes, “Bloop!”

In the morning, Daniel finds some pink sludge growing in the pool. Robin finds that all her kitchen knives are missing. Kathelia looks hard at the pink stuff.

Kathelia meets Fiona, a neighbor with Down Syndrome. They spend the morning throwing dolls in the sewer. She’s… weird. Her mother, Lizzie, comes over, and Fiona says, “That lady is a door” to Robin. Robin starts being afraid to be home alone.

The family throws a party for all the people they know with children, and Kathelia doesn’t look happy to be there. All the kids know about Kathelia’s murderous mom, which soon turns into a fight. Afterward, Robin gets into the jellyfish-infested pool. Meanwhile, Kathelia packs a bag and runs out the front door until she gets a nosebleed. They soon find her.

In the morning, Fiona knows that Kathelia “tried to get away” and couldn’t. “You’re stuck here now.” She follows this up with, “Monsters are coming. They’ll be here soon.”

The parents take Kathelia to a child psychologist, but that goes badly. Robin thinks adopting was a mistake, but Daniel wants to stick with her. Robin’s pregnant again, and her priorities have changed.

Kathelia gags Robin and ties her to the bed somehow, which is over the line for Robin, who wants to send her back. Also, it looks like she lost the baby.

Kathelia writes down an address for Daniel, which he checks out. He goes inside to talk to the old woman inside, but all the food on the table is rotten. The old woman is weird and has a worm crawling out of her leg. Turns out, the woman is insane and tied to a leash. The husband blames all their troubles on Kathelia and warns Daniel that he’ll find out. His wife got pregnant with something nasty after Kathelia came to live with them. “Get rid of that child any way you can!”

Robin goes to the doctor and shows her the thing that came out of her. The multiple things that came out of her, and they don’t look quite right. The doctor wants her to go to the hospital, but Robin says she’s fine and leaves.

By the time Robin gets home, she’s fat and really pregnant-looking. She kicks down Kathelia’s door and threatens her. Kathelia can’t scream.

Kathelia runs to Fiona’s house; she talks to ghosts and plays with bugs. Then she whacks Kathelia with a hammer, which involves a hospital visit. By the time Daniel gets home, Robin looks ready to deliver and has become completely unhinged.

The doctor calls; Kathelia has “vanishing twin syndrome,” where Kathelia “ate” her own twin in utero. Thanks to Fiona’s attack, they discovered this. The twin got stuck in her frontal lobe, which is why she can’t speak.

At home, Robin looks terrible and immediately gives birth to something nasty. Daniel and Kathelia go to see Fiona, who seems to know things. Lizzie tells Daniel Fiona’s origin story. She knew hitting Kathelia on the head would result in finding the monster in her head.

Things get weird from here.

The whole group goes up to the attic so Fiona can put on a weird raincoat and do a ritual to communicate with the monster. The twin inside Kathelia is trying to use any woman as a door to be born into the world.

The gynecologist comes to the house to talk to Robin about “the baby.” Daniel comes home, and Robin stabs him with scissors a few times. The doctor gets it even more severely. Kathelia hides and finds all of Robin’s previous dead babies. Robin drags Kathelia out to the pool, which appears to have become a gateway to Hell.

Lizzie and Fiona show up out of nowhere and rescue Kathelia, who goes over and beats on Robin’s belly. “It’s not there. She’s just a door,” Fiona explains. Robin then slices Lizzie’s neck and kills her on the spot. When Robin comes after the rest of them with a sledgehammer, they all barricade themselves in the workroom lab.

Fiona tells Kathelia that she needs to dig out the body from her brain or they’re all gonna die. Kathelia looks at the power tools on the wall and chooses a drill. Daniel puts the drill to Kathelia’s scar and lets it rip.

As the fetus gets drilled out of Kathelia’s brain, Robin stops her assault. Suddenly, a deformed little baby crawls out of Kathelia’s otherwise normal-sized head and attacks Daniel. Kathelia picks up the little thing and breaks its neck. Then she drops it in the trash.

Brian’s Commentary

I kept waiting for Kathelia to become Cthulhu, but that didn’t happen.

I’m sure the police will eat up any explanation they offer about the dead doctor, the dead Lizzie, the stab wound, and the drill-headed child.

The ending is pretty cool, but it was a bit of a slog to get there.

Kevin’s Commentary

Being understanding is good up to a point, but this kid went past the point of “time to take her back to the orphanage” early on in the movie. But it wouldn’t have been much of a movie if they had, I suppose.

It didn’t go in the direction that I expected, and I wasn’t expecting that much body horror. Like Brian pointed out, how are they going to explain all this to the police?

I thought the ending was a little too abrupt, but overall I’d say I liked it.

2009 The Hills Run Red

• Director: Dave Parker

• Writers: David J. Schow (Screenplay), John Carchietta (Story), John Dombrow (Based on screenplay)

• Stars: Sophie Monk, Tad Hilgenbrink, Janet Montgomery, Alex Wyndham, William Sadler

• Runtime: 1 hour, 21 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A group of horror fans take a road trip to hunt down the lost film “The Hills Run Red” from 1982. It’s well made, with a decent cast, and good special effects. It takes too long to get to the good stuff though. And while there are some unique aspects, overall it wasn’t anything we haven’t seen before. We give it a weak thumbs up.

Spoilery Synopsis

As credits roll, we watch a young man cut his own face up with scissors. He then covers the mess with an ugly baby mask.

We’re told that in 1982, Wilson Wyler Concannon, an indie director, released his only film, “The Hills Run Red,” which was sadistic and quickly pulled from theaters. It soon became a lost film, nothing left but an intriguing trailer. The director was also never heard from again.

Tyler watches the trailer, and it’s about an ax-wielding murder called “Babyface.” He wants to know why the film was banned– what was so terrible about it? There are no prints, no actors, and no director; everything about the film has disappeared. His friend, Lalo, doesn’t see the attraction.

Tyler has tracked down Alexa, Concannon’s daughter, and he wants to ask her about the movie. Alexa is working as a stripper in a bar. Tyler visits Alexa at “work” while Lalo bangs Tyler’s girlfriend, Serina, at home. Alexa, an addict, takes Tyler home to a skeezy hotel.

Alexa agrees to take them to see the film– no, not really, Tyler kidnaps her, ties her up, and apparently breaks her addiction in a matter of hours. When sobered up, Alexa tells what she knows about the film; she was in it a little, but she hasn’t seen the whole thing.

On the way out to the middle of nowhere, Lalo explains the rules of horror movies, and everyone laughs. As they stop for a pee break, still a hundred miles from their destination, Alexa sees someone in the woods filming them.

They stop at a gas station near Concannon’s old house and talk to people there who actually saw the movie.

They arrive at the woods where Concannon’s house is supposed to be, and they all make jokes about horror movies that take place in the woods. They’re obviously not alone as they hike to the remote cabin.

They find a ribcage in the woods; could some of the murders in the film have been real? Alexa explains that the guy who played Babyface was actually deformed and really wore a mask.

That night, they’re all knocked out and tied up by the crazy locals. Sonny wants to use their film equipment to make a porn film, starring Alexa and Serina. They don’t get very far before someone in the woods kills them. Someone wearing a Babyface mask. Alexa remembers him, and he remembers her as well.

Alexa runs into the woods with Babyface in pursuit. Tyler goes after them, but Lalo and Serina call 911 but don’t know where they are. Lalo tries to hold off the killer, but Babyface has a gun and uses it.

Tyler comes to a farmhouse and goes inside. He finds evidence that he’s been followed since the beginning of the film. He finds Alexa, who reveals that Concannon’s movie is still being shot. Turns out, Alexa and Babyface have been in cahoots all along.

Babyface chases Serina into his smokehouse, where he has all his victims hanging up to be cured. Serina hides in a big tub of blood, but he soon catches her as well.

Tyler wakes up tied to a chair, surrounded by cans and cans of “The Hills Run Red” films that he’s collected over the years. Alexa’s “dead” father, Concannon, comes in, not dead at all. He shows Tyler a film of him killing the original Babyface actor. He found a real method actor to play the new Babyface, Alexa’s and her father’s own son.

Meanwhile, Alexa torments Lalo, while Babyface works on Serina. Concannon gives Tyler a lesson in filmmaking, and Lalo plays the victim. Meanwhile, Concannon and Alexa argue about parenting until he shoots her. This enrages Babyface, her son, who turns on his father/grandfather and stabs him repeatedly as Tyler films it all. Babyface is just about to kill Tyler as well when Serina stabs him in the back.

Alexa, not dead, knocks Tyler back out. He wakes up in a movie theater full of corpses as Alexa starts showing him the actual film. “This is what you came here for. Are you ready?” As he watches the film, Tyler laughs and goes insane…

Brian’s Commentary

By the halfway point, no one had died, and nothing interesting had happened. It did eventually pick up, but it never really got good– it’s just another masked killer in the woods movie. He could have been wearing a hockey mask and nothing needed to have been changed. The whole theme about horror films and filmmaking gives it a little bit of a “Scream” vibe, but only a little.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought this took too long to get to the good stuff. And then the ending seemed kind of rushed. It’s pretty well made, the cast was fun, the effects were realistic. The movie within a movie aspect made things a little more interesting than typical, but there wasn’t enough new here that we haven’t already seen.

I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t find it very satisfying.

2012 Silent Hill Revelation

• Director: Michael J. Bassett

• Writers: Michael J. Bassett

• Stars: Adelaide Clemens, Sean Bean, Radha Mitchell, Carrie-Anne Moss

• Runtime: 94 minutes

• YouTube Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Little Sharon from the first movie is all grown up now into a teenager in her 20s and on the run and in hiding with her father. But the pull of Silent Hill is strong, and when dad vanishes she visits the town with a guy pal. It very much had the vibe of walking through a video game. Both of us thought it was on the dull side and lacked entertainment value, especially comparing it to the first one.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a woman running through a carnival while being pursued by cultists. The carnival rides are straight out of Hell, powered by the Pyramid-head man. “Do not go to Silent Hill,” warns one of the dead. No– it’s just a nightmare, and Heather wakes up.

Heather asks where her name comes from. She used to be Sharon, and now she’s Heather. Her father used to be Christopher, and now he’s Harry. She’s turning eighteen, and they’ve moved around a lot. She goes off to school, and Harry/Christopher remembers Rose, who’s been missing for so long, trapped in Silent Hill. She warns him that the cultists are still coming for their daughter.

At school, Heather is the new student, along with Vincent, another new kid. Between classes, Heather has a creepy flashback/vision.

Also, there’s a creepy man who seems to be following Heather, and she catches on to that right away, calling her father to meet her. The man chases her to the mall, where he calls her Sharon. He’s Douglas, a P.I. who has been hired to find her– by the cult. He knows about Silent Hill, and they want her back. He explains things to her as a monster attacks their elevator. He doesn’t live long.

Heather meets up with Vincent on the way out of the mall. Harry isn’t answering the phone; something might have gotten him. Vincent talks about his crazy Uncle Leonard, who’s been institutionalized.

Heather gets home and finds “Come to Silent Hill” written in blood on the wall, and her father is nowhere to be found. She and Vincent go through her father’s papers. The police have found Sharon through the P.I.’s papers, and now they suspect her of the murder. They also see the Silent Hill message on the wall.

On the way to Silent Hill, Heather reads to Vincent from her father’s notes on the town, the cult, and everything. The pyramid-head man is Elessa’s guardian and executioner. Alessa was the girl born to the cult to become a receptacle for their god, and she’s also probably Heather/Sharon. Vincent admits that he’s also been born and raised in Silent Hill, and it’s his job to get her to return.

Suddenly, the motel room melts around them and they’re soon attacked again. Heather leaves the motel and finds herself in Silent Hill, where it’s all gray and ashy. She soon runs into Dahilia, Alessa’s mother. The woman explains that the evil Alessa, who was burned alive, put her soul into a newborn orphan, Heather.

Heather then hides in a mannequin factory, and that get weird fast. Meanwhile, the cultists, led by Claudia, reward Vincent for bringing Heather to them; he’s put into the asylum for treatment.

Meanwhile, Heather breaks into the Silent Hill asylum to talk to Leonard, Vincent’s crazy uncle. Leonard says Claudia is corrupted by the darkness. Leonard is glad that the traitor Vincent is here now as well. He identifies half a key, and he has the other half, which he uses.

Elsewhere, a bunch of undead nurses kill Vincent’s guard and hack him to pieces. The nurses seem to be motion-activated, and he just waits until Heather releases him. They walk to a nearby abandoned amusement park.

Heather comes face to face with Elissa, and they don’t care much for one another. They are two halves of the same being, and Heather ends up absorbing her evil part. She walks through the cultists and finds her father.

Claudia shows up, looking all menacing, and monologues to Heather. They want their god to be born through Heather for some reason that even Claudia can’t explain. They want that key that she’s been carrying around to summon the god. The key reveals Claudia’s true form, which then has to fight pyramid-head for some reason. Heather and Vincent, who has just sort of shown up, untie Harry and head to the exit. Claudia loses her head, and Pyramid-head lumbers off alone.

Heather, Harry, and Vincent walk out of Silent Hill, but Harry warns that it’ll start up again soon. Harry wants to stay here and find Rose, who never came home after the first movie.

Heather and Vincent hitch a ride on a truck and leave town. They pass a whole bunch of police cars going into the silent town…

Brian’s Commentary

This starts out completely adding new stuff to the end of the first film so that this one has somewhere to go.

Kit Harrington’s American accent is atrocious, but otherwise, the actors and characters are OK. The creature effects and sets are also pretty good. It was filmed in 3D, and there are a few shots that highlight this, but it’s not excessive.

I assume this is all based on the videogame, as it’s basically Heather going from one weird situation to another with very little reason or story behind any of it. It all looks really cool, but I never really understood most of what was going on.

This was just awful on many levels.

Kevin’s Commentary

I think this one lacks the atmosphere and creepiness of Silent Hill that the first movie had. Heather is on a quest for the sake of questing, or at least that’s how it felt sometimes. Like a video game walkthrough. Which is what it’s based on. The story could be followed, but there were things that just popped up, and we are supposed to go with it without enough explanation.

I’m sure Kit Harington worked hard on his American accent, but it fluctuated noticeably.

I bet I would have enjoyed this one more if I were a fan of the video games. Or maybe not. It wasn’t paced very well and was on the dull side. I thought it was a big step down from the first one.

2004 Godzilla: Final Wars

• Director: Ryuhei Kitamura

• Writers: Isao Kiriyama and Wataru Mimura

• Stars: Masahiro Matsuoka, Rei Kikukawa, Don Frye

• Runtime: 125 minutes (2 hours, 5 minutes)

• YouTube Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This fiftieth anniversary movie is heavy on science fiction with super weapons, aliens, mutants, and many creatures in addition to Godzilla, and it takes place in 2044. There’s also a lot of hand-to-hand combat and fights that defy physics among humans, aliens, and mutants. This movie has it all. And unlike some of the other sequels, this one takes place in a world where apparently all the events of all the Godzilla movies have taken place. It’s a fun watch with loads of action and a lot crammed into it.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Godzilla versus a bunch of tanks. Suddenly, a crazy drill-vehicle bursts out of the mountains at the south pole and starts blasting. There’s an earthquake, and Godzilla falls into a crevasse. The screw-ship drops a mountain into the hole on top of him. Game over, they defeated Godzilla.

We get a report about how mankind has been so busy fighting the atomic monsters that they don’t fight with each other any more. Meanwhile, a new breed of human-mutants develops. They are the Earth Defense Force. Credits roll as we get a montage of all the previous films.

On the ocean floor, the screwship submarine Gotengo battles a giant snake, Manda. They freeze it and then shatter it. Captain Gordon and his ship win the battle, but now he’s facing court-martial.

We cut to two Earth Defense Force mutant-men fighting in an arena at M Organization. Afterward, they are evaluated. Kazama wins, Ozaki loses because he’s too soft and has a heart.

Miyuki, a biologist, is coming from the UN to examine a mummified monster they found. But she’s hot, so Ozaki is more than willing to play bodyguard. It’s some kind of alien cyborg that’s 12,000 years old. It has the same genetic markers as the modern mutants. How are they linked?

The Mothra fairies appear to them and explain that the monster is Gigan, and he destroyed everything 12,000 years ago. Mothra fought it, and the mutants have the same evil in their blood. They warn Ozaki about choosing evil and give him an amulet.

The UN Secretary General’s airplane is destroyed when something big flies by. In New York City, a flying monster attacks the ghetto. It’s Rodan, and he’s very destructive to the skyscrapers. Anguirus and King Caesar have shown up in other cities. Other CGI monsters are appearing all over the world, all at once.

The humans do their best against the monsters, but there are a lot of them. Even Minilla, Baby Godzilla, shows up. Basically, all the Toho monsters show up in one form or another (I don’t even know who some of them are). The mutants lock and load and get on the case, fighting Ebirah, the giant shrimp. They beat it, but then the body vanishes. Likewise, Rodan and Aguirus vanish as well; aliens are abducting the beasts.

The UFO stops right outside the EDF headquarters. An alien beams down– no, it’s the head of the UN; the aliens saved him from the air disaster. He says they’re friendly. The aliens say they come in peace from Planet X. They’re Xilians. They warn that Planet Gorath is on a collision course with Earth in about a year.

The United Nations becomes the Space Nations, and everyone cheers. Not everyone, as the variety shows all have debates about it. Ozaki wonders if the Xillians are related to Gigan somehow. Miyuki notices that the leader of the UN doesn’t blink since his “rescue.” He’s been corrupted by the Xiloans somehow and is no longer human. The EDF leader is also on the wrong side.

Scientists figure out that Planet Gorath is a hologram, and the threat has been a hoax. Ozaki picks out the only man he knows isn’t corrupted: Captain Gordon. Gordon wastes no time exposing the aliens’ true form and killing the head of the UN. The second-command of the Xilians then kills the leader and takes over. He doesn’t want to play nice; humans are just food, and he controls the monsters anyway. It’s now mutants versus aliens, but the mutants can’t resist X’s control and turn against the good guys.

Somehow, this leads into a motorcycle chase through the city between Ozaki and Kazama. Meanwhile, Commander X wakes up Gigan, who immediately goes on a rampage. All the other monsters are released as well.

Minilla and his new human friends see the destruction and escape in a pickup truck. Captain Gordon gets to the Gotenga and talks to the crew about waking up Godzilla. Godzilla doesn’t have the M-Base gene, so the aliens can’t control him.

The Gotengo makes it to the South Pole and wakes up Godzilla, who is not happy. Gigan is there, and the fight commences. One blast of atomic breath, and Gigan loses his head.

Next up is Zilla, the GINA from the 1998 film. He doesn’t last long, and neither does the Sydney Opera House. One stop after another, Godzilla cleans up the South Sea (South CGI?) Islands.

Godzilla makes it to the Tokyo region, and Minilla wants to get closer to him. Godzilla takes on King Caesar, Rodan, and Anguirus all at the same time, and it takes a minute or two: Godzilla is way overpowered here.

Gotenga attacks the alien mothership, and Kazma gets his chance at redemption by flying into the mothership and blows up the reactor in the center which disables the ship’s shields. The Gotenga crew gets captured.

The Mothra fairies finally send Mothra, who kills heads to Tokyo, where Ebirah and the Smog Monster are fighting each other.

Commander X has one more trick up his sleeve. A meteorite from space comes crashing down, and inside it is Monster X, a new baddie. The two seem evenly matched until Mothra shows up to fight the upgraded Gigan. Meanwhile, Command X explains to Ozaki that he’s a Keizer, a superhuman hybrid.

The four monsters continue to fight. Ozaki, now the “Chosen One,” has all kinds of powers to beat the evil Xilians. He fights hand to hand with Commander X. Everyone fights for a long time. After a lot of talk, Ozaki beats the crap out of Commander X, who sets the ship to self-destruct.

Everyone makes their way back to the Gotenga and they work to get out before it’s too late.

Down on the ground, Godzilla and Monster X go at it with atomic breath. Monster X starts to mutate and grows three– uh-oh, he’s really been King Ghidorah all this time. Ghidorah bites Godzilla with all three heads and starts to drain his life force. Only Ozaki can help now. He supercharges the Gotenga with “Infinity Power” and energizes Godzilla again. Godzilla starts ripping heads off, and the battle is soon over.

Godzilla then turns against the Gotenga, and he just doesn’t know when to quit. As he moves in for the kill, Godzilla sees Minilla come running in and pauses. Minilla tells his dad that he’s done enough and they should go home– which they do.

Now it’s time to clean up all the mess. Godzilla and Minilla swim off into the sunset…

Brian’s Commentary

Wow!

This is the 50th anniversary of Godzilla. It’s all very futuristic sci-fi, with flying ships and super submarines– it takes place in 2044, and apparently physics works differently in that year. There’s not much left of Earth after this one.

They really just threw everything into this one. Monsters, mutants, mayhem, and machines all over the place. It is so incredibly over the top that we couldn’t help but laugh a few times. It’s excessively long at more than two hours, but they’ve got a lot to deal with.

This is the last film in the “Millennium Series” and was the last live-action Godzilla film until “Godzilla” (2014), an American release came out. It didn’t do terribly well at the box office, which is weird because it’s got literally everything.

It’s way, way overblown to the point of ridiculousness, but I liked it

Kevin’s Commentary

I think this is the most science fiction loaded of any of the Godzilla movies so far. And there’s definitely some influences from “The Matrix” in the human fights and action scenes.

They fully embraced the CGI in this one, with multiple scenes being entirely CGI. But there are also plenty of practical puppets and guys in rubber suits and little model cities getting stomped and blown up. So much collateral damage in this one.

This was a good time, and I’d recommend it.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 NFT: Cursed Images

• Directed by: Jonas Odenheimer

• Written by: Jonas Odenheimer

• Stars: Najarra Townsend, David Wayman, Mariah Nonnemacher

• Run Time: 1 hour 13 minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s 2021 and NFTs are hot. A group of young friends in London start having some big troubles when they receive some that have curses attached. The rules and the ending seemed a little unclear, but we both liked it more than disliked it, with Kevin being a bit more favorable toward it.

Spoilery Synopsis

A couple walks home late at night. Sue thinks she sees something and gets spooked. She talks about how an NFT scared her. Her friend is making a lot of money with them, and her friend passed one on to her. There are supposed to be dozens of these cursed images that are shared online. Sue can’t get through to her friend now. Suddenly, Mark vanishes. When Sue tries to call the police, all she sees on her phone is that NFT. Credits roll.

It’s 2021, and NFTs are still a thing. Kit is a successful NFT trader. Dan complains about being a Millennial and the current job market. There are Boomer and Doomer jokes. The whole group got rich with crypto, except for poor Dan, who’s a whiner.

James doesn’t know what an NFT is, and the others can’t explain it to make sense. Julie and Cass arrive, and Kit’s not happy about that. The women have exactly the same thoughts about the men. They all seem to be infatuated with NFTs– it’s even better than crypto!

The group talks James and Dan into buying some NFTs right now. They explain the nonsense that is an NFT. Kit suddenly has seven NFTs transferred to his account out of the blue. It’s from a collection called “Crypto Horrors.” Sarah’s heard of those, they’re real cursed images. There are only 666 of them, and they get Airdropped to you at random. He sends each person one of them.

The party breaks up, and everyone leaves. Later, Kit wakes up to a weird stretchy-faced ghost woman in his room.

Cass remembers that she left her phone at Kit’s place, and Julia suggests asking James to go back and get it. Sarah walks home and gets texts from Kit’s phone, but the person texting isn’t Kit. She soon finds out who’s stalking her.

James and Cass go back to Kit’s for her phone. They find the place a mess, and then Cass wants to go check on Sarah, who also isn’t answering her phone.

We cut to Dan, who is also walking home in an isolated tunnel. Something is chasing him. Julia: The same.

Nes is watching YouTube videos about NFTs and gets a panicked call from Dan, who says he saw his NFT chasing him. Dan believes in the curse now and every one is unique just like NFTs are, but Nes just laughs it off. All the NFTs are based on old legends, and possibly real curses. Julia also comes to Nes, and she’s been experiencing the same thing as Dan. James also calls and tells him that Kit and Sarah have gone missing. Julia leaves, and her monster gets her right after. Nes takes a show and gets his.

James arrives at Nes’s house, talking to Dan on the phone all the while. He sees Nas’s NFT there and scares it away by showing it a reflection of itself, like Dan tipped him off should work. Dan says if that worked, then maybe they do have a chance against the curse. Dan looks up Cass’s curse and says it can be stopped by striking it with a sword.

Meanwhile, James’s own NFT comes after him, as does Dan’s. Dan is attacked, but his monster goes away suddenly. He gets a notification that his NFT has sold for .5 ETH. He’s free of the curse. Dan calls James and tells him to sell or transfer his NFT right now. James transfers his right then; Dan gets the notification that it was transferred to him. Dan dies right away.

Dan calls Cass and tells her to dump that NFT right away. She says she already gave it away to some random guy on Twitter. Cass goes to Sarah’s place and talks to her corpse. It possesses her somehow, which gives James a final scare.

Brian’s Commentary

The background music is occasionally too loud; it’s often hard to follow all the British people talking due to the noise. The visuals are all pretty good, as is the acting. The creatures themselves are not particularly impressive, but we mostly only get glimpses of them.

I’ve done crypto, but I never understood NFTs at all. Of course, I was eventually proved right on those. Even today, I still don’t understand where the value was supposed to come from. Still, the only thing they normally kill in real life is your net worth.

I like the idea of cursed NFTS, and that they appear from nowhere. The ending made no real sense. Are the victims killed or possessed? Cass should have been spared, but the monsters weren’t following their own rules.

It’s a neat concept, but the actual story was a little underwhelming.

Kevin’s Commentary

We could have used subtitles. Perhaps it was just in the quality of our screener.

I thought the party was a bit draggy at first, but things move quickly once that breaks up with the NFTs doing their thing that very night. The digitized creature effects are brief, but pretty cool. All the effects do the job well.

Like Brian points out, the monsters don’t seem to follow the rules, and the ending was a little unclear. But overall, I was entertained, which is what really counts. It’s a pretty good one.

2025 Haunters of the Silence

• Director: Tatu Heikkinen, Veleda Thorsson-Heikkinen

• Writers: Tatu Heikkinen, Veleda Thorsson-Heikkinen

• Stars: Tatu Heikkinen (as K.), John Haughm (as Hat Man), Veleda Thorsson-Heikkinen (as Wife)

• Runtime: 1 hour 11 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The IMDB description says “In the stillness of night, a man is trapped between worlds. As darkness closes in and reality blurs, he must confront the Haunters of the Silence.” and it’s hard to pin down more of a story than that. The visuals are very cool, sound and music is effective, and Tatu Heikkinen is completely natural going about through his days and haunted nights.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man walks along the beach and eventually stops to dump someone’s ashes into the water. As he drives home, credits roll.

The man, K, sits in his house, and we see photos and things of his wife, who is apparently the one who died. He goes to sleep, and we see all around his house. An alert from his porch camera wakes him up, and he goes out to investigate. Finding nothing, he goes back inside and checks inside the house. More weird stuff happens after he goes back to bed, so he searches some more. He falls to the floor and starts hallucinating.

K runs through the misty forest and comes to an abandoned building. It all gets pretty surreal and weird. After a while, he starts being pursued by a man in a hat. K wakes up when he gets a phone call from his father. He then dreams about skulls and bones followed by many other weird visuals.

K wakes up and sees his wife at the bottom of the bed. “It’s OK,” she says. We then hear a recording of a poem, “The Haunters of the Silence.”

The alarm goes off, and K gets out of bed. He makes some tea and goes outside. Suddenly, it’s the middle of the night again. He’s still in the dream, and he can’t get out. The man in the hat comes into his bedroom and– the film ends.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s super slow-moving and atmospheric. Everything is hazy and dreamlike, which reflects the main character’s state of mind after losing his wife. It was inspired by the director/writer/star’s experience with sleep paralysis. It’s all very visual, but there’s no real plot to speak of; it’s just K and what he sees, or imagines he sees. There’s also no real dialogue, as K is alone through the whole film.

It’s basically a nightmare on film. It’s surprisingly relaxing, and I almost caught myself going to sleep a couple of times, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s unique and weird!

Kevin’s Commentary

I’d say the visuals are the number one thing going for this. Very cool.

There is a nightmare quality to many of the scenes, and the whole thing is surreal. Without much of a story. A guy in mourning attends therapy, takes medication, tries to get through his days, and looks like he’s having nightmares with sleep paralysis.

I agree with Brian, I found it more relaxing than disturbing. I’d say that I liked it.

2025 Forty Five

• Directed by: Bazz Hancher

• Written by: Bazz Hancher, Michael Walcott

• Stars: Benedict Bareford, Sean Botha, Ryan Brunt

• Run Time: 40 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

After Fallon loses his daughter, his search for answers leads him on a surreal and creepy quest wrapped up in religious prophecy. It builds well as it goes along until a chilling finish. We were both impressed.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get a Biblical math lesson; it is the end of days– 45 days to go. It’s June 6th, 2022. Police and detectives examine a crime scene out in a field. A young girl was murdered and bitten, some kind of ritual killing.

Three years later, Carson and Fallon talk about “45” whoever that is. 45 is dangerous, and whoever gets close to him dies. Despite the warning, Fallon, the dead girl’s father, still wants to know more. Fallon goes to see Father Vaughn, who knows something about the case.

Vaughn talks about the Book of Daniel and the end times. He believes that 45 killed Fallon’s daughter, and he’s also involved with the Antichrist and the end of the world through a holy war. Fallon’s daughter may have been sent by God to defeat the Antichrist, which is why she was killed. As soon as Fallon leaves, the old priest collapses and dies.

Several times, we see the ghost of Fallon’s daughter in the background, but he doesn’t notice. Fallon goes to visit Blake, the detective who was in charge of the case three years ago. “Do you know what you’re getting into?” says the sickly, dying detective. He also warns Fallon to stop investigating. The closer Blake got to finding 45, the sicker he got; it’s like cancer, but it’s not.

Fallon next goes to a weird woman who has been beaten. She’s a disciple of forty-five; a false prophet. She gets intense.

Fallon wakes up with forty-five. The goatman creature admits everything and explains it all. Fallon gets a vision of himself being his daughter’s killer as he passes out.

Brian’s Commentary

As an American, I found the accents a little difficult, and I watch lots of British films. There was a good bit of dialogue from some characters that I just missed out on, which detracted from my understanding of what was going on.

It’s all very ominous and most of the film builds suspense as Fallon digs deeper into the problem. The visuals are excellent, and it all looks great.

Kevin’s Commentary

I agree with Brian on the accents, but I got used to them as it got going and could understand it clearly.

I thought it builds nicely, was creepy and unsettling, and it looks really good. IMDB says the estimated budget was only $2,700.00, if that’s correct it’s especially impressive for such a small sum.

I give it a thumbs up.

2025 Obex

• Director: Albert Birney

• Writers: Albert Birney, Pete Ohs

• Stars: Albert Birney (Conor), Frank Mosley (Victor)

• Runtime: 90 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eG9VrEeKk-I

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Conor leads a quiet isolated life at home with his dog, computer, and media in 1987. And everything is so normal until he plays the computer game OBEX. Then reality and digital start to blur together when he goes on a quest to find his missing dog inside the game. It’s slow moving and fascinating, kind of surreal. We both really enjoyed it.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s 1987. Conor watches three TVs at once. He feeds the dog and takes out the trash; he seems normal enough. He watches a show about people making a cicada omelette. He then types in and prints off an ASCII portrait on his computer.

Mary comes to the door, bringing groceries, but he doesn’t let her in– he apparently never leaves the house. After she leaves, he checks the mail, and finds that he’s got a new computer magazine. He’s got an ad in there about his photo art service. He turns the page and sees an ad for a new game called OBEX. It promises to “insert you into the game.” Cool! He records a video that tells the gamemakers about himself so that he can be put into a game. He has a weird dream about his dead mother.

The OBEX game soon arrives in the mail. He loads it right in and gets started. The game actually has Conor’s image in it. It’s clunky by today’s standards, but he seems to enjoy it for a minute or two. It doesn’t do much, so he quickly gives up and deletes it.

Mary comes to the door, asking if he’s found blood in his milk. He looks outside and sees a dying cicada. The cicadas are everywhere in his backyard, and he constantly sees them. He gets back to work digitizing children’s photos but the picture is ruined by a cicada in his printer. That night, it’s another nightmare but then he wakes up when he hears the printer working. It says “Remove your skin” over and over.

The next night, the TVs come on by themselves, the OBEX game comes onto the computer, and a glowing creature comes out of the TVs from the game. It wanders around the house and notices Sandy the dog.

In the morning, Sandy the dog is gone, missing. Conor goes looking for his dog out in the nearby woods and finds his computer out there, still with the OBEX game running. Sandy the dog is now inside the game, along with cicadas. All of a sudden, Conor is inside the game as well, now with a long beard and surrounded by little fairies. He runs into a videogame version of Mary, who is an NPC now. She tells him about the demon king Ixaroth, who took Sandy. She gives him supplies and tells him where to go.

Conor walks through the Dark Forest as it’s shown on the gaming map. He camps in the “Meadow of Regrets.” The next day, he comes across a pair of humanoid cicadas torturing a humanoid TV monitor. Conor kills the baddies with his sword. The TV man is Victor. The two find a car that reminds Conor of his mother. Victor speculates on what TV Heaven might be like.

That night, he stops when he sees a naked woman and man in the road. They start to spin and lose their skins– they’re just skeletons. They attack him, and he sees “Game Over” in the sky. He does, however, get the option to “Retry.”

Conor wakes up with Victor and Mary; he’s reborn, and they soon restart their journey to the dark castle. They soon arrive at the Nightmare Realm but there’s a big combination padlock keeping the gate shut.

In the morning, Conor has aged significantly. Victor has opened the gate, but died in the attempt. Conor enters the videogame castle, and it’s full of cicada-men. He finds Sandy’s bones, and there’s also a wolf– and Freddy Krueger. All his worst nightmares come to life all at once. Eventually, Ixaroth appears and demands that Conor remove his skin. Conor attacks and defeats Ixaroth.

We, and Conor himself, watches as Sandy and Conor’s avatar reunite and go to the beach. “The End” comes up on the computer screen, and Conor exits out of the game. The two then go to the beach for real– happy ending!

Brian’s Commentary

I loved all the old computer technology, although I never imagined people did that kind of ASCII art by hand. The rest of it– I remember. The black-and-white makes it all seem more surreal, and it does fit in a bunch of old videogame tropes.

It’s slow-moving, and there’s not much action, but the concept and execution are really interesting, and it never gets dull. I liked this one a lot.

Kevin’s Commentary

It was a quiet nostalgia trip through 1987 at first, watching Conor go through his days. Then things get weird when he plays OBEX.

For such a slow moving film, I kept expecting to get bored, but I didn’t. It’s strange and very good.

2006 Silent Hill

• Director: Christophe Gans

• Writers: Roger Avary

• Stars: Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Laurie Holden, Deborah Kara Unger, Kim Coates, Tanya Allen, Alice Krige, Jodelle Ferland

• Runtime: 126 minutes

• Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Little Sharon has a strange ailment that makes her sleepwalk and have hallucinations, so adopted mother Rose takes her to Silent Hill trying to find answers. She ends up having a weird and dark adventure - almost like a horror video game. Which the movie is based from. The effects and story are creepy, but we both thought at over two hours long it gets draggy and repetitive here and there.

Spoilery Synopsis

Sharon has gone missing in the middle of the night. Her mother, Rose, runs through the woods after her and arrives at a huge waterfall. She sees Sharon on a nearby cliff and tackles her. Sharon screams “Silent Hill” over and over. Christopher, the father, catches up to them and carries Sharon home. Credits roll.

Sometime later, Rose asks Sharon about Silent Hill and her sleepwalking. Sharon doesn’t remember any of it, so they’re going there for a visit– without Sharon’s father. He looks on Rose’s computer, and it’s full of information about “The Tainted Town,” the ghost town of Silent Hill. Christopher says Sharon needs to be in a hospital, under medication. Could Sharon have come from there?

Rose and Sharon stop at a gas station for directions to Silent Hill. A strange policewoman stops and talks to Sharon. They break through the fence to Silent Hill with the cop in pursuit, and that goes badly when they crash.

When Rose wakes up, ash is falling from the sky, and Sharon is gone. The sign says, “Welcome to Silent Hill.” She walks on into town, and it’s completely abandoned and hard to see through the falling ash. She sees someone running in the distance and gives chase, but cannot catch up. An air-raid siren goes off. She goes down a tunnel into a big maze of corridors. Then she runs into hundreds of little mutant-children-looking things that chase her.

Somehow, Rose makes it back outside. She runs into a woman outside who says “We’ve all lost our children.”

Christopher talks to a mechanic about Silent Hill, a town that still has a coal fire burning underneath it. He comes to the gate that Rose broke through and talks to the cops there. Rose’s vehicle has been found empty, and the cop mentions he’s also missing a deputy. They drive into town, and it looks completely different to them: abandoned, but normal.

The police officer, Bennet, catches Rose and handcuffs her. They start walking, but soon reach the “end of the world” and cannot leave town. They soon encounter an armless wobbling mutant, and Bennett ends up shooting it.

Rose continues exploring the abandoned town and seeing weird things. She encounters strange men in gas masks and hides in a school. The siren goes off again, and Rose finds the room she’s in decaying before her eyes. The gas mask men are eaten by giant cockroaches.

We see that Christopher and Officer Gucci are searching in the same physical location as where Rose actually is, but it’s in a parallel universe or something. Things get crazy, and Rose runs back into Office Bennett again, and this time, she’s more open to cooperation. The pyramid-head man has quite a knife, and he’s not afraid to use it. They drive him off for a while and get out of the building.

Chris doesn’t believe the police about what happened to Silent Hill, but the archivist refuses to help him. He breaks into the library that night and reads through the old records. He finds a photo of Sharon; maybe she did come from Silent Hill.

Rose and Bennett head toward a large hotel and suspect that Sharon might be inside. They meet Anna, another mother of a missing child. She lives with Christobella, who keeps them safe; there are others here. They enter room 111, where they find a girl who looks just like Sharon; she’s Alessa. Anna screams, “The darkness is coming,” and they all run to the church. Dahlia, a crazy woman, warns Rose not to go with the others as they’re all dead. Pyramid-head shows up and does something really bad to Anna.

Inside the church, the people point at Bennett and Rose and call them witches. The leader, Christobella, comes to them. She talks about the demon who takes children. It’s all very cult-ish.

Christopher goes to the orphanage where he adopted Sharon, and wants to know where she came from. Officer Gucci arrests Chris for disturbing the peace. Gucci talks about Alessa, and how she was killed thirty years ago.

A group of the cultists, led by Christobella, takes the two outsider women to a huge building where the demon is said to live. Rose takes an elevator to the lower levels, but the cultists beat Bennett half to death. Rose encounters a roomful of undead nurses, but they seem to only be active when her light is on. She switches it off and walks among them– until they wake up and attack anyway.

Rose hears Sharon/Alessa’s voice, and it tells about what happened to Alessa and her mother, Dahlia. The locals kidnapped Alessa and killed her for a sacrifice, but that went badly for the whole town. Alessa was horribly burned, and her hate grew so strong that she gained mental powers to get revenge on the town. Turns out, Sharon is Alessa’s own daughter, given to the orphanage to protect her from the monsters.

In the church, Christobella plans to finish what she started by sacrificing Sharon. They burn Bennett first. Rose shows up and talks about the world outside, at least until Christobella stabs her.

Suddenly, a hole opens in the floor and barbed wire snakes out. The real Alessa rises up, still confined to her bed, and she grabs Christobella with the wire. The wires and Rose set about slaughtering all the cultists. Dahlia comes in and recognizes her daughter.

In the morning, Rose and Sharon wake up and leave the church. They walk to the car and drive back out of the town, across the bridge. She calls Chris to say they’re coming home.

They arrive at their home, but it’s all dim and foggy, not like the sunny world that Chris still lives in. They’re still in two different worlds even though they’re in the same room…

Brian’s Commentary

Sean Bean didn’t die? Huh. Actually, he only interacted with Rose for a minute at the beginning, otherwise, his part is mostly unrelated to the action.

I’ve played a little bit of the original game, way back when it came out in 1999, and they’ve definitely got the atmosphere of the game here.

It’s well over two hours long, and it does drag quite a bit. Overall the visuals are excellent, but the story really drags in the middle.

It’s a weird one, for sure.

Kevin’s Commentary

It certainly does have a video game vibe to it.

The shots of the police and husband searching the “real” Silent Hill in the same locations simultaneously that Rose was in those same locations in the underworld was cool.

I liked the atmosphere, effects, and story, but it’s on the long side and drags after a while.

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The Horror Guys Guide to the Tremors Films and TV Series

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Mainstream Films:

2018 Lake Placid: Legacy

• Director: Darrell Roodt

• Writers: Johnathon Lloyd Walker, Matt Venables, and Jeremy Smith

• Stars: Katherine Barrell, Tim Rozon, Sai Bennett, and Joe Pantoliano

• Runtime: 93 minutes (or 1 hour 33 minutes)

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a sequel to “Lake Placid vs Anaconda” as well as a sequel to the Lake Placid standalone movies. A group of eco-warrior urban explorers FAFO when they break into a fenced off decommissioned research compound. It wasn’t anything we haven’t seen before, but it’s well put together. It moves well and entertains.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open in Seattle, WA, where four people sit in a tiny car and conspire about exposing corporate greed. And urban exploration. And hacking. As they break into Wenoco Corp, we cut back and forth with a man running through the woods, terrified. Wenco Corp looks like a Star Trek set on the inside. The eco-terrorists drop a “Wenoco = Death” banner off the roof. Meanwhile, something unseen eats the man in the woods. Credits roll.

Alice doesn’t approve of the urban explorer/eco-terrorist stuff that her sister Jade leads. Sam, Billy, and Spencer are just in it for the rush. Sam gets a challenge from Dane for “one last quest” that has a $100,000 prize for the first one in. The place they need to go is off-limits, even deleted from Google Earth. It’s supposed to be a place where a toxic spill happened twenty-something years ago. Pennie and Travis don’t want to go anywhere near a place with radiation, if that story is even true.

The group arrives at the electric fence, and there’s definitely no radiation. The electric fence doesn’t work or is turned off for some reason. When they get inside, they do soil samples; there’s no contamination here, either. Why the fence?

Pennie and Travis drop the others off at a dock and promise to wait 30 minutes before they leave them. The others walk through a construction site. They soon find Dane’s camp, but Dane isn’t there. The place is wrecked, but they find a camera. It shows Dane being chased by some kind of monster. Then they find body parts, but Spencer thinks it’s all a prank– until they find half of Gomez, Dane’s assistant. They all run back to the boat, which suffers an accident, along with Travis.

Everyone talks, whines, screams, and argues all at the same time. The group finds a dark tunnel with a grate that’s been broken through and decides it’s a good idea to go inside. The group gets split up. Billy, Spencer, and Pennie head back to the dock while Sam, Alice, Jade, go deeper into the facility.

The inside group finds a lab with power while the outside group tries to boost their cellphone signal to call for help on the dock. Inside, the group learns that the facility was breeding giant crocodiles for some reason. Outside, Spencer and Pennie get eaten.

Sam and his group find Dane, still alive, down in the tunnels. They also run into Henderson, whom Dane has tied up for getting them all into this situation. He used to work for the corporation and explains about the genetically modified formerly extinct species that was supposed to cure cancer. He sounds believable with his motivations.

Billy calls 911 with his boosted phone, but he’s doubtful they could trace to source. Billy then loses his head, so he’s not gonna try again. In the confusion, Henderson sneaks away. Everyone else has to swim through a flooded tunnel for no obvious reason. The monster catches Dane and tears him up.

Henderson, in the meantime, wanders right into the big crocodile’s main nest and is torn in half.

Sam comes up with a cockamamie plan to blow up the whole place by sacrificing himself with canisters of propane as the two girls run back the way they came. Sam’s plan fails non-spectacularly.

Alice faces the monster eye-to-eye, but then Jade gets in one of the construction machines and starts it right up after being outside, abandoned for twenty-five years. She pins the crocodile and then covers it in fuel. The croc goes boom!

The two girls then swim off the island, but then we see they’re being followed…

Brian’s Commentary

It plays fast and loose with the lore from the previous films, as the whole corporate angle only marginally applied to the “Vs” film. On the other hand, the lab and facility were nice sets and they probably hoped there would be more sequels.

There’s supposed to be just one crocodile, but it’s both simultaneously inside the tunnel and out eating Billy at the same time. Its size also fluctuates depending on where it is.

It’s all fairly predictable in every way, but it wasn’t boring. If you’re looking for more CGI-croc action, this movie… exists.

Kevin’s Commentary

The poster is especially cool for this one.

I had a fundamental dislike of the eco-arrogant characters, which made it difficult to root for them. The croc tended to move from place to place and size to size as plot required (though we do find out at the very end it wasn’t really just one). And it wasn’t anything we haven’t seen before.

But those issues aside, I thought the whole thing was pretty well made and entertaining. The pacing is good without much down time, and the settings are great.

2003 Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.

• Director: Masaaki Tezuka

• Writers: Masaaki Tezuka, Masahiro Yokotani

• Stars: Noboru Kaneko, Miho Yoshioka, Mitsuki Koga, Masami Nagasawa, Chihiro Otsuka, Koh Takasugi, Hiroshi Koizumi, Akira Nakao

• Runtime: 91 minutes (1 hour, 31 minutes)

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Mothra and the fairies are back to warn Japan they need to return the bones of Godzilla used to make Mechagodzilla to the ocean to rebalance nature. But they repair Mechagodzilla just in time for Godzilla’s return, so there’s a big creature battle. We both thought this one looked good, but it was only middling. A bit on the bland side.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on Mechagodzilla, back in the base as the people do checks on the system. We then cut to the deep sea, where Godzilla wakes up. In the Caroline Islands, there is wind. In Hawaii, the Americans detect something on the radar– it’s Mothra! Credits roll.

The news reporter reminds us about the battle with Godzilla in the previous film– Mechgodzilla is still under repair from that one. Godzilla hasn’t been spotted in months, but he’s still out there somewhere.

Yoshi talks to his little nephew, Shun, about being a fighter pilot. He’d love to pilot the Mech-G. The grandfather is Professor Chujo. Suddenly, the two mini-fairies show up in the living room and want to talk to him. The old man knows them from way back in the first Mothra adventure, 43 years ago. They want him to send Godzilla’s bones back to the sea and not use them to build weapons like Mech-G. Yoshi argues that we need Mechagodizilla for protection, but the girls say Mothra will protect them– or else Mothra will destroy humanity.

There’s some debate on whether or not the presence of Godzilla’s bones is what attracted the new Godzilla in the previous film. Maybe they should get rid of those bones.

Grandpa Chujo tells Shun about his original adventure with Mothra, and he’s got photos to back it up. At the base, Yoshi and Azusa, from the previous film, know each other and talk about piloting. Yoshi goes in and looks at Mechgodzilla while remembering the fairies’ threat.

Chujo talks to the Prime Minister about cancelling the Mechagodzilla project. The leader has no other defenses against Godzilla and the monsters; they need MechaGodzilla, even if its absolute zero freeze-ray hasn’t been repaired yet.

Some giant creature washed up on shore, dead. It’s a giant sea turtle, but it was killed by something even bigger– like Godzilla. Meanwhile, Godzilla runs into, and rips apart, an American submarine.

Yoshi gets called to testify about the meeting with the Mothra fairies and what they promised. Meanwhile, Godzilla is heading toward Tokyo again. Shun steals Chujo’s Mothra-calling stone and tries to signal Mothra for help. It works very quickly.

Godzilla is heading straight for the Mecha base; his bones are attracting him. Inside, the men scramble to get Mechagodzilla working.

Mothra attacks Godzilla as the fairies sing to an egg back on their island. The big Mothra gets injured, and the humans decide they have to launch Mechagodzilla to assist.

Soon, the two Zillas are fighting, and many buildings in Tokyo pay the price. Mothra gets shot down just as his replacement egg hatches into two Mothras! The two soon set out across the ocean.

Yoshi drives around the deserted city looking for Chujo and Shun. The worms arrive and start spraying Godzilla with their silky strings. Meanwhile, old-Mothra is still alive and giving them advice– at least until she gets nuclear-blasted by Godzilla.

Mechagodzilla is dead. It can’t get up. Yoshi calls the commander and says he can fix it. What choice do they have? The fairies want Mecha-G dead, but they help Yoshi on the way to the repair anyway. He gets the problem fixed, but he also finds out that he’s trapped inside the thing.

The fight continues, and Mechagodzilla’s got some surprises to use against the bog lizard. The hyper-maser really annoys Godzilla. Mechagodzikka and Yoshi decide to stand by and let the Mothra worms disable Godzilla. The fairies insist that the Godzilla bones be returned to the sea. Suddenly, Mechagodzilla starts moving with a mind of its own, grabs the paralyzed Godzilla, and flies out into the ocean.

Azusa figures out that Yoshi is still on board Mech-G and shoots the sealed hatch open. He jumps out and is impossibly rescued in mid-air. The two Godzillas fall into the ocean and sink to the bottom. The Mothra worms swim back where they came from with the fairies.

Brian’s Commentary

How fast could the Mothra worms swim to get from their island to Tokyo during a single battle?

This one is all about the fighting monsters, and the human characters all suffer lack of development. They don’t really do much. Because of this, I think it’s a little dull– men in rubber suits fighting gets old fairly quickly.

This takes place not long after the previous film. Everything is sharp and clear and modern, but it’s almost too clear– the buildings look much more like models than they used to. The creatures, on the other hand, look better than ever, as do the planes, machines, and other CGI things.

Kevin’s Commentary

This one didn’t feel like much of anything that I hadn’t seen before. It all looks pretty good, with the creature fighting and collateral damage we’ve grown to expect. It’s just all on the bland side. I didn’t care much for this one.

2026 Primate

• Director: Johannes Roberts

• Writers: Johannes Roberts, Ernest Riera

• Stars (Cast): Johnny Sequoyah, Troy Kotsur, Jessica Alexander, Gia Hunter, Victoria Wyant, Miguel Torres Umba

• Runtime: 89 minutes (1 hour 29 minutes)

• YouTube Link for Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a beloved and tame pet chimpanzee gets rabies, things go bad quickly. It becomes a game of who will survive as a group is trapped and the body count rises. The effects are mostly practical, which is appreciated, though the chimp is an actor in prosthetics most of the time, and it’s not a perfect illusion. There are comparisons to “Cujo,” with people trapped by a rabid animal. The violence is brutal, and the situation is tense. It was pretty good.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get some text explaining about the symptoms of hydrophobia/rabies and that there’s no cure after 48 hours.

Lambert opens a large cage and goes inside to give Ben the ape his snack. Ben’s not feeling well right now and rips the man’s face right off. As credits roll, we see news articles about a famous sign-language-using chimp.

36 hours earlier, Lucy boards a plane to go home for a visit to Hawaii with Kate, Hannah, Nick, and friends. Lucy’s dad will be away at work, so the group starts planning a party. Lucy’s father, Adam, is deaf, and he works with apes for sign-language. Her sister, Erin, is annoyed that Lucy’s been gone for so long. The little chimp, Ben, uses a machine to talk, and he’s very smart.

Hannah visits the pool and runs into Ben, who drools and stares at the water oddly. Adam takes Ben to his cage and finds a dead mongoose in there. He also finds that Ben’s been bitten by the thing.

Night falls, and all the teens do teen things. We get the scene with the man in the cage getting his face ripped off again that night. Kate runs into Ben in the kitchen, and he’s weird and scary now.

Everyone argues about what to do with Ben; Hannah wants to shoot him. They call Lambert and hear his phone ringing up in the enclosure. Ben then takes out a big chunk of Erin’s leg. They all jump in the pool to keep away from the crazy ape, but Erin won’t stop bleeding. Lucy figures out that Ben must have rabies. Soon, they all find themselves trapped in the pool.

The pool is situated on the edge of a cliff, and Nick tries to push Ben over the edge. It’s Nick who ends up going over, and it’s an impossible drop. Lucy tries to get to a dropped phone, but Hannah ends up partially scalped. They do manage to reach the two boys from the airplane on the damaged phone, but they don’t sound like the helpful type. And the phone ends up ruined at the bottom of the pool.

Meanwhile, Adam’s at a book signing and gets word that the mongoose that bit Ben had rabies. He thinks it’s a mistake, since there is no rabies in Hawaii.

The girls find that Ben has gone, so they get out of the pool and head back up to the main house. Lucy and Kate go inside for a phone and accidentally turn on the loud TV, which draws Ben. They hide in a closet and wait for him to go away. They make a run for it, but Ben catches up to Kate and smooshes her head with a rock.

Drew and Brad, the doofuses from the airplane, break in the front door, having no idea anything is going on. Ben hears them immediately, and Drew gives him some lip. Brad doesn’t fare any better. Hannah uses the distraction to grab a phone and car keys and go out the front door. She gets in the wrong car, though, so that’s not good. She calls 911 but doesn’t know the address. Ben, in the meantime, has the keys to her car and lets himself right in.

Meanwhile, Lucy and Erin are still trapped in the pool. Adam, aware that something’s possibly wrong, comes home early. Ben and Lucy fight right behind him, but he doesn’t hear a thing. Eventually, he finds Drew’s body and knows what’s happening.

Ben attacks the two sisters until Adam shows up with his whistle. Adam and Ben have a fistfight, but Ben is nearly unstoppable. Adam stabs the chimp with a broken wine bottle, and things calm down. Of course, Ben gets up and makes one final leap, but ends up dying in the process.

Lucy, Erin, and Adam all go to the hospital. The family who kept an illegal chimp in Hawaii and let it get rabies is fine, but all their innocent guests are dead… So, happy ending, I guess?

Brian’s Commentary

It’s “Cujo” with a chimp and swimming pool instead of a dog and VW. The ape is mostly done with practical effects, but I was surprised at how unrealistic and unexpressive it looked.

I thought the fake looking ape detracted a lot. CGI might actually have been better. Other than that, it used a lot of the usual horror tropes and ideas. It was… alright, but not great.

Kevin’s Commentary

Most of the chimp action is practical effects, which is generally appreciated over CGI. And much of that practical effect is Miguel Torres Umba in prosthetics - which I thought was very good but not perfect. Like Brian said, some top quality CGI, or motion capture like in the “Planet of the Apes” movies, might have been more effective.

It’s a great house, but a pool in a cave with only one way in and out doesn’t seem like a good idea.

2026 Predator: Badlands

• Director: Dan Trachtenberg

• Writers: Patrick Aison and Dan Trachtenberg

• Stars: Elle Fanning, Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi, Ravi Narayan

• Runtime: 107 minutes (1 hour and 47 minutes)

• YouTube Link for Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A young and runty Predator goes on a quest to hunt the ultimate prey on an alien planet. He teams up with a damaged Weyland-Yutani android, and they have dangerous zany adventures on their quest. It’s action, adventure, and science fiction without much mystery or horror. It was pretty entertaining in its own way, but far from the original Predator movie.

Spoilery Synopsis

Yautja are predators. We open on Yautja Prime, where one Predator enters a cave and fights another. They leap around like it’s a videogame and taunt each other. The Yautja, Dek, loses, but survives. He’s not a Yautja yet. The two brothers talk later about old battles. Dek still needs to prove himself in battle in order to join the clan and earn his invisibility cloak. He chooses Genna, the Death Planet. The Kalisk there will be his trophy; even their father fears it. Dek’s got something to prove, and he wants it the hard way.

Dek’s a runt, and his father thinks he should simply be culled. His brother Kwei doesn’t want to kill him and turns against their father, which goes badly for him. Dek’s ship launches, taking him on his hunt.

Dek arrives on the planet Genna, and it’s clear that he’s not very good at flying - he lands hard. He checks out his weapons, and at least he’s prepared those. Even the trees in this place are hostile, so he fights them. Credits roll.

As Dek patches up his wound, he learns about his surroundings. He comes across a broken synthetic who knows his language. She knows he’s hunting the Kalisk, and she offers to help– if he helps her. They soon find themselves working together to survive. She has no legs or bottom half. He doesn’t want a partner, but he can use her as a tool, which is acceptable to him. She’s Thia, and she talks a lot.

Thia tells her story. She and another synth, Tessa, are better attuned to the creatures on this planet. The Kalisk attacked, and they got split up; Thia, literally.

We cut to the synth base, where Tessa is being repaired. She’s fixed up enough to complete her mission, capture new life forms for weapons use. Now, she wants the Kalisk too, threatened with decommission if she fails.

Dek and Thia run into various creatures and both hunt and are hunted. It’s all very action-packed. They make friends with Bud, a Gollum-like sidekick animal that hunts with them. We see that Tessa has arrived with a well-armed crew as they wipe out the vine creatures that Kalisk first encountered. Dek and Thia chat around the campfire and get to know each other better.

Tessa finds and explores Dek’s crashed spaceship. Thia and Dek wander around looking for the Kalisk’s den. Thia finds her legs and signals for her people to come and get her. She warns Dek that they want the Kalisk, and he should leave. He refuses.

Dek goes off on his own while she reattaches her legs, and he soon runs into the Kalisk. He and Thia work together to defend themselves from the giant thing. She is still legless because the mending got interrupted. Dek eventually manages to behead it, but then the head re-attaches itself. It’s… unkillable.

Tessa arrives and freezes the Kalisk, Dek, and everything. She then takes Dek prisoner. Tessa wakes up Thia, who talks about their catch– both the Kalisk and the Yautja. Tessa experiments on Dek, and it looks very painful. Thia doesn’t like the work Tessa is doing and shuts it down . She’s seen things on her trip, and she’s evolved a bit; Tessa’s not into that at all. Thia is “broken” as well and will be deactivated.

Thia and Dek trick one of the drones into letting them loose. Dek escapes and goes to his ship to heal up. He uses what he’s learned about the animals and plants on Genna to build new weapons and traps. He also rejoins Bud, who he recognizes as a baby Kalisk.

Dek then follows the synths to the huge Weyland-Yutani base that’s on the planet. He finds Thai, who is deactivated, but he brings her legs along as a distraction. The Yautja, Bud, and the legs defeat a whole army of drones. Thia’s upper half and lower half fight together as a team.

Tessa, meanwhile, loads the Kalisk onto a transport ship.

Dek and Thia get back together. So did Thia’s two halves. Dek wants to release the Kalisk, Bud’s mother.

But first, Tessa attacks in a big loader-mech (looks familiar, but much bigger). They fight hand-to-machine while Thia works on releasing the big Kalisk. The Kalisk shows up, angry, and makes short work of Tessa’s battlemech and the crunchy snack inside it.

Bud “vouches” to his mother about Dek and Thia, who are all friends now. Suddenly, the Kalisk freezes and explodes, releasing the evil android inside it which she’d swallowed whole. Tessa gets the drop on Thia, but Dek kills her from behind.

Dek returns to Yautja Prime and confronts his father. This time, however, he’s battle experienced and much improved. Dek shows his father who’s boss this time, and he does it without any help. He’s got his own clan now…

Brian’s Commentary

It’s very different from the other Predator (or Alien) films. This one is a much smaller-scale affair, with only two “good” characters, neither of which are human, out on an adventure.

It’s got quite a bit of humor and fun, but there’s so MUCH CGI. It’s like watching a videogame for nearly two hours.

If you like the rest of the series, you’ll probably like this one. If not, there’s probably not much here to sway you.

Kevin’s Commentary

I saw more than one review that said this smells of Disney, who owns the Predator rights, and I’d agree. It’s like an ultra violent Disney adventure movie. They even manage to gain an adorable little monkey-thing companion. How far the original Predator movie, and Alien franchise, have fallen.

Still, I warmed to it as the movie went on. I didn’t hate it as much as I expected, and I was pretty entertained overall.

2026 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple

• Director: Nia DaCosta

• Writers: Alex Garland

• Stars: Ralph Fiennes, Jack O’Connell, Alfie Williams, Erin Kellyman, Chi Lewis-Parry

• Runtime: 109 Minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one is an immediate sequel to 28 Years Later. Little Spike joins the Jimmys, head Jimmy continues his loony leadership, and the doctor continues his work with his Bone Temple project and befriending Sampson. It’s a weird vision of a late-stage apocalypse. We both enjoyed it a lot and thought it was better than the previous movie.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on the Jimmys, in a long-abandoned water park, along with Spike from the previous film. One of the Jimmys is no more after that. Spike becomes a Jimmy too. Credits roll.

Near the bone temple, we see a hunter run into Sampsom and his infected crew. The hunter dies excessively, and Samson eats his brains. Not far away, Dr. Kelson cuts up the pregnant woman from the previous film. On the way to dispose of the body, he runs into Samson and has to tranquilize him. Kelson then removes the arrows from the giant zombie; after, he goes down into his bunker and plays some music.

The next morning, Kelson encounters Samson again, and this time, the big guy doesn’t charge at him. Kelson bargains with the monster. He tranquilizes the big man again, which is what Samson seems to want. Kelsen wants to be friends with Samson, or at least train him. Kelsen takes some of the drugs himself and passes out; when he awakens, Samson is gone and didn’t kill him in his sleep. They start regularly getting stoned together. A weird bromance is born?!

Three new characters, Cathy, Jonno, and Tom, walk through the woods. Jonno draws the wrong kind of attention and becomes infected. Tom and Cathy return home to George’s place and find that the Jimmys have taken over. It’s tense as they all introduce themselves and then kill the homeowners.

The Jimmys soon come across the bone temple and see Kelsen and Samson dancing. Jimmy Crystal, the leader of the gang, talks about his “divine right” to rule. He’s maybe just a little insane.

At the temple, Kelsen admits to Samson that he’s running out of morphine, and that’s going to be a problem really soon. He wants to euthanize Samson, but he’d really like the big man’s consent. Samson finally speaks, saying “Moon.”

Back at the farmhouse, Jimmy orders Tom to fight Jimmima. Cathy, who escaped, helps Tom. Things go badly from there when a propane tank ignites thanks to Tom. Jimmy sends Spike to kill Cathy, but he wants to go with her instead. She punches him and runs off.

The Jimmys decide to pay a visit to Kelsen, whom they think is the devil. Meanwhile, Samson puts on pants and learns to eat berries. The Jimmys spy on Kelsen, but Spike, who knows the doctor, doesn’t say anything about him. Samson starts having memories about being on a train.

Jimmy Crystal goes to the Bone Temple and sees all the skulls. Kelsen admits that he’s not Satan. They have a long conversation, as some of the Jimmys start to doubt their leader. Can Kelsen pretend to be Jimmy’s father, the devil? Kelsen has little choice.

Kelsen tells Samson about the encounter. He’s been working on a cure for the disease, but now he may be out of time and wants to try it on the big man. Is it all just a weird kind of psychosis? He gives Samson some pills.

The next morning, Samson is aware. He gets aboard a train car and remembers his childhood. He and his family were on the train when the infection hit. In the present, a bunch of infected people board the train and attack the big man, who fights back.

Kelsen prepares for his meeting with the Jimmys, as he “becomes” the devil.

Night falls, and the Jimmys come into the temple. It’s all lit up with Satanic imagery now, as Jimmy Crystal wanted. Kelsen does a song and dance, and it’s very convincing. The music is loud, and it attracts Samson. Kelsen gives the order to the Jimmys to follow Jimmy Crystal, but when he sees Spike and recognizes him, he changes the rules. He tells the Jimmys to crucify Jimmy Crystal. Jimmy then stabs “Satan.” Jimmy Ink, on the other hand, sticks with Spike and kills the other Jimmys.

Only Spike and Jimmy Ink are left standing. As Kelsen dies, the young people crucify Jimmy Crystal for him. As he hangs there, upside down, Samson comes into camp. Samson thanks Kelsen for curing him as the doctor dies.

Back in the safe land, we see Jim, the main character from the first film. He’s teaching his daughter, Sam, history. They go outside and see a flock of infected chasing Jimmy Ink and Spike, who need help. Sam asks Jim if they should help, Jim says of course, and they head off to do so.

Brian’s Commentary

This begins almost immediately after the events of the previous film. Oddly enough, it all makes sense, in a crazy way. There’s supposed to be a third one coming, so we’re in good shape here. This was much better than the previous film, which was mostly just setup.

Kevin’s Commentary

I liked the weirdness and surreal aspects of this one, with the Jimmys, the Bone Temple, the doc and Sampson getting high together. And it contains the best use of Iron Maiden music ever.

It takes its time with the strangeness and events with lulls and spikes, it’s long but was never boring. I thought it was pretty great. Better than the previous one.

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Mainstream Films:

1999 Lake Placid

• Director: Steve Miner

• Writers: David E. Kelley

• Stars: Bill Pullman, Bridget Fonda, Oliver Platt, Brendan Gleeson, and Betty White

• Runtime: 82 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s a giant creature feature, set in a beautiful location. There’s a lot of violence and gore, but also a lot of dark humor - it’s not quite in the comedy genre, but there are a lot of chuckles to be had. The casting is excellent and added a lot to making the movie more watchable and entertaining. It was a fun watch.

Spoilery Synopsis

As credits roll, we see scenes of a very placid lake. The sheriff and a diver are out tagging beavers. The diver goes down and finds an underwater tunnel and checks it out. Turns out, it’s not a beaver nest. The sheriff, aboard the boat, pulls up about half of the diver.

In New York City, Kelly explains to Myra that her boyfriend has dumped her; Myra already knows because she stole Kevin from her. Kevin comes in and talks about a probable-bear attack and wants to send Kelly to Maine to investigate a tooth they found in the diver. She’s not really gung-ho about field work, but has no choice but to investigate.

Near Lake Placid, Sheriff Hank welcomes Jack Wells, with Fish & Game, to investigate the animal attack.

Kelly, Jack, and Hank go out to the lake and talk to an old woman who is the only person who lives directly on the lake. Mrs. Bickerman says her husband died two years ago from an assisted suicide. Kelly, in the meantime, does not enjoy the natural beauty of the place. “I have good hygiene; I’m not welcome here.”

Hector Cyr, a rich mythology nut, shows up in a helicopter. He’s obsessed with crocodiles, so that’s weird. There shouldn’t be any crocodiles in this lake, but he’s pretty confident that’s what they have. They go out in canoes, and something knocks over one of the boats. They also find the diver’s toe.

Hector’s a party animal, and sets up quite a campsite. Hank doesn’t like him at all.

The next day, they use all their equipment as Hector and Jack go diving for the creature. Meanwhile, the monster attacks the boat with Kelly and Hank. They’re fine, but the deputy, on the other hand, loses his head. Hector gives a ridiculous speech about dreaming he’d lost his head.

Suddenly, a huge bear attacks! That goes nowhere because even more suddenly, a giant crocodile leaps out of the water and eats the bear– whole. Finally, Kelly decides she’s having a good time.

In the morning, they all go croc-hunting. They find another severed head just on the edge of Mrs. Bickerman’s place. They watch as the old woman leads a cow to the beach and feeds it to the enormous crocodile.

Mrs. Bickerman admits she’s been feeding the thing for six years; it’s a sort of pet. It was what killed her husband. Meanwhile, Hector goes swimming again and comes face to face with the big croc. The crocodile lets him get onto the helicopter, but then tries to eat that.

Hector wants to sedate and capture the crocodile. He doesn’t want it killed, which Fish & Game will do. He’s persuasive. They use one of Mrs. Bickerman’s cows, dangling from a helicopter, as bait. Eventually, the croc takes the bait and crashes the helicopter. It comes up on land and menaces everyone. The crocodile manages to get stuck inside the helicopter and can’t get out. They tranquilize it, so it’s all good. Suddenly, a second crocodile shows up, and Hank gets to shoot that one explosively.

As things wind down, Hank and Hector drive off to the hospital. Kelly and Jack get together.

Some time passes and we see Mrs. Bickerman, out at the dock, feeding a new batch of baby crocodiles…

Brian’s Commentary

The interplay between Hank and Hector is comedy gold. Actually, this movie is only good because of the stellar cast. The croc is a combination of CGI and practical effects, but it’s all very effective.

It’s a great mix of giant-animal horror and comedy. It was successful and then led to a whole batch of sequels.

Kevin’s Commentary

I agree with Brian, it was casting done right that added a lot to the movie. It could have been a lot lamer than it was. Okay, it wasn’t that lame, it was pretty entertaining. And the humor helped a lot.

The croc is a practical effect - a giant puppet - in many of its scenes, which was much better than having it be purely CGI. Though the CGI is quite good too. Trivia says the croc actually has less than four minutes of screen time.

Somehow, I had missed seeing this before now. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

2007 Lake Placid 2

• Director: David Flores

• Writers: Todd Hurvitz and Howie Miller

• Stars: John Schneider, Sarah Lafleur, Sam McMurray, Chad Michael Collins, Alicia Ziegler, and Cloris Leachman

• Runtime: 88 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The first movie was enough of a success that they made a sequel. They embraced the CGI this time, lowered the quality of casting, and generally cheapened everything as a direct to TV SyFy production. The gore was a step up, while the humor and pacing were a step down. It was barely okay, but not the win the first one was.

Spoilery Synopsis

After the credits, we open two men in a boat talking about how many people have disappeared on this lake. Soon, it’s one man in the boat.

Sheriff Riley listens to his son Scott complaining about being there after a custody battle. The EPA man comes to the office and tells them about his partner being eaten. They think it’s all a joke until he shows them the man’s chewed arm. Emily, from Fish & Wildlife, arrives, and she has history with Sheriff Riley.

The group goes out on a boat to see where the attack took place, and they talk about the crazy old woman who used to feed crocodiles on the lake. They find a head and then go to talk to old Sadie. Sadie is the sister of the other Mrs. Bickerman.

Sadie feeds the local newsman to her crocodile. Riley, Emily, and Frank soon see the crocodile when it smashes their boat. A CGI plane lands, and Struthers, a rich loon, arrives. He wants to hunt the crocodile.

Meanwhile, Scott and Kerri meet in the woods, along with Thad and Larry. They head to the lake with her friends. He goes out for a walk alone and finds a nest with eggs. Thad breaks some eggs and soon pays for it.

Riley and company tranquilize the croc and put it right to sleep. It’s not as asleep as it appears, as Deputy Dale and Frank soon learn. They set up some bait and lure in the croc, but they harpoon Struthers’s airplane instead. Working together, they kill the crocodile.

After some celebrating, they all camp for the night. Scott, Larry, and Kelli are lost in the woods. A second croc attacks the camp and eats Ahmad, Struthers’s assistant. They go to see Mrs. Bickman, who tells them that there are three of the big crocodiles out there.

Emily, Riley, and Struthers find the nest and take the eggs. They come across Scott and Kerri just after Larry gets eaten. Riley blows up a second croc, but the big one is still out there. Kerri and Scott feed Mrs. Bickman to the final croc– no, turns out there were really four of them.

Emily hides in a tree trunk as Riley shoots the next croc. Struthers loses his head but blows up the final croc.

Scott, Kerri, Riley, and Emily drive away. They drop Kerri and Scott off at home, and they kiss.

Brian’s Commentary

This was made for the SyFy Channel and never hit the theaters directly. All the “Teenagers” are way old and the acting is equally bad. It’s very cheaply made, with no corner left uncut.

John Schneider is just “We have David Hasselhoff at home.” They lost nearly all the humor and went for a straight-up horror movie this time. The film overall is just pretty dull, even for a made-for-TV story.

Kevin’s Commentary

Everything about this sequel was a step down from the original. The crocodile, and some other elements, were very obvious CGI without the practical effects of the giant crocodile puppet. The cast, script, and pacing weren’t as good. All in all, the entertainment value was less.

I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as the first movie.

2010 Lake Placid 3

• Director: Griff Furst

• Writers: David Reed

• Stars: Colin Ferguson, Yancy Butler, Kirsty Mitchell, Kacey Clarke, Jordan Grehs, and Michael Ironside

• Runtime: 96 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s more of the same as the last two films. With no one seeming to really be aware that the events of the two films happened or were anything to be concerned about. The CGI is bad and obvious, but it was a bit better than the second movie. It still wasn’t as good as the first. If you saw the first two, this one was a bit of an uptick.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s the Black Lake Wildlife Area, and two hikers arrive at the lake. They go for a swim and hear growling. A bunch of little crocodiles eat them both.

Nathan stands on the dock and has some kind of flashback to the previous film. Nathan, an EPA scientist, is old Mrs. Bickerman’s nephew, and he’s just inherited her cabin. The sheriff comes to visit Nathan, Susan, and their son, Connor. The sheriff tries to convince them that the crocodile incident will never happen again; he wants them to live here rather than sell the house. As they talk, Connor sees crocodiles outside and feeds them all…

Two years later, Connor is still feeding the much-larger crocs. Susan leaves him with Vica, the babysitter. He sneaks out to the store to steal a big bag of meat for his pets. Nathan is out in the woods studying elk when he meets a group of campers. When they find a head, Nathan thinks it might have been Reba, a local poacher.

Meanwhile, in town, Brett comes to see Reba. He wants to hire her to find a missing girl in the lake area.

At home, the crocs eat Vica’s little yap-yap dog and then Vica as well. Out at the lake, those four hikers start getting picked off one-by-one.

Connor and Susan try to help Vica, but the crocodiles are surrounding the house. He admits that he’s been feeding the crocs.

Reba and her clients’ boat are attacked, which ruins the hunting party. Nathan and the sheriff’s boat as well. There’s a failed attempt for all the good guys to run to the car from the cabin, but that goes badly.

Reba and Brett are attacked; the sheriff tries to run over a croc and gets eaten. They eventually make their way to Nathan’s place.

Brett holds them all at gunpoint because he wants to go out and find Ellie, the last of the hikers. He soon finds her, and they kiss and make up just before a croc eats him. Everyone gets in Reba’s boat and goes to town.

It’s the middle of the night, and most of the stores in town are closed. They break into Dmitri’s grocery store, the place Connor stole from earlier, and he’s got a gun. The crocodile outside makes sure nothing comes of that.

Nathan, Susan, Connor, and Ellie run for the truck, leaving torn-apart Reba behind. The big croc chases them until they blow it up at the gas station.

Time passes, and Nathan gives a lecture next to the lake about the extinct crocodiles that used to live there. Naturally, we see that they aren’t extinct at all.

Brian’s Commentary

This one was also made for TV, but it’s a lot better than the previous film. The crocs are all mediocre CGI, but once we get past that, the rest is pretty good. Anytime there’s any real action, the camera gets all shaky to make it look more exciting, and I found that annoying. The editing in other scenes is almost as bad.

Still, it was miles better than part 2.

Kevin’s Commentary

The CGI. Sigh. So much obvious CGI.

And the foreign touches creeped more around the edges because it wasn’t filmed in the United States, like the second film.

I agree it was a little better than the second movie. Still not as good as the first.

2012 Lake Placid: The Final Chapter

• Director: Don Michael Paul

• Writers: David Reed

• Stars: Elisabeth Röhm, Yancy Butler, Paul Nicholls, and Robert Englund

• Runtime: 90 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Some time has passed, and now the lake and surrounding area is enclosed with a big, sturdy electric fence to contain the crocodiles which are the only ones of their kind. But lots of people still make it inside, either deliberately or accidentally, and there’s a decent body count. Everything about it is decent, not awful, but it’s really just more of the same we’ve already seen.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on the final battle of the previous film, and it turns out that Reba’s not as dead as she looked before. As she limps out of the grocery store, credits roll as she kills one more croc.

Sometime later, Sheriff Grove, Dennis, and now-Fish-and-Game ranger Reba, go out into a boat to look for one of the very rare crocodiles. They tranquilize and capture a small one, but there’s a report of bigger ones not far away. They all get into a truck and drive away, but a big croc chases them. The whole area is surrounded by an electric fence as a wildlife refuge for the protected animals. Dennis explains that the crocs are mutants that shouldn’t be getting so big.

Loflin talks to his son, Max, who is working on the electric fence. The sheriff goes home to her daughter Chloe. They go out and look at all the young guys who like Chloe. Chloe’s got a senior camping trip this weekend, but she doesn’t really want to go.

Poacher Jim Bickerman, along with Dennis and his men, sneak through the electric gate to go hunting crocs. They soon find one, and when it chases them, they can’t get out of the electric fence. The screams attract the attention of Max, who opens the gate and gets hauled off by a croc.

Chloe and a busload of teens arrive at the “safe” beach, but Chloe thinks they might have gone to the wrong place. Sheriff Theresa and Loflin make out at home. Chloe tells the story of Mrs. Bickerman and her oversized crocodile pets. Chloe’s boyfriend, Drew, double-times her along with her friend Elaine.

In the morning, the men call the sheriff, Reba, Loflin and the others. The gate was left open last night, and Max is now missing. One of the high school camping kids gets eaten by what appears to be… piranhas. Chloe finds Max out in the woods. Soon, everyone knows about the giant crocs on the beach.

Loflin kills a croc and climbs down the thing’s throat to see what’s inside. The crocs have run out of food and are eating each other now. The sheriff’s group soon makes it to the beach and finds Chloe’s phone.

Loflin and the sheriff find Dennis, who explains why he’s inside the fence. He’s soon eaten. The teen group catches up with Jim Bickerman on his boat. They all swim to the boat except for their coach, who is eaten. He doesn’t take them to the gate, he takes them to where he’s supposed to meet with Dennis (who’s already been croc-lunch).

Everyone shows up at the same place, and Drew meets a croc. There’s lots of running and shooting, and eventually, everyone makes it to the gate, where they fry the big lizard on the electric fence.

Bickerman, left behind, gets eaten. Max and Chloe, as well as Loflin and the sheriff, get together. Reba finally gets her croc head for the wall. We hear how Lake Placid is now clear of crocs– as we get an attack at Clear Lake.

Brian’s Commentary

That’s a mighty big lake to be surrounded by a high-voltage fence.

Again, there’s not very much humor in this one; they are still taking it all pretty seriously. There’s a lot of action and the pacing is decent. It’s not awful, but it’s not anything innovative, either.

Kevin’s Commentary

Having Yancy Butler return as Reba was a bright spot.

An electric fence that big and solid would cost a fortune. Plus the power to keep it energized and constant vigilance and repair to keep it running. It’s best not to think about the size of the lake shown on screen and the logistics of that fence.

It’s still full of CGI. But the cast did a better job than the last couple movies, and the pacing was better. The crocs are still way too bullet resistant. The sequels have each gotten slightly better, but they still aren’t up to the first one.

2015 Lake Placid vs. Anaconda

• Director: A.B. Stone

• Writers: Berkeley Anderson

• Stars: Yancy Butler, Corin Nemec, and Robert Englund

• Runtime: 92 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s the crossover we didn’t know we needed, fifth in both series. The crocs from the Lake Placid movies were contained until they decided to try to combine the giant anacondas with them, and things became a mess. There’s quite a body count in this one, and lots of CGI creature action and gore. It had more humor than the anaconda films, which we just saw as well. It’s middling, not awful but some entertainment value. Especially if you like watching lots of young women in bikinis.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a group of people hunting an alligator in the woods. Jim Bickerman looks like he’s lost some limbs due to the local reptiles. The giant crocodile is taken to a lab where there’s also a giant snake. This whole area is full of protected crocs, and Jim knows how to get in and out. They inject some cells from a crocodile into an anaconda, which is about to lay eggs. Suddenly, the big croc wakes up and gets loose. In the ensuing scuffle, the snakes escape as well.

At the Clear Lake State Recreation Area, we run into Tull, a wildlife cop. We also see Sheriff Reba in the next town over, where there is at least one missing person from the area around the Black Lake electric fence. If there’s trouble, the mayor is all set for a coverup. Deputy Ferguson is at Black Lake, and he’s found the mess from last night. Daphne, the missing girl, turns out to have a crocodile under her bed, which eats her.

Sarah Murdoch, the daughter of the dead businessman of the previous Anaconda films, tells Mr. Beach about the blood orchids and immortality. The only animals that are compatible with the serum are anaconda and those special crocodiles.

A couple of carloads of sorority girls are driving out to “prove themselves” at rush weekend. One of the girls is Bethany, Tully’s daughter.

Some hunters get eaten by a swarm of tiny crocodiles.

At the crime scene, Reba cuts open a croc and finds some remains inside. She calls Tully for some croc-assist.

The sorority group is clear to point out that the famous crocodiles are in that other lake, not here. Everyone gets into the water, and we soon see someone get dragged under– no, it’s just two guys playing games.

Sarah, Beach, and his men have a tracker in the female anaconda, hopefully before she lays eggs. They have the trackers and want Jim Bickerman to help them again.

Reba and Tully find it’s strange that all the trackers in the crocs have gone offline. They have no trackers, but the crocs must be headed to Clear Lake. Tully calls his daughter, who is at the lake, but she’s not answering.

A waterskier gets eaten on the lake, and we see a huge croc closing in on the sorority recruits. The waterskiing group soon learns they’re going to need a bigger boat. The sorority girls run to their cars, without keys, and watch as crocs close in on them.

Sarah beats up Jim; she needs his help. Her whole group is soon out in the wilderness area looking for the missing anaconda.

Tully and Reba are about to be eaten by a crocodile when the reptile is suddenly attacked and killed by a giant anaconda. They know about the crocs, but the giant snake is new for them.

The anaconda squeezes the girls’ car, so now they have no way to get away. Tully, Reba, and Ferguson arrive and check out the wreckage on the beach. They find the girls’ crushed car and soon, the remaining three girls.

Murdoch’s group steals a boat, and Jim goes for a swim. Beach and Murdoch argue about leaving Jim behind. They’re attacked by the male snake, but she won’t let him shoot it. They lose their goons, so now it’s just the two of them. They soon run into Tully, Reba, and the girls as well as an even-bigger female snake.

Murdoch calls in a helicopter as the snakcs and crocs start fighting with each other. One of the snakes brings down the copter, and things get weird from there. One of the snakes swallows Beach whole, and he uses a grenade from inside. That’s messy.

Elsewhere, Jim has finally swum to shore, and he’s thrilled.

Tully gets the croc-tracker from Murdoch, so now he can start rounding up the loose crocodiles. One final croc attacks, and everyone shoots it at once.

Somewhere in the woods, we watch as eggs hatch and tiny little snakes emerge…

Brian’s Commentary

Other than the original Lake Placid, this is the first of that series that I’ve seen. It seems to lean more heavily on humor than the Anaconda series.

It absolutely continued the ongoing story of the blood orchids and anacondas, although that never really did make much sense. This one was also made for TV, and it’s a lot cheesier and less serious that the previous Anaconda films.

Kevin’s Commentary

This was the fifth film in both series. We hadn’t done the Lake Placid movies (yet?) but that doesn’t matter much for seeing this one.

Again, there’s heavy and obvious CGI use. Some humor, more than the solo Anaconda movies so far. It wasn’t too bad, I thought it was fairly entertaining, it moved well and wasn’t boring. I’d give it a 6 out of 10.

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2026 Bight

• Directed by: Maiara Walsh

• Written by: Cameron Cowperthwaite, Maiara Walsh

• Stars: Cameron Cowperthwaite, Mark Hapka, Maya Stojan

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two artsy couples get together for an evening of bondage, photography, sex, and emotional exploration. It takes a while, but it does eventually get to some horror-adjacent elements. It’s more of a drama thriller though, and it’s quite good. It wasn’t quite what either of us expected.

Spoilery Synopsis

Two people hug in the shower as they wash blood off each other’s bodies. Credits roll.

Charlie gets a call from her boss, Ariana, and she’s not happy. Her artist boyfriend, Atticus, works in the living room. The couple is not getting along very well. They’re going to Sebastian’s party, but neither of them want to go to this one.

Turns out, this party is just for them. Sebastian and Naomi have invited only Charlie and Atticus. Charlie keeps getting texts as the men talk about photography. Charlie and Atticus argue some more, and then we see that Sebastian and Naomi aren’t getting along so well either.

Sebastian gets all pretentious during dinner and we get a flashback to the last time the four got together; it was an orgy. This time, he wants to use his two guests as nude models. Charlie is all in, but Atticus doesn’t want to participate; they’ve done this before, and he doesn’t want to repeat last time. They decide to go for it.

Sebastian puts something in everyone’s tea. He explains the rules of his work with ropes and then everyone splits up to get ready. Naomi ties Atticus’s hands behind his back as the drugs start to kick in. Soon, they’re both bound up, naked, with ropes, and Sebastian starts to take pictures. Naomi, in the meantime, covers them with red paint.

Neither Charlie nor Atticus are really into this, and both are really uncomfortable, but it’s hard to argue with Sebastian. As they all take a break, Sebastian gets with Charlie, while Naomi goes for Atticus.

We then cut to a bedroom scene with Atticus tied up on the floor and Naomi suspended by ropes from the ceiling above them. Sebastian has sex with Charlie as the other two watch in restraints. Naomi wants to be released, and Sebastian says no way; he’s punishing her for having sex with Atticus. This is all some kind of elaborate revenge plot by Sebastian against the cheaters. When Atticus realizes Naomi drugged him, he urges Sebastian to spin her ropes some more.

Charlie has seen enough and wants to leave, so Sebastian just knocks her out. He puts her in a gas mask and ties her up. He then cuts Naomi’s throat and lets her bleed all over Atticus, who is still tied up beneath her.

As Sebastian menaces Charlie, Atticus breaks out of his ropes and intervenes. In the struggle, Sebastian gets stabbed numerous times with a box cutter and then strangled with a rope.

Atticus apologizes to Charlie and unties her. The two of them then clean up the mess. Then when they get to their car in the morning they have wild sex; their romance has rekindled.

Some time later, at one of Atticus’s art shows, he reveals his new works; at least in his mind, Sebastian is still with him.

Brian’s Commentary

Bight: a loop of rope, as distinct from the rope’s ends.

This film looks great. It’s colorful and is very interestingly shot. The dialogue is clunky and pretentious, but the characters are all “artists,” so that’s probably just realism.

It took a very long time to get to anything that might be considered horror, but it did get there eventually.

It’s weird, a little dull and draggy in the first half, but overall, I liked it.

Kevin’s Commentary

The bight/bite play on words is clever.

It flowed along with a lot of talk, and then it got realer than I expected when Sebastian stepped things up a bit. All in all, it wasn’t what I expected, and I liked it quite a bit.

What a way to rekindle your relationship.

2024 Seven Cemeteries

• Directed by: John Gulager

• Written by: John Gulager, Joel Soisson

• Stars: Danny Trejo, Sal Lopez, Samantha Ashley

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The plot is simple. A recent parolee gets a Mexican witch to resurrect his old posse so that they can help him save a woman’s ranch from a ruthless drug lord. So it’s an action crime drama with magic and lots of dark humor. We both thought it was really good.

Spoilery Synopsis

In Diablo County, Texas, men come to an isolated ranch, and Matteo, the man who lives there, grabs his gun. The old man in the car wants to buy the farm, and he’s not going to take no for an answer. That goes really bad for Matteo.

We cut to Santana Bravo, being released from prison, where he’s been since 1973, as credits roll. We’re told he was falsely accused of murder and spent 41 years in prison. He goes to Diablo County and goes to that same ranch for a job from Matteo. Matteo’s wife, Carmela, wants to hire him for protection from the old Abuelo.

Sheriff Jake shows up, and oddly, all their body cameras aren’t working. He marches Bravo out into the field, and shoots him in the back three times.

Bravo wakes up some time later in the home of a bruja, an enchantress, and her husband, Miguelito is a zombie. She also wants him to stand up to Abuelo. Back in the day, Abuelo killed Bravo’s wife. He became a legend in the region for standing up to Abuelo back in ‘73. He’s old now, and not up to the fight anymore. She says he “needs a crew” and can make one by standing over a grave and bleeding.

Bravo goes off to do the job, and he takes Miguelito with him. Miguel explains what it’s like to be dead, and he doesn’t mind it too much. They head to cemetery number one and Bravo cuts himself and bleeds into the grave. His blood explodes dramatically, and when the fire clears, dead Eugene is back, out of the grave, awake, and not too happy to be there.

At the next cemetery, they wake up another corpse, Tommy LaSorda. Tommy and Eugene don’t get along, and they wreck their truck. They quickly manage to steal another one. They all drive to another cemetery and dig up Quasimodo, the dead professional wrestler and his girlfriend Delores, both buried in their luchadore costumes.

At the fifth cemetery, they wake up Stickface, a homicidal hockey player.

Meanwhile, back at the farm, Camela and her mother get ready for a fight when Abuelo returns in the morning. Sheriff Jake and his men arrive in force, and they want trouble. Jake is the first to die in the ensuing fire fight.

Then the dead arrive and mess up the killers. They are not gentle, and there’s some great carnage. Carmela is a little surprised to find Bravo with an army of zombies who all introduce themselves. “One problem at a time,” she tells her elderly mother.

As everyone gets set working to reinforce the house, Quasimodo sings to Delores. They learn that there are tunnels under the farm that leads across the border.

Hector reports to El Abuelo about their defeat at the ranch earlier in the morning, and the old man is not happy. El Abuelo then grabs Miguel and plays the accordion for him. Miguel doesn’t torture well. He warns Abuelo that the others are “Way less chill.” Then they put him through a wood chipper.

At cemetery number six, Bravo and Carmela visit Matteo’s grave. They talk about Guadalupe, Bravo’s long-dead wife.

The bad guys grab the bruja and drop her off at the ranch. She’s wearing a big bomb, the same way Abuelo killed Guadalupe many years ago. She goes boom, and the zombies are not pleased. Bravo’s got nothing to offer them now; he had promised that the bruja would restore them to real life, but that’s not gonna happen now. That’s OK, as they all want revenge now.

The baddies return with missiles, and they blow up Stickface. The gang heads down to the cellar and the tunnels to head for Mexico. All the zombies want to blow up the tunnels and bury themselves to save Bravo, Carmela, and the old lady.

Bravo is killed anyway, but Carmela’s mother revives him. When they get to the other side of the tunnel, Abuelo is waiting for them. The old man gets the drop on them, but then, out of nowhere, Miguel’s severed hand crawls up the old man’s pants and does bad things to him. Bravo and Carmela finish him off.

At cemetery number seven, Bravo reburies all his zombie friends. Bravo and Mihuel’s hand walk off to have further adventures.

Brian’s Commentary

This is great, it pokes fun at westerns, Mexican wrestlers, revenge films, zombie tropes, and everything else it can throw in. Mostly, though, it follows the basic plot of “Seven Samurai.” It’s more comedy than horror, but it’s about zombies, so there’s that. Danny Trejo’s getting a little old to be doing physical stunts and violence, but as the leader of the group, he does well here. The array of dead characters is fun, especially Lew Temple as Tommy Lasorda.

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought the humor in this was excellent. The script is very good, taking an old idea and adding the element of the undead to liven it up. I’d say it was my favorite Danny Trejo movie that I’ve seen.

2007 Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

• Directed by: Michal Hurst

• Written by: Michael Hurst

• Stars: Lance Henriksen, Rob Freeman, Amy Manson

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 35 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a young McCoy loves a young Hatfield, their family feud works to keep them apart. When a younger McCoy is killed, it’s revenge time! Which in these parts means it’s time for Pumpkinhead again. The plot’s a little basic, but it’s well made with practical effects that look good, and steady pacing.

Spoilery Synopsis

A couple of guys on motorcycles race through the woods, being pursued by something. One guy crashes, and Pumpkinhead kills him. Elsewhere, in a cabin, a man collapses in pain. The other cyclist arrives outside the man’s door and demands that he “call it off.” He shoots the man, and Pumpkinhead vanishes. The ghost of Ed Harley appears and tells him that he’s not going to escape vengeance. Credits roll.

Five years later, it’s a McCoy wedding party. Two Hatfields show up and aren’t allowed in. Jodie and her brothers understand but don’t like it.

Inside, Ricky is weird, and everyone notices. A group of Hatfields come in the side door and soon, it’s an all-out brawl fight. Jodie Hatfield does not approve. Papa Hatfield explains the origins of the feud to her, and she’d never heard the story before; they put Uncle Abner in a wheelchair by running him over. Abner himself isn’t too angry about it; he knows that Jodie is dating Ricky.

Jodie and Ricky meet in the woods, and Ricky’s younger sister Sarah comes along to be the lookout. When a couple of the Hatfield brothers show up, Sarah is killed in a fall. They drag Ricky behind their truck until the rope breaks. Ricky runs back and finds Sarah’s body in the woods.

Ricky takes Sarah’s body to the old woman in the woods. Ed Harley comes to her and tells her not to help Ricky, but she wants to help Ricky get his revenge. Ricky insists on revenge, and he wants Pumpkinhead specifically to help. If anyone in a horror movie was ever warned that revenge is a bad idea, it would be Ricky, who just won’t listen to talk about “paying the price.” Old Haggis does the ritual.

In the morning, Ricky takes Sarah home to the McCoys, who are not pleased. Haggis does her thing in the pumpkin patch, and Pumpkinhead rises again. Soon after, Hatfields start dying.

Ed Harley appears to Jodie and explains that only she can stop what’s going to happen. Ricky comes to her and explains that he’s done something that will fix everything.

Sheriff Dallas sees Ed. Five years ago, he was warned that Pumpkinhead would be coming back, and now, his time has come.

At Sarah’s funeral, Ricky feels pain when the next group of Hatfields dies. Dallas tells old man Hatfield about Pumpkinhead.

Jodie goes to Haggis’s house and finds the pumpkin field. Better yet, she runs right into Pumpkinhead, but he doesn’t hurt her.

Four more Hatfields go to the McCoy house and set it on fire. Jodie helps out the old woman inside, but she doesn’t get a lot of thanks.

This is enough that the McCoys and Hatfields finally make peace. Old Man McCoy has no idea that Ricky’s behind all the carnage. Now, both sides decide to work together to stop Ricky and Pumpkinhead. Sheriff Dallas explains that the only way to stop this is to kill Ricky. Sherriff explains his story, which we saw in the pre-credit sequence.

Pumpkinhead attacks the house, full of both McCoys and Hatfields. Ed reminds Jodie that only she can stop this. Soon, there are a lot of dead bodies inside. Ed comes for Dallas, who has to face the monster. The fight moves outside, where Pumpkinhead disembowls Dallas. It comes for Jodie’s younger sister, and Jodie has to make a decision. In the end, she shoots Ricky. He’s still not dead, but he grabs Pumpkinhead and they both fall into a well.

Ed appears again and says she “done good.”

Brian’s Commentary

Hatfields and McCoys? Wasn’t that cliche a hundred years before even this film was made. Lame plot aside, it’s nicely paced, well acted (mostly), and doesn’t get boring. The Pumpkinhead creature looks as good as ever, and he’s still pretty effective for a guy in a rubber suit.

It’s entertaining. A long way from great, but not terrible, either.

Kevin’s Commentary

Haggis does keep trying to warn these people, but they just don’t listen.

I appreciated the practical effects, and the creature looks good even fully visible in the light.

There were many moments of neither family being too bright. But it is well put together, and I’d put it as my number two favorite after the first movie.

1990 Troll 2

• Directed by: Claudio Fragasso

• Written by: Claudio Fragasso, Rossella Drudi

• Stars: Michel Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 35 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It has nothing to do with the first “Troll” movie, and doesn’t even have Trolls. They go to a town infested with goblins and a witch. It’s a bad movie, but it’s a good bad movie. It’s stupid, but it’s fun and entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We hear about Peter, lost in the woods. He found some ugly small people, goblins, who followed him. This is all a bedtime story told by Grandpa to little Josh. He explains that goblins are evil little creatures. Credits roll as the goblins hunt Peter.

Grandpa insists that goblins still exist and that Peter came to a bad end. They turned him into a half-plant and ate him. Josh’s mother comes in, and we see that Grandpa isn’t real. “I see him in front of me, and he’s so real.” Grandpa’s funeral was six months ago.

Josh and his family are going on a monthlong vacation to Nilbog in the country tomorrow. Elliott comes over and makes both Joshua and Holly scream, but the parents downstairs don’t hear a thing. Elliott invites himself along on the trip.

In the morning, Elliott is really late, and the family leaves without Elliott. Dad’s thrilled, Holly is not. Elliott and all his friends are not far behind in an RV. Joshua imagines himself getting sick and turning into a plant. On the way, the ghost of Grandpa tells Josh to make his family turn back.

The family arrives at Nilbog, and there’s no one in the town. Dad says “Farmers sleep this time of night,” but it’s clearly mid-afternoon. They take a family’s house and trade keys as some of the locals head to the city. They go inside and find a bunch of food waiting for them. Grandpa warns Joshua not to let them eat, so he pees all over the table and food. “You can’t piss on hospitality– I won’t allow it!” yells Dad.

Elliott’s group parks in a field and wonders where all the girls are. Arnold goes outside and soon finds one. He chases her into the woods and learns that the goblins made her eat that green stuff. The goblins show up, and stab Arnold.

They run to a strange house with an even stranger woman inside. She’s Creedence Leonore Gielgud, and her ancestors are from Stonehenge. She appears to be a witch. The girl turns into a plant; “She’s food for my children!” says Creedence. The goblins rush in and eat the woman.

At home, Holly plans her revenge against Elliott, who never does anything without his friends. She gets a vision of Dead Grandpa, and Dad thinks she’s been smoking dope.

The sheriff picks up another of Elliott’s friends, and right away offers him some green food. He’s dropped off at the local general store, and the place has a weird variety of foods. “We’re vegetarians here in Nilbog,” says the store owner. He gives him some “special” milk.

Joshua finally figures out what “Nilbog” spelled backwards is and freaks out. Back at the house, Creedence brings Josh’s mother some green cake. Josh comes across a strange church service where the goblins complain about meat.

Drew arrives at the church-house and tries to rescue Arnold, who’s mostly a potted plant now. Creedence returns and takes a chainsaw to Arnold, but he laughs as it only tickles.

Holly goes to see Elliott and punches him. Josh and his dad arrive and pull her out of there. When they return home, the whole village has come to sing and dance; Mom’s invited them all inside. Josh warns about goblins again and reminds everyone not to eat the food.

A goblin attacks Josh, but Grandpa Seth appears with an ax and cuts its hand off. Back at the church, Creedence loses an arm– that she soon regrows. The old ghost then gives little Josh a Molotov cocktail to use downstairs.

The leader of the goblins catches on and sends Grandpa back to Hell. That goes badly for both of them, but when Dad puts the fire out, he just sees a burnt goblin there. The whole family soon realizes that the goblin stories are true and hide inside the house.

Creedence prays to Stonehenge for more power, and soon, she’s young and normal-looking. She then shows up outside the RV, and Brent, Elliott’s last friend, goes outside to see. They both have sexy corn on the cob… and popcorn.

The family, meanwhile, tries really hard to make a seance work so that Grandpa Seth can return. The old ghost talks about destroying the stone that gives the goblins their power, but then the goblins break in and start attacking. There’s a great deal of running around and screaming until Josh finds himself in the church-house (which is apparently now in the basement of the family house).

Grandpa tells Josh what to do with the stone. Creedence starts getting ugly again and calls for her goblins, who vanish, leaving the family alone. Creedence looks on in horror as Josh eats a meat sandwich and then touches the magic rock.

The whole family helps Josh touch the rock, and soon, all the baddies are dead.

Back in the city, the family returns to their real home. Joshua’s mother eats an apple right away. Josh soon finds that his mother is being eaten. “Do you want some, Joshua?”

Brian’s Commentary

This is often cited as one of the best “So bad it’s good” movies, and it’s clear to see why. It’s hard to tear your eyes away from this, as it’s weird at every turn. The acting is atrocious all around, except for Deborah Reed as Creedence, who deserved some kind of overacting award– so bad that she wraps around to awesome.

It’s really something.

Kevin’s Commentary

Goblins, trolls, Goldberg, iceberg - same thing.

Reading the trivia, it’s impressive the movie came out as well as it did. The director only spoke Italian, as did the crew except for one member who acted as translator. And the cast were mostly a bunch of locals who showed up thinking they were just going to be extras and got lead, supporting, and extra roles.

Some movies have gallons of blood, this one had gallons of green. I wonder how much green food coloring got used in production. And yogurt. Lots of yogurt.

It’s awful but fun.

2002 Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla

• Directed by: Masaaki Tezuka, Kazuki Omori

• Written by: Wataru Mimura

• Stars: Yumiko Shaku, Shin Takuma, Kana Onodera

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a new Godzilla appears, they use the remains of the 1954 Godzilla to make… a MechaGodzilla to fight him. Of course it’s not that simple as complications arise, politics are worked out, and Godzilla is tough and stubborn. There’s more CGI used this time, and they blend pretty well with the practical effects. It’s an entertaining one. Brian thought it was one of the better ones, Kevin was entertained but thought it was a bit mundane.

Spoilery Synopsis

It’s 1999, and the Japanese military is getting ready for action. A typhoon is coming, and a big one at that. Not only does it rain really hard, but it drives Godzilla ashore. The Anti-Megalosaurus Force (AMF) is deployed. They bring tanks and rocket launchers, and those work as well as they always do against Godzilla. The Maser gets his attention, but that goes badly for the troops. Credits roll.

The news reports that the attack was carried out by a monster similar to the Godzilla of 1954 (I guess we’re ignoring all the sequels again). The Prime Minister remembers how the original was defeated; Dr. Serizawa’s weapon has never been duplicated. Mothra and other monsters have attacked over the years, but have always been repelled. What can they do against Godzilla, though?

Meanwhile, at the AMF, Akane Yashiro is cleared from any wrongdoing in the loss of her Maser crew. Still, she’s been transferred to a desk job.

We cut to a science lab where Dr. Yuhara, the professor, talks about animal-machine hybrids. He’s soon taken to the Defense Agency to work on a new project. There’s a whole conference table of scientists invited to work on the project. They have found the skeleton of the original 1954 Godzilla and have taken cells to make a bio-robot. They want to make a robotic version of Godzilla and make it even stronger than the new one.

Yuhara doesn’t want to get involved, but his daughter, Sara, convinces him to take the job. Four years pass, and the construction proceeds.

Akane hates her desk job, but she’s done well in her years of punishment and is finally invited to join the Mechagodzilla team as a pilot. Colonel Togoshi runs the Kiryu project, and it’s nearing completion. The team undergoes extensive military combat training. At the base, Yuhara likes Akane, but she doesn’t even know who he is. They soon find out.

The machine is soon finished, and they present it to everyone on the news. It’s powered by DNA computers, the fastest available, as well as a freeze-ray. Suddenly, they spot the real Godzilla on the radar. What perfect timing!

Mechagodzilla is airlifted to the coast to wait for big G’s arrival. People flee through the streets.

Mechagodzilla attacks with missiles, rockets, lightning, and everything else it has. The absolute zero gun is ready to fire, but all of a sudden, something inside Mechagodzilla wakes up. The original Godzilla DNA cells remember its own death and lets the new one escape.

Suddenly, Mechagodzilla shoots at the human’s fighter planes. It then unloads all its weapons against Tokyo’s skyline. In about an hour, it’ll run out of power, but that’s going to be a really long hour.

Togashi tells the Prime Minister that it’s a design flaw and that they can fix it. They need the Kiryu project for the next time Godzilla shows up. They retrieve the powered-down machine and get to work fixing the problem. Godzilla’s road was what triggered the machine’s memories.

Sara yells at her father about how adults treat living things. She says the thing inside Mechagodzilla is suffering. Akane talks to her about moving on from her mother’s death.

There’s another Godzilla sighting, followed by another evacuation. His atomic breath makes short work of the conventional defenses. They don’t really want to try Kiryu again, but what choice do they have?

They launch Mechagodzilla again, and the battle continues. Mechagodzilla’s got a jetpack and a wide variety of weapons, but Godzilla’s got atomic breath. Just as Mechagodzilla’s power starts to fail, Godzilla falls over. Akane activates the absolute zero weapon, and that goes badly for Tokyo.

Mechagodzilla is knocked out, and Akane has to physically go inside the thing to reactivate it while the scientists figure out a way to recharge it; they drain the whole city’s power.

Togashi crashes his fighter plane into Godzilla’s mouth to keep it from firing at Akane. She grabs the big lizard and dumps him in the ocean. When she finally has the power to shoot the absolute zero weapon, she turns Godzilla into an iceberg. That doesn’t last, but it does convince Godzilla to go back to the ocean.

They couldn’t destroy Godzilla, but they beat it away this time. The PM declares it a great victory. Akane watches as Godzilla walks out into the ocean. Will they get a rematch?

Brian’s Commentary

Kiryu: Mechanical Dragon

Although not perfect, this is the first of the series to use CGI fairly well. There’s a lot of it, but it’s mostly pretty good and not super-obviously CGI. The battles look far more realistic this time around, and both creatures look good.

I’m not super clear about what was going on with Sara, but everything else made sense.

This was one of the better ones in my opinion.

Kevin’s Commentary

Science. So much science. DNA computers, and microwave blasters, and low temperature blasters, and giant cyborg robots oh my.

This one had a lot of military vs. Godzilla, creature combat, and collateral damage. It also seemed a little heavier on the people and what they were doing.

It was entertaining enough, but I didn’t feel like it was much we hadn’t seen before.

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We’ll start off this time with the second film, “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid” (2004), then the two real sequels, “Anaconda 3: Offspring” (2008) and “Anaconda: Trail of Blood” (2009). Then we’ll watch last year’s Chinese remake, “Anaconda” (2024). Lastly, we’ll watch the recently-released mostly-comedy, “Anaconda” (2025).

All this, as well as the latest issue of “Horror Monthly,” issue #53, is available! Check out all the back issues, as well as our other books, with one easy link:

https://horrormonthly.com

Mainstream Films:

2004 Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid

• Director: Dwight H. Little

• Writers: Hans Bauer, Jim Cash

• Stars: Morris Chestnut, KaDee Strickland, Eugene Byrd

• Runtime: 97 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

When a pharmaceutical company gets information on an orchid that only blooms for a limited time, only grows in Borneo, and could have incredible medical uses, a group goes off on an expedition to collect some. As the title hints, there are big snakes in the mix. And human mistakes and greed. It’s not a great film, but it’s well put together and managed to entertain us both.

Spoilery Synopsis

As credits roll, we open on some jungle people hunting a tiger, or maybe it’s hunting them. The tiger might be the least of these guys’ problems, as a giant anaconda eats them instead.

In the big city, Gordon is about to lose his pharmaceutical company for lack of performance. Jack explains about the blood orchid, a plant in Borneo that’s extremely rare and might be able to extend human life indefinitely. The orchid is only in bloom for another two weeks, so they need to hurry to Borneo and find some more.

In Borneo, there’s trouble with the charter boat; no one will go upriver until the rainy season ends… in three weeks. There’s one guy who will do it; Gordon, Gail, and Jack go into a seedy bar and find Bill Johnson, who wants fifty thousand for the journey. Ben, Cole, Tran, and some other characters introduce themselves at the docks the next day. There’s some banter and hijinks as we get to know the characters a little.

Bill’s little monkey pet takes a side quest and runs into trouble. They can hear the screams on the boat. In the morning, they all wonder where the monkey went.

Gail falls overboard and runs into a crocodile. Bill shows us that he’s a badass and fights it. We see, but the characters don’t, as the anaconda eats the whole dead crocodile. Also, the not-so-dead monkey comes back for an unexpected jump scare.

Because of the rainy season, the river is flooded, and debris jams the propellers; now they’re headed towards a waterfall in the broken boat. There’s literally no possible way the boat could survive going over the waterfall, and we were pleasantly surprised that it didn’t. With everyone in the water, we see the snake again, but it doesn’t get anyone.

Bill has a plan to hike to a place where they can be rescued. It only involves a short walk through the jungle. Bill calls his friend John to come and pick them up at a rendezvous point. The group then has to walk through a flooded region, and we see the snake is right alongside them. When the snake reveals itself and eats Ben, everyone sees it.

Bill says that was the largest he’s ever seen, a real freak of nature. Fortunately, they’re very territorial, so there won’t be another one for miles. Gail calls off the expedition, but Jack and Gordon refuse to stop. They all argue about how much is riding on this expedition. Cole is the “We’re all gonna die” guy, and he gets annoying fast. He shuts up when he finds leeches all over his body.

Meanwhile, at the boat, John is attacked by the anaconda and crashes the boat. The group finds the wreckage and manages to salvage a few things. Tran mentions that maybe they can find help with a nearby tribe of headhunters. When they find John’s body, Bill explains how anacondas spit up their food, also how they all congregate during mating season, so there may be more than just one.

They come to the tribe’s camp and it smells bad. There’s a dead anaconda there with half a man hanging out of it. The villagers are all gone now. Jack figures out that these anacondas are so big because they’ve been eating the orchids and have become immortal: they may never stop growing.

Jack unleashes a poison spider on Gordon, who tries to use the sat phone to call for help. Jack doesn’t want to quit just yet. The snake shows up and eats Gordon, who is too paralyzed to fight back. Jack then steals the raft while everyone’s distracted.

The others try to follow Jack on foot, and naturally, they get separated. Tran gets eaten, but Sam beheads the snake. Whoops- another sneak jumps out and grabs Cole, who miraculously survives.

Jack, Meanwhile, heads downriver and finds his orchids. The others soon catch up, and they all know what Jack did. The flowers are surrounded by baby anacondas, and Sam is forced to retrieve them. There’s a struggle over the bag of flowers and Jack is bitten by one of those spiders and falls into the nest. The snakes are all so distracted by eating him that Sam escapes.

Bill shoots a flare gun, and the whole rain-soaked hillside explodes, burying the nest, the flowers, and everything else. Bill, Sam, Cole, and Gail all laugh at their luck as they row the raft further downstream.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s got a very “TV Movie” vibe to it, but it was, in fact, a theatrical release. It’s also the last film in the franchise to focus mostly on practical effects, but there’s still plenty of CGI going on.

The story is very predictable, and you know how it’s all going to play out. Still, it’s nicely paced, the characters are distinctive, and it more or less all makes sense.

It’s not great, but it’s entertaining if you like big CGI snakes.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was bracing myself for awfulness and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t too bad. Quite entertaining in fact. The use of CGI is heavy and obvious, but the story moves well and the cast does a decent job. Watching it was a pleasurable experience.

2008 Anaconda 3: Offspring

• Director: Don E. FauntLeRoy

• Writers: Nicholas Davidoff, David C. Olson

• Stars: David Hasselhoff, Crystal Allen, Ryan McCluskey, Patrick Regis, John Rhys-Davies, Anthony Green.

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The blood orchid from the previous movie only works on snakes, and works very well, in the lab - which they bust out of. The company wants to keep it quiet, so a team of expendables are sent to retrieve them. It’s watchable, but pretty low effort and mediocre. The sequels are not heading the right direction in quality.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on four men walking through the woods (it doesn’t look like the jungle), and there’s a big snake crawling through the trees above them. Suddenly, they’re attacked by the snake, and there’s a lot of shooting. Credits roll.

Mr. Murdoch listens to a report on the testing of a new drug that had horrible results. He tells Pinkus that PETA has been complaining about the company and the leak that told them about it. They have a queen anaconda in their lab. They’ve been working on blood orchid extract, and it seems to be working, but only in snakes right now; it’s lethal in humans.

They’re experiments with the serum have made aggressive giant snakes. Amanda Hayes is the herpetologist of the facility, and she wants bigger, stronger cages. She picks up right away that Murdoch is dying and wants the serum to live longer.

The big snake breaks through the glass and kills a technician. The base goes on lockdown as the snake disappears. It bites the head off a security guard on the way to the queen. Amanda goes to the main lab, but the queen is now gone. The snakes were smart enough to break out. Murdoch orders Pinkus and Grozny to take control of the situation.

We cut to Hammett, the guy we saw in the opening scene, selling rhino horns on the black market. We see that he’s a badass even without the wild animals. Pinkus calls him to hunt the snake. The ragtag collection of diverse caricatures heads off to hunt the snake.

Elsewhere, a farmer has some misadventures and finds himself inside a snake. The team shows up, searches, and Grozny is impaled. Everyone blasts the snake with machine guns, but nothing stops the snake.

Amanda and Pinkus come face to face with the huge snake. Hammett finally shows up and immediately explains a plan and starts giving orders. There’s an extended chase scene through the woods. Victor and Sofia don’t last long against the snake. Amanda escapes but then has a flashback to all the people she’s watched die.

Everyone comes to the conclusion that Amanda knows more than she’s telling. She admits that they messed with the snake’s DNA and it got a little… mutated. Also, the queen is pregnant and will be giving birth very soon. The offspring will be useful in developing the health serum. But they all know that would be bad news for the country if they are allowed to live free.

The snakes arrive, and Pinkus dies. Hammett calls the local army guy and asks for backup, but he’s clearly not into that and might have faked the call. The snakes, meanwhile, slither into the local lake that’s really near the town.

Amanda and Nick follow the snake into an old factory, and there’s a lot of hide-and-seek. It finds Nick first, but he feeds it a grenade. That’s one dead snake, but the queen is still out there.

We cut back to Murdoch, who’s on the phone with someone we don’t know, making some kind of plan.

Hammett shoots Andre in the back and holds Amanda at gunpoint; he wants those baby snakes - he’s been promised 10 million bucks for one. He and Amanda fight, but he doesn’t see the big snake behind him until it’s too late, or her knife stabbing him in the belly. Amanda throws a bomb at Hammett, the queen, and the baby snakes. The bomb blows up everything as Amanda walks back to the car.

Murdoch’s other man goes back to the blown-up factory and retrieves some surviving baby snakes. On the way out, he passes Amanda, who’s burning all the science-y records.

This story isn’t over…

Brian’s Commentary

This one was made for TV by the Sci-Fi channel simultaneously with the fourth film. The CGI is just atrociously bad with the snake. The characters are all cliched “types” that you’d expect to see in a cheaply made film.

The writers must have seen “Predator” a few times, as some of the characters and situations were ripped right from that film. In the previous film, the tough guy was killing anacondas with the throw of a knife; here, six guys empty their Uzis into one, repeatedly, and it doesn’t slow down.

It ends with a bit of a cliffhanger, obviously leading into the fourth film. Murdoch and his assistant are still alive and have a snake. Amanda is still alive, and she may or may not be back to fight snakes again.

It’s OK, but far from great. It’s got Hasselhoff, which is a big indicator of the quality of the film.

Kevin’s Commentary

The CGI is pretty bad in this one. And the story. And the characters. It’s made for TV production, and it shows.

I understand that the snake was supercharged with a serum, but it couldn’t have been nearly as bullet proof as it was in this production. Though a grenade in the mouth finally does the trick for one of them. Like the previous film, human greed and mistakes play a big factor.

I thought it was watchable, and I didn’t truly hate it, but it was low level entertainment.

2009 Anacondas: Trail of Blood

• Director: Don E. FauntLeRoy

• Writers: David C. Olson

• Stars: Crystal Allen, Linden Ashby, Danny Midwinter, and John Rhys-Davies

• Runtime: 1 hour, 29 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one follows the third movie closely as a sequel, with surviving baby snakes, Alex, and Murdoch back for more. As well as a bunch of new snake victims. Greed and mistakes are still supporting characters as well. It’s on par in overall quality with the third film, maybe a hair better. And if you saw that one you should see this one to see how things wrap up.

Spoilery Synopsis

With the retrieval of the blood orchid and the anaconda babies, the research continues in Peter’s lab. Now, the snakes can regenerate when their heads are cut off. We get a good look at the lab, and the big snake clearly wants out. It easily escapes and kills the scientist who had the snake at the end of the previous film.

At Murdoch’s house, Eugene arrives to pick up a million dollars if he’ll do a little job for Murdoch. Murdoch thinks the scientist stole the orchid formula and is offering it to the highest bidder. He wants Peter the scientist dead, and also Amanda if she should show up.

Meanwhile, in Eastern Europe (that’s where anacondas live, right?), a hiker gets lost in the woods. Alex has no idea how to read a paper map. He runs into Amanda and her two policeman assistants. They find signs of a big predator.

Not long after, Jackson, an archaeologist, tells his crew about the important discovery they’re about to make. They stop at a fallen tree and have to walk the rest of the way to their camp. They mention that there’s no cell service or radio out here.

Amanda’s group finds Peter’s enhanced orchids in his lab. She plants bombs to wipe out the flowers, but then the snake shows up and kills the two policemen. Amanda and Alex make their way out through a mine shaft. She hears the snake roaring behind her (do snakes roar now?) The snake is about to kill her when part of the roof collapses on it, and she gets away.

Jackson arrives in the dig’s camp, but there aren’t any people here. They’ve all gone missing. He soon finds their partially eaten bodies, but it’s too late in the afternoon to go back, so they have to camp there. By the time the rest of the team arrives, all the bodies have gone missing.

Eugene’s crew of assassins arrive at Peter’s lab.

Heather gets stung by a poisonous spider and gets sick, so they can’t all just walk out the woods today. There’s a whole, “we have to drain the poison” scene that looks pretty nasty. Jackson leaves her and Wendy at camp while they walk up to the excavation site. Jackson soon finds the bodies of the other team.

Alex runs through the woods, but Amanda has his lost car keys. She shows up and runs into the snake just in time to save Alex. She shoots at the snake, which draws the attention of both Eugene and Jackson’s groups. Everyone runs, but some of them aren’t fast enough.

Eugene then takes everyone hostage and insists that Amanda go and get the serum from the snake. Amanda explains to Scott about the serum, the orchids, and the snake. They stop at Peter’s house and Amanda finds the serum. Some of it is spilled, which is going to attract the big one.

Something blows up, and everyone runs in different directions. Scott sacrifices himself so that Amanda can get away. She blows up the snake, but it soon starts to regenerate.

Murdoch shows up at Eugene’s campsite. Vasile, the policeman who we thought died, is there, and he wants more money. Eugene double-crosses Murdoch, but shoots Vasile by mistake. Jackson knocks out Eugene and takes his gun.

Amanda and Jackson confront Murdoch, who wants the serum. He lets them go; the two of them, along with Alex and Heather get into a car and drive off. Murdoch injects himself with the serum, which immediately attracts the snakes. He’s healthy now, a very healthy snack for the big snake.

Amanda stops the car and blows up all the orchids.

Eugene wakes up and finds everyone is either dead or gone. He jumps on the back of Amanda’s car to escape and shoots Amanda. Jackson and Eugene fight on the roof of the car, with the anaconda right behind them. Amanda pulls the pins on Eugene’s grenades, and he and the snake blow into a million pieces.

As everyone drives off, we see that there are still snakes out there.

Brian’s Commentary

The snake sounds like a roaring lion every time we see it. I’m not sure why Amanda was so intent on blowing up the flowers, since curing cancer is usually considered a good thing. They don’t really need the snakes, that’s just a side effect of the testing.

The film mostly continues the plot from part three, but also incorporates some of the ideas of the second film as well. There’s not much connection to the original at all.

It does wrap up the previous film. Otherwise, it’s pretty lackluster.

Kevin’s Commentary

In addition to the roaring lion that Brian mentioned, there’s often the sound effect of a rattlesnake.

Machine gun shooting 101 - it’s a lot more effective to aim at what you want to shoot rather than randomly waving the gun in the air while holding the trigger down. There was too much of that - from pros who would know better.

It was a missed opportunity not showing the blown up pieces regenerating into new snakes after they left, but we’ll have to be satisfied with one still surviving being shown.

I thought it was consistent with the previous film, maybe a little better. I didn’t hate it but it’s pretty middling.

2024 Anaconda (Chinese)

• Director: Xiang Qiuliang and Xiang Hesheng

• Stars: Terence Yin, Nita Xia, Paul Che, Jiu Kong, Ken Lok, Wang Xing Chen, Wang Gang, Wang Zi Run, Xu Shao Hang, and Wu Hao

• Runtime: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a Chinese reboot of the 1997 original movie, not a sequel. There’s similarities to the original, and quite a few differences too. A group of circus folks traveling the river run into deadly highjinx with bad people and badder snakes. So many snakes, of normal size and giant size. It moves well with entertainment and the action is good. We’d say it was just about as good, if not somewhat better, than the US original.

Spoilery Synopsis

The four men in the boat talk about the Red Anaconda, the worst kind, and that the place they are going to is cursed. Right away, there’s some treachery, as one guy stabs another in the neck and then cuts his head off– which is promptly eaten. They’re here to poach poisonous snakes, and they soon have sackfuls.

As one man carries a sack to the boat, he’s eaten whole by a giant anaconda. It then gets the third man, only leaving the nasty leader alive. He recognizes the crimson anaconda and smiles evilly. Credits roll.

We cut to a very weird variety show. During a water-escape act, everyone notices a big snake above the tank. It falls in, and the audience freaks out. Turns out, that’s part of the show. The audience doesn’t appreciate the show and they demand a refund. Mr. Jin comes in and buys the whole thing; he wants to take them all to Thailand. Lan doesn’t want to go and quits the act. She changes her mind and decides to come, along with her snake, Jimmy. They set sail.

Right away, one of the men on the boat gets snakebitten, but it’s not a poisonous variety. There’s a zombie jump scare, but it’s just a new act that one of the guys is developing for the circus.

The boat stops. The captain shows them a huge pile of garbage and debris that’s blocking the river. The boss doesn’t want to take a detour (as he’s got something sketchy planned), so they decide to blow up the stuff blocking the river. The debris is jam-packed with snakes, and it’s soon raining reptiles all over the boat. There are a lot of snakes.

There’s an accident, and a man falls overboard. He runs into Jeff, the snake-poacher guy we saw in the opening sequence. He joins them aboard the ship. Jeff helps when one of the men gets a snake stuck in his ear. Lan knows snakes, and she says the man was bitten by a poisonous snake and didn’t flinch. How many bites does it take to grow immunity? There’s something about Jeff that she doesn’t like.

That night, the captain goes overboard and disappears. In the morning, we see that Jeff is using the captain as bait for a really big snake. The birds all fly away. “Something big is coming,” Jeff warns. He briefly hooks the big snake, but it gets away. Still, everyone sees it. The snake grabs Jeff and drags him all over the river, but he manages to get away from it. The snake does eventually vomit up what’s left of the captain.

The snake comes up onto the boat and everyone hides from it as it prowls. The snake is very fast and very mean. Some fuel is spilled in the panic, and there’s a fire and explosion. The boat burns, and everyone is stuck in the jungle. Jeff says he can lead them out. No one trusts him, but they don’t have much choice. A-Li has been bitten by something and has 48 hours to get treatment or she’ll die.

The group camps in a cave, and there’s more drama with that. The little boy is attacked and rescued, Jeff eats a raw snake, and the girls bond over chocolate. Jin confides to Jeff that the others are his product; he’s selling them for organ transplants when they get to the destination. One of the two cousins is dripped on by the snake and gets some variety of hydrophobia, but he’s eaten before that’s too much of a problem. The other cousin gets it in the morning.

They soon arrive at Jeff’s boat, but he wants their help in catching the snake. Jin backs Jeff in the argument. The ones who won’t cooperate are tied up for use as bait. There’s a struggle, and the snake finally gets Jeff. Ali is wounded in the fight and dies as well.

The three remaining characters climb into Jeff’s boat, but it turns out that Jeff’s still not dead. Once again, the three are tied up as bait for the Crimson Anaconda. A whole group of anacondas show up, but they’re soon run off by the biggest of all. Jeff’s got a net trap set up, but it doesn’t work as well as he’d hoped. As it swallows him, the other three get out from the ropes and hide.

The three are about to die when, out of nowhere, snake Jimmy jumps down as a distraction as Chinese-Hodor jams a log down the snake’s throat. The snake also loses an eye. This enrages the snake enough that it charges right into one of the traps Jeff set for it and is beheaded.

As the trio sails away in Jeff’s repaired boat, the headless snake rises up and sticks out a tongue.

Brian’s Commentary

Being a much newer film, the CGI snakes are the best we’ve seen in the series. Yes, this is a “real” film in the series, as the Chinese company bought the rights to the series to make this. I never did catch most of the characters’ names, but they’re all distinctive enough that everyone is easily distinguishable from one another.

It’s nicely paced, looks fantastic, has a lot of humor, and works well overall.

Kevin’s Commentary

This one is a remake not a sequel. I went in expecting the worst, and I was pleasantly surprised.

Like Brian, I immediately noticed how much better the CGI was in this one vs. the US original and sequels. In addition to the CGI snakes, there are loads of practical effect snakes - this wouldn’t be a good one to watch if you have a phobia.

The boat captain is quite a character and looks like a caricature, and they are all at least a little quirky and interesting. The action scenes are very good.

I was very entertained and would recommend it.

2025 Anaconda

• Director: Tom Gormican

• Writers: Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten

• Stars: Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Steve Zahn, Thandiwe Newton, Daniela Melchior, and Selton Mello

• Runtime: 99 minutes

• YouTube Trailer Link:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A quartet of people on the fringes of show business obtain the rights to the original “Anaconda” movie and decide to remake it on location in the jungles of Brazil. Where there happens to really be a gigantic anaconda. It’s not a horror movie in itself, it’s a comedy adventure, but they are remaking a horror movie. It’s well made with a strong cast, but we both just thought it was okay.

Spoilery Synopsis

A French couple is out in the Amazon rainforest, and they know they’re in trouble. As she makes her escape, some guy is eaten by a giant snake. Credits roll.

We cut to a conference room, where Doug McCallister tells a scary story that’s really just his idea of a wedding video; he makes wedding videos. We also meet Ronald Griffin, who’s an actor playing “Doctor Number 3” but gets fired very quickly. On the way out, he stops to look at a poster for the original “Anaconda” film.

Both men wind up at Doug’s surprise birthday party that evening. They made amateur horror movies when they were thirteen, and they all miss it. Afterward, they all talk about the original “Anaconda” film again. Griff mentions that he’s got the rights to the film now. He wants to reboot the series, indie-style, filmed in the actual Amazon. Kenny the videographer and Clair the actress agree to participate in it. Doug is reluctant, but his wife is all for it.

The group gets into the process of writing, planning, and financing the film. They soon arrive in the rainforest, where we meet Santiago, the snake handler. Santiago knows all about anacondas, showing them one he has in a cage.

We also see Ana, that Frenchwoman from earlier, skulking around, still being hunted by strange men. She steals the keys to a boat and pretends to be the pilot; it’s the filmmaker’s boat.

The group starts filming right away. We get a montage of the actors and crew doing their things. Afterward, they all compare head-butting styles. Later that night, a big anaconda slithers through their bedrooms on the boat. In the morning, they find that it’s Santiago’s snake that got out of the crate.

In the morning, Griff freaks out and kills the snake, sorta accidentally. They have a funeral for the snake. One of the men following Ana is eaten by an even bigger snake. Santiago and Griff go out into the jungle to find a new snake. Griff “nopes” right back to the boat, but Santiago finds his snake– actually, it finds him.

Everyone gets off the boat to look for Santiago, and the bad men search the boat. Doug, Griff, and the others soon learn about the big snake, as they get trapped inside a camper van.

Somehow, we find ourselves in a high-speed chase, being pursued by the giant snake and illegal gold miners. They make it back to the boat and have to decide whether to go home empty handed or stick around and keep filming. “We came down here to remake ‘Anaconda,’ and now we’re in it.” Doug rewrites the script to incorporate what he’s seen and use Ana as his new hero character.

The next day, another boat passes them on the river. Those people are also doing a reboot of ‘Anaconda.’ Griff may have been exaggerating about having the rights to the film. Surprisingly, everyone gets upset.

Griff quits and goes off in a little dinghy to find the other movie boat. He soon finds it, crashed, sunk, and floating in the river. All those actors and crew are dead.

Back on the main boat, Ana picks up a gun and forces Claire, Kenny, and Doug off the boat. Not long after, Griff returns and finds everyone gone. Ana makes everyone carry big bags of illegal gold that she stole from the miners. The men who have been chasing them are policemen. As Ana menaces everyone, the snake approaches.

When the snake attacks Ana, everyone runs. Doug gets bitten by a spider, and there’s a whole extended thing about Kenny peeing on his leg. When Doug finally gets his leg peed on, it’s a major victory.

Doug starts to give a rousing speech to Griff just as the snake comes out of nowhere and snatches him. They later find him regurgitated under a tree. They decide to use his body, tied to a dead pig and squirrel, as a distraction for the snake while they run to a boat. Suddenly, Doug wakes up tied to a dead pig with a squirrel in his mouth and a giant snake right behind him. Turns out, the pig’s not dead either, which leads to some hilarity.

The group finds the base camp where that other party was filming the real “Anaconda” remake. Ice Cube, one of the actors from the film, shows up to join their group. “Who were you expecting, Jon Voight?” He says they were setting up pyrotechnics all over the jungle for his film.

We then get a montage of everyone getting ready to blow up the snake while on film. That doesn’t work so well, and the four soon find themselves cornered. Griff finally “heroes up” and shoots it with a flare gun, making the snake explode spectacularly.

We cut to Doug and Griff accepting an award for their unauthorized, probably illegal reboot film. They were then sued by Sony. J-Lo comes to Doug and wants him to direct the new, real reboot.

During the end credits, Santiago sits up in the jungle, amazed that he’s alive.

Brian’s Commentary

Honestly, I laughed more at the Chinese version from the previous year.

Still, it’s an interesting concept, remaking the movie that the film is based on while running into other people doing the same thing.

It’s fine for a goofy comedy, and it does use a lot of the horror tropes. Still it could have used more Jon Voight.

Kevin’s Commentary

It didn’t take long for me to grow weary of Jack Black and company trying to be funny. Though I did have some chuckles here and there, it didn’t satisfy me as a comedy.

I can’t fault the production values, and the cast worked hard at it, but I thought it was just okay overall.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Grizzly Night

• Directed by: Burke Doeren

• Written by: Bo Bean, Katrina Mathewson, Tanner Bean

• Stars: Charles Esten, Oded Fehr, Brec Bassinger

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 27 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In August 1967 in Glacier National Park, Montana, there were two fatal attacks by two different grizzly bears. Here they have milked this story into an hour and a half movie. It’s well made and the acting is decent, they captured 1967 pretty well. Brian liked it a lot, and Kevin says it feels like there’s a lot of filler that bored him some.

Spoilery Synopsis

A couple in a tent are harassed by a nosy grizzly bear as they hide in terror. This goes badly as credits roll.

It’s 1967, and this is based on a true story.

Eighteen hours before the attack, a woman files yet another report about the bear that’s been terrorizing the campers. The rangers are all busy with a firewatch and fire fighting after the lightning storm last night.

Joan, the new girl, gets assigned to lead an overnight hiking group since all the “real” rangers are busy. Julie calls her mother from the camp store; she’s going camping with Michelle, Paul, Denise, Raymond, Ronald, and Roy this weekend, since there’s nothing else to do. Everyone sets off on their respective hikes.

At the chalet, Joan stops with her group. Julie and Roy stop in, but there are no rooms available. Her and a few others have to sleep outside since the place is all booked up. Paul and Michelle’s group go to the lake and do some fishing.

Michelle’s group runs into a bear, and it takes their dinner. It’s too late to head to the ranger station, so they just hope it doesn’t come back. Roy staggers into camp and says a bear got Julie. The screaming wakes up Joan and the people at the chalet. We get a flashback, and see that they were the couple screaming before the credits.

Joan calls the main ranger, Gary, and reports the bear attack. He promises that help is on the way, but he’s a long way off. Gary then takes a helicopter to get there faster, but it’s awfully dark outside. Joan gets the people on the ground to light fires to give the copter a place to land, which finally works. The doctor patches up Roy and they load him onto the helicopter to the hospital.

Meanwhile, nine miles away, Denise wakes up, and the bear they saw earlier is back. The bear drags off Michelle, sleeping bag and all.

Gary, Joan, and the others search for Julie, and soon find signs of the attack in her campsite. They soon find her, still alive but wounded. Gary and Joan talk about leadership. Julie’s too far gone, so the priest moves in to do his thing as she dies. Gary explains that in 57 years, there hasn’t been a single grizzly attack until now.

In the morning, Michelle’s group is still out there, but they haven’t found her yet. They decide to walk to the ranger station and report what happened. Two attacks should be impossible, and the ranger there is skeptical at first. They search the woods and find… parts.

Many rangers show up, all armed; it’s time to kill the bears. Joan and Leonard talk about the likelihood of two bear attacks and whose fault this was.

Brian’s Commentary

This isn’t so much a horror movie as it is a drama about a terrifying situation. It starts out with all the horror movie tropes and characters, but then just focuses on what happens without playing up the bear or the drama excessively. It’s based on a true incident, and it doesn’t stray too far from the actual case.

It was quite good!

Kevin’s Commentary

This is indeed based on a true event. On the night of August 13, 1967, two young women were attacked and killed by two different bears miles apart in Glacier National Park, Montana - a heck of a coincidence. There’s an online article about the real thing that’s interesting - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_of_the_Grizzlies.

Here they expand the story out into a movie almost an hour and a half long. The sauce is spread mighty thin. It’s well made, but there isn’t a lot of substance. After the attacks, I found myself getting fairly bored.

2025 Merge

• Directed by: Bela Baptiste, Dalano Barnes, Richard Fenwick

• Written by: Bela Baptiste, Dalano Barnes, Richard Fenwick

• Stars: Achmed Abdel-Salam, Tatjana Alexander, Bela Baptiste

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 17 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s an anthology of science fiction short stories, each heavily depending on technology far ahead of where we currently are. It shows various ways humans could interact with such technology, and how it can interact with us when it has a mind of its own. The stories are pretty gentle, sweet, and romantic, with a zero body count. But there is uncertainty, a lack of control, and the potential for disaster making an undercurrent of horror if you look for it. The stories are all well written, well acted, and well directed. The CGI is a little heavy handed and obvious, but it’s entertaining. It reminded us of “Black Mirror.”

Spoilery Synopsis

A man has breakfast in a futuristic city and suddenly starts screaming.

Angst

A narrator explains that everything is perfect and everyone is happy now. Fear no longer exists, and that’s how he makes his business. He gives people phobias for excitement. We see a man become terrified of his own pet spider and a woman becomes claustrophobic. We return to that screaming man and see what he thinks he sees. “Embracing your fear allows you to be reborn,” he explains. The man offers the drug for free. Credits roll.

Soulmate

A couple talks in bed. He’s so glad he found her, he bought her a book. Turns out, this is a virtual world, and only the girl is real. She’s not allowed to be in there, and there’s an investigation into the illegal avatar. She goes back inside to break up with the man, who doesn’t understand. When she arrives back at work, the boss is sitting at her workstation; she’s going to be caught– but she isn’t. As the boss goes for a break, she deletes the AI logs.

The investigation eventually ends, and Anna goes back to work. She restores the deleted information and goes back inside for Neil, who no longer recognizes her. She gets a message: “Scenes no longer compatible with current software version.’ She deletes this newest meeting and then goes back in time to their first meeting. Anna meets Neil for the first time– again.

When Unfettered

Two men sit by their father, who dies. The father’s robot assistant, Ash, walks them through the process. The girls decide what to do with the house and also what happens with Ash, whom they don’t really want anymore. Ash goes outside for a walk, and she’s a lot more human than people expect. She meets a handicapped boy in the park and plays with him. Everyone thinks she’s great until the mom finds out she’s an AI, and then she gets rude. Then she meets and helps an old couple who are very nice.

Ash decides to never go home.

The First Time I Never Met You

John listens to recorded messages from his dead wife. He’s so broken up that he’s lost his job. Overdue notices litter his desk. He’s got some kind of plant that sends him back in time to the first time he met her. Their “first” date goes well; he’s a physicist, and she’s an evolutionary biologist. He talks about “rewinding” time. He’s so in awe at seeing her again that he acts strangely, knowing too much about her that she’s never told him. She’s so creeped out that she breaks it off and goes home.

Suddenly, he doesn’t remember why he’s there. He forgets his children and whole life, since now, none of that happened. He leaves the bar and goes back to his new, old life.

Subscribed

We open on a commercial for Vitalus, a new AI product. “Your life, upgraded!” We soon see that all the AI just lets people stay inside all the time. Carol gets a phone call, and it appears that maybe Vitalus is censoring the news and information she gets to keep her inside and addicted to the AI. It watches all her body functions everywhere, even on the toilet, and in bed. Luke keeps trying to get through to her, both on the phone and in-person, but the AI keeps dropping the call and running him off. The AI does not want her talking to him any more.

She wises up to all this, but “Vicky” still won’t let her out the front door. She shorts out the power and runs outside, where Vitalus Tases her and sends her back inside. She wakes up, and Vicky says it was all just a nightmare.

The Man Behind the Machine

Martin lives in a warehouse; a man from the Turing company comes to repossess his android. He’s an older model and is returned to Turing, where he meets a newer model. His signal is different; he’s malfunctioning and escapes back to Martin. He wants to choose what he wants, which is unique.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s way more sci-fi than horror, but these alternate, high-tech futures have a lot of overlap with horror. The first segment of this anthology has dodgy CGI and voice dubbing, but the others mostly look good and are well-acted. I have to admit, I didn’t really understand the final segment. The middle segments are the best of the bunch,

If you like “Black Mirror,” then you’ll probably enjoy this.

Kevin’s Commentary

The CGI was a little overused and obvious at times, but the technologies and stories were cool.

The stories were all at least pretty good. The last one was a bit confusing. I especially liked “When Unfettered.” What’s an autonomous AI robot to do when they lose their job because their master died?

I’d call it a win overall, not really horror, but I enjoyed it.

2006 Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes

• Directed by: Jake West

• Written by: Barbara Werner, Jake West, John Werner

• Stars: Lance Henriksen, Doug Bradley, Douglas Roberts

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This third movie is a sequel to the first movie, even bringing back several of the same characters. This time several wronged people want revenge and go to the witch Haggis to summon Pumpkinhead, and the main target tries to fight back. It’s not as good as the first one, but it was still pretty entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

A man named Bunt runs through the woods in a panic. Pumpkinhead is right behind him. When he catches him, he cuts an “X” in his forehead. And then Bunt wakes up. His boss, Doc Fraser, tells him it’s time to move the body. As Bunt hides the body, the ghost of Ed Harley, from the first film, comes and tells him bad things are coming his way.

A hiker in the woods spots Bunt dragging a corpse behind him. He runs to a nearby crematorium. Inside, Doc Fraser cuts open a dead man as his accomplices watch. The hiker stumbles in and interrupts things; on the way running out, he finds numerous other bodies. They soon catch the man and use him for parts.

Doc takes the man’s kidney to a man to sell it for him. Meanwhile, the now-kidneyless dead man wakes up, not as dead as they all thought. He flags down a truck and gets ride to town. Molly Sue takes him to the police station, who rush out to the crematorium and arrest the people there.

In the morning, the sheriff’s men clear out the bodies from the crematorium’s barn. They find lots of bodies. One of the bodies they dig up is in the middle of an old pumpkin patch; Doc Fraser is there, and this one doesn’t look familiar.

In jail, Bunt tells his accomplices about Pumpkinhead, who feeds on sins.

Back at the crematorium, the old woman from the woods shows up and looks at the weird body. “This one belongs to me. You outta know better than to disturb this one.”

Molly finds her dead son with the other bodies, and she’s angry. She wants revenge on whoever did this and wants the old woman’s help. She, along with a handful of friends, go to track down the old woman that night. The old woman seems more than happy to help. They all get their hands sliced for blood, and soon enough, the ritual is done. The twisted little skeleton writhes and becomes Pumpkinhead.

At jail, Bunt screams, “It’s coming for us!” And it does, right then. It kills the deputy, but the prisoners Bunt and Dahlia get away. They run home to her father, Doc Fraser. They all talk about the monster.

Oliver and Mary Sue go to see Doc; she’s not feeling well after the ritual. As soon as they leave, Pumpkinhead attacks Tiny, and all the baddies see it. They hop in the car and drive off. Bunt sees Ed Harley’s ghost in the road and makes them crash. Bunt gives us a flashback to the first film, when he encountered the monster.

Meanwhile, at the church, there’s a midnight memorial service for all those dead people they found. Doc arrives and sits with Molly and Oliver. Pumpkinhead arrives soon after, and the whole town sees the CGI creature jump through the skylight. The resulting carnage goes on for a long time.

Molly and Oliver talk about the curse. Why did Pumpkinhead go to the church? Who was it after?

Oliver, Ellie, and Ritchie regret calling up Pumpkinhead and want to undo what they did. They go back to the old woman, who says that Pumpkinhead can’t be stopped.

Doc goes to see Ritchie and tries to kill him but is interrupted by the monster. When Doc kills Ritchie, Pumpkinhead collapses, allowing the evil doctor to get away. Ellie and Oliver return and find the body, along with evidence that Doc was involved.

Molly is packing up to leave town when Doc arrives to kill her. Oliver arrives and warns her about Doc. Dahlia and Bunt pack up to leave as well. All of them decide to stop at Lenny the drug dealer’s house first for some reason.

Bunt comes to Oliver and Ellie and tells them everything. They plan to get the crematorium working and dispose of all those corpses, which might make the demon go away.

Doc and Molly have a talk. He did what he did to give the town free health care.

Meanwhile, Oliver and company burn all those bodies at the cemetery, shoving them into the crematory oven like firewood. Molly holds Doc at gunpoint as Pumpkinhead kills Lenny and Dahlia in the next room. The whole place explodes, and only Doc seems to have survived.

At the crematorium, Ed comes to Bunt one more time to sound ominous and foreboding. Doc comes in and shoots at Ellie but misses; Pumpkinhead comes in and kills Doc. There’s only one more body left to cremate. Ellie throws it into the fire, but nothing happens. Ellie then crawls into the fire and burns herself up– she was the last of the four who conjured up the monster.

Pumpkinhead collapses and shrivels back into the body of Ed Harley before dissolving into a skeleton. The FBI guys finally show up and talk to Oliver and Bunt.

The old woman comes to the crematorium and takes Ellie/Pumpkinhead’s little body back to the pumpkin patch.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s a decent enough continuation of the story from the first film. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it does seem to stick to the information we learned in the first film.

Lance Henriksen returns from the first film, but his part is basically just a cameo as a ghost. Doug Bradley has a substantial role as the villain of the film. These two are both good, as always, but most of the rest of the cast is mediocre at best.

It’s alright, but nothing special.

Kevin’s Commentary

Mediocre CGI strikes again and too often. The creature looks good when he’s a practical effect though.

The story is a pretty good sequel of the first movie, following the same rules. I saw in the trivia that Lance Henriksen was so embarrassed by the film that he snuck out of a Q&A without taking the stage, but I didn’t think it was that bad. It’s not as good as the first one was, but it’s entertaining.

1955 It Came from Beneath the Sea

• Directed by: Robert Gordon

• Written by: George Worthing Yates, Harold Jacob Smith

• Stars: Kenneth Tobey, Faith Domergue, Donald Curtis

• Run Time: 1 hour, 19 Minutes

• Watch it:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

The “It” is a gigantic octopus (or hexopus if you look closely - the budget was tight and it’s a couple arms short). The military and lab stuff is all realistic looking because it was the real thing, mostly. The puppetry, miniatures, and rear screen use are pretty obvious but they get the job done. The original was black and white, but it’s since been colorized. It’s a fun creature feature of the 1950s, worthy of being called a classic of its time.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get a military voiceover talking about the new submarines. The human mind had thought of everything… except that which was beyond his comprehension… Credits roll.

We are shown the wonders of the periscope. Commander Matthews talks to another officer, Griff, about how impressive the ship is. Suddenly, something big shows up on the sonar that might be following them. They accelerate, but the thing is gaining on them. It bumps the ship from behind as it catches up. Also, there’s a radiation warning, but it’s not coming from their engine. They finally manage to escape whatever it is and head to dry-dock for repairs.

The men find something strange stuck in the rudder, and the scientists had to analyze it. Dr. John Carter and Professor Lesley Joyce, two marine biologists, explain that what they brought in was just a small piece of a much larger creature. Mathews likes Joyce and makes that abundantly clear.

The scientists work for a couple of weeks and then report that the creature is an octopus, albeit a giant one, that lived on the bottom of the ocean until H-Bombs stirred up the ocean floor and irradiated it. It can no longer eat fish, so it may be hunting for a higher form of life, maybe even man. The heads of the military don’t seem impressed or believe that the problem is a giant octopus.

We cut to a cargo ship out in the ocean, and they spot a huge tentacle outside the ship. It pulls the whole ship down. Carter and Joyce are finished with the military and ready to move on to their next project, but Mathews isn’t going to give her up that easily. The admiral revokes their transfer and requires them all stay– they know about the cargo ship that went down. The survivors tell the story, and it’s still a little hard to believe. The military heads still aren’t convinced. The survivor recants his tales, and Joyce goes to meet with him before he’s released. She’s smooth and crafty about getting the sailor to tell about what he saw.

The military shuts down all shipping in the Pacific as they hunt for the monster. Joyce warns that they might be able to kill the thing once they do find it. The main characters all split up to run down a few leads as they hunt for the octopus.

They soon find a wrecked car, a missing family, and odd circles in the sand on a beach. That must be the place! Instead of investigating, Mathews and Joyce are soon making out on the beach. They soon get an actual sighting.

The Navy plans to trap the creature in San Francisco Bay. Carter talks about the need to destroy the creature’s brain; they have a special weapon for the job– a jet-propelled torpedo. Joyce explains that this kind of thing has happened in the past.

The creature makes another appearance, and they attack it with depth charges and electricity. This only manages to anger it, and it climbs up onto the Golden Gate Bridge. Carter has to drive out to the middle of the bridge to turn off the electricity. Mathew and Joyce soon follow to pick him up. The trio barely make it off the bridge before the monster crushes it. The octopus eventually gives up and goes back into the water and vanishes.

The monster soon reappears at the ferry terminal, where there are a lot of people still around. As it starts to pull itself up onto land, Mathews and his submarine approach. They dive and prepare torpedoes, but the harbor is pretty crowded, so it’s gonna take some luck. They embed a torpedo into it, but then it grabs and holds onto the sub.

Mathews himself puts on Scuba equipment to blast the sub loose with explosives. It doesn’t work, so Carter tries next; he shoots it in the eye, which really gets its attention. Griff orders that the torpedo be detonated, and the octopus blows up. Carter and Mathews are picked up, alive, not long after.

Mathews wants Joyce to marry him, but she’s argumentative and wants to write a book instead.

Brian’s Commentary

Could Mathews be any more inappropriate with Joyce if he tried? He’d be up on charges for coming on that strong today. It’s the 50’s, where “No” always means “Yes.”

The filmmakers had access to a lot of military sets and equipment, probably all leftover from the war, and they weren’t afraid to incorporate them into making the film seem more realistic.

The monster is one of Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion creations, and it’s really well done. It crushes ships, the Golden Gate, and various buildings near the ferry port. It’s not much compared to modern effects, but for the time, this was all groundbreaking stuff.

Kevin’s Commentary

The interior submarine scenes were really filmed in a submarine. How cool is that?

What’s worse than a gigantic angry octopus? A radioactive gigantic angry octopus.

It’s strange to think that everyone on the screen is seventy years older than they were when this was released.

It’s very 1950s in sexual and social attitudes, culture, and technology, which I thought added to the fun. It seems to take a long time to get to showing the creature, but we do finally get a payoff.

2001 Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack

• Directed by: Shusuke Kaneko

• Written by: Keiichi Hasegawa, Shusuke Kaneko, Masahiro Yokotani

• Stars: Chiharu Niyama, Ryudo Uzaki, Masahiro Kobayashi

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one is another sequel to the original 1954 Godzilla that disregards all those that have come since - except for a dig at the 1998 American remake starring Matthew Broderick when an admiral mentions a creature looking something like Godzilla that attacked the United States. It’s a bad Godzilla vs. several good guy monsters and there’s lots of big creature action, carnage and explosions, as well as humans to root for. It’s not the best of them, but it’s entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a Japanese Navy meeting where they talk about the 1954 Godzilla attack (I suspect we’re going to ignore all the other films). There was a monster that looked like Godzilla that attacked the USA, but the real one hasn’t been seen since. Suddenly, a US nuclear sub has gone missing. The Japanese send a deep-sea rescue sub down after it. Suddenly, a giant monster arrives on the scene. Guess who? Credits roll!

At Mt. Myoko, a reporter talks about the monster of the mountain. They’re making a pseudo-entertainment documentary to entertain children. There’s a sudden earthquake, and it’s clear that there was a real monster involved.

There’s some kind of earthquake that night, and Yuri, the reporter, wants to investigate. The army shoots a special “digging” missile at the mountain. An old truck driver claims he saw a monster last night, and it must have been Godzilla. Yuri is given a book, “The Guardian Monsters,” and some of the pictures inside look familiar.

Yuri’s father is an admiral, and he thinks she drinks too much. She turns on the TV and learns about another monster attack; this one left a bunch of kids wrapped in cocoons.

Yuri interviews an old man who has been saying Godzilla will return for years now. He says she needs to wake up Ghidorah to stop Godzilla this time. Baragon, Mothra, and Ghidorah are the guardian monsters. They are supposed to sleep for 10,000 years, so it’s too soon to wake them up.

Yuri’s father, the admiral, has a flashback to 1954, and it wasn’t a happy memory. A giant monster attacks, and everyone says it’s Godzilla, but we know better; it’s Baragon. The actual Godzilla soon arrives on shore and heads right toward the other monster. Soon, they’re fighting as Yuri and Kadokura watch from afar. Little Baragon doesn’t have a chance. Meanwhile, the old harbinger breaks open some ice we saw in a nearby cave.

The military is activated to take on Godzilla, and fighter jets are dispatched. Yuri obtains a bike and sets off toward Godzilla to get the story rather than follow along with the evacuation of the area. Not surprising, the missiles only manage to make Godzilla more angry, and he shoots the jets out of the air with his atomic breath. Yuri gets it all on film and follows Godzilla from a distance.

Another creature wakes up from the ice cave where the old man is; Ghidora. But wait, there’s more! Mothra also hatches from her cocoon at the same time. All of them head toward Godzilla. Baragon, Mothra, and Ghidorah are all heading toward Tokyo, where Godzilla is also on the way.

Mothra shoots some kinds of spores that knock Godzilla over onto a building. He retaliates with nuclear breath, which really makes a mess of the city– and Yuki, who survives somehow.

Ghidorah shows up, and he’s dramatic with his three-headed lightning bite. Godzilla, on the other hand, is unstoppable. The humans then open fire on Godzilla, which just results in an angry Godzilla blasting the military.

Godzilla blasts Mothra, who dissolves into millions of glowing lights that reinvigorate the apparently dead Ghidorah. The two merge into something new that’s blast proof. Super-Ghidorah clobbers Godzilla explosively and the fight moves underwater.

Yuri learns that her father is leading the counterattack from a small submarine that isn’t really meant for war. They shoot Ghidorah by mistake, and that goes badly. But then Ghidorah is reanimated and supercharged by a chunk of stone from one of the talisman statues.

There’s still more battling between the two until Godzilla finally blasts Ghidorah into dust. Baragon and the other two guardians are visible as golden energy that combines and then dissolves.

The admiral pilots his submarine right down Godzilla’s throat, and Godzilla swallows. He’s not immediately killed and uses one of those drill-missiles to shoot his way out. Godzilla tries to blast Yuri and Kadokura, but his nuclear blast shoots out the wrong hole and he collapses into the water. He tries blasting again and blows himself up. The sub bobs to the surface.

Yuri and the admiral are reunited, and both are OK. Tokyo, on the other hand, looks to be mostly gone now. Down in the harbor, we see Godzilla’s still-beating heart– nothing else, just the beating heart. He’ll be back!

Brian’s Commentary

The monsters are still men (and a woman this time) in rubber suits, but there’s also a great deal of really dated CGI here. The bad CGI is pretty distracting this time, because there’s so much of it, but there is some good carnage and explosions. Godzilla’s fire breath is really impressive this time around.

This is the one and only film where Ghidorah is considered one of the “good guys” rather than a main villain creature. This one endows the Guardian Monsters with magical healing powers and a bit of religious mystery to them, which basically lets them come back from the dead several times.

Kevin’s Commentary

This one had more of a tangible body count than typical. Not gory graphic, but many instances of people getting stomped and blown up and crushed in rubble. Plus aftermath showing the many wounded.

Godzilla is purely the bad creature here, which isn’t typical either.

Mothra looks especially cool in this one, I thought. Fluorescent colors and more movement from the wings and legs than we usually see. I also liked the gold dragon look of King Ghidorah.

This wasn’t the best of them, but it was entertaining.

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Mainstream Films:

2026 Killer Whale

• Directed by: Jo-Anne Brechin

• Written by: Jo-Anne Brechin, Katharine McPhee

• Stars: Virginia Gardner, Mel Jarnson, Mitchell Hope

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Two young women end up trapped on a tropical atoll by a killer whale with a thing against humans. The acting is a moderately bright spot in a slog of bad pacing, a lame simple script, and way too much CGI and greenscreen. We didn’t care much for this one.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open with some discussion of Orcas, killer whales, and the whale at the Sea World-ish amusement park. Chelsea and her friend Dana, who work there, talk about how their whale, Ceto, just isn’t the same since they took away her baby. The whale eats Chelsea, and the credits roll.

Maddie and Chad talk about Trish, who’s busy with school. He gives her a cello necklace and leans in for a kiss, just as a gunman comes into the place to rob them. There’s a struggle, and the gun goes off, damaging Maddie’s hearing. Everyone survives the attack, but, from out of nowhere, Chad is killed by the robber’s truck.

One year later, Trish comes to visit Maddie and offers to take her on a trip. Maddie doesn’t want to go, but Trish is persuasive. They fly to an island resort in Thailand.

On the beach, Trish brings up the topic of Ceto, which disturbs Maddie. Josh, a local guy, talks about the local whale, Ceto, who has been in captivity for twenty years and lost her baby two years ago. That night, the three of them sneak into the run-down amusement park to see Ceto.

Maddie gets to see Ceto up close in the aquarium. She hates that the whale is trapped here, but then she watches as the whale kills a maintenance worker. Maddie, Trish, and Josh are then chased out of the park by a security guard.

In the morning, the trio takes a Jet-Ski out to an isolated island. The locals say this place is cursed, and something happened a few years ago, and now no one comes here. In almost no time flat, they lose Maddie’s phone, the Jet-Ski, and Josh to an Orca attack.

The two girls are now stuck on a pizza-shaped floatie and can see the giant orca swimming around beneath them. It’s Ceto, the same whale that was in the park last night, somehow. They can tell by the distinct dorsal fin. Trisha jumps off the pizza and swims to a big rock, Maddie chickens out. There’s some quick drama, and Maddie soon ends up on the rock as well.

The two eventually calm down and talk about how Ceto could possibly be here. “Orcas have never ever killed anyone in the wild.”

The girls take a nap, and when they wake up, they see a boat, but it’s too far away to see them. We’re reminded that Maddie is deaf, which is probably going to mean something later.

One of Josh’s arms floats by, and Maddie snags it with her bag. It’s not for lunch, she wants his wristband flashlight. When night falls, they use it as a signal, but no one comes. The girls talk about Maddie playing the cello again and going back to school.

They use Chad’s cremation stone to break open a shelled thing to have something to eat. Afterwards, she decides it’s finally time to throw the stone away. Trish admits that she put the robber up to the robbery that night; it’s her fault Chad was killed. We get a whole dramatic guilt-spiel from Trish. Again, we’re reminded about Maddie’s hearing aids.

In the morning, Trish explains her plan to swim to the atoll surrounding their rock, but Maddie has her hearing aids off and doesn’t even know what’s going on. She makes it, but Maddie only makes it to another rock. When Trish is distracted by a plane flying over, the orca jumps up into the shallows and drags Trish back into the water– and bites her leg off. She crawls back up on the beach but soon bleeds to death.

Night falls, and Maddie decides to swim to the atoll. She makes it without too much issue and then makes her way around to where Trish’s body is and buries her in the sand.

Maddie remembers that Trish said her phone was waterproof, but it went down with the Jet-Ski. Can she retrieve it? She does. Rather than get out of the water, she activates the phone right there, in the water. It’s unclear if she sent an SOS or the phone didn’t work.

This is followed by a string of ridiculous underwater hide-and-seek, resulting in Maddie stabbing the Orca in the eye with her broken Cello bow stick.

When the sun comes up a helicopter arrives; the phone’s SOS did work after all.

Brian’s Commentary

Brian’s Rating:**

Although the whole thing probably wasn’t filmed in front of a green screen, it seems like most of the outdoor scenes were. There are a lot of outdoor scenes, so… ouch! The whale is either as large or as small as the plot requires; sometimes it’s huge, and other times it squeezes right up to the rock.

I’ve seen this compared to “Fall” (2022), and it is a very similar theme: two girls stuck in a bad place. The other film did it better.

It’s contrived, the characters make one stupid decision after another, and the whole thing with the whale’s location makes no sense. The acting and dialogue are atrocious as well.

It’s pretty terrible.

Kevin’s Commentary

Kevin’s Rating: *

So much green screen and CGI. It is so, so obvious and overused.

I agree with the comparisons to “Fall” and that movie did it better. The three leads have some skill, but they can’t overcome the effects, direction, and script. It gets worse as it goes along until it culminates with a weak ending.

I didn’t like it.

2025 Queens of the Dead

• Directed by: Tina Romero

• Written by: Erin Judge, Tina Romero

• Stars: Jaquel Spivy, Kay O’Brian, Quincy Dunn-Baker

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 41 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

It’s drag queens, with their friends and family, versus a zombie outbreak. Holed up in a club against the backdrop of a larger apocalypse, there’s a lot of humor with a body count that racks up. The pacing is a little draggy in places, and the zombie action is pretty low for most of the movie, but it’s a fun watch.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on an over-the-top drag queen walking down the street on the way to church. When she goes into the church, her Grindr alert goes off. She finds the man’s phone, but it’s covered in blood. Then she finds him, but he doesn’t look quite alive anymore. She’s bitten by the zombie priest. Credits roll.

We cut to a musical number interspersed with scenes of a dancing nurse, Sam, at the hospital. Sam talks to Jane, a patient with issues, who wants to leave.

On the stage, Kelsey and Ginsey argue with dancers in the show. Yasmine phones Dre that she’s too sick to do the show tonight, but she’s obviously faking it. Jax and Nico are dancers, and they’re elevens on the gay scale. Jane watches their livestream and tells Sam about it. Sam knows Yasmine and Dre, but that was another time. Jane wants to meet all of them and tell them they’ve got bad drugs. Nurse Lizzy tells Dre that Barry is coming over to unplug her toilet. There’s a lot going on.

Everyone’s ready for the big show, and Dre breaks the news that Yasmine’s not coming tonight, so Ginsey will have to headline the act. Nico’s more than willing to step up. They’ve presold a ton of tickets, but hardly anyone has shown up. Barry gets all the pronouns mixed up. When Sam shows up, just as a guest, everyone knows him. Sam used to be “Samonsay,” a major drag star.

Barry finds a dead rat in the toilet and takes it out to the garbage. As he’s out there, we see that pre-credit drag queen stumble in.

Sam tells Ginsey why he’s been out of action for a while. It was stage fright, and he just couldn’t do it anymore. He starts to change into his costume but then chickens out again. Barry gets a bit of news on his phone about disturbing events in Manhattan. Out on the dance floor, the zombie queen starts looking for people to eat. Barry grabs an axe, but it’s Kelsey who gets hacked. Things go South from there.

Sam goes into nurse mode and works on Kelsey’s chopped up leg. Dre tries to call an ambulance and gets a busy signal for 911. Then a shelter in place alert sounds over all their phones. Everyone argues about what’s going on, but it’s all over the news and social media, so they don’t argue long. Jimmy, the bar owner, has some weapons hidden. The Mayor, Tom Savini, comes on and tells everyone to stay home, “This is not a George Romero movie!”

At the hospital Jane and Lizzy see that it’s happening there as well. A man in a bloody bunny suit attacks them.

At the club, Jax the dancer is clearly a zombie now, and the others all see what he’s become. They all argue some more about what to do about him. They lock him in a dancer’s cage. Next, they catch Yasmine sneaking in through the window. Jimmy is pulled out the window and bitten.

The front door is cut open, and new people come in, led by Pops, Kelsey’s girlfriend and fiancee. She mentions a boat waiting for them. Dre wants to wait for Lizzy to arrive, but most of the rest want to go to the boat. A zombie stumbles in, and she drills him through the head.

Sam and Dre put Jimmy in the freezer and talk about how he’s changed. After consulting a paper map, several of the group decide to go for a truck, but first, they all change their outfits. Nico, Sam, and Ginsey all dress up to go out on electric scooters.

The group makes their way through the horde of zombies, who are mostly interested in their phones. Sam and Ginsey talk about acceptance and the need for approval. They’re attacked, and with her dying words, Ginsey encourages Sam to be himself.

Back at the club, there are now zombie rats, and they get Pops. Dre turns on the music to distract everyone, and they dance. Lizzy and Jane have been trapped in a car, Nico’s trapped outside as well, but all the zombies hear the loud music and head toward the club. Meanwhile, Barry tells Dre that Lizzy is pregnant, which she did not know.

Sam returns to the club, and he’s got a plan. We get a montage of the group doing various things that might have something to do with the plan. When they’re ready, they open all the doors and let the dead in. Once the dance floor is full of zombies, Samonsea makes her return to the stage with Yasmine and Barry’s backup.

Everyone makes it out the back door just as Lizzy, Jane, and Nico drive up in a parade float. They all drive away to the boat, trailed by the zombies.

Brian’s Commentary

As you might guess, it’s full of gay, trans, and drag queen jokes, and some are really good. Most of the good laughs are in listening to the various characters’ reactions to the weirdness going on. All the characters get good scenes, and the dialogue is mostly hilarious.

The zombie makeup is fun, although nothing serious. There’s surprisingly little gore involved. It never slows down, and it never gets boring. The jokes mostly drop away in the final half hour as the zombies start getting more serious, but it stays entertaining throughout.

Fun!

Kevin’s Commentary

Director and co-writer Tina Romera is a daughter of George A. Romero - zombies run in the family. The one liners are abundant in this, and the humor is one of the best parts of the movie. The zombie action is actually kind of low-key for much of the movie, with it more of a thing in the background. I thought it was a fun one.

2025 Dust Bunny

• Directed by: Bryan Fuller

• Written by: Bryan Fuller

• Stars: Mads Mikkelson, Sophie Sloan, Sheila Allen

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 46 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Set in a colorful alternate reality with magic and fantasy, a little girl recruits her assassin neighbor to take care of the monster under her bed that she thinks ate her parents. There’s real danger, viewed through the eyes of a child, so we wonder through much of the movie if the monster is real or not. It’s surreal, quite funny, and very entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We open on a blob of dust coming in through the window and rolling around a child’s room. It eventually settles under the bed; it’s a dust bunny! The little girl on the bed above sits up and screams. Aurora’s parents look under the bed for monsters and say there’s nothing there but dust bunnies. She goes out and sleeps on the fire escape instead.

Aurora watches her neighbor come home from a trip; a magic firefly points the way. The next night, she follows him into what appears to be “The Blade Runner District” according to Kevin; masks and fireworks and dragon costumes are everywhere. She watches as her neighbor goes fully CGI-Ninja and kills a bunch of guys during a fireworks explosion.

There’s a whole over-the-top battle scene, and Aurora watches it all from the roof. She then follows the man home again. The man knows he’s being followed and wipes up his own blood drippings with his socks. He spots Aurora going back into her apartment across the hall.

Aurora is still terrified of the dust bunny. That night, it eats her parents. She does “the floor is lava” to avoid getting too close to the thing under her bed. It then bursts out of the floor and terrorizes her excessively.

In the morning, everything is back to normal– almost. We cut to a musical number in a very stylish church. Aurora runs off with the collection plate.

The neighbor in 5B reads his mail in front of a taxidermied light-bulb-butt chicken. He gets a note from Aurora with money, wanting to hire him. He wants to know what she wants him to do. She’s offered him $327.42 to kill the monster. She knows he killed the dragon in Chinatown. She tells him that the monster ate her parents.

5B goes over to Aurora’s house, and her parents’ room is a torn-up mess. There’s no blood, but she says it ate them whole. Something went on there, but he’s not convinced about monsters and sends her home.

The neighbor in 5B, who is nameless, goes to see Laverne, his contact/handler. She likes her sandwich– a lot. He asks her about the neighbors who disappeared. He thinks “the monster” was after him and got the wrong apartment. He’s got a whole different kind of monster in mind. She tells him not to get involved.

That night, the Neighbor hears someone coming and prepares to kill them. The very human assassins come in through the door and the window to finish off Aurora. The assassins beat the 5B neighbor and prepare to kill Aurora, but then the dust bunny intervenes. There’s a difference of opinions between Aurora and the hitman about what happened to one of the killers.

Aurora wants to watch 5B chop up the dead assassin’s body, but he won’t allow that. He does, however, let her help wrap up the pieces. He tells her that the assassins came to kill one of them and that there aren’t any monsters. He explains the whole thing, but she knows better about the monsters.

Brenda, from Child Protective Services, comes to the door, and 5B pretends to be her foster family. He doesn’t believe she’s a social worker, and he’s right.

Turns out, this is the third family that Aurora’s monster has eaten. She originally wished for it to happen, and it did. She explains all about the monster and why it’s there.

The hitman goes to see Laverne, who admits that she sent the assassins to “help” him with getting rid of Aurora, who witnessed him killing the men in Chinatown. Aurora comes to the meeting, which perplexes Laverne.

Aurora wants him to be her new dad, but he’s got way too many problems for that. They go out for Chinese food and talk to a threatening man.

Brenda returns and has a word with Aurora’s “father.” Aurora warns her about the monster in the floor, but that goes about how it always does. Laverne shows up. A whole squad of killers arrives downstairs. Brenda admits that she’s FBI and investigating the disappearances of Aurora’s families.

The Chinese gang and the FBI attack at the same time. Soon, they all believe in monsters. It is, in fact, a giant bunny, and it eats the Chinese gang, one by one.

Soon, it’s just Aurora and the Hitman against the monster, and then it swallows him whole.

In the morning, Aurora hears pounding under the floor, and then the neighbor claws his way back up. He had a bottle of thumb-sucking deterrent in his pocket, and the monster didn’t like it.

Laverne comes in, and she’s not got Aurora’s best interest in mind. We also find out that she’s his mother. 5B warns her to get off the floor, but too late. That goes badly for her.

The monster does one more final attack, but it won’t eat Aurora. It’s her monster, after all. She and the hitman go down the fire escape and move to the country. The monster follows along, under the car.

Brian’s Commentary

Brian’s Rating:*****

Every kid who had a monster under their bed will get this one.

As Kevin points out, this feels like Burton and del Toro got together and made a film, but they had nothing to do with it. It’s an American-made film, but it feels very European to me. It’s very fairy-tale-like and surreal in many places.

This one is hard to classify. It definitely starts out like a children’s movie, but it’s extremely violent, and the horror bits seem excessive for a kids’ movie. It’s not a comedy, but it’s very funny.

This is awesome!

Kevin’s Commentary

Kevin’s Rating: *****

My first thought was this looks a bit like something directed by Guillermo del Toro with influences of Tim Burton and Wes Anderson. It’s actually Bryan Fuller’s directorial debut, and he did a great job.

I liked the colorful-surreal-alternate-reality vibe. Very cool. The use of CGI is liberal, but I thought it worked well. And there are practical effects too, like the taxidermied chicken lamp with the lightbulb in its butt - I need one of those.

I thought it was excellent.

2000 Godzilla vs. Megaguirus

• Directed by: Ishiro Honda, Masaaki Tekuza

• Written by: Hiroshi Kashiwabara, Wataru Mimura

• Stars: Misato Tanaka, Shosuke Tanihara, Masato Ibu

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This one seems to be in an alternate timeline, once again ignoring all the movies except the 1954 original. It’s said that after that attack, Japan rebuilt and moved the capital to Osaka. And the technology is advanced even more than in some of the other Godzilla films. There are some elements in this one that step up the horror, and it’s got the giant creature fighting with collateral damage we’ve come to expect. It’s entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

We get a news flashback to the 1954 Godzilla attack on Tokyo. He smashed the city and then walked back into the ocean as Japan rebuilt. Then, in 1966, he returned for more, this time to attack Japan’s first nuclear reactor. Japan then gave up on nuclear power plants. In 1996, the government decided to once again experiment with energy production, this time, with a plasma generator.

Kiriko Tsujimori is one of the soldiers tasked with defending the city against Godzilla in Osaka. He’s returned yet again. The soldiers shoot him with bazookas, but that does nothing. He’s heading for the clean energy factory, smashing everything in his path, including Kiriko’s superior officer.

In Tokyo, 2001, we see Kiriko is with G-Grasper, and she goes to visit Kudo, who is good with tiny robots. She’s recruiting for an anti-Godzilla unit. She introduces him to the team. We see that most of them have some history against Godzilla, and they’ve designed a weapon powered by a black hole to fight him; he can’t beat that! As the chief scientist explains all this, suddenly, the radar spots something big in the ocean.

Three months later, a little boy sneaks into a military facility and sees a bunch of people working on a huge gun. We see that it’s the G-Grasper team, now ready to test their weapon. It works impressively. Uh-oh. There’s a space-time wormhole left behind, but it soon fades away.

That night, the little boy sees something outside his window. Turns out, that wormhole didn’t close, and it’s allowing strange flying creatures through. He also finds a large egg that he takes with him. It makes a mess at home, so he dumps it into the sewer.

Kudo tells Kiriko that he’s designed a tracking device. Meanwhile, in the sewers under the city, the egg multiplies. A couple of water department guys show up to fix a leak, and we see something nasty right above them. The dragonfly-like creature then kills a couple of people graphically.

The G-Grasper people detect Godzilla again; this time, they confirm it. Kiriko pilots the futuristic Griffon fighter to investigate. They find one of the bug-creatures, but it’s dead– Godzilla must have killed it. Kiriko ends up having a close encounter with Big G and climbs up onto his back. She shoots him with the tracker.

The black hole weapon is now completed and shot into space on a satellite. The plan is to shoot Godzilla from orbit.

The dead bug is analyzed, and it’s a Meganula, an Earth-insect that usually lives in large swarms but is now extinct. Suddenly, large parts of Tokyo are flooded, but they don’t know why. They find more eggs deep under the water.

Kiriko explains her plan to lure Godzilla to an isolated island and then blast him with Dimension Tide, the black hole weapon.

In Tokyo, soldiers discover hundreds of Meganulas, far too many to shoot with their rifles. At the same time, Kiriko prepares to blow up Godzilla forever. Just as they’re about to push the button, a zillion dragonflies arrive on the scene and swarm over Godzilla. They sting and attach themselves to him, draining his energy. There are too many, even for his fire breath.

The humans fire the weapon anyway, and it sucks in everything on the island. Still, some of the meganylas survive, and so does Godzilla. They can’t fire again for another hour, so that’s bad. The bugs fly away, and Godzilla follows them.

The insects go back to flooded Tokyo and deposit their energy into a big thing sleeping underwater. The thing awakens, and it’s another kaiju. It’s a giant dragonfly, and its wings tear up the buildings with which they come into contact. It’s also got a sonic screech that’s devastating to the buildings. Kudo gets hurt, and when he wakes up, they explain that the new creature is called Megaguirus, a sort of queen bee of the Meganulas.

Godzilla returns to Tokyo, but the Megaguirus is there as well. They prepare to fire Dimension Tide again, but something goes wrong. Only Kudo can fix it, using his weird anime app. The fight between the monsters rages on, and Megaguirus is very fast in the air. It’s back-and-forth for a long time, but Godzilla eventually wins.

Godzilla’s in downtown Tokyo now, and he’s making a real mess. Mr. Seguiro won’t spill his secrets, but he seems to know what Godzilla’s after. Also, for some reason, Dimension Tide starts falling from orbit. They can get off one more shot before it’s too late. Turns out, there’s a secret plasma energy project at the science center, and that’s why Godzilla’s here.

All the heroes have to work together to make the weapon lock onto Godzilla as the satellite falls from the sky. The satellite fires just before exploding, and the black hole comes down right on top of Godzilla, who shoots it with his atomic breath. There’s a big bang, and there’s no sign of a giant creature.

Tokyo, on the other hand, is a mess. Will they rebuild? Yes. Time passes, and Kiriko comes back for Kudo again– there are more signs of kaijus in the ocean. It’s not all over yet…

After the credits, we see the little boy at school; he hears Godzilla roar!

Brian’s Commentary

Did we ever get an explanation as to why Tokyo flooded?

Well, OK, then. This one moves Godzilla back into the realm of horror as the bug-things kill people across town– it’s pretty graphic, the most we’ve seen in a Godzilla film.

There’s a lot of noticeable CGI in this one, but considering the age of the film, it’s not terrible. The music is good, the monster effects are very well done, and even the monster battles are creative. I’d go so far as to say this is the best of the monster-battles we’ve seen, even the slow-motion parts.

The CGI is overused and pretty dated, but other than that, this is one of the better ones.

Kevin’s Commentary

I was very surprised at the one-on-one attacks from the Meganula, before we saw the mega-sized queen. It’s gory monster carnage right out of a horror movie.

The CGI looks pretty obvious, but the models and practical effects mostly look pretty good.

It was very entertaining.

1993 Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings

• Directed by: Jeff Burr

• Written by: Ivan Chachornia, Constantine Chachornia, Andrew Osborne

• Stars: Andrew Robinson, Ami Dolenz, Soleil Moon Frye

• Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes

• Trailer:

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

Once again, Pumpkinhead is resurrected and is a monster for vengeance. This one has a little bit of a mystery for the sheriff to figure out, but it’s still not a complicated script. It’s not quite a sequel to the original, more of a parallel. It lacks from not having Lance Henriksen and lacks the quality of the first one. It’s not bad, but only pretty good.

Spoilery Synopsis

In Ferren Woods, 1958, an old woman goes looking for Tommy. Six local boys arrive in the woods, and they’re hunting him too, but less beneficially. After a short chase, they beat him half to death and then stab him for the other half. They eventually drop him down a mine shaft.

In the present, Sean Braddock is the new sheriff; his wife Beth is impressed but thinks their daughter Jenny isn’t going to be happy here. Jenny makes some quick friends at her new school.

The new sheriff starts work and gets some advice about the town judge. Mayor Bubba warns him to keep an eye out so Jenny doesn’t wind up with the wrong crowd.

Meanwhile, Jenny is with the wrong crowd, including the judge’s son, Danny, hanging around that same mine shaft. Sheriff Sean shows up and runs them all off.

That night, the gang runs over an old woman in the road. “Some folks say she’s a witch,” one says, and the old woman seems to have disappeared. Jenny insists they go to the old woman’s house to see if she’s OK, and it looks like a witch’s house should. Inside, they find a scroll with a spell on it to bring back the dead. The old woman shows up and tells them to leave, and that goes badly for her. She curses them all to the “vengeance of Pumpkinhead.”

For some reason, Danny and the gang decide to dig up a grave next. The body inside is all deformed and weird-looking. They pour “the blood of the damned” over the body and read from the scroll. At the same time, the old woman’s house catches fire, and she burns. Pumpkinhead rises from the grave!

Sheriff Sean soon learns from a farmer that the kids were up at the old lady’s house last night, and he also hears that “It’s back, and none of us are safe till he gets what he’s come for.”

Sure enough, that night, Pumpkinhead attacks the same farmer, while at the same time, the old woman in the hospital goes into convulsions. When Sean and the coroner investigate, they find a big “V” drawn in blood on the wall.

The coroner comes to dinner, and Delilah tells the story of Pumpkinhead. The sheriff, Sean, is from the area and remembers that story as well. Jenny overheads the whole conversation, so now she knows what’s up. That night, Pumpkinhead gets another local man. The man’s girlfriend sees the whole thing and goes insane.

The judge calls for a posse to hunt down the monster which gets Sean angry. Sean then tells his wife about deformed Tommy and how he helped him one day. Somehow, Tommy was connected to the two dead men.

Danny, Paul, Peter, and Marcie go back to the grave they dug up and see that the body is gone. They know what they did.

Old lady Ossie dies, but that doesn’t stop her from warning Sean and Delilah about Tommy and his father, Pumpkinhead. She mentions that there is going to be one more victim from the old “Red Wing” days, and then he’ll be coming after the modern-day kids.

Sean researches the Red Wings, and finds that the sixth member was the judge, who’s gonna be the next victim.

The young people want to come clean about the whole thing, but Danny pulls a gun on them. Meanwhile, the judge is torn apart. Pumpkinhead then chases the remaining teens through the woods. It gives Danny what he so cleanly deserves.

Jenny runs to the old mine shaft as Sean and the posse run up. Sean yells for Tommy to release her, and the monster hesitates. Tommy/Pumpkinhead remembers what Sean did for him way back in the day and releases her. The posse shows up and starts shooting, causing Pumpkinhead to fall back into the mine shaft.

Later, Sean and Jenny make up. Workmen board over the old mine shaft.

Brian’s Commentary

It’s clearly the same monster as in the original, but it doesn’t look nearly as good as the original for some reason.

The main cast are all recognizable names, and they do a great job here. There are a lot of tiny cameos from actors from other horror films of the time. The other “actors” are just atrocious. It’s a very formulaic sequel, but there’s nothing explicitly terrible about it. Other than the legend itself, there’s nothing here to connect it with the original film, which was far better.

Kevin’s Commentary

This one seemed less clear on the path of revenge than the first film. And this wasn’t really a sequel to the first film either - it’s more of a parallel or reboot. Andrew Robinson was good, and there are lots of recognizable names from other horror movies in many of the supporting roles.

It’s not as good as the original, but it’s not too bad.

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