It’s been three years since we did our last “Shark Week,” and we thought it was high tide to do another. But this time with a twist– they’re all horror comedies. We’ll start off with “Sharktopus,” a terrible, terrible film that was good enough to spawn two sequels, “Sharktopus vs Pteracuda” and “Sharktopus vs Whalewolf,” which actually got better as the series progressed. Then we’ll take a look at “Sharkenstein” and “Sharkula,” which you can probably guess all you need to know from the names alone. Finally, we’ll watch “Shark Side of the Moon,” a silly sci-fi story about a colony of sharks, you guessed it, on the moon.
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2010 Sharktopus
Directed by Declan O’Brien
Written by Mike MacLean, Steven Niver
Stars Eric Roberts, Kerem Bursin, Sara Malakul Lane
Run Time: 1 Hour, 29 Minutes
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
You have to just let yourself go and think of this one as silly entertainment to enjoy it. When just a shark isn’t scary enough, add some tentacles, and you’ve got another level. This is well made for what it is, with some low-level CGI, and we thought it was a pretty fun watch.
Spoilery Synopsis
We open on a bright, sunny day at Santa Monica Beach as the credits roll. One girl goes for a swim as her friend remains behind to play on her phone. Soon, a shark fin appears and chases Bree. Just as it’s about to bite her, giant tentacles reach up and kill the shark. The creature looks like half a shark, but it has tentacles too, and has some kind of electronic control device on it.
We cut to a control room where Nathan Sands shows Commander Cox footage of the whole incident. Nathan’s daughter, Nicole, explains that S-11 is completely under their control, a new weapon for the US Navy. They recall the S-11, but it’s on an intercept course for another vessel. The Commander wants the S-11 to pursue the little motorboat as a test. The speedboat does something unexpected, and it knocks the control collar off of the S-11. The “Sharktopus” stops responding and is now uncontrollable. This could be… bad.
The Sharktopus is heading to Mexico, so they track it to Puerto Vallarta; Nathan and Nicole go as well. Santos recommends that they call in Andy Flynn to help, a guy who Nathan fired for being too greedy.
Nathan tells Andy that he needs S-11 captured, not killed. Stacy, an investigative reporter, tracks down Pez about a photo he took of the Sharktopus. Meanwhile, a couple goes bungee jumping over the ocean; it’s like dangling bait over the aquarium as the Sharktopus leaps up and grabs the girl (played by Roger Corman’s daughter, Mary).
A pirate radio station reports that the Sharktopus is in the area. He suggests that someone is filming a low budget horror movie. Pez takes Stacy to where he saw the creature and they soon see it again. The creature attacks a bunch of people on the beach and causes a stampede. Stacy reports this on the news, so now everyone knows about it. Pez thinks he can track the creature from the previous movements.
Andy confronts Nicole about what she’s hiding. Sharks aren’t serial killers; could they have genetically modified the creature to make it more vicious? We cut to Nathan and Commander Cox talking about just that.
Andy and his men dive where they think the creature is, and it fights back, eating everyone but him. Andy gets a big gash on his leg, but Santos patches him up. Nathan tells Nicole that he enhanced its aggressiveness to make it a killer for the military.
Andy and Nicole run into Pez and Stacy’s boat. Pez is eaten by the shark before Andy shoots at it, running it off. Sharktopus then attacks Bob and Ed, a couple of jet skiers, before heading for another beach.
Stacy figures out that Blue Water is behind the creature, a shady genetic engineering firm with government contracts. The creature then eats the pirate radio guy even as he makes fun of it on the radio.
After a few more random attacks, Commander Cox wants to bring in a team to kill the Sharktopus, but Nathan wants it captured alive. The creature then attacks the main resort in Puerto Vallarta, and that’s crazy. Andy shoots at it, but it appears to be bulletproof.
Nathan shows his true colors as he confronts Andy, but Nicole takes Andy’s side. Suddenly, the Sharktopus attacks all of them, and Nathan’s goons are all killed. When it grabs Nicole, Nathan jumps in, and it kills him instead.
The Sharktopus arrives at another resort and starts eating people and jumping for people riding on the zip lines. Nicole tells Andy that the creature’s “kill switch” might still be working, but they have to get close to it. Meanwhile, Stacy and her cameraman meet an unfortunate end.
Andy tranquilizes the monster and keeps it busy as Nicole tries to hack the kill switch on her computer. It’s all very tense until she guesses the password, and the shark’s brain explodes.
We’re not going to see the Sharktopus again!
Commentary
OMG. The dialog from most of the characters is just awful. It’s all bright and pretty and looks really good– until someone opens their mouth to speak.
The CGI is really dated, if it ever looked good in the first place. Seeing the shark crawling around on the beach with tentacles is just– special. There are lots of shirtless guys and girls in tight bikinis and even a funny cameo by Roger Corman himself.
Still, this was intended to be cheap and cheesy, and they aren’t trying to win any awards here. It’s well filmed and the non-CGI bits all look good. The concept itself is what saves the film; what could be scarier than a shark with giant tentacles? Keep in mind that, as bad as it was, it still managed to spawn two sequels. If you just leave your brain at the door and go along with it, it’s just silly fun.
2014 Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda
Directed by Kevin O’Neill
Written by Matt Yamashita
Stars Rib Hillis, Robert Carradine, Katie Savoy
Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
Despite the definitive death of Sharktopus in the first movie, they find a way to make a sequel. This one is a step above the first one, with slightly better everything and clearly a bigger budget. The CGI is still blatantly CGI, looking cartoonish at times, but it gets the story told. What’s better than one giant genetically modified creature? Two of them! We found this entertaining.
Spoilery Synopsis
We get some flashbacks to the previous film’s best kills. As the Sharktopus’s head explodes, we see an egg sac float away from the body…
We cut to a fishing boat, where Lorena pulls up the egg sac. She cuts it open, and there’s a tiny Sharktopus inside.
Elsewhere, Dr. Rico Symes and his team have developed a flying monster called a Pteracuda, a cross between a barracuda and a pterodactyl. The government was afraid of it, so he paid for it and built it himself. As he brags about how much it’s going to be worth, the creature escapes and refuses to come back to base. Then it does come back, but just to kill one of the technicians.
Hamilton, Rico’s head of security, goes after the monster in a helicopter, and it turns out to be bulletproof. Rico says the control devices are still working just fine, but someone else is in control. When the copter crashes into the ocean, they learn that the monster can swim as well as fly.
We cut to Mundo Del Mar, an ocean resort, which advertises, “Coming soon: Sharktopus.” They reveal their new attraction, which Lorena is training. The baby creature has gotten a lot bigger, but the resort owner has been sedating the giant shark-monster to keep it under control. She talks to Rick about the creature’s aggressive tendencies. She demonstrates how smart the Sharktopus is.
Some guests complain to the manager that they aren’t able to see the advertised Sharktopus, so he takes them to see it. That goes badly.
Hamilton makes it back to Rico, who explains that whoever was controlling the Pteracuda has stopped. They watch the tourists’ footage of the Sharktopus on the news, and Rico knows all about the S-11 Project. He suddenly gets an idea– he wants to “hire” Sharktopus to fight the Pteracuda. Hamilton injects the Sharktopus with a mind-controlling device, and Lorena freaks out.
A group of wreck divers go down with their scuba gear. They don’t know that both giant monsters are nearby. The two soon start fighting, and it’s an inconclusive battle.
Lorena calls Rick, the head lifeguard, to shut down the beach before more people are killed.
We cut to Conan O’Brien, on the beach in a full suit and ascot. He hears about the Sharktopus and laughs at it. He does the “do you know who I am” thing until the Sharktopus bites his head off.
On the beach, a kid plays with a Sharktopus kite until the Pteracuda attacks, causing mayhem on the beach. Meanwhile, Vladimir, the Russian agent who stole the Pteracuda’s controls gets things working again and attacks an airplane.
Soon, Pteracuda and Sharktopus encounter each other again, and Sharktopus gets his control collar bitten off; now there are two monsters on the loose. Rico is looking for someone to blame this all on, so he kidnaps Lorena. Maybe she can get Sharktopus to behave?
Lorena tells Rick about the monsters, and he’s almost immediately beheaded. She figures that Sharktopus is headed for the canals that go right through town to the aquarium. Rico says that Vladimir has ordered Pteracuda to attack a nuclear power plant to make it melt down.
Lorena and Hamilton track down Vladimir somehow and regain control of the Pteracuda. A new report announces that Rico is wanted for questioning in the whole ordeal. Vladimir makes a run for it, so they all head outside to pursue him. The Pteracuda gets him first.
The Sharktopus comes for Lorena before fighting his winged adversary again. Hamilton uses Rico as bait for the creatures, and soon, Pteracuda comes for him. The two creatures pull him apart.
Lorena reads Rico’s notes and figures out that Pteracuda is starving and has to eat constantly to stay alive. She thinks they can use that to lure it in and kill it– with a disco ball. Lorena falls overboard and Sharktopus comes to her rescue to fight the Pteracuda. Meanwhile, Hamilton shoots the Pteracuda with his spear gun.
Hamilton and Lorena speed off in their boat as the explosives in the harpoon go off, killing both monstrosities. No, we see that Sharktopus has survived!
Commentary
The dialogue and acting are still campy, but they’re also miles ahead of the first film. It obviously had a much higher budget due to the popularity of the first film. Then again, it’s got people playing volleyball with Conan O’Brien’s head, so it’s probably not meant to be taken too seriously.
The recent Godzilla movies show us what good CGI can mean for a monster vs monster film. This is not that film. The creatures are a half-step above cartoons, but the visual quality isn’t the point. It’s still hokey and dumb, but better made than the first one.
2015 Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf
Directed by Kevin O’Neill
Written by Matt Yamashita
Stars Casper Van Dien, Catherine Oxenberg, Jennifer Wenger
Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This one was a step down from the previous sequel but a half step above the original. This one emphasized the humor a lot more than the first two movies, and that boosts the watchability. It’s silly and dumb, but fun in an entertaining way.
Spoilery Synopsis
We open on a burial at sea. Ray Brady wonders why this is all happening on his boat; Pablo rented out the boat for a funeral, and Ray makes a big scene. Suddenly, Sharktopus attacks the boat and steals the body, coffin and all. “Tell me they prepaid,” asks Ray before he’s arrested for manslaughter.
Inspector Nita Morales talks to Ray about getting out of jail; “This time, you’re on your own,” when he describes what attacked the boat.
Meanwhile, at the Reinhardt anti-aging clinic, Dr. Elsa Reinhardt works on gene sequencing to make Felix Rosa, an old ball player, able to play again. She warns that there “may be a few side effects.” She takes him to her secret lab, and it’s really something. She talks about the speed and power of wolves and then throws the switch…
Inspector Nita watches two drunk women attacked on the sidewalk by the Sharktopus.
Pablo bails out Ray with the help of Chief Tiny, a Voodoo priest. He wants to know about the creature, and he knows all about Sharktopus, who even has a Twitter account now. He wants the Sharktopus’s heart for his Voodoo stuff— before noon tomorrow.
Meanwhile, Elsa turns Felix into a corpse, as the experiment fails impressively. She dumps his body in the ocean to get rid of it. As his body sinks, it starts to change. He growls and takes a bite out of her, which she really likes. His human DNA is rapidly disintegrating, and this might have something to do with moonlight.
In the morning, Nita joins Ray and Pablo to hunt the tentacled shark monster. At the Reinhardt Institute, Elsa brags to Nurse Betty about her success last night. Then Felix, who has turned into a full-on Whalewolf, kills the nurse.
Ray finds and “tags” the Sharktopus, which fights back. The Whalewolf, on shore, sees the action and comes to play. The two creatures fight as Ray tries to keep Pablo from molesting the unconscious Nita. They stop and watch a relationship-reality show that’s filming right here in town.
Meanwhile, on the actual show, they’re filming the next episode of a “Bachelor”-style show— at least until the shark shows up and eats the contestants.
Dr. Elsa scolds the Whalewolf, calling him a failure. She tries to train him like a dog, to pee on the pad, which he also refuses to do. Not far away, Sharktopus eats some gang members just as the Whalewolf arrives. This results in another ridiculous CGI monster battle.
Pablo and Ray make plans to leave the country, but Chief Tiny does some Voodoo to convince them not to run.
The reality show starts shooting a new scene, while the bachelor has to pick a date from the surviving women. The Whalewolf kills the director and the other women contestants as well.
Nita looks up Sharktopus online, but can’t find much on the Whalewolf, but she does get a lead that points to Dr. Elsa, who used to work for Blue Water, the lab that created Sharktopus. At the lab, Dr. Elsa calls the humane society to give up her “dog.” Whalewolf catches on and kills her.
When Nita and her partner arrive at the lab, they find the wolf. Ray takes Chief Tiny a piece of tentacle, which mostly pacifies him. There’s a whole thing about cockfighting and Tiny’s big, tough, cock.
Ray and Pablo get a call from Nita, who’s pinned down by the Whalewolf. She’s been bitten, but they get her away. There’s a quick car chase that leads the Whalewolf to the docks, where Sharktopus awaits. The two enemies go at it once again— in the town square.
Nita has Elsa’s laptop and reads through her records. They know Felix Rosa was involved and may even be the Whalewolf. Ray suggests that Chief Tiny might be able to use his Voodoo to control Sharktopus.
Tiny already has a Sharktopus Voodoo doll. He sends his goons to kill Ray, but Ray has stolen the shark doll. Ray uses his Kung-Fu Ninja Ju-Ju skills against the goons and gets away.
Nita and Pablo go to the baseball stadium and rig up a net for the monsters. Meanwhile, Ray and Sharktopus shake hands and become buddies—sorta.
Sharktopus chases Ray through the mall toward the baseball stadium, where Whalewolf awaits. Nita calls in an air strike from the Air Force, and they get right on that. Pablo electrifies the fence to contain them.
Sharktopus gets electrocuted and Whalewolf gets blown up in the air strike. Ray and Nita kiss as Pablo plays music in the stadium.
We cut to Chief Tiny’s sister, who is doing something Voodooie with a Sharktopus tentacle…
Commentary
Casper Van Dien divorced Catherine Oxenberg in 2015, the year that this film was released, and married Jennifer Wenger, the woman who played Nurse Betty.
Catherine Oxenberg’s German accent is 200% pure evil Nazi scientist, but not especially well done. This whole thing leans far more into the pure comedy side of things than the first two movies. With this in mind, it looks good and has good dialogue and acting. It’s all completely one big in-joke, and it’s well done.
It’s not a great movie by any stretch, but it’s well-made and actually funny in places.
2015 Short Film: Gwilliam
Directed by Brian Lonano
Written by Victoria Cook, Brian Lonano, Kevin Donald Lonano
Stars William Tokarsky, Paul Painter, Blair Bathory
Run Time: 5:37
What Happens
A prisoner is being released from prison today. He ends up in a local bar, where he admires the women. He reads some graffiti: “For a good time, go out back,” which he promptly does. He does not, in fact, have a good time. Or maybe he does?
Commentary
“You can forget your sins, but you can never forget your Gwilliam.”
Well, that was not what either he or I were expecting. This one is seriously messed up. Very well done!
2016 Sharkenstein
Directed by Mark Polonia
Written by J. K. Farlew
Stars Greta Volkova, Ken Van Sant, Titus Himmelberger
Run Time: 1 Hour, 25 Minutes
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
This was a very low budget production, and it shows. But it looks like everyone is having a good time, and they tell a story with the tools that they have available. So, it isn’t all bad. A story was told - a pretty wild one - and it kept us watching.
Spoilery Synopsis
We open on the Frankenstein monster lumbering around in the rainstorm. Its heart and brain are indestructible, but its body has been destroyed and rebuilt many times.
It’s 1942, and a German submarine surfaces. Nearby is a laboratory where we see a very special heart and brain. They’ve found the monster, and the Germans want it for their military efforts. They take the organs and go back to the sub. Credits roll.
In the modern day, we open on Duke Lawson, who is looking for missing boaters. We get a weird point of view shot and then see a really scarred-up shark eat a girl on the beach.
Madge yells at Coop that he shouldn’t be playing on his phone during vacation. Skip isn’t really into the whole trip either. Katzman Cove, where they’re headed, is reported to have had several cases of missing persons in the area. They pass a man on the road just moments before he, too, is shark food.
Duke talks to a fisherman about something that’s been attacking and eating the local sharks.
Meanwhile, at the mad scientist’s lab, Klaus, the mad scientist, orders the shark to return home. He has the heart and brain on his desk, but they’re wired into something.
Madge, Skip, and Coop get to the dock and meet up with the guy who owns the boat. He’s weird and doesn’t speak, but what could go wrong on a little boat out in the ocean? They go out and they all have a surprisingly good time with the mute boat driver. Until Duke pulls up in his boat and warns them about the local trouble and tells them they must go back to shore.
Duke calls in divers to search the waters for some of the missing people, or sharks, or whatever they find. The shark finds and eats many of them, much to Klaus’s sadistic glee. The shark then goes to a crowded beach and eats a girl before returning home to base.
The shark runs into Madge and the guys’ boat, breaking the propeller. The guys decide to swim to a nearby island, and Madge reluctantly follows them. They explore the island, which is, of course, where Klaus lives. They see the monster shark just before Klaus shows up with his gun. Klaus explains the whole thing; he’s got Frankenstein’s brain controlling the shark. He’s also got Hitler’s brain, but that’s a project for another day.
Meanwhile, Duke realizes that the boat hasn’t come back to the marina, and he goes looking for them.
Klaus operated on the shark and implants the heart and brain into it while his three guests watch. “It’s Alive!” he yells. He tries to get the shark to obey; he orders Sharkenstein to kill the kids’ mute boat driver, which it does. The monster gets annoyed by Klaus and eats him.
The shark knocks the whole house into the ocean and then eats Skip. Madge and Coop swim to Duke’s boat. They tell Duke all about it, and he (amazingly) believes them. The shark comes after them and follows them up onto the dock.
Lightning strikes the shark, and it gets stronger, standing up on two legs. Duke pulls a torch out of somewhere and drives it off. The shark then crosses land, stalking cows in the field. Sharkenstein kills Coop in the woods, and Duke and Madge miss the whole thing.
The locals grab their axes and guns and stalk off into the woods, looking for the monster. Madge gives Duke a recitation about all the Frankenstein movies.
Duke and Madge go to an old lighthouse, and Duke says they store explosives inside. They wire up the explosives and wait for the monster. Duke lures the monster there by cutting himself; sharks can smell blood miles away.
Madge hides as Duke leads the giant, manlike shark into the lighthouse. The villagers set the place on fire with Duke inside. Duke and the shark come out onto the roof, and he tells them to start shooting.
Everything explodes. Could this be the end of Sharkenstein? Madge knows the heart and brain can never be destroyed.
Commentary
They had a budget of eleven dollars for special effects, and they really stretched it here. Still, it tells the story, so it’s good enough. The shark is clearly a puppet, but it’s kind of a cool puppet– it has bolts on its neck! There are too many plot holes to even start a list, so I’ll just let it slide.
It's a no-budget film put together for fun, at least I hope that’s why. And it’s actually pretty good if you take it for that. If you’re looking for quality on a level of “Sharktopus,” you might want to keep looking.
Kevin adds that when he sees a production like this, he hopes the folks involved keep working on other projects, getting better and more experienced as they go. They have the fundamental idea down - tell a story and keep the audience interested.
Sharkula (2022)
Directed by Mark Polonia
Written by Mark Polonia
Stars James Kelly, Tim Hatch, Jeff Kirkendall
Run Time: 1 Hour, 11 Minutes
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
The premise is as silly as it sounds yet kind of awesome at the same time. What’s worse than a shark? A vampire shark, of course. It’s low-budget, but they told a story and kept us watching, so our basic needs were met.
Spoilery Synopsis
We watch as an angry mob chases Dracula through the fields in a blurry flashback. They corner him at the edge of a cliff and stab him; he falls into the ocean below and is bitten by a shark. Dark forces conspired to keep Dracula alive… Credits roll, along with a not-quite-good theme song.
In the modern day, Arthur and John read a letter that says they have been hired for a new summer job. They go to “The Bucket ‘O Chum Inn.” They immediately notice that there’s hardly anyone in town. Mr. Renfield checks them in, and he runs the place for Mr. Vlad Constantine, who owns the place. Renfield mentions that there’s an 8 p.m. curfew in town.
We soon see that Renfield has a woman chained in the basement and he talks to a coffin in the basement. Out on the docks, a drunk man yells at the water, calling Constantine names and saying he ruined their town. The shark below leaps up and eats the man.
Mina waves at John and Arthur, but Renfield warns that she “belongs” to Mr. Constantine. They think the town is weird since no one is allowed out after dark.
We cut to Dracula in the basement of the inn as he tells the chained woman that she’s going to be a sacrifice. He, Renfield, and some cultists lead the woman through town as John and Arthur watch in confusion. They sacrifice her to the shark in the ocean.
John and Arthur wonder why there’s an altar on the beach; could it be for virgin sacrifices? Mina warns John that he should leave town as soon as he can. He sees glowing red eyes in the water.
We cut to Renfield, and we see just how weird he is. Constantine has Renfield invite John and Arthur for dinner. He tells them how the town works, and it all makes sense to them now. He warns them to never open the crates that they’re unloading.
Reggie and his girlfriend are driving through town, and their car breaks down. He sees the red glowing eyes in the water, and it eats him. Then it pulls his girlfriend out of the car.
John thinks Constantine is crazy, but Arthur thinks they should just go with it. They find a Dracula comic book in the nightstand instead of a Bible.
Constantine warns Mina to behave, and she casts aspersions on Renfield, sowing some discord. John watches Constantine arguing with Renfield later, but he only sees Renfield in the mirror. John then sneaks outside and sees cultists roaming the streets.
John finds Reggie’s girlfriend chained in the basement, and she says Dracula did this to her; she’s a vampire now. Then Renfield stabs him in the heart with a machete.
In the morning, Arthur can’t find John anywhere. He does, however, see the red-eyed shark in the water. He then assaults Renfield. Mina grabs him and tells him to hide. She explains that Mr. Constantine is really Dracula. Dracula feeds Renfield to the vampire in the basement.
Mina says she can’t leave town, but then Dracula shows up and tells Arthur to do as he says. Dracula needs Mina and Arthur’s help to get rid of the beast that he’s forced to serve. Dracula has been forced to serve the shark, and he tells the whole story about how that came to be. Dracula is tired of being tied to this little town and that shark; he can’t leave either.
Elsewhere, the cultists say the shark needs another sacrifice. Dracula has a plan to do a fake sacrifice of Mina, and Arthur will need to stab Sharkula at the right time. Dracula says he can deal with the cultists.
The sacrifice proceeds, and Sharkula comes out of the water to eat Mina. John stabs the creature several times and Dracula gloats to the shark. The shark, which isn’t dead, bites Dracula's hand before bursting into flame.
Dracula still wants Mina, but something’s wrong. He screams in pain and kills the cultists; Dracula is being changed by the shark bite. Arthur does some house cleaning in Dracula’s basement.
Mina and Arthur talk about Dracula’s control, and maybe she has more control over him than she thinks. They confront Dracula, and she tells Dracula that he needs to obey her. He cannot resist. Suddenly, John jumps up and kills Dracula with a cross.
Dracula and Sharkula are really dead, right?
Commentary
It’s made by the same indie filmmakers who did “Sharkenstein” (2016). In some ways, it’s better, and in others, it’s worse. The shark itself has bat wings and can fly, which is a neat idea but doesn’t look great. It’s actually a pretty well-written story, the only thing that really holds it back are the terrible actors.
IMDB trivia says they got the town name of “Arkham” from Batman, ignoring completely where the name started.
Of all the Dracula-shark films out there, this is probably the best.
2022 Shark Side of the Moon
Directed by Glenn Campbell, Tammy Klein
Written by Ryan Ebert, Anna Rasmussen
Stars Maxi Witrak, Ego Mikitas, Michael Marcel, Tania Rex
Run Time: 1 Hour, 28 Minutes
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
They took a wild premise and made it into a passable movie, so hats off to them. This one is way out there with some really bad science, but it has a decent science fiction story, and it was entertaining overall.
Spoilery Synopsis
We’re told that 1984, Americans went into space on their Shuttles. But at a top-secret lab in Moscow, scientists feed their subjects in the tank. Their subjects are smart, and they talk to each other; they’re smarter than expected. Suddenly, the electric fence goes down, and we see that they’ve been developing humanoid shark monsters.
The scientists activate a lockdown, but it’s hard to escape the land sharks. “If they get into the ocean, they’ll be unstoppable!” A pair of the scientists run to their own experimental space shuttle, and the monsters follow them inside. They launch the ship, taking the shark monsters along with them. Credits roll.
In the present day, there’s a moon launch scheduled by the Americans. One of the crew gets sick, and Michael, an alternate astronaut, is assigned to the mission. Commander Tress doesn’t like Michael, but they can’t reschedule the launch.
There’s some kind of electromagnetic disturbance that cuts off radio contact from Earth. Something goes wrong, and they find themselves off course– toward the far side of the moon. It’s all very tense, but they manage a crash-landing on the surface. There’s no satellite, and there’s no way to communicate with Earth.
They all check out the ship; they can hold out for months, but they can’t take off unless they get parts from a broken rover about a mile away. Four of the astronauts go out for a walk; they’re the first people to set foot on the far side of the moon. They check out the rover, but when Liam gets a bloody nose, something comes toward them under the surface, making ripples underground. Then they see shark fins! “Why are there sharks on the moon?”
One of the sharks dies, and the Americans find a Russian walking around, breathing without a helmet on; he’s the one who killed the shark. He thinks the Americans have been sent to rescue him; it’s been forty years, after all. Sergei is the scientist who survived the first trip, and Akula is his “adopted” daughter, but she’s odd. Sergei leads the group to his base.
Henri is taken captive by the sharkmen to the Shark City; they all speak Russian, but they want his ship to transport themselves and their eggs back to Earth. Tzarina, a shark woman, comes to talk to Henri.
At Sergei’s ship, Akula admits that she’s one of the shark-people. She’s developed a suit that makes them invisible to the sharks, and he’s got a way to make oxygen. He explains about the Cold War shark hybrids.
Back at the American ship, Ellie and Owen decide to go looking for their missing crewmates. They soon find Liam’s arm, but when they radio the ship, the sharks’ home in on the signal. The humans don’t live long after that.
The sharkman Scar bites off Henri’s foot at Tsarina’s command, then cauterizes it. She wants to know where his ship is. She says she’s the ruler of the hybrid sharks.
Sergei explains that there were only a dozen or so sharks originally, but they don’t know how many there are now. The sharks’ goal is to get their eggs back to Earth, where they can really reproduce. The humans walk to Shark City as they make plans to break into the prison for Henri.
Tom, back in the American ship, computes a launch for return to Earth, but he calls Commander Tress on the radio, which the sharks trace.
In Shark City, Tress and the humans find Henri, who tells them that the sharks only want their ship. They find the shark incubation room, and they have a discussion about killing all the shark babies.
Akula and Tsarina have a talk; Akula has always been an outcast, but Tsarina makes a tempting offer.
The sharks attack the American ship, defended only by Josie and Tom. Tress, Michael, Henri, Sergei, and Akula arrive to join them.
A whole bunch of sharks, too many to fight, surround the ship. Henri wants to lead the sharks away from the ship while the others escape. He manages to distract them for a few minutes as the others get ready to launch. Tsarina and the others show up outside, and they all get ready for a battle.
There’s lots of running around doing things in the ship, and both Josie and Tom are killed. It looks bad, so Tress surrenders to Tsarina. Tsarina says that Akula taught them how to fly a ship. Akula denies being a traitor; she’s loyal to the humans. Tress offers to bring the sharks supplies; the humans could help the sharks live on the moon. Tsarina isn’t interested in that; she goes to the cockpit and launches the ships.
All the humans jump out of the ship as it launches. They make their way to Sergei’s ship, which can take off using Tom’s flight plan. Akula and Tsarina jump out of the ship; Tsarina is not killed, but she does have brain damage.
Sergei comes up with a plan to crash his ship into the magma under the surface, creating tidal waves of lava that will wipe out the sharks– and them. He says goodbye to Akula and the others.
Akula, Tress, and Michael go outside to battle sharks with spears as Sergei does his thing on the ship. Sergei crashes his shuttle into Shark City, and the lava explodes everywhere. It even reaches the American ship, which crashes into the lava.
Somehow, something explodes with enough force to take the three humans back to Earth (don’t try to figure it out; I watched this part three times). Tress, Michael, and Akula launch a rubber inflatable boat and talk about how lucky they are. Akula starts screaming in pain; she’s pregnant… and giving birth to a shark-hybrid baby. She then jumps overboard with her babies. Now, there are human-hybrid sharks in the oceans of Earth.
Commentary
Early on, lava on the far side of the moon was mentioned, and it was so out of place that I knew it would be a plot point later.
The 2022 CGI is obviously CGI, but it’s not awful. I like how they made up a way to lose the helmets and spacesuits; it’s a silly thing, but it allows for better interaction between the characters.
How is it that the ships were heavily damaged, but yet they could take off? Doubly more so for Sergei’s ship. How did the final survivors get back to Earth? There’s a lot here that doesn’t make sense, but it’s mostly saved just by the ridiculous concept.
Stay tuned for more reviews next week!
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Sharktopus, Sharkula, Sharkenstein, Sharktopus vs Pteracuda, Sharktopus vs Whalewolf, and Shark Side of the Moon