We’ve got another mostly random mix this time around. We’ll start off with the weird BDSM-gone-wrong film, “Bight” from 2026. We’ll then watch Seven Samurai— no, “Seven Cemeteries” from 2024. We’ll force ourselves to watch the infamous “Troll 2,” finish up the franchise with “Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud,” and then continue our big lizard coverage with “Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla.”
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Mainstream Films:
2026 Bight
Directed by: Maiara Walsh
Written by: Cameron Cowperthwaite, Maiara Walsh
Stars: Cameron Cowperthwaite, Mark Hapka, Maya Stojan
Run Time: 1 Hour, 32 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
Two artsy couples get together for an evening of bondage, photography, sex, and emotional exploration. It takes a while, but it does eventually get to some horror-adjacent elements. It’s more of a drama thriller though, and it’s quite good. It wasn’t quite what either of us expected.
Spoilery Synopsis
Two people hug in the shower as they wash blood off each other’s bodies. Credits roll.
Charlie gets a call from her boss, Ariana, and she’s not happy. Her artist boyfriend, Atticus, works in the living room. The couple is not getting along very well. They’re going to Sebastian’s party, but neither of them want to go to this one.
Turns out, this party is just for them. Sebastian and Naomi have invited only Charlie and Atticus. Charlie keeps getting texts as the men talk about photography. Charlie and Atticus argue some more, and then we see that Sebastian and Naomi aren’t getting along so well either.
Sebastian gets all pretentious during dinner and we get a flashback to the last time the four got together; it was an orgy. This time, he wants to use his two guests as nude models. Charlie is all in, but Atticus doesn’t want to participate; they’ve done this before, and he doesn’t want to repeat last time. They decide to go for it.
Sebastian puts something in everyone’s tea. He explains the rules of his work with ropes and then everyone splits up to get ready. Naomi ties Atticus’s hands behind his back as the drugs start to kick in. Soon, they’re both bound up, naked, with ropes, and Sebastian starts to take pictures. Naomi, in the meantime, covers them with red paint.
Neither Charlie nor Atticus are really into this, and both are really uncomfortable, but it’s hard to argue with Sebastian. As they all take a break, Sebastian gets with Charlie, while Naomi goes for Atticus.
We then cut to a bedroom scene with Atticus tied up on the floor and Naomi suspended by ropes from the ceiling above them. Sebastian has sex with Charlie as the other two watch in restraints. Naomi wants to be released, and Sebastian says no way; he’s punishing her for having sex with Atticus. This is all some kind of elaborate revenge plot by Sebastian against the cheaters. When Atticus realizes Naomi drugged him, he urges Sebastian to spin her ropes some more.
Charlie has seen enough and wants to leave, so Sebastian just knocks her out. He puts her in a gas mask and ties her up. He then cuts Naomi’s throat and lets her bleed all over Atticus, who is still tied up beneath her.
As Sebastian menaces Charlie, Atticus breaks out of his ropes and intervenes. In the struggle, Sebastian gets stabbed numerous times with a box cutter and then strangled with a rope.
Atticus apologizes to Charlie and unties her. The two of them then clean up the mess. Then when they get to their car in the morning they have wild sex; their romance has rekindled.
Some time later, at one of Atticus’s art shows, he reveals his new works; at least in his mind, Sebastian is still with him.
Brian’s Commentary
Bight: a loop of rope, as distinct from the rope’s ends.
This film looks great. It’s colorful and is very interestingly shot. The dialogue is clunky and pretentious, but the characters are all “artists,” so that’s probably just realism.
It took a very long time to get to anything that might be considered horror, but it did get there eventually.
It’s weird, a little dull and draggy in the first half, but overall, I liked it.
Kevin’s Commentary
The bight/bite play on words is clever.
It flowed along with a lot of talk, and then it got realer than I expected when Sebastian stepped things up a bit. All in all, it wasn’t what I expected, and I liked it quite a bit.
What a way to rekindle your relationship.
2024 Seven Cemeteries
Directed by: John Gulager
Written by: John Gulager, Joel Soisson
Stars: Danny Trejo, Sal Lopez, Samantha Ashley
Run Time: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
The plot is simple. A recent parolee gets a Mexican witch to resurrect his old posse so that they can help him save a woman’s ranch from a ruthless drug lord. So it’s an action crime drama with magic and lots of dark humor. We both thought it was really good.
Spoilery Synopsis
In Diablo County, Texas, men come to an isolated ranch, and Matteo, the man who lives there, grabs his gun. The old man in the car wants to buy the farm, and he’s not going to take no for an answer. That goes really bad for Matteo.
We cut to Santana Bravo, being released from prison, where he’s been since 1973, as credits roll. We’re told he was falsely accused of murder and spent 41 years in prison. He goes to Diablo County and goes to that same ranch for a job from Matteo. Matteo’s wife, Carmela, wants to hire him for protection from the old Abuelo.
Sheriff Jake shows up, and oddly, all their body cameras aren’t working. He marches Bravo out into the field, and shoots him in the back three times.
Bravo wakes up some time later in the home of a bruja, an enchantress, and her husband, Miguelito is a zombie. She also wants him to stand up to Abuelo. Back in the day, Abuelo killed Bravo’s wife. He became a legend in the region for standing up to Abuelo back in ‘73. He’s old now, and not up to the fight anymore. She says he “needs a crew” and can make one by standing over a grave and bleeding.
Bravo goes off to do the job, and he takes Miguelito with him. Miguel explains what it’s like to be dead, and he doesn’t mind it too much. They head to cemetery number one and Bravo cuts himself and bleeds into the grave. His blood explodes dramatically, and when the fire clears, dead Eugene is back, out of the grave, awake, and not too happy to be there.
At the next cemetery, they wake up another corpse, Tommy LaSorda. Tommy and Eugene don’t get along, and they wreck their truck. They quickly manage to steal another one. They all drive to another cemetery and dig up Quasimodo, the dead professional wrestler and his girlfriend Delores, both buried in their luchadore costumes.
At the fifth cemetery, they wake up Stickface, a homicidal hockey player.
Meanwhile, back at the farm, Camela and her mother get ready for a fight when Abuelo returns in the morning. Sheriff Jake and his men arrive in force, and they want trouble. Jake is the first to die in the ensuing fire fight.
Then the dead arrive and mess up the killers. They are not gentle, and there’s some great carnage. Carmela is a little surprised to find Bravo with an army of zombies who all introduce themselves. “One problem at a time,” she tells her elderly mother.
As everyone gets set working to reinforce the house, Quasimodo sings to Delores. They learn that there are tunnels under the farm that leads across the border.
Hector reports to El Abuelo about their defeat at the ranch earlier in the morning, and the old man is not happy. El Abuelo then grabs Miguel and plays the accordion for him. Miguel doesn’t torture well. He warns Abuelo that the others are “Way less chill.” Then they put him through a wood chipper.
At cemetery number six, Bravo and Carmela visit Matteo’s grave. They talk about Guadalupe, Bravo’s long-dead wife.
The bad guys grab the bruja and drop her off at the ranch. She’s wearing a big bomb, the same way Abuelo killed Guadalupe many years ago. She goes boom, and the zombies are not pleased. Bravo’s got nothing to offer them now; he had promised that the bruja would restore them to real life, but that’s not gonna happen now. That’s OK, as they all want revenge now.
The baddies return with missiles, and they blow up Stickface. The gang heads down to the cellar and the tunnels to head for Mexico. All the zombies want to blow up the tunnels and bury themselves to save Bravo, Carmela, and the old lady.
Bravo is killed anyway, but Carmela’s mother revives him. When they get to the other side of the tunnel, Abuelo is waiting for them. The old man gets the drop on them, but then, out of nowhere, Miguel’s severed hand crawls up the old man’s pants and does bad things to him. Bravo and Carmela finish him off.
At cemetery number seven, Bravo reburies all his zombie friends. Bravo and Mihuel’s hand walk off to have further adventures.
Brian’s Commentary
This is great, it pokes fun at westerns, Mexican wrestlers, revenge films, zombie tropes, and everything else it can throw in. Mostly, though, it follows the basic plot of “Seven Samurai.” It’s more comedy than horror, but it’s about zombies, so there’s that. Danny Trejo’s getting a little old to be doing physical stunts and violence, but as the leader of the group, he does well here. The array of dead characters is fun, especially Lew Temple as Tommy Lasorda.
Kevin’s Commentary
I thought the humor in this was excellent. The script is very good, taking an old idea and adding the element of the undead to liven it up. I’d say it was my favorite Danny Trejo movie that I’ve seen.
2007 Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud
Directed by: Michal Hurst
Written by: Michael Hurst
Stars: Lance Henriksen, Rob Freeman, Amy Manson
Run Time: 1 Hour, 35 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
When a young McCoy loves a young Hatfield, their family feud works to keep them apart. When a younger McCoy is killed, it’s revenge time! Which in these parts means it’s time for Pumpkinhead again. The plot’s a little basic, but it’s well made with practical effects that look good, and steady pacing.
Spoilery Synopsis
A couple of guys on motorcycles race through the woods, being pursued by something. One guy crashes, and Pumpkinhead kills him. Elsewhere, in a cabin, a man collapses in pain. The other cyclist arrives outside the man’s door and demands that he “call it off.” He shoots the man, and Pumpkinhead vanishes. The ghost of Ed Harley appears and tells him that he’s not going to escape vengeance. Credits roll.
Five years later, it’s a McCoy wedding party. Two Hatfields show up and aren’t allowed in. Jodie and her brothers understand but don’t like it.
Inside, Ricky is weird, and everyone notices. A group of Hatfields come in the side door and soon, it’s an all-out brawl fight. Jodie Hatfield does not approve. Papa Hatfield explains the origins of the feud to her, and she’d never heard the story before; they put Uncle Abner in a wheelchair by running him over. Abner himself isn’t too angry about it; he knows that Jodie is dating Ricky.
Jodie and Ricky meet in the woods, and Ricky’s younger sister Sarah comes along to be the lookout. When a couple of the Hatfield brothers show up, Sarah is killed in a fall. They drag Ricky behind their truck until the rope breaks. Ricky runs back and finds Sarah’s body in the woods.
Ricky takes Sarah’s body to the old woman in the woods. Ed Harley comes to her and tells her not to help Ricky, but she wants to help Ricky get his revenge. Ricky insists on revenge, and he wants Pumpkinhead specifically to help. If anyone in a horror movie was ever warned that revenge is a bad idea, it would be Ricky, who just won’t listen to talk about “paying the price.” Old Haggis does the ritual.
In the morning, Ricky takes Sarah home to the McCoys, who are not pleased. Haggis does her thing in the pumpkin patch, and Pumpkinhead rises again. Soon after, Hatfields start dying.
Ed Harley appears to Jodie and explains that only she can stop what’s going to happen. Ricky comes to her and explains that he’s done something that will fix everything.
Sheriff Dallas sees Ed. Five years ago, he was warned that Pumpkinhead would be coming back, and now, his time has come.
At Sarah’s funeral, Ricky feels pain when the next group of Hatfields dies. Dallas tells old man Hatfield about Pumpkinhead.
Jodie goes to Haggis’s house and finds the pumpkin field. Better yet, she runs right into Pumpkinhead, but he doesn’t hurt her.
Four more Hatfields go to the McCoy house and set it on fire. Jodie helps out the old woman inside, but she doesn’t get a lot of thanks.
This is enough that the McCoys and Hatfields finally make peace. Old Man McCoy has no idea that Ricky’s behind all the carnage. Now, both sides decide to work together to stop Ricky and Pumpkinhead. Sheriff Dallas explains that the only way to stop this is to kill Ricky. Sherriff explains his story, which we saw in the pre-credit sequence.
Pumpkinhead attacks the house, full of both McCoys and Hatfields. Ed reminds Jodie that only she can stop this. Soon, there are a lot of dead bodies inside. Ed comes for Dallas, who has to face the monster. The fight moves outside, where Pumpkinhead disembowls Dallas. It comes for Jodie’s younger sister, and Jodie has to make a decision. In the end, she shoots Ricky. He’s still not dead, but he grabs Pumpkinhead and they both fall into a well.
Ed appears again and says she “done good.”
Brian’s Commentary
Hatfields and McCoys? Wasn’t that cliche a hundred years before even this film was made. Lame plot aside, it’s nicely paced, well acted (mostly), and doesn’t get boring. The Pumpkinhead creature looks as good as ever, and he’s still pretty effective for a guy in a rubber suit.
It’s entertaining. A long way from great, but not terrible, either.
Kevin’s Commentary
Haggis does keep trying to warn these people, but they just don’t listen.
I appreciated the practical effects, and the creature looks good even fully visible in the light.
There were many moments of neither family being too bright. But it is well put together, and I’d put it as my number two favorite after the first movie.
1990 Troll 2
Directed by: Claudio Fragasso
Written by: Claudio Fragasso, Rossella Drudi
Stars: Michel Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey
Run Time: 1 Hour, 35 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
It has nothing to do with the first “Troll” movie, and doesn’t even have Trolls. They go to a town infested with goblins and a witch. It’s a bad movie, but it’s a good bad movie. It’s stupid, but it’s fun and entertaining.
Spoilery Synopsis
We hear about Peter, lost in the woods. He found some ugly small people, goblins, who followed him. This is all a bedtime story told by Grandpa to little Josh. He explains that goblins are evil little creatures. Credits roll as the goblins hunt Peter.
Grandpa insists that goblins still exist and that Peter came to a bad end. They turned him into a half-plant and ate him. Josh’s mother comes in, and we see that Grandpa isn’t real. “I see him in front of me, and he’s so real.” Grandpa’s funeral was six months ago.
Josh and his family are going on a monthlong vacation to Nilbog in the country tomorrow. Elliott comes over and makes both Joshua and Holly scream, but the parents downstairs don’t hear a thing. Elliott invites himself along on the trip.
In the morning, Elliott is really late, and the family leaves without Elliott. Dad’s thrilled, Holly is not. Elliott and all his friends are not far behind in an RV. Joshua imagines himself getting sick and turning into a plant. On the way, the ghost of Grandpa tells Josh to make his family turn back.
The family arrives at Nilbog, and there’s no one in the town. Dad says “Farmers sleep this time of night,” but it’s clearly mid-afternoon. They take a family’s house and trade keys as some of the locals head to the city. They go inside and find a bunch of food waiting for them. Grandpa warns Joshua not to let them eat, so he pees all over the table and food. “You can’t piss on hospitality– I won’t allow it!” yells Dad.
Elliott’s group parks in a field and wonders where all the girls are. Arnold goes outside and soon finds one. He chases her into the woods and learns that the goblins made her eat that green stuff. The goblins show up, and stab Arnold.
They run to a strange house with an even stranger woman inside. She’s Creedence Leonore Gielgud, and her ancestors are from Stonehenge. She appears to be a witch. The girl turns into a plant; “She’s food for my children!” says Creedence. The goblins rush in and eat the woman.
At home, Holly plans her revenge against Elliott, who never does anything without his friends. She gets a vision of Dead Grandpa, and Dad thinks she’s been smoking dope.
The sheriff picks up another of Elliott’s friends, and right away offers him some green food. He’s dropped off at the local general store, and the place has a weird variety of foods. “We’re vegetarians here in Nilbog,” says the store owner. He gives him some “special” milk.
Joshua finally figures out what “Nilbog” spelled backwards is and freaks out. Back at the house, Creedence brings Josh’s mother some green cake. Josh comes across a strange church service where the goblins complain about meat.
Drew arrives at the church-house and tries to rescue Arnold, who’s mostly a potted plant now. Creedence returns and takes a chainsaw to Arnold, but he laughs as it only tickles.
Holly goes to see Elliott and punches him. Josh and his dad arrive and pull her out of there. When they return home, the whole village has come to sing and dance; Mom’s invited them all inside. Josh warns about goblins again and reminds everyone not to eat the food.
A goblin attacks Josh, but Grandpa Seth appears with an ax and cuts its hand off. Back at the church, Creedence loses an arm– that she soon regrows. The old ghost then gives little Josh a Molotov cocktail to use downstairs.
The leader of the goblins catches on and sends Grandpa back to Hell. That goes badly for both of them, but when Dad puts the fire out, he just sees a burnt goblin there. The whole family soon realizes that the goblin stories are true and hide inside the house.
Creedence prays to Stonehenge for more power, and soon, she’s young and normal-looking. She then shows up outside the RV, and Brent, Elliott’s last friend, goes outside to see. They both have sexy corn on the cob… and popcorn.
The family, meanwhile, tries really hard to make a seance work so that Grandpa Seth can return. The old ghost talks about destroying the stone that gives the goblins their power, but then the goblins break in and start attacking. There’s a great deal of running around and screaming until Josh finds himself in the church-house (which is apparently now in the basement of the family house).
Grandpa tells Josh what to do with the stone. Creedence starts getting ugly again and calls for her goblins, who vanish, leaving the family alone. Creedence looks on in horror as Josh eats a meat sandwich and then touches the magic rock.
The whole family helps Josh touch the rock, and soon, all the baddies are dead.
Back in the city, the family returns to their real home. Joshua’s mother eats an apple right away. Josh soon finds that his mother is being eaten. “Do you want some, Joshua?”
Brian’s Commentary
This is often cited as one of the best “So bad it’s good” movies, and it’s clear to see why. It’s hard to tear your eyes away from this, as it’s weird at every turn. The acting is atrocious all around, except for Deborah Reed as Creedence, who deserved some kind of overacting award– so bad that she wraps around to awesome.
It’s really something.
Kevin’s Commentary
Goblins, trolls, Goldberg, iceberg - same thing.
Reading the trivia, it’s impressive the movie came out as well as it did. The director only spoke Italian, as did the crew except for one member who acted as translator. And the cast were mostly a bunch of locals who showed up thinking they were just going to be extras and got lead, supporting, and extra roles.
Some movies have gallons of blood, this one had gallons of green. I wonder how much green food coloring got used in production. And yogurt. Lots of yogurt.
It’s awful but fun.
2002 Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla
Directed by: Masaaki Tezuka, Kazuki Omori
Written by: Wataru Mimura
Stars: Yumiko Shaku, Shin Takuma, Kana Onodera
Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
When a new Godzilla appears, they use the remains of the 1954 Godzilla to make… a MechaGodzilla to fight him. Of course it’s not that simple as complications arise, politics are worked out, and Godzilla is tough and stubborn. There’s more CGI used this time, and they blend pretty well with the practical effects. It’s an entertaining one. Brian thought it was one of the better ones, Kevin was entertained but thought it was a bit mundane.
Spoilery Synopsis
It’s 1999, and the Japanese military is getting ready for action. A typhoon is coming, and a big one at that. Not only does it rain really hard, but it drives Godzilla ashore. The Anti-Megalosaurus Force (AMF) is deployed. They bring tanks and rocket launchers, and those work as well as they always do against Godzilla. The Maser gets his attention, but that goes badly for the troops. Credits roll.
The news reports that the attack was carried out by a monster similar to the Godzilla of 1954 (I guess we’re ignoring all the sequels again). The Prime Minister remembers how the original was defeated; Dr. Serizawa’s weapon has never been duplicated. Mothra and other monsters have attacked over the years, but have always been repelled. What can they do against Godzilla, though?
Meanwhile, at the AMF, Akane Yashiro is cleared from any wrongdoing in the loss of her Maser crew. Still, she’s been transferred to a desk job.
We cut to a science lab where Dr. Yuhara, the professor, talks about animal-machine hybrids. He’s soon taken to the Defense Agency to work on a new project. There’s a whole conference table of scientists invited to work on the project. They have found the skeleton of the original 1954 Godzilla and have taken cells to make a bio-robot. They want to make a robotic version of Godzilla and make it even stronger than the new one.
Yuhara doesn’t want to get involved, but his daughter, Sara, convinces him to take the job. Four years pass, and the construction proceeds.
Akane hates her desk job, but she’s done well in her years of punishment and is finally invited to join the Mechagodzilla team as a pilot. Colonel Togoshi runs the Kiryu project, and it’s nearing completion. The team undergoes extensive military combat training. At the base, Yuhara likes Akane, but she doesn’t even know who he is. They soon find out.
The machine is soon finished, and they present it to everyone on the news. It’s powered by DNA computers, the fastest available, as well as a freeze-ray. Suddenly, they spot the real Godzilla on the radar. What perfect timing!
Mechagodzilla is airlifted to the coast to wait for big G’s arrival. People flee through the streets.
Mechagodzilla attacks with missiles, rockets, lightning, and everything else it has. The absolute zero gun is ready to fire, but all of a sudden, something inside Mechagodzilla wakes up. The original Godzilla DNA cells remember its own death and lets the new one escape.
Suddenly, Mechagodzilla shoots at the human’s fighter planes. It then unloads all its weapons against Tokyo’s skyline. In about an hour, it’ll run out of power, but that’s going to be a really long hour.
Togashi tells the Prime Minister that it’s a design flaw and that they can fix it. They need the Kiryu project for the next time Godzilla shows up. They retrieve the powered-down machine and get to work fixing the problem. Godzilla’s road was what triggered the machine’s memories.
Sara yells at her father about how adults treat living things. She says the thing inside Mechagodzilla is suffering. Akane talks to her about moving on from her mother’s death.
There’s another Godzilla sighting, followed by another evacuation. His atomic breath makes short work of the conventional defenses. They don’t really want to try Kiryu again, but what choice do they have?
They launch Mechagodzilla again, and the battle continues. Mechagodzilla’s got a jetpack and a wide variety of weapons, but Godzilla’s got atomic breath. Just as Mechagodzilla’s power starts to fail, Godzilla falls over. Akane activates the absolute zero weapon, and that goes badly for Tokyo.
Mechagodzilla is knocked out, and Akane has to physically go inside the thing to reactivate it while the scientists figure out a way to recharge it; they drain the whole city’s power.
Togashi crashes his fighter plane into Godzilla’s mouth to keep it from firing at Akane. She grabs the big lizard and dumps him in the ocean. When she finally has the power to shoot the absolute zero weapon, she turns Godzilla into an iceberg. That doesn’t last, but it does convince Godzilla to go back to the ocean.
They couldn’t destroy Godzilla, but they beat it away this time. The PM declares it a great victory. Akane watches as Godzilla walks out into the ocean. Will they get a rematch?
Brian’s Commentary
Kiryu: Mechanical Dragon
Although not perfect, this is the first of the series to use CGI fairly well. There’s a lot of it, but it’s mostly pretty good and not super-obviously CGI. The battles look far more realistic this time around, and both creatures look good.
I’m not super clear about what was going on with Sara, but everything else made sense.
This was one of the better ones in my opinion.
Kevin’s Commentary
Science. So much science. DNA computers, and microwave blasters, and low temperature blasters, and giant cyborg robots oh my.
This one had a lot of military vs. Godzilla, creature combat, and collateral damage. It also seemed a little heavier on the people and what they were doing.
It was entertaining enough, but I didn’t feel like it was much we hadn’t seen before.
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