We’re gonna forego the new movies this week and focus on some older titles. Kevin picked up three more dollar-store DVDs that we’ll let you know about: “Sweatshop” (2009), “Nobody Gets Out Alive” (2012), and “Black Sheep” (2006). We’ll also take another step ahead in two franchises, “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” (1998) and “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” (2011), the first in the newer reboot series.
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Mainstream Films:
2009 Sweatshop
Directed by: Stacy Davidson
Written by: Stacy Davidson, Ted Geoghegan
Stars: Ashley Kay, Melanie Donihoo, Peyton Wetzel
Run Time: 1 Hour, 30 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This movie is like a showcase for the work of the gore effects people involved - the deaths are especially wet and effective in this one. The rest of the movie isn’t so noteworthy. We didn’t get attached to any of the characters, the script is draggy, and the acting is hit and miss. If you’re looking for top notch gore you’ll find it here but not a lot else.
Spoilery Synopsis
A woman wakes up naked and shivering in a dungeon. She runs around looking for escape. Outside, a cop opens the door to the big factory and comes inside, looking for intruders. It’s obviously the same building. We see that he’s not alone; someone is in there with him has a bloody mouth and isn’t quite human. The woman runs up to him, and he shoots her by mistake about a thousand times. Credits roll.
Six hours later, a group of young people enter the same building. They’ve brought a disco ball and sound system to have a party here. They find a video camera left behind by Ghost, one of their group who was here before them, and they all watch a girl do a striptease on the camera.
We get to know Scotty, Charlie, and some of the other characters as they wander around the place and argue. As they get set up for their party, we see someone else moving around in the dark shadows of the warehouse. Wade, Scotty’s brother, shows up, and he’s got the lighting equipment and beer. Kim sees a scary face in the darkness and causes a scene. They’re expecting a lot of kids in about an hour.
Wade likes Lolli but is told she’s a lesbian. He soon finds out she is more flexible than that. Miko laughs at Jade, who kinda likes Wade as well. Then they talk about the rules for blowjobs. When Jade sees Wade and Lolli going at it, she runs off and cries. Almost immediately after, some ghouls come out of nowhere and tear Lolli’s guts out.
Kim goes looking for Lolli and gets captured by the baddies. A big man in a welding mask cuts off her fingers with garden shears. He then breaks her in half with his huge anvil-hammer.
Jade spikes Wade’s drink with something nasty, but Kenny punches him before he gets a chance to drink it. We get a dance break with Miko Scotty and Jade and Kenny get close. When Kenny loses his head, Jade gets a shock from the ghouls. She runs away, straight into the arms of the welding-masked man with the anvil-hammer. Gallagher would be pleased with the results.
Charlie and Enix talk about how badly she’s run this whole operation. She might be doing something shady with the admissions fee. They suddenly notice how few of their friends are still working. Scotty and Miko have a drinking contest, and Miko gets the “bad bottle.” She vomits up blood everywhere, but then the Hammer-Man shows up to finish her off.
Wade finds what’s left of Kim, but he’s too drunk to see how broken she is. Hammer Man gets him before he goes too far with her.
Charlie and Enix find Ghost’s car, along with some of his body parts. They figure out that he was killed before they even arrived, but then they find Kim and the ghouls. Enix soon gets the point as Hammer Man comes after Charlie.
Charlie ends up in a room with Scotty and Wade, who aren’t quite dead yet after all. The two brothers confess their sins to each other hilariously before they die. Charlie gets loose, runs back to her car, takes a gun, and shoots Hammer Man several times.
Charlie runs into the main room, which is now somehow full of dancers. Hammer Man follows her and starts killing the dancers, creating a stampede for the exits.
Only Charlie makes it out alive.
Brian’s Commentary
The characters are all distinctive, but not particularly interesting or well acted. None, not one, of the characters are even remotely likeable, so when they die, we’re like… “OK?” The kills are well done, and the practical gore effects are really good.
Why are there ghoul-women and the hammer-man in the warehouse in the first place? We get no explanation or reason for this. That Anvil-on-a-stick is a great-looking weapon, although it wouldn’t be very practical in reality. Where did all those dancers come from at the end when the ticket-takers were all killed? Who was running the lights and the sound?
It's a low-budget schlock that doesn’t get good until the very end and even then, the high point isn’t great.
Kevin’s Commentary
The special effects are especially good in this one, the best part of the movie. The music selection was very good too. The script is kind of dull and simple, the characters aren’t very likeable, and the supporting production values are so-so.
2012 Nobody Gets Out Alive
Directed by: Jason-Christopher Mayer
Written by: Jason-Christopher Mayer
Stars: Jen Dance, David J. Bonner, Shaun Paul Costello
Run Time: 1 Hour, 17 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This is a fairly generic serial killer in the woods kind of movie. We start out with a (Why is this dummy allowing his daughter to play hopscotch in the road?) origin story of the killer. Then time passes and a group of young people go camping, laughing off the stories of death that lurks in the area. It’s well made, but just okay for entertainment value.
Spoilery Synopsis
November 2000. There’s a big outdoor party as credits roll. In the morning, one of the partiers runs over a girl in the road as her father watches.
Present Day. Doctor Owen talks to a patient and explains that her daughter is going to need time to recover. Later, we see Jenn at home eating dinner with her parents; they want her to go out with her friends now that she’s out of the mental hospital. Jenn calls her friend, Michelle, who tells her the legend of the father of the girl who got killed; he still hangs out in those woods killing people.
Mike, Danny, and Deron are going camping with Jenn, Michelle, and Angie. The three guys talk to Jared, who is very weird. Meanwhile, a man goes into a convenience store and kills the people inside.
The gang shows up at the deserted convenience store and steals some cases of beer. Jared offends the locals by trying to buy weed from them. The group is flagged down by a man who warns them that the woods are dangerous; the woods give him the willies. “I warned ya!”
They soon arrive at the spot and set up tents. Jenn is mopey, and Deron tries to cheer her up. Around the campfire, Daron tells them that the warnings from the harbinger weren't wrong. Hunter Isth, the father of the little girl who died, vanished, but now people die in these woods regularly. Brandon and Tim, the angry locals from earlier, show up and join the group. They laugh at the bogie-man story.
Everyone pairs off for the night, and Deron and Jenn talk about why she’s so grumpy. The odd man out is Jared, who gets stabbed repeatedly by the killer, who shows up out of nowhere.
In the morning, no one can find Jared. Everyone argues. They spend all day looking for him, and when they get back to their camp, it’s all been ransacked. The car has been sabotaged as well. They all watch in terror as Angie is killed outside the car. Danny also gets it, whacked with a sledge hammer. Michelle gets stabbed with a machete. The numbers are dropping radically as Mike gets hooked.
Jenn loses her medications and totally loses her mind.
We cut to the killer, Hunter Isth, as he prepares weapons at his cabin. He’s got Michelle and Mike tied up in there, not dead yet after all. He drives nails into Mike’s head, which stops him from screaming. Michelle asks, “What do you want?” and he tells her for what seems like an hour and then saws her legs off.
Deron and Jenn run through the woods until they find a house. They go inside and find Michelle and Mike’s bodies. Deron gets into a fight with Hunter and he gets double-hammered.
Jenn catches up with Brandon and gets a ride into town. They don’t get far before Hunter stops them. She’s soon on her own again, stumbling through the woods. He catches her. As he strangles her, she grabs his knife and sticks it to him.
In the morning, Jenn wakes up on the side of a road. She’s soon picked up by a friendly driver, and we see a pair of hammers in the backseat.
Brian’s Commentary
Hunter Isth has some anger management issues. Why was Jenn in the hospital and what were those medications for? Who was that guy at the end? He wasn’t the killer, was he?
It took a long time for the action to start, but when it did, we got down to two or three characters very quickly.
It’s about as generic and bland as a slasher movie can be. It’s not terrible, but there’s nothing here to really recommend it, either.
Kevin’s Commentary
No, people shouldn’t drive drunk, but people do drive drunk. Which is why you shouldn’t let your child play hopscotch in the road. Which is why I had a problem with this movie right from the opening scene where dad is hanging out nearby while his daughter hopscotches on the road - not a residential street where people are driving slow and careful, but an open road that probably has a speed limit of 55. Then he was angry at the world after that and decided to be a serial killer.
It’s pretty well put together, but nothing special. I’d say I barely liked it more than disliked it.
2006 Black Sheep
Directed by: Jonathan King
Written by: Jonathan King
Stars: Oliver Driver, Nathan Meister, Tammy Davis
Run Time: 1 Hour, 27 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
The poster makes it seem funnier than it is, but there are some chuckles to be had. Mostly it’s a killer animal movie with a familiar formula, but they cranked the absurdity up to eleven. The effects are quite good, all practical with no CGI, and there is plenty of gore horror. We liked it alright, but it’s not a classic.
Spoilery Synopsis
As credits roll, we get sweeping panoramas of New Zealand, along with large herds of sheep. Young Henry is with the people herding the sheep, and he goes after a lone straggler. His father praises his good job. Credits roll.
We cut to Angus who kills Henry’s pet sheep with an axe. He then puts its head over his own and terrorizes the younger child. Almost immediately after, Henry’s father dies in an accident. Henry develops a sheep-phobia after all this.
Fifteen years later, Henry is still terrified of sheep. He’s returned to sheep country from the city, and he’s not thrilled. On the road, he passes a couple of Vegan eco-terrorists sneaking around in the field. They watch Angus fly over in his biplane and curse at him.
Henry arrives at the family home, adorned with sheep heads all over the walls. Mrs. Mac, the old housekeeper, is there, and she’s happy to see him. Angus, on the other hand, isn’t so thrilled; he’s about to sell off the family land. Mrs. Mac gives Henry his father’s sheep-shearing trophy, and it looks really sharp. Like something that will come in useful later.
The two eco-terrorists, Grant and Experience, watch the lab as the scientists load test animals on the back of a truck. Grant steals one of the containers of genetic material. In the chase through the woods, the sample container breaks open and releases a tiny baby sheep with a really bad attitude that bites Grant. The little mutant sheep soon finds its way to the main herd. It bites one of the sheep. Soon after, Grant eats a rabbit– live.
Henry and Tucker are out checking out the farm and they run into Experience. They see smoke coming from Mike’s place and rush over there. They’re chased into a room by an angry sheep, and Henry overreacts. Experience says that Angus has been breeding mutant sheep to increase profits. They find Mike’s body and know the sheep means business.
On the way out, they find that the house is surrounded by normal-looking sheep. As they drive away, Tucker is attacked by another sheep. Soon, the sheep is the only one driving– over a cliff.
Back at the lab, one of the scientists is the victim of a sheep-gang up. Also, Grant is turning into some kind of were-sheep. He runs into Angus on the road and bites him on the hand. Tucker takes off his boot where the sheep bit him, and his foot is now a hoof.
Henry, Tucker, and Experience are chased by sheep and win up at the lab to hide. They see that these sheep are really hard to kill– there’s one there skinned and cut open, and it still snaps at them. Angus and the scientists come in and everyone argues. Henry and Experience wind up falling into an offal pit. They spend a lot of time trying to get out and crawling through tunnels.
Henry and Experience get out of the tunnel and encounter Grant, who’s gone full were-sheep now. He roars and attacks Henry, who runs away with Grant’s former girlfriend.
At the lab, the scientists hide Tucker’s foot from Angus, who shows them the bite on his hand. Tucker continues to mutate back and forth between sheep and human, and Dr. Rush enjoys watching the progress. She goes outside for a break and gets chased by evil mutant sheep, who soon eat her.
Outside, Angus welcomes his many high-paying investors to a meeting. He starts giving his speech, but he’s obviously starting to change. He’s got a sheep in a box next to him, and it’s getting angry in there. It bleats repeatedly, and soon, the attendees see a huge stampede of sheep coming up onto the assembled crowd like all-you-can-eat for sheep. There is much carnage.
Mrs. Mac drives up and gives Henry and Experience a drive back to the house, where Angus has gone with his favorite sheep– there’s a budding romance in the works. Grant is there as well; Experience uses her acupuncture skills to paralyze him. Henry and Angus confront each other about who’s worse at farming. The sheep outside are slowly breaking in, so Henry, Experience, and Mrs. Mac go upstairs to hide. They notice that Henry has been bitten.
Angus makes it to his airplane, planning to evacuate somewhere safe. As he loads on his sheep-girlfriend, he starts to further change. He’s more sheep than man by the time Henry finds him. They fight in the barn, then out in the field, at least until Angus and the propeller blade meet. He gets sheared. Tucker shows up to save the day.
In the morning, the group decides to switch to organic farming. Grant is mostly back to normal as is Tucker. As we zoom out, the sheepdog lets out a “Baaaah!”
Brian’s Commentary
It’s not as funny as I’d hoped. Other than the fact the sheep are involved, it’s just another “Killer ____” movie. The were-sheep transformation effects are really well done. It was pretty good, but it hasn’t held up terribly well.
Kevin’s Commentary
I wasn’t expecting the were-sheep transformations until I saw the trailer just before viewing. I kind of wish they hadn’t given that away ahead of time. It’s just silly enough to have the comedy elements with plenty of seriousness to balance it. But I’m going to resell the used DVD copy that we watched it from. I was entertained, but it’s not worthy of entry into the physical media library.
1998 I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
Directed by: Danny Cannon
Written by: Lois Duncan, Trey Callaway
Stars: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr., Brandy Norwood
Run Time: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
It still continues to be a bafflingly slow case of revenge. More time has passed, and the killer is still working on it. This brings back the survivors from the previous movie and some new folks. With those people to work with plus random folks here and there, the body count is a bit higher. Nothing else about this one really elevates it much from the first movie. It was just okay.
Spoilery Synopsis
Julie, from the first film, goes into a church for confession. She admits to accidentally killing a man. The man came back and killed Barry and Helen, her friends, but she killed him in the end. “I know what you did last summer,” says the priest before he grabs her.
Julie wakes up in the middle of class, screaming. She talks to Will, a classmate and new friend about the whole thing. It’s been one full year since the end of the earlier troubles, and she’s clearly got PTSD.
Ray arrives; he wants her to come to the Croaker Queen thing back at home, but she absolutely doesn’t want to do that. She carries pepper spray and has three deadbolts on her dorm room door. She gets a jump scare from her new friend, Karla, who lets herself into Julie’s room.
That night, at the club, Tyrell flirts with Karla as Julie watches. Will is there, at Karla’s invitation, much to Julie’s confusion. Later, Karla wins some tickets to the Bahamas, and invites all the characters.
Ray and Dave drive down the road and stop to investigate a crashed car. The fisherman-killer kills Dave with his hook and narrowly misses running over Ray.
Karla and Julie laugh as Tyrell shows up with Will at the airport. Ray does not make it as planned. Will gets airsick. Ty gets seasick later, so it’s all good. They soon arrive on a remote island in the Bahamas. When they arrive at the resort, they run into Titus, a friendly pothead they didn’t know was going to be there.
The manager of the hotel, Mr. Brooks, wishes he were somewhere else and isn’t particularly friendly. “Our marginally trained, off-season staff will attend to some of your needs,” he grouses. This is the first day of storm season.
Ray’s beaten up badly in the hospital, and the doctor tells the detective his story. Suddenly, Ray flatlines. No, he’s gone out the window.
The group meets Nancy, the bartender, and Estes, the bellhop. Julie sings karaoke to the empty bar. “I still know what you did last summer” appears on the karaoke machine’s screen. She runs back to her room to find a note– from Will. Frustrated, Will goes off for a walk.
We see that the killer is on the island when he kills the ferry’s deck hand for no real reason. He also gets the housekeeper.
Julie finds a body in her closet, but when she gathers Mr. Brooks and the others, there’s no body there. Brooks explains that there’s no boats leaving several days due to storms and the phones are out as well. Oh, and there’s a hurricane coming.
We cut to old Estes, doing some kind of weird ritual with Julie’s missing toothbrush. We then cut to the hook-man killing Titus with hedge trimmers. Back in the city, Ray hocks the engagement ring he bought for Julie. He buys a gun.
Julie and Karla go to the resort’s gym, and Julie tries the tanning bed. Karla finds the cleaning woman’s body in the dryer. Ty and Will find Titus’s body as well. Julie finds herself locked in the tanning bed and panics. Nobody thinks she’s crazy anymore. The whole group stomps down to Brooks’s office, where they find him dead and the radio smashed.
Julie points out that they never found Ben Willis’s body last year. Ty remembers Estes, and thinks he might know something. They go to Estes’s Voodoo-hut, but all they find there is their own stuff. Estes explains that the question they answered to win their tickets was wrong; he’s been trying to help them all along. This whole thing has been a setup. Estes whacks Will over the head with an oar.
Ray makes it to the island ferry office and forces the captain, by gunpoint, to take him there.
Ty and the girls find Nancy, the bartender, hiding in the meat locker. The killer soon gets Ty to shut up, permanently. He chases them up to the attic and down to the greenhouse.
Nancy leads Julie and Carla to the storm shelter, where they find all the bodies. Nancy runs into Estes, and they’re both killed by the baddie.
Will shows up and leads them back out. He’s covered in blood but tells Julie that it’s not his. Yeah, he was the one who arranged this whole trip. He explains that he’s Ben’s son, and Ben is there as well.
Suddenly, Ray shows up with a pistol. “You’re no killer; you don’t have it in ya!” Ray pulls the trigger, and the gun doesn’t work. After a scuffle, Ben ends up hooking Will by accident. The gun works just fine when Julie shoots Ben over and over again.
The storm ends. The Coast Guard helicopter picks up Julie, Karla, and Ray.
Some time later, back at home, Julie and Ray have moved in together. One night, we see muddy footprints inside their house. Yep, the killer’s under the bed.
Brian’s Commentary
We need more surprise Jack Black in every scene, right?
There were only two survivors from the first film, and if the killer wanted them dead, why play all the games and kill all the innocents? It would have been easy to kill Julie just anytime.
I liked the resort setting and the forced isolation of the hurricane, but there really wasn’t much new here.
Kevin’s Commentary
I find the whole concept of the first movie and this one basically flawed, with the slow moving revenge. And for some reason this one has the revenge spilling over to innocent people who had nothing to do with it. It’s well made, but just middling in my book.
2011 Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Directed by: Rupert Wyatt
Written by: Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, Pierre Boulle
Stars: James Franco, Andy Serkis, Freida Pinto, John Lithgow
Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This was a reimagining and prequel to the 1968 original Planet of the Apes that tells us how the apes got smart and how the human population got greatly reduced. Instead of humans in ape makeup this time around, they used humans doing motion capture overlaid CGI, and it works really well. It’s more of a science fiction action adventure kind of movie than horror, and it’s very entertaining.
Spoilery Synopsis
We open on a bunch of apes in the deep forest. It all gets very quiet, and then the apes are chased by humans; many apes are captured in nets, packed in boxes, and shipped overseas for medical experimentation.
Robert Franklin and Will Rodman watch as “Bright Eyes,” a really intelligent ape, solves a problem in record time. Steven, Will’s boss, says he’ll talk to the board about moving ahead with their project. ALZ-112 is a new gene therapy that is being developed as a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease.
Bright Eyes, however, is a wild animal and is very aggressive. She escapes and runs rampant through the whole facility, even the board room, where she’s shot dead by the security guards. Steven then orders Robert to put all the apes down; the program has been cancelled.
Robert figures out that Bright Eyes was pregnant, which is why she went berserk. He refuses to kill the baby and gives him to William. William can’t do it either, and ends up taking the baby home with him.
Charles Rodman is Will’s father, and he’s suffering from Alzheimer’s. Charles and the baby, whom he names Caesar, get very attached, very quickly. The baby is unusually smart. Over the next three years, Caesar gets a lot smarter, and Will continues to study him. Charles, on the other hand, just gets worse and worse.
At work, Will steals some of the ALZ-112 and takes it home. He gives it to Charles, and it works very quickly, restoring the dementia-riddled old man to his former self, overnight.
With all the excitement, Caesar goes outside to play with the kids out there. That goes badly, and Caesar gets hurt. Will takes him to the zoo to see the vet there, and the other apes get really quiet when Caesar passes them. The vet is Caroline, and she starts dating Will.
Will, Charles, and Caroline take Caesar out to Muir Woods National Forest, where the redwoods are. Five years later, he still enjoys coming to the forest to climb and play; he’s much bigger now. Caesar resents being a “pet,” but Will calls himself Caesar’s father.
Will takes Caesar to the lab and explains what chimpanzees are and why Caesar’s so smart. This is the first time Caroline has heard all this, so she needs a more detailed explanation. Caesar is starting to get really moody, and Charles isn’t as cured as he used to be; the dementia is coming back.
Charles gets worse very quickly. At one point, he wanders off and steals the neighbor’s car, wrecking it. The neighbor screams at Charles, upsetting him, and this also upsets Caesar, who rushes out to protect his grandfather. This is going to be trouble.
Animal Control comes to take away the crazy chimp. Caroline and Will go along, and the place doesn’t look too bad, like a big playground. John Landon, the man who runs the place, has seen this before with former pets.
Caesar soon learns that he’s in monkey jail, and he’s very sad, as are Will, Charles, and Caroline. As soon as they leave, John puts Caesar into a much less friendly-looking cage. John’s son, Dodge, is mean to the apes in his custody. Meanwhile, Caesar sees all the many other apes in the place.
Charles continues to get worse, so Will decides to make a newer, stronger drug. Steven still believes the drug is dangerous, and Will tells him everything about Charles. He believes that Charles not only got better, he got smarter than he ever was; he improved. Steven agrees to resume animal testing, and more apes are ordered.
Will meets a whole new cohort of apes, including a scarred one named Koba. Instead of an injection, ALZ-113, the new drug, is spread by aerosol gas. In one experiment, Richard gets exposed to the gas by accident.
Meanwhile, Caesar continues to be abused by Dodge. He eventually gets put into a big cage with all the other apes, including an orangutan and a very large gorilla. The other chimps sense something wrong with Caesar and attack him, but he’s way smarter than they are.
Steven sees that Koba can read and write now. He’s really smart. Richard is feeling pretty awful, he’s sneezing blood.
Back in ape-jail, Caesar uses sign language to talk to Maurice, the orangutan. He sees the Gen-Sys order, and he knows that name. Will comes for a visit, and Caesar really wants to go home with him, but that’s not going to happen.
Caesar manages to build a lockpick and release Buck, the big gorilla. Buck has never been out of his cage before, so Caesar’s got a new ally. While free, Caesar establishes dominance over the alpha ape.
Will administers a euthanasia drug to Charles, and in the morning, he’s dead. Steven is super impressed with Koba, but the virus they use to administer the drug is potentially dangerous. Will wonders about Franklin, who hasn’t come to work in several days. Franklin goes to Will’s house and sneezes all over the obnoxious neighbor.
Will bribes John and Dodge to release Caesar, but Caesar would prefer to stay with his new friends. The other apes approve of Caesar’s choice.
Caesar lets himself out one night and goes home to Will’s place. He sees the ALZ-113 drug in the fridge and steals it. He takes it back to the other apes and releases the gas for all of them.
In the morning, all the apes have changed, which is not lost on John and Dodge. Caesar starts teaching them all sign language.
Dodge continues to abuse Caesar, who finally yells, “No!” He beats up Dodge and releases all his compatriots. Caesar kills Dodge, sort of accidentally. Then they all escape out to the countryside.
Back at the lab, the Alzheimer's drug goes into mass production. At home, Richard’s landlord finds him in bed, dead. Will finds out about the apes’ escape and knows where they’re headed.
The apes storm the Gen-Sys lab and free the apes there, including Koba. Steven learns about what happened to Richard Franklin, but it’s too late. The apes then invade the zoo and free the apes there as well. They rampage through the city, and the police get involved. Soon, the apes are armed. The big apes, Maurica and Buck, are especially useful.
The whole group of apes crosses the Golden Gate Bridge, trying to get to the forest. There are a million armed cops on the far end of the bridge setting up an ambush. The apes go over and under the bridge, avoiding the police. Some of the apes fight, but Caesar tries to minimize the casualties on both sides.
The apes soon overpower the police on the bridge. The police helicopter shows up with a machine gun, and it starts looking pretty bleak for the apes. Buck knocks Caesar out of the path of some bullets, leaps into the copter, and causes it to crash. Caesar takes care of Buck for the minute or so before he dies, the big hero of the battle.
Koba then pushes the wreckage of the copter over the side of the bridge, along with Steven. He’s not as nice as Caesar. Will grabs one of the police cars and chases the apes out to the redwood forest.
Koba threatens Will, but Caesar intervenes. Will apologizes for his part in all this and wants Caesar to come home with him. “Caesar is home,” says the ape. Caesar, Maurice, Rocket, Koba, and the others climb the redwoods, happy and free.
Meanwhile, Will’s annoying neighbor, who is a pilot, spread the ALZ-113 plague across the rest of the world…
Brian’s Commentary
The CGI here is still better than most modern films; the apes are exceptionally expressive, each with their own personalities. As different as this version is from what came before, there are lots of callbacks to the earlier films, especially the original.
There are a few hundred apes at this point, and it seems likely they’d soon be rounded up, if not for that pesky plague distracting everyone.
It’s mostly logical, and it explains a lot that the original didn’t. It’s quite good!
Kevin’s Commentary
This one grew on me more this second viewing. I saw the original Planet of the Apes movies at the theater when they came out and later again on television, so I’m biased toward the originals out of nostalgia. But the motion capture and other CGI in this holds up really well, and it’s very entertaining. I’d recommend it.
Short Films:
2023 Short Film The Persistence of Time
Directed by: Dustin Weible
Written by: Dustin Weible
Stars: Samantha DeBoer, Daniel F. Gray, MJ Mattiaccio
Run Time: 9:28
Watch it:
What Happens
It’s 1957, and two time-traveling detectives work on a case. We’re told how the FBI started using time travel to investigate old cold cases, mostly just for historical documentation. He explains that you can’t go back to the same point in time twice once you’ve been there; no do-overs.
The agents go into the motel room and find parts of a body; where did the rest of her go? Detective Roni turns the body over and sees that it’s… herself.
This isn’t going to end well, is it?
Commentary
That’s not how you pronounce “Temporal.” “Something’s out there, watching us. We never knew. Not until we went too far and messed with things out of our control.”
Time travel is always fun, and mixed with existential horror, it can only work out badly in the end.
Nice!
2019 Short Film Toe
Directed by: Neal O’Bryan, Chad Thurman
Stars: Cassie Carey
Run Time: 7 Minutes
Watch it:
What Happens
We watch an animated boy walk through the desolation, looking for food. Instead, he finds a toe buried in the ground. He hacks it off whatever it was connected to and takes it home to cook and eat it.
He never considers for a minute that the owner might want it back…
Commentary
It’s very crisp and sharp black-and-white. It’s hard not to compare this with Tim Burton’s visual style, but this is much bleaker and less whimsical.
This one is crazy good!
2023 Short Film Fetal Position
Directed by: Joseph Yates
Written by: Joseph Yates
Stars: William Tokarsky, Greg Wattkis, Avra Friedman
Run Time: 7 Minutes
Watch it:
What Happens
A strange-looking man walks up to a crowd of people protesting an abortion clinic. He goes inside and orders “one abortion, please.” He’s very insistent– maybe for good reason.
Commentary
I liked some of the protester signs: “You wouldn’t abort a car!” What? “Morning sickness? Try Thalidomide!”
I’ve never had one, but I don’t think abortions work like that, at least not most of the time. On the other hand, the immigration jokes are just about 100% accurate.
It’s low budget and cheesy, but also very funny. I like it!
2025 Short Film Versace Softboi
Directed by: Charlie Gillette, Sarah Metcalf
Written by: Charlie Gillette
Stars: Charlie Gillette, Becky Granger, Wesley Han
Run Time: 13 Minutes
Watch it:
What Happens
Em nags at Alex to get off her phone; she seems addicted to that thing. She’s texting with a new boyfriend, a literal Versace model. She’s smoking pot and getting uptight, but then she sees her new boyfriend, Sam, standing outside, stalking her.
Is he a stalker? Maybe. They all talk about their past stalkers, and they’ve all had one.
Commentary
Is it paranoia if they’re really following you? Could it be a coincidence? It starts out pretty much as nothing, but it escalates pretty quickly as the situation gets more and more uncomfortable.
It’s well shot, well acted, and looks good, but not much really happens.
2024 Short Film Subject 7
Directed by: Aaron Hall
Stars: Adam Kenzie, Michael Cuddy
Run Time: 8:41
Watch it:
What Happens
Trevor is in a blindfold being asked some questions for some kind of research study. It looks like a lie detector test, but the blindfold is unusual. The questions keep coming back to “Are you a Communist?” Yet it’s 1983.
Does Trevor have ESP? Sure looks that way.
Commentary
It’s all very “Cold War” but with the added twist of psychic powers. It’s just two guys in a room talking, but it’s interesting from beginning to end, and the ending is really unexpected.
I did not see that coming. Very well done!
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