Four out of five new releases this week. We’ll open with “They Will Kill You,” followed by “We’re Not Safe Here,” “Touch Me,” and “The Yeti,” all 2026 releases. Lastly, we’ll conclude “The Hills Have Eyes” series with the second sequel from 2007.
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Mainstream Films:
2026 They Will Kill You
Director: Kirill Sokolov
Writers: Kirill Sokolov, Alex J. Litvak, Dan Berk, Robert Olsen
Stars: Zazie Beetz, Patricia Arquette, Myha’la
Run Time: 1 Hour, 34 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
A woman hires on as a maid in a luxury high-rise in New York and quickly finds out that everything there is not normal. And things get wilder from there. This is a good one to go into as blind as you can if possible. There is much unexpected. It’s well put together, heavy on practical effects and sets, with a strong cast and Zazie Beetz excellent in the lead.
Spoilery Synopsis
Two sisters are on the run from an abusive father, and hide in a convenience store, but they soon get caught. Asia shoots her father in the parking lot just as the police arrive. Asia runs off, but Maria is caught.
Ten years later, Asia comes to Lily Woodhouse under a different name; she’s the new maid. It’s a very high-security building. Asia meets Sharon and the other residents. There are a lot of maids in this place as well as Ray, Lily’s weird husband. Credits roll.
Right away, Asia notices something weird in the vents. And in the hallway. We see that her room isn’t as secure as she thinks it is, as a pig-man sneaks in and licks her toes as she sleeps. He knocks out Asia and lets in the others, the residents, all wearing pig masks. The cultists, or whatever they are, aren’t very good at this, and Asia came heavily armed. She decapitates one of them, shoots another, and uses various ninja skills to take out the rest. Lily walks up and says that was pretty impressive. More credits roll.
Asia tells Lily about abandoning her sister, who went home with her father, who survived. Asia spent time in prison and learned to fight there. She hired a PI to find her sister, who went missing in this very hotel.
Lily says she also has an unusual family with unusual needs. All the dead cultists then get back up and collect their missing body parts– even the headless guy. Soon, Asia’s on the run from everyone yet again. The baddies need her alive for some reason, and the hotel has quite a maze of (well-lit) secret tunnels.
Ray’s down in the tunnels as well, and he helps Asia hide. He explains about the Virgil Hotel, a temple to Satan. Their ancestors made a deal: immortality for human sacrifices. Literally nothing can kill these guys as long as a single piece of them remains. The only way they can die is if their names are removed from the devil’s list. As they crawl through the tunnels, Sharon’s eyeball follows them.
Ray takes Asia to Maria, her now-grown sister. Maria explains that she got a job at the Virgil and went through all the ordeals but then was invited to join them instead of being a sacrifice. Yeah, she’s on the list now, and she doesn’t want to leave.
There’s a lot more running and fighting as Asia tries to find a way out of the building, but the cultists have a huge number of followers who are all in on it.
Lily and the others finally corner Asia and tell her what Marie did to earn her place here– nothing yet. Asia (or Isobel, the woman she replaced) was supposed to be the sacrifice she needed to survive.
The whole group goes downstairs to see Satan, who looks like a talking pig head on a stick. The pig erases Ray’s name from the list, which is written on his head. He tells Lily to kill Ray, which she does. He then tells Maria to write her name on his head and then kill Asia.
Marie writes a name and then kills herself; the name she wrote was Asia’s, who is now immortal. Her wounds now heal instantly. Time for more fighting, but amped up a notch!
During the battle, the pig head climbs on top of Lily and uses her body as his own. The battle is crazy, but Asia ends up removing all the names from the pig’s head, killing all the main baddies permanently and turning all the other residents of the hotel mortal again.
Asia takes her sister’s body and goes outside, where the P.I. is waiting with a car. Asia, it turns out, had written Marie’s name on the pig skin before killing it; Marie revives. The P.I. is very confused.
Brian’s Commentary
This is hilarious; the fight scenes and choreography alone are worth the watch. The fights are so incredibly over the top as to make the whole film.
This was a lot of fun, easily my favorite of the week.
Kevin’s Commentary
I went into this blind, and I was quite surprised by the surprises. I’m glad I hadn’t heard anything about this ahead of time. There were elements that reminded us of “Ready or Not” and the sequel, which we’ve reviewed as well.
The violence is so over the top it crosses over into humor. I thought it was great.
2026 We’re Not Safe Here
Directed by: Solomon Gray
Written by: Solomon Gray
Stars: Hayley McFarland, Sharmita Bhattacharya, Margaret Wuertz
Run Time: 1 Hour, 33 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
Two women get together late at night, and one of them tells scary stories. After far too long a period of talk and minor jump scares, things get a little real - maybe. The acting and all the technical aspects are good. But we both thought it was pretty drawn out and dull.
Spoilery Synopsis
We see shots of someone with a bloody pillowcase over their head as credits roll.
Sarah and Neeta talk about Neeta’s artist block. Later, Rachel calls and wants to come over. Rachel sees several men in bloody pillowcases banging on her car. “We’re all around you,” one says.
Rachel arrives and admires Neeta’s many paintings. She explains about her “dreams” that keep her up at night. This has been going on since she was little.
Rachel tells about her childhood friend, Lily, who told her a story about a little girl fifty years ago, who put a pillowcase over her mother’s head and killed her. The girl claimed her friend in the closet made her do it. Lily also said her dead grandma told her the story. Lily then rode her bicycle to the house where the little girl did the killing.
Rachel stops the story, thinking she’s hearing someone else in the house. There’s no one there.
Anyway, back to Rachel’s childhood story. Lily walked into the abandoned house, and Rachel went with her. They found a photograph of themselves, except Lily had a pillowcase over her head.
Rachel goes to the bathroom and sees someone with a pillowcase inside. This one removes the covering, and the woman inside is a real mess.
Rachel comes out and continues her apparently neverending story. She and Lily opened the closet in the abandoned house, and they saw something. They rode back home in a hurry, but that night, Lily and her mother just vanished, never to be seen again.
Rachel still thinks she hears something inside the house. She pulls out her diary, where she’s been making notes about the weird stuff she’s seen.
Neeta interrupts to tell her nightmare story about a siren. Rachel ignores that and continues with her story. She grew up, and the weirdness all went away– until it came back. Upset, both women turn in for the night, but Neeta takes a weapon with her just in case Rachel’s as crazy as she seems.
Nope– Rachel comes into Neeta’s bedroom and goes on with the interminable tale. She talks about how the visions eventually returned, and why she needed to tell the story.
Neeta hears the siren from her own story as someone else appears in the room. Neeta screams and freaks out but then realizes she’s alone in the silent room and Rachel’s asleep in her own room.
Neeta sneaks out and goes to the address from Rachel’s diary. Rachel, in the meantime, wakes up and deals with her own nightmares. Across town, Neeta explores the empty old house from Rachel’s diary and story. She finds a closet with a photo of her and Rachel. She gets scared and runs back to her car.
In the morning, Neeta wakes up tied to a chair and hears voices. “Fear is the path to grace. That’s what led you to us,” says an old woman, who puts a pillowcase over Neeta’s head. Nope– just a dream, maybe.
Neeta goes home, and Rachel knows what she’s done. Neeta now sees the pillowcase-head people outside. Neeta looks again at the photo she found, and it’s different now. It’s Neeta’s demon now, and Rachel is free.
Ten months later, Neeta goes to Sarah’s house and wants to tell her a story…
Brian’s Commentary
Rachel’s story about Lily takes most of the film’s run time. It’s like listening to someone telling a ghost story around the campfire. This is pretty cool in theory, but it goes on for far too long. It’s like a “creepypasta” stretched out for an hour and a half.
The set is very interesting, and the acting is fine, but it just takes way too long for anything to actually happen. Something beyond just jump scares between the quiet bits.
I thought it was pretty dull, but it might be good to watch in a dark room all by yourself some night.
Kevin’s Commentary
I turned on my iPad during viewing and a game being played on there was much more entertaining than this movie. Most of the strangeness just seemed like mental illness, distorted memories, stress, fatigue, and nightmares - which can be a sort of horror in itself. Things did get real and sort of explained at the very end, but by then I didn’t care much anymore.
It’s well made, and the acting is good, but it didn’t hold my interest.
2026 Touch Me
Directed by: Addison Heimann
Written by: Addison Heimann
Stars: Olivia Taylor Dudley, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jordan Gavaris
Run Time: 1 Hour, 40 Minutes
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
Two best friends find their friendship put to the test when they both fall for an alien lover. It’s very funny, very weird, and beautifully filmed with an excellent script. Plus there are plenty of horror elements. The trailer doesn’t do it justice, and we were both pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed it.
Spoilery Synopsis
Joey cleans her ear with a Q-Tip, and it comes out bloody. We then cut to her in therapy where she tells a story about meeting an alien in a bar last night. He had a whole story about seeds and saving the Earth from climate change. He touched her with his tentacle as well and then they had sex under glowing trees. There were many tentacles. It’s quite a long and convoluted story. Credits roll.
Joey then goes home to Craig, her gay bestie who lets her live with him. She sees Brian, the alien, in the coffee shop the next day, and he says he misses her. Or is she imagining him?
Due to a bathroom disaster, Joey has to get a job. She tries at the local convenience store. They whine about their financial situation and consider themselves “trash pandas.” Craig accidentally watches Joey’s alien sex tape.
Brian invites Joey and Craig to his house for the weekend. Yeah, he’s an alien, but he was good at sex, so she wants to go back. It’s quite a house. They meet Brian and Laura, the housekeeper. Brian admits again that he’s an alien and demonstrates to Craig. He explains that he’s allergic to sugar-free lemonade powder. He’s also really into shirtless dancing.
Brian shows them his chrysalis. It requires a sad story and a blood sacrifice. They tell their stories and crystal begins to glow and then knocks them all out.
Laura doesn’t like Joey and makes that very clear. Everyone has a story, and Brian tells his. Afterward, he and Joey have sex again, and this time, we see the tentacles. Very shortly afterward, He does the same with Craig. Laura watches the whole thing on a remote screen while touching herself..
In the morning, both Joey and Craig feel really good. They split up for more “therapy.” Joey tells the crystal about being sexually assaulted as a teenager.
We get a flashback to three days ago, where Noah texts Brian and hooks up. Noah drives to Brian’s house and is quickly taken prisoner and locked in a cage. Back in the present, Noah’s head explodes and makes a real mess. Brian says to Laura that he thought Noah might be “compatible.” Joey sees all this on the security cameras.
Laura is jealous that Brian won’t use his lubricated appendages on her, but Brian refuses.
Joey tells Craig what Brian has been doing to Noah, but even so, neither of them really wants to leave. They know Brian’s been murdering people, but the sex is soooo good.
Everyone stays, and dinner is awkward. Joey turns against Craig, who soon winds up in a cell. When Brian admits he wants to eat Craig, Joey is fine with that.
Laura knocks out Joey and tells her that Brian has already eaten Craig’s left hand. Brian knows all about Laura, but he has a plan to deal with her. Laura then stabs Brian in the back with lemonade powder, and his outer form melts. Laura finally gets what she wants, more or less. Brian recovers, but Laura doesn’t.
Brian thinks Joey was involved with Laura and puts her in a cell as well, right next to Craig, who is no longer as supportive as he once was.
That night, Brian eats Joey’s hand, but then it turns out to not really be Brian, but one of his glowing trees.
The three sit around the magic crystal for another round of admitting how terrible they all are. This goes badly for Brian, as Joey and Craig have this all planned out.
Craig’s got something growing inside him, and he asks Joey to cut it out– which she does. And kills Brian’s offspring. Brian shows up in his full tentacled form and clears the air for his two prisoners. Until they douse him with lemonade powder and he explodes.
Craig’s got a big hole in his stomach, falls down, and dies.
We cut to Joey, back in therapy, telling the story. The therapist has many questions. She remembers that Brian’s alien trees spit out clones. And ends with her saying “Kill” while interacting with her Duolingo app.
Brian’s Commentary
Are YOU ready for some cross-species intercourse?
There are numerous monologues and long stories told, which sounds like it ought to be boring, but it’s not. The cinematography is very interesting, with lots of cool shots and effects.
I liked this one. It’s got a good mix of humor, grossness, and weird ideas. It’s a winner!
Kevin’s Commentary
I wasn’t expecting to like this as much as I did. I thoroughly enjoyed it and chuckled many times. It’s weird and keeps your attention throughout. The script, effects, and cinematography are all excellent. I’d call it a winner.
2026 The Yeti
Directed by: Gene Gallerano, William Pisciotta
Written by: Gene Gallerano, William Pisciotta
Stars: Brittany Allen, Eric Nelsen, Jim Cummings, William Sadler, Corbin Bernsen
Run Time: 93 min
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
When a group vanishes in the wilds of 1947 Alaska, a rescue party of eclectic and eccentric characters is sent on a rescue mission. The reason they disappeared, as you might guess from the title and poster, is a Yeti on the rampage. It has the look of studio work on sets and a lack of cold temperatures, but the effects are good with a strong cast. Still, things didn’t really come together. It felt like a missed opportunity that should have been better than it was.
Spoilery Synopsis
It’s 1947 in the Alaskan Territory. An old man has something in a cage. Other men play cards until they hear roaring outside. “Did you feed it today?” One guy climbs up to fix the hole in the roof, and something big pulls him up and pulls him apart. Credits roll.
We then get a newsreel introducing us to the “experts” who are going to find out what happened to the oil exploration crew. Elaine Bannister gives a lecture on cartography, but all anyone cares about is her famous father. Belle Parker comes to visit her to join the rescue team, and they want Ellie to lead the search.
Within a few days in Alaska, some of the crew are already ready to leave. They can’t even make camp, so they decide to blow up the ground itself. That night, they talk about monsters, which keep people from going where they don’t belong. Dynamite Dan brags about blowing stuff up before going out to pee; that goes badly for him.
Ellie sees the creature, and soon, everyone knows about Dan’s death. They all decide to keep on moving to find their missing fathers. Parker soon goes missing, and everyone splits up to search. Margaret finds a huge footprint in the snow. She and Coates see the monster clawing on Parker in the fog. Coates mercy-kills Parker as Margaret watches.
Ellie and her group find the cabin we saw in the opening credits, blood and all. Margaret is in there hiding from the creature. Coates comes in and describes the monster. Margaret, the animal expert, explains what the creature is; an ancient, not-extinct great ape.
Then they hear the roaring outside. It reaches in through the window and disembowels Coates right in front of Ellie. They also find some of the original crew, dead in their bunks. Booker reports that the radio is down, so they can’t call for help. Booker then gives Ellie a much-needed pep talk.
Booker climbs the radio tower with Ellie’s help, and that goes badly– the yeti rips his arm off. She runs off and finds a cabin with a cage in it. Inside the cage is Mr. Sunday, the man they expedition came out here to find. She also finds big drums of morphine.
Ellie finds the records of the expedition; the men weren’t up here for oil, they wanted the creature. Turns out, Ellie’s father, Hollis, was the one who locked Sunday in the cage after being lied to about why they came up here. They found a baby yeti, and Hollis stole it and turned against Sunday.
Old man Sunday and Sunday Jr. don’t see eye to eye about all this. They pour the morphine all over Ellie’s unconscious body and use her for bait inside the cage. Margaret’s outside the cage as a second lure.
Ellie wakes up and comes face to face with the monster. The morphine takes effect and knocks out the yeti, which Sunday Jr reluctantly runs to tie up. By the time he gets to the cage, the thing is empty. Ellie sneaks up behind Junior and strangles him, but the old man gets the best of Ellie.
Ellie’s father, Hollis, comes out of the woods to negotiate with Sunday Sr. The negotiations are short.
Ellie wakes up in the cabin, and Hollis is there as well. He’s been raising the baby yeti and protecting the adults from Sunday. He takes the baby and runs off into the woods to lure the female away from Ellie.
Meanwhile, outside, Sunday Jr wakes up after being strangled, not as dead as everyone thought. He sits down and freezes to death next to his father.
Ellie pulls out her compass, grabs a rowboat, and heads home.
Brian’s Commentary
The characters are obviously all old pulp-novel hero types, each very distinctive in style and personalities. It’s all very surreal and over-the-top in the way it’s filmed. The sets are all pretty weak; it never felt like the actual, cold Alaska to me, and no one’s breath even fogged.
I liked the style and basic idea, but it was all too clean and polished, the editing left a lot to be desired. I think this one may have been a little more low-budget than it really should have been.
Good idea; flawed execution.
Kevin’s Commentary
I thought the pacing was kind of odd and clunky in this one. They were trying to make it stylized and retro, but I don’t feel like they quite pulled it off.
As Brian pointed out, it looks like it’s on sets with fake plants, fake fog, fake snow, and no indication they are actually in cold temperatures. I couldn’t stop noticing that.
This one didn’t quite work for me. I wasn’t bored, but I was only moderately entertained
2007 The Hills Have Eyes 2
Directed by: Martin Weisz
Written by: Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven
Stars: Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Jacob Vargas, and Flex Alexander
Run Time: 97 min
Trailer:
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
Set not long after the first movie released the year before and in the same desert area, a group of National Guard troops find out that the hills still have eyes. This is a remake of 1984’s “The Hills Have Eyes Part 2” and we both thought this one is miles more entertaining. It’s heavy on action, with a high body count and lots of painful looking injuries and death. We give it a thumbs up.
Spoilery Synopsis
We open on a woman being tortured as the credits roll. It looks like she’s been there a long time, and now she’s giving birth. Her “midwife” leaves a lot to be desired, and the baby doesn’t look so great either. She’s killed as soon as the baby shows up.
We’re told that after half the family in the first film escaped, the military started monitoring the area. Almost immediately, the feed shows more people there than there should be, and then it goes dead. At the army base, people start going missing all at once. Dr. Foster runs into a couple of mutants and dies quickly. Colonel Redding knows what’s really going on, but that doesn’t save him.
We cut to a bunch of soldiers under fire in the Middle East. Turns out, it’s just a drill, and they aren’t doing well. The whole squad ships out to Sector 16, where the old-time atomic testing took place. On the truck, we get to know the soldiers a bit.
The group soon arrives at the top-secret base, but wonder where all the people there have gone. They see something shiny up in the hills and go to look, leaving Napoleon behind to guard the latrine and Amber to work the radio.
Napoleon finds a man in the porta-potty tank, and he’s not happy about it. Someone gave him shallow cuts all over so he’d die slowly of infection. He dies before he can give them much of a warning about what happened. They don’t see a thing until the company truck explodes and their weapons are stolen.
Amber runs up toward the rest of the troops, while Napoleon stays with the radio. Amber is grabbed by a mutant and is rescued by Mickey, who was on his way back down the hill. Someone in a hole grabs Mickey’s leg and pulls him in.
Sarge and the soldiers find what’s left of Dr. Foster. The mutants make an appearance, and one of the soldiers accidentally shoots Sarge. Now they all know they’re being stalked, but they aren’t sure what to do about it.
Someone steals their ropes, and now they can’t get down off the mountain. They have to look for another way, but run into many dead ends. They find Colonel Redding, who’s badly hurt but explains about mutants living in the mines here. He then shoots himself rather than be captured by the mutants.
Missy and Amber know what’ll happen to them if they’re captured, and they want to go home now. Turns out, they’re the bait that managed to lure in one of the muties who promptly get shot by the soldiers. Even then, Missy gets grabbed and hauled off.
The group goes into the mines looking for Missy, and it soon becomes impossible to go back the way they came. Amber and Napoleon fall down a chute and get separated from the others.
Missy, still alive, experiences Papa Hades, and she’s also not happy about it. Delmar, Crank, Napoleon, and Amber get reunited and meet one of the mutants who has offered to help them.
The three remaining soldiers argue about what to do next and then Crank accidentally blows himself up. The other two find Missy and untie her. Papa Hades smashes the door in and attacks everyone, and Amber finds that she has only one bullet left, but she knows how to use it. They all still have to work together to finish him off.
Still, they aren’t alone and have no way out…
Brian’s Commentary
This was far, far better than the original “Hills 2” which was one of the lamest sequels ever made. I don’t think the real National Guard trains that hard; these guys started out like Marines in combat, but I could be wrong. They’re also really good at making really bad choices at every turn.
It’s a little formulaic, but it’s well done for what it is.
Kevin’s Commentary
It moves fast, and it’s one damn thing after another for these folks getting picked off and fighting back. It’s not a perfect film, but it’s sooo much better than the original Part 2 from 1984. Such a different reboot that it’s pretty much a different movie entirely. I was entertained.
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